How Two Moms Dealt with Their Sons' Secret Girlfriends | Hina Khan-Mukhtar

- Complete video: • "My Parents Just Don't...
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Sr. Hina Khan-Mukhtar shares how two mothers responded when learning about her teenage son’s secret relationship.
This was in response to an online question about teen dating in the Muslim community during a teen-parent forum at the MCC. Watch that insightful panel: • "My Parents Just Don't...
The Gems Series is a youth-initiated effort at the MCC aimed at providing viewers with bite-sized nuggets of wisdom and memorable anecdotes from the hundreds of hours of talks, sermons, workshops, and lectures at the MCC to help you cultivate a deeper love, understanding, and connection with your Creator and your faith.
The talks span a range of topics from spiritual knowledge to current events from MCC's vast video library. If you enjoy this youth-run effort, please like and share and watch more at www.mcceastbay.org/gems
This panel was delivered at the Muslim Community Center - East Bay (MCC East Bay) in Pleasanton, California on April 12, 2019. Watch the entire panel at • "My Parents Just Don't...
Hina Khan-Mukhtar is a married mother of three young men and one of the founders of the homeschooling co-operative known as ILM Tree in Lafayette, California, which now serves over 35 homeschooling families in the East Bay. In addition to having taught Language Arts to elementary, middle school, and high school students, she is also involved in interfaith dialogue. Hina was a monthly contributor to The Muslim Observer’s “Raising Our Ummah” column and also writes for Seeker’s Guidance where she shares parenting advice and ideas for nurturing spiritual traditions in childhood. Learn more about her at hinakm.com
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- More Sr. Hina Khan-Mukhtar: mcceastbay.org/hina

[@MrWatchmen759]

Exactly parents from the older generation don’t teach their kids much about deen and than get surprised when they find their kids dating

[@xSunnyDaysx]

G H They believe that learning kids about any subject will make them go towards those things. So if the parents never talk about it they believe they will not find out. But boy are they wrong. What they need to do is learn the religion first and then teach it their kids. These days it’s hard to find people who are like the sahaba let alone he prophet, peace be upon him.

[@amira_1898]

you two have raised some very valid points that are common in our society 😥 may Allah guide us to the straight path 🙏

[@Wasim_Raza]

Ghanta bhosdi k , kych maa baap apne jawani me bakati karte hain aur baad me bakchodi.

[@isaackid09]

You took the words right out of my mouth. Except for my case, it isn't that they never taught us, it's just that they were never understanding and compassionate in how to raise their kids. Everything is literally black and white, which is for the most part, not necessarily the case. They're very judgemental too. I wish my parents could be more accommodating and understanding.

[@shareefabuhajah3298]

It astounds me how I never fail to find people who are filled with self-awe of their opinions. Rather than taking ownership of your own actions, let’s blame our parents, our elders even, for what we perceive to be a poor job done on their part. Were they not at least raised with the Shahadah?? There are people who were raised in the worst environments in this country, some not knowing who their parents are, and they have believed when they heard the truth, then excelled past the likes of this speaker. All I’m saying is that Allah knows what’s in the hearts, and I’d recommend you people learn to respect those older than you, and that the matter is never as simple as you’re prone to make it seem.

[@valeriedhodson3014]

I love love love that the girl is considered. It's not right to use a girl for pleasure but have no love or commitment. Such a smart mom. Three options and call him out. The more you fight it, the more rebellious he be. I will keep this.

[@loyaskhan193]

This is what Allah said in the Quran (16:125), Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided.

[@NT-co8yd]

Islam considered both in the picture that's why from day 1 Islam says don't even get into these things because it will hurt many and make corruption

[@sonatestd2085]

This is why religion shouldn’t be taken to extremes.

[@yasminhusain213]

@@loyaskhan193 love you for the sake of Allah for posting this ayat. Will be writing this for my children

[@200991602]

Girls use boys for sexual pleasure, especially rich girls who have a sense of entitlement. Both sexes are responsible for behaviors. Girls get away with it more because it is believed girls don't do such things but they do. Each individual is different with different intentions regardless of male or female.

[@denicagovender5029]

I mostly admire the Mom who respected the sons girlfriend even though she was a non Muslim , unlike most families don't acknowledge you if you don't belong to the same faith and don't allow you rights.

