I Don’t Want to Die Alone (What Should I Do?)

I Don’t Want to Die Alone (What Should I Do?)
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@subjecttochrist]

I am gathering that sexual abuse on minors happens more than most people realize. So tragic. Protect your children!!

[@alluringbliss4165]

Many are ashamed and others are chided by their own family members. I am from the West Indies, a mother had to prove by setting up a camera right before it occurred. The people from the community blamed the mother. It’s really bad.

[@subjecttochrist]

@@alluringbliss4165 wow. Lord have mercy! Keep your eyes on Jesus

[@Neverender3367]

One in three children are sexually abused. That stat has bothered me for over twenty years. Sadly I don't think much has changed for the better..

[@maam-yj8ph]

This reality is completely lost on the manosphere. The only ones who sometimes get it were sadly among the children also molested.

[@subjecttochrist]

@@Neverender3367 wow. Brutal. When I look into my childrens’ eyes, I sometimes think of how terrible it is for children to be abused by the hands of those meant to protect them, and then I thank God for the opportunity to be the dad that I didn’t have when I grew up… since my dad was not really in the picture. Children are so dependent. Such a violation when someone hurts them. It’s heartbreaking.

[@IslemTav]

I think many of us needed this call! I’m rebuilding my life now after being married to a mentally abusive person. I’m in my 40s and feel unstoppable. I’m in college pursuing a whole new career. Thanks and praise be to God!

[@jasminebarratt1809]

Well done, thanks for the inspiration : )

[@JB-pd3ir]

Wonderful! 😊 Love hearing the story! 🥰

[@AmandaJ86]

So proud of you ❤

[@Mike-bs5xi]

I’m starting to understand that people we call messed up in society had some kind of abuse in their life in childhood.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Absolutely correct

[@mbw6785]

Yes

[@MTLV100]

It’s almost a given. 99% of the time childhood trauma is the cause of most dysfunction in adulthood. Watch soft white underbelly

[@socol76]

Look up Dr. Gabor Mate

[@KSL909]

Yes. The interviews on the KZbin channel Soft White Underbelly really reveal this.

[@gwendolineswanepoel4318]

"You did not waste anything, you survived" 😢😥💔I heard that...❤️💐Thank you...

[@devin3607]

Lol. Take that to the grave... alone

[@gravelor78]

Both.

[@AmandaJ86]

I needed to hear that.

[@jdudefun1755]

This call was deep. Thank you Monica for having the courage to reach out. Many of us needed this. Thank you John, for helping Monica, and actually helping millions of people through this call.

[@arlenefisher1164]

Exactly, I'm going to write myself some letters too.

[@cmadison7591]

I just ordered the book 🎉

[@andrephillips7764]

It’s not courage, stop saying everything is courageous. It was great she call but not a big deal

[@0i0l0o]

​@@andrephillips77641. You are wrong. 2. Even you were right, do not be an asshole

[@barbarak2836]

I had tears in my eyes.

[@melissam7067]

Thank you Monica for having the courage to call in with such a vulnerable question. Lot of us feel the same or similar.

[@bernadettehuff2984]

Wow, You are together, you haven't had a drink in 20 years, and you lost 75 lbs. Most people can't do half of that or even one of these things. You are just in a bad slump, you are a amazing person.

[@socialglitch2663]

I think you’re extremely brave, Monica. Your life isn’t a story of failure but an ode to survival and inner fortitude, with all the decks stacked against you. It may not help but you have a story to tell, should you choose to, and there’s inspiration in it. Keep looking forward. As long as we’re still breathing, the future is still being written.

[@shamailaahmad211]

❤

[@AB-se2st]

This comment! 💯❤

[@ashleypiper2558]

Beautifully said. ❤ I agree 100%

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

So very true.

[@angelcare5969]

This was the best episode EVER! She should be proud of herself and she should be an example for everyone! And John's example of his mom is INCREDIBLE!!!!!

[@slaviapolandia7541]

At 72, my mom finally cut the cord from my (sometimes) abusive dad. At 72, she went to school to learn Italian and also joined a karate class to help with strength and weightloss. My mom feels more alive, happy and independent now than she ever did before. At 56, there is sooooo much you can still accomplish.

[@HazelGrey.]

It’s rarely about the age but about how can we possibly afford it doing what for money.

[@curiouslyme524]

​@@HazelGrey.Exactly. I want to go beck to school but I can't because I have to work full-time to support myself.

[@xyznumber123]

Thank you for this call, Monica. I had a rough life growing up, but we have the power to write our own story. Please start by building your community. Being single and without children isn't a bad thing at all! Big hugs.

[@Neverender3367]

Monica is braver than she will ever know. I will keep Monica in my prayers..

