I Am the Very Model of a Biblical Philologist

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A biblical- and ancient-Near-Eastern-studies-themed parody of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" from The Pirates of Penzance. Lyrics, musical arrangement, and vocals by Joshua Tyra, ⓒ 2011. Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan, original lyrics by William S. Gilbert.
Orchestral and piano samples used in this recording are from Garritan Instruments for Finale 2009.

[@mikepalmer1676]

I'm a Catholic priest, and I showed this to a rabbi friend of mine while we were waiting at a restaurant. We both roared with laughter until our sides hurt, which earned us a lot of confused looks. This is hilarious!!

[@GaryHurd]

I only wished they had added the Ugaritic contribution to Psalm 89. Dahood, Mitchell 1965 Psalms I, 1-50: Introduction, Translation and Notes New York: Anchor Bible- Doubleday __________ 1968 Psalms II, 51-100: Introduction, Translation and Notes New York: Anchor Bible- Doubleday ___________ 1970 Psalms III, 101-150: Introduction, Translation and Notes New York: Anchor Bible- Doubleday (1995 paperback printing) Dalley, Stephanie 2000 Myths from Mesopotamia: Creation, The Flood, Gilgamesh, and Others. Revised Oxford: Oxford University Press Dever, William 2005 “Did God Have A Wife? Archaeology And Folk Religion In Ancient Israel Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company Friedman, Richard Elliott 1987 Who Wrote the Bible? New York:Harper and Row Jewish Publication Society 2004 “The Jewish Study Bible: TANAKA translation” Oxford University Press. Pardee, Dennis 2002 Writings from the Ancient World Vol. 10: Ritual and Cult at Ugarit Atlanta: Society of Biblical Literature Pope, Marvin H. 1965 “Job: A new translation with Introduction and Commentary” Anchor Bible Vol. 15, New York: ABRL/Doubleday Speiser, E. A. 1962 "Genesis: Introduction, Translation and Notes" New York: Anchor Bible- Doubleday Smith, Mark S. 2002 “The Early History of God 2nd ed.” Grand Rapids: Wm B Eerdmans Publishing ___________ 2003 “The Origins of Biblical Monotheism: Israel's Polytheistic Background and the Ugaritic Texts” Oxford University Press.

[@Michael-A]

Hey Mr. so called "Scholar" can you understand the meaning of THAT? Or are you a perverted Scholar too?

[@Anastas1786]

Ah, yes, I think I might've been there. I tried to complain to the manager, but he just responded rather curtly with "Is this some kind of _joke?"._

[@Mark-xh8md]

Please tell me you also went to a bar afterwards? :P

[@TheGreekPianist]

I agree Father! ❤️

[@YoshiFawful64]

I understand practically none of the lyrics or references, but I can still tell this a _fantastic_ parody.

[@daniellauricella5132]

I was thinking much the same thing.

[@MsPurplification]

Exactly!

[@ariebrons7976]