[@saharatif8170]

Exactly... I second to you 👍

[@tylermcquien8393]

Yes, most Muslims don't care about the kafar girl

[@a1atif]

@@tylermcquien8393 nut jobs in each religion dont care for a lot of things. so may be you had a bad experience. not every one is same.

[@ohyeahohyeah8855]

If she wasnt christian or jew than you cant marry

[@shabinakausar1519]

I've got nephews married too white none muslim black none muslim who at a later age became muslims I have a sister in law shes white who turned muslim they where not forced but chose their path to Allah and they are great human beings my mom had no problem the family met her and we my mom and my sister in law are very close its unbelievable at times I get jealous shes taken my mom but then there is a alhamdulillah my mom and my sister in law are both the outlaws off aur lifes and we love my nephews who are married to who at that time where none muslims and my sister in law it's hard for Pakistanis or any muslim especially elders to expect to understand but there are people who love each other as humans and not labled muslim or none muslim allah is the best off planners alhamdulillah .

[@sunamnajafi4861]

As a 12 year old muslim girl my mum teaches me the right way and of Allah my Lord 🥰♥️ Here’s to all the Muslim parents who teach there kids the right way :)

[@user-me6mr3lw5l]

I'm 29 years old and after living my 20s doing the opposite of what my parents advised me, today I realise how right they were all along. This sounds so cliche but it's true. There's a reason why people advise you to listen to your parents. They want the best for you and they know better. We as kids think we're smart and try to do things our own way, and get burned. If we were truly smart we would gather all the experience and advice from the people around us, and base our life decisions on them. It's often too late for the older generation to implement the hard-learned lessons (like it is for me now), but what they can do is pass this advice on to the next generation to give them a headstart. Keep listening to your mother, she wants you to have the headstart that her generation didnt have. You will achieve a level of success that no one has seen before InshaAllah. Learn from their mistakes and experience rather than suffering yourself. Your mum is doing an amazing job with you xx

[@yasminhusain213]

@@user-me6mr3lw5l I'm reading this message to my kids, JazakAllahu Khairan

[@jagertm4270]

Mashallah Sister.

[@madihashaikh652]

Masha allah...the mother taught her son deen and not culture/rituals..and let him choose

[@MindfulMuslimah]

I love that she went this creative way and taught accountability!

[@timothylocklear9885]

My parents were extremely conservative Christians, and this happened to me when I was 17 and well into my 18th year. A girl and I fell in love with each other, and began a relationship. We hadn't actually done anything unscriptural, but my parents assumed the worst. First they screamed at me until it was morning, beat me and read our letters aloud to me, beat me some more, burned the letters, insulted the girl, humiliated the girl and me in front of our church, and then they separated us for two years. I am still Christian and don't believe in Islam, but wish to say that the way this Muslim woman handled the situation was far superior to the way my Christian parents handled it. I have a deep respect for her, and any other person who would respond so righteously. Cheers✌🏻❤️

[@hikmaseffa6380]

Mashallah The mother has true wisdom. May Allah bless her.

[@newbie_bd]

Hey please always use capital letter A in Allah word. U know we need to show highest respect towards our creator Almighty Allah. If u see others do it also tell them to do it.

[@mohammedamin8478]

@@newbie_bd and its

[@erzascarlet5078]

May Allah make us all amazing mothers and parents overall ameen

[@jiy6705]

Inshallah

[@imeeeemi6929]

Amazing parenting. Compliments to the parents. Inspirational and motivational. Eloquent technique

[@kuronekonova3698]

The second mother is how every parent should be when their children make big mistakes.

[@milkycloud.]

*If you like somebody, ask Allah to give them to you. If you still don't get them, know that somebody else asked Allah for **_YOU._*

[@dyahandryani9336]

That's exactly what I said to my kids, but I told them that before they have any relationship with anybody. Alhamdulillah 2 of my 3 kids are now married without anything to regret. I have 2 daughters and a son

[@spoolindsm127]

Alhumdulillah, a lot of good lessons to be learned here. Funny thing is this is similar to what my Dad did when I told him I had a girlfriend. He didn't get mad or upset but was ready to go talk to the girl's father.

