i had ED 我的故事

sorry that this video is kinda graphic,,
contemplated about posting this video for a long time now because i don’t want to make myself vulnerable on the internet and i wasn’t really fully recovered until as of recent. why i decided to post this is to shed light on eating disorders which is a commonly ignored and tabooed issue in malaysia for some reason..? i’ve never heard of it until i myself had anorexia. eating disorders are also a common misconception people have that anorexics just hate food but it’s so much more than that. people around you or you reading this might even have an eating disorder that goes unnoticed. i’m praying for everyone who is still struggling through this or any mental health issue, please stay strong, please choose recovery. there is light at the end of the tunnel. and always, know your worth.
love, nicole.

[@nicoleleee._]

please take some time to read the description , thank you

[@junyan1372]

you are who you've been looking for

[@jessw.6250]

Have a HAPPY journey 👏👏👏

[@MooonIight]

I had read some article about feminist,some of them siad "服美役".Some women in media and movies, likes Barbie, influenced baby girls in an exaggerate way , which made girls want to be thin.in fact,that is unhealthy. I am so sorry but angry about that.😶

[@Grace-yt3jo]

难怪有一阵子看你那么瘦 瘦到皮薄骨 很不健康 现在度过就没事啦 现在的样子很好看， 很漂亮，也很有气色 💖💖

[@fengqiaoqi4333]

Nicole, I am so glad that you recovered from your past. You look healthy and pretty now. You are a girl with a very strong mind, and you will be very successful in your future endeavors. ❤❤❤. I am from America. One day, if you want to visit the US, let me know

[@jiarongggg_4122]

真的觉得你做得很好了！开心点！！看看你现在的样子简直就像是个小天使一样！ 做自己就好啦 不管长得怎么样这都是上帝赐给你的礼物！❤加油！

[@xinjiapola]

经一事，长一智。 妳的经验和分享，都是让妳接下来要怎么做。 任何一个评论都不会帮助到妳，妳很特别，只有妳有这样的能量做好自己。 加油变得更加好！

[@RealBlackEssence]

I knew long before you spoke of this that you were struggling mentally. I'm glad you decided to be set free from that sickness and that you are getting better. Keep getting BETTER. You may have been a voice for someone else who needed to see someone be set free. God bless you, young lady. Im SO proud of you.-Whitney❤

[@CY_Chen]

你现在的你就是最美丽的你 加油加油加油 不要瘦。就现在的体重 我三年前也是不小心爆瘦（不是控制 是太忙，忘记吃，每天喝五六杯咖啡左右等等） 暴瘦不好 还好我每次可以补回来 我三年没有暴瘦了 很好 :) :) :)

[@yawwwzhi]

希望所有女孩都能發自內心自信 加油💞

[@snuffypancake]

you’re beautiful just the way are

[@xinling8231]

Glad to hear that you are recovering , thank you for sharing with us about anorexia. Be happy to be yourself, you are strong and deserve to be better. We'll always be with you🥰

[@mask5915]

我觉得可能最珍贵的不是体重，外貌，性格，可是你发自内心快乐体现出的笑容。谢谢你坚强的走过来，变得更珍惜自己❤ 我也从你学到了，开心最重要 ！

[@melodyliu6811]

i'm so so proud of you. i'm also 17 and started recovering this august. my situation was very much like yours and thank you so much for talking about this on here it really makes me feel less alone. wish you the best in your recovery!

[@zoe_4865]

謝謝妳勇敢的分享，自己也曾在飲食障礙中痛苦了七年，祝福我們都越來越健康，現在的妳非常的美：Ｄ

[@Daniel-sv2rb]

Thank you for sharing. So glad you found you way out of this illness and hopefully your experience can help others too. You are beautiful and look so much better now.

[@tommychen6102]

It’s great that you’re healing!!!

[@howivian1798]

been through the same story, can totally understand and relate to all the things u said, it got so bad to the extent i would cry just by looking at myself in the mirror and constantly have suicidal thoughts because it affected my mental health so bad. soso happy to see u are recovering from it and became so much healthier and happier, u look beautiful! thank u for having the courage to share ur story with everyone, its very important to raise mental health awareness because its still lacking in malaysia/asian community. jiayouuuu girl u are incredible!

