I Have Dyslexia

[@iriang.a.9209]

Whoa, Dr. Honda! I knew you were a hard worker but I can’t imagine how much effort you’re exerting to prep for deep dives given the dyslexia. 😮 Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@JayBeckah]

This also crossed my mind! The amount of written research needing to be ingested for those videos... ! 😮

[@TMTgirl]

ABSOLUTELY!! Appreciation on a whole other level. As someone with ADHD major AF reading struggles, WHOA!! Go, Kirk!! ❤️

[@GotPinkBlackandBlue]

I appreciate you making this video wile you are at the beginning stages of self discovery. I'm 15min in and I'm giggling at you saying you don't have Dyslexia that bad because you are successful and were able to find work arounds. I remember having a similar belief when I was at the beginning of a self discovery for something unrelated to my dyslexia. My dude, being successful because you were able to find "work arounds" (aka, accommodation) is why it is so important for kids with learning disabilities to have personalized support. Not every kid is as lucky as you to stubble into healthy coping strategy and live a successful and fulfilling life. My intention is not to shame you into survivors guilt (and I hope you are able to quickly process this feeling if you do), but this is the reality of the world as I see it. You are one of the lucky ones. You working with your struggles have given you skills and understandings some people may never have.

[@RaymondJiang444]

I'll also add that Dr. Honda has talked about many times before that he's lucky to have a supportive, loving family that was attuned to his needs, something a lot of people don't have. So even if you have a debilitating mental condition, having a great support system can do a lot to help the person feel more confident and resilient despite it.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

this applies to so many other neurodevelopmental conditions too. ADHD, Autism etc etc. Thing is overlap rates are high, and masking is a big deal for identity whereas dyslexic has minimal impact on this massive side of things. So grateful Kirk was lucky to find healthy coping strategies as he's made such a positive impact on my life and I wish him the best as he deals with this new found realisation

[@GotPinkBlackandBlue]

@@imthinkingthoughts depending on the person and their support network, dyslexia can minimally or majorly impact someone's identity. I heard of a study that individuals with dyslexia are at higher risk of not being able to develop a Self Narrative. Not being able to naturally string together a Personal Narrative has left me aimless and lost in life. Didn't realizes how bad I had it until I was asked by therapists to tell them my story.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

@@GotPinkBlackandBlue thanks for letting me know this. That sounds incredibly difficult and I will adjust my view to recognise the impact dyslexia can have on identity and self narrative. I appreciate you sharing this with me and I wish you all the best as you learn and develop your identity and life purpose despite the impacts of dyslexia!!

[@imthinkingthoughts]

It's deeply validating to hear that even Dr. Kirk Honda - an accomplished psychologist and professor - shares similar experiences to many of us with late-life neurodivergent diagnoses. His story shows that: 1. Even mental health experts can miss their own neurodivergent traits for decades 2. Despite significant professional success, sharing a diagnosis remains challenging and vulnerable This helps normalize both late diagnosis and the complex emotions that come with it, regardless of one's background or achievements

[@Chromebiscuit]

This makes sense - sometimes I notice you put the subtitles on when reacting to LIB, though you will read out a word wrong, which would completly change the context of your reaction. Then others might comment "noo, so-and-so actually said this---" As someone diagnosed with ADHD I always love remembering how lots of smart people have learning disabilities

[@phalanopsis9524]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! I was diagnosed with dyslexia when I was nine years old. I remember having the same panic when called on to read out loud in class. I eventually learned to read by recognizing the silhouettes of words, which means I usually need to read everything twice for full comprehension. My wonderful mother read LOTR to me when I was around eight, and it started my love for fantasy novels. I still take forever to read something, but I struggle through. I hope you can continue to learn and accept this new revolution about yourself ❤

[@cosmicwolf4785]

I really appreciate you talking about this. It motivates me to do my best with my own difficulties. I wish some day to be half the therapist you are. Also, as your listener for many years now, I'm grateful that your preference for the spoken word has brought you to share your knowledge with us ^^

[@Julia-um4rv]