Well... he is the verry model of a bible overanaliser. he knows the Middle eastern languages and also a bit of ancient Turkish. he writes essays without making spelling mistakes. he lists Middle Eastern words based on how they 'mutate' (Look up Arabic Cojegation for more info) he read a lot of biblical philosophy. he promotes the correct interpretations, and cancels anyone who got the wrong idea reading the bible. he write books which are contrivercial amongst left leaning bible students. and disses anything that outlaw Finkelstine wrote. after he's done with that he writes about how the fourth book of Moses makes sence. and explain everey squigly thingy in the meta commentary (?) in short in things related to words he is the verry model of a bible overanaliser he read the stuff some dude called jerome wrote. he also knows by heart all the names of god. (From context it seems) the he can tell you how old every main character in the book of Megadrive is. and tell an OU sound from an emphasis and an 'uh'. he dreams in one Middle Eastern language and finds it's meaning in another. he invented the fan theory that one of the biblical villains had a liver condition. and immediatly knows the difference between a crime, he prayed and he profaned. Profaned, Profaned he says that's a hard one isn't it. and is an ace in the debate club then he can tell when an inscription in Giberish was written. and tell you how the writer dressed based on a medieval illustration.(?) plainly sayed he knows a lot of word stuff for a bible nut. them he can write a shopping list in a really really old Middle Eastern language. (the oldest written, in fact) and tell you where people farmed, or hunted. he also knows when Jews party and when they fast. he can whisper in yet another Middle eastern language, more than that hum a melody in another then he can sing the ABC's of another Middle Eastern tribe's aplhabet. and sepparate the animals in groups of pre-flood and post flood. (read Noah's ark for more) afterwards distinguish between three pieces of Priestly garnment. shawl, shawl, he supposes you cannot bypass it. and do a remake of some Assyrian king's library. his PHD thesis was a poem written in ~you guessed it~ a Middle Eastern language. and sayed that the Philistines where an American group (because they dressed like Utah Indians). shortly: he good with bible 'n words he is the verry model of a bible nut. (No idea what Presto Aggitato means) Refrain: then he can write a shopping list in an ancient dead langage. and tell you where the people hunted or farmed. he knows when Jews party and when they fast. he can sing in not one, but two Middle eastern languages. he knows the ABC's of some ancient alphabet. and categorise the animals into the pre flood and post flood. he knows what Priests wear. and remake some king's library. he wrote his Phd thesis like an ancient poem. and proved that the Philistines where probably Native Americans. in short in word stuff, he is a great bible nut. And finally he dissed the founder of Messianic Judaism.

[@mirnim]

​​Thank you! 'Presto Agitato' means Very fast and agitated (Tempo).

[@ariebrons7976]

@@mirnim thanks

[@josepherhardt164]

It is a serious sin that there is no Grammy for a masterpiece like this.

[@rosealt2338]

"And proved the Philistines were almost certainly Canadian" "How do you like THAT Finkelstein?!" This is really fantastic.

[@Pandacalifornia]

I heard that line in the video as soon as I read this comment

[@Achill101]

The Philistines were my favorite line, too.

[@devotions9192]

I certainly can't fault him on that... EH?

[@danielmartin8913]

26 People couldn't reconstruct the library of ancient Assurbanipal.

[@Michael-A]

who cares? only hyper-pseudo-intellectuals who have no life!

[@Kryso_0]

up to 47 now :)

[@josepherhardt164]

@@Kryso_0 54, almost a year later. :)

[@luckyblockyoshi]

9 months later, and we don’t know anymore!

[@reconnaisance]

@@luckyblockyoshi 😆

[@ak5659]

I can't decide whether to be happy that I understood so many of the references or depressed because it made me realize how little I actually do know abôt these subjects. Excedingly impressive diction, btw.

[@marianabeatriz5351]

First video ever in which I had a great time reading the comments. Oh, and now I want to write my shopping lists in classical Sumerian...

[@joshtyra]

I know, right? Such great comments.

[@ilprofessore10012]

FYI These lyrics were written by a man who was once an adjunct professor of French, but gave it all up to do his PhD in Old Testament and Ancient Near Eastern History, Archaeology, and Languages at the Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, IL. Let us hope he will not abandon Show Biz for Aca [demic] Biz.

[@joshtyra]

Never! Show biz is in my blood. :)

[@mwm1724]

so basically when this guy says the philistines are Canadian, we should believe him?

[@bobfarnaby7676]

@@mwm1724 Not sure I'd go that way, but some Canadians I know are Philistines ...

[@johnwcowan]

@@bobfarnaby7676 Though Canadians may jostle, you will rank as an apostle in the high old Limey band, As you walk down Piccadilly with a Tudor rose or lily in your very English hand!

[@dovbarleib3256]

@@mwm1724 Well they most definitely were not Semites either, no matter what new lies are being said about them since 1964. They were a Minoan or Cretian Sea People who worshiped a Merman fish god who likely brought about the Collapse of Civilization at the end of the Bronze Age.

[@dorianphilotheates3769]

As a Bronze Age Aegean archaeologist who has previously collaborated with Professor Finkelstein, I can verify that the Philistines were indeed almost certainly Canadian, eh? 🇨🇦 Brilliantly hilarious - ΕΥΓΕ!

[@daveleau]

I'd love to hear the argument that the Philistines are Canadian. :) Hilarious video! Thanks!