[@jeslyn-9613]

You did great, Nicole! You're such a strong person, getting back up and making yourself happier and healthier again. Thank you for telling us you went through this hardship and spreading awareness more and more

[@musicwhite5509]

You’ve been so brave, not only for choosing recovery, but also for sharing your story. Recovery isn’t easy, but it’s so so worth it! You are definitely worth it! 之前聽到有人這麼說： you don’t always have to like yourself but you have to love yourself ❤ 學會如何愛自己這件事一點也不容易，很多人到了七老八十都還無法真正做到，不過希望妳不要放棄～ You’re beautiful and loved, and deserve all the love in the world~ 加油喔 ❤

[@yitmoon5211]

一面看着这个video一面哭....nicole能认识自己的错误并改过是真的很棒的事情来的 尤其是找回自信🥺 nicole加油💗💗 自信的nicole最好看✨

[@nicoleleee._]

不哭不哭 眼泪是珍珠🥹

[@anyeonggysstudy3848]

so proud of you nicole...so so so proud... the fact that you chose to change, was a miracle and a true blessing... all of us are proud ˖⁠♡

[@syc1740]

看了妳的片很久了 看到妳從以前變到現在這樣健康快樂，為你感到開心

[@reeniesvlog8995]

ITS OKAY nicole keep it up ur already so beautiful no matter what

[@rayray-fg5vb]

wishing the best for your recovery 💕 i know it’s not easy to share this on the internet. thank you for being vulnerable with us. and i’m proud of you!

[@c0e455]

You are so so so strong for making and delivering this video. I wish you all the best and for your constant recovery from ED. You’re beautiful.

[@QiWeiLim]

hii, 我是你CHS的学姐 哈哈 以前也有看你的影片 然后当时也觉得ei怎么那么瘦 可是我不知道背后的故事 看完影片我觉得很感动，看到你一步一步地走来，找回自己，慢慢 recover, I'm very proud of you for overcoming this by yourself! Thank you for sharing and raising awareness on eating disorders. I'm currently involved in an event with the theme to raise awareness on this issue as well and your video really made me feel the weight of it and how important it is for people to understand that this is more than just wanting to lose weight. They need help and recovery. Nicole, I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you will gain your confidence from within soon❤ Speaking from experience, it really takes time but once you get there, nothing can knock you down. You are worthy and beautiful, I hope you know that:))

[@nicoleleee._]

谢谢你🤍

[@emilygoh3992]

经历了同样的路程 真的能感受你全部的感受 你很棒nicole letsdothis❤️

[@xivk1]

I used to be like this too back in 2020, I starved myself and got so hungry that I finally get some food to eat, then I ended up binging and being sad and angry about it…but somehow I managed to eat normal again and fully recovered. im really glad I found this video and im really proud of you Nicole!!

[@spaghatitooo]

You are so brave to share this with us. Thank you so much, darling. Hope you have a good life

[@imjelena5468]

我是从你那时候一直cooking的时候看到你的KZbin 真的觉得你好瘦好瘦 之后突然在insta就发现你整个人都不一样了 有时候太执着真的不是一件好事 在一些方面可以是好的 一些方面会让人心理上变得很不健康 真的 身心灵健康最重要 加油！

[@wp3584]

支持你！自信的nicole最美了❤ 不用在意他人的眼光 做自己就好，因為喜歡你的人自然會被你吸引（例如我哈哈哈😂）😊

[@coolocean11]

U are pretty and unique by your own. Stay happy Nicole, whenever you smile u shiny like a star. That’s the reason I’m drawn to your video for the first time. Jia You!

[@imcookit8242]

真的发自内心为你感到骄傲！我也是觉得我身边的朋友dont take eating disorder as a 严种性的心理疾病,反而更需要去灌输mental health issues的知识，很感谢你有勇气分享这个故事给我们，虽然我不能relate你的sufferings，但是真的很为你勇敢踏出那一步感到开心，爱你 :>

[@dragonfruit2449]

祝福你找回了自己，你很棒！This video help a lot of ppl...u r so pretty and adorable now! Keep going nicole!

