I Lost my Family & Moved to Taiwan | Channel Update

It's been a long time since I last told you all about what's been happening in my life. I've wanted to talk about the collapse of my marriage and losing my daughters but couldn't until now. I know that I was a bit vague on some of the details but as I'm still trying to work out a relationship with my daughters' mother (and still wife), I'll save the long "saga" for another time. Thank you for all of your support and look forward to bringing you all more videos in the near future.

[@Sihlangu.M]

God be with you, you are strong.🙏🏿🌻🌻

[@ryfree]

Thank you mam!

[@johnryan5102]

Best of luck bro, really happy to hear your mushroom trip helped to give you some clarity!

[@ryfree]

Thank you John!

[@Diana_Free]

I got a bit teary eyed listening to this, Ryan. I can’t believe that you’ve been apart from your wife and daughters for so long. I kept wanting to ask you if your wife was having any luck trying to get your Japan visa approved, but I didn’t want to pry. I’m gutted to hear that you had thoughts of suicide since your an incredible person who is loved by many. You did a good job hiding your personal life in some of your recent videos I watched. Your a strong person for coming up with this solution. I hope your family visits you asap and that your wife will want to work things out with you. Hopefully you’ll enjoy making Taiwan your home. I send my love 💕

[@ryfree]

Thank you Diana, your words mean a lot to me. I had wanted to share what was happening to my family for a long time but I was so conflicted inside and could never muster the resolution to go public. It really was sorta like an enantiodromia, where I got so terribly full of despair before I finally found some light to help me understand that my life was still worth something and that brighter days lay ahead. In any case, my deepest appreciation for all of your kind words and hope to keep in better contact with you in the future. Please never hesitate to message me privately and wish you all the best!

[@Diana_Free]

@@ryfree Yeah, no problem. That must’ve been very tough and challenging. It’s harder when you keep things inside, but I’m glad you opened up eventually and was met with good support. I’m impressed that you did share on here since it’s so personal. I’m so happy that you found motivation to live and to find positivity in such a frustrating situation. Yes, I’d be glad to keep in contact more. Thank you. I wish you all the best, too!!

[@Diana_Free]

Thanks and feel free to message me privately anytime, too.

[@marcoreviews]

@@ryfree sorry to hear about your rough ride man! I am glad you were able to muster the courage to think logically in such a bad state of affairs and find a job that could lead you to (closer to your loved ones) happiness once more. #stayepic

[@ryfree]

@@marcoreviews Thank you Marco!!

[@arunbear]

Good luck Ryan ❤️

[@ryfree]

Thank you!

[@LN-fi1nf]

Ryan, without going into detail, I also lost my family about a year ago. So, I returned to my hometown and am now around my siblings again, which has helped me immensely this past year. And, I also just recently began feeling that I've lost the intensity of the sadness and depressed moods that I had been experiencing this past year. I thought about it, how I have started noticing that I am feeling like I'm doing alright again. The deep moods for days and sudden sadness with periods of crying have stopped visiting me in the way that they had. I'm feeling good more. The other day, I thought to look up the 5 stages of grief. And, I realized that that is what I had probably been going through. Because now, I've accepted it, and I feel better and able to move on. So, I just wanted to suggest that looking those up, the grief steps, and considering them might be helpful for you too. I'm not suggesting that we have experienced the same exact things or to be presumptuous in any way. And, I hope that you take this comment in the way that I meant it, to only be helpful. I'm sorry that that that happened to you, and I think you are doing your best, and it is a good thing. I hope that you find good experiences and genuine connections in your new home.