[@sallyprzybil2404]

John, you should have your mom on as a guest and interview her. I grew up in an abusive home too, I’m older than she is, but that was childhood and far, far behind me. Those people are gone and can’t touch me ever. I was told that because I was a girl I couldn’t go to college. My parents not only refused to pay for college they refused to fill out any paperwork for scholarships. So I did it myself, I joined the Army, which got me ‘disowned’, but it paid for my college. I also worked through college, they refused to teach me to drive, so I went to college on the bus every day, even in the dead of Chgo winters. I have a degree, even taught in college. My family died off, at age 48 I found I was alone, parents died, brothers, died, husband died, and my one daughter lived 2000 miles away. I had no one. I wanted family. Online dating just didn’t do it. So at age 49, as a single woman I adopted a 6 year old child. Yes she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and had many intellectual and emotional issues, but I was blessed to have her, we are family. Then in HS she got pregnant and was intellectually and emotionally unable to take care of the baby. She had tried, but abandoned him with me when he was about a month old. Since then I have got legal custody, then eventually adopted him. He’s now 6, I’m 69, a ‘mom’ again. I’m not saying this to say that I’m better than her, I’m not. What I’m saying is that it’s all in the choices we make. Don’t let long past abuses and past issues stop you from having a fulfilling life full of people to love. Let childhood abuse go, it’s past, behind you, and it’s gone. I’m happy, I have a family, complete with their set of problems, that I love. We laugh, we hug, we have fun. And yes, at times we struggle.

[@marygm1996]

Her problem isn’t the childhood abuse it’s the hating herself that doesn’t let her move forward. You can’t know what love is if all you’ve ever known is the opposite. Some people just need more empathy & compassion because your light probably wasn’t all the way dimmed out but hers probably was. You loved yourself enough to go after what you wanted. She believes she doesn’t deserve it so in return takes no action because she’s mentally & emotionally paralyzed. Her nervous system is compromised. Just like yours might be fight or flight & hers is in freeze mode.

[@sallyprzybil2404]

@@marygm1996 yes. I understand. She doesn’t deserve this. My change came in HS. I stopped talking. Not one word for about 4 months. Not one word. And you know what happened? No one noticed. Not one person. Not my parents, not my teachers at school, none of the other kids, not one person at church. It was a big ‘F you all moment’, a moment when I decided that I was just a good as anybody else, that I had just as much right to exist and be happy as anyone else. From that moment when I learned that no one else alive gave a ‘Flying F about me’. I decided that I cared about me, that I would not only make it in the world but also be successful. And that since these people that were suppose ‘to care’ about me didn’t, I no longer cared at all what any one of them thought or said about me. So talk about not having love. Love is a verb, it’s an action word, in other words someone can say they love you till they’re blue in the face but if they then turn around and hit you, assault you, scream insults at you, that’s not loving behavior, and they’re lying, they don’t really love you, they’re just blowing empty, useless words your way. You have every right to turn your back on them and just walk away.

[@khalayii]

Just stopping by to say.. you are amazing!! You did it. Keep rocking!

[@dk1828]

So much respect to you 🙌

[@lepolhart3242]

I`m sorry for what you went through - you`re a very strong, admirable person. You`re brave as a woman to go into the army especially as a woman in a very male dominated arena. Then adopt a disabled child - it was very kind of you to do so then adopt your grandchild. I`m sorry you lost your parents, husband, siblings at a young age. Your husband and siblings can`t have been old when they passed. It always saddens me when people pass away young. I`ve seen videos of people who are one of the few remaining people in their family still alive as their relatives had passed away young due to suicide, overdoses, alcoholism, cancer etc etc, one old lady only had 1 or 2 grandchildren left as most of her relatives had died due to suicide and cancer. It`s a cruel world we live in at times.

[@andrewheffel3565]

Wretched childhood here. Drunken, drug filled twenties. In my late twenties, out of desperation, I turned to God, dropped my druggie friends, and made new friends at a church I started attending. Slowly I began to heal. I began to forgive myself. Now, at 70, I still have issues, but God has given me a good life, I am married to a good woman, have two successful, happy sons, and I love my life. God can heal you.

[@cutehumor]

Amazing how people bash God and the church. you are an example of how God can change your life!

[@silviasteinbacher7230]

Amen! Praise our Lord Jesus Christ ❤️

[@marianemashkalo4182]

Good for you! It's amazing. Could have done it as an atheist too, you might have replaced addictions-faith instead of substances. But whatever works. Don't take this comment as negative, it's just speculation. Sending love

[@Jennifer-fk8kb]

I think what John is seriously missing here is that there are certain things missed here that this woman can’t get now and that’s children. This really hits people as they get older. Comparing his mother who didn’t go to college (many people didn’t) and went to college later in life and then got a good job … just not the same as someone who suffered sexual abuse and spent half their former years when most women are building their future drinking away the pain. I sometimes feel like John is on another planet. She might be pumped up for a bit after this talk … but all the fluff will wear off pretty fast. What may really help her in life is finding a life partner to caring out the rest of her life with. John is talking to her like she’s a man and will be happy with achieve financial independence…. And while that can Help for women it won’t solve the loneliness of no family and no spouse. She’s a a woman. Not a man.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I didn't learn until I was 40. Changed my life around. I got rid if people, started going to AA everyday and changed who I was.

