I'm Done Fighting

[@reneeturcottecicigoi9435]

Not that my opinion probably matters, but I’m extremely proud of you Laura. You are taking the time to take care of yourself first. This is so important. There’s a reason why they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first when you’re on an airplane. You can’t help anybody if you’re not OK. And I love how you’re accepting this situation for what it is it right now and not worrying about what it could become in the future. I’ve been watching Stephen’s videos as well and I feel like he’s still in denial regarding his mental health issues. Sending much love to your whole family

[@Mrscvbuzz]

I agree with you. I had to stop following Steven because it was really difficult to sit through his videos and watch the unraveling happen in real-time. Not to compare the 2 because they are 2 different people, but he’s seeking advice and recommendations from his YT and IG followers instead of seeking inward and working on himself. He is obviously very lost right now and I hope he finds himself. I don’t know if he’s really reaching out to his sponsor or his therapist, but he is acting very co-dependent, not just with Laura, but now with his audience. This is so fresh and new and I have every hope that they’ll both make it through it in an amicable way, but I’m proud of Laura also for how she’s caring for herself.

[@jewgirl952]

I agree very much. I ended up unsubscribing to Stephen's channel.

[@WorldOfNicky]

Your opinion does matter Renee ❤️

[@brookekirrarigney3511]

It’s definitely uncomfortable to watch his videos right now, I have so much empathy for him and he’s obviously not well but absolutely he is not seeking the help he so clearly needs… Laura has to do what she needs to do for her and her kids. Do we want to see her spiral too? Also, judging how we THINK she is feeling or coping from a social media lens is odd at best. I love Laura that you talk about codependency of your relationship. So much of what you have said has resonated with me ❤️

[@lizzylizzard5193]

@@Mrscvbuzz agreed. Steven is so dependent on her and if I were Laura, I would be so exhausted. It’s a turn off to have a man like that.

[@ericahammond8761]

"Just because this one piece is a bit broken, it doesn't mean that the rest of it is. So I am grateful" 🖤 I love that. Sending you hugs!

[@complicatedcelery4781]

My ex husband and I grew up together, started dating after high school, married too soon and divorced after 7 years. I was scared at first because it was just me and our two kids (2 & 4 at the time) and I was like you, fighting against everything I couldn't control. It took about two years after the divorce for us to come together again to sit down and talk about it all. Neither of us were of the mindset of talking, just be done and move on basically. But after two years, and our brains finally fully developing due to our ages and experience of outside forces, we sat down and talked about everything from the time we started dating to our separation and divorce. At the end of that conversation we hugged and admitted that had we both had the maturity and knowledge we do now we could have made the marriage work. However, we are better friends and co parents than we ever have been in our lives. Our children are thriving and have an even more expanded family than before as I've since remarried and he's going to within the year. Sometimes it is better to fall apart, so better things can be created. There's art and beauty in destruction. ❤

[@kylabella05]

That is absolutely beautiful! What amazing parents your kids have❤️

[@whitneytucker1224]

What a beautiful heartfelt message. 💕 Thank you for sharing.

[@WorldOfNicky]

I love this! What an incredible story! Thank you for sharing this

[@deliamurphy382]

I'm so glad all worked out well for you. Great and may you always have peace and happiness. I got married again, very quickly after my divorce, which was not a good move. As i was afraid of being alone and believed this new person loved me. Anyway, both families have been torn apart. This family has never had any happiness due to the effects of the aftermath of the emotional impact on the child of my first marriage. Sometimes it just does not all end in roses. I'm sorry to say no happy endings here.

[@chey34638]

I heard a quote that I’ll remember forever: “It’s ok to go insane. Just come back”, and it almost made me feel like someone gave me permission to grieve or fall apart for a moment even though we shouldn’t feel like we need permission, but our society has made us feel like we need to constantly hold everything in and together. But it Made me feel like it was ok not to be ok, and I don’t have to hold it all together constantly. It was a big weight lifted off my shoulders and actually led to faster healing. I hope it helps you and others reading this as well.

[@andysantana3576]

My mom use to says this to me all the time and she is literally the strongest woman I know soo I second this it’s def ok to go insane at any time as long as you always come back stronger than u were yesterday

[@kaylapayne4571]

This is so powerful! Absolutely true!

[@AlleyEn1]

I love how clearly you articulate your thoughts and feelings. It almost helps me understand my own lol. I appreciate your openness and directness ❤️ I’m so glad you’re surrounded with so much love and support.

[@robingray2432]

The way you stopped that train of thought and corrected yourself was really impressive to watch. You’re doing amazing.

[@nancytitus4402]

I read a book while grieving... Called permission to mourn. It's a very good book! In a way, you are mourning a loss. There are some good tips and words of advice. I can't say I'm completely healed, but it helped me.

[@Katie-yh9tg]

The fan in me was sad when you first started talking because selfishly I want you two to end up together, but holy shit this entire talk was so empowering. I don’t know if you’ll ever know how many people needed to hear this message. God bless you, Laura. You expressed what so many people need to hear about self acceptance. The whole “living in the present” part was so on point. Praying for you and the family.

