I Don’t Want to Die Alone (What Should I Do?)

[@subjecttochrist]

I am gathering that sexual abuse on minors happens more than most people realize. So tragic. Protect your children!!

[@alluringbliss4165]

Many are ashamed and others are chided by their own family members. I am from the West Indies, a mother had to prove by setting up a camera right before it occurred. The people from the community blamed the mother. It’s really bad.

[@subjecttochrist]

@@alluringbliss4165 wow. Lord have mercy! Keep your eyes on Jesus

[@Neverender3367]

One in three children are sexually abused. That stat has bothered me for over twenty years. Sadly I don't think much has changed for the better..

[@maam-yj8ph]

This reality is completely lost on the manosphere. The only ones who sometimes get it were sadly among the children also molested.

[@subjecttochrist]

@@Neverender3367 wow. Brutal. When I look into my childrens’ eyes, I sometimes think of how terrible it is for children to be abused by the hands of those meant to protect them, and then I thank God for the opportunity to be the dad that I didn’t have when I grew up… since my dad was not really in the picture. Children are so dependent. Such a violation when someone hurts them. It’s heartbreaking.

[@Mike-bs5xi]

I’m starting to understand that people we call messed up in society had some kind of abuse in their life in childhood.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Absolutely correct

[@mbw6785]

Yes

[@MTLV100]

It’s almost a given. 99% of the time childhood trauma is the cause of most dysfunction in adulthood. Watch soft white underbelly

[@socol76]

Look up Dr. Gabor Mate

[@KSL909]

Yes. The interviews on the KZbin channel Soft White Underbelly really reveal this.

[@gwendolineswanepoel4318]

"You did not waste anything, you survived" 😢😥💔I heard that...❤️💐Thank you...

[@devin3607]

Lol. Take that to the grave... alone

[@gravelor78]

Both.

[@AmandaJ86]

I needed to hear that.

[@sakitoby1581]

She told about all these bad decisions she made...but this woman got sober, and has maintained it. For DECADES. That's a GREAT decision. She's lost 65 lbs. That's laudable too. She's not giving herself enough credit. I think she's done a lot of things right. I wish I could give her a hug. Dr. Delony is so compassionate. I love the guy. Best wishes to you, Ms. Monica. God bless you, sweetheart. You are OK.

[@IslemTav]

I think many of us needed this call! I’m rebuilding my life now after being married to a mentally abusive person. I’m in my 40s and feel unstoppable. I’m in college pursuing a whole new career. Thanks and praise be to God!

[@jasminebarratt1809]

Well done, thanks for the inspiration : )

[@JB-pd3ir]

Wonderful! 😊 Love hearing the story! 🥰

[@AmandaJ86]

So proud of you ❤

[@wendybryan6071]

It's healthy to take credit for your accomplishments. God is a myth.

[@bernadettehuff2984]

Wow, You are together, you haven't had a drink in 20 years, and you lost 75 lbs. Most people can't do half of that or even one of these things. You are just in a bad slump, you are a amazing person.

[@95mudshovel]

my dad once asked me if I regretted my addiction. I said no, it saved my life. I feel for this lady.

[@RayF6126]

The fact of your addiction is never going to change but your actions can. Sometimes, regret after a while holds you in that point of your life.

[@GameChanger597]

Addiction threatened your life and you lived in spite of it. Addiction is never a safe way out. I'm glad you don't regret your mistakes because regret is a terrible place to be but let's not romanticize the trauma, disassociation, and destruction that addiction is. Addiction is a noose of filth around its victims neck and a hopeless game of Russian Roulette

[@alicynwonderland6499]

This is in comparison of what could have happened, right? Like self deleting?

[@95mudshovel]

@@alicynwonderland6499 exactly. I didn't know any other ways to let the pressure out.

[@andrewheffel3565]

Wretched childhood here. Drunken, drug filled twenties. In my late twenties, out of desperation, I turned to God, dropped my druggie friends, and made new friends at a church I started attending. Slowly I began to heal. I began to forgive myself. Now, at 70, I still have issues, but God has given me a good life, I am married to a good woman, have two successful, happy sons, and I love my life. God can heal you.

[@cutehumor]

Amazing how people bash God and the church. you are an example of how God can change your life!