This is so interesting. I'm only half way through so forgive me if I repeat something you said but I feel like i have had a similar experience with ADHD. I'm lucky that I can read, but my reading is so slow. I loved to read when I was a kid and I remember getting so frustrated in high school with my language arts classes that I started to hate reading. I just could not keep up no matter what and I could never remember the little details of the book that my teachers would ask on tests. I even did the cliff notes and still struggled. It wasn't until I took a reading class for kids with learning disabilities that I fell in love with reading again. Basically, the teacher let us read whatever we wanted to, and from there i got excited about reading again. Also, this eousode made me feel better because I definitely do better with books on tapes and podcasts. I assumed you were so well read and I felt bad because I have been burnt out from reading since finishing my MSW. I have so much respect for you as a therapist so I'm happy to know that i can still be a good therapist even if I'm not reading everything.

[@_d_h_]

took me quite a few times writing a comment. but here's a summary of my attempts: I'm in awe of you being so open and vunerable (seeing dyslexia could be intepreted as a "weakness") happy for you to come to the realisation and dealing with it so well learning you've had difficulty reading my respect for you has only increased, because I think you are one of the smartest persons out there!

[@susanegbert2155]

This was me when I realized I had ADHD 😂 and when I discussed this with people who I've known over the years were surprised when I told them about my realization

[@AurorasWindow]

Same. I think a lot of people don’t believe me 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@imthinkingthoughts]

same

[@ausflygirl3430]

What a realization Dr. Kirk! Appreciate your honesty and being open on your journey. You are very successful and have accomplished so much, so you have adapted. This will encourage so many people.Thank you for sharing.

[@SultansMama]

🙏🏿 Thank you for sharing your story. My son was recently disagnosed with dyslexia and this helps me understand him so much more. He's only 7, so he struggles to articulate his experience and struggles. Im crying as i listen because your in-depth explanations have unlocked his world for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! And thanks for helping me appreciate that audiobooks are not a cheat. He's devoured audiobooks and podcasts since he was 4, but i always felt guilty that it wasn't "real" reading. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being so open. You've reached and helped a little boy and a worried mom and maybe many others who needed to hear about and understand dyslexia from someone who's successfully managed it.

[@RaymondJiang444]

Dr. Honda, I so appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable about this aspect of you to all of us listeners, and not just Patreon or YT members. There's definitely a lot about your dyslexia that I can relate to. I have to say though as you were talking about how some of your struggles were not just about reading or pronouncing certain words but also comprehending and remembering what you read as well as how listening to audiobooks and podcasts helped you to read and learn about topics you were interested in, it made me wonder whether you might also meet the criteria for another learning disability called, 'nonverbal learning disability.' The name is sort of misleading because it makes it sound like people with the disability are nonverbal and unable to speak, but it's essentially about having issues with the nonverbal aspects of learning and instruction. So people with NVLD can often read and speak incredibly well, but will have trouble understanding what they read and can struggle with more abstract subjects that go beyond just rote memorization and recall. They also can struggle socially with reading nonverbal cues, not unlike those with autism and ADHD. In recent years, I've been through sort of a self-realization of my own about my neurodivergence, first with autism, then ADHD, and most recently with NVLD. I've only been officially diagnosed with autism (specifically, Aspergers at the time) as a young child, but the latter two I actually resonate with a lot more. Like you, I hid a lot about my condition from others out of shame, and to be honest, I still do and finding work arounds for it has been very difficult. For me, not being able to fully understand new concepts and what I read can be hard enough, but having to explain what I read, learn, or know even for things I'm interested in can feel even worse, because of how I'm putting myself out there to other people and potentially making myself look like a fool when I can't articulate what I'm thinking or how to properly explain it. Also, when you're not able to fully understand something, it leaves you unable to detect nuances in text and to think critically about what you read. I'm not someone that's naturally able to think critically, but I've always had this fear of being perceived as ill-informed, unempathetic, and being ignorant and inconsiderate of other peoples' perspectives, so I often will go to great lengths to figure out or gather further insight into a topic so that I can have a more well-rounded understanding on it. But this also can be very exhausting emotionally. Even trying to explain my experience with a learning disability is tough because of said learning disability, and as I'm writing this I feel like I'm leaving out a lot (even though this reply has already gone on for a while) and wondering if it's because I don't know how to fully explain it. I hope all of this made sense.