[@Winter-aka-Winnie]

"I just want stability" my god I feel that to my core. Stability and safety are not too much to ask for Laura. For some reason it's sometimes too hard to build together but you deserve it and it's as necessary as breathing. ❤️

[@wetherby1000]

Wow, I am so freaking proud of you as I listen to this. (Not that you need a stranger on the internet telling you that) but the amount of self-compassion and mindfulness in this is amazing. It’s hard to do this when our lives are going well, let alone when they’re being upended. Thank you for this wonderful reminder to stay in the present. Also boundaries are so hard, way to go sticking to your guns on the 30 days ❤️

[@oneeyewitch]

My relationship broke down 3 months ago and ive been so lost since. Watching your videos has helped me so much. Sharing what you are going through is something you never had to do. But you did and you have helped me so much. Thank you

[@krislarabee7902]

I can relate to Stephen wanting to know what is going to.happen. when I am stressed or concerned about something it is so hard for me to be in the moment. I always feel like if I could know the outcome whether good or bad, I could get through it all so much easier. But that is not how it works. We have to learn and grow through the process. I am so happy that you are focusing on yourself and your sweet babies, and living moment to moment. That will get you through! Love your positive attitude! You are a very strong woman! You've got this!

[@cheyannerice5816]

Laura, I've been writing and deleting comments I wanted to make because I couldn't find the words to say how I feel. I just feel such a strong emotions hearing you, I just have to say the one thing that keeps popping in my head every time. I am so so proud of you and how your handling this- not only for yourself but for your children. Your truly an inspiration and I know no matter how this ends up that you will be ok.

[@rosebud8646]

I did the same thing. My heart hurts for her. Going through this publicly is a very raw and selfless thing to do.

[@gearheadtechnology]

This is the most fake comment I've ever read lol

[@karengonder5119]

What a brave lady your are! I've enabled for 39 years. Here i sit at 65 years old miserable that I've allowed another human being to control my happiness. I wished I had your spirit to be able to get myself out of this situation. It's impossible at this point in my life. I've been raising grandkids for the past 17-1/2 years due to my daughters addiction. The youngest is 9. I'll be okay. Thank you for hopefully helping another person fight for their own wellbeing and forge forward.

[@cheyannerice5816]

@@gearheadtechnology Well it's a good thing it wasn't meant for you 😊

[@cheyannerice5816]

@@rosebud8646 I can't even possibly imagine. I hope she has someone who can go through the comments for her to weed out the hurtful comments. No one needs that when they are just trying to make it to the next day.

[@ashleyholt1880]

Hearing you talk about acceptance through all of this has really opened my eyes to how to grieve and process hard times. You are incredible. Don't forget it.

[@sofiejunk]

You’re amazing. I just want you to know that it got so bad with my husband, that whenever he’d start a fight with me, or got mad at me- I would swallow a bottle of pills. I did 5 x this year & twice toward the end of last year. He made me feel worthless as a human & as a mother. I’m lazy. No- I have an illness. Thank you for sharing, bc it’s waking me up to the fact that maybe I am codependent in the one relationship that I thought I wasn’t.. I am. I’ve also gotten help since then through a mental health outpatient program, so I’m doing better. But, fucking A shit is ROUGH right now. Right there with you.

[@user-uc3mu4qb6r]

I relate to this struggle so much. I went through something so similar with my own husband. When we seperated, I learned for the first time, how to be happy on my own, without relying on someone else. My darkest hours were before the moment of being 'done', when I was still obsessing over and trying to change my partner, and not looking after myself. The grief was so deep and so long, my world became so small during those years leading up to the seperation. I gave up my time, money, my friends, my dreams, everything. Giving up and seperating freed me. Deciding to seperate was me deciding that I wanted to live. It also in fact - with a touch of irony- was the thing that helped my partner, who had to then decide what kind of person to become, how he wanted to live, and what he wanted in life. Things will get better from here. I promise you it will. You are choosing life. Maybe you and Stephen can be together again one day or maybe not. For me and my husband, we got back together again after 2 years of seperation and healing, and sobriety, and have a very different and healthy relationship. Our relationship now is one that enriches and adds to my life. My happiness does not depend on this relationship, but it gives me joy. Learning to be alone and ok, is life-changing

[@courtneypoppy6155]

This really speaks recovery. Keep going. One day at a time.

[@madisonkelley94]

Practicing acceptance and realizing you are in control of your own happiness is SO powerful ♥️

[@jaydubbelyoo]

I’m so proud of you ❤️. I’m in a similar situation except I’m homeless living in a womens dv shelter. I had to leave before I relapsed. I’m a little too triggered to go into detail about the rest of it. Working the program everyday and doing the best I can to stay well. Much love to you 💕

[@GidgetnPaisley]

Praying for you. For your sobriety, your safety and your strength.

[@heatherbentley165]

Prayers. You got this. You are strong. Just the fact that you left for your wellbeing shows your priority.

[@sarahmadden4133]

Laura, I went through my “mama bear” moment when I was pregnant with my first baby. It was a hard but enlightening decision. In my opinion, my daughter saved my life by the way I thought about protecting her. In my opinion, you are a strong and healthy minded person and doing what’s best for you and that’s commendable

[@thesimpson8418]

I have 100% been where you are right now. I started watching your husbands videos because I wanted to know the other side. My ex was diagnosed manic depressive. And there was so many motions of guilt not understanding feeling like me and our son couldn’t make him happy. When I seen your video and you said you feel happy I just seen the relief on your face that I remember still to this day. You have to put you and your kids first and don’t feel guilty for that. You’re an amazing woman and mother and it’s OK to be a little lost through this but your strength will get you through.

[@alexhodge4342]

Going through this now. I’ve loved your comedy for years. BUT this podcast is 🙌🙌🙌 to me right now. Your podcast is helping me so much. Please keep making them!

