Humanity’s Primary Addiction: Having Children (An Unpopular Thought Worth Considering)

[@breanapuente]

This is wildly on point and the reason I don’t and will not have children. I grew up in a large family (8 kids) with parents who loved parenting when we were young and grew to resent us as we got older. Meanwhile, they ignored their own generational trauma, divorced in misery when we were teens, and are incredibly unfulfilled in their later years with zero self awareness. My life is peaceful and I’m so fulfilled and happy without children. I’ve healed, I’ve grown, I’ve learned to set healthy boundaries. Life is good. Thank you for this perspective!

[@allthe1]

Lucky you! If it isn't too personal, at what age did you realize this and started healing? I have lived through something similar, although the divorce came much earlier when I was very young. My very first memories are of my parents arguing and fighting. I'm verging on 40 and feel I'm on the late side coming to terms with how my parents stopped caring and feeling confident around me after I grew up.

[@failedatmakingasandwich423]

Then that's not a children issue. Your parents had a responsibility to deal with their trauma but didn't. Not every parent is like this. Most people have normal parents.

[@TheEternalClown]

@@failedatmakingasandwich423 Depends on how you define 'normal.' Is anything in this world 'normal' and perfectly functional?

[@failedatmakingasandwich423]

@@TheEternalClown you know what normal means don't pretend you don't

[@elijimenez7710]

@@failedatmakingasandwich423no know or now 😂

[@TheMichelex20]

I have been thinking this for years. I have no desire to have children and yes the pressure is exhausting. You are saying out loud what a lot of people will never admit.

[@katrinalma1]

Thank you so much, Daniel, for this truth. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I’m selfish for not having children. But I’m happy to say that now i respond by telling those people: oh not so at all; what’s selfish is having children for all the wrong reasons.

[@sojournerkarunatruth4406]

There's no "right" reason to breed tho 🤡 if you want to be considerate of whomever's asking (if you don't intend to be rude) just say it's not your Path. It sounds religious or something, so it's difficult to argue 🤐💓🙏

[@laurar.2866]

I have seen soo many selfish parents! Including my own, of course. That's BS

[@dmackler58]

You’re welcome Katrina! Warn greetings!!! Daniel

[@sandrag9451]

Most parents are still children in adults suits themselves. They are playing "father, mother, child." I am saying this because I did it myself. I was not mature at all when I became a mother. And I regret so much having messed up my son. What is worse - even though I am being hard on myself, I probably still was a better mom, at least in the first years than most others I observed. Simply because of the fact that I had a good access to my natural instincts that let me reject many popular advice on "modern parenting". This gives me some solace and peace of mind. Still, in retrospect, it would have been better to decide against children. Sounds terrible but it's true. We need to be honest with ourselves. I appreciate Daniel for his courage and speaking out.

[@Marcus_Ute]

Thank you so much for your honesty. I'm in the process of committing to not having children and reading comments like this helps me feel supported.

[@user-ij9bs9ke9j]

@@Marcus_Ute, likewise!

[@jflgreen]

Same here. I know that unconscious motives drove me into parenthood. One child died so now I have just one. Sometimes I am glad about that. As much as it's heartbreaking and grievous situation. I am currently trying to learn to repair the poor parenting I did. It's not easy. My parents never did it. They and their poor parenting choices set me up even as I tried to do things differently, I still made huge mistakes. I was adopted and always treated as a commodity that was never worth my salt.

[@ethosterros9430]

And said son is likely to not respect women because of his mother

[@Cosmogirl014]

I was told I was 'selfless' not selfish for not wanting kids from a very early age. And I never did nor get married. I was told by a guy friend to never tell a guy that I don't want kids...or he'll dump you. I said, let him...I'm not a liar. My sister in-law said outright she wanted kids to take care of her when she's older. Selfish! 😉 My kids are in nature ... backyard critters - love them all and they me. 🐿🦋🕊 Excellent video, thank you Daniel! 🙋‍♀️

[@Emmiee114]

I’m uncertain about so many things in life but the one thing I’m a 100% sure about is not wanting to have children. Ever.

[@leelamisel_music]

Another happily childfree person here too!

[@corsicanlulu]

im an anti-natalist so its a no for me as well

[@tootienottoofruitie1726]

Same here......had none and want none

[@doloresvangaal2248]

I'm not going to have children, ever. I may change opinions about many things in my life, but not this. I did many stupid things in life, and maybe I still will. But having children is not one of them.

[@island661]

Couldn't agree more! Children are challenging and expensive to raise - if you're doing it right. I love when strangers ask me if I have kids, and I tell them that I am child-free by choice. 🤣 I am immediately put in "that" category. I love being in "that" category!

[@timothyVowens]

I tell people "I am single with no kids....by design.". Some get it and some don't.

[@sojournerkarunatruth4406]

I was blessed with a vitamin D deficiency (I read in a Harvard email, that vitamin D is important for conception) plus, I didn't try **that** **hard**, I mean, I got bored with the delusion after 4 months; I so often thank Gandalf that I'm child free #peaceistheonlyhappiness

[@pennyc7064]

I will try that reply next time I'm asked if I have kids.

[@revokdaryl1]

This is the primary reason why I don't want to have children. As much as it hurts to admit it, I can hardly look after myself. If a person struggles to provide for themselves, that's probably a good reason not to have children. If I can't spoil my kids, I'm not having any. Period.

[@philipidoux6607]

Love it! It's a challenging answer, but not to the point of beeing rude. I might use your answer, thanks!

