I Am What I Hate? (Narcissism) // Q&A

[@rosiemckinney1061]

Aaron this clarifies so much helps me release deep subconscious defense mechanisms I developed from narcissistic parents. What's sad about narcissism is that the narcissist is so entrenched in his defense mechanism that he even defends against those offering him help. I saw the behavior as wounded and crying out for help but all help on a deeper level was rejected.

[@NintCondition]

This is true. There is emmence healing in non judgement and complete love and acceptance. My daughter had schizophrenia for over 4 years and she suffered in silence. I found out earlier this year and I sat down with her and told her that I love her for who she is and I even love her schizophrenia. I told her she needed to show the voices in her head compassion and love even when they try to scare her or say evil things to her. She did this and the voices went away and have not returned. The doctor weened her off all her meds because she is doing so well now. She is like a new person and so much has changed in a positive way with her. Acceptance and love has truly blessed my life and my daughters life. I used to get upset when people didn't accept me and now it no longer haunts me. I would judge them for not accepting and it was a vicious cycle. Now I know they are just on their own journey and will get there in their own time and I had the power to break that cycle all along. I had given the power to them but when I stopped judging them for judging me, I broke that cycle and felt freedom.

[@kristanicole8129]

This is beautiful :)

[@jeremywhitlock909]

So cool! I know all of what you said was not an easy thing! Thanks for sharing that.

[@tkaneen]

Yes, I went thru a very similar time with my daughter and it was not until she began to love herself and care for herself that she began to heal. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@yobrojoost9497]

What a blessing! I'm very happy for you!

[@pukasmom]

That is beautiful & amazing! I am very grateful you shared that with all of us! Bless you and your daughter 💖✨🙏

[@bonniereneereflections8402]

It helped me dissolve judgement when I would see everyone as a child. And we all really are, relative to other beings. And I could never “hate” a child. They are in a deep learning process. Compassion falls nicely in place and your external world becomes much more pleasant and peaceful.

[@delagrazia]

its not quite so.i did that always n what i realised is the child/soul /spirit is one thing the personality another..it can become dangerous to only see thar aspect of a person

[@yobrojoost9497]

I agree with you. We are all children, though most of us have forgotten that and pretend we're adults and we know 'best'. Forgiveness, compassion, empathy are admirable qualities that can bring great happiness. Yet when faced with someone who is, for whatever reason, engaging in predatory behaviours, we need to take a stand for ourselves. In the case of a close relationship with a narcissist it's usually best to exit as quickly as possible, especially if you happen to be of an empathic nature. Empaths, highly sensitive people, are the narc's favourite target. Of course, there are people who have narcissistic tendencies but are not as severely affected as some, and the negative behaviour patterns only surface when they feel threatened. I can recommend Dr. Les Carter's channel 'Surviving Narcissism' for in depth information about this affliction. Here's the link: kzbin.info/door/IELB1mz8wMKIhB6DCmTBlw

[@blackstream2572]

My take is similar, but different... I just remove my expectations of where someone 'should' be in life. The thing is, there's so much for us as people to work on that we can work on in any order with no real set path or real guidance, and there's so many potential factors I cannot see that could completely change their circumstances even further, that I find it hard to make judgements about people most of the time. Instead of judgement I have boundaries. I let people figure their shit out, and let people in (or lock them out) as they prove themselves over time.

[@yobrojoost9497]

@@blackstream2572 Yep, clear boundaries are very important, I totally agree. And judgement serves no purpose whatsoever. Discernment helps us to keep good boundaries, whilst at the same time not falling into the superior/inferior trap.

[@gill426]

@@blackstream2572 No offence but locking people out is not a very loving thing to do. I don't know what sort of threat they pose but in the long run that's just more separation and more judgement.

[@Miss-Abby13]

On a side note, if the woman who is married to this narcissistic, ie someone with NPD she does not need to give him more compassion. She needs to give herself more compassion and protection and get herself out of there.... ESPECIALLY if she has children. I sincerely hope she is seeing a therapist to help her protect herself. :(

[@Kt_bb]

I got out of an 8 year emotionally and physically abusive relationship, trying to date after all of it i felt I was attracting only narcissists and even began to question if I myself was a narcissist. A childhood friend of mine mentioned how she thought my mom was a narcissist and though I could identify my partner in a heart beat i felt a little off thinking of my mother as one. I went through feelings of confusion,sadness, anger and others feeling almost a victim mindset and even had a hard time digesting the first part of the video where you said we are what we hate. This made so much sense to me and why ive 'subconsciously ' been staying single is because ive simply recognized that i can not LOVE or FIX someone into loving myself if that makes any sense. My pain has been set in place for me to finally wake up and start loving the parts of me I wanted others to love so badly about myself. I have always felt like the odd one out and now I embrace it.my son,(4) just as weird as me has been my best teacher, I noticed I was putting out his flame and that was where my source of healing came from unknowingly. Thank you so much for this, it was so helpful to me.