[@misscanadarain]

Me too

[@jfcc9086com]

I wrote: Bonus! Im proven to be a proven Catholic Philistine! Thank you.

[@lukewedell7000]

I was going to comment on this as well. Dude! Canadian Philistine! That messed up! Canadians totally understand turn the other cheek... Unless you go to Quabeck.

[@johnbutler7321]

This has given me more nerd laughs than just about anything else on KZbin! The wit and genius of it!

[@joshtyra]

Thank you! That's very kind.

[@johnbutler7321]

You actually inspired me to do one myself--about being a super-nerdy math teacher.

[@jayroches4641]

2:22 "and tell you who in Second Kings was said to be a cannibal."

[@rogerbodey9475]

" and perceive the synonymity of "Yohanan" and "Hannibal".

[@ProfessorSyndicateFranklai]

"And date the carthage elephants, by their colloguy skeletons."

[@AS-pl2mn]

Israel Finkelstein viewed this video from 26 separate devices. Maybe he's into tetragrammaton numerology. BTW this really shouldn't be on KZbin. I say that because the comments are either lucid, witty, intelligent or good natured. It's freaking me out. (and I agree השתחוה is just the standard sibilant metathesis of hithpa'el when pe hap-po'al is ש, ס, צ, ז, because there appear to be related roots with שח)

[@ninjaaron]

+Alex Schindler No Way! Totes a hishtaph'el, just like the Ugaritic cognate (indeed, if it is not a loanword from Ugaritic or a closely related WS dialect). This is totally normal behaviour for the Št stems in Ugaritic and Aramaic. Ain't no hitpa'el!

[@Infinitysquaredorsomething]

Hmm, maybe my dad knows what you're talking about. Though I can agree the comments are uncharacteristically pleasant on this video.

[@ahrycaj]

I agree, perhaps this is all Greek to the Philistines :-)

[@DrAGGill]

@@ahrycaj Canadians speak English and French, not Greek!

[@mosheh8039]

@@ninjaaron So then do you contend that forms like שחה (see Isaiah 51:23 שחי) are a back-formation? Otherwise, why not go with the simplest explanation, that it's hithpa'el?

[@francisgay]

I'm gob-smacked. This is quite possibly better than the major model melody that it spoofs. Μπράβο!

[@LisaLiel]

Why doesn't this damned thing let you like something multiple times?

[@charlotteyonge806]

I can only add my awe. The first appearance of Finkelstein was a literal laugh out loud.

[@aliciadole9713]

Hi, Josh, My father, who is a professor of Bible language and theology and whose dissertation on partnership loans in the Old Babylonian Period was accepted with distinction at Harvard, just loved this. Thanks for giving him so much enjoyment!

[@derekbgreer]

I'm blown away by the knowledge and talent it took to put this together. Well done!

[@Achill101]

Thanks for the smiles, and @2:36 I had to laugh out loud when hearing: "proved the Philistines were almost certainly Canadian". I hadn't thought about THAT. Well done.

[@pastormbowman]

Haven't seen this for years but I couldn't stop singing it this morning so had to look it up again. Well done.

[@andrewharmon7929]

All that I can do, wiping tears from my cheeks and trying to catch my breath, is to say thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@funhistory]

Clever & entertaining! Now anxiously awaiting a sequel that delves into Canadian origins of the Philistines...

[@Michael-A]

Actually the Dagon worshiping Priests ARE the origin of the Roman Catholic Priesthood. Check out their robes and garb. And it wasn't really hemorrhoids that God afflicted them with either, but the sore ass from PEDOPHILIA,

[@anthonyreynolds1995]

@@Michael-A spot the protestant

[@rstelzer2928]

@@anthonyreynolds1995 not me, heh heh heh, I have nothing to do with any of you Babylonians, especially the LARGEST Pedophilia organization in the entire world for all of time: the Roman Catholic Church! aka the mother of all WHORES.

[@anthonyreynolds1995]

@@rstelzer2928 strange considering Holy Mother Church spread the Faith in the 2nd century, The curiae forced the retirement and imprisonment of any bishop proved of Pedophilia, the whore of Babylon idea has never been accepted even by Protesants- except those deemed lunatics even by their own. Meanwhile Holy Mother Church was and still is to this day one of the largest Charities, runner of hospitals and orphanages, and educators in the world. Ignorant Protestants like you give the whole of Holy Mother Church a bad name. And FYI there is not actually a thing called the "Roman Catholic Church".

