I'm on a Diet, But I'll Be BAD

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Ordering fries really isn't as evil as poison gas.
FOLLOW THE CAST:
ALLY: / agbeardsley
GRANT: / grantob
KATIE: / katiemarovitch
LILY: / lilyd
TAO: / tyang209
TRAPP: / mikewtrapp
RAPH: / chestangraphael
REKHA: / rekhalshankar
BRENNAN: / brennanlm
SAM: / samreich
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CAST
Mike Trapp
Ally Beardsley
Raphael Chestang
Jessica Ross
Lily Du
Grant O'Brien
CREW
Director - Carlyn Hudson
Producer - Kelsi Reel Johnson
Writer - Mike Trapp
Production Coordinator - Jessica Clemons
Director of Photography - Justin Cyrul
Production Designer - Rick Mader
HMU - Leigh Schwartz
Sound Mixer - Danny Carpenter of Botown Sound
Editor - Michael McAlister

[@dropout]

Become a member of our channel today [ bit.ly/2kpp0oz ] for access to OUR ENTIRE DROPOUT LIBRARY (including full seasons of WTF101, Dimension 20, Um Actually, and more)! Sign up for DROPOUT: bit.ly/2KypG7r

[@TheTalentedMoron]

No, not after you didn't even hit the obvious after ad joke, "Don't you hove minions to do that?".

[@quesa9094]

hello college humor

[@samuelr.6046]

Secret text 1

[@justsomeguywholikeswater3566]

@Paul Borst don't be a jerk mate. Don't just tell people to fire their employees

[@Duryism]

"Oh... congratulations." It's like, yeah, I'll slice up people with my hands, but I'd never miss an opportunity to congratulate someone's personal growth.

[@veghead05]

😂😂

[@adammichna5175]

Well, a low carb diet won't contribute much to your personal growth aside from... self-discipline, I guess? It is also unhealthy to leave out fruits and vegetables from your diet.

[@Obi-WanGaming]

Look at “the sex-positive slasher”

[@jupiter2175]

I'm your 999th like!

[@AutisticSoyDaddy]

As soon as Jess said "I've been bad!" in that sassy aunt voice, I knew this would be fucking hilarious. Also, thanks for bleeping the expletives instead of muting them.

[@AutisticSoyDaddy]

@@roy04 Profound.

[@macandcheese__]

"sassy aunt voice" lol yess that's exactly how that voice is described 😂

[@DoctorX17]

Bleep bleep Yeah, that was driving me crazy too

[@jennabeth6851]

The bleeping is so much more annoying than the muting.

[@DoctorX17]

@@jennabeth6851 now see, the muting was driving me nuts... I liked it better when they just cursed. Second best would be nonsense words

[@RoboThot711]

"I'm on this low-carb diet, which I've actually been doing really well on" * deep and sinister voice* "oh congratulations"

[@veghead05]

😂😂

[@youtubemoderationtaskforce5583]

The funniest part of the video

[@TCt83067695]

0:41

[@krawr2187]

He’s evil but that’s no reason to not be supportive!

[@srslyintronerded]

Raph being so exasperated that he rubbed his temples with machetes is a M O O D

[@cheesecracker5223]

Robert Stephens time?

[@chukolance]

@@cheesecracker5223 1:45 . very brief

[@AlexssandroMeneses]

I was expecting blood after that!😤🤷‍♂️

[@fae.fantastic]

He also did air quotes with them 🤣🤣🤣

[@XxHikidashixX]

@@fae.fantastic 2:53

[@fionnreidy6078]

Can we please get a dropout show based on these villains. That would be incredible.

[@Lilabeela1998]

Slightly Irish I could see it. They’re in an all out battle releasing gas, stabbing people, blowing stuff up Jessica: walks out and opens a plastic bag of brownies. Good guys: Confused Villains: she’s on a diet Good guy: oh mY GOODNESS RETREAT! WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE SHES CAPABLE OF

[@fionnreidy6078]

That would be incredible!

[@DarthReven810]

Why so I could not pay to not see it.

