☘️ 9 RED FLAGS 🚩 For When It's Time To Let Go

[@paulinebedi1241]

Your video came at just the right time. I was beginning the arduous task of deciding what to keep and what to let go when I watched it. The first time through I thought it has been in this container for so long I don’t need to deal with it now. Then I heard you talk about the silent to do list and suddenly I had the motivation to go through the containers again. I ended up freeing up 4 large containers which makes me feel so much lighter, thank you.

[@HowToGYST]

Oh wow, Pauline, that's brilliant! Well done!

[@sheelaghhalstead4549]

"Your home is not a storage unit" is a very good warning.

[@EmilyEmilyEmily01]

A funny story about things that actually bring bad memories up: Years ago, I had a coworker that was condescending, nice nasty, IYKYK. One holiday, she got everyone gifts and she got me a cute ceramic pen jar with my name on it. It was adorable! This gift from someone who I strongly did not like and happily never saw again (after leaving the job eventually) I kept until two or three years ago! I decorated my work desk with that jar a few years ago.. Slowly I realized that every time I saw that jar I thought about that person and it sucked all the joy that could possibly ever come from having it on my desk. I didn't even donate the jar. I tossed it and I never felt better. Only took about 10 years to figure out 😂

[@HowToGYST]

It's amazing how many emotions and memories can be imbued in physical items. Glad you were able to recognise it and get rid of the negativity.

[@MissPurbeck]

For nearly 50 years I kept a needlecase that I made at school, everytime I used it I remembered being made to look stupid in front of the class for getting the cost of it wrong. Last year I cut it up into little pieces and threw it out. Icannot tell you how freeing that was. Such a small thing but it had been a constant reminder of being humiliated and not 'good enough'.

[@HowToGYST]

Good for you! 👏

[@anyat686]

I did a no spend lent earlier this year. What an eye opener. Only food and petrol ( besides direct debits) No takeaway. No drive through. Only eating in a coffee shop if with someone else. Thats socialising 😂 No parking, or toll bridge. 😮. It was actually great fun. I was super rigid. I used up all the stash I gathered in lockdown 😂

[@lowwastehighmelanin]

Oh this is a great idea. 🤔

[@HowToGYST]

Well done for sticking with it! It's amazing how quickly all those little expenses add up.

[@jennyjenkins877]

That's such a good point about the hidden stuff that is just stored away. I started getting rid of things like my childhood Easter basket because the only time I'd look at it was when I was doing a round of decluttering. I don't decorate for Easter, it's a cheap, mass-produced item, and I have memories of Easter as a kid with or without it. Just because I kept it for over 40 years doesn't make it special!

[@nicky_bee]

I always feel lighter when I get rid of things, although sometimes it's physically hard to let them go. Love people and use things!

[@nedf8668]

I had to watch this a couple times and it was hard to do. I hadn't really thought about clutter danger but as you were talking about it, I remembered what happened to my dad. His house was cluttered and one day he tripped on a stack of magazines/newspapers, fell against something and broke his neck. He survived but was a quadriplegic and died a few years later as a result. I don't even know why I'm typing this but damn I need to clean up the crap in my house. Sorry my stories are so grim lately. Thanks for helping me stay sane.

[@lisajohnson420]

Oh goodness your poor dad 😢. I’m so sorry. It’s real though, I had a couple of TVs on my landing that we just weren’t making a decision on and one night I got up to use the bathroom and fell over them and smacked the side of my head bad on the door frame. Aside from a foot long bruise on my thigh and chip in my leg, I absolutely terrified myself with how close it was to doing life-changing damage or worse if it had been one of the kids. The decision of what to do with them was made very quickly after that I can tell you!

[@nedf8668]

I swear nighttime bathroom trips are the most dangerous! One night I tripped over a case of Coke and broke my foot. Glad you're ok and got rid of those TVs! @@lisajohnson420

[@HowToGYST]

Oh Ned, I'm so sorry.

[@nedf8668]

@@HowToGYST 💜

[@teresajohnson2790]

The Silent To Do list is definitely a thing for me. And I remember reading a Don Aslett book years ago that really clicked with me when he said that the things in your attic, even though you don't see them, can be mental clutter. Kind of like your forgotten clutter, but his point is you really don't forget it, you know it's there.

[@HowToGYST]

Love Don Aslett!

