How We Accidentally Shame Toddlers For Perfectly Normal Behavior

At some stage, you’re going to notice your toddler start doing things which aren’t generally considered socially acceptable, like exploring their private parts.
A common reaction (especially if you're out in public), is to quickly tell your child to stop doing what they're doing, and tell them not to do it again. You might even feel some embarrassment yourself depending on the situation.
Unfortunately, even though it's not intentional, this can often make toddlers feel ashamed and like they've done something wrong.
But these behaviours are actually perfectly normal, and something every child will do as they develop. That means it's important to respond in a way that doesn't make them feel like they're doing something shameful or wrong.
In this video you'll learn how to respond to these situations in ways that won't cause embarrassment, shame or guilt.
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[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks for watching! How have you managed this normal behaviour? Don't forget to get your free Communication Milestones Chart here: brightestbeginning.com/communicationmilestoneschart/

[@justathumb]

i will mention that i STILL remember when i figured out the "difference" between men and women, and proudly told my parents (at home), and they burst out laughing. they totally meant well but i INSTANTLY knew i had said something embarrassing and to never speak of it again 😬 i thought they'd be proud of my observations, so just be mindful of laughing about the topic too 😅

[@mommybreakdown]

“Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable.” - Brené Brown Addressing our kids’ behaviors as “normal” and then providing boundaries is fabulous. Thank you!!

[@EmmaHubbard]

It’s my pleasure!

[@СветланаБайгерова]

Ok, the theory is great. Thanks for shedding light on the topic. Nevertheless, I didn't figure it out for myself how exactly I should gently guide my sonny towards the appropriate behavior. If it's not advisable to reprimand him on the spot, when is the right moment to talk? Could you please give an example of the language that you would use?

[@celia-hannabystricky6598]

Naming them right is also a very important aspect of guiding the children through this learning process. It's important that they can explain it correctly when they are being touched inappropriately and also that they understand that they are the ones to decide over their body (that's why you should also let them decide whether or not they want to touch themselves). For example: It's their vulva they're touching, not their vagina

[@meghancooley9306]

Thank you for another great video Emma. Please keep them coming! I find that redirecting my 18months old works well.

[@marziamamdani5373]

Emma I have been following every single one of your video ever since my daughter was born. She is going to turn 1 this week , and I have never been desperately in need of your help than I am now. She refuses to eat pretty much everything that she has literally been eating since she was 5 months old. She was never a picky baby , she would eat everything. Now , it seems like all she wants is bananas. I have cut her bottles (formula) down to basically just 1 in the morning and 1 before sleeping. She puts her arms up to her mouth , she turns her head away , she cries , she starts rubbing her whole face with her hands , and now she just holds the food in her mouth if I’m able to get a bite in it. And then just to add to it , she isn’t even finishing her bottles anymore which makes me think she wants to be off of formula now. But how can i when she doesn’t eat food ? This has been happening for about 2 weeks now , and she has her top and bottom teeth btw. I am so frustrated because I don’t know what to do. I know she’s not getting any nutrition besides fruit , and I am sick of it. Please please help me Emma , you’re the only one that can 😭

[@katiefacey23]

You should contact your pediatrician

[@miagonyon8580]

Contact your pediatrician it sounds like allergies or tummy upset maybe some intolerance to certain foods so she’s scared of eating. But I’m not a dr just what came to mind contact her Dr.

[@tanjakorevaar1354]

Hi! I would also advise you to talk to a professional, but I would also like to share with you what helped us with mealtime. There are still sometimes our toddler won't eat, but generally he eats well these days. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are moments we always try to eat at the dinnertable all together (if possible of course, my husband works away from home a lot, so he can't be there always). We set up the food in front of him, with child-utensils within reach, but we also allow him to eat with his hands. Depending on what type of food we're having it's mashed/mushed, cut in small chunks, served in a bowl or served in a plate with different compartments. For instance: Cooked potatoes with cauliflower are mashed together, you can add a little bit of gravy/cheese and/or vegetable sauce. This fills the main compartment of his plate. In the small compartment we put a sliced up sausage. This is his favorite meal, which he devours! Another example: He doesn't like his pasta already mixed with the sauce, so we put te pasta and the sauce in different compartments of his plate. He also gets a little bit of pasta mixed with sauce in another compartiment, which he usually leaves untouched, but still we give him te option. Now that dinner is served, we're just having conversations about our day and/or any other topic besides the food. I do sometimes compliment my husband on the cooking (or he compliments me, depending on which of us did the cooking) and talk to each other about what we like about the meal or what we would do differently if we were to have it again. I also try to not look to at my toddler constantly, so he doesn't feel watched and pressured to eat. It took sometime for me to let go of feeding him and to get him to 'take one bite'. But since we've started doing things this way, there hasn't been a meal where he hasn't at least ate something. Mealtimes are now (most of the time) a lovely family-time.