[@imkefreyax6631]

I've been following your Channel from almost the start till now, i love how you have grown so much through all the pain. I'm so proud of you that you have opened up about this. I myself have experienced mental illness that made me have a low self esteem and led to anxiety attacks during covid. Im so glad to know that we are not alone and that there is always other people trying to help us or people with the same problem who get the struggles. Thanks for sharing this with us, its definetly not easy. Xxx love u

[@itzyennn]

我真的覺得你現在真的很漂亮很有氣質(不是客套話) 氣色也很好 你做得很棒💖

[@LordCommanderJonSnow]

Nothing is more important than being happy and healthy, glad that you are doing good now

[@Nicole-fx4yl]

又更喜歡nicole了 nicole真的變了很多 這個影片真的有感動到 希望你可以怪點找到那個最自信的自己

[@emilychoweitien465]

其实之前我也是有经历过，那时候甚至买个东西都要问自己的朋友哪个的calorie比较高，而且那时候就算有很多功课，我还是会选择去运动，不管多晚。更严重的是我宁愿不跟家人共进晚餐，我也选择去运动。但是现在已经恢复好啦，也找到了属于自己的快乐，nicole，相信你可以找到自己的自信，你是最美的，加油💪😆

[@nicoleasmr23]

永遠支持你❤現在看到你慢慢變好了 真的很開心😻

[@jiasiewhan_0312]

每个人都是特别的🥰看到你找回健康和自信的自己真的很为你高兴。身心灵的健康胜过一切事。先爱自己才能去爱别人💕

[@peyxuan2649]

Dear nicole, you have done very well! Give yourself a round of applause ♥& Pls be more confident, because you truly look more beautiful and healthy now! You're very very strong, as this road is not easy... but u still managed to get through it.

[@suwenlan5793]

刚开始看你的vlog的时候是covid刚开始的时候，那个时候我就觉得你很瘦了，之后越来越瘦，我也在评论里提起过记得好好吃饭。现在看到健康的Nicole真的由衷的替你高兴。在这里给大家提醒下瘦不等于美，美永远没有定义❤

[@huyu1207]

之前看过你的影片，我也曾经一度怀疑过你为什么这么瘦，but你真的很棒哦！Everytime 我看你的video，you always give me the motivation to study，to be more prettier...我们有一样的年纪ya，你的坚持是我很好的榜样哦，每次都是因为觉得诶你zommok做得到，我做不到， 所以得到更多的motivation，Thanks to you，今年的SPM要一起加油！(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

[@yewsionggan]

inspiring! Nicole你真的很棒，life is about 活成自己喜欢和开心的样子

[@viib910]

你现在很美 ☺️ 突然滑到这个影片 虽然没有看过之前的影片 但我觉得现在很美

[@lauwilson8847]

加油nicole！不用去想别人的眼光，做好自己，你可以的

[@Nini-i4t]

我現在也正處於飲食障礙之中⋯所以我很能體會Nicole的心情🥺每天都過的很痛苦啦⋯現在也在慢慢找回自信，Nicole要加油啊！❤

[@studyhardsmart196]

加油💌

[@张阳-p7f]

你真得很棒！能够自己勇敢地走出来，所以未来一切的困难都难不倒你！谢谢你带给同路人正能量！希望多分享一些具体方法，当👿又来影响你时。

[@flyerleong]

感謝你的分享。我相信會對很多同樣陷入的人帶來幫助。感恩你現在更加健康和自信。

[@haaw-vr4kh]

Add oil Nicole!!! We will support you🥹❤️

[@et7972]

加油，加油，加油，過了一個大關，放眼未來，疫情中孤立，真的可以令人情緒出問題。現在身型體重很標準，又有自信心，可能令不少同學羡慕。

[@mrslonglegs]

Rooting for your recovery, Nicole 😊💕~

[@yuennn.n]

thank you nicole !! this means alot to me as i am trying to overcome my eating disorder as well ❤️❤️ sending you love and hugs

[@josephinekoh3077]

confident come from healty， you are perfect now❤❤❤love you

[@alexischaw267]

hello!! thank you so much for sharing your inner self with us, it has been hard for you and i feel and am so sorry for what you have gone through. 我也一样, i understand all the tough times because i remember myself saying all the things in my mind you said in the video. it made me feel like i wasn’t alone. i remember crying because i was constipated for 2 weeks, i was in a very bad spot of being severely underweight, and my mum dragged me to the psychiatrist. i’m a lot better now, and i am so thankful you are using your platform to share and spread awareness about this disorder. i hope no one would ever go through anything like this ever , i’m so proud of your recovery. let’s continue on strong 💪🏻 加油 ！

[@alexpontw]

May you keep healthy. keeping a positive attitude and good habits( swimming/jogging/hiking... etc)

[@安吉玲]

Nicole姐姐要加油！我们会一直支持你的❤️

[@YC-dv9xv]