[@ryfree]

Hi L N, thank you for sharing your experience. The way you described it sounds very similar to what I went through. It was right around the one year mark that I noticed a big shift in how I felt and I quite agree that surrounding oneself with loved ones and loved activities is medicine for the soul. I'll take a look at the 5 stages that you mentioned. Indeed, so much of my suffering came from an inability to accept the truth of what happened and what my new family situation was. Goodness gracious, I even knew that was the source of my suffering but I refused to acquiesce to it. But eventually acceptance did happen and everything about the situation became much lighter. I'm not necessarily recommending you take them, but magic mushrooms also gave me a positive paradigm shift in understanding myself, my wife, and what happened between us. In any case, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with me-please never hesitate my friend.

[@D--man]

Sorry to hear about what went on. It is a great idea, now that you are somewhere better in your life to go to Taiwan. A different and wonderful place (my 2nd home). I hope that at least you get to see your children soon. Whether or not it works out with your wife, I hope that there continues to be mutual respect and hope for each other's happiness, however that might occur (at least for the children's sake). Take care & I'm happy to hear that you're in a better place.

[@ryfree]

Thank you D-man. I'm hoping for exactly what you described (mutual goodwill towards one another) and look forward to seeing my two daughters whenever that day might arrive. Until then, I'll continue to enjoy my time in your second home-so far, I think it's a wonderful place. All the best!

[@mauriceforget7869]

Man, I feel deeply for you, you remind me so much of myself at your age. I think you are a great person, courageous and full of witt. I'm sure you'll go on right as a sun beam. You're young and powerfull. If you practice meditation it helps clear the mind. Take care.

[@ryfree]

Thank you man. I'm trying my best to surf this wave and not crash into the rocks. So far so good! Great to hear from you.

[@JaYoeNation]

Damn man. Well…. A new chapter awaits. Get writing!

[@ryfree]

Will do, with my favorite pen no less 😉

[@michael0721]

life is a journey, sometimes like a game, sometimes i felt it's a movie, hope you can get new wonderful life. taiwan is a place beautiful, enjoy it.

[@MarkinDali]

been a while since watching your videos, so doing a binge today, sorry to hear about the break up, im, strangely enough, going through the same thing, I've had two failed marriages, (first 13 and second 10 years) first marriage I had two sons with, so can raletd to the being apart from your children, the second marriage, she was from China, did not work out..blar blar..still good friend thou, no children, but a stepdaughter... like you sobbed for weeks, dark thoughts about ending it, still do, even after two years of being apart...and like you have to move on and rebuilding..so I'm in the process of selling my house and looking to going to Thailand, Vietnam, China or Taiwan..to retire in the next couple of years...so looking forward to hearing your views and insight on the culture and lifestyle there in Taiwan...take care and good luck with reconnecting with family...Peace and JaYoe

[@ryfree]

Thanks for sharing Mark and glad our paths have crossed once again. I hope you don't mind me saying this but from your Facebook posts, I suspected you may have suffered much. There's a certain sensitivity in the way you write that I think only comes from a deeper understanding of pain. For myself, I still find it difficult at times to find a reason to live and dream about reuniting with my girls. Perhaps it's wishful thinking or maybe just finding a silver lining, but tragedy does seem part and parcel with the life of artists and creatives in general. Some of my favorite writers only wrote because they needed to unburden themselves of the feelings that had inside them. Wish you all the best luck in all of your endeavors my friend, both creative and mundane.

[@ginafraser8808]

So glad to know that you have landed in Taiwan smoothly, Teacher Ryan. Thank you for your sharing your Life--your story to people from all over the world via KZbin. I am your loyal listener. I hope you will be reunited with your family in Taiwan in the near future. I think American husband is the best and the most romantic husband in the world base on my own personal experience. They respect their wives, treating them as the honorable queens(to be frank, their wives are just similar to their leaders/bosses/higher-ups, although sometimes they can be self-willed like a child) which is completely different from the traditional eastern family. And I guess I have learned a little about the cultural/religious conflict between eastern society and western society. In the traditional Chinese family, husband is just a leader, wife is a follower. Traditional Chinese girls are indoctrinated with such kind of Confucian thought from childhood. Yeah, Confucian thoughts play a leading role in the traditional eastern family! However, the western/European knight spirit still permeates in the blood of the white man! ​