[@95mudshovel]

my dad once asked me if I regretted my addiction. I said no, it saved my life. I feel for this lady.

[@RayF6126]

The fact of your addiction is never going to change but your actions can. Sometimes, regret after a while holds you in that point of your life.

[@GameChanger597]

Addiction threatened your life and you lived in spite of it. Addiction is never a safe way out. I'm glad you don't regret your mistakes because regret is a terrible place to be but let's not romanticize the trauma, disassociation, and destruction that addiction is. Addiction is a noose of filth around its victims neck and a hopeless game of Russian Roulette

[@alicynwonderland6499]

This is in comparison of what could have happened, right? Like self deleting?

[@95mudshovel]

@@alicynwonderland6499 exactly. I didn't know any other ways to let the pressure out.

[@SL-pe5fz]

When he said, "you didn't waste anything, you survived." My eyes teared up. 😢 OMG that compassion and recognition and validation she never received nor gave herself just moved me.😭

[@mbw6785]

Same 😭

[@MarisaStone-tb9lq]

That made me cry too.

[@lisesolberg5301]

Monica told my story, almost exactly. I am 58 and have absolutely nothing to show for having lived this long.

[@spicybrown75]

You absolutely do...your lived life 😊😊

[@littlelam3691]

I’m 38 but pretty sure you are future me.

[@Pacifica74]

I feel like you most days even though I'm a believer in Christ. I comfort myself knowing that at death both the "haves" and the "have nots" become equal. Both can take nothing with them when they die. The ones who had the best of life has to offer will be forced to lay it down and leave it to the living.

[@mary-vb7fm]

Same boat as you, only I am turning 65. I did 32 years total 24/7 nursing, caring for both parents. How do I begin at this age?

[@RelaxWithDog]

How about volunteering? Meet people and do some good for the world@@mary-vb7fm

[@therocinante3443]

"20 year old Monica fought like hell for you." That made the hair on my arms stand up.

[@candiwarner3544]

I just want to give this woman a warm hug. And tell her she is NOT pathetic. God bless her 🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷

[@sakitoby1581]

She told about all these bad decisions she made...but this woman got sober, and has maintained it. For DECADES. That's a GREAT decision. She's lost 65 lbs. That's laudable too. She's not giving herself enough credit. I think she's done a lot of things right. I wish I could give her a hug. Dr. Delony is so compassionate. I love the guy. Best wishes to you, Ms. Monica. God bless you, sweetheart. You are OK.

[@lilly8803]

I’m 26, but didn’t realize I was going to relate to this so much.

[@devin3607]

Nah. You're still young lol

[@talyahr3302]

Same. Hello fellow 26 year old. Cheers to making our next many years an improvement

[@supernova11711]

I don’t know how I feel about this advice. Childhood trauma never goes away. NEVER. Many people can’t afford therapy but even if you can, it basically just gives you coping mechanisms. They can be helpful but don’t necessarily heal anything. I’m pretty sure some things just CAN’T be healed. Telling someone they have to “love themselves” or “who will love you if you don’t even love yourself” can be damaging in my opinion. It makes the person feel worse. They give up because they’ve done ALL the things and maybe even started to feel better for a while but then things started piling up again (because that’s what happens. We never “lose” anything, only accumulate more and more things to deal with) and then everything comes crashing back down. I didn’t date in my 20’s at all and hardly at all into my mid 30’s. Why? Because I didn’t “love myself”. I knew I didn’t and so figured it would be a waste of time. Did the therapy, bought my own place, did all of the things I was supposed to and guess what? Not much changed on the inside. Eventually, in my late 30’s, I said f*ck it. I’m never going to love myself. Still, I shouldn’t have to suffer a life of solitude just because I struggle. I’ll just find someone else like me. So I started dating. I’m now going to be 42 (in about two weeks). I got married 4 months ago. He definitely DOES love me. I’m (contrary to another popular belief) even 100% able to love him back! I’ll always be damaged but…maybe that’s okay. Maybe I deserve to be loved anyway. Just the way I am. Right where I’m at NOW. Being single as you age doesn’t make you a loser but it does make things harder for most people. Even if you DO have kids, they grow up and move away. You can’t live for the 3 times a year you might get to see them. Your partner is who you have! They’re the ones who enrich your life every day and make it bearable. So I say, screw what everyone else says and do what feels right to you. This lady doesn’t want to be alone so she should try to change that. And the older you get the harder it gets and you think you have nothing to offer anymore but…none of that is true. Age doesn’t matter and it’s NEVER too late. People of all ages are looking for partners and not all men want younger women. That’s a myth too. You are ALWAYS going to be beautiful to someone. So go out and find that person if that’s what you want.

[@texuztweety]

Amazing advice and I agree entirely. Thank you for your story❤❤

[@sosanosa08]

I’m sooo glad you said this. I hope Monica reads your post, it’s very important and more helpful. ❤

[@ashleypiper2558]

I agree. When I met my now husband, I definitely did not love myself. I was coming out of addiction and my life was messy. But he loved me anyway. He didn’t care about my past, he loved me. And I loved him despite not feeling great about myself. We have been married for 12 years now and have one daughter and a baby on the way. People are capable of loving others even if they don’t feel much love towards themselves.

