I Purposefully Caused My Husband To Miss A Family Trip And His Mom Blew Up At Me r/Relationships

[@AndyyWithAY]

Alice is the only one at fault in story 2. She demanded you care for this child and then did not tell the forced babysitter about your child's dairy allergy. I wonder if this is a cause to contact CPS? Then you call her and it takes hours to respond. Absolutely unacceptable behavior on Alice's part. if you can report her, do it. She's a terrible mom.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Alice is running around trying to get everyone to think OP is irresponsible and even hateful towards small children in order to take everyone's focus off herself and onto OP. She's scared she'll get reported to CPS for not telling the person she asked to watch her child of the child's dairy allergy.

[@TsukiKageTora]

I believe it is a cause to call CPS, after all this lady literally made a person babysit her daughter and not so much as give information about any dietary restrictions or why. Hell, my mom’s friend had to go away for an emergency, called me the same day to see if I can watch his cat, the first thing he did was give me her allergy list to avoid. And this was a cat, not a human child. Shame on the mother

[@LunaP1]

I bet she dumped her kid on OP so she can get drunk with her friends or fuck some random guy. Either way, this is Alice's fault for purposely neglecting her child.

[@j.graham8068]

My guess is that's why she was so angry, she knows she's at fault and wants to deflect.

[@robertx8020]

And not answering the phone, when someone who is taking care of your child, calls? Ok maybe you can't answer tight away but If it was me, I would call back asap! Those friends that side with this B** are either lousy friends or missinformed!

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA so Alice drops her daughter off at OP's house, without even asking, giving her no information....and expected OP to know she had an allergy? Then when OP, the person watching her daughter, starts calling her, she doesn't pick up FOR HOURS. No way. Alice was a very neglectful parent. This is absolutely, totally, and completely Alice's fault. Any friend who takes Alice's side is either an idiot...or doesn't know the story.

[@brothersgt.grauwolff6716]

I'm beginning to wonder if Alice set OP up to take a fall

[@Mewse1203]

@@brothersgt.grauwolff6716 kinda seems like it.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

@@brothersgt.grauwolff6716 Naw. I delved deep into the comments. The whole story is from a Russian bot.

[@KCCAT5]

Imagine a mother telling her son that he won't amount to anything on his own unless he has a woman behind him? What kind of BS is that I can't even quantify where she stands on the mental health chart

[@zachf748]

How was OP supposed to know her allergies when the mom didn’t tell her?… Telepathically?

[@peggyseabrun4829]

OP has consistently had to get 5 small kids ready whilst trying to get SO up who stays in bed until 5 minutes to lift off and decides she's had enough. She is definitely not the AH , those who think she is petty , childish and an AH definitely are.

[@afez2752]

Just because you are an AH doesn't mean it is bad. Personal I think she was the AH but it was a good wake up call. It wasn't like it was an important meeting that ends his career, it was a family outing. Which allowed him to question it. Also he was definitely the AH I also understand how hard it is in a depression to get out of bed.

[@trilbynhiss]

How he managed to sleep through five small children playing/talking/arguing in the morning is beyond me unless he just stayed in bed pretending to sleep so he didn't have to interact with them.

[@lina9535]

She's basically been a broodmare, while he lazes around in the mornings. He's an adult, he can wake up on his own.

[@Sparky0627]

​​@@afez2752 You do realize he swore he would start helping OP, right? It would be an AH move if she did it without the history, but he has consistently been seltish, insisting HE should be the only one that gets to sleep in. OP isn't his alarm clock, she's his SO and the mother of their children! And even their THERAPIST said he needs to help more in the mornings! I'm a night owl, and always had problems getting up in the mornings. One morning, I thought an earthquake was my dad trying to get me out of bed, at least until my sister went screaming past my door to our parents' bedroom! Once I got older, I knew I was responsible for getting myself up! And as a DAD, I knew I needed to help my ex-wife with our son.

[@afez2752]

@@Sparky0627 I stand with what I said yes an asshole but a good asshole. He should not be sleeping in that much. It is ironically a wake up call.

[@joeschmo622]

allergy: Not a single person picked up on the fact that *Alice never once answered her phone* until well after the event? What?, was she getting boned and didn't want to be disturbed? That, as well as the fact of never once being told about the allergy, I'd let the whole "friend" group know *ALL* the details at what a lousy so-called "mother" Alice happens to be.

[@SinfulSumomoChannel]

Agreed. That is a big issue to me. Why didn't you answer?

[@puli_dreadhead]

Unless she was at a crime scene she’s lying about what type of emergency it was.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Was wondering the same. If I left my kid with someone and saw they’d tried to ring me 10x you better believe I’d call right away!!!

[@kateemma22]

'He told me to f off and I did... all the way to Amsterdam.' Outstanding.

[@mbyerly9680]

Let me guess. Milly's mom's "emergency" was cheating since she didn't even bother to answer her phone. An all around horrible mom from beginning to end, and she went after OP so publicly so people wouldn't question her own poor parenting.

[@anndownsouth5070]

First story: OP's husband is an adult, he should be able to get himself out of bed and ready to go on his own.

[@crazyminegamer2339]

Saying this before the update and the comments: As someone who’s fully capable of sleeping through my own alarms when I set them and needs others to be relentless when waking me up - even if I get pissed at them with how they do it or I get hurt in the process - I basically need to rely on others to be sure I’m actually woken up early enough. Considering I often screw up my sleep schedule and have been terrible when it comes to going to bed at an appropriate time very consistently - even now when I’m typing this at 3 in the morning - I tend to see this more from the husbands side. Personally, I feel like OP should be relentless with getting her husband out of bed just like I would like the people in my life to be so he either a, learns to wake up himself if he doesn’t want to be constantly pestered until he’s out of bed, or b, fully accept if he wants to be woken up, he’ll have to deal with all sorts of shit. Hell, OP could get the kids to wake him up. They’d do a far better job at pestering him until he was out of bed, and I personally think it would be a lovely way to wake up in the morning.