[@sophiafakevirus-ro8cc]

Yea you're a narcissist

[@deepak1987]

Damn, that was super deep. I had to watch it a few times. Still barely scratched the surface of the teaching's profound implications. "Projection is of the cause and not the effect" was brilliant. In a case where say your parents continuously criticized/shamed/demanded stuff of you and never reflected anything good/worthy/lovable about you, all of that negative self-image gets internalized/introjected. With this as the 'cause', it develops the self-hatred condition, which then forms the cause for subsequent adaptations - either into the 4F coping responses: # fight: narcissist, bully, problem child, ranter. # flight: obsessive achievement seeking (seeking a self-image that is validated outside) # freeze: feeling like a frozen outsider, prisoner of ambivalence, paralysis, depression # fawn: people pleasing I happen to hate all of the above if I saw others in those states. And now it's clear that what I actually hate is the CAUSE of all of the above, which is also in me, which is a negative/hated self-image that is identified with. I also understand that the parents have likely been subjected to the exact same treatment by their parents...and so on. The pain is just being carried forward and passed on. Those painful ways of relating. But it seems like all this deep understanding leads to compassion/pensiveness, but also a kind of depression, a limbo, a no mans land. Your prior self gets dismantled by these understandings and initiations into deeper truths, but so does your world view. The self and world view go together right. There is a dissolution into a limbo, a flatland, a chaos, a mystery. There is no alternate planet waiting for you after these realizations right, where a spaceship shall come and carry you there because now you have uncovered the secrets. It's the same world, and now you do not even have your previous anchors. You sink into a kind of abyss until the "higher reality/god/gaia/world/oversoul/astrology cycle" itself lifts you up. There is a condition of just waiting in the abyss of not knowing/unknown, in the abyss of mystery, the dark night of the forlorn soul, where only god/grace can raise one out of it, and lift the veil and open one to life/love/meaning/self-world again. Maybe the self-world automatically forms again, once the mountain of the prior-self has been fully grieved i.e. once the blinding smoke of that grief has passed, the smoke from burning up the old self by contemplation. Initially, after the first disillusionment, I guess we realize we are utterly helpless and impotent in the hands of an unknown reality. A limbo of dread-fear-trance-submission. This would be the stage of identifying with only the witness and watching the bewildering play of life pass by. Then later in the final disillusionment, we also realize we don't even exist, only reality ever was, is, and ever will be. This would be the true transcendence to non-dual union and the identification with that. I am right now sort of in that first disillusioment of: fear/dread/trance/submission/mystery/unknowns everyday/endless free-fall into a bottomless scape. Like a caterpillar in the chrysalis state, undergoing molecular disintegration and rearragement. The only thing I have with me is an inner faith/light. Some day I shall be back, a dawn will happen at sometime. If anyone related to this please leave a like. I would feel less alone.

[@carolmatthews1073]

I found your comment especially useful. Initially I went through the destructive “fight” mode which did nothing to improve my self acceptance, swung over to fawning, exploited to ridiculous extremes until I realized I was causing the resulting bitterness and resentment by putting myself in exploitive situations. Now in my seventies I am a hermit, could that be freeze or flight? But the Course of Miracles has saved me, straightened out the pointless searching for an identity and that wretched unloving and unlovable ego is on the wane. Still struggle with people who show narcissistic tendencies who I seem unable to escape. Maybe this video will change that, meaning I shall have to practice replacing the disgust to compassion. 😅

[@evantochydlowski4787]

Aaron, I'd love to see a video on some practical methods for healing the negative core beliefs of the subconscious mind. Love your channel! ❤️

[@TinglesNTarot]

@@AaronAbke Yes, that video is great. Thank you. I think having a video solely dedicated to the topic of healing negative self beliefs is a primary goal for many of us on the spiritual path. Your insights are so unique. I know I'd certainly appreciate anything more on the topic you have to share. Thank you ❤️

[@jackallen6261]

@@TinglesNTarot Yes, please! I second this.

[@lynnbuonomo7611]

@@AaronAbke Hi, I am also wondering if self hypnosis before going to bed and in the morning can teach the subconscious more positive thinking? Thanks and great chanel Lynn

[@fliu5282]

@@lynnbuonomo7611 Nope. Only in the morning can teach. If you truly want to teach the subconscious more positive thinking? Be up at 5:00 A.M. and in the Theta waves state can only teach the subconscious. Subconscious is also a channel to communicate with the divine. Practice Transcendental Meditation you get there. You have too much going already for the day thru your brain, "self hypnosis" at night? You be falling into sleep in less than one minute. So forget that. Just remember "The language of subconscious [or I call it - God] is silence". The rest is just noise. Billionaires I know get up at 4, Supernatural & Spiritual guru i know, gets up at 3:30 A.M.

[@fliu5282]

@@lynnbuonomo7611 Most people get up 5 AM having head-ake is because they sleep late, then sleep earily you won't have this problem.

[@kamilaewska1663]

So much wisdom, thank you ❤ my Mum is a narcissist. I used to hate her too, until I understood, and forgiven... Now I feel nothing but compassion for her. It must feel awful to be you when you feel like you need to act like that.

[@NandoAraujo-SpiritualGuide]

When we judge ourselves or the others and when we hate ourselves or the others we disconnect ourselves from L💚VE. God is love and love is God. 🙏💚🙏

[@jays3710]

Wow!🎇 Absolutely ELATED that I stumbled upon your channel!😁 I am inspired to apply the Truths you tell in my YT 📹 Journey. 🔮 Thank you for your Wisdom, Brotha 😀 Much Appreciated 🌇🌆🎆🎇🎉

[@angelgirldebbiejo]

That's the easiest way of saying it and i actually understand whats being said. ..easy peasy lemon squeezy.

