She gave me an Ultimatum

[@god.calls.me.friend5635]

when I was in this situation it was less about being insecure of any woman around my man. and more about is he willing to prioritize me feeling secure in this relationship? When I understood he was more willing to protect the feelings of said best friend and safeguard their relationship more than he did with our own, I realized I was clearly the one overstepping. and removed myself from their relationship. I wanted to be with someone who prioritized and protected me the way he did her.

[@anikawilson1937]

And dudes really need to check themselves on why their "friend's" feelings are more important than your partner's???

[@MingoK19]

@@anikawilson1937people need to carry a lot more trust into relationships

[@Catch_XXII]

Isnt that manipulative though?

[@luvmifro1003lovesfamily]

I absolutely agree with removing yourself because if your partner has already made a decision, you now, as the outsider have a decision to make. It's absolutely fine if he prioritized is friendship over his relationship. It's absolutely ok to remove oneself from said situation. Too easy

[@anikawilson1937]

@Catch_XXII what's manipulative? What it comes down too is honesty and showing yourself approved. You have to be honest with your partner about how he's treating his friend makes you feel. And he has to show you that your feeling matter

[@shawanda.denise727]

"She doesn't give you an ultimatum. She wants you to choose her." 🎯 Glen!!

[@RIZEArtStudios]

This young man has already made an emotional covenant to forsake every other woman in favor of his best friend and the best friend has done the same. Marry your best friend properly and let your fiancé go so she can heal and be with someone who is available to prioritize her above everyone else

[@m.miresh1384]

Let this be a lesson to all women who are so called 'besties' to men. Normally men struggle to have vulnerable relationships with other men so when they're single, they tend to lean onto their female friends to satisfy that need. They can spend years on years, relying on you for emotional comfort and validation and as soon as they find someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with, they drop you like a hot potato. Don't get me wrong, I agree, that's what needs to be done. Your partner comes first. It's just that that level of communion and exchange should not exist to begin with when it comes to the opposite sex. Women do this too but I find it's mostly prevalent with men, since women are better able to tap into being vulnerable with their female counterparts. This is not to dissuade anyone from platonic relationships but I'm just tired of seeing my sisters being emotional surrogates for these men up until they find their partners. Boundaries with opposite sex friends need to be maintained way before marriage. If he wants a shoulder to cry on, direct him to a therapist, you are not an emotional ATM. These are my thoughts.

[@abawitx]

What Beleaf said was so important. This is a covenant she is entering into with him. With only two people. Not three. And he actually said on his voicecall that this is a woman who "is a source of life and love in his life"?! Did he seriously say that??? Bruh. I dont think he realizes how easily what he said came out. He is being verrryyyyyyy dishonest and delusional about his so called friendship and projecting the responsibility of the emotional safety on his fiancé. His best friend is clearly occupying A LOT of his mental space and definitely sounds like he confides in her in a way that is supposed to be for a wife not another woman. If I were the fiance and if I heard this call, smh, I would save myself the trouble and not marry him at all. Run farrrrrrr away. Its infidelity waiting to happen if not already. He is not ready to be a husband whatsoever. He is obviously already in a spiritual covenant with this other woman. And its insulting to her to say the cliché black phrase that it is "trauma" that is causing her to act this way. No, young man, it's called discernment. So important to break off other soulties prior to marriage.

[@Bellaanbi]

It makes me wonder what kind of relationship he has with his Fiance, if she is not his best friend.

[@Iamlonndanicole]

Most of these friends and FAMILY do not understand covenant or don’t respect others covenants because they feel like they have been there longer than the spouse. I lost marriage because of this.

[@sofiaolivarez9728]

I'll be honest, to make your partner cut off a good friend because they're the opposite sex is cruel, immature, and downright ignorant to me. That being said, I think Glenn and Yvette made good points. We all have different boundaries, and there has been times when I disagree or don't understand the boundaries of my partner---- but I respect them regardless. Another great episode from the Henrys! 💜I know it can't be helped sometimes, but please don't disappear again y'all 😂I look forward to your content every week

[@shawanda.denise727]

I always appreciate how open and honest Glen and Yvette are about their relationship while also extending such gracious consideration to others and the decisions that'll be best for them (since different things work for different people). With that in mind, I'd like to offer an additional perspective/possibility: maybe this is happening because the guy in this scenario needed an eye opener about where HE really is. Perhaps there's some reevaluating he needs to do and an honest moment he needs to have - with himself as well as with others. If having a partner that accepts his female best friend is a non-negotiabl/deal-breaker for him, I think it's important for him to acknowledge that. He needs to he honest with himself about it. Then, he needs to share that with his partner, with care and grace, understanding that she may not be willing to accept that. As painful as that may be, it may just mean that marriage to each other isn't for them. It certainly doesn't make them bad people, it may just mean that's the line of demarcation in their being unequally yoked. Personally, I believe it's just as risky and dangerous to tell him to "just suck it up" as it is to tell the fiance that - going against one's core values (especially due to outside pressure) is often a fast track to marital misery, even deeper sometimes than infidelity can go. The resentment one can develop when they feel unaccepted can mare a marriage for a lifetime. Walking into a marriage not being honest about where you stand may doom it to inevitable failure even if you stay together 50 years. A person can be there physically, but if their heart isn't present, then what?