[@Mkay999]

You admit that you struggle with waking up due to staying up too late. There’s such a variety of alarms on the market, including vibration alarms and extremely loud ones you couldn’t possibly sleep through. It’s on you as an adult to wake yo ass UP.

[@Kyubinooni]

As a person who suffers from depression it makes the simplest of things seem daunting. Glad that the husband was able to get help and cut out the toxicity from his life.

[@crazyminegamer2339]

@@Mkay999 I use my phone since it’s the cheapest option, and I always try to make sure it’s as loud as possible. I also have it vibrating so I feel it. However, I’m a heavy sleeper, so if I haven’t already started waking up by the time my alarm goes off, I’ll probably sleep through it. This is where I probably need a good slap in the face to wake me up - since shaking me just makes me feel sick. Just normal motion sickness bs - or just some good ol’ fashion pestering. I’ll probably wake up grumpy, but I’ll get over in 10 or so minutes and just be happy I woke up at an appropriate time. As you can guess, I always feel like shit when I wake up late, which is why I’ve asked family members to wake me up early in the past. I stopped a while ago because it was pointless if I had my alarms turned off - at my mothers request - but I doubt this is something I’ll feasibly be able to change - at least not anytime soon.

[@thatoneguy9816]

Yeah. Depression is no excuse. I agree.

[@tamsel814]

Last story: I feel that the sibling don't see this money as a typical inheritance but more as some sort of compensation for the abuse they suffered. Compensation they never got as children.

[@robertx8020]

i guess but that is on the 'dad' not on OP!

[@terramarini6880]

Probably but I am on her side, they could have helped her by taking the kids for a while, letting her know they won't help him but they will help her would have gone a long way in their favor. Shame on them.

[@Ambidexter143]

Siblings could have told OP "no" when she asked for their help, but instead they abused her. Why should she reward their abuse? NTA.

[@rogerrabbit80]

Okay, if the inheritance is compensation for being abused, then getting it all is OP's compensation for the abuse her siblings provided when she was caring for her dying father. Siblings could have simply said, "No, we're not helping you with him. We don't forgive him." No problem. There is no law that says they have to forgive him. Giving OP a hard time after she forgave him is something else. It wasn't about forgiving the (admittedly crappy) father, but helping out OP, someone they claimed they cared about. This, in fact, is straight out of the father's playbook - "Behave this way, or I'll treat you like crap!" Okay, great. You wanted no contact with the man who treated you like that, but are now complaining when the person you treated the same way isn't falling all over herself to get back in your good graces. Sorry, that's not how it works.

[@treefittyforall]

@@rogerrabbit80 I agree. I feel like no one is entitled to anything from anyone when they die. If someone left stuff to people in my family, except me, then that means they didn't want me to have anything, and it was theirs to do that. It being theirs means they can give to to whomever they want. As far as the other siblings...How do they know their father's heart? They assume he was being petty by not leaving them anything. I think their words, and actions translated to him as... "Leave us alone, we hate you, and don't forgive you!" So, he probably felt worse, and just figured they wanted nothing from him anyway, and it was too late to mend any type of relationship. Maybe they'd just give it to someone else or donate it to a random charity. So, maybe in his mind it was better to leave it to his one child that loved and cared for him while taking care of her children as well. He wanted her to be okay, and his grand-children he got to know and love to be taken care of. He'd rather her have the money and whatever else she inherited to make sure it went to use for his family.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

Story 1: I've heard this story before - without the update - and thought the husband useless and his mother an AH for making a scene at the Zoo. With the update it explained so much more and I'm very glad for that happy conclusion. It's amazing how a little communication and some proactive changes made their world worth living.

[@BersealiaDreamheart]

Yep, it was all the fault of a toxic mother being a bad influence. Thank god it wasn’t another case of a mama’s boy.

[@technicaldifficulties368]

@@BersealiaDreamheart A lot of mammas boys DO have toxic relationships with their mother. It's unfortunate, but you can't force them to realize this and get help

[@ActivistVictor]

OP’s husband works 40-50 hours a week as said by their own admission on the OG post…. Useless, please? I bet you and most of Reddit don’t even work half that much a week, let alone taking care of kids on too

[@middaydraws3379]

@@ActivistVictor Hate to break it to you but even with the hours he works not helping with the kids makes him useless in that factor.

[@ActivistVictor]

@@middaydraws3379 uh huh, sure, try dating a deadbeat who won’t work at all and get back to me on that

[@Chantal_P-v4x]

Story 2 - NTA. How in this or any other universe could it possibly be OP's fault that she can't read minds? OP did everything right considering the important information so negligently left out by the child's mother. I would NOT have apologized once, let alone again after that! OP is owed the apology for the guilt, the accusations from friends, and the general stress of the situation, plus its aftermath!

[@t.matthies3049]

Agreed-She was trying to do something really nice for the kid. Had she known about the dairy allergy, she would have gone with a popsicle or something else the kid could eat safely. She handled the situation in the best and kindest way she could with the information she had.

[@TriXJester]

Second Story: I used to be a nanny for a lot of families and one of the first things I gave to parents/guardians were Information forms on the kids, and right at the top was a big box for allergies. It is the responsibility of the parent to know and inform anyone looking after their child about allergens, full stop.

[@PrismCasillica]

Story 1: I'm so happy Op and her husband were able to work it out and get to the root of the problem.