[@saharatif8170]

Your dad followed the right way👍 And decided wisely just like described in our beautiful religion, Islam❤️

[@jessicaantle1778]

This kind of wisdom should be more widespread, beautiful. I wish somebody would have given me this respect, I wish I would have been taught this way... I’m inspired, great story 👏👏👏

[@sarah-amena]

May Allah swt bless that compassionate mother! That is amazing!

[@na-up6gs]

Inshallah I'll never be in that situation. I'm teaching my son Quran and try to explain things in an easy way for his age. May Allah help us and guide us 🙏

[@zahidhakim5727]

Emotions, desire & lust are not logical, especially in today's environment. They can affect anyone, learned or not. The only way to truly 'protect' the teenagers/young adults is by facilitating the means to marriage with a suitable partner, sometimes even before they are financially capable.

[@user-bd9sf9qz2i]

Zahid Hakim pretty sure she’s aware of that. She said inshallah and makes sure she will achieve that by teaching him. It can go the other way around but who knows.

[@saharatif8170]

@@zahidhakim5727 Exactly❤️.. This could be possible only after Allah's (SWT) guidance by mutual understanding and wisely- taken decisions of the parents( both sides). May Allah SWT protect our offsprings from any illegal relationships & protect them and make them among the Saliheen (Being Rightous). Allahuma Ameen

[@JDforeveralone]

@@zahidhakim5727 so true so true allahumma sta3an!

[@Liimr114]

Never say never. you watched the clip. at least you know what to in case.

[@thomasbuxton2648]

Wow that was simply amazing MsA

[@asmakhan7280]

How lovely is it that the mother wept with his son ,it's so beautiful,may Allah guide us with knowledge and perseverance

[@lone.wo1f]

Masha'Allah! A must watch story and reminder for every Muslim Parents! May ALLAH Subhanahu Ta'walah guide us and give us appropriate ilm, Ameen....

[@quantumtruth]

I really love this. It is hard sometimes to stick to muslim values in current society but I LOVE the integrity and respect shown here. Mashallah I hope your channel grows and prospers :)

[@zubeidafester1173]

This is such a good response...shukran for sharing

[@loyaskhan193]

Thank you for your wonderful sharing. Excellent knowledge for parents.

[@amansur1]

Wow. Well explained! Barakallah feekum

[@acejones6110]

Wow, the 2nd mom was very wise, and knew that her son was reasonable and aware.

[@mohammedrizannuzha2999]

WALLAHI it blew my mind. The way his parents dealt with it. SubhanaAllah ❤️

[@mehakahmed110]

Very very well explained!! In sha Allah will always keep this in my mind .

[@nazay8640]

so amazing, taught me a lot too!

[@PEACEFULLNESS1450]

Something the way i would have done. Excellent excellent reaction and most relevant way to deal with it in 2020.

[@degenerals6127]

EscallTM Mqm ? 2020

[@artkitty344]

Wow the wisdom in that mother, Masha Allah

[@mkq0007]

Mash Allah thanks for the video. Very powerful and wonderful.

[@basiceasycooking3668]

It brought tears into my eyes Ma Sha Allah

[@lesleafreeman2807]

I loved this!! Mashallah!!

[@sayedabugouad4087]

Keep going suster, you are amazing storyteller, god bless you

[@t.l1357]

That's perfect, the way family B handled it. I have many Muslim friends since I have started learning Arabic. Many times I've been asked about marriage impropriety. I let them know just because I'm American and Christian, you still must show honor. And I want all the rights and respect you would give a Muslim woman. It's not right to pick and choose which parts of religion you want to follow.

[@user-pt1ki9qt5f]

LOVE LOVE LOVE this Masha Allah such wisdom from the parents

[@anneshine8726]

Ma sha Allah I want to be like the second mother for my children. She is amazing!