[@giiemm2633]

Two pods in a week 😮 ❤❤❤

[@suziesmith9076]

We love it

[@sugarwaters]

Really good advice Glen and Yvette. Loved your advice about preemptively safe guarding, sacrifice, and giving your partner peace of mind. If the friendships will work, they have to seriously evolve. Opposite sex friends have to transition into couple friends and hardcore boundaries have to be put up. Infidelity happens most often with close friends not randoms off the street.

[@tierramonique]

Rollercoasters are scary but enjoyable for those who want to get on them. Those who really want marriage need to know it will always be wedded bliss. Uncomfortable Sacrifice is inevitable for both people. Buckle Up and enjoy, learn and grow on the ride of marriage. Thank you Yvette and Glen for a great podcast.

[@Afrikah2911]

That ending was too cute!

[@recipebandit3563]

Good for you Glen. You recognized,evaluated and reassessed yourself and apologized for your actions towards Yvette. Kudos 🎉

[@verneesands]

I have always had a lot of males friends like brothers. Any time they get in a relationship or I get in a relationship ,i create my own boundaries out of respect for their relationship. I have never had to give up my friendships, but there is a boundary set

[@Shauntenj]

My late husband and I decided at the time to cut both of our best friends of opposite sex off. Being 18 and having a very young and immature relationship at the time, it was super necessary. Once our marriage matured, we kind of felt like we were at a place where we knew our personal boundaries, And each other week enough to change that and be coo with whomever. Honestly, after you’ve been married for so long, you almost stopped desiring to hang out with people that are not on your personal path marriage, family, kids etc fast forward, so it was kind of dope that once my best friend got married, we were able to all be friends, And our kids were able to become like cousins and now my kids have a uncle and aunt that can tell them about their parents in his absence. Long story long…chose the relationship and a real bff should love you enough to wish you the best for your whole life, not just the part that suits them.

[@AyannaFootman]

Well Said! ❤️

[@angk777]

What a hopeful beautiful message, Blessings 🙌

[@sugarwaters]

I don’t date men with female best friends. I actually stopped dating a guy for that exact reason recently. Men and women can’t be close friends. Idc what anyone says. 🤷🏾‍♀️ giving that level of emotional intimacy to another women is just asking for trouble. When we have relationship troubles you going to run to her for that too? So now you have a woman knowing things about my relationship and thoughts about me that I don’t even know? That’s crazy. Yal going to go out for food and drink to hang out alone? That’s ridiculous. I’m not about to get Blair Underwooded. He left his wife of 20+ years for his bestie. Stop trying to play in people’s faces. Go date her if you value her so much.

[@MingoK19]

Fear has far too much control over us. It’s not difficult to just have a conversation and set up boundaries.

[@LetMeMuse]

People only feel this way when the friend is attractive.

[@Drawingboredi]

I'm sorry but I'm a female and all my female friends who are bestfriends with men have blurred lines even though they try pretend they don't. The one cuddles or cuddled with him and they (only) slept in a bed together while away. I'm sorry honey, I don't trust none of that female bestfriends thing.

[@sashabell7701]

The worst thing is people will try and gaslight you into thinking that you’re insecure and immature when it’s you setting boundaries because things always get blurred. And things and feelings always get caught more often than not.

[@Soulful_Chaos]

@@MingoK19You’d be surprised.

[@LovingSoul61]

I've personally been the best friend in the situation and I was cool with the change but it was the way it happened that hurt. If he just was honest and said things need to change now that his relationship is serious, I would have been completely supportive and happy for him so it was hurtful to me that he didn't feel like he could be straight up. But a true friend would never get in the way of their friend's happiness. It's starting to act funny and distant and...kind of mean like trying to push me away without just being mature and saying the thing for what it is.

[@torreshughes802]

This episode makes me want to go watch every episode. I’m 30, I want to get married one day, but I have so much growing to do. I admire the advice that you all give and everything you both do for the culture. Liked and subscribed!