[@Drgnladymom]

As someone married for 34 years, my husband and son (30) do this. Sleeping through everything. I've told them both that they are grown ass men. If they can't get their shit together and get out of bed for important things or even semi-important things, that is NOT my problem. My time is just as valuable as his.

[@necilya]

1st story: what an amazing update. I hope that if I’m in the wrong one day I will be lucky to realise it and change things.

[@meadowsong8560]

Story 2. NTA. If you drop your kid off with someone make sure they know your kids have allergies! I know all of my friends, families and kids allergies. How? Because I was told. Repeatedly!

[@delilahbelle2125]

The comment about "I wake up at 4:50am 6 days a week, and like to sleep until 8 or 9 on my day off because I'm tired." Then don't have kids dude. Parents get up every day despite "being tired." We don't get days off. ETA: Great update. 👏👏👏

[@ladyv5655]

2nd story, the upside is that Alice will no longer be dropping off her child at OP's. OP should consider calling CPS as Alice seems very irresponsible. How often does she drop off her child with people on short notice without telling them about the lactose intolerance?

[@shebakoby]

Story 1: OP's MiL sounds like a narcissist who was dead set on keeping OP's SO as a "mamma's boy"/sonsband forever. No contact with that crazy woman is for the best.

[@Raaslen]

Story 1: NTA, I am responsible for waking myself up to go to school since I was 12, and I was that kid who would only skip school if I was sick (my parents would punish me if I ditched), and if I could never miss a day and never get late at 12, OP's husband can do that as an adult. Good to see that he at least seems to have understood that he was wrong and is trying to change it.

[@personneici2595]

Final story: OP could put money into a trust fund dedicated to therapy for her siblings if she wanted. But that's all I'd offer, personally. They cite the abuse specifically so give them a hand in recovering.

[@imstillhereithink7306]

What a wonderful outcome to story 1. I'm so glad that the husband did the difficult work on himself and that OP was a supportive wife through that change. Mark, you mentioned that it happened quickly, and I don't recall if you mentioned the time between OP and update, but I think it was over a longer period of time. He kept at his old job, then took time off, then went back, eventually quit, and got hired for a new position. He changed immediately after the zoo trip, got on meds, opened up to OP about everything he was struggling with, came to terms with how unhealthy his relationship with his mom was, went no contact, got harassed, changed his number, and then peace. He's continued to open and communicate how much happier he is being involved with his daughters again, and OP clearly sees not just the change in behavior, but also the change the in his mental state. She can tell he is happier and doing well. It feels like the hard work and course correction has been done here. Every relationship will require active communication, but I am choosing to count this as a very happy ending.

[@cynthiadollins4393]

Inheritance story, my sibling moved in with my parents and has been taking care of my parents (both in their late 80's) while working a full time job. He is getting their house and I think he deserves it. I still go when they need help or one is in the hospital. I have no problem with this at all.

[@Boundwithflame23]

For story 2 I’m willing to bet Alice lied and told the friends that OP knew about the allergy but gave Milly ice cream deliberately out of revenge for being asked to be a baby sitter last minute

[@ajwinberg]

The last story reminds me of the story about the chicken who took care if the garden and none of the other animals wanted to help, but when she had harvested it and made food from it all the Animals wanted the food. The O.P. worked hard and isn't the asshole. Even if her father was, she was the one who took care of him in his final days while also caring for her own children and when she asked for help she never got it. To me she deserves all the harvest for all the hard work she did.

[@phoenixsky6124]

You did everything right with Milly. Her mother failed. She also ignored your calls for hours while you had her child.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Ahh poor guy called his mommy to tattle that mean op didn't wake him up. 🤦

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

My guess about the babysitter with the allergic kid: All the friends piling on were hanging out without her, and that's why she had no details of where the mom was.

[@JohnSears1970]

Story 1: NTA. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions and learn how to wake himself up to help with the kids.

[@thatoneguy9816]

Yeah. Depression is no excuse.

[@damien678]

@@thatoneguy9816 But, it is very important to keep in mind since knowing his struggles will help find solutions that'll actually work for him.

[@aubreymorgan9763]

@@damien678 i appreciate the way you phrased that. I've had depression most my life as well as chronic illness. somedays I can't get much done, but I still need to work, take care of my home, pets, and feed myself. I've developed a system of doing things that work for me. very few of us get the luxury of just shutting down so that doesn't get much sympathy out of me if its a constant habit. I use the phrase work around your limitations rather than through them. Maybe he can help more often with the kids slowly with smaller things like help with the dressing for school or do bathtime for the younger ones. any help would be good for both of them and he can start to feel better with those small accomplishments.

[@magagail]

I really disagree with AstonianSoldier. So OP is supposed to wake him up like he’s a child, but when she imposes natural consequences, like missing out on something he wanted to do, like he is a child, then she’s being petty? She shouldn’t have to nudge him. He should get his shit together and be a grown up. Setting an alarm isn’t that arduous, dude. He just values sleeping over his family. That’s not OP’s problem.

[@thatoneguy9816]

Pretty toxic. Can’t wait for that favor to be returned

[@mindyschocolate]

Exactly. If he’d rather sleep in that’s his prerogative, but he can’t tattle on her to his mommy because he can’t be an adult and help his poor wife get all those kids ready. OP has six kids apparently.

[@mindyschocolate]

@@thatoneguy9816 doesn’t sound like it would be given there’s only one responsible adult.

[@thatoneguy9816]

@@mindyschocolate I agree. Depression is no excuse and anyone with depression should just get over it. Thank you for opening my eyes.

[@LetholdusKaspyr]

@@thatoneguy9816 I know lots of people with depression who are managing it and being functional adults who care for children. Being unable to manage his own sleep is pathetic. Has less to do with depression than habituation. If he decided to start getting up with the first alarm, he could.