[@ayeshanasir9916]

It was so heart warming! I have a son (who is only 7 now) but I do think and worry about how I want him to be a gud Muslim and follow what Allah has told us to do... this for sure is something I will always remember cz this impacted me in a very strong way. JazakAllah khair for sharing this

[@Liimr114]

Smart Mom and great lesson for others. so much respect for the Mom who handled his son's relationship wisely and respectfully. While I was in university far away from parents, I had first hand experience of living in a place that surrounded by non-Muslims, and some mild intimacy that still considered haraam in Islam was easily seen around the campus. As a young adult it was very difficult and tempting especially those girl friend and boy friend relationships were kind of norm since majority were non-Muslim. I didn't have a proper Islamic education except being taught few short Arabic verses of the Quran and culturally being Muslim while praying on and off till in the first year of university life became too stressful. I started to read the biography of Prophet Muhammad (PBH), which was the turning point of my life and I had to profess Islam and started to follow it as a practicing Muslim. After that, one time I had been asked to become boy friend by a non-Muslim girl. she was smart and lovely but I managed to refuse it as it was Haraam to have girl friend. so it didn't happen. Fast forward more than a decades, now I am a father with a lovely Muslimah and two kids and I have felt so many blessing in my life. Alhamdulillah. So in retrospect, I would had accepted and had committed Haraam if she had asked before I became practicing Muslim. I had other cultural Muslim friends back than at university that dated as girl friend and boy friend and going separate ways after graduating the universiy. it is very easy to cross the boundary for a non practicing Muslim(ah) not because they are bad but because they don't practice. they are not taught the religion properly or their parents don't practice at all. As a result their view of the religion is kind of loose and tend to transgress. All in all, great respect to young Muslim boys and girls who are resisting the temptation especially here in North America. In case you fall into error don't despair no matter what and always fear Allah as Allah will give you a way out. For Muslim parents, this video provides great lesson. it further convinced me that if one raise their children in the fold of Islam teaching them or having them educated in Islam properly and help them practice Islam, when they grow up and face situation like described the in this video, at least you can provide them the Halal choices.

[@mehz_zzz4396]

Mashallah I have already dreamt to become such a parent

[@sm6927]

Nicely told, jzk 👍

[@GoodBoyFx]

wow, that is such a practical approach. Kudos to the parents for being so mature n upfront w/ her son to do things the RIGHT WAY n facilitating him without being harsh n judgemental that would've just cause more drama n conflict. Amazing parents, adopt me!

[@has1nain]

Mashallah may Allah bless us with mothers, sisters and wife's like the example of the second mother.

[@saadia4009]

Nope, may Allah bless us with parent's who teach us what is deen before we get into a crap haram situation

[@mizzyys262]

Wow, the second mum Masha’Allah ♥️

[@alia2ali]

Oh my worrrrd! I’m blown away!

[@MoMorelife]

This video was definitely recommended to me for a reason... Definitely a sign from Allah. It's the fact that I'm still contemplating a relationship that is worrying me ...

[@victoriasmith490]

Look ,you can have a relationship but it has to be under certain conditions 1) your parents must know. 2) you need a chaperone , Don't be alone. 3) no touching or doing the deed -obviously-.

[@sarfaraz6582]

May Allah bless every children same parents, just like he had...

[@saniyev6013]

Ameen

[@Rayhanashraf1971]

SubhaanAllah, SubhaanAllah، sister the way you represented islam, Allah swt will give u ajar(ameen)

[@tahmid12k4]

Very good idea and examples

[@noahadam6107]

May Allah tala reward this sister. Ameen

[@user-ht2ew7xi7j]

I really want to know how the mom would've handled the situation if her son would've chosen option 2 or 3

[@Blessedlife247]

She would've probably talked to him out of it.... But she knows that he won't choose the girl.

[@hiraamir2680]

He would have never choosen options 3 thats the whole point because his mother has raised him like that he knew what his religion is about

[@Lethemlive]

If he would choose marriage there is a possibility the other family would refuse and the girl leaving him and the result would probably be same as the option one. However, if he would choose the ugly option of continuing pre-marital relationship he disappoints both his parents and His Creator and the girl May leave at some point anyways. I am glad our young brother did the right thing and came clean. May the other Almighty protect our youth

[@Mzlm511]

Even if he did pick that he will marry her. I’m sure the girls family will oppose. They were only in their teens. It’s teen lust it fades....

[@kayleesmerbeck3197]

2 wasnt a real option since no way her parents would allow a 15 year old wedding.