[@silviasteinbacher7230]

Amen! Praise our Lord Jesus Christ ❤️

[@marianemashkalo4182]

Good for you! It's amazing. Could have done it as an atheist too, you might have replaced addictions-faith instead of substances. But whatever works. Don't take this comment as negative, it's just speculation. Sending love

[@Jennifer-fk8kb]

I think what John is seriously missing here is that there are certain things missed here that this woman can’t get now and that’s children. This really hits people as they get older. Comparing his mother who didn’t go to college (many people didn’t) and went to college later in life and then got a good job … just not the same as someone who suffered sexual abuse and spent half their former years when most women are building their future drinking away the pain. I sometimes feel like John is on another planet. She might be pumped up for a bit after this talk … but all the fluff will wear off pretty fast. What may really help her in life is finding a life partner to caring out the rest of her life with. John is talking to her like she’s a man and will be happy with achieve financial independence…. And while that can Help for women it won’t solve the loneliness of no family and no spouse. She’s a a woman. Not a man.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I didn't learn until I was 40. Changed my life around. I got rid if people, started going to AA everyday and changed who I was.

[@slaviapolandia7541]

At 72, my mom finally cut the cord from my (sometimes) abusive dad. At 72, she went to school to learn Italian and also joined a karate class to help with strength and weightloss. My mom feels more alive, happy and independent now than she ever did before. At 56, there is sooooo much you can still accomplish.

[@HazelGrey.]

It’s rarely about the age but about how can we possibly afford it doing what for money.

[@curiouslyme524]

​@@HazelGrey.Exactly. I want to go beck to school but I can't because I have to work full-time to support myself.

[@Neverender3367]

Monica is braver than she will ever know. I will keep Monica in my prayers..

[@SL-pe5fz]

When he said, "you didn't waste anything, you survived." My eyes teared up. 😢 OMG that compassion and recognition and validation she never received nor gave herself just moved me.😭

[@mbw6785]

Same 😭

[@MarisaStone-tb9lq]

That made me cry too.

[@jdudefun1755]

This call was deep. Thank you Monica for having the courage to reach out. Many of us needed this. Thank you John, for helping Monica, and actually helping millions of people through this call.

[@arlenefisher1164]

Exactly, I'm going to write myself some letters too.

[@cmadison7591]

I just ordered the book 🎉

[@andrephillips7764]

It’s not courage, stop saying everything is courageous. It was great she call but not a big deal

[@0i0l0o]

​@@andrephillips77641. You are wrong. 2. Even you were right, do not be an asshole

[@barbarak2836]

I had tears in my eyes.

[@melissam7067]

Thank you Monica for having the courage to call in with such a vulnerable question. Lot of us feel the same or similar.

[@lisesolberg5301]

Monica told my story, almost exactly. I am 58 and have absolutely nothing to show for having lived this long.

[@spicybrown75]

You absolutely do...your lived life 😊😊

[@littlelam3691]

I’m 38 but pretty sure you are future me.

[@Pacifica74]

I feel like you most days even though I'm a believer in Christ. I comfort myself knowing that at death both the "haves" and the "have nots" become equal. Both can take nothing with them when they die. The ones who had the best of life has to offer will be forced to lay it down and leave it to the living.

[@mary-vb7fm]

Same boat as you, only I am turning 65. I did 32 years total 24/7 nursing, caring for both parents. How do I begin at this age?

[@ttthaiss]

How about volunteering? Meet people and do some good for the world@@mary-vb7fm

[@socialglitch2663]

I think you’re extremely brave, Monica. Your life isn’t a story of failure but an ode to survival and inner fortitude, with all the decks stacked against you. It may not help but you have a story to tell, should you choose to, and there’s inspiration in it. Keep looking forward. As long as we’re still breathing, the future is still being written.

[@shamailaahmad211]

❤

[@AB-se2st]

This comment! 💯❤

[@ashleypiper2558]

Beautifully said. ❤ I agree 100%

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

So very true.