[@haraldjensen3935]

Looks like hubby in story 1 got the wake-up call he really needed

[@jenniferfoote5442]

😉 i see what you did there

[@crowdemon_archives]

Literally.

[@pansprayers]

That YTA is off base. Nowhere in the marriage contract does it say you are required to enable an adult. I too 'relish' my sleep when my sleep disorders allow it. I still get my ass out of bed when I have plans, even if it means I've only had 90 blessed minutes in three days, and I'm starting to hallucinate (I don't drive for this and other reasons - I refuse to be a danger to other's safety if I have a seizure). If MIL thinks her grown ass son needs a 'shake' to get him up, then he's not done cooking, and can go back to her ass. They can all live together as a happily infantalized multi-gen family. Thankfully he finally saw a GP, but this is going to take effort to correct. Hope they get through it.

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

Story 3: If my siblings treated me like that, than I’m not sure I would want to even try salvaging a relationship with them. They can feel any type of way about their dad. That’s valid, but to take out their anger and frustration on OP for simply choosing forgiveness is just not okay. I don’t think I would want to share anything with them when they’re actively trying to hurt me.

[@bribri2925]

Yeah, giving them money isn’t going to make them keep their relationship. Relationship was already dead

[@reinventingmelissa2061]

Yeah, I agree. The siblings don't really seem like people worth keeping in OP's life. Keep the inheritance, go NC with the sibs, and live your best life.

[@akl2k7]

Yeah, I get not wanting to forgive the dad for being abusive, but making fun of OP for taking care of him? Ironically, despite them saying she's turning into their abusive dad, they're acting far more like him than OP is. Projection much?

[@randomusername3873]

@@akl2k7I disagree. "Ehi would you mind watching my kid while I take care of your abuser?" Ehm, how dare you

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

@@randomusername3873 I think the siblings are greatly displacing their anger. My father was very abusive as well. We got smacked and pushed us a lot. And he was not gentle with the pushing and we were just small kids. As we got older, it was more emotional and mental abuse that he used. We couldn’t even cry in front of him without him being a gigantic @sshole about it. He’s greatly mellowed out since then but he still has tendencies to say @sshole things or bring up past abuse like it was funny. But he’s also trying his best since he really wants to have a relationship with grandkids. (Personally I think he’s a huge idiot who doesn’t know how to read a room or realize how offensive he is. My guess is covert narcissism.) Either way, I don’t begrudge my one sibling who tries her best to have a relationship with him. Though I recognize that I need therapy and I’m not ready to emotionally let him nor my enabling mother fully into my heart, my older sister has a relationship with them as part of her healing. And I respect her choices as long as she doesn’t also try to guilt us into forgiveness. Not that this would happen since we all live very far apart, but if circumstances were different, and I was in OP’s siblings position where my sister needed help with her kids so she could take my dad to the hospital, I would watch those kids. My nieces and nephews had no part in the abuse. I’m not going to punish them for my fathers transgressions. The siblings in the story clearly have a lot of hate still in their hearts and are still very bitter and resentful. They need therapy since clearly that hate and bitterness is spilling out into other parts of their lives. Sorry for the Ted talk. Hope you have a nice day.

[@jessereyna6662]

Last story: we don’t know the whole story. We don’t know the conversations the dad had with his other children for instance. They may have told him, awful things, that basically ended his entire existence to them and they to him. I had a father that abandoned me as a 3 year old and he came back around when I was around 20. I refused to speak to him but my system did. To me I had no father. When he past over 10 years later if he had an inheritance and chose to leave me nothing and gave something to my sister who did spend some time with him that day, I wouldn’t give a damn. Yes he was an awful parent but wanting something from him after you have had nothing to do with this person for however long it has been it just crazy to me. He should have been a distant memory to them. I feel if dad had died and they didn’t even hear about it for several years but found out he donated a significant amount of money to charities they wouldn’t give a damn. But because a sibling returned and took care of him after forgiving him they now believe they deserve some or an equal share of that money.

[@lorifiedler13]

If OP feels so inclined, they can set up trusts for any nieces or nephews they have.

[@mero.856]

i agree completely. even objectively, the father didn't owe them anything. an inheritance is more of a gift than a requirement. if my dad was as bad as he was to them as children, i wouldn't have wanted a thing from him.

[@fytrndm]

They didn't have to forgive their father but they also don't have to mock their sister for doing that and then accused her for being like him when it is _them_ that are acting like him.

[@owl7072]

@@HamsterPooh there was literally no reason to mock Op though. It doesn't at all sound like she downplayed what he did considering she literally opened with talking about much of a massive piece of shit he was. If they were _that_ bothered then they could have taken it into their own hands and blocked Op like they did to their dad, but instead they stuck around, mocked Op, then demanded money. You don't get to cut people out of your life and mock those you keep then demand _anything_ from them while STILL mocking them and treating them like shit no matter _how much_ trauma and abuse you went through. Taking frustrations from YOUR trauma out on OTHER people is a shitty move and they need _therapy,_ not money from the people they claim to hate so much. I'm literally an abuse victim as well, so is my older sibling and many of my friends and _none_ of us would _ever_ behave like this. I get people have different trauma responses but oh my _god_ that doesn't excuse it.

[@owl7072]

@@HamsterPooh if you don't want to be forced to revisit then block the person making you revisit and/or get a restraining order. It's literally that simple. "I don't want to help that piece of shit, do not ask me again" _blocked._ You don't even have to actually say the first part. Op should have stopped asking, but they also shouldn't have stuck around. You don't get to linger around abusers and people who remind you of them then complain about being around abusers and people who remind you of them, especially when you have every choice and opportunity to _leave_ and never see either of them again.