[@jillhudson6430]

As a reader of Greek and budding student of Hbrew, I absolutely loved it! Don't think I'll ever get round to Hurrian or Akkadian though...

[@leonardobuscemi3752]

This is the best rewrite of anything that I've ever heard. This is definitely on the short list of song for me to memorize. Thank you for cheering up a dreary, sick-day in January!

[@joshtyra]

I am also having a dreary sick day, and your comment has cheered me up to no end! Thank you.

[@oberonpanopticon]

theology is like a DLC for language

[@stephenacciani6785]

I'm glad you're on our side.

[@astraeatheapus3647]

I understand literally none of this but it's beautiful and I'm sure its hilarious for people who actually understand this. I don't know why it was in my recommended but I enjoyed listening.

[@dccarletonjr]

Brilliant! Tom Lehrer you've got some competition going on!

[@joshtyra]

Thank you for those kind words. Tom is unsurpassed, but I feel honored to be mentioned in the same breath as him.

[@aslemke7341]

I understood most of the jokes and I'm very happy about it.

[@PrinceTrillian]

My former Hebrew professor sent me here and I processed to fall out of my chair with laughter.

[@youcanlearnalotfromlydia]

This is brilliant, thank you very much indeed, Dr. (I assume?) Tyra! We've got historians, classicists, archeologists and linguists (including me, Arabic) in our society, will share with everyone, think we should seriously consider putting this in one of our future concerts. From a member of the Oxford University Gilbert and Sullivan Society.

[@joshtyra]

Thank you kindly! I'm working on the Dr. part, but I'm not there yet. I would consider it an honor for this to be included in a concert in the land of G&S, and I would love to do what I can to support that effort. Please feel free to message me on Facebook, and please send my warmest greetings to the OUGSS!

[@youcanlearnalotfromlydia]

I will do on both counts, thank you very much again! On a year abroad in Jordan until summer but when I'm back (can't have them do it without me, this song is just too much fun!) we'll see if we can include it in a concert. We have a bi-annual G&S marathon, where we perform the canon back to back for charity, the odd concert, a couple a year, and three productions a year (one a term), bound to be an opportunity to fit it and sure this could become a popular, regular request! Did you adapt the score to the new words? If so would love to have the score!

[@joshtyra]

+Lydia Ellis Hi, Lydia, how are you? It has taken me quite a while, but I have finally released the sheet music. You can download it here: www.sheetmusicplus.com/title/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-biblical-philologist-digital-sheet-music/20207281 Let me know if you wind up using it! I would love to know how it turns out. Best wishes, Josh :)

[@youcanlearnalotfromlydia]

Many thanks Josh! We're doing a show but not a concert this term but there's a production of some sort every term, concert or show, so hope we can use it next concert! Will let you know how it goes :)

[@annjones5830]

Phenomenal! Being a lover of Gilbert&Sullivan, apologetics and crazy things, this is just what I needed!! Now, to find out what the stuff I don't know means!!

[@bluepalmer6908]

I'm angry at how good this is

[@GaryHurd]

I listen to this over and over. Thank you!

[@TylerDawnRosenquist]

Bravo! Encore, encore! I never thought to see Hurrian and Akkadian in a song! Figures about those darned Canadians... explains a lot ;)

[@itsai2138]

I dont know how i got here, Nor do i know what your singing about but it sounds nice and thats good enough for me

[@raymond4218]

I’m going to send this to the theology department at my university, I think they’ll get a kick out of it xD

[@GaryHurd]

I have shared this with dozens of people. They thanked me, but they should thank Joshua Tyra.

[@Lichcrafter]

The rhyming here is simply marvelous.

[@adamforrest9122]

Brilliant rhymes, great meter, great images, and perfectly suited to the intent of the original. Thanks for sharing your wit and your art. It provides a broad grin in a field in much need of more grinning. Huzzah!

[@kchorn1]

This is one of my favorite songs ever; thank you very much for posting it.