[@meat6470]

especially Jessica, she’s my favourite because she is so BAD

[@deadgodofneutrality7725]

Episode 2 The villains are robbing a bank and are fighting with the police Jessica: **walks out the bank** Also Jessica: **pulls out a bag of peanut butter s’mores** Cops: no Cops:oh no don’t eat it Jessica: pulls out a s’more Villains: do it Machete dude: **visible confusion** Jessica: **eats it** Cops: **pulls out a walkie talkie** we need to fall back there’s a girl who is cheating on her diet Chief of police: oh my god, she’s back Chief of police: **picks up phone** captain motivation we need your help Captain motivation: I’ll be there

[@deanc9195]

WE NEED MORE OF DOMINIC MACHETEHANDS.

[@LemonToGo]

How does he pee though?

[@sharpy5509]

@@LemonToGo how do he wipe

[@brukts3361]

@@LemonToGo carefully

[@julianauston9001]

Agreed

[@Monkeyshaman]

@@sharpy5509 standing on the ring like everyone else.

[@thexyouthxattack]

jessicas behaviour is so bad that this videos gunna get demonetised.

[@johnmijo]

Another BAD-pocolypse is about to happen :p

[@Matkerzah]

are you saying jessica's the reason we need to get dropout? i approve

[@leighbelk769]

Age restricted too.

[@maryjoyspohrer256]

LOL!

[@Kon2336]

I'd actually really like to see more of these characters, they're great

[@ellaisplotting]

^

[@anna-ti6fy]

Kon2336 agree

[@alastorbutwithagun]

I ruined the 420.

[@manami3164]

Reminds me of dr horrible’s evil league of evil

[@Saxinful]

I love Trapp in this one, he really developed a character and makes him live

[@williambaldwin9068]

asking him how he pees must have really cut deep

[@user-mh9dx7nz2r]

Get out....

[@rivendriftwood]

Yeah, he probably felt like he was stabbed at the back.

[@BlackCover95]

Gotta admire your sharp wit.

[@williambaldwin9068]

normally I'd leave some kind of edgy reply

[@ashermack2543]

Cmon man no need to be so pointy

[@vvinterwitch]

the curses with beeps sounds way better than silence, nice job

[@muppetallica]

@@Jason_Bryant Finding that loophole was a stroke of pure genius!

[@lezaanvanwyk9202]

Grant looks a little too comfortable being tied up like tht... Js.. 🤣😂

[@veghead05]

Lookin mad cozy

[@Ertwin123]

How are you surprised?

[@MsMatilda24]

That's Grant alright ;)

[@Atom85825]

Bet hes the one pitching that bit

[@TweekMorgan4dictator]

Yeah, couldn't tell ya why, but he always seemed to be the kinda guy who was into it.

[@partyjams]

My favorite part was “probably cause you’re not a woman”. Apparently most evil doers are very open minded on the concept of evil and the standards for it

[@dexter111344]

Jessica probably is the second most evil person there. Lily's character funding McConnell's reelection campaign is downright despicable, though.

[@Rougarou99]

But did McConnell ever eat cookies on a diet?

[@DrZaius3141]

@@Rougarou99 Don't be silly, he always had his regular diet of lettuce, pellets and the occasional garden flower.

[@Rougarou99]

​@@DrZaius3141 In this case, veganism is worse.

[@TN-cn8kk]

“I’m going to sit out on this one but maybe just listen a little bit”!

[@TheOneDerp]

It's funny how Raph is usually the level headed one in the skits.

[@Rapscallion2009]

Not sure it's just the skitts...

[@notjohnbruno1522]

Raph doing air quotes with machetes for hands will never fail to make me lose my mind

[@ninjanerdstudent6937]

This is like watching Dr. Doofenshrmitz or Dr. Draken try to prove how bad they are to all the other villains.

[@alyssajade6802]

not sure if it was intentional, but it definitely made me think of dr horrible....

[@rddev8382]

Well of course Johny Steel got captured, Zach isnt in the Van

[@theoriganalxldub]

The meta here lol

[@silviaov633]

This comment actually made me sad 🙈

[@freebananase2357]

also, Johnny looked like he was enjoying it.

[@kevadu]

Wait, is General Machete-hands the "bloodiest warlord in the world, with machetes for hands" or the "bloodiest warlord in the world with machetes for hands"? Commas matter.