[@owl7072]

@@HamsterPooh and I get that. I _really_ do cause I have a similar issue with some of my family, but when it comes down to it they seem to have no issue with cutting out Op if they don't get any of the inheritance, so they might as well just go ahead and do it anyway and stop seeing Op since they disagree so heavily on the matter. Maybe later they can contact Op again, but right now is clearly not a good time for any of them. Emotions are still very clearly raw. /gen /nm

[@fytrndm]

@@HamsterPooh No, they crossed the line when they asked for his pictures to see his suffering on top of mocking OP for her choices and unwilling to help her. You act as if an abused victim can't be an abuser when the truth is, many became exactly like the person they appear to hate so much. They hated the guy so much that they're taking it out on OP, they're no better than him.

[@twilighteli865]

@@HamsterPooh Keeping the inheritance of the person that they want nothing to do with, mocking op when she said they didn't have to visit the father but to babysit her children. they asked for photos of him to laugh at him, they turned out to be like him when all she did as a VICTIM along side her siblings was forgive him and look after him. She showed more humanity than they did. I was also abused not by a parent but by someone I thought loved me. I forgave them, and if they asked to talk to me on their death bed I would say that I did, I wouldn't forget what they did to me for years, but that I forgave them so that I could move on from it. It wouldn't be for them it would be for me. If they wanted inheritance when they might "need" it how about instead of abusing a fellow victim, they help her.

[@gelasiakidd8076]

The YTA person on the first story kind of neglects the whole point that he made a promise and then broke it. It's not about the sleeping. It actually made me mad a bit. This guy playing funny with words, paying attention to what he wants to pay attention to and calling it petty- this sounds like a person I would not want to be around. You can't cherry pick for arguments, yuck.

[@protoskeeper]

Also he completely neglects the whole point where he is supposed to help with getting the children ready. It was not just about having to wake him up.

[@randalthor741]

It sounded like someone who saw themselves in the OP's husband and was trying to turn OP into the bad guy so they could feel better about themselves.

[@kbf9644]

That YTA comment made me so mad I typed out an entire comment about it and deleted as rage typing. But yeah, that one.

[@Mewse1203]

Yeah, that comment ignored major points of the story. She spends hours trying to wake him sometimes so a "nudge" wouldn't work. Poor reading comprehension or the same type of person?

[@Mewse1203]

@@randalthor741 that is exactly what I thought.

[@Ladyresin0978]

This happened with my friend/roommate in college. They would set 3 alarms and sleep through them. Sometime i would shake them and it wouldnt help. They probably had some kind of sleep disorder. So once after the third alarm, I went in, did the shake and told them to get out of bed. Several hours later, they woke up, having missed a couple classes and berated me for not waking them up. I was not amused.

[@jenniferhanses7064]

Story 2: NTA. The mother is TA for dumping the kid on you and not giving you a list of her allegens to make sure you knew since you don't normally look after her. As a side note, my niece is allergic to numerous things: milk, blackberries, raspberries, etc. One of the first things she could recite as a child was the list of foods she was not to eat because she'd have an allergic reaction. She gets "special" milk and special ice cream, and she knows it has to be that way. At 3, the mother should have been teaching the child her allergens and what she can't have.

[@Russman67]

He promised to wake up. He failed. He also knew about the trip. He's a grown man (on paper at least). He can do it or he can sit at home. I work a full-time position and there are times I really would love to sleep in, but if I need to go somewhere at 0 dark in the morning, I plan accordingly including when to wake my ass up. He can do it too. After the edit: Wow that's a lot of change in a short amount of time. Serious tipping point moment for the husband.

[@jenniferhanses7064]

He failed to get up because she turned off the alarm clock. That's different that just "he promised and he failed."

[@lycantabris]

@@jenniferhanses7064 She turned off her alarm, not his.

[@SakuraMoonflower]

@@jenniferhanses7064 No. SHE set her own alarms separately from him, and he claimed to set different ones on his own phone. SHE woke up to HER alarms and shut off HER alarms. He LIED about setting alarms, so he slept the whole morning through because he planned to have her wake him up at the last minute, like she's done before, even though SHE EXPRESSLY TOLD HIM NOT TO COUNT ON HER THAT MORNING THE NIGHT IN ADVANCE AND TO SET HIS OWN ALARMS. Hence why he LIED about setting alarms in the first place.

[@Russman67]

@@jenniferhanses7064 if by turning off the alarm clock you mean she didn't actually wake him up this time, then yes. She set an alarm for herself while he "said" he did. Hence he failed

[@jenniferhanses7064]

@@Russman67 They sleep together in the same bed. The alarm was set. Why would they have more than one alarm clock?

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1 update: This is wonderful! He's happier, their family is happier, and his evil mother is out of the picture. Hopefully forever.

[@draconicfeline6177]

Being an adult is knowing your needs and limitations and helping YOURSELF. You ASK for help but you also do not make that help a burden or take it for granted.

[@Germania72]

26 years old and she already has 5 children! Damn!

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 3: NTA. This is crazy that the siblings expect inheritance. If the siblings hated father that much, why would they want inheritance?

[@Sparky0627]

Because they "deserve" it for how bad growing up to them he was. Like OP didn't go through it as well? She was able to get over it, and help her dad. Her siblings didn't do that, and even when she asked for them to help her, mocked her! TBH, dad should have given them a minimal amount. Maybe $1,000 just to rub their bad behavior towards their sister! With them getting only $1 if they contested it!

[@reallyisay]

5 kids and husband needs to be shaken to wake up.. seriously with 5 kids? And then called his mommy to cry. Girl Run

[@1992KCWolf]

OP is not an alarm clock, her partner needs to reevaluate his sleep schedule by the sound of it. You have kids to take care of, wake the waffle up! Be a parent. I’m sure that OP was exhausted too and would have appreciated the chance to sleep in too.

