i have no mouth, but i must traffic.

[@Valefisk]

Play War Thunder now with my link, and get a massive, free bonus pack including vehicles, boosters and more: playwt.link/valefisk

[@mobiiuz129]

Woohoo I love the snail!

[@MegaGullas]

I'm amazed the War Thunder sponsorship did not mention the amount of times actual classified military documents have been leaked on its forums by *far* too passionate players...

[@teaflavouredcoffee83]

balls (sorry for being late)

[@choobs8511]

Nuh Uh!!!!

[@YotoBoto]

Since you are not sponsored from paradox, how well does the game run? Do you think the game runs decently even potential 3060s graphics cards etc?

[@amgoose3493]

Vales brain firing on all cylinders to maximize a tiny little side feature

[@LuciaRose]

*to maximise traffic problems involving death

[@Virtrial]

cylinder* there's just one in there

[@johannesviljoen9656]

turbocharged, 5l, single cylinder rotary engine.

[@averagetectonicplateenjoyer]

to be fair all cylinders is in the negatives

[@Draconlykos]

Im hallucinating. The goose is moving in my peripheral. It is coming for me. Send help

[@goldenindustries]

On their website, they say accidents are triggered when an accident check succeeds on a road. Meaning it's like a percentage based on factors or whatever. They then select a random car to gain physics and collision and accelerate it in a random direction. Any car hit becomes a physics object with collision as well. Idk if making wacky intersections causes more accidents, but it's still cool as hell.

[@asj3419]

It would be really ironic if accidents turn out to just have a flat per-car percentage chance of happening. It feels like his intersections where weirdly safe from the stats.

[@julibean5125]

@@asj3419 it is essentially that. Accidents are random, only the amount of cars will differ with the location, since you can involve more cars on an intersection.

[@goldenindustries]

@@asj3419 Its a percentage on each road segment. I doubt traffic flow changes it

[@Ghostly3011]

@@goldenindustriesSo if you made each road of several segments, then accidents would happen more often?

[@NothingXemnas]

I am thinking that, if traffic accidents are a percentage based on car amount/density, then ironically there would be more accidents on SLOWER traffic. Cities Skylines classically sets speed limits based on the type of street/road, and the slower the speed limit, higher is the amount of cars per kilometer or mile. So basically, making a very crowded, very car-centric city with low speed 4-lane streets could DRASTICALLY increase the amount of cars per mile of pavement and consequently the rate of accidents.

[@commanderkevin996]

People are discussing 15 minute cities. Meanwhile Vale over here creating a 15 hour village

[@jake748]

Everybody else creating a 15 fps city

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

Least horrifyingly inefficient city in Texas.

[@mediaspam9696]

@spiffingbrit

[@onrch]

Truly, the American Dream.

[@miscellaneous2160]

@@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563 As a Texan, yeah

[@iYehuk]

Can't wait for "No Despawn mod" and "Drivable cars"

[@tac6557]

"lemme drive that truck"

[@patrickt101]

@@tac6557lemme fly dat plane 👀

[@tac6557]

@@patrickt101 blind asian driving a plane?

[@tac6557]

@@patrickt101 bro they deleted my asian driver comment for hate speech LMAO

[@selectionn]

@@tac6557 they delete almost everything slightly offensive now, its incredibly cringe. Ive gotten like 10 warnings so far, and a 24hr comment ban once. they are going full fun police it seems

[@redstone59]

needs more 8 lanes merging into 2 lanes and back to 8 again

[@thedeathray8620]

So, a french toll-booth?

[@phyllotaxis]

Boston hell

[@JuneNafziger]

@@thedeathray8620at least toll booths force you to be not at full highway speed at the merge point

[@Marshall.R]

@@phyllotaxis At least Boston has some semblance of decent public transit, you need to gut all public transportation and walkability/bikeability for optimal suffering

[@Astro_weeeeee]

16 lanes, merge into 2, toll booth at each merge, back to 16, back to 2 with another booth, repeat for 500 miles

[@NatjoOfficial]

Need to give this to one of those KZbinrs who fix cities and stuff, message them anonymously “hey, I’ve got this really really bad traffic problem in my city, can you take a look at it for me?”

[@tosfanax8322]

I was thinking the same thing!