[@e9s42tv69mo]

What a breath of fresh air to hear this finally said out loud by someone! As a woman who feels very much like you do, I didn't have children and boy did I catch hell from my in-laws, constantly nagging when I was going to have children, and even my own husband telling me I wasn't a so called "real woman" because i didn't want to have any. And when I explained my reasons to him for not wanting to, my reasons were dismissed by him as not being valid, and in addition, my feelings period were not valid in his eyes. Yet I have continued to be married to him, and 27 yrs later I heard him say one day that he didn't regret not having kids and this was said after a visit to see his family who has grown by about 30 kids since I first met them and he had just finished experiencing another chaotic visit with them, kids screaming and running all over the place, adults not in control of themselves or the kids, totally unaware of themselves spiritually and emotionally and spreading their craziness onto the kids, continuing the generational trauma......yeah, and his family called me the crazy one for not wanting to have kids.....

[@dustybryan91]

I used to live next door to an older Mormon couple that adopted a bunch of boys. Other people saw them as loving because they adopted boys and gave them homes but they were very controlling and made them do chores all day long. They also got money from the government for taking care of them and I think that's the main reason they had them.

[@alizapya]

Had a great chuckle at the title, imagining all the offended people. Sitting here happily child free, because there’s no way I’d impose my traumas on someone else.

[@ainslie187]

True, children are the _ultimate_ distraction & excuse.

[@thePribs]

Daniel, you left out the fact that bearing children is an unconscious and socially obligatory act for 90 percent of the people in the world. Here in India and in most Eastern cultures, it's almost a blind act. Nobody really thinks about why they want things. They just do what everybody else does cos it's too difficult to not conform.

[@sojournerkarunatruth4406]

Interesting, I know in Japan everyone is dating a video game character and there's a specific word for a shut-in, there; Hikikomori. But that's the only Eastern culture I know about because, I'm borderline obsessed with Japanese culture. But it's sort of a social obligation in America, too; I'm pretty sure that's why he labeled this video as an unpopular opinion 🤔 ... If you don't shit out semen-demons, **then** **what** **are** **you** **doing**?? It's breeders that project that **everyone** must have a "healthy" family (just like theirs) but those same breeders are in a dissossociated "family"; healthy according to whom? I guess it's "healthy" depending on who has the most control over everyone else.

[@manviiam]

thats the 100% truth. I'm an Indian. I can conform it.

[@le_th_]

Honestly, Priyanka, that is very much how it is in the United States, as well. People have children because it is expected, and when you tell people as a child that you don't want to be a mother, they tell you....for decades....that you will change your mind. In many cases, parents expect their own children to give them grandchildren, and if there is any delay or resistance or if the couple is not ready professionally or financially, their mother (usually) doesn't care, it's about what she expects. Those of us who stand our ground for age 10 to age 50 are then whispered about, with people assuming the female is barren and that is why she is not married and why she has no children, even if we have been married once, and even if the female had a prior abortion. It is insane the social pressure in the US. So few people stop and THINK deeply about what a child needs and whether or not they can provide that.

[@allthe1]

I'm from Canada and this is true of my own family. Me and my sibling are approaching 40 and our mother's growing resentful for not having grandchildren of her own. She's so addicted she's delighted and even anxious to babysit all of my cousins' babies and children. When we left our home she started babysitting her partner's grandchildren. When they grew up she switched to taking maximum care of any other child in the family. She does it to the point we have less and less of a relationship. I would also add that, as greatly as I desire children I never felt ready or secure in my own family. Nowadays I started realizing love was conditional and if I'd had children before this I would have repeated the same mistakes. At least now I know what kept me from doing it. I see everyone around me having children and, sadly, ALL of the fall into the trap. They HATE their children when they rebel or do not reciprocate, as much as they love them when they are vulnerable, sick, tired, or say and do socially acceptable cute things.

[@ishan2092]

and they fuck up their children because they refused to deal/feel through their shit :)

[@Calmosus]

How can you raise healthy children in this insane environment?

[@chris4231]

The environment has no effect on children if you're a perfect parent. The child can just procces all bad experiences with you.

[@OneWayTheWayYahweh]

With the knowledge that 'a thing' has never scientifically come from 'no thing', this implies there is a creator. And that creator (God) has a plan through all this. When we die all the injustices will be made right. God gives us choice now to be forgiven and start living right. The beautiful part of having a choice (not being forced to do good) is that only those who chose to repent, turn, be born again, and follow Gods way will live with him. Without faith this world is just a dark place of meaninglessness, and that's exactly what the devil would want you to think.

[@le_th_]

@@chris4231 Perfect parents??? Oh ffs, please tell me you're being facetious, and that someone didn't drop you on your prefrontal cortex. I've never heard such delusional thinking before. smh

[@le_th_]

@@chris4231 malignantly narcissist as all white supremacists tend to be

[@chris4231]

@@le_th_ Are you gonna get to the point or are personal attacks all you got?

[@fishstickbio594]

Primary addiction for humans …..SEX ….food ….power ….control……love is nowhere to be found unfortunately.

[@venust.4119]

So agree, I'm choosing to be childfree because i want to explore myself and the world better without distractions.

[@almay8049]

Do you think if you had kids, they would be an impediment to your self-exploration? Just asking out of curiosity😊

[@venust.4119]

@almay8049 I notice that parenthood hits everyone differently, like Covid. Some people have the best time of their lives with kids and explore the world the way they couldn't before. Others get the worst time, the relapse of depression and anxiety. It all depends on underlying conditions. I feel like i would be the second group. I wish for everyone to understand that about themselves before they have children. Because it's the children that will get the worst of a parent's disfunction.