[@Joffar]

Weaponized incompetence, baby!

[@danisonice.]

A comment really said "romantic partners are supposed to love the other more than themselves"..... No br0 👀

[@mysticaccy]

Last story: OP said the siblings were already cutting off contact with her because she choose to forgive the dad, soo it wouldn't make any difference if they go no contact, but they may try to sue

[@Candicool]

The last man I had to wake up was my older brother, he promised to be ready but we all suspect he has undiagnosed sleep issues and of course was fully passed out. I wouldn't normally bother to wake him because he's particularly hard to raise from slumber but unlike op's story this wasn't a trip to the zoo but it was to get to the airport to attend our grandmother's funeral, in America (we live in England). I'm the family alarm, honestly I hate it but the one person I don't do it for is my fiancé. He gets up on his own! I love him for it.

[@wendyhadley2764]

Forgiveness is a good thing, and you are reaping the rewards of that. I know for a lot of people there aren't rewards or you forgive somebody but they don't change their behavior your father did, and he was rewarded for accepting that forgiveness in changing his behavior he loved you. He probably still loved your siblings but they didn't forgive him. You were blessed by getting to know your father, and having a good relationship with him. Your siblings even saw this and still rejected him. Are definitely NTA.

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 1: NTA. Husband f**ked around and found out. Shoutout to OP's mother for jumping in when MIL interjected in someone else's business. I would have cursed MIL in the middle of the zoo.

[@owl7072]

Story 3: I get people have different trauma responses but there's something that feels inherently.... _twisted_ about the whole "take a picture of him so we can see him weak" part after hearing he was sick and essentially dying. On top of that, they said that shit, mocked Op for helping him, then demanded some of his money. If you want nothing to do with him, then cut him out and have nothing to do with him, but you gotta understand that if you cut someone out, you don't get to make demands after they die. Idk man I just think they need therapy more than an inheritance.

[@catandrobbyflores]

I'm looking at it as they are wanting to see the person who made their lives hell, suffering. I'm not saying its right or it isn't twisted but I can understand why. There is a lot of hate behind a request like that.

[@mero.856]

hard agree

[@tatkkyo9911]

If you've been beaten and abused by someone you may find yourself wanting the same. it's twisted but so was the father's treatment of them and honestly ops action probably felt like betrayal. (Long before money was involved)

[@mero.856]

@@tatkkyo9911 i've been abused by my own father. i still won't allow that to be an excuse to become a horrible person and wish death or ill harm on anyone, even if they were the one to abuse me. doing that would make me no better.

[@ladyofshallott5005]

This response is partly why I would think there was a LOT more abuse than what It sounds like. I have the same feeling for my parents. You might say it is wrong of me, but my parents abused me so much and I have so much pure hatred for them, that the thought of them eventually dying hopefully in pain and all alone makes me happy. (Yes I'm in therapy, but no therapy will undo the things they did or change the fact that I will always hate them.) And while I don't expect to be in their will at all, since I've cut contact years ago, I do feel "entitled" in a way to some money when they die as a form of compensation for everything they did. And also because they stole a lot of money from me in various ways while I was still living at home.

[@Squiggy8440]

What i have to say about story #1: “your wife is your partner, not your mum. *clap clap* your wife is your partner, not your mum. *clap clap* she’s not your live in maid or a cooking crew so she shouldn’t have to clean up or parent after you.”

[@gtc9966]

She’s continuing her father’s abuse. Disgusting.

[@ambriib]

Mark should have a meet and greet. lan on going to England next year and I'd love to hear him tell stories in person.

[@Tyanna01]

Story 2: OP is 100% not the AH. But it sounds like to me, she just got out of babysitting duties for her friend group and should totally play that card when ANYONE who is telling her she isn't responsible and is the AH in this situation asks her to help out with child care. "Oh, sorry. Remember, I'm not responsible enough to watch children? You should find someone you can trust."

[@Salazarsalsa]

Get a new partner. 5 kids and refuses to help? Fuck that.

[@helar2574]

getting new partner with 5 kids is almost a miracle itself

[@carolroberts4614]

If their anything like my ex they'd be better off alone! He never helped at all, and made more mess than the kids!

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA with the added context of it starting after moving in with his parents, it is clear he has abdicated his responsibility. He is PURPOSELY oversleeping. This isn't an issue where he can't get up. He WON'T get up Edit: that YTA comment is RIDICULOUS. He is doing this purposely and OP is sick of it. He doesn't get to sleep in so she can do all the work and then put the work of waking him kn her too. That comment completely ignored major parts of the story like the fact thay she sometimes spends an hour trying to wake him. A "nudge"? What a joke. Edit after update: this is a FANTASTIC update. His mom is a terrible person who used his mental health to manipulate him...making it worse.

[@queencatherineofaragon938]

S1: that YTA post is so off base. “It’s petty to not nudge him, partners are suppose to help each other,” yet completely misses the fact that Op left him alone BECAUSE he doesn’t HELP get the children ready. Such a dumb take, way to miss the point.

[@celarania]

The last story - I finally figured out how I'd do the inheritance in a way to be fair but try to keep my siblings in my life. There are 3 siblings counting op (if I understand correctly). I would give them each 1/6 of the estate. All the siblings were with the dad for the first half of their lives and were abused by him, so it would be nice if they got something from it. In the second half of their lives, op did the work all by herself so she gets that half all to herself. That leaves op with 4/6 parts of the inherentance and the other siblings with 1/6 each.