[@amandaharris3012]

I love this!!! My 9 yr old son recently was diagnosed with Specific Learning Disorders eg. Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and Dyscalculia. After he was diagnosed it suddenly made sense to me why I struggled so hard with math seeing as it's hereditary. I had no problems reading or writing but my cousin has dyslexia and I saw how much he struggled. I realized pretty early on that my son was having trouble because he couldn't decode words or letter sounds very well. He also didn't understand rhyming at a young age which was strange to me. It's wonderful to hear about successful people who overcame their learning disabilities. I always love to tell my son these things because like you said, he also feels dumb sometimes but we work really hard at building up his confidence and focusing on his other amazing abilities

[@Pktommy1]

I’m dyslexic too lol. Also moderate. But I struggled really hard to learn how to read and had special classes. I do realize as an adult now that I learned phonetics on a far deeper level than the average person because of that. Numbers are the biggest issue for me now though, because school completely skipped that I guess thinking that math isn’t reading. My pap didn’t learn how to read until he was in his 50’s but my family refused to talk about disorders etc.

[@atestatldede2085]

"Too many descriptions of meadowss" got me.

[@samanthas8340]

Thank you for being vulnerable Dr. Kirk. I relate so much to things you described in your early education experiences. I can also relate to coming to realizations about the self and people close to me much later then might be expected, but then I think that is normal when you're so close to the thing/situation that prevents you from being objective. It's only been the last few years of my 30s that I've suspected I have ADHD. Primarily because I struggle to keep track of my belongings and loose them the second I have them: phone, keys, debit cards, remotes, other types of keys, dog leashes, tennis shoes, eye glasses etc. Which may seem normal but definitely interfere with my life on a regular basis and is the most frustrating symptom for me. It's not just that, though, I actually struggled a lot in school and like you, I basically just blamed myself and never got help for it. It wasn't until learning about DA's - the part where you ask about early childhood that I even really remembered being pulled out of class for extra help or being denied Spanish classes because I was too behind in English. My mom even got an adult ADHD diagnosis and my son is on the spectrum but still it wasn't until a decade later that it really resonated with me. I even sometimes mix things up like you do, Dr. Honda, where I'll get the appointment time wrong with no valid explanation. Numbers I'll also jumble, where I'll remember the numbers but not the correct sequence. Last year in my assessment class I remember doing a exercise related to IQ testing and realized everyone was better at retaining large sequences of numbers (like with phone numbers)and I was significantly bad at it by comparison. I've also always been bad with idioms and similar things. Other examples of delayed realizations for me include growing up in a dysfunctional household. It probably wasn't until my late 20s until I realized the behaviors I witnessed in the adults around me weren't healthy, but that's a hard realization when it's your only experience and you don't have much to compare to. My mom was always quick to impulsive anger outbursts but it wasn't until my late 20s when I suspected she had BPD. This was after I accidentally triggered a fear of abandonment. I told her their wasn't room in the car to attend my son's birthday party. The next thing you know she was irate and furious at me because according to her I was going to marry, have a 2nd child, move away and never see her again. It's funny now, but it took that level of distortion for something to click for me and realize there's something more going on here.