[@roxana6354]

God is love, love is God, we are God, we are love💗💗💗

[@NandoAraujo-SpiritualGuide]

Roxana 🙏💚🙏

[@NandoAraujo-SpiritualGuide]

Angel Shining 🙏💚🙏

[@user-hg6xm5jo4r]

Wow I wish everyone could watch this video. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@Aum_shantishantishanti111]

It’s simple . When you feel hate you feel it within yourself . So your feeling that feeling within your mind and body .

[@robertmolicky2063]

Yep. Just discovered Aaron's channel yesterday. Today I am binge watching it as if nothing else in the world matters. Aaron, you are truly a gift to humanity. Thank you so much for sharing and doing it with the humility, intelligence, clarity, humor and poise of a master guide.

[@novalumee243]

Oh my gosh I feel you!!! I binge watch him all the time!!!

[@gill426]

Thank you for the insight, I wrote some things down because they seemed very important for my path. I have one additional thought though - in your example it is very well possible that the judgement on the selfish behaviour is the judgement of a part of that lady, which she has suppressed and denied and so forth. That she hates this person for being selfish because she was never allowed to be selfish, to just do what she wants and make her own interest and desire important. Her husband is showing it to an obnoxious degree but it is possible that she disowned a part of herself that doesn't want to do what's best for others all the time.

[@Humphreedee]

Finally, someone is able to make sense of a truly tricky concept. Thank you!!!!

[@anshumansingh3642]

So love and forgive everyone

[@ENTRIFICE]

Kinda. Love and forgive your self. The world is You pushed out. Learn to love and forgive yourself, and the world will be full of love and forgiveness ... and it will be ready to be loved and forgiven by you.

[@eliosp3160]

Remember, forgiving everyone does not mean, trust everyone.

[@johnrowan2264]

You love and forgive but you only every in control of yourself, if you awakened to that fact, you will realise that the person you love and forgiven may be blind to fact that that you have realised what was in yourself and let go of it but they are blind and don't realise it in themselves and make no effort to change themselves and because they keep treating you like dirt, you allowed to love and forgive them and move out of their space

[@DJFreeway-DJDeltoid-DJZales]

Easier said than done.

[@cheryljacobson1429]

My dad was a narcissist & so i married my dad.. they inflict emotional & physical dominance. Their heart is shut down, they cant love, they where not loved as a child so they dont know what love is, best to run for your life, they will shut down your heart as well.

[@moshiachhasawakened6781]

Great and razor sharp. ♥ When you see nothing but the potential of a divine heavenly being in everything, your spirit vision breaks through all "evil" as if it's not there, you are fully healed in the throne room of heaven where "sin" does not exist and you look with the eyes of God.

[@maliajones7005]

Extremely helpful! This expanding your consciousness is deep work. Your explanations of this inner work and dialogue has helped me tremendously. Thank you!

[@highermind4151]

Awaken to your true nature. You are the infinite field of consciousness. You are God

[@maggiefarid6843]

Once we heal ourselves we actually heal all the people who truly love us too, if they want to be healed. Thank you for putting this out there self love is a true answer

[@pattyhawley1]

Wow!!! Thank you for the clarity on projection. The whole "if you spot it, you got it" did not make total sense to me. Now that you explain that it is at the level of CAUSE and not at the level of the EFFECT, it makes much more sense. As within, so without is literal so now we can begin to see the gift in everyone and everything that comes into our lives. I see the subconscious mind as a mechanism for our healing because it brings up people, conditions and circumstances in our lives for us to heal our past conditioning = the lost prodigal son on his journey back home to Divine Love. In truth, we are already whole and perfect. It is only our perception (our mind/the filter) with all of its false beliefs that needs to be purged/cleansed and then we can see the truth that was there all along. The period of being asleep to the truth is a necessary one or else consciousness could not be expanded. If we all knew that we were really God from the get go then we could not PLAY the game of life full out because the gig would be up from the start. Therefore we must forget, expand consciousness, remember who we really are and then help others to remember as well. You are hands down my favorite KZbin teacher. THANK YOU!!!

[@ajalikeasia]

I’ve never been so ecstatic to find someone’s channel in my life! I literally have been going over this with my therapist for my last two sessions & I still wasn’t really getting to the bottom of my big issue with judging others. Literally EYE OPENING!!!! So grateful to have found you. TY!

[@tuatara80]

Thank you, Aaron, for explaining in plain and simple English what judgment and forgiveness meant in unintelligible philosophy books which I have read but didn't quite fully understand. Thank you. Your channel has made me gradually realize a world which I didn't see when my ego was still a dominant force in me. God bless you for your work, Aaron!

[@col.waltervonschonkopf69]

If a person hates someone's some quality or behavior, he has the seeds for that quality or behavior in himself is what I've understood.

[@Jeff-u9b]

Idk. I loathe non-punctual people and am neurotic about being early and on time. What is that type of stuff?

[@eliosp3160]

Stop protecting, now the threats are gone. Start healing yourself.