[@candiwarner3544]

I just want to give this woman a warm hug. And tell her she is NOT pathetic. God bless her 🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷

[@sallyprzybil2404]

John, you should have your mom on as a guest and interview her. I grew up in an abusive home too, I’m older than she is, but that was childhood and far, far behind me. Those people are gone and can’t touch me ever. I was told that because I was a girl I couldn’t go to college. My parents not only refused to pay for college they refused to fill out any paperwork for scholarships. So I did it myself, I joined the Army, which got me ‘disowned’, but it paid for my college. I also worked through college, they refused to teach me to drive, so I went to college on the bus every day, even in the dead of Chgo winters. I have a degree, even taught in college. My family died off, at age 48 I found I was alone, parents died, brothers, died, husband died, and my one daughter lived 2000 miles away. I had no one. I wanted family. Online dating just didn’t do it. So at age 49, as a single woman I adopted a 6 year old child. Yes she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and had many intellectual and emotional issues, but I was blessed to have her, we are family. Then in HS she got pregnant and was intellectually and emotionally unable to take care of the baby. She had tried, but abandoned him with me when he was about a month old. Since then I have got legal custody, then eventually adopted him. He’s now 6, I’m 69, a ‘mom’ again. I’m not saying this to say that I’m better than her, I’m not. What I’m saying is that it’s all in the choices we make. Don’t let long past abuses and past issues stop you from having a fulfilling life full of people to love. Let childhood abuse go, it’s past, behind you, and it’s gone. I’m happy, I have a family, complete with their set of problems, that I love. We laugh, we hug, we have fun. And yes, at times we struggle.

[@marygm1996]

Her problem isn’t the childhood abuse it’s the hating herself that doesn’t let her move forward. You can’t know what love is if all you’ve ever known is the opposite. Some people just need more empathy & compassion because your light probably wasn’t all the way dimmed out but hers probably was. You loved yourself enough to go after what you wanted. She believes she doesn’t deserve it so in return takes no action because she’s mentally & emotionally paralyzed. Her nervous system is compromised. Just like yours might be fight or flight & hers is in freeze mode.

[@sallyprzybil2404]

@@marygm1996 yes. I understand. She doesn’t deserve this. My change came in HS. I stopped talking. Not one word for about 4 months. Not one word. And you know what happened? No one noticed. Not one person. Not my parents, not my teachers at school, none of the other kids, not one person at church. It was a big ‘F you all moment’, a moment when I decided that I was just a good as anybody else, that I had just as much right to exist and be happy as anyone else. From that moment when I learned that no one else alive gave a ‘Flying F about me’. I decided that I cared about me, that I would not only make it in the world but also be successful. And that since these people that were suppose ‘to care’ about me didn’t, I no longer cared at all what any one of them thought or said about me. So talk about not having love. Love is a verb, it’s an action word, in other words someone can say they love you till they’re blue in the face but if they then turn around and hit you, assault you, scream insults at you, that’s not loving behavior, and they’re lying, they don’t really love you, they’re just blowing empty, useless words your way. You have every right to turn your back on them and just walk away.

[@khalayii]

Just stopping by to say.. you are amazing!! You did it. Keep rocking!

[@dk1828]

So much respect to you 🙌

[@lepolhart3242]

I`m sorry for what you went through - you`re a very strong, admirable person. You`re brave as a woman to go into the army especially as a woman in a very male dominated arena. Then adopt a disabled child - it was very kind of you to do so then adopt your grandchild. I`m sorry you lost your parents, husband, siblings at a young age. Your husband and siblings can`t have been old when they passed. It always saddens me when people pass away young. I`ve seen videos of people who are one of the few remaining people in their family still alive as their relatives had passed away young due to suicide, overdoses, alcoholism, cancer etc etc, one old lady only had 1 or 2 grandchildren left as most of her relatives had died due to suicide and cancer. It`s a cruel world we live in at times.

[@angelcare5969]

This was the best episode EVER! She should be proud of herself and she should be an example for everyone! And John's example of his mom is INCREDIBLE!!!!!

[@xyznumber123]

Thank you for this call, Monica. I had a rough life growing up, but we have the power to write our own story. Please start by building your community. Being single and without children isn't a bad thing at all! Big hugs.

[@ilovefefi]

Monica you’re a superhero! You’re a survivor and you deserve credit for everything you’ve accomplished: sobriety, losing about 60 lbs, being fighting abuse and depression, etc. Surround yourself with supportive people and enjoy the rest of your life sweetie. You have a life to live.

[@NealBurkard-ut1oo]

Monica is the most respectable call in I've heard yet. I hope she can find that love for herself but completely understand what she meant when she asked "how?". I wish i knew that answer.