[@eileenxenarios5859]

My marriage ended last year, since my husband continued to choose using over recovery. I want you to know how influential you were in me finally “clicking” and finding the moment of clarity that gave me strength to set a strong boundary around what I could no longer tolerate. I saw the video you made about your separation when Stephen had relapsed (divine timing on seeing the video). Every word you said in that video spoke directly to me. It is so hard to walk away when your love is not any less but the person isn’t doing what they need to in order to be a supportive partner. The grief and heartbreak is so strong, but the empowerment I gained by taking that step so I can work toward living my purpose keeps me going. Some of my self care activities are listening to Glennon Doyle’s podcast while walking outside, spending time with my granddaughter, and keeping my living environment comfortable by doing small, manageable tasks daily. I also went on a 2 week road trip by myself to national parks and it was terrifying and also amazing. I also let myself feel the devastation, heartbreak and sadness whenever and however it shows up. Sending you strength and love, thank you for sharing - you are not alone and you can do anything one step at a time.

[@WorldOfNicky]

THIS IS INCREDIBLE! I am so happy that you’ve found peace and made one of the hardest decisions possible for yourself. That is beautiful that you set boundaries for yourself. So inspirational. ❤️

[@WorldOfNicky]

Eileen, have you shared this story anywhere yet? I feel so many woman could benefit from your advice along the way. Especially the part about sitting with your grief and allowing yourself to feel the pain, accept it, and move forward. Love this

[@Abbie_Louise]

This comment alongside Laura's videos is so comforting to read. I'm in this exact scenario right now, although only just starting to reintroduce those boundaries so its still murky and in the middle. However specifically the comment around no change in love but having to let go, really resonates. Thank you!

[@ladyp5828]

Difference is Stephen didn’t use. He is extremely depressed. He needs support. This is why 2 ex addicts with obvious mental illness will always have these struggles. One needs to be the strong one who can support the other during hard times. The worst thing for Stephen was losing his family when he was on the verge of suicide. Laura can’t fix him but she can support him. She acts like he was just using again. He wasn’t. Her own issues clouded her help for him.

[@eileenxenarios5859]

@@ladyp5828 There’s no way to know whether Stephen is currently using right now, but he’s clearly in a place where he’s suffering and from the outside it doesn’t look like he’s stable. It’s impossible to diagnose someone from videos. People relapse long before they pick up, and there’s way more to recovery than abstaining from substances. Substance use disorders are a roller coaster, and everyone doesn’t have to go along for the ride if their loved one’s behavior is harming them emotionally, whether that behavior is due to using or other behaviors. Laura is doing what’s best for herself and her children, and it’s up to Stephen whether he gets the help he needs. Stephen mentioned that he’s getting help so hopefully he gets on a healthier path. Whether he does or not, Laura needs to look out for herself and her own stability.

[@alainacarroll1234]

My mom heart wants to wrap my arms around you and just tell you, "it's okay love! You're okay!" My heart hurts for the 2 of you right now.. You're both going to get through this but it's a difficult season but it will pass! ❤️

[@andriannawalsh931]

The harder someone pushes for resolution the more the other person feels pushed to make a Decision that other won’t be happy with. It’s so so so important to listen and understand that people need to respect other people when they tell you they need space especially when going through such hard and tumultuous times. You deserve space and peace to work through these things

[@JasminRaeee]

There’s nothing wrong with closing chapters and moving forward, embrace your independence. Be a bad ass mom and woman for yourself and your kids! You’re so incredibly strong for everything you’ve been through already and this is just another step along the way.

[@gordiigarcia2413]

Laura you're the best i love how you're yourself and that shows others that you're the best of you when you're yourself. Dont let these people that have nothing better to do bring you down you got this

[@jessicarenee7859]

You're videos lately have helped me so much. I'm getting ready to love my bf who I share a son with. 5 years, I'm not ready to live I keep hoping that our past will become present again. But I've come to realize it's never going to happen the damage of arguing, pleading and literally begging him to see me. Had broken me beyond repair. I've accepted and settled for a few years lately I snapped and refused to accept this reality and refused to accept that I am broken. I'm not broken thank you Laura. Our situations suck you're really helping alot of us out here in similar situations.

[@taylerrenee9710]

I get so extremely absolutely insanely ANNOYED when people tell me how I should be feeling! At least I can express my feelings in a healthier way than I used to! I used to bottle up emotions, drink, drug repeat and not work through my shit. I will be damned of someone tells me how I should feel, unless they’re perfect and paying my bills they have zero right telling me how to feel and same goes for you Laura!! You feel what you feel and it’s normal, it may not seem like it at times but what fuck is normal anyways?!?! Lol hugs to you, it’s tough going through this shit and being a mama, I can honestly say I feel your pain!!! These scenarios are what makes us stronger and wiser !!!!!

[@AllTheButtons87]

I agree 💯! Not everyone deals with things the same way. This is grief and she shouldn't feel obligated to make that grief public. Those commenters should be ashamed of themselves.

[@cremebrulee4759]

How you SHOULD feel is how you DO feel. Period.

[@justicebfrazier]

I’m 26 years old and don’t have a great mother figure. Thank you Laura for being like a mother / big sister to me and giving the best advice. You’re awesome. Keep sharing your truth. It helps us more than you know!