[@Mehefinheulog1]

just the sort of quirky masterpiece you might expect to find posted at the bottom of an obscure Wikipedia article by some obsessive editor from Boston..... lol

[@fdpgeorgia]

"obsessive editor from Boston" is there any other sort of Bostonian editor?

[@tylerrexjackson366]

I found this video at the bottom of a Wikipedia page hahaha

[@GaryHurd]

What a great job! Thank you again Josh.

[@msm1876]

This is nothing short of incredible! Bravo!

[@jiioannidis7215]

Next: Torquemada singing "I have a little list of religion's heretics who never shall be missed"? :)

[@GaryHurd]

I have shared this dozens of times. Just brilliant.

[@joshtyra]

Thank you, that's very kind.

[@ronniebutlerjr]

This is brilliant. (and that's from someone that got a modern major general parody on here as well). Just. Brilliant.

[@paulinewarjri705]

This is absolutely brilliant!

[@craigsurette3438]

You are a bizarre, beautiful genius!!

[@joshtyra]

I'll take it! 🤣

[@lilykahn7330]

I love it! My very favourites are the parts about the hapax legomena, the dagesh forte vs lene, and the hishtaphel!

[@russellnoland3355]

Brilliantly done

[@rharder1]

Clever and fun, but the picture is not of a Biblical Philologist! It is James Murray the editor of the OED in his Oxford Scriptorium. Although he could, like most of his generation, read Greek, Aramaic (including Syriac), and Hebrew he is NOT usually considered a "Biblical philologist" by nature or training. For a great read about him read "The Professor and the Madman" by Winchester. The true story of Murray's correspondence with William Chester Minor, a civil war general who had gone mad and was serving a life sentence for murder at the Broadmore asylum for the criminally insane when he made huge contributions to the OED. Some might argue that those who ARE "Biblical philologists" are by definition insane! I remember having exams in several languages (four I think) and over 3 millennia of History one finals week at UCLA. When I ask Giorgio Buccellati (who was at the time both my history and Akkadian teacher) if I could have an extra week to study my Akkadian sign lists, he said no. I protested that I was taking four language classes as well as history that quarter and would he please give me an extra week. He said no. I begged him, "Is there ANYTHING I can do?" He replied, without missing a step as we walked from Akkadian to History which was in a different building, "Yes." "What?" I gasp. "Study!" He said without any expression. I got an A --and more importantly, lived through the week! Now that's crazy!

[@karahim62]

Hi Raymond...I assume he was a brilliant teacher??? I had the same experience with a somewhat similar setup... Coptic studies...Egyptology...Arabic...Old Syrian. We used to call it the "Faculty of Old and Extraterrestrian Languages"! In Retrospect, something to be proud of. :-)))

[@Arayil1]

Giorgio was my advisor. He must have loosened up a bit in time.

[@notreallydavid]

Hi. Great post - but Minor was an army surgeon, not a general, and it's 'Broadmoor' not 'Broadmore' (I'm British, so I have an advantage here). Winchester's book is published as 'The Surgeon of Crowthorne' in the UK, if anybody on Airstrip One feels like chasing a copy. Regards to all.

[@rharder1]

Thanks for the corrections! I appreciate you pointing out my mistakes, it's been decades since I read the book and my library is gone so I no longer have the book, but as I recall, you are right on. Thank you. I hate passing on incorrect info! Sometimes this being human stuff sucks! LOL! Cheers.

[@johnwcowan]

I'm not a fan of Winchester at all; he makes all sorts of errors. For someone more reliable, try _Caught in the Web of Words_ by K.M. Elizabeth Murray (JAHM's granddaughter).

[@margaretmarykingfisher]

Gorgeous- already planning to whom to forward this!

[@MaggieAnton]

Love it. Especially the mumbling over a Babylonian incantation bowl.

[@rabbidpc]

You did get a wonderful novel from those bowls.

[@danielfisher6138]

Absolutely BRILLIANT!!

[@gregruelas7830]

Saw the thumbnail and had to listen. Did not disappoint at all.

[@N6DNPaul]

Very humorous and extremely well performed. Excellent!

[@gregtenni1508]

Absolutely brilliant!!