[@Nataaloca]

I self diagnosed with dyslexia. I think my shame around my issues were so big, my teachers and fellow classmates were protecting me more by not pointing it out. I don’t know what falls under dyslexia, my issues as a child were: -reading very slowly -reading the same sentence several times until I could understand it -stuttering when speaking and reading -very bad grammar & spelling -leaving letters and words out when writing -getting lost very frequently -confusing left and right -bad understanding of verbal information -really bad at gymnastics and sports (except swimming, since I almost swam professionally) I was a very timid, quiet, in her own world kind of child. I remember feeling a lot of anxiety and fear of doing something wrong and being confused more often than not. I always thought I must have a disability of some kind but never had a name for it nor was I diagnosed. As an adult: -i have a driver’s license but I don’t drive. Driving freaks me out. -I still confuse words, forget how things are called, forget well known names -my spelling is still very bad even after college and years of studying -still a slow reader and still not a fan -still bad handwriting, forgetting letters when I write fast -still having two left feet -still bad at understanding instructions BUT: -I have a real talent to learn new languages -I have a very strong memory for conversations and details, even things that happen years ago -I’m a really good storyteller (I’ve been told) -I’m good at finding creative solutions to problems -I have a very logical mind and a mind of my own -I learn from listening and observing so those areas are well trained Guess the bad does come with some goodies ☺️

[@Zullala]

For me it's like living in a waling dream. You know in a dream when you look at words or numbers they appear one way, then you look away and look back and now they appear completely different? Well thats what its like for me all day everyday. I have to check everything at least 3 tines, maybe 4 times and then whatever I see more than twice I consider to be reality. That's not always the case but it works more rhan it doesn't and I haven't found a method that works 100% of the time. It's upsetting because i seriously can't tell what's real or not and that reality seeps into other aspects of ny life too. Gets me very existential haha

[@deadfullyawesome]

It’s such a weird feeling isn’t it? I have a good memory I’m good at math and a wide variety of subjects However reading as someone with moderate dyslexia is the most agonizing thing I may have been through in school I read a whole page and remeber 0 of that information because so much of my energy was spent on reading the words and not memorizing. This lead me to get horrible grades and I’d passed school with 50 percent absences. Fast forward a year I retake all My course online and used Grammarly and read aloud texts and omg my GPA went from a 2 to a 3.9 It’s such a devaluing experience to be in class and see everyone several pages ahead of you…for the longest time I thought I was just aware that I’m dumb and the average person had way more potential than me. That’s my experience and I’m happy to hear that someone as smart as you also has this disorder. It’s inspiring Also you’re similar in this regard to me. For dyslexic it’s like your reading autocorrect is absolutely broken and every word is a feint memory of what you’ve remembered as if it’s food that’s never been digested. Also any new word trying to correctly enunciate it is near impossible until you’ve heard it.. at least for me Rereading what was once written is a task in itself 😅 Reading infront of others feels like you’re whole worth would be judged on this poor performance And yes my class did this read aloud thing and I’d stutter so many times… it was terrible. I was misdiagnosed as adhd however later on diagnosed as Moderate Dyslexic about a 6.5/10 with minimal ADHD symptoms

[@Authentistic-ism]

I love how us neurodivergents (yes, dyslexia counts) have such a wide spectrum of dys- and hyper- things. Like, I don't have dyslexia, but I do have dyscalculia and dyspraxia. But not everything can be dysfunctional, some stuff can be hyperfunction, so i happened to turn out hyperlexic! it's the opposite of dyslexia! Words jump off surfaces and read themselves to me. I apparently learned to read very early and don't really remember noticing I was different from other kids for several years. The feeling is similar to Kirk realizing he was much slower than others, despite the facts being different, I really resonated with the emotional expression he shared there about realizing how different his ability was to his peers level.

[@nicoleshadey9281]

Fellow mildly dyslexic and severely dyspraxic person here! Never related so much. I guess our experiences really aren’t that special. 😂 I managed to get a 2:1 law degree and I still think I am dumb because of my diagnoses and I shouldn’t have been able to do it. Finally starting to realise I shouldn’t be ashamed of it- doesn’t affect intelligence. Thanks for sharing, it helps to know you aren’t the only one.

[@joshc9916]

I don't have an issue with dyslexia but we can all relate to finding our identity and struggling with something. Thanks for being courageous enough to help normalize vulnerability and questioning attitudes.

[@nutellanebula]

We love and support you Dr!!