[@justhereforthevideos2798]

"It's amazing what we can do when left with no choice" That's what I always Said to people when they'd ask how I was even functioning. My husband was in a coma in critical condition, I had baby #3 during that time. And he (my husband) was 2 hours away in a trauma hospital. I felt like I was wandering through a bad dream, but I kept going on auto pilot because 3 kids looked to me to keep going ❤️❤️❤️❤️ much love to you. What you're going through is unimaginably hard. But you will persevere. Mostly because u have no choice lol ❤️❤️ Eta...... Stephen is manic right now. We can see it in the videos he's posting. His brain is screaming at him that he needs answers and some kind of control. It's grasping at anything. He is resistant to it it seems hut he needs some intensive therapy. Maybe inpatient for a while until he can stabilize. Much love to you all

[@reneeturcottecicigoi9435]

I agree with you about Stephen. I had to stop watching his videos because it’s so hard to watch somebody spiralling like that and deliberately ignoring all the comments asking him to seek medical help ☹️

[@dreamingoffall7694]

I think part of the problem is he refuses to try medication when in reality medication along with a lot of therapy could be the thing to save his life.

[@jlynnharris0725]

I totally agree💯

[@fosterfamily9525]

What you went through sounds unbelievably hard. Did your husband recover? How long before you felt "normal" again?

[@justhereforthevideos2798]

@@fosterfamily9525 it was and continues to be. After coming out of coma and off the ventilator he had to learn to walk again. But he's permanently disabled. We have 3 young kids. Tbh I've never felt normal. The first 2 weeks felt like I was wandering in a bad dream. (I had a newborn too) that surely I would wake from. Since that, I mean, I function and know it's reality. But I'll never go back to feeling "normal" we've adjusted to what I call the new normal. But I still, just idk. Don't feel like me. It's been just over 3 years since it initially happened. Thank you for asking btw

[@JanelleDionScott]

"Happiness is an inside job." ...I love it. ♥️🥰

[@TheKellarBrothersExperience]

I needed to her this today. My husband, and the father to my 3 boys has been sleeping on the couch for 3 years. I have to ask him to leave. I need that push. Your words are raw and real. Thank you.

[@tommyboy9881]

Lol what did he say about getting kicked out ?

[@haleysimpson3212]

As a mom whose mental illness has caused great suffering and inability to care for my children when I was hospitalized-it’s not always about shear strength and will. Not to come for you, just my perspective. My spiral was inescapable even with the love and commitment to my beautiful children. I appreciate how you share what helps you. I try to practice some of what you mentioned and it does help me. We are always learning and I am grateful for your voice.

[@Cassandra_69]

I was insanely happy when my fiance and I split up last year because of his need for mental help. I got to focus on me and our children and not feel trapped around him or down because I couldn't keep him happy, nice, or mentally well. Like you said, it is incredibly freeing! I'm proud of you and you got this! I will finish this video after work today! You're amazing! ❤

[@jenniferbates2811]

So true! YOU are the ONLY thing PERMANENT in your life. YOU'RE the one who is responsible for your own mental, physical, emotional and sexual health. Not the relationships you are apart of.

[@stacybarfield6778]

I’ve very codependent myself and he’s always so miserable I’m glad when he goes home for the day. 8 years and we don’t even live together. It’s always poor me and it affects my mood so much.

[@jenniferbates2811]

@@stacybarfield6778 Then why are you still together? Our mental, physical, emotional and sexual health are ALL connected. You're the person that you're going to wake up to everyday, please treat yourself like it. 8 years is a long time for unhappiness. Please read or listen to a couple of incredible books. "The Body Keeps The Score" By. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk. "Controlling People" By. Dr. Patricia Evans " Come As You Are" By. Dr. Emily Nagoski "Burnout" By. Dr. Emily Nagoski All humans grow at different rates. Codependency is am comorbidity of trauma, please read or listen to these books. 💜

[@CAThompson]

@LC Some situations are not for a partner to fix at their own expense, nor at the cost of their own happiness and wellbeing in life.

[@jenniferbates2811]

@LC 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. Please stop this kind of ignorance. "Successful" relationships have nothing to do with time. Quality and quantity are not the same thing. Good relationships are about growth, individual growth. All humans grow at different rates and that's ok. What hinders most people's growth is generational trauma and generational insecurities. Marriages aren't babysitting jobs, though most Americans treat women this way. Why anyone gets married is up to those people. Expectations and intentions of any relationship change over time, because people grow at different rates. YOU are the ONLY thing PERMANENT in your life, never your relationships and that's ok. YOU'RE responsible for your own mental, physical, emotional and sexual health. No one else. I work as Sex Coach and a ADHD Coach.

[@tammyloving8528]

“No man will dictate my happiness “ Yes Yes Yes!!! Twice divorced and it’s been 11 yrs single now. That comment there sums up my life! Take care of yourself, be as strong as you can be!

[@michaelacampo7341]

What you are describing is exactly what I am going through and watching your videos helps me feel not so alone. Thank you.

[@trishunverferth965]

You are absolutely my hero and I can’t thank you enough for sharing your life and experiences. You are so brave and honest about how this feels. I went through something very similar but fought against the inevitable for far too long. Listening to you has brought me immense peace and healing.

[@jimilopez-isa469]

Thank you for setting a positive example for parents struggling in whatever capacity to work towards healthy for the children!

[@leshacramer-papa866]

I needed this, you are amazing. You are bright shining light, we are the key to our own happiness. I ordered the book, my husband at 43 is newly diagnosed with ASD, my son newly diagnosed with ASD. I am struggling as a mom and a partner for radical acceptance, and to find my light after 15 years of survival mode, and cycles upon cycle of the same stuff. The lashing out and trauma responses, I am ready for peace and positivity in my home I am craving it and I am seeing I need to create it. You are inspiring me, I found myself clapping lol . Thank you, this gave me strength and direction. Not sure exactly what the puzzle is going to look like when it is done . However today is here, and I shall try and stay present in it. Thank you... Thank you,

[@shilohivy4590]

It’s beautiful to see you working through this. I think our brains instantly go to the flight freeze or flight response in times of stress because it’s so primal and vital to our survival. While we aren’t living in caves anymore so other stressors take the place of lions ect. You are wonderful. This is hard and it’s so brave of you to post these videos. I know they are helping someone else out there watching. Lots of love.