[@ryfree]

Thank you as always Gina for watching and sharing your honest thoughts and opinions. You have a very valuable perspective and I treasure hearing it. Yes, it's true that quite often the woman runs the show in American households. That was one of the reasons I thought a Japanese wife would suit me better but little did I know that they can become bossy themselves! Yes, the chivalrous spirit is still alive in many of us but gender roles in the West are changing quickly. I haven't read much of Confucius but I remember many of my students in China quoting him quite regularly so I'm not surprised that his philosophy still holds a dominant say over the minds of many Chinese. Do you think China is changing much these days in regards to men, women, and marriage?

[@ginafraser8808]

Oh, I think that China is still a Male-dominated Confucianism country till now. But along with more and more high-educational Chinese women, there is a special phenomenon --剩女/leftover women in the big cities! At the same time, in the widespread countryside, there are more and more leftover men now. Do you guess why？ The expensive "bride price/彩礼' they fail to afford.（彩礼 are betrothal gifts from the bridegroom to the bride's family. (It is said that there are the similar 彩礼customs in Iran which I have learned from an Iranian beauty who is good at Chinese in Douyin app--Chinese Tiktok.) I must say my short cross -nation marriage has made me learn a series of cultural/custom conflicts including wedding and funeral. God, I don't know why I must taste the overall process from heaven to hell all of sudden! It is a big surprise for me to learn that in US the wedding (and the wedding cost) is unexpectedly held by the bride's family. God, if Chinese bride's family doesn't charge any 彩礼，the bridegroom is just greatly blessed. How can make the bride's family bear the cost？Such a strange and incredible thing, eh？ As for the funeral in China, if husband died in a young age, his funeral should be held by his parents instead of his wife who even shouldn't show up in his funeral in case that she intends to remarry later; if died in old age, by his adult children(especially the adult sons). So it is required by the inheritance law of China that the spouse/wife, parents and children have the common right to inherit husband's property. I can't do anything without his American family's cooperation or waiver in China. (I really don't know why I must be responsible for his funeral in China lonely...since my parents never charge any 彩礼. Such an usually cruel cultural/law conflict/collision!) Yeah, in China traditionally husband is a leader, wife should be obedient to husband who has paid a "bride price". However some Chinese women can become very bossy, being a big master in the family after marriage, too. Especially after they become a mother, kids just become a powerful weapon for them to control/manipulate husband. Maybe I can understand how your Japanese wife feels a little even if I am extremely ignorant about Japanese family custom. (after all, China and Japan both belong to the eastern society.) Marriage is never only about love itself. Marriage is more like a kind of business which needs to be taken good care and maintained by both sides--husband and wife. Pitifully at that time I didn't understand my husband's difficult situation in China. After all it is such a hard thing for a not-young American to live in a foreign country lonely--a lot of barriers on language, customs and food, etc. Whereas he shouldn't understand my sufferings, either. I guess your Japanese wife must come from a good family. She is accustomed to be protected and looked after by her parents family. You see, although I am from a low poor Chinese family, I am spoiled by my parents all along, later I worked under my official relative. I really have no ability to deal with a lot of troublesome and complicated red tapes/visa/paper which tortured me to be nearly ill and very unfortunately my mother--my biggest support was ill seriously at the same time. I sincerely hope that you can have a good negotiation with your Japanese wife since I can feel you really love her. Just be more considerate to her....and the same time you should tell her how you feel--your sufferings(you are so heartbroken that you want to kill yourself). Or I doubt which aspect you mean in regards to man, woman and marriage. I notice homosexual marriage has been aboveaboard and legal in US, and Americans are even sensitive to their own gender, but in China homosexual marriage is unimaginable. Gays/Lesbians are just a kind of deep taboo, although they must exist under the table. All in all, I have paid such a huge price for the ignorance about the difference on marriage culture/custom as well as visa policy between China and US. I sincerely pray that my heavy lesson can be of a little use to solve your current family issues. I believe your Japanese wife still loves you deeply since you are such a charming man- being loved by so many people! For my part, you are just an existence of God-like(being a teacher, model, and actor...)!