[@karolinawyrzykowska3574]

Mind blowing. I've wondered about that myself as sometimes it's so clear why I judge others and get triggered but there are times where I can't really tell why things bother me so much in other people. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain it. Have a great day. Karolina

[@abdelhamidbestarsa8706]

Great work you're doing Always bring what we love to hear and help us in our spiritual journey PS : one of the things that make me really laugh when you act like it's the ego talking hahaha exactly so 😂!!!

[@simannchen2837]

haha same :D

[@BecauseHelives7]

I am having trouble wrapping my mind around your teachings because it’s so far from what I’ve always known to be true. But it makes SO much sense when applied to my life. My suffering. My confusion. My relationships...

[@sandis4287]

You put a ton of effort into teaching the outside world is actually our own mirror! Thanks for the reminder. Your videos are so helpful for my personal growth!

[@Rgweim]

Thanks, Aaron for talking about a difficult topic with such grace for. Here's my take on it. All confusion stems from not seeing where true cause and effect is. So here's my attempt at demystifying this. All the actions that we take in the outer world are the EFFECT of an Inner condition. What is a murderer except for someone who believes he can get something from another which he thinks he lacks. It is his lack of love for himself that causes him to murder. The action does not make him a murderer, but his inner condition of self-loathing caused him to act out in this murderous way. What is a narcissist but someone who also believes he is lacking in approval. The narcissist therefore needs to get that approval from another through self-aggrandizement. His boasting is not the cause but the effect of his belief that he lacks approval. All egos projects. Projection is a defense mechanism. It is the means to try to get rid of something without addressing the inner condition that creates the thing the ego wants to get rid of. So the only reason why I would interpret another to be a murderer or a narcissist is because there is an unquestioned unloving belief that I can lack something. I project that lack so that I can make believe that another responsible for my inner condition. When I believe I can lack, it becomes an inner condition of thinking that I can attack my wholeness. This becomes the filter through which I look at the world (projection). So when I stop projecting, I also start to take responsibility for my inner condition. I heal that inner condition through self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and inquiry. I realize that it is crazy to attack my wholeness. I also start to realize everyone else is doing the same thing - crucifying themselves. Awakening is the simple recognition that I can have no lack and therefore nothing to project. If you are truly perfect and whole, you can only look on the other as your perfect self. So yes it is true that I am what I hate. But it is also true that I am what I love. But if lack is unreal, then hate is impossible. Love is the only thing that is real. When I hate, I am projecting and dreaming and therefore not my True Self. When I love, I am awake and therefore my True Self. You cannot become something that you already are. All loving action always comes out of this realization because it is your very own Self.

[@zp6097]

Aaron, so much resonation! Thank you so much! You are a smart dude (but I’m projecting so really I am a smart dude!)! 😁

[@inspirationalinstructors8420]

Thank you Aaron! This is beautiful 😍 You are an absolute amazing human being. I am so happy I found you.

[@janataylor8626]

I can watch any one of your videos and every time I learn or recognize something new. Thank you for what you do for so many people. You probably don't even know! God bless you!

[@designingmindy6175]

Thank you for the understanding. The problem is “learning how” to handle the destructive narcissistic person who keeps invading and negatively affects everyone. Some things must be stopped! It’s not okay for them to keep hurting people.

[@etherealawakening7720]

Yes, I wasn't selfish either. But in my minds eye, never uttering to another human being I believed myself more intellectually superior than most others. More times than not without even a surface level determination. I outwardly displayed perfectionist type characteristics, and when the acknowledgement I wanted even in a fractioned amount never reciprocated, I had fuel for victim mentality, self loathing and blaming which stroked ego up to unmanageable levels. Brutal honesty and rejection from all outer relationships plus remaining teachable saved me. Mostly remaining teachable.

[@minnie6769]

Thank you so much for helping us understand our own pitfalls and how to use everything uncomfortable situation which arises in our personal lives as a reflection of that which needs to be healed in ourselves. I've been struggling with this especially today but your video has helped me. Thank you so much Aaron. 🙏💙

[@caribbeanqueen4535]

Very deep. This logical explanation makes a whole lot of sense.

[@kathrynphillips3710]

you should be heard and seen on a much larger scale aaron..u tube is not wide enough..you know more and have more wisdom than these so called psychologists and doctors..if more people could hear you and listen to you.. they wouldnt need so much toxic medication..that can only make them worse..you get right to the core of each problem..i just hope more and more people are lucky enough to find you.. your a much needed modern day messiah..i would even go so far to say..bless you aaron..♥️

[@TheJenniferProject]

Aaron, thank you immensely for this incredibly articulate explanation of narcissism. I wasn't privy to this term until several years ago and a person very close to me throws this word around so often and I haven't been able to get a clear understanding of this until now. I'm off to watch the defense mechanism vid next. I've been following multiple spiritual teachers and absorbing all this information like a sponge over the past several years since my "wake up call" (including Abraham Hicks, Teal Swan, so many others I'll spare the long list) and none of them articulate the way you do. You popped up on my feed early this week for the first time. May all the seekers be attracted to your content. Much gratitude to you for your work and efforts in sharing this with the masses. It is vital.

[@tiffanyanderson7094]

I've always wondered about this very topic, thank you for finally answering it and in such an easy to understand format. I really appreciate you Aaron 🙏

[@milenaseymour446]

So deeply powerful and profound! Learning so much thank u!