[@hardkorr9503]

With all the respect in the world, once the 30 days are up, I truly believe marriage counseling or even one therapy session could be phenomenal for you both- Even if you do choose to strictly coparent. It's perfectly healthy for you guys to take some time to yourselves, too. I can see that the codependency is real in the relationship lol but it's so amazing you already see that. You guys are making improvements everyday, man! Sure, some days may seem like a setback but you are doing amazing, Laura! I love your attitude & every woman should feel that their happiness is in their own hands apparent to their s/o's! You are handling this so much better than I would be & you're very brave for sharing. My heart goes out to you & your family & you WILL get through this. You're a mf rockstar & you got it, giiiiiiirl! 👑✨️✨️

[@feline0insomnia]

I think people forget that in these kind of situations (separation/divorce/etc) you are ALLOWED to be happy to be divorced/separated/etc! The situation wasn't working for you, and now it is, and sometimes that break, whether it to temporary or permanent, is needed. And emotions are complicated... It's ok to feel happy, and sad, and mad, and all the other emotions all at once. You can be happy to be separated. It doesn't make you or your partner bad people, you just didn't work well together. My parents were miserable for 18 years of marriage, but they stayed together for me, their kid. Once they separated and then divorced... Even I was happy for them! I will be the first person to admit that my parents are much MUCH better friends than they were partners. They are happier. Do they still care about each other? Of course! I hope you continue on your journey Laura, however that looks for you and lean into whatever support you have because you don't have to do this alone. You're doing a great job, for yourself, and for your kids. I hope you continue to take care of yourself.

[@cherylmelendez2159]

I've been separated for about a year now from a marriage of 14 yrs. When you spoke of such a big/serious decision feeling rushed by impulsivity, it touched base with me. It sucks that you're going through this. You are not alone and what you are sharing is helping me and so many others. Keep making the next right choice ❣️

[@Ccrouse93]

Please continue to share the tips/tricks you have learned in therapy. Even the smallest little tid bits. They help so many people, immensely ❤️ I love you and I'm grateful for you.

[@cassandrasmith2845]

You express so much of what so many of us go through…no one usually talks about or let’s it out because we feel embarrassed to be judged. Your openness about everything you are going through and how you are getting through it or are struggling to get through it is very inspiring ❤️

[@brandiebeveridge1449]

The song "human" by Christina Perri, helped me through some ruff patches. Empowering music is a healthy outlet, so is all the books you're reading and practicing. Proud of you.

[@stephieboo1231]

Laura, I cannot explain how much these last two podcast episodes have resonated with me. You are so inspiring. I know that’s cliche as hell, but I don’t know how else to say it. I’m currently in a relationship with very similar issues. Hearing your experience was so challenging, but also brought me such peace. And I mean peace, because it’s giving me the courage to set the boundaries I need to set to take my power back. It’s giving me the courage to no longer avoid and ignore what is happening around me. I am so tired of not accepting the present. I have been focusing on the future and what could be for so long and I’ve been breaking my own heart by doing this. THANK YOU. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your life with us. You are NOT alone and I am so grateful to know I’m not either ❤️❤️

[@RACHELGIORDANO]

The greatest day was when I realized this! That I am responsible for my reaction, that if I set a boundary and they have a negative reaction it is NOT my job to make them feel better. I love the idea of radical acceptance, IT IS , IT IS, IT IS. It is not happening TO you, it is happening FOR you. I love all of this and I am so happy you are waking up to what has been going on in your relationship. When your job is no longer to please someone else or make someone else feel better and your only focus is on YOUR happiness, the whole world changes around you.

[@angieevans]

And today YOU were that inspiring woman I needed to hear! I’m going through similar struggles and my lioness mother is coming out . It’s so hard not to have anxiety and depression and eating issues when something is happening that is out of our control.

[@meganeastment1508]

I deeply related to that feeling, the desperate feeling of wanting peace. I’ve been in that place in my life before when my kiddo was going through some major mental health crisis’. Just remember to go easy on yourself. Your body is likely in high alert and consistently in a fight or flight readiness position. And that is exhausting. I believe peace will come as your nervous system calms down as you find your path forward. But these transitions are incredibly hard on the body and soul. Take care of yourself.

[@d2B2023]

Sooooooo understand this, " I can't change you...........all of that" SPOT ON!!!!!!! Also have realised this and agree totally liberating realising all of this. Thank you for your honesty and braving talking so vulnerably about this❤️ Strength and so much love to you xx

[@martinehubert33]

It is so special that I am watching this today: this is exactly what I told myself yesterday. I have to stop the people pleasing shit and make my own happiness. Synchronicity. Much love your way, Laura!

[@rabbitrabbitrabbit3721]

When you said " the messages are just confusing " something inside of me hurt so deeply. I remember this feeling so many times, from the trauma growing up to relationships in my past. The need to feel safe, for things to feel stable....I truly understand that. Keep moving forward, stick to your boundaries & listen to your inner voice. All the best in this journey.