[@elstal22]

I have been doing tons of decluttering lately and I am finding it helpful to remove things under consideration from the room they are in. I pull things up from the basement, or out of my home office, and into the carport. I have my car, garbage can, and recycling bin closer to me than the stuffs’ original location, making the thought of hauling it back in side that much more unappealing.

[@aprildawnsunshine4326]

I have a number of chronic health conditions that mean I have limited energy to declutter or for anything else lol. Something I do from time to time is actually write down the silent to do list. It becomes clear very quickly what's important to me and what's just stressful. Most of the time I find I've been putting off the things that make me happy in favor of meeting others expectations. Ex: I've been putting off refreshing my seasonal decor in favor of making sure my kids are meeting their goals which they're fully capable of doing themselves (homework, cleaning their spaces, etc)

[@Terranova0]

Had to chuckle at myself -- bandaid purchases and forgotten clutter... it's when I know the house needs a good cleaning but I can't start until I buy $100 worth of cleaning supplies only to find I already have 3 of each product and a new mop & bucket still in their packaging but shuffled away in the garage. Buying the cleaning products makes me feel like I did something for the mess and relieves some of the guilt. And it gives me a few days to gloat until the boxes arrive (more paper clutter to deal with- yay).

[@granitemoss1451]

We all need to hear from time to time that it's permissible to let go of things that bring about negative feelings, so thank you for the important reminder.

[@elizlom]

The trust your gut reason resonates with me. When I am ready it is easier.

[@HowToGYST]

Yes, sometimes you just know when you're ready and when you're not, even if you can't explain why.

[@SG-wi5wx]

Already with the first tip.... Mind blown. The silent to dos are killing my cozy vibe.

[@HowToGYST]

I'm slowly but surely tackling mine. It's gonna be a long road but I'm already making progress and can feel the difference!

[@cynthiabotsko2449]

Excellent video! Love the perspective you approached this with - so encouraging & helpful! My biggest Red Flag is #2 😝 Every single room has at least 3 things on the silent-to-do and my exhausted brain can't find respite anywhere😳 Thanks for the chin-up❤️♾️❤️

[@HowToGYST]

Hope you can create a calming space for yourself in at least one area of your home. My current focus is my bedroom and I've made HUGE strides.

[@trishtraynor]

I think you're spot on that it's more than being lazy or untidy, and I recognize something in myself that holds me back, that reflects my self awareness. I watched a very old video of Diane in Denmark at half 2 this morning when I was worrying about what I could put on to go into town because it's been such bad weather. I have a lovely waterproof coat and I knew I couldn't reach where it is without moving all the stuff in my spare room away from the front of the wardrobe doors. Anyway, here's what stopped me open mouthed in the video and it was the notion of me being the person who always ate / eats the burnt slice of toast. Anything will do me, I can't be bothered about myself if everyone around me doesn't have the best. I still do it ! I can't seem to put myself first and yet I'm in such a clutter that I can't even get to my coat. I didn't have a handle on why until I heard the burnt toast analogy. I watch you and Diane and I look for anything that I can identify with, and I only watch you two because you are totally real and sincere. So, no more burnt toast for me in the form of stuff other people don't even know is here far less want me to keep it for them... just in case. 😍 Span 🙋🌈

[@jennyjenkins877]

I always got on my mom for being a martyr and now I'm the same way. 🤦‍♀ I used to think I was lazy (of course, that negative self-talk didn't help matters) until someone taught me about Executive Functioning and I discovered that I lacked skills in 2 main areas: Task Initiation and Time Management. Being a perfectionist was the real hold up though; it was too daunting to start any decluttering task because it would take forever to finish the entire project to my standards. As soon as I understood my struggles, I was able to try some strategies like setting a timer and breaking up the job into smaller chunks. I hope this helps you get started on your spare room and clear space to open the wardrobe doors.

[@josephdaly2015]

Omg I’ve a few of those red flags. Will have to watch the other video again so I don’t get overwhelmed which usually happens and then I just leave it worse (if that’s even possible) than when I started. Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 🙇‍♀️👏💪🙏💐🐕‍🦺

[@jencaldwell]

This is a very timely reminder. I needed to hear this today. So many things are going on with my family at the moment that are all time consuming, and all the red flags are relevant. Thank you xx

[@KellyBrocklehurstBooks]

This video was exactly what I needed. I'm mostly done with decluttering, but I still have several things nagging at me, and I think these tips will help me finally make decisions about them.