[@TheDoedog]

In 1997, L/L Research sent me a copy of the book The Law of One: The Ra Material. In 1998 an auricular acupuncturist gave me my 1st copy of A Course In Miracles. Welcome aboard, there is always room for everyone. LOL!

[@purple-star4366]

I have been thinking about this statement for so long. You explained it wonderfully. Thank you 😊

[@phonesgiveeveryoneadhd2826]

Judgement is an attempt to make someone guily to make me look inocent. So deep. So true.

[@Hermetic7]

As always, fantastic vid! I would add that projection ties in with two concepts: morality and the shadow self. People judge actions as moral or immoral, yet actions can have no such context. Morality is found in intent, not in action. Just because someone kills someone does not mean they are immoral. If their intent was to harm, then yes...but if their intent was to protect (say they saved a child from a murderer by killing the murderer), then the intent was moral, therefore the action cannot be immoral. We tend to think in black and white terms, yet the Universe knows no such concept (and here it is important to understand that the Universe is not conceptual, but is experiential). Our judgments against others are always based in something that exists in our shadow self. But, because we don’t recognize we have a shadow self that needs to be reincorporated so that we can become whole again, and because we do no shadow work, our judgments persist. This is the idea behind why we have to cease judgment. If you are diligent about doing a bit of shadow work every day, you will find that your judgment slowly just fades away. Yes, it takes time and persistent effort, but the reward is inner peace. Love you, Aaron!

[@claritycleaning6137]

So great you love the paedophiles! Those guys just want the love of a child and no one understands them. At least they have a friend in you.

[@Hermetic7]

Clarity Cleaning - If you understood the concept, you would understand the intent behind that is not moral. Clearly, by resorting to such baseness, you do not understand the concept.

[@claritycleaning6137]

Morality is subjective. I think people who sleep with hundreds of people are immoral. You might think it's ok. Here is the flaw in the reasoning. It's why I point it out.

[@Hermetic7]

Clarity Cleaning - There is nothing whatsoever about intent that is subjective...and you, as an individual person with intents, know this clearly. If you stop yourself from automatic reaction and examine your intent in every situation, you will, by default, increase your moral behavior. The issue is, most people never do this...or never even try. If it’s true that love is always about other, never about self and is unconditional, then striving for this in the intent of your actions will move you in the direction of your true being, that spark of the Divine that you carry by virtue of the fact that you are a conscious soul. Does that mean that I can simply flip a switch and become absolutely moral...of course not. It’s a slow and arduous journey that requires work and diligence every single day. If someone “wrongs” you, question their intent, not the action. You will be surprised that, in many cases, their intent was not what you immediately judged. The wisest teachers have always told us that, instead of being reactionary, take a step back and look deeper. If anyone ever hopes to understand another in this physical reality construct, we’re going to have to do this. If automatically judging people based on their actions without ever understanding anything about their intent worked well, then we clearly wouldn’t be in the position we are today. People’s intent is, most often, not malicious against you...it is more often based in fear. If we can begin to have real discussions around this with those we disagree with, we could begin to make big inroads on understanding people who are different than us. Sure, there are people who are so entrenched they will not discuss with you. But, there are also people who will discuss if you are genuine and want to learn about their differences. And, more often than not, you will come away being enriched. Everyone would also see that people can disagree and not vilify and demonize each other; and that people can disagree while both can still have moral intent behind their actions. You are speaking of morality in the way it is commonly understood as an external judgment based on action...and that is subjective as you correctly point out. But, morality in intent is not subjective. Every time you examine your intent behind an action and do so truthfully, you will always know exactly whether your intent is moral or not. Does that intent genuinely reflect your core being...and is it helpful or harmful to yourself and others? Again, I will reiterate that this is not an easy task...and I certainly have failed many times. But it doesn’t mean I give up trying. We always want the easy way out, the black and white view...and it is far easier to judge and condemn than it is to reflect, seek to understand and grow. If it were easy, we wouldn’t have been at war for all of human history.

[@susanburns1822]

@@AaronAbke Bless you Aaron, you are an absolute inspiration and true light, thank you so much!!

[@aliya2260]

Great explanation! Just an idea, but if you add "narcissist/narcissism" in the title or hashtag, more people would be able to watch this since narcissism is a big topic these days. I hope you talk more about the emotions of the narcissist and why they have to hurt people.

[@SuperChristianMiiworld]

@@AaronAbke Yes! I would love a video defining narcissism, different ways to identify them and how to deal with them from your perspective Aaron.

[@pukasmom]

You are an Awesome teacher Aaron ,Thankyou so much this REALLY hit home for me personally because I'm in a relationship with someone who suffers from being a Narcissist. It's been a very painful experience but also a beautiful one and has taught me more about myself and helped me grow personally. I am so grateful to hear someone say it's okay to be compassionate to these kind of people and not be judgemental. These videos help me so MUCH ❤️ Aloha and Mahalo🌺

[@aileenperando4140]

Aaron..I just cannot stop myself watchinng your videos..so helpful!

[@ElizeCloete]

Very insightful Aaron, thank you! You explain things very well.

[@jahtide7810]

Very good point 👍 I did made this mistake many times n from now on I will correct this thanks for the pointing out. It's love for hate! Love for love . N that's allthear is.

[@sallyb1111]

I love the depth of your understanding, Aaron. Thanks.