[@twilighteli865]

yes lets give some inheritance to the siblings that mocked and laughed at the op as a reward. they turned out like the father in the end, abusing a fellow victim of the father. they asked for photos to laugh at him, they didn't want to babysit her kids, they mocked her. They deserve nothing because of how they treated her. She did all the work, they wouldn't be happy with so little of it just because she did it all herself, they would want more than her because they deserve it more. people like them they won't let her keep so much of it

[@celarania]

@@twilighteli865 No, they each lost half of what could have been theirs by mocking op. But I think the father owes the siblings something for the abuse they suffered at his hands. There are two wrong here: all three people were abused and the OP was mocked and didn't get help taking care of their father. The siblings being nasty to op doesn't remove or make up for the abuse they suffered. At this point op has to decide if their siblings are worth having in their life. Giving them each 1/6 of the inheritance clearly says "I understand your rough childhood, but I'm not okay with how you treated me as an adult. I can twist your words just as effectively as you twisted mine if you like, but I doubt that would make you happy.

[@lexi6916]

I agree with this division but I don't think OP is an AH for not giving them anything. I also don't think the siblings would accept anything less than 1/3. I think she should just give them nothing and cut them from her life. They sound incredibly toxic. I get hurt people hurt others but that doesn't excuse them. Op should earmark some of the inheritance for their therapy.

[@celarania]

@@lexi6916 what you're saying is very reasonable, but I also believe in being as fair as possible, even to people i don't like. We are dealing with people who were abused as children not liking their abuser and I think that's very fair.

[@twilighteli865]

@@celarania Yes they didn't like their abuser, no one does, I certainly don't like mine, but if my siblings received money from my sperm donor because they looked after him, I would not care for any of it, I would not make fun of them for looking after him and being by his side, I would not even accept anything that they offered to give to me. It is not being fair, it is called feeling entitled

[@pansprayers]

Don't get mad at me if you dump your kid on me with zero notice and zero idea of their allergies and shit goes wrong. Common Sense 101.

[@jr5557]

I would want that YTA, to explain how the husband is serving and cherishing and helping his wife in those moments because he's not. But it's still the op's responsibility to bend over backwards for him. She's getting five kids ready. He can wake his own ass up

[@dvonart]

not only that but her method worked, and he went to his doctor

[@wraith176]

What kind of neglectful idiot leaves their child with someone and doesn’t make sure they know about the child’s food allergies! Worse yet not answer the damn phone when the freaken babysitter keeps calling you!

[@darlacooper7930]

Last story: Op took care of the Father. Op sacrificed aspects of her life to care for the Father. Op suffered financially to care for the Father. In my opinion, that money is her compensation for work done. She did a job and got paid for it. The siblings did nothing, so they get nothing. It would be the same situation if he was the best father in the world and they did nothing to help then either. The family who visits and helps, usually ends up getting more than the ones who do not. People are just entitled.

[@achocot]

the father manipulated her until the end i think. he could have hired help for the house the kids and him for her while she was taking care of him to make things easier for her but didn't. she left early on, at only 15, god knows what the siblings went through. They should all be compensated for all their trauma in a way but it's her decision. She can choose to do whatever she wants. If she loved her siblings before she got in contact with her dad then she would share a small part of the inheritance since it's that big. But she also has a right to keep all of it. I wouldn't commend her though for sticking by an abusive individual.

[@jjmitch1411]

Agreed. I honestly don’t blame the siblings for going off on OP. She was caring for their abuser, so helping her would be indirectly helping their dad. We’re they sinister? Yes. Is it justified? Considering it was towards their long time abuser, yeah. The only AH is their father who succeeded in failing as a father and manipulating his kids post mortem.

[@aga3852]

@@achocot If the siblings loved HER, they would not belittling her, making sadistic comments about death and pain, and making fun of op. Little things like this show you THEY don't respect OP, and if OP DOES give them money, it will not make the relationship better. That's just how it is.

[@bernhardprziwara2392]

im on the road right now and this is helping lots with the drive.

[@catherinetiernan5888]

He sounds like a Good Man who is stepping up to the mark with his Wife and 5 Daughters and his mother.

[@cobaltjay9862]

Story one legitimately made me smile by the end

[@SteviiLove]

I like when TAs are able to take the judgment and use it for self improvement instead of doubling down. We need more healthy conversations.

[@mikal9904]

Dude OP had plans and was just like “sure i’ll unexpectedly take your 3 year old and i’ll just take her with me to the movies and buy her ice cream and take her to the park” and the mom was like HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW MY KID HAVE A SLIGHT DAIRY ISSUE

[@Mewse1203]

Be kind, be safe and take care of yourself. Have a great day

[@clairebear-96]

1st story NTA this poor lady has SIX kids not five….. she’s the AH a little bit tho for continuing to have children with someone like that bc there’s no way he didn’t act like this the WHOLE time. like girl just stop for your own sake please Edit: awwww I’m so glad the update was so nice, good for them, I take back what I said earlier 😂

[@MGP2210]

Story 01: I knew it! While the husband is at, there is also something wrong with him. His abusive mother.

[@AndyyWithAY]

WTF they're not even 30 and have 5 kids!! She has to take responsibility for this too. You knew he was not willing to help in the morning and you still had more kids with him.

[@LilySaintSin]

Yeah, that's true.

[@ynmonroe]

Nope. She explained he didn't use to be like this. Plus his vasectomy was incomplete which is why they made it to 4.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

So, she's responsible for what a grown ass man fails to do in his own volition

[@michaelmurratti4687]

last Story! Losing your Choosing Begger Entitled Siblings..sounds GREAT to me! Trash took itself Out!

[@Silence-1170]

Hi waffles. I hope you're all doing well, just got off the phone with my dad and i'll be joining my dad and my aunt to go out for dinner tonight.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hope it's really yummy

[@Silence-1170]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 Thank you. I hope it is as well.

[@WakWak313]

Enjoy your meal and time spent with family!

