I Refused To Use My Inheritance Money To Pay For Step-Sisters Life Threatening Medical Treatment

[@Hanzo1]

No one is obligated to pay for anyones surgery, especially someone who is a stranger to them, blood related or not. The father is a huge AH though

[@meridianx9020]

A sister is someone you grow up with, share memories with, love through life. A shared "blood tie" doesn't make a sibling.

[@rishikulkarni4912]

he did it out of despairation

[@tomsautocadstudio6446]

the farther is desperate but yeah slightly the asshole.

[@aluralovell6829]

But she's not a stranger, she's known the girl all her life but chooses to hold a grudge against her for something that was in no way her fault. No, she is not obligated to pay for her surgery but I she is also the AH because her reasons are purely vindictive and clearly meant to hurt her father and his mistress, she is punishing the girl for something that is not in any way her fault.

[@leaschmitt2496]

I think blood relationship is the least of it. But they don't even have an actual relationship. She doesn't know the child. If they were close I would lean more to yta

[@jessiejeanne9717]

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird to shower at someone's house if you're not spending the night or a qualifying emergency (vomit, poop, pee, etc getting on you)?

[@iggyeggy5266]

Yeah it’s pretty weird- like, if you go to a friends house after a soccer game per say you don’t just strip down and take a shower as soon as you get to their house

[@florihae]

I totally agree! Especially the argument of the one who picked the "dirty kid" up in a brand new car....a damn shower would not clean the clothes Karen....

[@drakinabites]

I think it depends on the people involved. I know my aunt has offered in the past to let myself and my grandmother come over if we ever wanted to have a bath in her tub because it's fairly big and deep, and I invited myself over to my grandmother's place for a shower a couple of times, though those had been because of extenuating circumstances.

[@jessiejeanne9717]

@@drakinabites right, but that's your grandma and grandmas are the best! Plus, anyone who would buy you underwear, unironically, it's cool to shower/ bathe at their place.

[@justfelicitous5109]

Story 3: Honestly I would never assume that I would be taking a shower at someone else's house unless I was spending the night there. And I'd never want to have 20 people spend five hours to take showers in my house either (imagine the clean up!), especially since he said they left about three hours later, so everyone literally wouldn't have been able to take a shower anyways. They should have just came back to the house to get some food and went home. Also, if for most of the kids it was just a day trip, I'd imagine they didn't have clean clothes to put on afterwards so what would be the point?

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

Exactly! Someone gets it!

[@florihae]

All the YTA comments are so fucking weird to me. Exactly as you said, the clothes would still be dirty, so even the Karen that complained would not suddenly have a perfectly clean kid in her car...

[@doctordetroit1217]

They could have filled the hand basin and washed that way, the family must know that the water was in limited supply, so to keep being it up they are all a-holes!

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 3: NTA. It's easy for redditors to say that when they're not the one who has to pay the water bill. He tried to make a compromise and they didn't take it.

[@reptiles3244]

You've clearly never had military drill showers which were his only compromise

[@reptiles3244]

Military drill showers fucking suck and those children will definitely still be unclean

[@irrylathsilver6130]

To the ones replying to you.... so? Who tf showers at someone elses house? Family or otherwise. Gross. What about a change of clothes? If the parents wanted to have their kids bathe they should take them home.

[@reptiles3244]

@@irrylathsilver6130 sorry if you're a damn germaphobe but not everyone is for one and as for the change of clothes it's obvious either every kid had one or they would get the mud and sweat and everything else off their actual body.

[@tonyblake7569]

He planned what they did including going back to his place. Why would he think they'd want to be covered in paint all day? They could have gone swimming? Awesome because the what 20 kids going in the pool still filthy wouldn't make that water disgusting and who doesn't want to do the equivalent of bathing, and share bath water with that many people? He planned for failure.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

On Story 4, it's hard to place cause everyone's different, people are letting their emotions rule their judgement, as someone who was unwanted by my bio-dad, I was happy that he at least was honest about it, obviously upset he didn't want me. But I am extremely grateful he was honest about it.