[@coalzilla8567]

Absolutely, great idea

[@juliancalero8012]

"also can you try too keep the aesthetics of the city"

[@graye2799]

You mean the armchair urban planners.

[@ocomolinaehain1795]

That and RTGame

[@galaksina]

All I want to see now is the natural followup: What's the worst, slowest, longest and most hellish road Valefisk could come up with.

[@thedeathray8620]

Even though it's a different game, he has a video about a bus route going 1 way that takes 10 years in-game.

[@lagg1e]

I have no mouth but I must bus. It's likely he already did that. It's a bit like snowpiercer but everyone is conscripted into the bus driving service.

[@galaksina]

@@thedeathray8620 Oh right, I do remember that. Perhaps a twist could be giving a really messed up road and telling people to try and untangle the mess of a pasta dish that is roadways.

[@midori_the_eldritch]

​@@galaksinayes.

[@Dr_mafario]

@@galaksina Hmm… oh god, imagine if vale made that highway in city skylines 2, busses and all… but each bus has to double back in a poorly designed bus route

[@184thearchitect2]

> tries to maximize car crashes > accidentally reinvents traffic calming, a genuine strategy to reduce accidents

[@PointsofData]

Task failed successfully??

[@TheFlutterQueen]

​@@PointsofDatatask succeeded unsuccessfully

[@Dunryan]

What in the vid was traffic calming?

[@torbergqvist8151]

@@Dunryan Creating traffic jams

[@Villain_in_Glasses]

At least if you work as a hearse driver in this city you can do no wrong. Set off whenever the hell you feel like it and by the time you reach the city someone will have died of old age.

[@timothymclean]

I'm disappointed that the corpse pit is just a big hole with some cemeteries in the bottom, and not a chasm with bridges over it where your traffic accidents take place.

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

2:58 *The word Valefisk is looking for is “traffic incidents.”* *Because “accidents” implies there’s no one to blame.*

[@heartysquid]

Mornin Angle!

[@valoeghese]

Is this a Hot Fuzz reference

[@PointsofData]

​@chinsaw2727 I'm glad you added "road" because "Valefisk Incident" could be indicating ten different things in each individual video he makes

[@macnbac3476]

Traffic intentionals

[@TwoSouls_VII]

If he's strictly looking for deaths, it would be "traffic fatalities". Though the terminology changes based on the PD in the city.

[@tempest_asf]

i cant believe vale Gerrymandered the city so he could witness more car accidents instead of just hearing about them

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

redlining moment

[@patrickt101]

@@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563this comment and reply are increidble

[@Craighawk234]

As someone from Houston this is a pretty accurate representation of the city, 10/10

[@queuedjar4578]

It got a little too real when he started making all the residential areas random ass snaking labyrinths with one exit into tollways/freeways. For those unenlightened literally just pull up houston on google maps and look at the roadways for city design lovecraft horror. It's beautiful in a very cursed way.

[@josearteaga295]

Bro was just going to say that

[@enuinrose]

I love the fact he went to recycling, twice. While looking for cemeteries/crematoriums.

[@rubbykibress7808]

don't want to create any waste now do we?

[@genericuser984]

the rigor mortis adds a, strong and chewable texture :)

[@LoneWolf-qq9oy]

It's called alternate food services

[@PointsofData]

Wha, never heard of soylent before? Snowflake

[@NovelPond]

Least sane Urban planer. Where are all the highways that split poor neighbourhoods. 2/10 please add more lane.

[@Angry_Cinnamion_toast]

well more lanes = less crashes

[@patrickplus9815]

Hi noval

[@DrawerSkull]

just one more lane...

[@NovelPond]

plsplsplsplspls@@DrawerSkull

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

​@@Angry_Cinnamion_toast it was Einstein who once said:just one more lane

[@ParadoxAAA]

Not even halfway through, but as a Houstonian, I can say you've successfully made Houston 2. Your only obstruction to ultra traffic chaos is not having Houston drivers.