[@________1516]

17:36 ikkju

[@Ktic94]

Nope. They can just be together. 🙃

[@kmacnme]

I am not your target audience. But, as a 57 year old, never married, Black woman, who raised children as a single mother, I love your podcast. I first became aware of you on the series Black Love. I am drawn to your channel because I appreciate your God-centered intention and your thoughtful, considerate, and vulnerable responses to various topics (plus Yvette's voice is so soothing - 😆). I find that I can relate to your topics and conversations based on my personal experiences with family and past intimate relationships. I also love getting a glimpse into how well you are raising your beautiful Black children. Thank you for your content!

[@ty6015]

I always find some insight on SOMETHING when I watch yalls podcast 🖤

[@GodsChildLtd]

I thought about the "relationship is scary" comment when I heard the intro in this episode, and was thinking the same thing Glen said, relationships ARE scary! Especially marriage! There's so many mountains to conquer in relationships that ppl don't realise.

[@Iamlonndanicole]

As women, we know what other women are capable of and we also know how the small foxes work. Marriage is not for the weak nor the immature. separate until you are one with your wife and then integrate the friend back into the loop.

[@luvmifro1003lovesfamily]

IMHO, when you have friends of the opposite sex, you should create opportunities for them to be around each other often. That way they can genuinely get to know each other. If they're hardly around each other or they hardly speak to each other, it can be difficult for them to form their own bond outside of him. Im glad she did this before they got married because clearly this situation is a deal breaker for the both of them

[@sonatajoyy]

Yvette was thinking “You are a reflection of the 5 closest people to you”!

[@BriV3]

I don’t do female best friends lol I used to give men the benefit of the doubt but my ex who I dated for 8 years, married the best friend he told me to always stop worrying about lol… they had grown up together and acted more like siblings so I didn’t want to ever seem like I was being insecure or anything.. but after finding out they got married I was like wow lmao

[@MingoK19]

If the friendship made you uncomfortable, there’s no way you should have stayed for 8 years. From what you shared it sounds like he was single and chose someone else in his singleness. Was he not committed to you in your relationship? I don’t see why what he did after yall broke up remains an issue.

[@acestepz]

Ahh 😬 I’m sorry you went through that

[@BriV3]

@@MingoK19 I never felt like I had a reason to actually be against their friendship and I had told myself it was just my own insecurities. Also he didn’t owe me any loyalty after we ended up breaking up.. it just made me go “wow” after a year of us breaking up I see him in a whole marriage to his best friend he used to say he never even seen like that lol it just makes me wonder how their dynamic actually was when we were together. Did they always know they had deeper feelings for each other and I was the one in the way? Did she fill voids that I did not? Did he always look at her as his potential wife? lol I just had many many questions..

[@kenndavid7172]

​@BriV3 a year after?!! Lol I was about to defend my boi, but he din even wait around or look around, I can't defend him😂😂

[@kenndavid7172]

​@@BriV3it's possible he saw His best friend as wife material, but boundaries were in place... and trust me, if that man really loved you, he probably was wholeheartedly committed to you... despite how he viewed his best friend... Why did you guys break up if you don't mind me asking...

[@mayabasquin]

Solid advice. Highly recommend talking through this with the premarital counselor.

[@tiphhunter]

THIS!

[@phyliciawilliams4572]

I agree with Yvette. Why are you questioning it. I mean it’s great to have a best friend HOWEVER , having a partner is different.

[@Quaylasoul333]

The person whom you call your spouse/partner SHOULD ABSOLUTELY be your best friend. I believe wholeheartedly that, at some point, those same best friends will find one another attractive and if given the opportunity, it could lead to something more. 👀 It's all about the labels a person has and how you prioritize them, especially in the heart space 💜 Speaking from some very personal experience...

[@amark8786]

HOW MARRIED ARE YOU!?? I love it here seriously

[@GrimmjowJu]

“ How married are YOU “ Glen got so heated at the end 😂😂

[@patrese25]

Good job with the recap

[@Ruthlesspast]

Glen said don't try to kiss me while leaning into the kiss… Sir 😂

[@niqueinga326]

😂😂😂

[@Aneesa95]

Glen be getting the “ick” real quick LOL

[@Aneesa95]

He was like yea…let’s clear that up. LOL went ALLLL went out to dinner 😂.