[@chaz7604]

I love this. Sometimes I feel like we are all supposed to be perfect (whatever that is) before we are capable of having relationships, but the right relationships can be the healing you need. Especially when your traumas are relational based. In this case, loving yourself is exactly what you did. You knew you were deserving of love as you were. Maybe that attitude shone through and thereby you found the love which you desired. ❤

[@supernova11711]

@@chaz7604 😊❤️

[@snOags]

Monica, you sound like a beautiful soul. Keep on trucking and just make little improvements each day. Keep being strong

[@sarahw.mcelyea5655]

John, I'm starting school in January to become a nurse. I'm 51. (I have a lot of hours of college without finishing anything, because my husband told me I can not work outside the home unless it was with him or at the school where my children attend. .. The youngest is now 21.) .. I'm going for something I know I will love.

[@AutismJourney_BeKind]

The story about John’s mom is so inspiring !! It’s amazing what she accomplished. Definitely motivated me. Monica, I wish you the best. You got this. Thank you for sharing.

[@ilovefefi]

Monica you’re a superhero! You’re a survivor and you deserve credit for everything you’ve accomplished: sobriety, losing about 60 lbs, being fighting abuse and depression, etc. Surround yourself with supportive people and enjoy the rest of your life sweetie. You have a life to live.

[@shannonross3586]

Thank you for posting this and thank you Monica for being vulnerable! I needed to hear this!!

[@benhughes4493]

Jesus Heals the broken hearted ! Luke 4:18, Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted….”

[@addiskassa5165]

Amen

[@tricialeach1125]

I never watch the KZbin show (podcast audio only), but halfway through this call and had to come here to KZbin to say I wish I could give Monica a hug. She sounds amazing, strong, smart, and resourceful. Take care and be kind to yourself Monica.

[@NealBurkard-ut1oo]

Monica is the most respectable call in I've heard yet. I hope she can find that love for herself but completely understand what she meant when she asked "how?". I wish i knew that answer.

[@TCAPRecipes]

This hits home for me. Wasted my 20s and 30s. So far, I've recovered it at 40. By the grace of God I hope it's not too late.

[@ninaunderdue1430]

It's not

[@bigt4135]

Same here. 41, feels too late.

[@daphblue]

Poor Monica. Try to leave NYC and you might find peace you didn’t know could exist. I know it’s hard to get out of leases and jobs and build something new, but I think she’d really benefit from spending time in calmer areas and walking away from the corporate hustle. She is alone, but she doesn’t have kids or a spouse tied to their own obligations and lives.

[@IAMHERE486]

She can move to another part of New York State.

[@em77775]

I've heard NYC has been so miserable since the pandemic. So many have been fleeing.

[@daphblue]

I agree. Actually, kids from my high school went on a trip there in October and literally the first 10 minutes that they were walking on the street, someone got stabbed right in front of them. I know that’s not a super common occurrence and probably just bad timing, but still.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Yeah, there's no way you can find peace in New York City.

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

The connection between Dr. D and Monica was really profound and beautiful. I feel really positive about Monica's future, and this segment also gives me hope for better days for myself.

[@ma_ncube]

Dr Delony is amazing at his job! You’ve got this, Monica!

[@bunniewood]

The story about John’s mom is crazy. I had no idea there were places in America that still stopped women from getting an education. In so many ways America is like a 3rd world country

[@Alex-qx4qw]

His mom is in her 70s so it was a long time ago but yes still crazy. Very uncommon now in USA but certain religious sects still don’t want women to have any agency or independence.

[@italkgory99]

@@Alex-qx4qwthat’s really depressing to hear. That sucks. I’m glad his mom is doing well now

[@anared1990]

I wish someone good came into her life that can help her see how special she is. She has overcome so much. You're a fighter Monica. Don't give up. Look into a mirror and she how amazing and how lucky you are. Change your outlook on life.

[@lourdest6171]

Wish he didn't interrupt so much and just allow the caller to talk.

[@Girlgonewise]

Yeah, that was really annoying. He tries so hard to be a ‘saviour’ to people (women In particular) who wrecked their own lives.

[@mirabella2154]

@@Girlgonewise This caller didn't wreck her own life. What a stupid and arrogant thing to say to someone who went through the horrific stuff she went through.

[@aaronkelley3865]

@@mirabella2154 Nah. She wrecked her own life.

[@Alex-qx4qw]

@@aaronkelley3865yeah cause it was totally her fault that she was abused as a child 🤡 idiot.

[@mirabella2154]

No, she didn't. You'd wish to have her resilience. She is going to thrive.@@aaronkelley3865

[@shamailaahmad211]

These are the realest sessions ❤. Monica sending you much love ❤️ May your heart heal & feel happy ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ you're a courageous person!