[@selectionn]

there should be a policy thing you can implement that deletes the speed limit so we can truly emulate Texas and New york drivers

[@Jabbersac]

add a "Boston drivers" mod where everyone on the road is a homicidal maniac

[@bizooty]

Can mix it up with the comatose California drivers. Nothing says safe like going 35 in a 65

[@Wise_That]

I love how Vale keeps trying to invent new, terrible highways to cause accidents, but keeps finding that the normal pattern of "stroad" design with one big wide road that has all the services on it is way worse than he can purposefully engineer.

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

I love how, when thinking of what the best techniques to maximize road fatalities could possibly look like, Vale immediately went for suburban sprawls, stroads, nonsense intersections, and redlining, then proceded to integrate elevated highways and inaccessible healthcare into it. When a maniac wishes to imagine how to maximize deaths on the road, they think of America.

[@lagg1e]

To be fair, stroads are a crime against common sense.

[@Cdrsan]

my neighborhood, yes in real life, is a 1.5 car wide road, can barely pass by others, and it leads to a 4 way intersection with A 7 LANE HIGHWAY, like huh???? It's actually hell lmao

[@beatthegreat7020]

Ah, my favorite Pole.

[@faustinpippin9208]

@@Cdrsan can i get the name of the street? im really curious how this looks like

[@ThatOliveMrT]

We truly live in a society Bottom text

[@my_kneecaps7706]

22:16 I regularly go on trips to rural Vermont, and am happy to confirm that gravel road bridges are totally common. They just lay it onto a concrete & steel bridge the same way they do onto the dirt. During hurricane Irene the wooden and metal bridges made out mostly fine, in varying degrees of being knocked over - but when the nearby gravel one went down it WENT. Looked a miniature, bridge-shaped landslide. Ofc, its not really any worse - its not like you're gonna use a damaged bridge, regardless of what its made of. But the gravel spilling into the water definitely adds something to the, uh... aesthetic?

[@trekt9641]

I love how near every detail of this hellhole is directly inspired by US-American city design

[@mellow_mallow]

really makes me feel right at home having come from Arizona. The loop 202 is fucking insane, multiple accidents a day almost every day. I know because I had to take it to school and every morning there was a new accident. Sometimes in the afternoon too. Fun times

[@Solll0]

Most Sane CS2 Player

[@killer_of_moscal31]

That's ain't no counter strike 2

[@MeLoNarXo]

Didn't expect to find out that Solll is Norwegian by looking at his pfp

[@NocturnalTyphlosion]

almost as sane as martin :)

[@skeletonwizard708]

In the defense of everyone litterally dying to move to Big Harry Legs, that really would be like a heart-stoppingly gorgeous view.

[@StarWarsGirl2011]

i would give anything to get replays of the traffic accidents from the reports. i want to see the tumble.

[@PointsofData]

Someone will mod that, don't worry

[@soot.mp3]

Oh what an omen it is, that the only structure spawned by default in Valefisk's city was a cemetery.

[@donpollo3154]

I thought the title said 'Minimising Traffic Accidents in Cities Skylines 2' and I thought that was out of character for Valefisk until I saw it actually said 'Maximising', causing me to say 'THAT'S MY BOY' out loud and frightening my dog

[@MossyMoht]

Well now the title is “I have no mouth, but i must traffic” soo

[@asherwoodrow7471]

@@MossyMoht it was probably changed because it wasnt doing very well in the algorithm, it happens all the time with thumbnails as well

[@donpollo3154]

@@MossyMoht rip my comment then

[@GlitchDX]

I'd like to see valefisk and spiffingbrit pass a save file back and forth and see what kind of hell they brew up.

[@luvenin]

Add Let's Game it Out to that save file!

[@PointsofData]

RTGame too

[@dragon_draws]

maybe stick graystillplays in there too

[@edwardtrollip4913]

With DougDoug on the side

[@HawooAwoo]

One article I saw mentioned that a major factor on road accidents was road quality with unmaintained roads having a much higher likelihood of resulting in accidents while newly constructed/modified roads are much less likely to have accidents. P.S. I also suspect that when the game decides a car is going to have an accident it will more-or-less keep its current speed when "going out of control"; which means if a traffic jam car that's not moving gets into an accident, it doesn't actually go anywhere and just rotates a bit

[@rannnoch]

Lost all of my extended family on our convoy up death highway, but at least my car made it and we got to see the Slam Dunkrates statue. I pray we survive the way back down.