[@jodigulling2213]

Today my husband and I are celebrating 33 years of marriage and we went through similar issues. Hoping the best for you two.

[@jmk0574]

Congrats! Same here (but 25). He will either turn his life around, or spiral. Fortunately for us, it was the former. Hope he gets the help he needs.

[@recoverymemequeen6810]

You’re totally valid for feeling happy it’s just such a relief after fighting for so long

[@samanthajoseph594]

So many times when I was going through leaving my sons father, I would find clarity and feel so much growth when I was on my own, but whenever I would see him in person or have a conversation I would feel back to square one. It was so crazy-making and it made me doubt myself so much. It has become easier over the years to trust myself and to take the steps to bring me back to myself. It was so much work but it was so worth it of course. Sending so much love to you all ❤️

[@PurpleYoda77]

Totally agree. My kid saved me from a toxic person and a whole world of hurt and helped me become a better person. I'm grateful every day for chosing my son over everything else. Stand your ground trust your instincts.

[@AnthonyOrwick]

This is an absolutely amazing kind of display of clarity and I have struggled with this immensely myself, and everything you've explained here has been so spot on. It is much like grieving a loss, but I have an intuitive feeling that this separation will do the both of you wonders. If he truly loves you and if you truly love him, the two of you WILL find a way back to each other. If not, after all this internal work you've done, you will absolutely find someone who does love you, for you. 💓

[@InkedMom101]

This resonated with me tremendously. You are NOT alone, momma. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@justliveyourlife4205]

I'm proud of you too. That's my main thing that I work on every single day....accepting my life the way it is. Love ya Laura!💜

[@Attabasca]

I so relate to the radical acceptance. My husband left me for his coworker when our kids were 5 and 9. That was about 4 years ago. I just kept saying to myself, "No point arguing with reality. This is my reality." I went through my struggle. The first year was brutal with anxiety. Waking up early in the morning feeling like an elephant of doom was on my chest. But I decided to forgive his humanity and hers. I decided my kids well-being was paramount. I would not put them between me and my hurt. My ex and I now get along fabulous. We support each other. A few months back when my ex and his girlfriend were really struggling, he looked at me and said, "You seem so happy. I swear, you are doing the best out of all of us." THAT was all the validation I needed from him. Keep it up Laura, you are doing it right in my opinon!! So much love to you as you move through this.

[@mameeocean6194]

Laura, please, I’m absolutely not body shaming. I do realize you’ve always been a slim person. I don’t always get on here and hadn’t followed for awhile until obviously your “headlines” recently caught me. I respect you so much for weathering this storm with honesty and strength, sharing the good, bad and ugly in life. Just now, I was quite taken aback by how much weight you’ve lost. I’m sure you’re well aware that you need to attend to your physical health as much as your mental. I also realize in times like this appetite just goes either full on or turns completely off sometimes. I’ve rarely commented, but the thought popped in my head, if by chance you see this.. maybe consider consciously choosing high calorie foods with healthy fats when you are hungry over anything else for the next couple weeks. It’s not balanced, but perhaps what your body needs most right now, especially when dancing and staying so physically active. You are cared about, so loved, and we all appreciate all you’ve brought to our lives. Big hugs

[@maureenmar2cello675]

You're on the right track. Your priorities and coping skills are light years beyond what mine were back when I was going through this. Those mama bear instincts got me through, acceptance left me room to grow.

[@muziklover121]

Hold your boundaries, that will create stability for you and your kids 💕

[@katherinepearman]

I love you. Needed the reminder to be present, and to accept that I cannot control others or sacrifice myself trying to do so. My favorite saying that I speak to myself often is, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”

[@virgomoon1168]

The great awakening. Many women are walking away what no longer serves them. I chose to end the cycle of toxic relationships to find stability and love within myself to show my son what self worth is. Being at a good place inside will only make you stronger. I support you and your healthy, realistic radical acceptance. Be happy and let the haters hate.

[@jennarose2480]

6months on and similar situation. my brain still sounds like this. And the rollercoaster continues. You got this! And you're right our kids give us the strength we need to stop the collapse. Our reason for being ❤️

[@DorothyT420Mimi]

I really enjoyed that book right up until the point when it got to where she asked a child sexual abuse survivor to apologize for her what might be perceived her small part in what happened to her! DISGUSTING! I'm sorry but I can't take advice from somebody that does that period. I'm glad it's helping you. And your Podcast has helped me a lot through some tough stuff I'm going through. I just can't get down with somebody like this author, who thinks like that. Or someone thinks that that kind of advice is appropriate. Sorry.

[@bonniec1765]

I agree. I am a child sexual abuse survivor. A CHILD! Nothing that happened to me needs an apology from ME. I spent years feeling shame already.

[@Ashley.Heather]

Omg thank you for posting this. That’s disgusting 🤢

[@retiredrabbit5230]

Oh fuck that all the way downtown! As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I was absolutely 100% innocent. What part you played? Uh, nope. NOPE.

[@RosesandBlingPapercrafts]

What! That’s horrific. Re victimising a child survivor

[@DorothyT420Mimi]

@@retiredrabbit5230 Yeah as a child abuse and incest survivor it triggered me so bad! I just couldn't believe what I was reading! I'd never been so offended and horrified in my life!