[@lilly8803]

I’m 26, but didn’t realize I was going to relate to this so much.

[@devin3607]

Nah. You're still young lol

[@talyahr3302]

Same. Hello fellow 26 year old. Cheers to making our next many years an improvement

[@curiouslyme524]

Dr. Delony is a good man. He really cares about people.

[@therocinante3443]

"20 year old Monica fought like hell for you." That made the hair on my arms stand up.

[@Margarita_mom]

Monica, you are not alone. We are survivors and worthy of love and peace. 🙏🏻

[@j.mcdonald5593]

The way he speaks to this lady brought me to tears. She even in the moment realizes she was just in survival mode running from the trauma. God bless your work man! Monica stay strong chica! Lots of things probably brought to surface keep working through them! Thankyou both for sharing this ! ❤❤

[@therealsandraweise]

This is so many women and men. We feel for little kids that are harmed... but then they grow up. Then we think coping behaviors are fair game for our judgment. We all can do better about being more tender with each other. So proud of Monica.

[@talyahr3302]

I love how you put this.

[@tricialeach1125]

I never watch the KZbin show (podcast audio only), but halfway through this call and had to come here to KZbin to say I wish I could give Monica a hug. She sounds amazing, strong, smart, and resourceful. Take care and be kind to yourself Monica.

[@supernova11711]

I don’t know how I feel about this advice. Childhood trauma never goes away. NEVER. Many people can’t afford therapy but even if you can, it basically just gives you coping mechanisms. They can be helpful but don’t necessarily heal anything. I’m pretty sure some things just CAN’T be healed. Telling someone they have to “love themselves” or “who will love you if you don’t even love yourself” can be damaging in my opinion. It makes the person feel worse. They give up because they’ve done ALL the things and maybe even started to feel better for a while but then things started piling up again (because that’s what happens. We never “lose” anything, only accumulate more and more things to deal with) and then everything comes crashing back down. I didn’t date in my 20’s at all and hardly at all into my mid 30’s. Why? Because I didn’t “love myself”. I knew I didn’t and so figured it would be a waste of time. Did the therapy, bought my own place, did all of the things I was supposed to and guess what? Not much changed on the inside. Eventually, in my late 30’s, I said f*ck it. I’m never going to love myself. Still, I shouldn’t have to suffer a life of solitude just because I struggle. I’ll just find someone else like me. So I started dating. I’m now going to be 42 (in about two weeks). I got married 4 months ago. He definitely DOES love me. I’m (contrary to another popular belief) even 100% able to love him back! I’ll always be damaged but…maybe that’s okay. Maybe I deserve to be loved anyway. Just the way I am. Right where I’m at NOW. Being single as you age doesn’t make you a loser but it does make things harder for most people. Even if you DO have kids, they grow up and move away. You can’t live for the 3 times a year you might get to see them. Your partner is who you have! They’re the ones who enrich your life every day and make it bearable. So I say, screw what everyone else says and do what feels right to you. This lady doesn’t want to be alone so she should try to change that. And the older you get the harder it gets and you think you have nothing to offer anymore but…none of that is true. Age doesn’t matter and it’s NEVER too late. People of all ages are looking for partners and not all men want younger women. That’s a myth too. You are ALWAYS going to be beautiful to someone. So go out and find that person if that’s what you want.

[@texuztweety]

Amazing advice and I agree entirely. Thank you for your story❤❤

[@sosanosa08]

I’m sooo glad you said this. I hope Monica reads your post, it’s very important and more helpful. ❤

[@ashleypiper2558]

I agree. When I met my now husband, I definitely did not love myself. I was coming out of addiction and my life was messy. But he loved me anyway. He didn’t care about my past, he loved me. And I loved him despite not feeling great about myself. We have been married for 12 years now and have one daughter and a baby on the way. People are capable of loving others even if they don’t feel much love towards themselves.

[@chaz7604]

I love this. Sometimes I feel like we are all supposed to be perfect (whatever that is) before we are capable of having relationships, but the right relationships can be the healing you need. Especially when your traumas are relational based. In this case, loving yourself is exactly what you did. You knew you were deserving of love as you were. Maybe that attitude shone through and thereby you found the love which you desired. ❤

[@supernova11711]

@@chaz7604 😊❤️

[@sarahw.mcelyea5655]

John, I'm starting school in January to become a nurse. I'm 51. (I have a lot of hours of college without finishing anything, because my husband told me I can not work outside the home unless it was with him or at the school where my children attend. .. The youngest is now 21.) .. I'm going for something I know I will love.

