I'm trying to change/i'm doing the best i can

[@pachomiushermitus1432]

Music is the only thing that helps me. I play the piano. It is the only thing that cheers me up and makes me feel better. Love you.

[@RobinStent]

I suffer from depression and I've found the line from Shake It Out "it's always darkest before the dawn" helpful to get me through when things are particularly bad as a reminder that things do get better.

[@neilcarvey9795]

Hi Jonny, Thank you for your videos. I have been struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts since before Christmas. You are a true inspiration to show me that I will have ups and downs but ultimately you have got through it. I hope I can be as strong as you. I try and take as much as I can from every video I watch of yours. Thank you from the deepest part of my heart.

[@suzannealsop3394]

One day at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You are doing so great Jonny, you do not realise it. Since hearing about you a few years ago and meeting you at a talk last March you are a total inspiration to me and really inspire me to do all I can each and every day to help the mental health cause. I will be aged 43 next month and I have lived with Schizophrenia since I was 17. I have learnt and grown in that time and know what’s best for me such as avoiding too much stress and keeping things simple. Life changes and we move with it, nothing stays the same forever. What angers you today, will not concern you tomorrow. Things have got so much better around mental health since 1992 when I first became ill and things will continue to improve in the future. Stay strong always. Much love Suzanne x

[@BostonBookLover]

I’m so happy I stumbled onto your videos. I can relate to much of what you express. I look forward to watching your journey unfold.

[@KurtAnderson812]

You are always inspiring to me. I’m glad you are doing the best you can. I know how difficult the struggle can be, I’m glad you shared this, it helps me.

[@constantinepolychronopoulo4990]

So i found your channel 5 days ago and all I want to say is thank you for being here and making all these videos, I have been watching them non-stop.Hearing you talk about your story, your thoughts and your feelings...it makes me want to open up about my story. I have always been struggling with social anxiety and I could never understand why, why is this happening to me, why is it so hard to be around people, why do I feel so inferior and so guilty all the time. Growing up, my parents always thought I was just a shy kid and so they didn't think much of it. But as I was getting older, things would only get worse.I wouldn't pick up the phone when people called, i wouldn't open the door when someone visited us, I always hid somewhere so that I wouldn't have to deal with them. Even my own friends would ask me to hang out and i couldn't leave my house, because it felt like a panic attack when I got to the door."What are they gonna think of me?" "They must really hate me" .By the time I was 18 I already knew I was gay but I always repressed it and tried to forget about it and I wouldn't accept myself for who I was, "it's just a phase, I can't be gay, what have I done wrong?". I had to focus on my studies, it was the last year of highschool and it was so stressful. I couldn't focus, my mind was always blurry and a lot of times I would be studying and these thoughts would pop up , "why is this taking you so long, you are so bad at this,you won't make it to university" and I would cry about it. At this point i had already asked my parents to take me to a psychologist and they would be like "uuh...only crazy people go there" which is clearly bullsh*t, but I didn't go. This was the first year of my "depression" and I put it in quotations because i never got diagnosed with depression, I was just depressed for a long time (2 years, from the age of 17,5 to 19,5...I am 20 now).So, the first year was just trying to study for the exams, feeling like a failure, not getting any help.The second year I finally went to a psychologist and I found out I have social anxiety but nothing really changed, I would still cry at least once every 2 weeks and have a melt down.I didn't follow the advice I was given because I would have to go outside everyday and just walk a short distance, each day one more step in order to get over this social phobia and it was easier to just keep running away from my problems. Speaking of running away from my problems, I never mentioned to my psychologist that I was struggling with my sexuality because I thought it was embarassing to talk about it and that it's not important, as if it will ever change. It wasn't until I turned 19 that I decided to do something about my anxiety. On April 2017 I began to do meditation through Headspace. At first, it didn't make much of a difference, trying to be mindful. A few months later , I began to feel suicidal and I started thinking of ways to end it all, so I started cutting myself. I didn't want to exist anymore. "The world would be a better place without people like me" I would say to myself. But i didn't stop doing daily meditation, even in the darkest days I still had a bit of faith for change and it finally happened. Though not everything was solved, I managed to overcome my social anxiety and started hanging out with my friends, I even came out to them which I never thought would happen. One of them even came out to me and I was so happy I wasn't alone anymore.Hearing how he was struggling too with his sexuality and how it affected his health, I realised that my unacceptance of my sexuality was the reason I was having social anxiety in the first place. I feel so much better now and even when problems arise I am able to face them with more calm and clarity. I really wanted to share this because I want Jonny and everyone else struggling to know that you are not alone. I know what it's like to hate yourself, to look in the mirror and feel so angry that you want to commint suicide, to feel alone and that no one understands you, to walk on the street and feel like people are watching you and judging you, to feel guilty and inferior to others, to feel so unworthy of people's kindness that you think to yourself "they would have nothing nice to say about me If I told them who I really am"... There is this quote I always keep in mind , a quote from Ram Dass : "We suffer in order to learn about ourselves...and when you learn about yourself, you are able to project love". Jonny, I feel like you are the living example of this quote. You have suffered so much throughout your life but it wasn't for nothing. I mean look at you, I have never seen someone so compassionate, kind and empathetic. Someone who knows what it's like to suffer and doesn't want other people to go through that. You are capable of understanding so much Jonny...and you are able to inspire and change the people around you. So don't say that you can't change the world because you already changed me. THANK YOU for being here and THANK YOU for not ending your life that day on the bridge, the world needs more people like you. NEVER be afraid to talk !