[@stevieray7203]

Monica, I feel ya girl! We survived and healed (still working on it) and didn’t continue the cycle 💛🙏🏻

[@whitneyw.7919]

Before people write super sexist comments, men also have this awakening. I personally actually know a few men who are hitting even just 40 and are desperate, regretful and dreadful because they never found a mate because they have psychological problems they won’t address or made super bad decisions and it’s dawning on them that they will likely never have children. This is not a gender thing, every person should think of what they want their life to be like and build towards that in their 20s 30s 40s

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Absolutely!✌️❤️

[@bigt4135]

I’m a 41 year old male. Definitely hit me. I never really dated. I’ve only been with 2 women and that was 18 years ago.

[@therealsandraweise]

This is so many women and men. We feel for little kids that are harmed... but then they grow up. Then we think coping behaviors are fair game for our judgment. We all can do better about being more tender with each other. So proud of Monica.

[@talyahr3302]

I love how you put this.

[@jg-xx8oh]

Hey I’m a Male 56 no kids not married 🇨🇦 let’s meet lol I know how you feel! It plays on your mind and you feel like you missed the dance or party! and at times gets you down. Ty needed to hear this.

[@boston312]

Go to the Philippines or Thailand. Plenty of men your age and older are starting families out there

[@digthewarmth]

@@boston312 Terrible solution. You should figure out what you really want to do in your life, not just start a family, and at any means, cause others did it.

[@jg-xx8oh]

@@digthewarmth you are so right thank you

[@CrowTRobot618]

​@@digthewarmthAgreed- terrible advice from guy saying to go marry a Thai or Filipino woman just to have a wife. I have a sneaking suspicion most men who do this are predators seeking a housemaid who has to put out or get out.

[@santafilipina9020]

@@boston312we don’t want anymore middle aged men bringing their issues to the Philippines. Get thee to therapy.

[@boston312]

We all die alone no matter how many people surround us on the death bed. Before being dependent upon anyone else we must learn to love ourselves first. As an introvert i embrace my alone time and solitude.

[@consciousnessevo2012]

Sad

[@Jesussaveme85]

That is so true. You can be married and die alone as well as have 10 kids and die alone. Alone to me is a state of mind. I enjoy being introvert, it a peace like no other. Have a blessed day my fellow introvert. 😊

[@a.marvellehoneyman4560]

Supernaturally we are with those from the other side.

[@j.mcdonald5593]

The way he speaks to this lady brought me to tears. She even in the moment realizes she was just in survival mode running from the trauma. God bless your work man! Monica stay strong chica! Lots of things probably brought to surface keep working through them! Thankyou both for sharing this ! ❤❤

[@SouthernPioneer1965]

She needs to forgive herself that 20 yr old Monica , she also needs to stop thinking the was the reason she got abused . This is the real problem. She is punishing herself over and over because over time she thinks it’s her fault for the abuse . So she believes she is broken, and doesn’t deserve the happiness. I pray she seeks more help through counseling more than just this show.

[@NealBurkard-ut1oo]

Exactly! She should write a letter to the little girl that was abused

[@jaaxoon]

“There is no moving past, there is no better place, there is no future point in time.” Lyrics from a Nine Inch Nails song that helped me when I felt despair for the past. Because after all, the only true experience is now.

[@jesussaves8965]

Please don't despair; God loves you (and so do I)! He loved you so much that He gave His life on the cross so that you could be forgiven and have eternal life with Him! He rose again, proving that He is true and faithful and worthy of our trust. Being loved by God is far better than any other "love" this world has to offer! Love & prayers, from a friend

[@IbrahimMuhammad_114]

I think most 56 year old women in NYC are in her exact position. Single and just trying to make ends meet.

[@GalaxyFluke]

I feel this one. I’m 36 female. Really want husband and children. Luckily I’m in good shape and great career just wish my job was at home mom.

[@xxhshrebyba]

at home mom is so out of reach now a days 😢

[@sherridevries9144]

My daughter wants that so bad too. I really hope she finds someone who loves her.

[@MT-yx5cu]

​@@sherridevries9144i hope she changes her mind.

[@mikedelgado8460]

This is now probably my favorite and most helpful youtube video of all time!

[@geral2243]

Thats why you should think about the things you really want in life, not just things that everyone is doing and you feel like you should do it because its "normal".

[@Margarita_mom]

Monica, you are not alone. We are survivors and worthy of love and peace. 🙏🏻

[@missymurphy9996]

I understand how this woman feels. I’m 58 never married, had one child. My life has been a trainwreck. Seen several counselors. Nothing has stuck. I’m out of options. All I have left is my Faith…

[@katella]

​@@BRANDONMICHAELCATRONyou have no clue. Stay in your lane.