[@TheKatenye]

My daughter just turned 2 years old... Has only started to eat food... Wasn't interested at all only wanted bottle... Dosent talk but was walking at 11 month old... Not the most intelligent and isn't interested in outher toddlers her age... Only lissing to me and my tone of voice... So happy mum good voice trying to explain no that's not right deep voice.

[@shannonflavell]

They’re not interested because they are trying textures they’re unfamiliar with. It’s very common for babies and toddlers to even gag with new foods because it seems foreign to their body. It takes repetition and showing them by example that it’s okay and “yummy” to eat.. It’s up to the parent to ensure they are getting used to different food textures/flavours.. otherwise they will grow up eating nothing but easy/convenient things like Mac n cheese and chicken nuggets.. and that’s not physically sustainable 😅

[@vaishalisharma5103]

Very well explained as always.

[@amaaidoo772]

Thank you so much, comes at a right time

[@EmmaHubbard]

No worries at all. Glad it has come at the right time for you!

[@TheGabstart]

What should I do when my 16 month boy is always pulling hair really badly to the point where my 9 and 11 year old cry because he ripping hair out

[@Icantuu]

Well, you as a mother, should protect your daughters, help them if son is pulling their hair. Grab his hand and say firmly “No! We do not pull hair”. ..or something like that

[@TheGabstart]

I have tried that for weeks but he think it funny

[@mh8162]

Maybe just always have their hair in buns when with him (eg can have it down in school but put it up when home) not loose, then he is less likely to grab, when he tried to grab say no we don’t grab hair and give him something else he can play with that requires fine motor skills, get the other kids to play with him and that toy so they can bond and help buildup their relationship, kids have an instinct to grab when things are dangling and might not understand that it hurts them when he does grab their hair even if they cry he might not connect the dots so it has to be said to him, remove the hair from his grip and then put something else in his hands to occupy him. Hope that helps, best of luck

[@c.bangerter2096]

Emma Hubbard has a video I recently saw about how to handle biting. Some of the same principles may apply to pulling hair kzbin.info/www/bejne/a2ndmaeMgM6srbcsi=-OUyMYIHtFQDP6xZ

[@alexg8852]

Provide a bunny with long ears. Demonstrate by pulling on the bunny’s ears and encourage the behaviour by letting him pull on them. Involve the sisters in the bunny play time. Often toddlers pull on hair or clothes joyfully because they are expressing intense happiness. Silk texture of hair over loads their senses and can trigger an intense dopamine rush. A silky stuffy helps.

[@graczznumerempierwszym]

Amazing lecture!

[@ruthy2027]

Re-directing children works really, especially with little ones.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Re-directing is a great strategy.

[@lema91]

An other helpfull video as always Emma, thank you

[@EmmaHubbard]

My pleasure!

[@Chuma.N]

Timely video!😊🙏🏽

[@EmmaHubbard]

So glad!

[@poweroflove2932]

Great video ❤

[@EmmaHubbard]

Glad you liked it!

[@laurabiancadragomir7354]

❤❤❤

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks!

[@realtalkwithrebecca8526]

The timing of this is PERFECT! 😅 I walked in to the bathroom to check on my 4 year old son, he was in there for longer than normal... 🫣 as soon as i walked in he said "look mommy this is so funny!" He was holding his privates with one hand and tickled the tip with his other and laughed and laughed! I was horrified 😂 i just said "uh that is funny." And turned around and walked out! I was mortified but knew that he needs the opportunity to explore and i dont want him to think he cant share MOST things with me. Hahahaha this video was perfectly timed and im so thankful for the tips to be able to have that conversation with him. Thank you for another fantastic video Emma! ❤