[@TokuMGTT]

If you don't, just know that no one of significance will see it happen until your life is already over as you sit in your smoldering husk of a car. The traffic flies by, hundreds of feet above you. It's a Monday. They need to get to work. It's been happening so often now that they've simply stopped caring. The hearses don't run in this place - burying your dead in the yard is tradition at this point. But no one will bury you. The camera pans over to your lifeless body. A royalty-free "ding" sound effect reverberates across the skies in an ear-splitting cacophony. The uncaring god of the machine deems you unnecessary to the continued rendering of the universe. The camera pans away. You disappear. but fuck socrates was REALLY ballin hard so it was worth it i guess idfk

[@rannnoch]

@@TokuMGTT And now my soul is trapped in the ball pit, forevermore sancionados o7

[@Nixz_Leon]

Imagine the average fuel mileage, the absolute horrors

[@cybersaiyan9596]

imagine leaving with a full gauge and running out of gas in traffic.

[@pizza-for-mountains]

28 feet per gallon

[@wendewang673]

28 gallons per foot@@pizza-for-mountains

[@MountainSoftware1984]

Vale is the worlds greatest civil engineer

[@lagg1e]

unreal civil engineer plays.

[@thversagnamorethingi]

A ci-evil engineer if you will

[@bigerik4600]

not so civil engineer

[@patrickt101]

Every American city needs his expertise tbh, imagine LA with Vale as mayor 🫡

[@patrickt101]

@@lagg1eunderrated comment my friend, this has to be one the highest IQ references I’ve seen in a YT comment before

[@spynosocks]

valefisk never fails to dissapoint

[@Sunfurian]

So what's it you're disappointed about?

[@manboy4720]

valefisk always succeeds to not impress.

[@ventedbus4917]

Do you watch the lesbian furry tf2 mod user?

[@BierBart12]

@@Sunfurian Dude probably came from Schlatt's vids, where commenting something like this is a meme

[@spynosocks]

@@ventedbus4917 puro?

[@EdenNeedsAYoutubeHandle]

The people using that crosswalk are playing a game of Frogger with their lives every time they step into that intersection.

[@codyross7628]

As a Texan, this is very accurate to my average rush hour

[@ronaldyang2295]

I loved it when Vale saved for the Negev in CS2 to clutch for overtime. Those roads didnt stand a chance.

[@maivioz]

Look guys looook! He said BALLS!!!!!!

[@BlatantFix]

"I have the sinking feeling I'm going to sound sound psychotic" - Vale were you under the illusion you've ever sounded sane?

[@Predator20357]

Valefisk scares me with how he wants to cause more suffering than an Urban Planner seeing someone Homeless

[@BrutalJambon]

The end theory could also be that the devs aren't in the business of actually rendering accidents happening for a city builder, like it's not *that* kind of game. So accidents are a thing to simulate problems with traffic and road planning, but there isn't anything to see beyond a car suddenly changing it's state to an "accident".

[@Shaggyladd]

Accidents are simulated. I've seen em happen. Just not particularly common

[@sylveon_exe]

Vale never fails to create the Kiln of the First Flame in every city building game he plays, quite inspirational

[@cloudkid1294]

That intersection looked like one of those puzzle games where you have to move different cars to make way for 1 specific car

[@lonewolfplays8084]

Vale, this is for _SCIENCE!_ You're the first one to go in depth on this mechanic, making you the primary source of knowledge!

[@JokingThief]

Gotta love the deep philosophical discussion in _I Have No City and I Must Skylines._

[@nathaniellazo5912]

How many car accidents per vehicle? Vale: "Yes"

[@PrepareToDie0]

Should be more like vehicles per car accident am I right?

[@meowsicle7463]

I want a higher than 1:1 ratio on my desk by friday

[@nathaniellazo5912]

@thisguy00 I was thinking how many accidents are on all vehicle records in the city, but yours works too

[@spynix0718]

"The more disgusting ans badly planned this is the better." - Vale. - The person who invented the American Suburb.

[@thewolfofthestars1847]

*shakes fist* ROBERT MOSES

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

To be fair to American suburbs, they were designed to be spread out to minimize casualties/maximize survivors in the event that the Cold War went Hot, because even nukes have limits to theur blast radius.