[@galanofgaia2881]

Thank You You Beautiful Soul!!! The Alchemy of this viewpoint was such a powerful perspective and articulated with truth and compassion for Transparency of root causes of the RPG'S interacting within their own interpretation of known experiences... It was Awesome!!! As the Universe can only BE!!!

[@mooses06]

Thank you Aaron, Namaste🙏🏻

[@TreePlantedByTheRiver]

Summed up years of study in 20 minutes. Thanks and we’ll done.

[@Hildred6]

This makes perfect sense. The only thing I would say is that the example of the person who ‘hates’ her narcissistic husband may be simply that she hates how he makes her feel. She hates the behaviour. People hide it at first, she loved the person he was without the narcissistic behaviour. We find it hard to separate the person and the behaviour. It is causing her mental suffering, but does that necessarily mean that she has issues which are building defence mechanisms. It’s probably more likely that a narcissistic person will choose someone who does have insecurities and are easier to manipulate, but not 100% of the time, they must have relationships with people who are emotionally very stable also.

[@Sofreakingmad]

This all makes sense now, Thank you for existing we appreciate you 🙏🏼

[@thomasvolponi3368]

Wow. I knew this subconsciously, but would never have been able to express this in words. Thanks you for this and all your wonderful videos. They are an eye opening to me in so many ways. I am going through them all one by one. Thank you Kindly, Thomas

[@justdreaming181]

Hey Aaron, hello guys, I hope everyone is doing well this weekend ❤️ There is something I can't understand .. If I become aware I am married to a narcissist, if I understand why he is behaving like that and why I am hating him, and if I have now love, compassion and pity towards him.. I am still in pain .. Therefore I couldn't stay in this relationship without trying to change him or his destroying behaviour. It doesn't really lead me to acceptation but still to some form of jugement of he being the way he is. The other option will be to leave him, but it doesn't prevent me against falling in love with a narcissist person again, going through the whole cycle again. How can we love someone knowing the reason why they are suffering, and not having any power to change the situation ? Even with loads of compassion, it still hurts. Does it means we have to walk away each time we begin to suffer over a certain situation ? I used to have a hard time with suffering in general, and wanted to save the world suppressing any sort of pain. I recently realised it was because I was myself immensely suffering and needed healing, but didn't want to acknowledge it nor take care of it. By saving the world I wanted the world to save me (didn't work only got worse (un)fortunately). I then understood I am responsible of my own happiness, but I am still unable to see people I love in sorrow, and I still have no clue on how to deal with it. If you guys have any advices I will be more than happy to hear them 🙏🏻

[@timstims2639]

@@AaronAbke well said Aaron. Bless you

[@sanctusignis9746]

You are an empath. Protect your gift. ACCEPT that the world is in dualities n spectrums...so there are people that want to heal the world,there are people that want to destroy it...and those in between...BC THAT IS THE WAY THEY ARE,either at that particular time/all the time due to circumstances....if they don't actively try to learn new ways of being and seeing,you cannot change them,but by participating,you are going against your value system and against yourself,and THAT is what causes you pain,not the other person. By the way,I'm not victim blaming as I've been a victim of domestic abuse, but RADICAL ACCEPTANCE OF REALITY AND HOW MY CHOICES AFFECT THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE has been life changing. Recovering people pleasing codependent here. I've stopped making excuses for bad behaviour towards me,by realising that when I have a bad day or I'm tired or upset or angry or frustrated or stuck,I don't take it out on others,so why should I allow others to do that for the same reasons? True self love has been a journey that is long overdue... Wishing you all the best.

[@nalinisingh5653]

Thank you Aaron well explained ,have a wonderful weekend .

[@jeremywhitlock909]

Wow! You broke it down, and explained it! This is the saying from Jesus Christ, huh. We see the speck in our brother, or sisters eye, but don't perceive the 2×4 in our own eye. Your Awesome Aaron. Great work!

[@reylagarto83]

Thanks so much man. Cristal clear, i finally got it.

[@judylites]

The Urantia Book has amazing information on this! Aaron you are so wise and a great communicator!

[@LisaLywulf]

This is so true. You explain things in a way that's really easy to make sense of. ALL JUDGEMENT is an attempt To offload guilt onto someone else this is the ESSENCE of PROJECTION." Hmm so a thought is projected but NEVER leaves it's source. Interestingly,, many of us can sense/feel peoples true selves, emotions etc. Some say "EMPATHS are like mirrors". Certain people seem to feel uncomfortable when we meet and of I see them more often, it feels like they start looking for ways to judge me. Anyone else notice this?. I didn't know what was going on. Many times once we talk things get better. It is like they feel like they can't hide. Not sure if this makes sense but thought I'd share. 🤔

[@BrandonWilsonCPT]

Thank you for your teaching, experience and just your all round goodness. Always good listening. Best from Cape Town.

[@nimitaw1167]

Omg love your videos! I knew everything you are talking about, but hearing it in this way is amazing.

[@The_One_Called_Keith]

Whooaawhh, Your insight never stops to amaze and inspire me, Thank you so much. It genuinely gives me hope and strength to keep doing introspection and expand my awareness. Much love, Keith.