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

The connection between Dr. D and Monica was really profound and beautiful. I feel really positive about Monica's future, and this segment also gives me hope for better days for myself.

[@snOags]

Monica, you sound like a beautiful soul. Keep on trucking and just make little improvements each day. Keep being strong

[@stevieray7203]

Monica, I feel ya girl! We survived and healed (still working on it) and didn’t continue the cycle 💛🙏🏻

[@anared1990]

I wish someone good came into her life that can help her see how special she is. She has overcome so much. You're a fighter Monica. Don't give up. Look into a mirror and she how amazing and how lucky you are. Change your outlook on life.

[@RahmaSheikh]

Such a beautiful story about your mother, sometimes we underestimate how long life is! How much we can still achieve!

[@ameliasmith8095]

I am 77 and you helped me. Go Monica, I am cheering you on. You’ve got answers now.

[@ma_ncube]

Dr Delony is amazing at his job! You’ve got this, Monica!

[@TCAPRecipes]

This hits home for me. Wasted my 20s and 30s. So far, I've recovered it at 40. By the grace of God I hope it's not too late.

[@ninaunderdue1430]

It's not

[@bigt4135]

Same here. 41, feels too late.

[@johannawatson4167]

This episode was so heartbreaking to hear. I wanted to reach through the phone to hug Monica. I am so happy that she survived her terrible childhood. It wasn't your fault, Monica. You are a true warrior.

[@mikedelgado8460]

This is now probably my favorite and most helpful youtube video of all time!

[@AutismJourney_BeKind]

The story about John’s mom is so inspiring !! It’s amazing what she accomplished. Definitely motivated me. Monica, I wish you the best. You got this. Thank you for sharing.

[@natevankoevering2423]

I feel really sad for her I truly hope she stays clean and does the things she needs to. Your life has value, keep your eyes on your goals.

[@shadeekamendez1743]

*I WISH THIS WOMAN SO MUCH WELL, IT IS UNBELIEVABLE*

[@TheGeekMonster]

I can relate to much of this. Abusive, dysfunctional, screwed up childhood and family. Terrible bullying at school. Self injury at 14 and was hospitalized. Tons of terrible decisions and relationships for many years as a result. Never had a good relationship with my dad, and have had to carefully manage my relationship with my mom. My brother has no relationship with me. Spent many years as a single mom, completely abandoned by my son's father. I watched all my dreams crumbling as a young adult. I lived for my son and worked hard. Struggled with depression, anxiety, and keeping a healthy weight. I got married in my 30's to a man who I believed was everything I ever wanted and needed and waited for. That fell apart a decade later, and I was so depressed and drained and empty, I didn't know why I was even living anymore. My life felt like one big, empty, sad, lonely betrayal and failure. Now I'm in my mid 40's, I finally got my college degree, I have a decent job, I worked my way out of debt, my son is grown. But I am still completely alone. I'm very introverted, men don't notice me. The few men who've expressed interest in me, I am not attracted to. My future just looks like a big, empty, lonely void. My dad is gone, my mom will be gone one day, my son will leave the nest, and I've got nobody around me. As a middle aged woman, there is so little feeling of being "attractive", because your youth is gone. Your body is just aging more and more every day. I think I'm smart, funny, caring, interesting, talented, loving, affectionate, creative. But what does that matter when you aren't "pretty"? Who's going to want me now? I worry that I'm going to get old and die without ever knowing true love, and that breaks my heart.

[@missymurphy9996]

I understand how this woman feels. I’m 58 never married, had one child. My life has been a trainwreck. Seen several counselors. Nothing has stuck. I’m out of options. All I have left is my Faith…

[@katella]

​@@BRANDONMICHAELCATRONyou have no clue. Stay in your lane.

[@maureenkinsey5320]

@missmurphy9996, I recently watched YT videos regarding trauma. The Crappy Childhood Fairy has a Daily Practice that is free and easy to start that builds on faith in yourself. In sum and I paraphrase, you list fears you feel or have and then you list resentment that you feel fears that you listed. You humbly ask your Higher Power to remove the fear and resentments you listed and to guide your actions for that day. You sign that request to your Higher Power. Then you discard your lists. She then meditates for 20 minutes repeating a word that is meaningful to her. I also enjoyed some of Heidi Priese videos on trauma. It seems that many choices we make are actually trauma responses. I hope sharing this information regarding trauma or healing ideas may inspire or assist you in some way. Blessings.