[@deez596]

I loooove this episode. Y'all be vibin deep. 💕😊

[@kenndavid7172]

Ive been in this situation before, if the guy cuts off His best friend for his fiancée, he may resent his fiancée for some time... also, I hope the fiancée can make similar sacrifices in the future because her man might be looking out for similar situations, and trust me, there will be... Everyone has an opinion when the shoe is on the other foot... Regardless, if His fiancée is someone who he deems is worth it, then he should bite the bullet and let the friendship go

[@KatrinaTheArtist]

I would not be comfortable with someone who the turmoil of this decision. I would allow him his friend and keep my peace of mind

[@adoratheexplorer99]

I always learn something from this podcast. I love it so much and I can't wait until the day I have a Godly marriage like yours.

[@luvurnestly7798]

I absolutely agree with everything you stated. It's not an insecurity but a boundary!

[@kerryfitting6070]

Y'all just be so real. I love it. Great advice!

[@sugwilliams6257]

VERY GOOD episode xoxo to all the Henry's 🤗

[@asiaz248]

Well he should've married the best friend.

[@SalsaConT]

Good recap sir

[@thefoxaay]

The guy needs to set boundaries. He's been looking at it from a more kind of selfish standpoint. Yes you have a bestfriend but firstly the bestfriend is female, 2nd you have to put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if your fiance was that close to a male bestfriend? Would you feel ok if she was telling another guy that she misses him and loves him and wants to meet up? You need to respect your fiance and make it your duty to set healthy boundaries. Another general question, just out of curiosity. How many male/ female bestie relationships are 100% platonic with no other feelings attached?

[@priscillamichel4797]

Perfect timing! ❤

[@tksimpson5735]

This was a good episode. You both provided very good advice and perspectives to help this young man. I do believe the young lady (at 21/22) may not be as mature as the young man when it comes to relationships and may have a different perspective later down the road. Marriage (especially a godly marriage) will teach you both how to communicate, compromise and establish trust and boundaries. Also IMO… Boys can just pull out and not expose any other parts of themselves to pee. However, us ladies/girls have to pull down or raise up our clothes which exposes our whole bottoms (front and back) to do so 😳. The only exception is when she learns how to pull apart the hole in women’s support garments.😊🤷🏽‍♀️

[@SalsaConT]

Great episode!

[@Vuwanaka]

😂😂😂 @ Glen's HMAY kerfuffle!

[@angk777]

What Yvette said; do you want a wife or a "best friend" the rest of your life?

[@jessicagraham734]

I just love your intro ❤❤ and i have similar opinions i also have worked on my reactions

[@JoshuaGipson]

The fiancé made that up that she heard a rumor they dated in high school to see if she could get some info. Now that she sees it’s still nothing she can’t back down lol that’s why she won’t tell you where she heard it from 😂🤷🏽‍♂️

[@mutsacarole]

I got married to my long term "best friend" - sorry to all our exes, seriously, really very sorry🤷‍♀

[@kandyedwards1376]

I'm single yes at 42 so relationship iconvo is crazy. Imma woman with guy friends, I have friends for 20yrs that are guys. Ppl can't accept that

[@vivianwells617]

You know before I married at 32 I had guy friends too. Pretty much since high school. I thought the same way but when I met my husband and his love and gentleness for me - it changed my perspective. It is hard to understand when you have not met the person you want to spend your life with. Your desire changes. And the guy friends that remained, they understand and respect the boundaries. It took some adjusting but because they are men, they get it. Plus, I wanted my best friend to be my husband!

[@Gwaycee]

Nope. If there are more than two people in a relationship other than a man and his wife, they need to keep off. Saying to self that they are "just friends" is delusional and a sexual affair waiting to happen. God designed a man and his wife, not plus female friends because He, in His infinite wisdom knows that friendship is not just friendship, there are ties involved.

[@Butterflii37]

They might not be mature enough to get married at this point in time. The fiancée sounds like she is insecure especially to think that women should not be around her man. It sounded like he made an effort to have them be friends to ease her angst, and she wasn’t open to it. He’s also immature if he can’t see that making her feel less of a priority than his friend is hurting her. I think if they get married after he’s “forced” to choose, he will grow to resent the fiancée and potentially rebel against his marriage by cheating later on, or punishing the wife in some way. If you ever have to “make” anyone do anything they aren’t willing to do it’s already a done deal in my opinion.

[@mukudzeimlambo]

15:40 Just marry your best friend, bro

[@AskIveSolar]

That 3 year age gap at their age might be the issue. 23 years old....hard to take this choice seriously because of how young she is. Especially gauging how he sounds.

[@missj9879]

I LOVE Bitchin Sauce! It is delicious.

[@gloriamadrid1468]

I think it can go both ways. But his fiancé sounds unhealed and like someone betrayed her trust and so she’s putting what they did to her on her fiancé. That’s too much. You don’t even want him around his female family members. That’s a red flag.