[@lightdweller1]

These are really good points raised in response to the email on selfishness. But looking deeper there is another aspect which you haven’t covered, which I discovered in myself and working as a psychotherapist. It is very rarely mentioned and is only my own observation, as follows: Projection is not just reacting to qualities in others that reflect a part of ourselves that we love (complimenting others) or reject (criticising others). It’s also about qualities that others express, that we wish we could express ourselves but are unable to. So in this instance where the narcissist is too selfish! Conversely the partner could be too unselfish and self-sacrificing denying her own needs. She wished she could value herself enough to be more selfish... Therefore she will criticise the narcissist for being liberated to express selfishness, a quality which she herself is too inhibited to embrace. If that makes sense! Great video, I found too that the cause is so important to acknowledge as well as the action.

[@TheNomaer]

Aaron, you're insight is beyond awesome.

[@lorraineroy8653]

Aaron wow! This was amazing!! Ty ty ty 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@sandrawhite8158]

Now please explain to me how not to be hateful about my neighbors boom boom, which I never want to hear! Day or night. I have no money to move and I shouldn't and I don't want to deal with cops, which I shouldn't in the first place. Do I hate the cause? Yes. I don't like clown music. Do I hate the person who causes the noise? Most definitely. Without them there would be no cause for me to hate. The title: Am I what I hate? Or I am what I hate! Thumbs up for the video, I know it was about different subject.

[@spiritualcfo]

Resonate with this so much. Judgment is something I've really had to work on. When I was healing a few years ago after my divorce (where my ex cheated on me), my counselor helped me to see that we both had insecurity. My ex's caused him to be unfaithful, where my insecurity played out in different ways.

[@ChantelStays]

Have just come across you, it’s nice to find someone who is so open to what is beyond the conscious mind- a good balance of spirituality, mysticism and science- I resonate deeply with a lot of what I’ve heard you speak about thus far, and are words of clarity that I share within my friends circle! Now about this video, I had attracted a clinical narcissist- didn’t know what he was suffering from until a few years deep, once I figured out the tactics I then was momentarily enraged by his “narcissistic” behaviours. Now I’ve always been attuned to the “shadow self” and am naturally empathic, so being angry towards him for narcissistic behaviours never stayed long - HOWEVER I took in victim mode, and it really took some deep diving in order to see why the narcissism behaviours were so apparent, why they bothered me so much and why it lead me to take on victim role playing. - my younger conditioning was not of love, or a place to build upon self confidence and acceptance. So it took me some time before I realized how lacking I was in self love- I had a cup overflowing of love for the world and others, and have spent so many years on self improvement, forgiveness and connecting to my high self and the Creator. - but it wasn’t until I started consciously practicing compassion for self, bolstering my ego, learning boundaries and coming more in balance, that I realized that his behaviours are that of wounds and hurt... and by giving him the space of healing, sending white light and compassion, I have been able to successfully remove myself from the situation but also from the victim mentality. Just wanted to share, this video was a very clear definition of the mirror effect, because saying “you are what you see in others” can be very misconstrued. Thanks for your time... light always 🙏🏽

[@sinnsupbringing3764]

You have to be the most enlightened man on earth . I’ve been constantly trying to figure out why I hate certain ppl and I almost caught the fact that I am them too but this video helped me realize it . I am and always have been suffering narcissism always trying to do things to get others attention I’ve realized now through this video why I’m doing what I am doing . Pls tell me you have an video on how to start loving yourself I must watch immediately

[@jarcauco]

This one was a really helpful one. Thank you for articulating it.

[@mikareno11]

Wow, I needed this message This takes us to new level Thanks you

[@kyle92008]

Fucking Beautiful! It's obvious that you've done the work and are wise beyond your years. Thanks again for sharing the true wisdom we all need to transform ourselves and evolve the collective consciousness!

[@marketingwithwilliam]

I agree you'd don't have to hate them and to have compassion and it's a mirror but you also don't have to stay around them neither ☝ It's kinda difficult to heal from crack while constantly being physically right by it!

[@starrydiscoqueen11]

Thank you so much Aaron! I am about to go into work. I needed to hear this today. I am dealing with a coworker who embodies this trait and I’m doing my best to deal with it. I am leaning heavily into my faith today. 💖🌷🌟😊

[@wisuvi]

Had this lesson yesterday. Your videos are so much appreciated, really.💚🙏

[@Delgado-ot4lq]

Remarkable explanation on such a complex topic my friend! You are truly a gift! Keep living your passion and may your dreams come true. Thank you! I love that you are getting into the non-doership topics. If I remember correctly, in one of your videos you mentioned that our free will is where we place our attention. It will be great if you could do a video expanding more on this topic. If we are not the doer and everything that happens is just life unfolding then who is the one directing the attention or is there any point in trying to manifest something? it seems that from this perspective, life will unfold through you as it will and trying to manifest something could also be the conditioning/ego. Deep but I love these topics! love and light.

[@jasmineflores9760]

DelgadoF .. I’m still learning of course but I do have this understanding of awareness that makes sense to me. We are always creating and we are all awareness and all one. Where our attention goes we create and it’s happening everywhere all at once since awareness is everywhere all at once. Inner work helps us create our desires better. We’re always already manifesting. All of us all the time. There are times when we can have more powerful results. When we imagine what we want in 1st person from within it when we are in between awake and asleep at bedtime and in the morning we create that which we’ve imagined. If we imagine of it like watching a movie than we’re creating it for someone else. We must be from it in our own body not watching ourself from the outside. Throughout the day it’s important to relinquish control as things are already moving us towards what’s been imagined and trying to control will cause resistance. Do what you feel like doing. Feeling causes you to follow intuition and guides you better. Overthinking is like listening to a computer program rather than your true self. Use your emotional guidance system and feel the freedom it brings. The chatter in your head causes suffering while feeling causes freedom.