你真的很美 自信起来吧❤ 你很美 这是我发自内心的觉得的

[@InvestmentMindsetIM]

You are so courageous to share this generously with all your audiences. You look so much better now girl, keep up the good vibes and you would definitely come out from this stronger and wiser :)

[@sherleyhuying398]

🥹你现在的状态真的很好 你也很漂亮一定要自信💕

[@변백현의아기]

姐姐 好久没有看过你的视频了 变化真的好大 超级漂亮!!!很有女神feel🥺要自信呀 你要知道你是最棒的!!🥰🥰

[@享受美食ing的体重管理]

之前看到你时真的很瘦 虽然目前没有过你的经历 但还是很心疼你的遭遇🥺 无论如何 健康最重要 千万不要被社会的病态美影响 心理疾病不简单 不过我相信你可以熬过来的！ 期待看到健健康康漂漂亮亮很有信心的你🥰🌹 加油

[@aa-fo3wd]

Nicole现在的状态真的感觉非常好了许多🥺而且非常非常美丽 是那种有活力而且健康的美丽 非常喜欢现在你的状态 加油！

[@angelkwok2060]

我很早之前就有留意你了 因為我和你都有共通點 就是為了變得更漂亮而戴牙套、對自己不夠自信等 看到你的體重數字不斷下降 我也發自內心的感到心疼 我自己也是個bmi嚴重不合格的女生 不過我不是厭食症 而是吃不胖的體質 anyway我很欣賞你做事的決心 還有現在的你已經很完美很好看啦❤️

[@jlzqq6671]

so proud of u! take care of yourself

[@zzelx]

hi nicole, this is the first video of yours i stumbled across. just want to say thank you for sharing your experience with us. it takes a lot of courage to speak up about ED, and even more to pull yourself out from that obsession with losing weight. i'm glad that you feel better now. please take care and remember that you're beautiful the way you are :)

[@shannon6213]

You’re super brave! You’re so beautiful and healthy now! 💓

[@shannon6213]

Sending so much love to you! ❤

[@khaiyikoay5485]

same😣，听了你的分享后让我意识到我自己不能再这样过我的人生了 这样一点都不快乐，连享受美食的快乐都被自己所剥夺 也让自己与家人的关系不好。😢谢谢你的分享，希望从此刻我可以为了自己的健康，放下这个ed的心魔🥺

[@choksongyuan8153]

just be urself and love urself so people will love u too... 加油，你是最棒的！！

[@gum834r7]

Heyyy Nicole! i remember watching your videos from end of last year to early this year. And aaah, I'm so happy that you've gathered the courage to face this and have the self-love to admit that you have an ED and want to change in the first place. Baby steps, but it's a big deal! I did a psych degree so I should know better but the truth is many people who had experienced ED including myself wouldn't dare to think they themselves were the ones with problem.Thank you for sharing your story and not sugar coating things because struggling with an ED and going through recovery is not easy at all. You're still young and have a great future ahead of you to pursue your goals and dreams. I wish you all the best for whatever you are aiming for and hope you'll have healthy and happy journey ahead!

[@amie9646]

关注你一年多了（快两年多了）我其实以前很不知道为什么你会怎么瘦，以为你是不是饭吃很少结果没想到你有eating disorder！我很guilty没能帮你😢但是我现在很高兴你在overcoming eating disorder了❤❤加油！！！

[@shivabhakth07]

I'm happy that you fight it back and hope others will too, also its sad to know that mental illness is not something to talk about in Malaysia I mean many out there dnt knw what is the actual meaning of mental health which a lot of people especially students suffer from and thank you for talking about this you never know how some words can actually help others to fight thru

[@tiffany7521]

看到你新生入学的视频，觉得你像个热情的小太阳，然后开始订阅你的频道。无意中考古翻到这个视频才发现这段根本无法从现在的笑容里发现的曲折，你真的是一个很棒内心很强大的女孩，我也很认同你说的，一定要找到人生追逐的目标💕希望你能享受在中国的大学时光🥰

[@kohjacky2581]

你现在很美，你会变到越来越好的，加油 💪

[@wing0415]

现在的你好看多了，很棒哦！谢谢你勇于踏出第一步，做出改变。

[@jt83jt]

加油加油！现在的样子很好看😊 thanks for raising awareness by this video about eating disorders!! Glad that you overcame it!!