[@gregoryarutyunyan5361]

If I my be allowed, I would like to post 2 notes here: 1) in our society the problem of treating children is actually larger than treatment by the parents themselves. Basically our society treats children like pets or some silly little incapable things, not as live and precious beings, regardless of the fact that it is stated otherwise. 2) in our consumeristic/materialistic society, pretty much all endeavors of human live are turned into an addiction - relationships, work, art, sports, learning/education, religion, thinking, resting, eating, etc etc etc Addiction at large is basically a loss of true "spirituality"(meaning simply connection with actual reality and being), and the caveat is that even the spirituality is turned into addiction.

[@timothyVowens]

Daniel, your videos mean everything to me. Thank you.

[@dmackler58]

You’re welcome!

[@spreadkindness8798]

Thank you for your honesty Daniel. It’s so refreshing, yet this video will hurt many people’s feelings. I would also want to add that I think there is also a small portion of parents who have a child in order to give to that child everything they haven’t had, in order to somehow heal their trauma by proxy? I think that’s selfish too, especially if you impose the risk of life(and illness and inherent pain) on another human being that hasn’t given consent or asked for it. You create a need in order to fulfill it, so that you fulfill all you’ve lacked. It’s not as selfish as distracting yourself and projecting all your trauma by traumatizing that child further, but it STILL is selfish.

[@ShinyaKyo]

It is the same as traumatizing and projecting unto the child. You try to compensate for what you didn't have = projecting. Then you don't raise the child for what it really needs and wants, and not in a balanced healthy way, instead overdoing it with what you lacked. On top of that the parent won't be fulfilled by trying to give it to the child because they didn't give it to themselves. If you want to see it from a spiritual perspective (I'm sure it's possible to see it from a philosophical, psychological, scientific, biological etc. perspective but this is the only one I've really learned it from), you can't give something that you don't have yourself to someone else. So the attempt to do so is inherently futile/flawed.

[@MrRickle]

You’ve taken the words out of my mouth. My parents had no business having kids and I certainly accept that fact in my life and will not bring kids into this terrible world.

[@Vanillababe7]

Wow you should talk more about how parents "use" their kids. Once I was doing shadow work and I was sitting with a trauma. I felt like I have to mirror my mother. Like my purpose for existing here is being with her, mirroring her, making her happy. It really felt to my inner child like this is my purpose. Needless to say I have huge enmeshment trauma and I suffer from it to this day. Im 33, depressed for 8 years, did lots of therapy and I still suffer. The aware people hear you dear Daniel and humanity is waking up. Keep shining light on those issues

[@arjulala]

This is so shocking, nobody is brave enough to express these views so thoroughly, I feel that I was litreally brought up to be a slave to my parents.

[@tamarawest6203]

This is the main reason that I don't feel the need to have children. I have done so much inner work on myself and healed from most of my traumas that I don't need a child to fix and love me, because i've already arrived at this place without the child. If only people bothered to take this approach in life the world would be an exponentially better place to live.

[@ilovegirls69style]

One more thing I think personally that 60% of children in the world were mistakes made by young people and the pattern never ends They will do the same is just logic of common sense Kid’s knows when they were No planned

[@ExpressionsofAwakening]

Wow you are saying everything I believe and have experienced being "energetically feed off of" in my childhood home. This is likely the core of what is wrong with our entire world. Why the planet is in the state it is and why we live with so much greed abuse and suffering....because people won't get honest with themselves about their traumas and just face it once and for all...they would instead stick their heads in the sand by having their addictions especially to having children. If people could just have the courage to actually listen to truth like this, our world could start becoming better and better and even a possible paradise.

[@dmackler58]

😀😀😀

[@SantaFeSuperChief1]

The amount of cope from people trying to justify the unhealthy reasons they want/have children in these comments is insane and a little hilarious lol

[@vlogcity1111]

I think your right for maybe 95% of people having kids. Let me know what you think about my justification and if it is reasonable. (I don’t have kids at the moment) I think the world is filled with a lot of negativity blame shifting and lack of responsibility. Raising your kids in a loving compassionate environment with abundant food and housing and warmth. Would be a huge benefit to the child and the world to create a positive influence on the next generation. As opposed to adopting an already traumatized child or not having kids. A good parent who can provide love,support, kindness and patience to their kids. Who chooses to not have kids; is much more harmful to society as a whole, than a bad parent choosing to have kids and neglect them to create a cycle of abuse. Basically I’m saying if all the genuinely good people stop having kids, all that well be left with is traumatized adults running the show. Which unfortunately I think we have reached that point in parts of the world.

[@vlogcity1111]

To add I’m also not saying people are obligated to procreate because they grew up in society. But to deny we are social creatures who rely on many other people for our survival especially as infants. Would be disingenuous to deter people from procreation. Rather than point them to methods of parenting that would be beneficial to the children and themselves and society as a whole. Thanks for sharing your perspective

[@allthe1]

​@@vlogcity1111 Although I disagree on "good people" not having kids is worse than bad people having them, I see the message and would like to say this. Having children to fix the world or give a good example would be a bad reason to have kids. But at the same time someone who feels confident and has set their life up to have a true relationship with their self, if they happen to want children, should NOT feel bad about or refrain from having them. Idk if you see my point? Small difference, big implications. I think it's hard not to feel responsible for the horrible behaviour of others when we have been geared towards our parents' needs very early on. I know this because I have and still often feel compelled to care for others around me to the point I feel I am obligated to do so, neglecting myself in the process. So if I were to follow your reasoning I should feel bad for not bringing more people like me in the world. Imagine for a moment how this "other me" would feel. Used, forced to conform to my ideals, feeling bad for not caring about the world, feeling secondary to an external purpose. How would I react if I saw this "young me" rebelling and starting damaging the world, having resentment over me, or just not showing appreciation for my devotion?