[@Delgado-ot4lq]

@@jasmineflores9760 Hi! Love and light to you! Thank you for taking the time to read and reply with such interesting pointers😀. I do agree with all you've said. My confusion arises from the concept that if we are not in control and every moment is destined to be because it is just life flowing through us and not us "doing" something. Then will it make any sense to even try to manifest something. Every thing is unfolding as it is destined to. Maybe my question is a bit hard to understand or I can't really put my confusion into words. Thank you so much!!💜

[@jasmineflores9760]

DelgadoF Thank you! ...True, I may not understand the depth of your question. I guess my best understanding is you may be saying manifestations happen regardless so what’s the point to trying deliberately? I believe we communicate from our physical perspective to whole awareness from within on a subconscious level which is the part where we are doing things and so the point would be to create a better life by working on our inner self... self talk, beliefs, and imaginings... than throughout the day life is moved in new probabilities that match our new perspectives so to speak. When we flow with life in such a way that feels good we are following our true nature not the ego self and we are than better guided by our awareness. There’s no separation flowing through you though. Awareness is you. I’m sorry if I’m still not answering your question. I hope Aaron sees your comment question too because his clarity and understandings are mind blowing! All the best to you my friend!

[@Delgado-ot4lq]

@@jasmineflores9760 yes, I hear you! Good points! Thank you so much for your time. I do agree that Aaron is remarkable and has a unique way of explaining complex subjects. Love and light 🙏💜🙏

[@bryantholbeck7456]

I enjoy your videos, and find them VERY insightful! I too came from a very christian fundamentalist backround (4-12 christian schools 35 now).. I learned shame at a very young age, when I found out something intrinsic within me was rancid.. For a long time I used to be very angry at the world externally.. but over time I have replaced what I viewed as childish guilt.. Exchanging misplaced pain instead accepting internalized self hatred.. I have a very difficult time communicating with my fundamentalist family, I tend to consciously or sub-consciously hurt the way I was hurt.. You seem to be coming from a place of love, and I Respect that! I'm not sure if this is a statement or a question, but if this is something you can address.. thank-you and ~Namaste~

[@elizabethfrench8511]

Great Video, forwarded this to many others too. Thank you Aaron 💜🙏💜

[@GeorgeinLakeTahoe]

I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. Very imperative information for ones journey. Namaste Aaron. You are loved, bro.

[@ingridfromtoronto]

Love, forgive and see others as yourself.

[@atanasbaychev752]

You give so much information some times is hard to grasp on. You should make a bullet point of some of the best questions one can ask themselves in order to come to those same conclusions themselves and then real understanding will emerge.

[@tbd5082]

I also asked about narcissists, but about how good people project goodness on bad people.

[@rebekah1216]

Narcissist-codependent empath dance. Classic

[@supindersingh5538]

Wow! You are so right( i was judging and hating someone but now i understand why)thanks a lot Aaron

[@angelaped]

Fantastic - it really clicked for me. Thank you.. ❤️🙏❤️

[@Debo-d4p]

Thankyou so much brother for explaining this so clearly becoz I was also confused about this topic of projection thankyou so much for making this video🙏🙏🙏

[@pabloforstner486]

It’s hard to explain but great talk it’s pretty much the root of suffering

[@SONARCHIX]

Deep.. completely accepting.. learning everyday.. thank you

[@MyNoNameChannel2012]

Finally I got it!!! :) THANK YOUUU!

[@Kalamolng]

He has a POINT! But just be cause you are compassionate about a narc doesn't mean you let them abuse you further. Yes it is hard on them, yes they are victim of their own circumstance. But THE FACT of the matter is that you can't cure them base on compassion. You can feel sorry for them but they'll use that against you.

[@amyhodges5464]

thank you so much for this video 🙏🏻

[@krizdick2677]

Projection is fun. It's a great thing to figure out how to do.

[@PokeRelativity]

Like the saying goes…Your perception of me is a reflection of you….

[@devilsadvocate9011]

I was reading The Kybalion yesterday and there was a part near the end of the book called “Mental Gender & Hermetic Axioms”. I didn’t really understand exactly what they meant or I’m not sure if I interpreted it correctly. I would really appreciate it if you did a segment breaking down some of the points in those two parts of the book. I’ve been trying to understand the Universal Laws.

[@jouicychaos9389]

Totally agree with everything you say out of my own experience🙏❤️

[@tamimnoory2023]

Thank you so much it was so amazing and helpful!

[@cheryljacobson1429]

Tell your friend to leave the narcissist husband. I was married to one for 30 years & finally woke up to it & left, best decision. I dont hate him, but he has killed any love i had for him. He does not know he is a narcissist, he is broken from a terrible childhood, i blame his parents. But he may have chosen to live a life in the negative? He sucked the life out of me, disrespected me, i was a slave in jail. I felt sorry for him & tried to help him, knowing that he could not help the way he was, this merely wore me out. Know one deserves to be treated badly.