[@MrJpaynebb]

The only innocents here are the son and OP's wife and other kids. Mom, YTA for not contacting OP 1st before letting her son just put his heart to be stomped on and also for breaking the agreement she had with OP. I don't like the arrangement but 2 consenting adults made an agreement of money for no contact which she violated. OP for not telling his wife his already has a child before marriage and for being callous and rude to the son on 1st contact. As a married, father now he should know how to be firm but not harsh with a teenager. Hope OP realizes that this was it, his one chance though to have a relationship because the way he treated that kid on the phone means should he grow older and change his mind or his other kids want a relationship with that oldest son expect him to slam the door in their face as he did when he was a teenager.

[@75SuperMario]

Good perspective. I grew up with a single mother and would randomly see my bio-father every other year in stores. I treated him as a stranger, but would give a nod of acknowledge if I were to see him. OP is NTA in my opinion; he was direct from the beginning and now he's being chastised for respecting the mother's decision in not being involved. I can only fault the mother in this situation for not contacting OP first.

[@faeb.9618]

the fact that the mom actually told the kid to contact op while knowing that he hadn't changed his mind feels so cruel actually?? just- this kid probably thought the father did want to meet him and their situations hadn't allowed it or something like that and then found this... op is innocent in my eyes but damn what the hell was that mom thinking

[@cgi2002]

@@MrJpaynebb would honestly question if OP's wife isn't aware he has a child. He is after all paying child support, so unless their finances are separate she'd have noticed that. He may have told her, she went "ok" and they left it at that. As for the AH judgement, he was harsh but at the same time he was ambushed. If the ex wanted the son to speak to OP, she should have checked with him first. So as much of an AH op is, she is worse. As for people moaning about him abandoning his child. He was clear to the ex he didn't want a child, he screwed up having unprotected sex, but she is just if not more guilty. She also didn't use protection, its not just on the man. She is also one who made the conscious decision to have the child, the father doesn't get a say in termination, that is all on the mother. He essentially became a glorified sperm donor and cash machine due to a single stupid mistake that she actively punished him for. The law needs changing, bio-fathers should have the legal right abandon parential responsibility before the end of the first trimester, and if not informed prior to this point, 30 days from the moment they are informed to accept/refuse responsibility. Baby trapping been legal is stupid.

[@amandacalder6007]

@@cgi2002 I agree that he did make things clear with the mom making her the AH in this situation but seeing as how she likely never decided to tell the kid about the dad wanting nothing to do with him ever the kid in no way knew what to expect. I don't think the dad is an AH for not wanting a relationship but he could have been gentler about it since it is a kid and it was never his fault for existing he could have put it in a better way rather than being blunt and basically telling the kid they were unwanted and that he has a real family now, and while it's still entirely the mom's fault for telling him to call the kid is going to have some very big issues that I hope she gets him therapy for.

[@minnie3434]

1st story: NTA, but my heart breaks over the little girl. She 100% innocent thing that came out of that affair. I can see it now. Her mom feeding her bs that her sister could save her, but won't. A little girl wondering why her sister hates her and is letting her die (of course all of this is false, but I can see OP's dad and his mistress being that manipulative to try and guilt OP into paying.)

[@dream6562]

Oh my parents wouldn't have to feed me that story, I'd already believe it the moment she said no, so she may already feel that way already

[@krisniznik3953]

It's another example of why health care is a human right, and should be a collective obligation financed by taxes, rather than a for-profit endeavor financed by individuals. Medicare for All! edit: Someone in the comments suggests op speak to a therapist about it. That's expensive too! Medicare for All!

[@samx36]

Honestly, for the last story, the OP was essentially a sperm donor who did his duty. I dont think hes an AH because of him not caring for the kid. The only AH part was maybe the delivery but at least he was honest about not dragging the kid along. Ex is the Supreme AH because she knew OP didn't want the child, she decided to keep it and now has pushed her son to a very unfortunate decision. The kids pain tests 99% on her shoulders.

[@fcold9402]

1. NTA. This is like asking 'Why not give up your inheritance for ANY sick child?". Why would her being a half sister be different than a friends daughter or one of the kids on the cancer commercials?