[@mohdazhar5299]

Best video I ever watched on KZbin.. Masha Allah..

[@md.amirhossen9579]

Nice teaching

[@saidomohamed3442]

Thanks sister may Allah make our children to follow right path

[@Ironlung786]

You go sis ... Ma,shallah...love from the U.K

[@prime1773]

That boy is blessed with a great mom as well.

[@wasimcharity4all]

Awesome!

[@rafayshakeel4812]

Hina Khan Mukhtar is a very good speaker. People of today are just blind you know. A person can't just make a girlfriend, even after knowing that there is no such relationship as a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend.

[@nay2186]

Woow such parenting👏🏽

[@RuhulAmin-tm7hj]

amazing! just amazing! SubhanAllah!!!

[@mubin833]

SubhanAllah I'm going through this now. This advice is so needed for me.

[@sahittyarahman7380]

I wish I had parents like that... My parents recently found out about my situation, while my girlfriend was a Muslim, they only gave me the option to break up. This truly hurts not gonna lie. Allah does everything for the best I guess.

[@ankh9050]

V. Insightful. ... God protect us from such bad people with bad intentions. 🙏

[@tessy7899]

This brought a tears to my eyes...

[@struggle9394]

MashaAllah ❤ what a wonderful mother may allah bless her and her family

[@mahaalabduljalil6596]

Mashallah! May Allah bless the speaker and the parents in the story 💔 the story is amazing and the behavior embodies Islam ☪️ the perfect way 👌🏼

[@alfaruq436]

Jzk Allah sister you gave me some thing precious that I can use one day if the same thing is happen in my kids life.

[@thecuriousservant5549]

I am a teacher by profession and I can relate a lot

[@ayaamia2676]

Mash Allah the 2nd mom is the type of mom everyone deserved to have. I called her super MOM

[@EduTarbiyah]

Masha Allah. Good talk

[@thinkagain1136]

Yeah, example of family A is common in the North America. The parents, themselves, never practice Islam and their children miss about Shariah of our religion. Then, a day comes when water level gets higher than their heads and parents' eyes open and they remember Islam. It's too difficult then. If parents do not show children their own example for practicing Islam, the faith of the children would get lost and they would do what their peers were doing. We are living in a society where the parents must take the leading role for exercising Islam from the day they have their first child was born. Otherwise, the children would lose Islam and that misery will continue in their following generations. May we always feel Allah is watching us every second of every minute 24/7. May we stay away from Satan, as a result saving ourselves from Hellfire.

[@vancouveride]

In this case are not the water and the solution the same thing?

[@fooom1]

It’s all western culture. Muslims kids growing up in America tend to get sucked into it. I had a Quran teacher who was a very good man he followed the religion and teachings very closely. However he lived in a high crime area or the “hood” and his son ended up doing 10 years in jail. I mean can we always blame the parents?

[@MotorStorm66]

@@fooom1 even one of the Prophet Noah's sons was a disbeliever (not just a sinner). There are more examples in the Qur'an of prophets with transgressing family members; one of the Prophet Muhammad's uncles (Abu Lahab) even has a surah condemning him.

[@kittybegum8486]

Ameen sum ameen

[@TheFaridabegum]

Yes brother it is true .now this sinario is occurring in middle East ,india and over all in all of Asia .

[@strifelord5239]

The mom in the second scenario was correct to cry with her son. Any man will tell you that they never loved a woman as intensely as their first love. After that, something dies in a man and he never lets himself get that emotionally invested in a relationship again, simply as a defense mechanism. It is truly something you mourn. This is why I tell young men that I know not to play with their hearts and save their first love for their wives. There's no guarantee of course that the wife will not break his heart but he definitely would have given his all, which is what the woman who saved herself for him deserves.