[@universealchemy]

They should spend that time taking care of their children LOL

[@why55555]

Truth Bomb I doubt many are able to hear. TY. I couldn't agree more with you. Your bravery in speaking up helps me deal with attacks from those who do not want to hear truth anymore.

[@spetruck1]

ooOOooo....you actually said it!!!!! I've been told I'd "never know love" by other women because I never wanted children.... I always felt anyone who would say that had zero concept of self love. Your videos are just getting better and better. I think you're pretty great, Daniel. Thanks for thinking out so much of this for me.... This one made me cheer! 🎉

[@bravenew1934]

I can definitely see why this viewpoint would be highly controversial, as it potentially implicates the vast majority of people, most of whom I’m assuming never thought all that much about WHY they had children beyond “I just want/need to…” like they’re basically admitting that they have no idea. But I never thought about it in terms of addiction before, that definitely makes the sheer prevalence of having kids (outside of a genuine desire to have AND to raise them to be independent people) make a lot more sense. Of course there’s the whole “survival of the species” argument but even that has its limits in a society where many of us actually have a choice what we do in life, or at least more of a choice than we’ve ever had before. Also especially considering that most people evidently don’t care all that much about helping to preserve their existence on the planet they live on, not bothering to even try to be more eco-friendly in their lifestyle - yet they have no qualms about launching countless new lives into this increasingly precarious and inhospitable world they themselves are trying to avoid… what a mess we’re creating.

[@allthe1]

Well, not so much survival of the species as replication of the self. Genes and traits and behaviour and all. That absolutely equates to intergenerational trauma. In a way, not having children ends the darwininian chain at pour parents. But I would argue that healing THEN having a child and building a true relationship with it would definitely be the ultimate break in the chain. As little hope as I have of accomplishing this. Certainly not a valid reason to have kids though 😅

[@gingerisevil02]

I was raised Mormon and I know a couple of women who did seem addicted to having kids.

[@Emefur1]

It’s weird seeing how many adults “boast” about having children. They’ve mostly procreated for wholly selfish reasons, and they’re sometimes awful parents but it gives them status and they act like they’re doing the rest of us a big favour. In the UK there are sometimes financial incentives as well - access to social housing, benefits, not needing to work for several years etc.

[@hoops8534]

The commitment, dedication, cost, all of it, huuuuge, and it’s constant. It’s the ultimate lesson in self awareness. Kids are watching you all the time. I’m so grateful for my family.

[@pennyc7064]

So agree with you Daniel! I'm curious to know what your parents replied when asked ... what was the reason they wanted to have a child? When I asked mine their reply was that once they got married that meant they were ready to have kids. But that reply to me did not answer " why" they wanted kids. And even the reason about having the third child was because my sister wanted another sister. The irony of this is that we siblings don't get along,not well enough according to my standards of how we should get along.

[@imwatching2960]

My father said that the meaning of life is to have children, in the sense of procreating. But he treated his family (my mother and 2 children) in a disrespectful and many times cruel way for decades, just a bit less cruel than as his father treated him and his mother and sibling. So he didn't, or couldn't do the inner work that was necessary to have a healthy family. I'm actually sad when I think about how this affected me (I have no urge or desire to have children) because I feel that when done by 2 "woke" people, parenting can be a beautiful thing. But I have to be honest with myself.

[@MP-uz9xi]

you're brilliant Daniel for getting this truth out there. I completely, 100% agree.

[@ajsledzep]

Keep going Daniel!! You’re going to get 100k!! You deserve it!!

[@Unteragen-rg1so]

And here we are

[@1life744]

Most definitely.

[@Annniiika]

Boom. You are on fire 🔥 these insights are so unconventional, but it's true.

[@dmackler58]

Thanks Sofia!

[@KewtQween]

So true, absolutely amazing. You describe and explain these kind of things so well. Thank you for being so brave to put these kind of videos out here.

[@synterr]

Peter W. Zappfe "The last messiah" (1933) I think, that is an interesting essay in this topic. To be more specific, best thing I've ever read. Just a few pages with solid existential analysis, an essence. It's easy to find in form of free PDF on the Internet.

[@transsexual_computer_faery]

thanks!

[@mushroomkaiyoti111]

I love you and I already love this video. Yes Daniel... YES! ❤️

[@SteveJones379]

My Hero!!! Thank you Daniel.

[@michasosnowski5918]

Truth said.

[@AuroCords]

Spot on Daniel! Very well put.

[@trishtaylor3652]

Daniel, thanks for this very helpful video! My parents were very abuse and as an adult I am left with the results. I am also concerned about climate crisis, and am now relieved that I didn't bring any children into this mess.

[@markreamer5113]

Yep, absolutely!

[@tahiyamarome]

Great insight. The addiction lens explains people who adopt and abuse

[@mixocrian]

Thank you for giving us this video ❤

[@NJGuy1973]

Abolish public schools, welfare, and any other social programs that help parents with children. That'll cure people of the babymaking addiction.