[@TMTgirl]

Being super organized with the rest of your life is maybe, at least in part, to overcompensate for your reading struggles? But maybe it's not related, idk. 🤷‍♀️ SO HAPPY FOR YOU MAKING ALL THESE CONNECTIONS!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[@mirimibelle3714]

sounds like the story of my life… all the little details like being in class and reading around the room, the workaround in uni, the discovery of audiobooks. I always said I dont like books, but thats not true. I also just gave up. and all that same, the same was the hardest part. I wasn’t diagnosed until my 30th and always thought I was just to stupid. I mean everyone can read and write 🤷‍♀️ how hard can it be. Plus other dyslexia related issues like having a hard time learning the multiplication table. Teachers, my mom and me myself just gave up on me and I grew up thinking I was just stupid. That only changed when I went to university and saw that there was more to it. That my brain could do things others couldn’t.

[@haileyoslund]

Thank you for sharing this Dr. Honda. I went undiagnosed with adhd for my entire childhood and can relate to some of the experiences you shared here. It makes me wonder if there could ever be some possibility of screening kids about their thoughts/feelings relating to reading, school, etc to better catch problems so there could be help given earlier. So many difficulties fly under the radar for kids. I’m impressed with the resilience and work arounds that kids find but it bums me out that they don’t get the support they deserve.

[@haileyoslund]

Haha just now getting to the part of this episode where you bring up the adult screening for dyslexia!! Wow, this is exactly what I was thinking when I posted my initial comment.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

​@@haileyoslund As AI and its various capabilites further develop in the future we will be extremely good at detecting these sorts of 'hidden' things. Thsi could be through persponalised ai tutors, ai powered detection tools far better at differentiation and diagnosis, improved brain imaging and deciphering, etc. also likely a better understand of the complexities and differences of the human brain generally in a more education population. at least this is a potential upside fingers crossed development and implementation of the technology is done well

[@AurorasWindow]

Great episode! I can relate to a lot of what you said as a late diagnosed autistic and ADHD. I’m also pretty convinced I have dyscalculia and I’ve been wondering if I have dyslexia too. I did the same assessment you did and said I’m at significant risk 😅 But I’ve been wondering if it’s all part of the same for me. A lot of my ADHD experience seems so similar to dyslexia, so it’s hard to separate all the “conditions” in my brain.

[@Authentistic-ism]

Anyone who struggles with feeling "lazy" for their perceived flaws or for their brain differences like Kirk shares he had felt like this, please give a listen or read to Laziness Does Not Exist by Dr. Devon Price. There are also videos where he talks through a powerpoint of the main points of the book. He's very accessible, being neurodivergent and trans himself. It was truly freeing.

[@oc2538]

Thanks so much for this podcast. It's disheartening for me. I always assumed my dyslexia was due to having immigrant parents. As if their inability to read or write was the reason. 1:21:04 Dyslexia has nothing to do with intelligence. Thanks for being open about this. There is a lot of shame around it.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

Now you have me wondering if I'm somewhere on this spectrum.....I have always struggled with remembering names and phone numbers WAY more than makes sense to me

[@evergreenminty]

Thank you for sharing your experience. A foreign language professor first suggested that I might have dyslexia, which makes sense since one might have less developed workarounds in a non-native language. I went for an initial consultation with my school's accessibility office, but it was inconclusive without further assessment, since I didn't have any of the very obvious signs and wasn't particularly struggling academically. I kind of dropped it because I thought that it would be fine if I just tried harder. I have been uncertain whether I have dyslexia for a long time, but I relate to many of the experiences and challenges you describe, which makes me think that perhaps I should follow up further on this.

[@evergreenminty]

Adding that it's really interesting to think about how it could be more obvious outside the core English language skills where you have less opportunity and time to develop workarounds. I just realized from the part where you talk about memorizing how phone numbers are dialed that I did a version of this when learning to play an instrument. As a kid, I would memorize the finger movements to play an instrument, rather than processing the sheet music or sequence of notes. I am wondering if possible dyslexia is also why I struggled more than my peers with learning how to code since syntax is also language of sorts.