[@jacobpeople3917]

You always inspire me to keep on the battle with my depression. You have touched so many people and have saved my life, you inspired me to start talking openly about my journey with mental illness, you opened the door for me and made me more comfortable to seek support when i first told a doctor. Now i am a mental health campaigner volunteering for 3 National charities. You influenced that and i can't thank you enough.

[@caragordon1656]

Thank you for your videos Jonny. They help me so much.

[@carolpilbasian5478]

It's a process, not perfection... good reminder. It's nice to see you doing well and this video couldn't have come at a better time. I'm stuck right now. I'm trying a different kind of therapy (EMDR) and my new therapist asked if I really want to change. And I do but I don't. I've been this mess my entire life and I feel stuck because I don't know any other way of being. How do you get out of that? You so clearly want to heal and you're always working towards it, doing the best you can. How do you get to that place? A big part of me believes that I'm somehow intrinsically defective, it doesn't matter how hard I try, things will never change. I don't like where I'm at, but I'm scared to move. How do I get unstuck from here? Anyway, you probably won't see this, but thank you for the seed of hope. You're such an encouragement, and I especially liked what you shared about the brain being able to be molded. Makes me feel like maybe I won't be so rigid forever. Hope you post again soon

[@CohenSimon_Miller]

You are so damn inspirational.....you make me feel extremely normal, and that means the world to me. Also love music, gets me through so much on a daily basis. Your eyes show me the same thing I see in the mirror. Thank you for just being and breathing and holding on and trying damn hard.....coz I know how hard it is. Thank you.

[@prfer9299]

SO glad to see some content from you. You look great and really seem like you are doing the best that you can. That is the most we can expect of ourselves (and anyone, really). Hope to "see" you again soon.

[@cindy1274]

You are helping so many. Thank you!

[@beccawilliams1062]

you really help me everyday i love and appreciate you so much jonny x

[@Mummy323]

So glad to see you posting a video. I am currently going through a major life crisis with worries, fears and anxiety about my mom having dementia and since I live with her and help her what will be my fate when the worst part happens since I am on disability and have no money to afford any housing although I am going to be starting a job and try to get off disability. It is so inspirational to see your video

[@patrickvandermeulen5069]

Dear Jonny You’re looking good (even better when you sing;-) ! Love, Tricky

[@luisqsk]

No please don't fight yourself. Emotions dissipate like hurricanes do after you let them hit you. Please give it a try.

[@stevie980]

Stevie Nicks sang, “ And I’m trying hard to change, I’m doing the best that I can.” ❤️

[@sporadic3684]

Glad to see you back :) you're an inspiration to many. Much love from Manchester.

[@kieranstewardcreates9788]

You are truly helping me and thousands of others I am sure 💪💪💪 just want to give you a huge hug after each of your videos x

[@NickHudson2]

Hey Johnny the mantras aren't ridiculous buddy if they're helping you feel better that can only be a good thing. Stay strong great video 👍

[@carlosenchina9747]

I really like the two sentences "I'm trying to change" / "I'm doing the best I can". As once I read: "Be merciful and reasonable about small imperfections. Does the fact that the sun has spots mean that it should be removed from the sky?. In spite of challenges, cling to what is luminous in yourself, in others, and in life itself, never forgetting your positive attachment to the highest good. When events seem foreboding, or people seem oppressive, remember the good that has been and is yet to be." Life is a continuous change, and we have to ride it the best we can. Best Regards Jonnny and as you say, do not give up

[@catebeal]

You ARE doing the best you can. You are just the same as anyone...we are all, in our own realities, doing the best we can. And no, dear, you don't need to change who you are. You are enough as you are. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough. Love and peace be with you.

[@tossell1969]

Don't beat yourself up. Even those of us without that many mental health problems have days when we're angry at stuff, the world, ourselves. Then that feeling passes. All feelings pass. You're looking well and sounding strong. Take care of you x

[@michelestephens9893]

Thank you for sharing Jonny and being honest, take care good to see you back on youtube

[@CindyNyxRavenmoon]

It's so wonderful to see you back!!!

[@elizabethhill6604]

Hi Jonny, I'm happy that you're feeling more positive and I'm so proud of you for getting yourself 'unstuck!' Keep going with the mindfulness! Much love, Elizabeth xxx

[@mohamedayman8169]

You’re inspirational Jonny thanks you

[@ansuhmayram]

haha love the mantra song, so upbeat and lovely x

[@leafegreens]

Sending much love and positivity your way.

[@ivanescareno1137]

Don't give up man you have alot to live for I believe in you

[@cindy1274]

Yes, I hate the stuck feeling, but it will pass. Activity helps, as it gets the endorphins going. I clean or go outside pull a few weeds. Play with my animals.

[@rebeccabrown847]

Good to see your feeling better😀

[@adrianiam9297]

Hi Jonny! I would like a lot to get in contact with you. You are not alone, we love you and care about you. You are handsome and so nice. I like to listen to you.

[@scrat0chy]

Ok JB. I have been following you for a time. My diagnosis is schizo affective disorder and I’m starting a new charity ‘Society of Schizophrenia’.

[@scrat0chy]

Running the London Marathon next year

[@woolforddavid70]

Fancy a burnt clay remix sir x

[@Dav_g435]

Your looking good for a person who has been on antipsychotics for a while. If your not taking antipsychotics anymore, well, you still look good for a person off antipsychiotics.

[@speakyourheart8548]

Thats because psychiatry told you you are not good enough. If you realised what you had within you you would see why that belief hurts you so deeply. I still hope for a day you trust yourself and not psychiatry x