[@HowToGYST]

Good for you! Go get 'em!

[@MissPurbeck]

Your dog is certainly relaxed in his home! :-) Love the way he is lolling on the bed,

[@HowToGYST]

Just waiting for pets or treats. 😂

[@deborahderosa4987]

We have thousands of books that I purchased for myself, my daughter, and my mother. These books are now calling me to reread them bc many haven’t been read. Sooooooooo loud.

[@HowToGYST]

I know that feeling! I just add them to the wish list on my library's app now and declutter the physical book.

[@emmkaa2099]

Wow, Laura, LOTS of golden nuggets in this vid. 😢 ...LOTS!! You're a wonderful teacher, thank you! Hugs from the southern California desert, MK 🤗❤️🌵❤️🤗

[@HowToGYST]

All those hard lessons learned over the years. 😂

[@IndigoAwakener]

Wow what a wake up call: the Silent to do List, all of it. Thank you ❤

[@HowToGYST]

Hope it helps you snare some sneaky clutter. 😉

[@kathrynledger]

Not sure why, but this vid made me want to sort out my t-shirt drawer. I'm not questioning why, I'm just going to do it (while watching more). Thanks.

[@HowToGYST]

Good for you! Go for it!

[@sheelaghhalstead4549]

One of your best videos many new ideas giving food for thought about why its important to declutter. It's refreshing when many other people's videos are simply recycling old ideas.

[@PhoebesWorldProductions]

*nods* I'm definitely guilty of accumulating "band aid clutter". And I have a lot of the types of clutter that you talked about in this Red Flags list. I've been doing better about letting go.... but I STILL have A LOT more to go through and let go of. Thank you for this video. 😊👍

[@HowToGYST]

Oh yeah, I've a lot of it too. But making progress all the time. 🙂

[@PhoebesWorldProductions]

Progress is good.

[@kristiluce2838]

Thank you for this video. I have had my entire house in storage for 7 years while I lived in a small trailer. As I am going through stuff it helps to think about why I kept it and if I really want to use it in my new home.

[@HowToGYST]

Best of luck! 💖

[@rvanderjagt5944]

I may or may not have bought a planner this week when I was procrastinating on making space for an heirloom dresser we got last month. 😹

[@rvanderjagt5944]

So I did make a place for the dresser yesterday, and it is now moved. And I decluttered some things that had been in "storage" for 9 years. Thanks Laura for the motivational push!

[@HowToGYST]

Go you!!!

[@superfrantabulous]

It’s like you’re in my head!!

[@deannaw9657]

Thank you for the required Jovie photos and clips while you discuss hard but necessarily topics. I'm going to save this video to my watchlist so i can go over it many times and process it all. I can tell you that the silent to do list is my number one issue still. I'm going to go back to some of your planning videos and re-watch those to get a grip on that issue again. I'm down to the hard stuff now. I think i will use this video to drill down on one thing at a time. As always, thank you. ❤

[@fabienneroure9995]

Really great video❤ Thank you for taking the time to make it! ❤❤

[@HowToGYST]

Ah, thanks so much. I hope you enjoyed it.

[@fabienneroure9995]

@@HowToGYST I did! 🤗❤

[@amandarussell6298]

This was just what I needed to hear !

[@hollyedmiston3332]

Thank you both. I had a feeling the answer was gonna be to vacuum more often. I guess it just is and I’ll just have to keep dealing with it. Wouldn’t trade her in for the world.

[@TinaJackson]

I’m sitting here looking around wondering where you hid the camera bc you pretty much just described me. 😑

[@TinaJackson]

Like ALL of it. But my home isn’t “messy”, so it doesn’t seem urgent.

[@rebeccarendle3706]

This is such a great video. Thank you.

[@HowToGYST]

Ah, I'm so glad you like it. 🥰

[@Jazzatic2011]

The taking clothes out of your closet sounds like a clutter threshold thing honestly

[@HowToGYST]

Not sure what you mean? I'm currently decluttering my clothes.

[@Jazzatic2011]

@@HowToGYST I’m used to hearing the term clutter threshold from people like, dawn the minimal mom and Erica Lucas. What they mean is they don’t have the bandwidth to handle so many items. So you going through your clothes, even though you don’t have an issue with them almost sounds like your subconsciously or habitually now adjusting what you have so that you deal with less. Like you might have a tendency to handle less items then you would have before and now your naturally adjusting even without a reason to.