[@ryanknight199]

Thank you Kirk 💙

[@bluchu22]

Anyone have lysdexia?

[@AurorasWindow]

😂

[@torimuller6459]

dyscalculia cluuuub

[@Authentistic-ism]

About to listen, but based on the title, congratulations! You're neurodivergent! Dyslexia is among the conditions under the umbrella of neurodivergence.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

as someone with adhd and autism I really like kirk. this video and realisation of kirks partially confirms some of my intuitions. i wouldn't be surprised if he had more neurodivergences than just dyslexia hahaha.

[@Authentistic-ism]

@@imthinkingthoughts I've thought this for years myself. But all those years listening to Kirk's occasional thoughts on autism and answers to autistic listeners, I'm not sure he's ready. I myself didn't really see it in myself till I began listening to younger adults about it. I saw my dyspraxia and my dyscalclulia first but it wasn't till I opened up to listening to the autism community online that I learned about all the comorbidities. Those voices weren't speaking up when we were younger and autism wasn't understood by most therapy training programs. Anyway eventually I got my diagnosis in my 40s. I've given up trying to find an "autism specialist" for adults like every therapist says to do - they do not exist at least not in an accessible way like a regular therapist would, so I now just try to find therapists willing to learn more about neurodiversity and work with my differences, and work on my self awareness so i can communicate those differences in therapy. It's harder than a neurotypical client for sure.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

@@Authentistic-ism I agree with you, Kirk is not ready or in a place where it would logically make sense from my perspective for him, particularly based on his dated understanding of neurodivergences. Potentially his realisations about his dyslexia open a pathway and catalyse his neurodivergent learnings onwards, however for my money I’d say it’s quite unlikely as I would take some big changes in his worldview, perspective, and self-concepts. Yeah unfortunately therapists with good understanding of neurodivergence’s are exceedingly rare. Having done my psych honours I am extremely disappointed with the profession from the perspective of neurodiversity. Things are changing slowly, with more research being conducted, though which is at least positive

[@JayBeckah]

Welp... I had to take a break from listening to this because my reading experience is so similar to yours... I sort of thought mayyyybe there was something there, but I also internalised & accepted the idea I must somehow be a bit "slow", while at the same time I did well at school (as long as I put in 2x effort & time). All that to say I needed a break from the video to take a few deep breaths. (Background info: 37 F; dyslexic maternal Grandfather; strongly suspect my Dad is too. Both intelligent men.)

[@meliss_85]

Sounds like a problem with encoding 🤔 or even just visualizing words in your head. It’s like that with numbers for me, but I can learn language fine.

[@chloe44424]

This video is great. It made me reflect on my personal experiences. Although I don't have dyslexia, I can relate to some of your feelings. Growing up as a girl with ADHD, I tried to hide my struggles, even from myself, because they made me feel ashamed. Although I was very capable of reading, I would have to re-read sentences a lot because I kept getting distracted, and I kept losing grasp of the concepts. I would pretend to have read certain books, because I was also a nerd trying to fit in. I had the same experience with Lord of the Rings, but in 9th grade. I was ashamed of my reading speed, and my difficulty understanding a text when I was in the presence of distractions. I thought that I wasn't trying hard enough. I knew that I was capable because my grade in french (I was in a french school) was in the top 3 at my school in my age group. My spelling was great. In math, i would sometimes mix up numbers. My teacher once told me that my grade would have been 100, if it wasn't for me mixing up numbers. It made me feel "dumb", like I wasn't trying hard enough. Especially because before middle school, I didn't struggle at all. I thought that I had just "lost" my intelligence. Thank you so much for sharing🩵

[@howdydoody-f5r]

It's deeply validating to hear that even Dr. Kirk Honda - an accomplished psychologist and professor - shares similar experiences to many of us with late-life neurodivergent diagnoses. His story shows that: 1. Even mental health experts can miss their own neurodivergent traits for decades 2. Despite significant professional success, sharing a diagnosis remains challenging and vulnerable This helps normalize both late diagnosis and the complex emotions that come with it, regardless of one's background or achievements.