[@constanceboo8494]

I have been with my husband since 07. My husband has a lot of female friends. I never had a problem with any of them. I'm coo with them. He did have a life before me. Y'all females are wired. And he also knows I had a life before I met him. You can't let crazy people control who you Love. Man or Woman

[@joyfullychosen1771]

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

[@leonisaacs3512]

Groomsmen stand up!

[@MingoK19]

Getting married to someone who doesn’t trust your decision making is tricky. It’s not his responsibility to “make” his fiancé trust him. His actions leading up to the proposal should have done that. How much more does the man need to prove? He’s marrying this woman. Why isn’t that enough for her?

[@Drawingboredi]

It might not be him she doesn't trust. Some of these women be " bestfriends" with the hope to be chosen and they won't even respect your relationship coz they have in their mind it should be them. Maybe she experienced something around the lady that he as a man missed.

[@wandaparedesabad3620]

Well no it is his responsibility to make sure he doesn’t give her reason not to trust her. But in this situation, it seems like the fiancée has her issues since she is making him cut all his female friends off and now his bestfriend. The fiancé has to trust him as well

[@MingoK19]

@@Drawingboredi Your scenario still says she doesn't trust the man. Who cares what you have been through. Trust that the man you're choosing will make the correct decision.

[@MingoK19]

​@@wandaparedesabad3620 You're not saying anything I did't already say. "His actions leading up to the proposal should have done that."

[@amark8786]

OK, I’ve been watching for some years and it’s so crazy because I’ve been in preparation to be a wife and he found me lol Anywho I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS RESPONSE! i’m 30 minutes in and I would have thought the fiancé was just being jealous or distrustful. If another woman comes around and he knows he has no intentions feelings ect. we’re falling into every time she feels insecure now he gotta push people away. That was a friend for over 10 years, I don’t really understand that. I would choose my friend because that seems to me he got something else going on. I also have not been in multiple relationships and have all that negative strife so 🤷🏾‍♀️ 31 minutes in I don’t agree, and I will keep this in mind THANK YOU SO MUCH

[@amark8786]

Ok! 44:41… I understand it as a sacrifice. Why I would be holding my breath is 10 years down the line when she finally understands and then I wasted 10 years of not being with my best friend. So what I’m hearing is, who would you rather be with I guess 🤷🏾‍♀️and my response fore me is everyone! lol I want us all to be happy. I want you to believe me the first time I said it but I understand about loving through what you’re going through right then and that’s beautiful. It’s real deep so look at this thank you! 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@wonderbutterfly3]

Y’all are right. She’ll be fine. Just teach her how to inconspicuously pee outside, while also maintaining some form of hygiene lol, and she’ll be fine.

[@nikitaadetiba3549]

Your recap could have been a bit better…you should have said his best friend is a female in the beginning when you were introducing the characters of the story.🤪 I couldn’t tell until you said “SHE was there for him when his mom passed“.

[@BeleafInFatherhood]

😂 👍🏿

[@deborahwade8319]

Absolutely disagree with you. Your spouse cannot be everything, no one person can fulfilI every need. Only you know what your relationship is and also consider do you want to deal with jealousy for the next 50/60 years

[@Yolzee91]

No man. This advice is not it. Unless there is a legit observation that fiancé has made about said relationship with bestie, I don’t see why he should throw away that friendship for her. And asking him to do that is just cruel. All friendships have boundaries when you are in a relationship and THAT is what should be the discussion point here. Eg when you’re married, your same sex friend can’t just come over and sleep over at your place and hang like you used to when you’re single. Small example but boundary illustrated. Now come up with boundaries for the bestie and agree. People that issue such ultimatums I find problematic because does it ever end at that one relationship that they ask you to get rid of? Next thing it’s ALL your friends, it’s your family members, colleagues… hayi this is a rabbit hole. If you don’t have trust in your person just say that.

[@Msmaryjay]

I think the guy with the fiancé fiasco needs to let the fiancé go. The fiancé has deep issues if she can’t even handle the best friend only liking his stories. That’s crazy. And I’m typically pro relationship bc “best friends” tend to be border crossers and disrespectful. However, in this case, the fiancé seems to have traumas and insecurities that go much deeper than this friend and will potentially show up in other areas. And it doesn’t seem as if the fiancé is trying to get help for these issues. So if that is the case… RUN!!! Red flag 🚩 for sure. Run!

[@CJacksonMark]

The fiancé is insecure. She should address those insecurities before getting married. Hopefully this guy will be able to have female coworkers 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@tiphhunter]

26:48 “Who are you going to do life with?” Yes, Yvette! Such a good question to consider when dating with the intent to marry.

[@mayabasquin]

35:55 defining moment