[@maureenkinsey5320]

@missmurphy9996, I recently watched YT videos regarding trauma. The Crappy Childhood Fairy has a Daily Practice that is free and easy to start that builds on faith in yourself. In sum and I paraphrase, you list fears you feel or have and then you list resentment that you feel fears that you listed. You humbly ask your Higher Power to remove the fear and resentments you listed and to guide your actions for that day. You sign that request to your Higher Power. Then you discard your lists. She then meditates for 20 minutes repeating a word that is meaningful to her. I also enjoyed some of Heidi Priese videos on trauma. It seems that many choices we make are actually trauma responses. I hope sharing this information regarding trauma or healing ideas may inspire or assist you in some way. Blessings.

[@6thgen002]

Im a grown ass man, about to cry. Im sad that Monica had to go through this but im happy cause she found the courage to look for help and i know she will pull through. Now im going to pretend i never watched this video and play some call of duty.

[@shachede6828]

Addiction is really a crazy thing, addiction with sexual abuse is just really hell. She is actually good to no have kids, because bringing a kid into such situations would have been worse. There are many people that have crazy lives and are selfish to marry and bring kids into the chaos.

[@TheGeekMonster]

I can relate to much of this. Abusive, dysfunctional, screwed up childhood and family. Terrible bullying at school. Self injury at 14 and was hospitalized. Tons of terrible decisions and relationships for many years as a result. Never had a good relationship with my dad, and have had to carefully manage my relationship with my mom. My brother has no relationship with me. Spent many years as a single mom, completely abandoned by my son's father. I watched all my dreams crumbling as a young adult. I lived for my son and worked hard. Struggled with depression, anxiety, and keeping a healthy weight. I got married in my 30's to a man who I believed was everything I ever wanted and needed and waited for. That fell apart a decade later, and I was so depressed and drained and empty, I didn't know why I was even living anymore. My life felt like one big, empty, sad, lonely betrayal and failure. Now I'm in my mid 40's, I finally got my college degree, I have a decent job, I worked my way out of debt, my son is grown. But I am still completely alone. I'm very introverted, men don't notice me. The few men who've expressed interest in me, I am not attracted to. My future just looks like a big, empty, lonely void. My dad is gone, my mom will be gone one day, my son will leave the nest, and I've got nobody around me. As a middle aged woman, there is so little feeling of being "attractive", because your youth is gone. Your body is just aging more and more every day. I think I'm smart, funny, caring, interesting, talented, loving, affectionate, creative. But what does that matter when you aren't "pretty"? Who's going to want me now? I worry that I'm going to get old and die without ever knowing true love, and that breaks my heart.

[@TheEblenRealestateTeam]

Dr. Delony is so sweet! Monica you are amazing & you got this!

[@GameOnShanny]

I wish i could talk to Dr John. I wish I could find love but idk how. Im 32 and i feel like i wasted my life too. I feel so behind. My sister is married and my niece is married im not close

[@JustBree716]

I'm 44 and I feel that way too. 32 is a good age. Hopefully u can seek counseling and get a grasp on this before your 42. Best wishes boo❤

[@Alex-qx4qw]

Call the show! Would be interesting to hear this discussion because it’s a very common problem now.

[@GameOnShanny]

@JustBree716 that's the thing I'm getting counseling :( when does the show air? I will call but I never catch it live only KZbin

[@HizJohnnyShinning]

It hurts reading these messages from people who clearly didn’t listen to this episode.

[@lucindabreeding]

Team Red Pill only needs the sound of a woman’s voice and a keyboard. They don’t ever have to listen, and forget empathy.

[@marthajackson1388]

​@@lucindabreedingWhat does being red pill has to do with anyone that went thru such a trauma?

[@MT-yx5cu]

​​@@marthajackson1388im assuming she's referring to some of the red pill men who like to "attempt" to insult women over 30 by saying they hit the wall if they aren't married and chose to actually have fun as single women in their 20s. Sadly, the title of this episode will definitely bring those type of bitter men to the comment section before they even watch the video.

[@marthajackson1388]

@@MT-yx5cu It certainly difficult to navigate dating scenes at an older age. There is also a growing culture among men to avoid marriage specifically and even commitment in general.

[@MT-yx5cu]

@@marthajackson1388 difficulty navigating the dating scene at an older age is a thing; however, it's a thing for women and men. You are also right about the growing culture of men avoiding marriage and commitment. I've been noticing lately that a lot of women are bringing attention to the disadvantages of being married and having kids also. Eventually, marriage will probably become obsolete 😄.

[@Pacifica74]

How dare anyone look down on people because they don't "measure up". We're ALL surviving this cursed thing called life. We're ALL surviving it. Hats off to you if you've got it good, but give grace to those who don't. In fact, admire them because they are surviving it with less than what you've got!

[@natela_mk]

Just because she has the best excuse for having struggling with addiction and avoidance doesn't mean those behaviours are not "pathetic." SHE is not pathetic, but she is valid in feeling that some of her decisions have been pathetic. She is right to want to name it and turn her life around. If you justify and celebrate her coping mechanisms unnecessarily, it will keep her stuck. John, with the best of intentions, is teaching her hopelessness. Yes, bad things happened, yes, shitty coping mechanisms were employed, yes, she can name them and feel things about them in retrospect, yes, she can choose a completely different life going forward, by taking honest inventory and coming up with small, actionable steps towards that life, earning tremendous self-respect and exercising forgiveness and self-love along the way.