[@ashleylewis587]

Don’t ever be sorry about having real and raw emotions, love. I appreciate you being so open and honest about your life and emotions. It really helps people like me so much because although I’m not going through the exact same situation, I have things going on in my life that are really tough right now. Just know that what you are doing IS meaningful and I find it so relatable to my own life. You and your children DO deserve the very best peaceful life, with or without him. I hope you find clarity in your thoughts and find the wisdom to know the right thing to do when that time comes. I know that’s easier said than done though. Things will get easier as time goes on. You got this!👊🏻 Also wanted to say that I’ve followed you for a long time and love you so much! 💜

[@femmedejon]

We're going through marriage counseling, ourselves. It is SO HARD. You're doing all the right things, and should be very proud of yourself. I can literally feel what you're feeling. You are definitely not alone! Keep it up. This is not how it ends. :)

[@meltingpointcreations1457]

I know how you’re feeling. My situation is not the same, but there are similarities. I was in a toxic relationship with a man for several years. I started to have thoughts that I was not on a healthy path. Then, one day, I told myself out loud “You deserve happiness. Your kids deserve your happiness. You will not be well if you stay here.” And when I decided to leave, Laura, there was such a weight lifted. Unfortunately I have taken that weight back onto myself (here and there) over these past seven years since I left my husband. But I continue to remind myself that the way my ex husband is, the way he lives his life… IS NOT ON ME. I make my choices, and I take care of our kids. He makes his choices, and they are just that- HIS choices. Whether he places blame upon me is irrelevant. I hope that growth is found in this struggle of yours, and I hope you can continue to love.

[@despup]

You have no idea how much this is helping others in the same position ❤️ Thankyou so much for being transparent even when it’s hard as hell!

[@marysusa6985]

OMG, you have found gold. Katie is amazing and the Work is sooooo helpful for stressful thoughts. Doing the Work has given me the best relationship with myself which has really made all my other relationships better. Wishing you peace and joy.

[@NastassiaEvans]

Stability is important, Laura. Whenever I've been apart from someone, I start looking at who they are and what I need from a relationship. Something important can be missing because they can't or aren't able to provide what I need. And, I make the decision to let go for my mental health and wellbeing and also the wellbeing of my children. I have been a lot happier without anyone that has made me miserable because they couldn't or wouldn't give me what I needed. Stability is definitely on the top of my list. And, it's not tearing down other people's relationships when you see them as they truly are. Sometimes, people pretend. And, pretending doesn't make me or anyone else for that matter happy. Also, you have to start over when you come back together. You can't just start from where you left off. You have to rebuild. Otherwise, it isn't healthy. Instability makes me feel very unhealthy. So, I personally cut out anyone that makes me feel unhealthy because they aren't able to be consistent. When I look back on relationships that have been unhealthy, I am much happier without those people. And, I won't sacrifice my happiness ever again just so I can say I am not alone. Sure, I'd love to be with the right person. But, it would have to be the right person. And, we would have to be a good fit. I want everyone that's in the relationship to be happy and to be getting what they need.

[@danielleluce8935]

This was so EVERYTHING i needed to hear today and for you sharing it I THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I relate to ALL of this and I adore how genuine and open you are being.

[@thepoetess8083]

When I went to therapy, I always hated the concept of radical acceptance as it was so hard for me to accept what I couldn't and could control and what was. To this day, it is probably the coping mechanism that was most useful to me so I'm proud of you for using it!

[@walking_the_gyre]

I'ma comprehensive DBT therapist. Over and over, I find that the skills my folks hate the most are the ones they need the most. You are exactly right.

[@michellehernandez7712]

Kids are the magic touch that gives us strength to get through this. I have been experiencing the same issues and my daughter has changed so much about how I handle and experience the situation with my ex.

[@tristaluinstra2631]

I do hope everything stays ok. I understand a lot of what you're saying. If this is what you both need the ones making bad comments but be hurting themselves and not realizing it. A lot of people do bad things to others because they can't coop with their issues and problems. I love the fact that you all get on here and speak how you feel about things. In a way it helps me coop. Let's me know I'm not the only one with problems. Bunches of love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@chulungquku]

The podcasts are the highlights of my days I try to watch them slowly as to help me calm down. You are not alone and We’re blessed to have someone like u talking about your progress and all it’s challenges. Thanks for showing anyone going through the same thing how to process not everyone is as brave as u . I felt stuck for months these feel like holding hands and figuring a way forward

[@LessThanThree76]

As a fellow people-pleasing co-dependent person I can literally feel the weight lifting from your shoulders and you being able to finally take a deep breath of fresh air. You do you, Laura. ❤️

[@poeticjustice8687]

Decisions don’t have to be made instantly. Space is what you both need. Forcing another human being to make instant choices, is a control tactic. You both need counseling, and boundaries. I’m glad to see you both, working on yourselves. I hope y’all work it out. There’s a lot of love there, and the children need the stability of both of you.

[@n.tkaldera2611]

pretty confused about whats happening🥺 but need to say that you're such an incredible woman whom I always appreciated and admired with my deepest. Hang on EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY...❤

[@simplysarahorganizedesign938]

“Submitted Wife” is society’s accepted form of People Pleasing. It’s ingrained in the concept of marriage. We are never alone in our struggles!! I love you🤟🏼 Thank you for your transparency!! Healing loudly helps save lives

[@rachsime]

Laura, don't feel rushed into making decisions for your families happiness and your own, dont let yourself feel guilty over any decision you make either which I know its easier said than done. Look after yourself and your kids. I'm proud with how far you've come. Stay present ❤️

[@melaniechambers481]

I don’t think people understand the highs and the lows you experience when you’ve separated. I remember feeling intense freedom and hopefulness one day and extreme grief and shame the next. It’s a roller coaster!