[@dominic6055]

I agree there, people complain of a lack of support for families, I'd say the problem is the exact opposite, there is too much support for families in direct and indirect ways. Governments should put more responsability to people wanting to have kids.

[@eg-cv3bz]

Your videos are helping a lot of people thank you so much I needed these videos you helped me tremendously

[@dmackler58]

Warm greetings!

[@p5rsona]

I seriously suspect the reason why we are so messed up as a society and world at large is because nobody questions ANYTHING, especially not the whole family dynamic and childhood abuse everyone goes through. people just want kids willy nilly, cuz they want that big family like the one they saw in that movie when they were a kid but dont even think for a second at how bad it might turn out for the kids.

[@streaming5332]

My mother had 4 children, according to her because she had nothing else to do. She was never happy with the children she got, even though we were all normal, bright kids. The last one was to fill the space after the others were all at school. Children are her badge of honour. She loved picking up the Child Endowment, a government handout.

[@riccardodiluca6862]

I agree. Thankfully I do not consider myself a messed up person because I was raised in a way that makes me more balanced than most people I know. And although I like children and they usually like me, I do not see myself as a parent any time soon. But I also think that for most women, motherhood desire can too be strong to ignore

[@jane9469]

Wish i had parents as reflective as you. My mom is like a parasite on me

[@NJGuy1973]

If your parents had been as reflective as Daniel Mackler, you wouldn't have parents at all.

[@antinatalistwitch111]

😂😂😂 perfect ​@@NJGuy1973

[@taketheredpill1452]

Another winner. This is just an amazing insight.

[@cmoonie9448]

Great topic and video, thank you!

[@mhsss777]

U said it right Daniel, that parapraxis was actually correct , "I sacrifice my child..." I am a child who was sacrificed, mentally, emotionally and physically. But i have stepped in the healing realm and im trying to be inaccessible , both emotionally and mentally. In fact, I'm doing my best. Thanks for your enlightenment, like always 🌞✨

[@underthemoonutm1482]

so true because on a physilogical point of view, its the same neurological mecanisme that happend in the brain when we have children or when we consume drugs or any other addiction. It s the brain reward systme. when the child is born, the brain is floded with its own feel good chemicals like ocytocine, dopamine, etc.. and everytime the child show signs of affections or we watch the child sleep and finds them cut, the brain release thoses chemicals. So as the brain is addicted to this, it loke stop parents from trowing the kid out the window when they cry too much. Nature know its very costly and energy consuming to raise a child, so it has to put this reward (addiction )systeme.

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Hey, hey Daniel; I think you are great. Thank you, for being in this experience with me. Having a baby, is not romantic. I have a daughter who has been married (high school, love birds) 17 yrs. My daughter said no kids then, and no kids now. ‼️ and they are the two most content, people I know.

[@Eugene32852]

100% true

[@MuffyMuffins]

I think that Daniel's right, that bringing children into the world will likely result in the child's suffering, and this suffering comes because of imperfect parents with imperfect motives in an imperfect world. Basically, par for the course of life. I think then that the fact that the people we bring into the world will suffer should not be, in and of itself, a deterrent to bringing them into the world. The creation of life, in my opinion, is an act of faith in the future of life itself. I believe that my children, my species, will be able to weather whatever comes their way, good or bad. In the end, we cannot predict for sure the path of our descendants, only that we give them the opportunity of a lifetime. 🙏

[@PeterGregoryKelly]

There is a movement called the "Quiver Full" movement, a Christian fundamentalist movement who believe everyone has the God given duty, not right or choice, but compelled duty, to have as many children as humanly possible. Myself I am a celibate monk, atheist celibate monk that is, and childfree. My genes die out when I die out. I find men being shamed for not "manning up", "putting a ring on it" and taking on the responsibilities of fatherhood. It just seems like madness to invest so much and lose so much for what could end in Family Court and child support. I recognised the stupidity of "manning up" for the bovine fertiliser that it was when I was young..

[@ScreenNameLoretta]

The Duggars are a bunch of demented heretics, in my opinion. There have been for many centuries Christians who did not see reproducing as necessary in order to be Christian.

[@nonrumor]

Then prepare yourself to see a lot more of those people in the coming years - as opposed to people like you.

[@PeterGregoryKelly]

@@nonrumor Then there will be a quiver full of infant deaths, judging from I have have read from the scenarios of "Limits to Growth", written in 1972 but still very relevant to today.

[@henrikhans467]

Hey man I like your style. I focus on Transhumanism. I see becoming part machine as the next sincere step forward. Transcending our biology should be a priority if I'm being honest. Break the cycle, rise above nature, focus on Transhumanism!

[@PeterGregoryKelly]

@@henrikhans467 Transhumanism is just a manifestation of "Terror Management Theory". That is to say a fear of death. It follows in the path of Egyptian mummification. Ultimately you will die. Even the universe will die. Much better making peace with reality. As life expectancy has increased so too has the fear of death. This says to me that mortality is not the problem but our reaction to it.

[@marcusrobinson1778]

I have wanted to have kids since childhood. I think many do because they did everything else college, career, wife. For me I guess I want to fix what my parents did. Relive the childhood I didn't get. One of my buddies waited until 50 years old. His kids are 2 and 3 and I love them I would do anything to have that relationship in my life. I coach highschool kids and it doesn't have that dependency or contingent love. I don't think I'm using it to fill a purpose in life. I want to mentor and teach them about rocks and science and life. I plan to homeschool. I don't think education is a delegable task.