[@kounterklokwize]

I just wanna say and give encouragement to Monica… she is a F’in ROCKSTAR!!!… all things work together! I am an addict of alcohol - super high functioning as well. Like no one knew but a lot of legal trouble but I felt the same way… though on paper you would think I should be happy. She is a rockstar and nothing is wasted. Dr. J is also a Rockstar. I wish I could chat and share my story which will be on soft white underbelly soon (shameless plug) lol but she is amazing!!!!

[@RahmaSheikh]

Such a beautiful story about your mother, sometimes we underestimate how long life is! How much we can still achieve!

[@natevankoevering2423]

I feel really sad for her I truly hope she stays clean and does the things she needs to. Your life has value, keep your eyes on your goals.

[@britanny5363ify]

Refreshing to hear this. Only bc so many of the callers to this show and other Ramsey personals are from married ppl with kids. There’s a lot of different types of paths out there.

[@vikker8274]

Excellent point. Add that if you are FEMALE, the majority of churches treat you as less than if you aren’t a mom or grandma.

[@musicessexx]

Idk about how John handled this call. Im kinda in the same situation as her just younger, I think she wanted some tangible advice on how to move forward from here. She did not need a pep talk about her past which I’m sure she’s moved on from many years ago.

[@dis.infectant]

Yeah... I get the feeling she didn't call in for free reading material.

[@melaniea4901]

As a recovering addict I can relate. People that don’t understand addiction think I’m crazy when I say cocaine saved my life. It numbed me. Without it I probably wouldn’t be here. Coming up on 30 years on March 21. It’s really easy to judge others until you walk in their shoes. 🙏

[@kekejefferson9219]

Your still alive, healthy, and your voice is energetic. You can always get married and get a trade or education to find a better job. Congrats on staying clean.

[@jasonbourne5142]

If only she knew the truth about the gospel. Therapy can only go so far.

[@WH2012]

To Monica: *A few initial thoughts*: 1. GET OUT of New York! - 2. Remember: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." 3. Take MASSIVE ACTION, no matter WHAT it is! Pick ONE THING and DO IT with COMPLETE commitment. 4. Take up WALKING - short walks, long walks, just DO THEM! 5. EAT CLEAN. NO processed/packaged/fast food. You'll save money and feel better. ** Also, DOPAMINE receptors need a re-set! Start accomplishing small tasks and build into bigger tasks. This will re-set your sense of motivation and spur you on to ever better things. You've been hard enough on yourself all of these years. It's a good time to give yourself the freedom to move on. All the best to you, and you've got this. Looking forward to your update story on this channel!

[@jramsey108]

One of the best calls I have had the privilege to listen to, kudos to Monica and Dr. John.

[@natela_mk]

She can't like Monica. She needs to earn her own respect. Teach her about actionable goals. She won't just shift into loving herself, she needs action to make sense of the reframing he's trying to achieve here.

[@zachwallace8274]

Oh my God Deloney, let her talk bro.

[@Cyblps]

Monica, I am in my 50s. I am going back to school to find a different career. Just when I thought I have had enough trials and traumas to fill one’s life, I lost my husband of 20 years. I have to do something different, so I can live the next 30 plus of my life with my young daughter.I don’t have everything figured out yet. I thought I did.

[@maureenkinsey5320]

I recently watched YT videos regarding trauma. The Crappy Childhood Fairy has a Daily Practice that is free and easy to start that builds on faith in yourself. In sum and I paraphrase, you list fears you feel or have and then you list resentment that you feel fears that you listed. You humbly ask your Higher Power to remove the fear and resentments you listed and to guide your actions for that day. You sign that request to your Higher Power. Then you discard your lists. She then meditates for 20 minutes repeating a word that is meaningful to her. I also enjoyed some of Heidi Priese videos on trauma. It seems that many choices we make are actually trauma responses. I hope sharing this information regarding trauma or healing ideas may inspire or assist you in some way. Blessings.

[@elyse443]

Drugs/alcohol addiction is a serious disease that ruins lives in so many ways 😢 And child abuse is usually the trigger of it.

[@WH2012]

Martha Stewart was in her 50's when she became extraordinarily successful! There are many women and men who have become wealthy in their mid-life and well beyond.

[@addiskassa5165]

Yes, you are so right!!!

[@ruthirwin8222]

My heart breaks for this lady, there is a special 0lace in hell for people who abuse innocent children, i really believe that

[@franklincheney3653]

Thanks for giving so much to Monica! Hope she calls back a year from now!

[@rz8753]

This was a powerful episode , thank you Dr. John ❤

[@lisalister8002]

Dr. J. is right up there with all of the great psychologist.