[@bloomingsoul9508]

Thank You very much Mam :)

[@arselamallick3248]

amazing way to handle it

[@AdamB786]

Sister Great work for humanity 👏 May Allah bless you with Great Reward and grant all your wishes for the wonderful hard work 💪for sake of Allah swt. Ameen

[@marefin712]

This is such a beautiful story, unfortunately this is a common concern in the west or even in many so called Islamic countries, I say this because I too am living in America and have experienced no real parenting structure in the home I grew up in. This is usually a common concern among the Bangladeshi community living in America, especially when many parents either father or mother over prioritize family needs back home (such as the needs of grandparents, uncles, aunts, uncles and aunts children needs) , that they neglect/ or overlooke their own children's individual needs. Especially the older generation, where important discussion or communication are being overlooked and children are taught that salah is important and preserving salah is important to entering paradise. Many children are taught the value of salah, but the importance of preserving good character is overlooked such as discussion of sex or even the issue of premarital intermacy is rarely discussed at home or has become a taboo topic.

[@saharatif8170]

So true! I think there are two key elements always stay between kids and parents are "Communication" & "Love".. When these two are there, things can easily be sorted out❤️

[@mukhtargafar628]

Wonderful

[@tizzlekizzle]

I think most families have two or three faces...so this would never fly. But...when coming from a place of integrity.....this approach withstands all pressure. Its coming from a place of real love. I never had anything near that. Maybe one day I can give that to my fam.

[@pantiasuhanpeduliyatim5832]

May Allah make us All Amazing Mothers and Parents Overall Amen Amen Amen

[@angrycannibal6625]

Allah huwalam!!!! May Allan be pleased with her! Allah please guide us and strengthen our relationships with our children!!!!

[@yawnavee7989]

I never want a girlfriend the haram way now thank u

[@mohamedimohamedi8933]

Tell kids straight we will be liable for everything we have done in this life very polite

[@oumadam1071]

Great speaker mashallah

[@fatimahseck4215]

Masha'ALLAH

[@zizifauziyah6069]

I want to be that kind of compassionate mom, I am still struggling with it, please make dua for me, my son is 13 years old now.

[@mariavenchxo6330]

Inshallah,please make sure ur children trust you.Im saying this as a duaghter.

[@elaf4992]

I aspire to be like the second parents . They're amazing

[@comparethemarket7492]

That’s so wise

[@aminuaidara8601]

Masha Allah bless you sister

[@MUHAMMADALI-yw4ps]

Even I cried

[@NT-co8yd]

For the first parents it's still not too late. Obviously, he will still do what he wants, but after they do their job by letting him know before they die that what Islam teaches about his situation then it will be off parents shoulders and on their sons shoulders. He will be accountable for his own deeds as he is an adult. And maybe later in life allah will guide him

[@sabhji9780]

She is beautiful. Especially her shaped eye brows. People are mad saying that Islam prohibits eye lining.

[@MyName123.]

I love this. Respect women!

[@user-qr2ch3ht9b]

Aaaaaaaaaaaawh that was really sad TwT But in the end, the right decision must be taken.

[@Thesidsentinel]

I am Pakistani American born and raised here. It is very hard. Imagine if you grew up in Pakistan and someone said you had to marry someone who is a Japanese Buddhist. But that's what lives of us immigrant kids are. Mostly everyone we meet is off limits. Due to our parents fear, they are so controlling..i remember being 31, making a profile online, and talking to a guy who said he already had spoken to me (that was my mom pretending to be me). So even in 30s, i was so controlled. I think the son is going to resent his mother for doing that. Especially once you get used to sex, going sexless is difficult esp for boys. Realistically, if not in this generation, next generation will definitely not abide by these norms that much. My sister is married to a white American. My other brother only likes black girls. My parents took us to Pakistan regularly, sent us to weekend islamic school, etc. But still my sister is with a white nonmuslim guy. So there is really no guarantee. I feel bad for the 2nd scenario; that guy is going to be hiding everything if he likes any girl again.

[@gowharsyed]

You expssed it best way possible,bless you.

[@dsalazarm]

'you will not hide from her the rights that she has under our religion', WOW.

[@anh4904]

Good content of vid . What the hell is up with the audio and video positioning on this ??

[@shahida5051]

Masha Allah

[@nunyabizness54]

These are Muslims I can respect!! Thank you!!

[@hockeyzythebest]

Mad Respect for that family. Usually Indo/Pak people will throw him out or tell him "what will people say?". This is the approach everyone needs to take.

[@degenerals6127]

hockeyzythebest True and shameful Instead of finding a solution we complicate the problem

[@Tilesandfabrics]

Allah tala knows best. Aameen