[@iggyeggy5266]

Yeah- I don’t think they understand that family doesn’t just mean related by blood

[@aluralovell6829]

While this may be true I still say she's an AH because she is punishing a child essentially for being born, you can clearly see it in how she explains why she doesn't want to help this isn't a simple case of you don't owe someone or you're not obligated because family this was clearly vindictive and meant to punish the owners for something the child had no hand in or control over. This is no different than that story about the man who loudly proclaimed he wouldn't be donating to his coworker to help with his daughter's cancer treatments because he didn't like him. The issue was not that be didn't want to donate but he didn't have to say it loud for all the world to hear just not donate. In this case, I don't feel she is the AH for not donating but for admitting she's pretty much doing so out of spite and hate towards a child that has done her no wrong.

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

@@aluralovell6829 how did you come to this conclusion? No where in this story is hate indicated for this child. Only the fact that they have no relationship, which for some reason you have decided is an obligation on her part. It is not. Forgiving the father does not mean she's obligated to feel the way she used to about him, or that she has to make his family, her family. You are reaching here and concluding with bias and not fact. Your reasoning is just as manipulative as the father.

[@teacheschem]

@@aluralovell6829 - Even if she feels she wouldn’t do it for that specific reason she is still NTA. She had zero obligation to that child who is a stranger to her. And she is allowed to feel resentful of the hurt when that child was discovered. It doesn’t matter what the reason she doesn’t want to do it. We hear about dying kids every day and we are not reaching into our pockets to help strangers. Why should she?

[@wmdkitty]

@@aluralovell6829 Yeah... you must be the mistress, the way you're trying to spin this.

[@cheskydivision]

Being in situations where water was not available we had to take bucket baths. If it was warm enough to swim the kids could have filled a bucket. Washed up then rinse off. All out side

[@Valfara770]

He told them they could just swim in the pool, but they didn't want that....

[@cgi2002]

I was a teenager, been a sweaty smelly guy was the average tuesday in the summer. Been covered in paint just meant I managed to get paid to paint something. I wouldn't expect a shower until I got home, but give me a pool to jump in, I'd have done that without complaint. Hell I'm 35 now, I'd still jump in the pool if a shower wasn't an option.

[@FriedaMMartin]

That first story, is freaking laying in on thick like he didn’t mess up and sleep with a mistress

[@jennstewart3003]

And not say anything for at least 7 years..... It wasn't a short affair. He was raising a child together in secret and just not saying anything until he got caught. He's a manipulative person by nature.

[@aluralovell6829]

@@jennstewart3003 The child was born after the divorce they didn't raise it in secret.

[@wmdkitty]

@@aluralovell6829 Are you the mistress or something?

[@sws212]

@@aluralovell6829 Listen to the story again, they found out he was cheating and had a 7 year old daughter. The divorce is after the kid.

[@jmarie9997]

Not to mention, your old dad was playing with the mistress while being married to his rich wife. I bet some of Mom's money already went to that kid.

[@lilred5515]

Honestly, the showers was nta. I have family that has a similar thing where they have to conserve water because they have to get it brought in. I remember my mom telling me to not run the water for too long when washing up because of it and I was super aware of it. So we all knew about it even the kids. So as long as op made sure the parents knew about it, it was up to the parents to respect that and deal with their kids Also, for just a day event/trip I would have never expected to use someone's shower unless something drastic like being vomited on happened. But then my parents wouldn't have cared if I was a bit dirty in the car on the way home. If they were they woulda just brought towels for me to sit on

[@kristy6703]

I knew families who lived in the country with very limited water. They only flushed if someone had a bm, or right before there was too much TP. They took their laundry to the laundromat to be washed then lugged it all home wet and took all day to dry it in their dryer. Not having reliable or abundant water sucks.

[@georgem1874]

I disagree with the lack of expectations, they should have considered this before inviting people to an activity that will take several hours after an activity that people will absolutely need to shower after. If you don't have the water or want to pay for it don't invite 20 smelly muddy paint covered kids to a BBQ. Also the pool thing really has me confused. You should shower after swimming in a pool to rinse off the chlorine...how is getting in the pool a solution, and again it's still a shower activity. I think the ops heart is in the right place but they really didn't plan well, and failing to provide for very reasonable and predictable requests makes them a light YTA I think

[@kristy6703]

@@georgem1874 The OP doesnt say but if they live in the mountains and need to haul in water, I would assume the pool was an above ground pool that doesnt use cholorine or other chemicals.