[@chrishoward797]

The closed captions don't have a comma, so I guess it's the second one.

[@walman9356]

I don't know the way he said it sounded like there was a comma

[@theglassofmilk]

The man has machetes attached to his arms where his hands would be so I think you can guess which one it would be

[@kevadu]

@@theglassofmilk *whoosh*

[@ArturGlass.C]

@@awaruwidianto First one means the guy is the bloodiest warlord in the world and as a side note the guy also happen to have machetes for hands. But the second one means from all the people in the world who got machetes for hands, he's the bloodiest warlord of them all. Which really isn't impressive at all because he's probably the only person in the world who has machetes for hands...period. And I won't even apologize for ruining the joke by explaining it...because I'm baaaaad.

[@PhilosopherWR]

2:50 LOL, he did air quotes with machete hands! 😂

[@meid789]

Didn't realize that 😂😂

[@ZrinNZ]

The formula of "everyone is being weird and crazy except for one person" is still being executed so well, CollegeHumor.

[@Mord12gp]

I was waiting for jassica to be revealed to also have killed like a million people or something and just be like "Im so baaad"

[@carolkoski4875]

I can’t understand how Trapp was able to say General MacheteHands without bursting into laughter for the whole sketch.

[@torpedex4600]

trapp acc has some of the best comedic timing and improv lines ive EVER seen. I lose it at 1:17 its just so real

[@irfanmyg]

This gave me such a sense of joy and I don’t know why.

[@Toastmaster_5000]

because it's making fun of something that happens in real life and is really goddamn annoying

[@AvitalShtap]

PLus the villains were "yes and"ing her and being unexpectedly nice which is a great and sweet contrast :)))

[@jessbragg1]

2:41 i love the irony of grant being tied up by someone with swords for hands, spot on guys!

[@nikacomedawn]

And you *know* Grant was really weird and uncomfortable about it.

[@jomardepedro]

"oh congratulations" "and - ohh thank you!" These are the best two lines

[@Charlotte-iu2yg]

I hope General Machete Hands will be a recurring character

[@RabidWombatKat]

I actually totally want this to be a series.

[@dmino5244]

I love Jess so much she has this fun mom energy 😂😂😂

[@jessicadelgado8473]

The machete air quotes at 2:52 heckin killed me! I’ve replayed it 4 times already

[@lucascunhadefreitas4574]

That wink totally crushed my heart😍

[@calliemyersbuchanan6458]

"The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware. The grade that you receive'll be your last, we swear. So make the bad horse gleeful, or he'll make you his mare. You're saddled up; there's no recourse. It's "hi-yo, silver!" Signed: Bad Horse."

[@GalacticHero_]

Oh no..... they’re getting a run for their money

[@rosalind2017]

Any time my mom talks about her dieting and triggers my eating disorder, I'm gonna think of this short from now on. Thank you, collegehumor.

[@adulthumanfemale420]

fucking same!

[@456puff]

Hey, I know this was four years ago, but I've also struggled with eating disorders. How are you doing now? Both of you?

[@muppetallica]

I'm with Jessica. You only live once. You could walk out that door and get hit by a bus. Will your dying thought be, "I shouldn't have eaten the chocolates?"

[@portalMaster299]

Yes

[@muppetallica]

@@portalMaster299 😂

[@dimwarlock]

I mean, yeah, I guess a bus out of control could go into the sidewalk as soon as a chocolate craving person comes out of a building. Sounds like an ad.

[@breadfan_85]

Trapp: "How do you pee?" Raph: *sigh*

[@Hashslingingslasher-]

we watched the video too and that bit didn't even tickle my funny bone, even slightly

[@breadfan_85]

@@Hashslingingslasher- well, aren't you a delight. /s

[@theoriganalxldub]

@@breadfan_85 I need this question answered.

[@garykerwin9924]

Someone please solve this

[@JachAnen]

@@theoriganalxldub Carefully??

[@ebrodsky5893]

“Hey, I’ve got a question for you” “Me?” “Yeah” “Go ahead” “I’ve just been wondering” “Mmhmm” “How do you pee?” *slowly looks at hands and sighs*

[@jontandy3537]

I want more of these characters doing crimes, like robbing a bank or torturing Agent Steel.