[@HowToGYST]

Yes, I do find that I can declutter more and more as I go along. With each wave I'm ready to get rid of additional items. 😁

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Def abuse is no joke. I think even tho I’m not really in danger of anyone hitting me or ending me or anything. I fend off tons of the attempted emotional abuse pretty well even. I think what I’m in the most danger of is letting a really good life pass me by…Bcuz of them. Bcuz right? I DO think on any level we need to make that an important matter ya know. Hand to mouth robot existing as just a bit player in someone else’s world (according to only what they want like need etc) is a real tragedy. But on the other hand tho, joking and banter about certain things around it can also be pretty cathartic. Lol. I’ve taken steps. Recently joined an abuse zoom support group/coaching thing. Reclaiming your own life after narcissistic abuse def is a step by step process. In stages. It just doesn’t happen overnight. I think I’d prob just say you don’t want either people or things that make you feel like you’re their or its hostage. Imprisoning you. Trapping you. Keeping you down or putting you in chains…that are tied to them and what they want. And if you look closely, it’s usually tied also to FOG-fear, guilt, obligation. So FOG is not usually good stuff. Anyone or anything coming from that FOG place usually isn’t in your best interest. Am I hanging on to it or am I staying put Bcuz I feel afraid not to? Or guilty? Or obligated? Those really aren’t good reasons to keep the things or to stay put with toxic people (or their agendas).

[@HowToGYST]

Abuse comes in many forms, sadly. So glad you've taken steps to get support!

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

@@HowToGYST Yes. So true. Thanks! I’m glad too. Just kind of at the point realizing I need a little help with “self differentiation” or “individuating.” 😬 I would briefly say that this sort of thing is a very diff animal than overt abuse (which I used to have my fair share of also). I guess the best words to try and quickly describe it would be that it is insidious and pervasive. Like a slow, silent killer of sorts…that at many times can seem benign or even “friendly.” And perhaps the most confusing kind as there are moments to where it seems to not even exist or some things seem small and inconsequential but they wind up causing major problems.

[@HowToGYST]

Oh yes, the slow creep.

[@jacquelynmoloney6172]

🤗

[@HowToGYST]

🥰

[@ewilson9435]

You know a little bit about my experience due to house move in 2019. Any help re letting go of damage done to the fabric of items eg handles of tennis rackets black in your hands? I have tried to clean mist things with dettol or such. Heart broken trying to save things. Means so much in terms of my sons things. Loàds of books, toys cds, sports equipment. Theur beds had to go completely destroyed and most clothes i had to wash four times. So much had to go. I am so angry and still don't have a solicitor to take him to task😢 Now I am concerned i have damaged my arms pulling and lifting heavy boxes, possibly causing neurological problem; also people neighbour s around me getting on my nerves definitely parallels.

[@ewilson9435]

Sorry for so much Laura just want a good ending to this.

[@HowToGYST]

I'm so sorry, it must be a lot to process. It's OK to allow yourself the time and space to grieve and try to heal from this. I'm truly sorry this happened to you.

[@hollyedmiston3332]

I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention this, but I’m curious. I also have a black dog and her hair is everywhere. I have an off-white couch and I often see Jovie on your white comforter. What is your routine for staying on top of dog hair?!

[@HowToGYST]

Jovie doesn't shed much at all, thankfully, so we don't do anything differently. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. If she was a big shedder I think we'd limit which furniture she could sit/lie on, and have a handheld vacuum handy.

[@hesherette]

im not Laura, so apologies for just butting in, but i was a vet tech for 5years, Jovie looks to have a hypoallergenic/ non-shedding coat. being hypoallergenic w a non or low shedding coat is actually one of the biggest reasons that poodles + "Doodle" mix breeds are so popular, they're also smart pups! all of my dogs ive ever had have been bad shedders lol, we vacuumed quite often + even had a special cordless "couch vacuum" to clean up after my fur balls were there

[@JohnNathanShopper]

👍

[@Guammaine]

Just popped up. And it was perfect. Just broke my no spend cuz I was depressed and regret it.

[@HowToGYST]

If you can return, do. Recoup that money! Hope you're feeling better now. 💖