[@justiceleague3000]

They need to add a "replay accident" feature. Maybe right-click on the accident symbol, select "replay accident" and a little window pops open showing the moment of impact and some of the aftermath. With larger cities, it's just not possible to ever get to witness the moment of impact unless you get really lucky. It can help players to diagnose and fix the issue that is causing the accidents.

[@johnathan6992]

As a Civil Engineering and Urban Planning student, I can confirm that Vale is truly a pro gamer

[@kuiper443]

I keep forgetting Valefisk exists until he posts a new horror project and it happens to show up in my feed. Always a treat to see what the most recent monstrosity he's made is :)

[@BunkerFox]

The most American thing Vale has ever said "We'll have the buses go to neighbourhoods, that'll be hell"

[@RamadaArtist]

I like how, during the winter, the cars get covered in snow, but no one uses a snow brush, or even their wipers, so they just drive around seeming blind with their windshields covered in snow, and yet *somehow* still manage to not constantly crash into things.

[@heck_n_degenerate940]

“There’s no wiki I can go to and find the perfect formula for traffic accidents.” I thought you were American Vale, just go outside and take a look at our road layouts.

[@xann2681]

You should build a city that is 100% on the side of a mountain and offroad accidents ALWAYS have the person fall at the side of the mountain into an inescapable pit, so you can see all offroad accidents piled up in a hole

[@Astrodexterous]

Regardless of the state the game is releasing in, I absolutely love that Paradox works with creators to promote their new games, both sponsored and unsponsored. Reviews from actual CS players will always be preferable to reviews from games journalists.

[@brandonschwertley2723]

I am convinced Vale was on the board of directors meeting at Vault Tec on what to do with the vault's in Fallout.

[@lagg1e]

"Have one with human sacrifice". "So we can prove that humans are inherently good and will simply refuse?" "...yes..."

[@selectionn]

@@lagg1e Thats Vault 11 in fallout new vegas! just cleared it in my playthrough. unfortunately a very boring vault in the game honestly.

[@brandonschwertley2723]

@@lagg1e And we'll give this one lots of guns, because that's safe right

[@henrynagel7175]

This reminds me so much of all your pre 2020 videos. Honestly kind of a nostalgia trip

[@nickkonkle541]

the concept of a malicious traffic engineer is so funny to me

[@Timoruz]

This feature is literally the only thing I wanted from the sequel and somehow you’re the first I see actually cover it in detail.

[@M-I-LK]

As someone who lives directly next to houston, this is pretty uncanny how accurate this is.

[@smoothlyrough512]

I love how they are driving with snow covered windshields. Most realistic city builder 🤦

[@localidiot1012]

As a civil engineer you make my blood boil with this city

[@nickjonker503]

I'm dutch and the terror I felt around 14:29 is unreal. How could you do this.

[@HolyDeathFridge]

I see what you meant about "sounding like an absolute maniac" the other day.

[@3044Smike]

so to create more accidents, based on what devs have said, merging lanes at intersections and high speeds are the largest contributing factors, high speed turns are recipes for launching cars off roads but they have to start slight or they'll slow down too much accidents are like a proc based on random factors; if a car flys off and lands on a road any additional cars below will cause additional accidents

[@Kikox4]

Valefisk: Creates the worst junction imaginable Americans: "I drive through 5 of those on my way to get milk"

[@quarreneverett4767]

So is that why people say their dad went for.milk and never returned

[@jordanayling9841]

Vale is worried about sounding psychotic when it's just him torturing simulated people. Not realising he sounds psychotic when it's just him torturing his friends.

[@nniicckk1223]

I was literally thinking about the story of I Have No Mouth and must scream, literally 30 seconds before opening youtube and being suggested this video. I am truly terrified that technology has somehow accessed my thoughts to give me targeted suggestions.

[@ndt_dynamite2247]

7:45 water pushing cars around was a feature in the first game, so yeah they probably did do that in the sequel.

[@rynnziolkowski4642]

Valefisk: First time in a while its just me recording, i might probably sound psychotic Vale 5 seconds later: Is casually exhuming an entire cemetary and moving it multiple times

[@austinmajeski9427]

I'd call this episode _"Placebo"_ Taking away the ability to clear accidents, does not mean reducing the likelihood of causing accidents.