[@AvitalShtap]

SAME BRING EM BACK or have them do small boring crimes and general machete hands gets furious that they don't involve killing people

[@Jon12317]

"I'm just going to sit out of this one, but maybe, you know, listen a little bit"

[@daliacha]

These characters are great! Loved Trapp. "Oh congratulations". Everyone's character suited them well

[@ips1698]

You might think that General Dominic Machetehands is a very complicated man. He's actually pretty cut and dry. 😮

[@TiagoMorbusSa]

I don't know, he comes across as pretty edgy.

[@j.h.181]

He's the kind of guy that gets straight to the point.

[@eklhaft4531]

1:47 Don't mind me just scratching my had with M A C H E T I.

[@Microfoot]

“That’s two chocolates, Jessica!” lol

[@malahamavet]

-My eyes: see the thumbnail and title -my brain: "what kind of pøŕņ is this?"

[@st00p1dbaka9]

Him: “How do you pee?” Me: “ I don’t need sleep, I need answers!”

[@thisisnotmyname1469]

Can we just appreciate how badass everyone looks in this sketch

[@mehdisilini7296]

did she just said the coconut one was disgusting? She IS bad :O

[@stanamilanovich3956]

She's right though. That artificial coconut is the worst and everyone should know it. So...bad...

[@lloydfromfar]

Damn! I have to agree! Long live coconut! :O

[@dootdootperson4304]

She really is a villian! She called coconut GROSS

[@ACShotRun]

this is a classic, just give it time

[@MariaVosa]

This entire sketch is gold, from characters to acting to writing to editing. It goes into my Top Ten from CH.

[@DefinitelyFakeGrantOBrien]

Agreed, it became one of my favorites. Well, it is still not my all time favorite.

[@TiagoMorbusSa]

The only problem with the sketch is that it's not gonna age well with that Moscow Mitch tie-in. How's he gonna seek reelection when he's in prison?

[@i9incher]

This is the best non-brenan sketch you've done n a long time. well done!

[@judochopmaster8233]

2:31 ok this person is literally a monster

[@aashi8316]

0:31 "Naxo, who has planted viruses-" Video: posted November 2019 Me: I'm sorry what-

[@jonathancampbell5231]

We all know people like that in real life. So I'm not sure what the joke is- they really are evil.

[@veghead05]

😂 whoa

[@Vision_Voyagers]

You know someone called general masati hands

[@baamnight6878]

My whole family was on a diet so i bought a large pack of our favorite chocolates (Raffaello) and placed them in a bowl beside the fruits to mess with them. They were gone in 2 days and i didn't eat any. Am i bad?

[@AvitalShtap]

EVIL ENABLER

[@videosdrive469]

Oh my god you're pure evil

[@videosdrive469]

I'm calling the cops you psycho

[@18bluecat]

This is the content I stay subscribed for... and Um, actually

[@joncarey6121]

sketches and originals for me.

[@nukiradio]

When you're trying to conquer the world, but Karen is cheating on her diet...

[@luminatron]

2:17 lol, i can see that failed wink

[@sahzus]

Why did raph saying “oh..congratulations” make me laugh so hard lol🤣

[@EdgyShooter]

Ah yes, the back guy is cast as the warlord with machete hands, I see how it is 😅

[@JamoboBorg]

I should be part of this group; I'm bad at everything!

[@jonsku6662]

So what does she do as a member of this group of villains? Order the food? Ensure their opponents don't feel good enough to fight back because she ate the all the good stuff from their meal?

[@Luster21]

She is the heart and soul of the group. Her refusal of personal growth represents the villains dedication to all that is wrong and naughty.

[@jonsku6662]

@@Luster21 Ah! That explains it ... So why isn't she the leader though?

[@icepicker8528]

I can't believe it's been 2 years and this video only has 632K views. I thought this would go so viral the first time I saw it. Who doesn't know someone that breaks their diet and starts saying "oh I'm so bad"? Poor College Humor peeps. I miss you all.

[@durdleduc8520]

“How do you pee?” *_Vietnam flashbacks_*

[@lol349]

Machete hands is the most 90's supervillain ever and I love it

[@justsomeguywholikeswater3566]

Dominic Machetehands should have a video where he tries to eat food. *knocks over glass* "oh, c'mon! I just wanna EAT!" *Swings hands around and cuts the table* "oops."