[@lauragordon6349]

Absolutely delightful!

[@ChrisRidgeway1]

And for a funny follow, up, check out KZbin's automatic transcript, which struggled just a little bit with this one. (starting with "entomologist")

[@margaretjcox]

Really great - wonderful use of Gilbert and Sullivan's Model of a Modern Major General

[@elinorbenjamin]

Absolutely brilliant. Loved it. Always loved G & S too.

[@michaelcaplan3703]

Brillliant and utterly delightful! Thank you, Josh!

[@michaelcaplan3703]

Actually I'm not Michael Caplan and have NO idea why KZbin thinks I am! I'm Marcia Tanner.

[@PaulDeCamp]

Surely that it was quite nice I had to listen once or twice to get the meaning of the metrical and be sure it's not heretical.

[@sheilas1283]

This is brilliant! Well done!

[@MarkKoltkoRivera]

This is nothing short of brilliant.

[@CarolineJoyAmico]

Ohhhhh my GOODNESS. This is absolutely GENIUS. Thank you for making my night.

[@joshtyra]

You're welcome! Thank you for your kind message. That's lovely of you.

[@coffeesloth5385]

AMAZING. If I were wearing a hat right now, I would take it off to you. That was brilliant.

[@SusanHazanPhd]

Well done Josh! Brilliant!!!!

[@CG0V]

Wonderful

[@cruzwindt7776]

This is hilarious, beautiful and brilliant all at the same time !

[@RaymondCore]

One would HAVE to be the Very Model of a Biblical Philologist to even know of these terms much less use them in an intelligent way. Brilliant!

[@apodet1]

Simply marvellous! What tropes! All kudos to "West Wessex U" and their cantillation department! And to Joshua Tyra, you handsome and talented devil!

[@philipnikolayev987]

Utterly hilarious and lovely, thank you!

[@sheilawest2208]

Well done, Josh Tyra!!! Well done, I say!!

[@shikatsu]

*cries in seminarian*

[@calebchow5225]

Look out, Dr. Finkelstein...I think he's onto you ;)

[@rochelsylvetsky7284]

Brilliant and really funny. We spent many long hours parsing polals etc. let alone checking daghesh fortes in Biblical hermeneutics and Hebrew grammar classes at school, but never saw the humor in it till now! And I love G&S.

[@roldo23]

IM-pressive! I'm amazed that you could find so many appropriate rhymes.

[@turtleandbear1179]

this is amazing!!

[@Rachack]

I don't usually post on KZbin videos, but this is GOLD!

[@unclenogbad1509]

Brilliant! I barely know any of the references, but love G&S, and am now laughing heartily. Jolly well done, thanks.

[@joshtyra]

Thank you so much for your comment, that's so kind!

[@unclenogbad1509]

@@joshtyra Welcome.

[@SweetCaptain77]

Well, that's /one/ way to do a parody. Marvelously well done!!

[@ginawiggles918]

Brilliant, just brilliant.

[@HannahScaer]

LOVING THIS

[@justinforsberg2139]

VERY impressive! God Bless.

[@billstanek6347]

Absolutely made my day!

[@chrismodlin6262]

Incredible

[@gustavorubenbessolo2569]

I loved!

[@munirwilliam1232]

! This is Fascinating ❤️❤️❤️I love it 👏♥️👏Chapeau , my tutor

[@leahk.w.3359]

Absolutely brilliant and enjoyable.

[@poenasdare]

I love this so much!!

[@ghostguy1]

Bravo!, funny, witty, silly , smarty love this

[@Mehefinheulog1]

Best version I have seen. Also very well harmonized. All Hebrew spelling mistakes forgiven!!

[@bibchr]

That's wonderful!

[@jaimemyers2947]

I don't know you, Josh Tyra, but I know you are amazing based on this. Thank you for the 3:44 smile. :)

[@GodHasBeenGracious]

That was so fun, thank you!

[@katherinec2759]

I didn't know I needed this as my career until I saw this! :) (I'm also getting weird looks from my roommates from how much I'm laughing at this.)

[@MaxwellStreetKlezmerBand]

Bravo, Reb Tyra!

[@robbourassaguitarist]

Well done.