[@bplayerr1]

Younger women: marriage and kids don't define a woman 🤬🤬🤬 Older woman: Im pathetic bc I have no man no kids 😭😭😭😭

[@pattiwassman8703]

It really does make it hard to listen because it seems like the caller gets interrupted before they even get three words out of their mouth

[@charlotteboyett-napper4780]

No it’s not ok to keep interrupting. That is so annoying.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

Tell Monica airlines ARE hiring mature flight attendants. Years of experience dealing with the public, maturity & wisdom are ASSETS to airlines!

[@ameliasmith8095]

I am 77 and you helped me. Go Monica, I am cheering you on. You’ve got answers now.

[@freespiritwithnature4384]

Monica, I'm so sorry that you went through that abuse. I do understand, and it's so hard. We keep it in . I'm super proud of you getting sober . I wish I lived close to you,I think we'd be great friends. You sound like a beautiful person. Your spirit is precious. New chapter in your life. One day at a time . I lost my covid weight with keto. It's works. My mom is 85 as well. You're swimming against the current. I have been where you are. You deserve to be loved,but it starts with loving Monica and letting the old Monica go. ❤ Michele 🇨🇦.

[@Emy53]

She never settled in a relationship, and is alone, and wants a relationship so she doesn't die alone.....this is what I am hearing. I didn't date after my husband died, but I do not feel I am "alone". I have family, great friends. She will be with friends and people who love her.

[@RuthJosten]

I agree. She used the word pathetic and was interrupted numerous times to be corrected that she was not. She does not want to be alone. John’s supportive words and offer of resources are great….but I just wonder if she felt completely heard.

[@shadeekamendez1743]

*I WISH THIS WOMAN SO MUCH WELL, IT IS UNBELIEVABLE*

[@SashaLawrence-ns3vv]

Its soo hard when you dont have family members cheering you on. You take less chances and live smaller when building through trauma. Johns mom has done amazing because her squad was behind her..

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I have a family who's dysfunctional and couldn't turn to them. I got sober with the help of the good Lord almost 20 years ago.

[@maureenkinsey5320]

I recently watched YT videos regarding trauma. The Crappy Childhood Fairy has a Daily Practice that is free and easy to start that builds on faith in yourself. In sum and I paraphrase, you list fears you feel or have and then you list resentment that you feel fears that you listed. You humbly ask your Higher Power to remove the fear and resentments you listed and to guide your actions for that day. You sign that request to your Higher Power. Then you discard your lists. She then meditates for 20 minutes repeating a word that is meaningful to her. I also enjoyed some of Heidi Priese videos on trauma. It seems that many choices we make are actually trauma responses. I hope sharing this information regarding trauma or healing ideas may inspire or assist you in some way. Blessings.

[@lsf71]

Don't sing John, dont sing 🤦‍♀️

[@sarahalderman3126]

This resonates with me so closely in so many ways, yet so different in others. I also experienced many years of sexual abuse within my family. My older cousins first and then my bil... fast forward 20 years and it is my husband who has brought it all back into my life. I made different choices, I do have children and a husband, but I feel exactly the same. That my life has been wasted, failed. I learned of my husband's betrayal a little over a year ago, then came the long list of deceptions. So much deception, not intending to hurt me and only hurts because I am already broken. He isn't a bad man, but I am still hurt. I feel like I have no choice anymore. It is too late.

[@maureenkinsey5320]

I recently watched YT videos regarding trauma. The Crappy Childhood Fairy has a Daily Practice that is free and easy to start that builds. In sum and I paraphrase, you list fears you feel or have and then you list resentment that you feel fears that you listed. You humbly ask your Higher Power to remove the fear and resentments you listed and to guide your actions for that day. You sign that request to your Higher Power. Then you discard your lists. CCF then meditates for 20 minutes repeating a word that is meaningful to her. I also enjoyed some of Heidi Priese videos on trauma related topics. It seems that many actions we take are trauma responses. I hope sharing this information regarding trauma and healing ideas may inspire or assist you in some way. Blessings.

[@billyb4790]

We can't live our lives based on fear of how it ends.

[@ae3209]

I wish the me of today could hug little me 🥺 Monica, little you made it to today the only way she knew how. Be proud of her and hold her hand as you enter a new era of your life. You've got to do this for that little girl inside you.

[@janinesheaffer4713]

This made me cry! Awesome advice! Monica you've got this!

[@margarettrio9480]

Please find Jesus, he will bring you so much peace and a friend you can trust. He's all you need.

[@PorcelainLeigh]

Not to make light of anything, serious issues, much respect. But I smile and crack up every time Dr. John sings!

[@natasabrandt21]

I've listened to almost all episodes, but this one is simply my favorite. John is amazing wit her...🤩

[@mikeyz131]

This call must have lifted a lot off her. I like that she took the step in seeking help and I hope she’ll be able to look back at this video in a year and see progress in her journey

[@curiouslyme524]

Dr. Delony is a good man. He really cares about people.

[@reginasemenenko148]

Monica, you were trying to survive, sweetheart. It's very hard to try to get ahead and take care of yourself as an adult when so much was taken from you. Be kind to yourself. You are muc& more important than the job you do. Almost everyone has made bad decisions.