[@ryfree]

@@ginafraser8808 You never fail to amaze me with the depth of breadth of your knowledge my friend. You've raised many interesting points and it's always good to hear your perspective. I should say that I totally agree with you that though custom might dictate that a man should be lord over his family, it is generally the woman (after she has children especially) that comes to the throne of power. This phenomenon crosses many cultural boundaries and continues to frustrate and enlighten the male species as to his true place in the world, lol. My wife is a lovely woman who can be very sweet but she also has a very vengeful and spiteful side if she feels crossed. In any case, I'm hoping we can work it out over the long run and that we all seek each others' happiness. Love can take many shapes and is almost never static. I wish you all the best on your continuing troubles dealing with your late husband's family and the banking system. I hope that justice will prevail. All the best from your friend Ryan.

[@ginafraser8808]

Thank you so much for regarding yourself as my friend, Teacher Ryan！I only want you to know that I cherish your friendship beyond your imagination！ Oh, now I think I have understood your marriage situation a little. Maybe I just hit the nail on the head by speaking out the fact that woman/wife is not always the follower in the family even if in such a traditional Male-dominate Confucianism society--China. The husband's family status can be changed, so can wife's! Once they become mother, they got the power gradually（especially after they give birth to a son)! Maybe you thought that the Eastern women, especially Japanese women are always sweet, tender, gentle and obedient in the family at the beginning which is one of the reasons why you married eastern woman and later you realized you might be wrong！ Sorry, I really never realized that when I tried to seek help from you, you were in trouble with your own marriage. In short, no matter what result your marriage has, I sincerely hope you can be always happy, passionate and strong! At the same time I pray you would come to teach English in Chinese university again! Maybe you can go to Zhengzhou university(the capital of Henan province) where I first saw American teachers about 20 years ago--a very exciting and beautiful memory! And I am also looking forward to being your guide in Xinjiang, crossing the Gobi desert and tremendous huge red mountains named 火焰山/Flaming Mountains, tasting the famous local food--lamb pilaf！ Recently I have tried to contact my late husband's son and ex-wife again. It seems that they are really a hard nut to crack! They are coldhearted, not interested in listening to any of my explanation about China. They refuse to help me solve his bank account both in China and US!(It is because for them, it is only a very tiny amount of money. If big money, they would fly to China directly at that time to deal with their father's funeral. Fearing to go to China should only be a kind of excuse! But for me, it means a lot, especially his account in US. I really need your help to help me check what kind of fund account it is. I have the paper/certificate of it at hand. 1 dollar is equal to 7 Chinese yuan, and now US dollar is rising against Chinese Yuan.) I always love travelling. I notice you are just a tourism expert who have travelled a lot of countries and places such as Egypt, Italy, etc. So amazing! For my part, you are really a God-like existence! I am extremely honored to have you as my friend. Yeah, extremely honored! All my best wishes!

[@ryfree]

@@ginafraser8808 You do me too much honor my friend but I appreciate your kind words nonetheless. I'm sorry to hear that your late husband's family continues to be difficult. Sometimes there isn't anything to do about a problematic situation other than let go of trying to solve it and see what a little time and distance can bring. That's what I'm trying to do anyways. And yes, no matter what we all must face life with an open heart and a song on our lips, not allowing misfortunate to squelch the fire inside us.

[@JourneyDestination]

Men need to be warned about the toxic side of marriage.

[@ryfree]

That's true, I think both men and women don't really understand what marriage entails until they are in the thick of it. All too often we enter marriage thinking only of the joy it brings and never keep the other half of the equation in mind, largely because we're ignorant of it. Thanks for commenting.