[@timothyVowens]

the people i remember most are my little league coaches (men), my cub scout leaders / den mothers (women)....and they were kind, nice, and gave of their time. They made me feel special. They made me feel important. My parents, not so much. Thank you for serving as you do.

[@marcusrobinson1778]

@@timothyVowens yeah I think when we don't feel our own dad's gave us enough time we seek out father figures pretty naturally. It's important to have competent individuals in our life. They saw me welding on the boat trailer before practice and asked tons of questions. It's amazing. Most of them come from private catholic schools where work gets hired out.

[@paperfrost]

You will be an excellent father!

[@imwatching2960]

This is great. So many women is looking for a man with this attitude. Surely you will find a mate. I think my father also wanted to make up for the childhood he never had. But he didn't do the inner work and followed so many of his father's anf mother's toxic patterns.

[@PeterGregoryKelly]

I never understood why any man would want to be so old before having children. Well, why at any age but especially at 50. You will die on them before they are very old. I am in my sixties, never married, celibate and childfree.

[@nickopeters]

Heretical but absolutely true.

[@julyy7788]

As much as I value and appreciate your thoughts on healing and trauma, Daniel, I cannot help but think the phrase "what you resist, persists" when it comes to your recent , multiple videos on a row now on this topic: the detriment of having children. I do agree with you that it can be an addiction. I even saw a mini documentary here in Finland about a family, that has 12 biological children of their own or something and the mother kept having a dream of even more children, even though they were financially struggling already. I kept thinking about your videos, that there is something psychologigally damaged in these kinds of people, because all the parents clearly wanted from the children was love (not giving it to them, they said it out loud that the best thing about children is the unconditional love they give to you). However. It is a different story to criticize others and see how screwed up their motives for having children are. But what I have noticed is that the more I heal, the more I am okay in every scenario: for not having or having children. Thats why the phrase "what you resist, persists" came to mind listening your video just now. What I mean that of course the more you heal, you see screwed up things about yourself and might think that jeez, I'm never having children because I don't want to traumatize them. But after a while when you have been healing yourself for many many many many years and become aware of your trauma, that you don't resist the thought of having children of your own either. I think you don't have much sympathy for the innate drive in us humans for wanting to have children. Sometimes I feel that my body aches for a child and all the love and attention I would give to them. I think it takes a hell of a lot of hope to have children these days, it stretches your thoughts about the future you want to build for them to leave behind. However, I also think there are so many children out there right now who I could support and give my attention, time, energy and love, they don't have to be my own biological children necessarily, many of us have nieces for example or other children that we know who we could support. In fact I think it tells a lot about a person if they can give love to other children who are not their "own", I think it tells how much their love is conditional or unconditional and how fitting they would be as parents if they cannot give love to others who are not the same DNA as them. If we didn't pollute our planet so much and if there weren't so many people already on our planet and if we lived in tribes, it would be the most natural thing to do, to have children. It is in our nature and that desire is so much stronger than just addiction to alcohol or other substances, because I think having children is not inherently bad or toxic. Just the way most people bring children or how they parent them is. I cannot personally think of anything more beautiful than loving another person so enormously that when making love with them results in a beautiful child that we would love together, or in a tribe or with a community with other healers (why couldn't we raise children with our friends, for example?) . It is a human desire so deeply in me that does not go away. In fact, I feel like the natural next step in a healing journey would be to be a healthy parent for a child. What is it that you are so much resisting in having children of your own, Daniel, I don't know, but I would much rather see people like you have children than those who are utterly unaware of their trauma and are completely shut down and dissociated.

[@allthe1]

I was really looking forward to read some reasonable opposing comments and I finally found one. Thanks for opening this topic You touch on something I felt too, that there is a fundamental urge to have children that is purely biological and not related to trauma. Or maybe it is, but this kind of trauma is universal and unavoidable in our development. Maybe it has something to do with being male or female. I don't lean towards either explanation. The point is that not having any reason to have kids is probably the best conditions in which to let oneself have kids. What if, before taking these decisions, you asked yourself : 1. Make sure you are not forcing kids on yourself and having them out of traumatic need 2. Take all the steps needed to set your life up for healing and grieving, then let kids happen when they come. Here's also something I find is a good hint someone's life isn't set well enough for having kids: when they feel they have to sacrifice something to having children. This is a setup for resentment and entiltlment on the parents' part towards their children. I feel that some people might just want kids because that is the life they choose. They never whine about them being expensive, or not having enough me-time, or being exausted and needing emotional and financial assistance. Their children meet their adult needs of having children, not their childhood needs of having parents.

[@j.h.miretskay3430]

Amen.

[@nishasankaran]

I heart u, Daniel!

[@winstonjen5360]

When people understand that parenting is a full-time, unpaid job (instead of a hobby), birth rates will likely decline.

[@chrysiarose]

Other women do not trust me and will not be friends with me because I don't have children. I am ostracized.

[@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain]

Such women do not deserve you as a friend

[@antifaz7172]

Thank you so much for this, it's so true

[@Mo-pm2oi]

💯 agree

[@jeannepeters8181]

Right..Everything can be a potential "addiction,"( meaning as a form of abuse to one- self and/ or others.) ( Or to the environment, pets/ animals, wild animals ,) by selfish greedy species of some humans)

[@ejk3318]

I don't understand why not more people come to this conclusion. It's so obvious: Overpopulation is the cause of most problems in the world!