[@theoriganalxldub]

No Raph... answer the damn question.

[@7596jerky]

I just don't see how Jessica's- machete quotation mark- DIET - machete quotation mark- is at all comparable

[@thatnerdygaywerewolf9559]

Seriously... It was WAY worse than what all the others did. I don't know how the other villains were not shaking out of fear being in the same room as someone so bad.

[@li0dud3]

Lily playing a hacker is so perfect I love it

[@myeahonline]

I don’t know what I was expecting but definitely not this premise LMAOOO

[@thenintenbro9193]

My teacher said if you know the answer raise your hand... I knew the answer but didn't raise my hand. *I've been bad*

[@hysteriasfire]

My immersion was broken when General Machete hands rubbed his head with the sharp part of the machetes. I find nothing else wrong.

[@samirseedat1274]

Oh yeah i though hed cut himself but no..

[@williambutcher7429]

Plot twist: she is actually the infamous Serena deathmurder, an assassin who annoys people to death!

[@caidenjpl]

She lied about being vegan so she got clout from all her vegan friends THATS really bad

[@xxsniperkittykatxx]

I mean we all know Grant likes being tied up and has a pain kink so Jessica is definitely worse than Dr Evil Machete Hands

[@fancypenguin2092]

The hacker is the worst. Funding Mitch McConnell

[@Sir_Duckyweather]

Trapp just wanted an excuse to reuse his Dr. Evil costume from Halloween, didn't he?

[@nagolbackwards1335]

3:45 you can see a very rare Trap break

[@apatheticamortentia]

but do bad people do bad things because they think it is bad, or because it’s good to them? jessica is the true villain here.

[@julianalston120]

I like how General Machete-hands tried to use air quotes but obviously he can’t

[@M1ckTheMan]

This honestly has an amazing sub-text that I don't want to explain with a comment, good show CH.

[@TheMagnifikle]

I stand by General Machete Hands, not taking care of yourself is not bad on a societal level, just on a personal one. Kidnapping Agent Steel is bad

[@stephenking5852]

2:39 He’s enjoying it.

[@helterskelter2927]

I wouldn't even put Jessica in the same room as Hitler himself.

[@desmonddesjarlais2697]

raph's slightly pained expression makes this whole sketch for me

[@littletravelblog7589]

Can I join this team? I cheated in tests and never have been caught, so I'm kinda like a professional in cheating and I also have already made plans for taking over the world or killing... You understand.

[@AutisticSoyDaddy]

*gasp* That's BAD!

[@littletravelblog7589]

@@AutisticSoyDaddy I know, right?

[@SarcasticallyBlessed]

Machete hands is so bad he can scratch his own head with his machetes.

[@spaceheroes2]

This was hilarious and we definitely need a sequel.

[@lemmonhail101]

“Hey Dr. Machete, I have a question. How do you pee?” Dr. Machete looks down at his lap “Not anymore…”

[@WhiskeyBrewer]

Dropout for the price of two Burrtios? SOLD I mean those Burritos sound really nice so

[@Rougarou99]

I love the complex layers and character development of General Machete-Hands.

[@aphyTTR]

A sketch where the character who is the voice of reason has machetes for hands is a good sketch

[@maviebaby]

Funding Mitch McConnell with you're own money can easily make u the worst person in the room.

[@jonathanstern5537]

I sit down when I pee. There's nothing that crazy about me.

[@cas6168]

The thing about being bad and ordering fries reminds me of that john mulaney joke about ordering fries being like going on a little adventure

[@maemae527]

I was honestly expecting her to confide in her friends that she’s been bad and then say she robbed a bank or something 😂

[@lloydfromfar]

same

[@rossplendent]

Now, does "General Dominant Machete Hands, bloodiest warlord in the world, with machetes for hands" imply that he's THE bloodiest warlord in the world, plus he also has machetes for hands, or that he's just the bloodiest out of all the warlords who happen to have machetes for hands?

[@Supersamazing]

I want to see videos about the daily struggles of Captain Machetehands, I DEMAND IT!