[@geogy1715]

加油Nicole！！ 我们都看得出你的改变 无论你是怎么样的 我们还是一样支持你的💗

[@kuehnh8654]

姐姐 我只能说 你是最棒的 加油！要开开心心❤️

[@Love1009love]

你很棒加油 不要再瘦了 我也34-36公斤的人但我很想胖就是胖不了吃也正常吃😢永遠睡不好吃不飽的人… 體會的了你這種心情 你現在很漂亮

[@yy-rx1qy]

我很想要有您的身材。我一直努力减肥但还是依然肥..

[@niiicolelay]

I’ve been watching your videos since mco and all I can say is, you did great Nicole 🫶🏻 so proud of what you for being so strong and brave throughout these times. Keep fighting 💝

[@krystalliew9340]

加油！Nicole。之前看你影片的时候都很正常，但是慢慢的你越来越瘦。我那时发觉你是不是得了什么病还是发生了什么东西的，我想过要问，但却没有这个勇气。但是你现在健康就好啦！我们一直都在！加油。❤

[@catherinetng6718]

曾经经历你所说的，虽然没到厌食症的境界，但就是每一天都会想着要如何distribute my daily calorie intakes, 只要吃多了一些就会逼自己运动更长的时间来fix the guilt，天天都在被这些根本不重要的事影响心情，真的很疯! 恭喜你摆脱了这个恶性循环！你现在超漂亮的，以前瘦到可怕啦，不要再被social media洗脑了, you are doing great and do keep it up! xoxo!

[@louisaen4798]

nicole你是一个完美的女孩. 不必去在意别人对你的想法，做回自己才是最美的. （记得天天要开心哈~）❤

[@wongwelson5498]

真的很为你感到骄傲 感到开心 你现在真的真的真的很美很美

[@waichow285]

Last time i saw u so skinny i already knew something was wrong.i try to pointed it out in every comment section but people seems to ignore it and praised your 'skinny' appearance.I was really worried last time and try to advice u in every videos.But this year,when i saw u getting your healty weight back i'm very glad that u have recovered

[@huaxinlee864]

Hi, senior. I'm from chs too. I'm still struggling with anorexia since I was form 1, now I finally back to normal dy. Ur videos motivated me. Tqvm

[@efuu7025]

我觉得你现在很漂亮，你现在很刚好 be confident girl you're perfect

[@ztw0719]

要好好爱自己哦 不要容貌焦虑 你是最棒的！！

[@xinzheng3921]

现在比之前特别瘦的时候美太多了❤真高兴你能救自己出来

[@rosyxue1785]

Nicole, just want to let you know, you're very pretty now because you're truly happy and healthy now! 😁 Love you and will always support you! ❤

[@deercherryyee6928]

你好美不用再焦慮❤放過自己you will better 😢你一定會好

[@hy8632]

😢看到你的改变是非常欣慰的，以前真的太瘦了，现在这样真的·真的·很好看很健康很漂亮😍{美女姐姐}，人生只有一次一定要健健康康活哦！🥰每个人都是独一无二且不完美的因为那就是我们😘

[@BK8MoneyMaker]

现在看太多 social media 很难不有身材焦虑，谢谢你的分享，我相信很多女孩男孩都需要❤健康最重要啊大家！😊

[@serxianyeo4420]

你好勇敢哦！分享出来👍🏻我一直觉得你很棒想不到你也经历了这个过程，没事了现在好了都过去了🙏🏻

[@che_yu_a_]

To be honest, I think u r extremely beautiful now than before❤ u look healthier and prettier, also bear in my that we’ll be there for u🥰

[@Timchew-g3h]

Nicole we are glad u have overcome your mindset keep going we always at ur side support u

[@notagnes88]

nothing much to say right now cause it's too relatable. As a 过来人 ，我明白你的痛苦but你真的很棒！just wanna send hugs 🫶

[@WUJUE404]

对我来说，最难面对的不是什么困难，但我永远不会忘记心理疾病，心理疾病很难克服，你不放弃，坚持，感染了我，谢谢你，有一个好心态是一个好事，心理想太多真的不是好事，我觉得疫情关在家应该对我有很大的影响，慢慢来，一切都可以变。

[@yaya-xw2qg]

你現在真的很美很健康的感覺~ 很開心你好了起來!!

[@ericyow6265]

这样的你很好看！以前的事就忘掉吧，毕竟说不会做傻事？记得做自己，加油❤！