[@音姫soundprincess]

daniel i love your content and i hope you read this even if i believe its not very likely... in any case i hope some people read this. as much as i agree about the commonality of people having children for the wrong reasons, we are not dealing with overpopulation, we are poorly distributed on land and the way we deal with natural resources is mostly fucked up. it's an issue of mismanagement. not overpopulation.

[@sojournerkarunatruth4406]

This channel is about the physical/emotional/psychological trauma inherent in every, single, "family" there's ever been; it's about child rights, and how there's never been a single child raised with a secure attachment, overpopulation is fine, as we're on our way to colonize Mars.

[@paperfrost]

The overpopulation myth was created by malthusian eugenicist oligarchs to justify their greed and paranoia and racism and abuse of the lower classes.

[@explosives101]

What happens when you run out of nature to pave over?

[@popqueen24x7]

I am curious to understand what the above comments mean ^

[@philipidoux6607]

Love children, never wanted one. No regrets. I'd really like to know: Daniel, wasn't there massive negative reactions to this video? Did you delete them? I took the risk of saying similar things, and friends became rude. Some stopped talking to me. No negative comments to this video? Really?

[@dmackler58]

It's kind of a relief that there aren't so many negative comments on this video. I think it's because it hasn't been watched so much. This video I made on a similar subject has a lot more negative comments: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bKXQXq2Hm7SNp6s Talking about this stuff is poking what I consider to be the biggest sacred cow...

[@not2tees]

I would be someone in complete agreement with Daniel, and I have chosen to have no children, grandchildren, and on and on. But I see that some people are so committed to having children. It's very deep for them, beyond choice whatsoever. I watch the Art and Bri channel, where twins have recently arrived, premature by three months but surviving. They have already five children. I wish them well, but no, it would have been as impossible for me to have kids as it was impossible for them to not have kids.

[@wendyd3438]

Our world is invested in not changing big items like overpopulation and pays ppl to have kids. And im a product of child abuse. Yes my parents got a handy scapegoat to destroy. They and my sis r all fine. I am non useful to society since there is no mental health care that i could get. Now im old and i will die poor and thrown away, since i didnt have any kids. Good for me. I Hate ppl who r all about my kids this that and fakebook. I got treated all my adult life like i didnt exist for not having kids. Glad i will b dying soon

[@briant5135]

May you please give a lecture on how an only child son raised by a narcissistic single mother, can grow in healthy masculine ways? Thank you.

[@threethrushes]

Children are often, unwittingly, used as vehicles of social validation by their parents. It's so cute when I see people cosplaying as adults. Who knows what the 'right' reasons for having a child are? Any takers?

[@threethrushes]

@@darcyroyce Perhaps, although my personal hypothesis is that the goal of animals is to orgasm, with progeny being a happy consequence of this drive. Of course, there are other reasons to have children, some of which you've stated.

[@imwatching2960]

@@darcyroyce I think this is also very valid. The emphasis is on doing it well. I always felt that I would have children if I had the right partner. And Daniel should make a video on all the right reasons too.

[@PeterGregoryKelly]

Traditionally there were no reasons. People married, or cohabited, and children happened, unless they joined a religious order. I would like to know how many monks and nuns of orders were there because they could not bare the thought of marriage and child rearing. It is known that many gays joined religious orders in the hope of hiding from themselves. Or some people may have been so far down the social order and out of the marriage market such as hermits or vagabonds. Mostly people acted, and still act, on instinct. We come up with all sorts of narratives for having children but really it is the deep state of the mind, or the older areas of the brain, with the cerebral cortex spin doctoring "good" reasons" for satisfying deep irrational desires, like a PR firm.

[@BlynkyLand]

Part of the reason I decided not to have kids is because I still don't understand why my family was so screwed up. I think my parents had "good intentions" initially, but boy they whiffed it at the half-way point.

[@nonrumor]

you have a Minecraft profile picture

[@BlynkyLand]

@@nonrumor I ran an adults-only MC server a few years back too. 😛

[@Sunshine74444]

Makes me feel so much better about not having children. Thank you. ✌🏽💚🙏

[@jennygao826]

Maybe one day society will be conscious enough to actually accept people's choices.. to have kids or not to have kids, and those in-between/around. I honestly think to do one or the other conscoiusly is the way to go.. but this constant pressure to 'be normal' by having children is really toxic and limits the manifestation of our beauty and love in the world the way we see fit. Maybe LGBTQ++ can get on this one too lol..

[@sundrive2575]

I think it's ok to have a child or two but before that you have to try your best to become enough self aware and heal most of your traumas. And eventually look for alternative ways to take care of your child in our kind of mess-up society. Thanks.

[@yakorolevka3806]

Interesting, I have never felt what you have described. I can’t wait for my 6 y.o. son to become even more independent. Idk why but having a child never gave me a purpose. But now, after the video, well, I feel that’s not so bad :)

[@juliadplume3097]

I have no children and have never felt pressured to have children, I think I would have been a decent mother if I became one…I can’t say I never wanted to have child but it’s trying enough just to maintain a balanced life for myself and I never wanted to get stuck in the cycle of difficult parental partnerships or the whole complicated child rearing culture industrial complex. In this day and age I am mostly relieved I don’t have children and only a little bit sad that I did not. It seems like a tremendous struggle to raise kids due to all the trappings and I would have really resented my own children to be turned against me.