[@theresastarnes8172]

I could decide if this was kids or prima Donna’s? Ungrateful! Tell them not to hold their breath for another invite!

[@Rainsoakedcoat]

@@georgem1874 in what sane world do you go out on a day-trip with someone, stop back at their house to eat, and expect to get a shower at their home? That is not a reasonable or predictable request. If they can drive from the paintball trip to his house, they can drive from his house home. Especially when OP has to lug in water. It's limited and they've already done more than enough. Jfc, the entitlement.

[@A.x3]

Last story : NTA. The ex agreed upon just getting child support and raising the kid herself. OP has been paying child support, he took responsibility in a way he could/ felt comfortable with. The kid's mom is the real AH. Why would she think that was a good idea? Why didn't she ask her ex if he was willing to talk to her kid? Stupid idea on her part and now her kid got hurt. She's an idiot.

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

They both are. He was irresponsible 15 years ago and he still is. M&F don't get to decide the ease of their fallout with their mess that involves a third person as if the third person, aka their child, has no say in it ever in the future. He can be pissed at her for breaking her end and she's TAH, but expecting that the child has to live up to M&F agreement as if he's in no way subject to any fallout or consequences for his actions to his child because "we decided long ago and you have no input" is BS and makes him TAH.

[@Rainsoakedcoat]

@@yvonnepalmquist8676 it's funny because you're arguing that regardless of what the man decided on, he should have no input. No, the mother decided to tell the kid to contact his biological father. The kid didn't know how to, didn't know the guy, had no expectation of a loving parent out in the world until his mother put that thought in his head. The 'father' (he's not the kid's father) paid /hundreds of thousands of dollars/ to raise this kid. He's more than dealt with the 'fallout'.

[@A.x3]

@@yvonnepalmquist8676 if a man told me, "I don't want this child and I will not raise it with you." I would #1. Accept that as fact. And raise the child on my own with the child support provided or #2. GET AN ABORTION/ADOPTION. I get that women have a choice to keep the baby or not. That's fine. But forcing a man to raise a child he doesn't want isn't fair either. She was irresponsible 15 years ago too. Hello? Birth control is a thing? He should have used a condom and she should be on birth control. Women also need to be proactive in their own sex life. Anyway, She knew what she was getting into. I feel bad for the kid, but the mother is still an asshole. She was the only one being shady about her intentions. And again, a simple phone call to the bio dad could have saved a poor kid a broken heart. I doubt OP would suddenly have an urge to parent a child he never wanted, but maybe the heads up could have made him think about how to approach his bio kid in a way that didn't make him feel terrible. The mom didn't give that option to OP. That women just likes making choices for the both of them, it seems like.

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

@@A.x3 I agree wholeheartedly.

[@mpmansell]

@yvonne Pamquist is correct. They are both TA and anyone saying otherwise is also an AH. Period. The parents had an agreement. Not the child. The child had no agreement with the father, and the father had no right to expect there to be one in force. He is still the child's father and the child has 100% the right to want to know his background and try to contact his father. His father was 0% right to be an asshole to him over it. Period. He could have kept his f'ing legs crossed but since he didn't, like all of us who engage in consensual sex, he lost the right to expect his offspring to not want to know him. I have to wonder just what sort of people refuse to see this, and what moral deficiencies they have in their pasts that make them so blinkered and defensive.

[@POOKIE5592]

Some of the commenters make it sound like the guy turns on the Batsignal and 3 minutes later, a water truck shows up. He said he can afford more water, but what's the availability like?

[@Norinia]

3rd story, NAH. There’s generally a good reason when people are concerned with running out of water, and he had planned for everyone to go swim to clean off the paint. Can’t blame them for wanting to get clean but they had an option, they just didn’t want to do it.

[@nofrackingzone7479]

Story One: It doesn’t work this way. If the step sister is a minor the debt for the treatment falls on the father, not the child. If he has no insurance or insufficient health insurance a payment plan can be made. We have friends where one has nearly a million in medical debt. They make payments, to be exact $5 per month. Your mileage may vary. This is more about the debt than the child’s health.