[@jramsey108]

One of the best calls I have had the privilege to listen to, kudos to Monica and Dr. John.

[@shannonross3586]

Thank you for posting this and thank you Monica for being vulnerable! I needed to hear this!!

[@boston312]

We all die alone no matter how many people surround us on the death bed. Before being dependent upon anyone else we must learn to love ourselves first. As an introvert i embrace my alone time and solitude.

[@consciousnessevo2012]

Sad

[@Trustme85]

That is so true. You can be married and die alone as well as have 10 kids and die alone. Alone to me is a state of mind. I enjoy being introvert, it a peace like no other. Have a blessed day my fellow introvert. 😊

[@a.marvellehoneyman4560]

Supernaturally we are with those from the other side.

[@TheEblenRealestateTeam]

Dr. Delony is so sweet! Monica you are amazing & you got this!

[@britanny5363ify]

Refreshing to hear this. Only bc so many of the callers to this show and other Ramsey personals are from married ppl with kids. There’s a lot of different types of paths out there.

[@vikker8274]

Excellent point. Add that if you are FEMALE, the majority of churches treat you as less than if you aren’t a mom or grandma.

[@geral2243]

Thats why you should think about the things you really want in life, not just things that everyone is doing and you feel like you should do it because its "normal".

[@freespiritwithnature4384]

Monica, I'm so sorry that you went through that abuse. I do understand, and it's so hard. We keep it in . I'm super proud of you getting sober . I wish I lived close to you,I think we'd be great friends. You sound like a beautiful person. Your spirit is precious. New chapter in your life. One day at a time . I lost my covid weight with keto. It's works. My mom is 85 as well. You're swimming against the current. I have been where you are. You deserve to be loved,but it starts with loving Monica and letting the old Monica go. ❤ Michele 🇨🇦.

[@janinesheaffer4713]

This made me cry! Awesome advice! Monica you've got this!

[@Jane5720]

You are not pathetic!!! There are so many people that are where you’re at .

[@franklincheney3653]

Thanks for giving so much to Monica! Hope she calls back a year from now!

[@shamailaahmad211]

These are the realest sessions ❤. Monica sending you much love ❤️ May your heart heal & feel happy ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ you're a courageous person!

[@jaaxoon]

“There is no moving past, there is no better place, there is no future point in time.” Lyrics from a Nine Inch Nails song that helped me when I felt despair for the past. Because after all, the only true experience is now.

[@lisalister8002]

Dr. J. is right up there with all of the great psychologist.

[@melaniea4901]

As a recovering addict I can relate. People that don’t understand addiction think I’m crazy when I say cocaine saved my life. It numbed me. Without it I probably wouldn’t be here. Coming up on 30 years on March 21. It’s really easy to judge others until you walk in their shoes. 🙏

[@AmandaJ86]

Monica: I am 37, and went through sexual abuse, along with a whole childhood and young adulthood traumas. I often feel like I am lost. I have no idea what I'm meant to do. I always put others before myself and lose myself even further. So your call was my "future me" call. I appreciate you calling in so much. I am going to save this video so I can refer to it! Also thank you Dr John for being you!!

[@natasabrandt21]

I've listened to almost all episodes, but this one is simply my favorite. John is amazing wit her...🤩

[@1463FJ]

I so feel this wonderful woman. Reactive. Let everyone else tell you who you are. She is amazing and proud to have heard her story 🙏🏻❤️

[@kekejefferson9219]

Your still alive, healthy, and your voice is energetic. You can always get married and get a trade or education to find a better job. Congrats on staying clean.

[@PorcelainLeigh]

Not to make light of anything, serious issues, much respect. But I smile and crack up every time Dr. John sings!

[@a.marvellehoneyman4560]

Monica is a warrior!

[@reginasemenenko148]

Monica, you were trying to survive, sweetheart. It's very hard to try to get ahead and take care of yourself as an adult when so much was taken from you. Be kind to yourself. You are muc& more important than the job you do. Almost everyone has made bad decisions.