[@hughtrevor-flopper3214]

Agreed generally, but just to make my comment substantial, : At 07:30 you say "You could say pretty much everybody is screwed up, but a lot of people have really extreme problems.. And, the reason they’re screwed up because of the way in which they were raised. Their basic relationship with their parents is what screwed them up." - That strikes me as doubtful on these counts: 1. One could be quite thriving even with screwed up parents, if only the society at large would allow them to leave their parents and try their luck elsewhere. 2. Many developmental psychologists say that the relationships that most matter to children are those with their peers. It may be wrong, but that's less than clear, less than obvious for many of us. 3. You want to express radical truths that are difficult to digest. Other people also have their own truths that would be difficult for you to digest at first. If you're ready for one, here it is: There are good reasons to believe we are spiritual beings primarily, and as a corollary, that we have had consciousness before our biological conception, and that consciousness has likely been seriously imperfect itself. Hope you'll like / appreciate this post :)

[@newaira333]

"I didn't pass my trauma onto my child, it was already there from his imperfect pre-natal consciousness!" Good grief..

[@hughtrevor-flopper3214]

@@newaira333 Being appalled at that , which looks to be a stupendously empty-headed notion full of unsupported assumptions - and devastating implications - is a response shared by me. No difference between us in that respect. But, 1) Only until the past two months, in which my reading shows there is a wealth of evidence to make the the argument for consciousness before birth tenable and respectable. 2) Support giving freedom for children, not just in form of a timid suggestion dropped in casual conversations, but as outlined in John Holt's Escape from Childhood, which is an actual serious program, and which would eliminate the negative implications from (1).

[@cbuckets773]

Insanely accurate

[@femininejewel]

If humans only receive children if they are conscious enough and healed enough? No one would ever fly a plane or no more shops or food or anything on this planet. Only 5 children would be born a year. What now? The vast majority would be shut off in one generation. ANd THEN what? We would all die out in one generation. But I agree that we should strive to heal and mature.

[@19katsandcounting]

But once upon a time before the industrial revolution most kids didn’t survive. One day it will be that way again.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Its a personal choice.

[@bristlecone77]

I don't completely agree with him even though I don't have, or want, kids. I think it's an addiction for some people. It's a cult for others--for instance, the cult-like behavior of trying to convert women into motherhood, including to an extreme of sabotaging birth control (this happened to an ex-coworker of mine). It's a strong hormonal drive for many. And for some, it's a check box or a desire to conform. In short, there are many reasons to have children. There are many reasons not to. And it's oversimplifying the situation to call all, or even most, of it an addiction.

[@libertysprings2244]

It can be viewed as selfish either eay, whether you do or don't have children. For example not having children yet still partaking in th societal benefits of all the other people who raised the next generation of dentists, doctors, teachers etc. I think may be best to stop overanalyzing it and just do whichever you prefer so long as you are aware having a child is a 24/7 committment and you can't keep partying ir traveling or smoking ir drinking etc for at least 18 years.

[@serenajara1229]

im definitely in agreement with you like 90 percent of the way. I've watched a lot of your vids and read some essays and I think some of your views towards people with large families and preoccupation with overpopulation can veer towards eugenicist or mildly fascist undertones to me. it's reminding me of chris corda and the church of euthanasia but I still agree people procreate for dubious reasons, i kind of just wonder if you have any friends who are from different identity groups from the vibe of your videos, because I think that line of thinking borders on misanthropic and is usually rooted in white supremacy, I'm only saying this because it's something I had to examine in myself. good luck on your spiritual journey 🖤

[@veruc_w]

...looking for the right reasons why should I have children.

[@idcb6718]

Parents compete with each other about their kids success

[@sevendaughs7d]

There are facets to "having children" that you may not be aware. Your idea about addiction us an interesting one, and taken together with your several talks about your highly traumatic relationship with your parents, I think those deep traumas may be shrouding some of the meaning of life from you. There are so many people(children) who are working to understand their own relationship to the world and their community, and the practice of allowing oneself to become the opportunity for a person to step into our world can be a deep multifaceted yoga, a focus adjustment, a deep-dive and tune-up, towards becoming a better world. The child is an individual person coming in to discover their participation in the ever changing whole. The mechanical world view may miss this side of the house.

[@sinforoso1974]

we do not need more people in the world

[@malinkywoos]

As far as I can see, the point is not whether to have kids or not, but to be aware of what we are doing and the unreflective, unexamined push to do so. I have two children to two mothers and frankly it is exactly that.

[@colincrisp1592]

Would they have children if they had to look after them for all there life. And there childrens children

[@nerinabejar2714]

2:32 --> "sacrifice my child" I heard (?

[@Galbex21]

This is a different point of view. But I dont think is correct.

[@thebeigesheep6132]

Ironically, if daniel found a nice woman and had a few babies they would probably turn out really well.

[@island661]

Not everyone wants children.

[@mushroomkaiyoti111]

He was wise and chose not to procreate. Even if you have kids they are not yours truly - they have their own minds. He probably would be a great parent but still it could never determine a life goes well because life is full of immense suffering regardless.

[@thebeigesheep6132]

@@island661 I posted a reply to u but it didn't post for some reason. Anyways I wasn't saying that he wants kids, I was jus saying ironically the people who are most thoughtful about NOT having kids are usually better emotionally equipped to raise kids than the ppl who have them without any thought.

[@mushroomkaiyoti111]

@@thebeigesheep6132 truuuue and so tragic 😫

[@sojournerkarunatruth4406]

It's never been a good idea to have children though 🤡 no matter **how** **many** **times** the World 🌍 has replaced problems **with** **new** problems [like dumping glitter on a turd 💩) it always has been a malicious place for a hyper-vulnerable child to be...

[@yurysvishchev30]

I'm sorry that I exist