[@Silence-1170]

@@WakWak313 Thank you I will.

[@zozocecp]

Hope it’s a good dinner! : )

[@dafinamosley912]

The first story ended so well!

[@joreyn7656]

For the allergy story, it's the responsibility of the parent to share that information with a caretaker. The hospitalization is off on the mother and not on OP at all.

[@Kay-uy4xn]

OP in story 2 is being horribly slandered by her friend - saying she tried to kill her daughter! OP needs to take legal action

[@toshi9742]

"Romantic partners are supposed to serve each other" "and to love the other more than themselves" ... uhhh anyone else cringe at these?

[@carolroberts4614]

Absolutely!

[@bettybell63]

Why would Any Adult feel they need someone else to wake them up? Key word ADULT!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@GreenSkye42]

Please have a great day!!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@GreenSkye42 thanks and you too m8 much love 💜💜🤗🤗

[@lisaedwards2542]

Thank god op got hubby to see his gp hope everything goes well.

[@mssevensins]

We found out my nephew was allergic to cashews when he was around 3. I was told just cashews and seafood. I have a seafood allergy too so I’m very strict with monitoring what he eats, and share my meals with him when we go out (he’s almost 7 now). I was watching him and I gave him some wonderful pistachios, his mom failed to tell me they there can be a cross reaction to other nuts, and poor kid swelled up. Because of her failure to tell me, she couldn’t be mad, and now we just joke about it. If you ask him what he’s allergic to “cashews and pistachews”

[@TabbiToyCollectibles]

In the last story, I think the siblings are more like the dad then OP is. Mocking her for forgiving him and helping him out. Just for the way they behaved about her choices, they don't deserve anything.

[@teacheschem]

I agree with you. It’s one thing not to help him, another to turn their back on her. If they despised him, which they are entitled to, then they should be glad to refuse his money.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

The father was scum until the very end. The inheritance shouldn’t have been conditional on forgiveness for the trauma he inflicted on his children. OP doesn’t owe her siblings anything but the abusive piece of shit father damn sure did. He didn’t deserve forgiveness.

[@gs0760]

But what struck me is how do we know? I'm not calling OP a liar, in fact I sympathise with them a lot, but who's to say that they're not just perceiving it as "mockery". We're only really getting one side of the story here. I just also feel really bad for the siblings in the sense that in their eyes OP choose the man who abused them as children. I know OP has the right to forgive if they want to, but then the siblings also have the right to feel betrayed. Just think, would you be okay if your sibling still talked to someone who abused you?

[@gs0760]

Plus, I don't think OP is the A-hole at all. The only thing I would point out is that they're are being as stubborn as their siblings, refusing to see their perspective as well. But all in all I think everyone can agree that the "father" is an absolute horrible excuse of a person and I doubt he actually changed much at all. However, this is just my two cents, I'd be interested to hear what you think.

[@alexvalentine5091]

Seriously. Who asks for pictures of a dying man? Abused or not, that’s gross 🤢

[@seshthecat]

Couples are meant to "serve each other" and "love them more than you love yourself" wtaf hell no.

[@reshawshid]

"I say I'm not giving you what you want, so you punish me by... giving me the best thing you could ever give me, your absence from my life? Seems like a strange punishment to me but please do go away forever."

[@princess2none]

Story 1 complaining it was petty not to nudge: umm...she has 5 kids to get ready and he KNOWS it's an ongoing issue and refuses to be helpful...I might have nudged him at 630 but if he didn't get up I would've left

[@donnamichelerichey2878]

You can choose not to forgive or help and be rude about it but then you can't expect inheritance

[@kellywaters643]

1st op commenter that said yta: do you have 5 kids? you don't get breaks with 5 kids. it's not petty when you've dealt with this for forever.

[@troywilcox]

First story ik growing up we got 1 warning to get up if we didn't we got water on the face lol

[@SS-te4hs]

Done mom of Millie is 100 percent the fault of everything!!!! WHO DROPS OFF A KID WITHOUT TELLING THE BABYSITTER OVER AND OVER THAT THE CHILD HAS ALERGY AND WHO DOESNT ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN THE BABYSITTER CALLS???????????????????????????????????????????

[@johnnagustafson9996]

Inheritance story.... The OP should should pay herself what a professional caregiver would have received during the time that she took care of him. Then share the inheritance with her siblings if she feels that that is the right thing to do... but she should get reimbursed for the care she gave off the top.

[@helar2574]

Story 1: WHY, WHY 5 kids with such husband? OP really didnt see that trend with first, second, third, etc?

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA look, the siblings have every right to feel how they do about the dad. They don't owe him forgiveness or a chance to make amends. HOWEVER, they don't get to force OP to feel the same. The fact that they treated her badly for giving him the opportunity to make amends and helping him is why she's not the asshole for not sharing. They didn't have to forgive him, but they don't get to treat OP badly for doing so and expect her to share her inheritance.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@corettagood165]

Last story NTA. OP said she was juggling caring for her father and 2 small children and they said no and mocked her. The thing about it is they had every chance to say hey we’ll help out with the kids when we can but want nothing to do with dad maintaining their boundaries and helping their sister. To demand money from someone you literally mocked and deserted is entitled.

[@Denuhm]

IMAGINE leaving your child with someone and not telling them that the child has an allergy to something as common as milk. Christ on a stick.

[@DisneyChar]

S3. NTA, they chose to abuse you like they learned from dad, you're the only one who escaped but it sounds like they haven't learned from the past, enjoy the inheritance.

[@defuncttoad9552]

For someone with a small child with allergies. You can get or make a tag to put on their bag that has medical info like allergies on it.

[@commondirtbagz7130]

Imagine being an adult with kids and not being able to wake up on your own 🤦‍♂️