[@kellymorehouse4561]

Thank you for helping Monica John

[@alanamosheim-7705]

Thank you Dr. John for your response. I went through the same thing and I had regrets on how I wasted my youth. God bless you.

[@daphblue]

Poor Monica. Try to leave NYC and you might find peace you didn’t know could exist. I know it’s hard to get out of leases and jobs and build something new, but I think she’d really benefit from spending time in calmer areas and walking away from the corporate hustle. She is alone, but she doesn’t have kids or a spouse tied to their own obligations and lives.

[@IAMHERE486]

She can move to another part of New York State.

[@em77775]

I've heard NYC has been so miserable since the pandemic. So many have been fleeing.

[@daphblue]

I agree. Actually, kids from my high school went on a trip there in October and literally the first 10 minutes that they were walking on the street, someone got stabbed right in front of them. I know that’s not a super common occurrence and probably just bad timing, but still.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Yeah, there's no way you can find peace in New York City.

[@ae3209]

I wish the me of today could hug little me 🥺 Monica, little you made it to today the only way she knew how. Be proud of her and hold her hand as you enter a new era of your life. You've got to do this for that little girl inside you.

[@9liveslisa]

Monica, for myself, some days just being able to breathe and stare into space is enough. In fact, to me, it's a miracle because for a large portion of my life I was hyperventilating and spinning 20 plates in the air 24/7 and it was exhausting. I never thought I would get to a place where I could just breathe and stare into space. It feels like heaven. And it is enough.

[@rz8753]

This was a powerful episode , thank you Dr. John ❤

[@bloomingale7868]

We’re cheering you on Monica! You go girl!! My vision for you is to save enough so that you can travel the world. Treat yourself to a vacation to Italy or France. Explore your horizons and you’ll meet a friend or two along the way on your trips.

[@meliq13]

I needed to listen to this video. Monica, if you see this, you are loved and NEVER alone. I'm in the NYC area, so if you ever want to meet up, reach out!

[@belle7591]

Thanks Dr. John Delony for the reminder! People who have past childhood trauma feel like failures for missing lifes age milestones of getting married by, having a career by, having kids by "a certain age". But we are not failures. We just work on a different timeline than most people that will look different then theirs which is fine. Nothing wrong about that! We have to heal from our past trauma and learn to love ourselves for who we are before we are in the right mindset to pursue whatever life goals we want to achieve. Doesn't matter what your age is. You are still breathing and alive! Anything is possible! As long as your willing to put the hard work in to achieve your goals and dreams! Don't give up! There is always a way to turn things around!😊❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@andrephillips7764]

Dang that was a darn good call and how JD responded was excellent.

[@jazzad]

Delony is so very, very good at what he does.

[@modustrollens7833]

I love this guy, an actual human being

[@6thgen002]

Im a grown ass man, about to cry. Im sad that Monica had to go through this but im happy cause she found the courage to look for help and i know she will pull through. Now im going to pretend i never watched this video and play some call of duty.

[@nantinee9]

One of the best calls...Wishing Monica all the best moving forward.

[@mmt2310]

I feel for Monica ❤. I would love to hear a follow-up in like a year with Monica to see how she's doing.

[@toriwolf5978]

Wow can relate to her story so much !!! I was burning alive inside growing up and even today I don’t trust anyone now will go to library to see if I can find your books to read them ❤

[@mbw6785]

Omg I’m bawling 😭 “Monica. For ten years your body protected you in the only way it knew how. You didn’t waste anything. You survived.”

[@motheryuba57]

This was so powerful and emotional for me to listen to. I can so relate to you, Monica. It is amazing that you were able to survive all those years of abuse. That shows your strength, resilence and that some greater power was looking out for you. The words you share here are words and experiences that a lot of us share. We know what you're talking about and I just applaud your courage to reach out and express everything you did. I listened with full attention to everything Dr. John said. Relieved that he could be compassionate and that he could give you actual concrete steps to take as you move forward. I'm going to do the same homework assignment myself. I wish you so much love, kindness and joy as you go about this challenging task of learning to love and honor yourself through all the various ages and phases of growth. Just know that I, and I'm sure, many others are inspired by your courage to speak your truth. I will be cheering you and myself on as I go about fulfilling this awesome assignment. I just started listening to Dr. John and I'm blown away.