[@madelinejewettdavis4107]

I was separated for a year before my ex and I decided to get a divorce. Generally I think it is good to take some time and figure things out. Also, I think couples therapy helps you decide if you even want to stay married or not. I wish you both well. It is so hard and confusing. I have been where you are at. So glad you have friends and family who love and support you. You have to do what is best for you and the kids. Listen to your heart and your head and just take it day by day.

[@deel6825]

You don't ever have to be sorry for being emotional. We are here for you! And I'm so proud of you! This helps so many people. I am learning a lot from you and it gives me hope, we can save relationships before they hit rock bottom, recenter ourselves to work on our own "business". Thank you for sharing Laura!

[@samantharajewski946]

How’re you doing Laura! Just stay positive as much as you can! We all love you.

[@heatherbarnes9829]

You are both doing great! You have put the children first and are making sure they know they are loved and that is the biggest thing. Love y'all! 😘💞

[@Loriann4444]

Laura Im mourning the death of my Son and Im thankful for your words. Im so trying to stay in the moment and stop crying for what could have been. Its so very hard. Praying for you all.

[@tiffanynfl]

Isn’t she great? I lost my son as well so I get what you’re feeling. 💕 prayers for you and your family.

[@Lovely_Lady_Liza]

Hello Laura, I have been watching your videos on KZbin, and Facebook and Instagram for YEARS and I just want you to know I’m so thankful for all the laughs and feels you and your videos have given me. So thank you 🙏 I also have a little story to share: When I was 19, I met a 33 year old man who asked me out one day and on a whim I decided to go. Well at first he swept me off my feet. He wooed me and treated me like a Princess. Over a very short period of time we dated and he convinced me to move in with him. He gradually convinced me to open a shared bank account with him, and to let him control the finances. I thought because he was older and more mature that this was a good idea. Well long story short, we got married when I was 21 (he wanted to be married much sooner but I insisted) and for the next 7 years I let this man control more and more of my life. I never went out to bars or clubs, or even things a simple as lunch/brunch with a girlfriend because of the subtle but growing control he had over my life. For a long time I had even convinced myself that I was happy… that this was what I wanted. (He wasn’t physically abusive but he just knew how to manipulate me to get what he wanted) it wasn’t until the death of close friend I called brother, in 2017 that I finally snapped out of me “trance”. I finally got up the courage to tell him the truth about how I felt. That I was no longer happy, and didn’t feel the connection I thought we felt at the beginning. I felt bad for hurting his feelings… that is until we actually began the divorce process. He said and did things that were very hurtful to me. He threatened to sign over his rights to our son if I tried to put him on child support. He embarrassed me at work (we unfortunately worked at the same place) when he heard a RUMOR that I was seeing another coworker. And that was after he had already moved out and we were well on our way to finalizing the divorce. Meanwhile he dated several women, moved in with a couple of them, all in the time I moved once, only dated one other person (whom I’m still with today) then he continued to make my life hell while I was dealing with a job loss, loosing my home, being pregnant and unable to find another job for almost a year… he did everything he could to make me feel like 💩 and I let him… for a long time. Until I finally found my peace. Finally broke away from him completely. Physically, Mentally, emotionally, and was able to rebuild my life from the ashes like a phoenix.

[@susievanhalen]

Sending hugs to you Laura. Followed you both for ages and I really feel for you both right now. You will get through this 💖💖💖💖

[@jessicalavoie2260]

Wow!!! GIRRLLL YOU ARE exactly where you need to be and doing the work that your soul intends! I went through a similar situation and now in a very happy and healthy non-toxic co-parenting relationship with my Ex. I never ever thought we would be able to enjoy each other’s company with genuine respect and love. But we do, it took me doing very much the same thing you are doing. Establishing boundaries, being a mama bear to my daughter, putting me first, and working on my relationship with myself because that was more toxic than any other one I had before my daughter was born. She is truly my guardian angel! It was gut-wrenching when I left, he’s my soulmate, 95% of our relationship was perfect…but the 5% was a deal breaker and my daughter made me realize that. We both made mistakes and did a lot of damage to one another. We are all on our own journey. Some of us find our authentic self and purpose, some do not. You have given Stephen the greatest gift of loving him enough to let him figure out who he is on a soul level. That can never be done when you are relying on outside influences. You go girl!! Feel all of your feelings and move through it all! I promise you will come out on the other side even more magnificent than you already are!! 😘

[@Samuel96889]

You're not dealing with this like an addict at all because you're not avoiding issues you've been doing that and now it's the opposite you've developed a lot of maturity over the years and challenges and I think everyone who's like "why are you so happy?" are just romanticing suffering trying to justify their own victimhood

[@sharriebruno5570]

I'M IN A SIMILAR SITUATION! Thank you for sharing your story it helps me on so many levels. I have a active alcoholic controlling husband and I finally have relinquished(still working on it) my control of the situation. I can't fix him the only thing I can do is stay present with myself. It's been freeing already! It's only been one week. I've been listened to your recently you tube videos. I'm going to look for the book you mentioned too!

[@SylvieZ]

17:19 I literally yelped uncontrollably for you when you said “I just want stability” 😩😭😭

[@tennillepatterson5500]

Acceptance is a lot harder than people think. Loving yourself is harder than people think. But it's also surprisingly easy. Much love to you and Steven.

[@julieorlando985]

I have to read this book. My issues are a huge change in health and I've been fighting it, mentally, emotionally. This might help me move forward.

[@alexamarias777]

He is having a lot of healing and you have a lot of healing to. Stability is so important in the healing process. I send you a lots of strength.