[@Virtrial]

Wow I sure to love typical American city design

[@Taitou25]

That good city you shared clips of looks INCREDIBLE!

[@literallyastick5400]

You have successfully re-created India’s infrastructure.

[@tl_s__w_t]

idea: one way roads only the only connection between the two seperate cities is 20 seperate roads going through a smorgasbord of bridges over roads for no reason to merge onto one road to then split back into 20 roads and some of them don't have ends and just go into circles that you can't leave because it's a one way road

[@propelledgaming9441]

I would scream at this traffic but I have no mouth

[@BlueJay73FFS]

It takes you multiple years to make it into the city, it's very possible that you and/or your family members may die along the way, but once you make it there's an amazing view that shows off nature's majesty. Vale just reinvented the Oregon Trail.

[@Major-Pleasure]

Love seeing an old school "Vale plays a game alone and loses his mind" style video, felt amazing to see again.

[@vidogams]

You sound mental going "Im looking for the accidents, i know they are happening where are they"

[@fidd0042]

Vale's nasally laugh get me every time. The amount of fun he is having is evident.

[@DarkChaos87]

There are no problems. Accidents are preventable. Collisions are the things of beauty.

[@randomphoenix20]

I hereby declare my belief that a torture video playing war thunder stock should be made.

[@Enderismid]

6:23 As a Houston born, I love the shout out of the Katy freeway

[@ComedicLetter]

As instructor once said: there are no car accidents, only car crashes. Basically saying if you wreck your car, someone was doing something wrong

[@JossThomas-Jones]

I really like how Paradox has dealt with the PR for these games. Watching several of my favourite youttubers play it in a genuine and not forced context has been lovely. I might actually buy this game.

[@pingcrose]

Its always a good day when vale posts

[@kabob0077]

10:02 Only Vale could make something this cool and Aesthetic by complete accident.

[@TrapeZoid_-117]

I love how Valefisk looks at online resources that say “here’s how to play the game effectively!” And thinks, “If I do the exact opposite, that would be a great video."

[@SomeoneYouDontKnowOfficial]

Pretty sure it just generates accidents in bad traffic areas where you aren't watching in patterns that are "realistic" to what could happen given the conditions. It's quite telling that you never actually saw an accident like it showed in the press release footage, the only time you "saw" an accident was at 34:03 and if you look carefully, nothing moved until *after* the accidents were generated, then cars started going around the accident. You can only actually see the accident generation with the one that was just to the left of the text on the road but in front of the bus thanks to the way it was edited and it looked like the car just turned magically.

[@tromedlovdrolmai]

I'm still hoping to see a Second Annual Joe's Mongoose race video this year, and maybe even a 3rd next year.

[@nonutnewplayer1507]

Im imagining let's game it out's reaction when he sees this chaos, i think he might put more chaos

[@RADZIO895]

you're *the second* content creator who, after getting early acces to CS2, decided to recreate houston

[@m.ccheddarbox874]

I still can't get the effin game to work. I named my 1st city "performance issues," and it's held true to its name.

[@Angry_Cinnamion_toast]

its a good day when valefisk uploads

[@karelpgbr]

14:32, Yeah. as a Dutchman, I am indeed shaking and in tears...

[@Shadowrunner123]

When valefisk says his next content is 'longer', it is a threat and a promise and has the Jojo's Bizarre adventure ***[MENACING]*** tag floating behind it.

[@davespriter]

ive found that the gravel road as an entrance to a highway is just how roads are in the southern US

[@oscarbp7618]

Hey Vale, thanks for making this video, i had a house fire on friday and it is monday. Thanks for giving me entertainment

[@eloryosnak4100]

35:16 Vale says "why would anyone be here" And then describes America

[@taru3374]

Vale you should get a job in designing more USA citys

[@Vooman]

Vale, making infrastructural support for cars so bad that walking 10 miles is preferrable: "I don't get it why aren't there more car crashes"

[@P_64P]

As a Texan, I can say this is exactly what it is like living here

[@nicorozner7417]

Safest American road infrastructure

[@P_64P]

@@nicorozner7417 More like Safest Road Structure in the World