[@mikeyz131]

This call must have lifted a lot off her. I like that she took the step in seeking help and I hope she’ll be able to look back at this video in a year and see progress in her journey

[@whitneyw.7919]

Before people write super sexist comments, men also have this awakening. I personally actually know a few men who are hitting even just 40 and are desperate, regretful and dreadful because they never found a mate because they have psychological problems they won’t address or made super bad decisions and it’s dawning on them that they will likely never have children. This is not a gender thing, every person should think of what they want their life to be like and build towards that in their 20s 30s 40s

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Absolutely!✌️❤️

[@bigt4135]

I’m a 41 year old male. Definitely hit me. I never really dated. I’ve only been with 2 women and that was 18 years ago.

[@Pacifica74]

How dare anyone look down on people because they don't "measure up". We're ALL surviving this cursed thing called life. We're ALL surviving it. Hats off to you if you've got it good, but give grace to those who don't. In fact, admire them because they are surviving it with less than what you've got!

[@buckibanker]

Wow, much love to Monica, i know its a month late, but i feel you and hear you. You will do great things in the backstretch of life

[@pattiwassman8703]

It really does make it hard to listen because it seems like the caller gets interrupted before they even get three words out of their mouth

[@jg-xx8oh]

Hey I’m a Male 56 no kids not married 🇨🇦 let’s meet lol I know how you feel! It plays on your mind and you feel like you missed the dance or party! and at times gets you down. Ty needed to hear this.

[@boston312]

Go to the Philippines or Thailand. Plenty of men your age and older are starting families out there

[@digthewarmth]

@@boston312 Terrible solution. You should figure out what you really want to do in your life, not just start a family, and at any means, cause others did it.

[@jg-xx8oh]

@@digthewarmth you are so right thank you

[@CrowTRobot618]

​@@digthewarmthAgreed- terrible advice from guy saying to go marry a Thai or Filipino woman just to have a wife. I have a sneaking suspicion most men who do this are predators seeking a housemaid who has to put out or get out.

[@santafilipina9020]

@@boston312we don’t want anymore middle aged men bringing their issues to the Philippines. Get thee to therapy.

[@WH2012]

Martha Stewart was in her 50's when she became extraordinarily successful! There are many women and men who have become wealthy in their mid-life and well beyond.

[@addiskassa5165]

Yes, you are so right!!!

[@benhughes4493]

Jesus Heals the broken hearted ! Luke 4:18, Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted….”

[@addiskassa5165]

Amen

[@zachwallace8274]

Oh my God Deloney, let her talk bro.

[@susan-7865]

In my twenties, my father belittled me so bad that it took me two years to get my confidence back up! I felt that I wasn't good enough to get any guy to go out with me!

[@elyse443]

Drugs/alcohol addiction is a serious disease that ruins lives in so many ways 😢 And child abuse is usually the trigger of it.

[@marianemashkalo4182]

John's mom is amazing. Thatwhy he's great too. Monica, you're wonderful. Rock on!

[@tfittread8907]

I love this guy-so kind to every caller. ❤

[@JJJJ-he8bz]

I’m don’t believe in going to therapy but Dr John is the only person I’d consider talking to. He seems like he’s going to give me a rational conversation and not just give me bullshit “it’s in your head”.

[@williamr4053]

As an African American male, I believed the same thing. Therapy has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in the last decade. Honestly, if I did therapy a decade ago, I think I would have had a better mindset to have gotten married and had children. I put therapy off because I didn’t think anything was wrong with me. Had some challenges this year that made me want to address those issues with therapy.

[@digthewarmth]

What don't you believe in about it? Is there something unethical about it?

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@williamr4053why does your race matter?

[@williamr4053]

@@alluringbliss4165 in the African American community, it’s pretty well known that we typically don’t believe in therapy.

[@Neverender3367]

You just have to find the right therapist and that can be so hard. As an African-American woman, I know the stigma and I hope you find the right one someday because therapy can be so beneficial to your own personal growth which can transform your life. P.s. Nothing exists until it exists within your mind. Watch The Secret or look into Dr. Joe Dispenza. Its life changing to learn to control your thoughts. I'm still learning myself but I get better everyday and I love myself more and more and I find I love everyone else more and more as well.

[@dk1828]

Such a powerful episode.

[@matthewflynn8752]

This is so uplifting