[@reinwolf534]

For story one she should tell her father that she isn't her siblings but his child

[@patriciajacobs407]

In the last story I will have to go against everyone else and say NTA, but only slightly when you first found out that she was pregnant you made it clear that you didn't want anything to do with the child beyond child support and she agreed with you, For her to tell him to call you without a heads up was an AH move because she was well aware of the fact that you didn't want anything to do with the child,

[@hannahbanks6376]

See, I agree with this. His intentions were clear, she agreed, and she ended up setting her kid up for a harsh outcome the second she ignored his wishes. She could have called to see if he changed his mind instead of having her own son have to hear the harsh reality. While I think he could have phrased it better, at least he made his intentions clear and didn't let the kid get his hopes up only for him to end up crushed.

[@ericgilbertworldimpactreal4169]

Op never said if he signed away his rights allowing the child to be adopted. The Ex had 15 years to bring a male role model in the Childs life.

[@barbarastorball2117]

Nta the fact that the ex thought it was a good idea for the Son to meet OP when op has made his intentions clear that he only planned on being a financial donor to his son's life. I get that it would be nice for op to allow the Son to be apart of his family but the thing is it would cause more confusion and it doesn't seem like the ex ever took steps to ever tell the son what really happened. Also the thing is she maybe could have been feeding him a bunch of stories about how when you gets older his dad be more involved.

[@patriciajacobs407]

I would also wonder if the mother was doing this because she is about to lose the child support when the child turns 18 and she did it to cause problems for the op

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

He and M are both TAHs. The deal between M&F is only between them. They don't get to decide for the third party, aka their child. Like many M&F not together, they both need to grow tf up. He has to make another "agreement" with the third party, and he chose to do that as TAH and an irresponsible human being.

[@kingarchreapagon4403]

On the last story anyone realized that OP said he and the ex were drunk. Everyone comment on the post said he was the jerk but it's both side. They were both drunk not just OP

[@caller145]

Yeah they both had unprotected sex. She has just as much responsiblity as him. And he does pay child support. The thing is she is responsible for her choices. She did had the opportunity to have an abortion which of corse can be traumatic but that's the risk you take while having unprotected sex. She choose to keep the child while knowing he wants nothing to do with it. He agreed to pay child support which is him taking responsiblity. He chose not to have a relationship with this kid which is well within his rights. In this case it doesn't make him an asshole because he never agreed to try to build a family and the pregnancy happened due to their poor choices. She chose to keep the child. He didn't

[@cherryrose5514]

@@caller145 completely agreed.the mother tried to both have a kid,get support on the father n then later on tried to MAKE the father have a relationship with his kid. The father made it clear that he didn't want the child.so not the ahole at all. Plus w/o.en should really stopped forcing men to be fathers when they don't want to.its good enough he too financial responsibilities at all. Plus if her intention was good,she would have called the father first to make sure her kid is not gonna be hurt n disappointed.

[@caller145]

@@cherryrose5514 Indeed. And all of these "kid growing up without a father"... what do they expect him to do? Bend his whole life over for the child? That would be great and I respect everyone who does that but it's not realistic. Women have the choice of getting abortion and men have no say in it. Yeah it's her body so that's how it should be but that also means that men have the right to not have anything to do with them emotionally. If forced he would most likely just grow bitter about the whole situation Abortion is supported by saying things like "if she's not ready she shouldn't have to" but the same is not awarded to men? He should "take responsiblity" for the mistake of both of them and the decision of the woman Not fair

[@cherryrose5514]

@@caller145 well yes it's her body and her decision. That I agreed on.where I disagree is that he made it crystal clear that she'll get only financial support. N NOW she wants her child to build a relationship? He made it clear he doesn't want any! If you have the right to choose, so should a man. I mean yes he must financially support the child cuz it's his even if he didn't choose for it to be born.but there is the limit.women should really stop using their child to bag something from a man. Mistakes happen.we get it.but THIS was blatant manipulation on her part.

[@caller145]

@@cherryrose5514 that was my point all along

[@judeeeeeeeee]

Story 3- Honestly the only time I've showered at someone house while not staying the night was when FOUR people and I spent the entire day swimming in a lake, and slinging around mud.I felt bad for using resources and I'm pretty sure all I did was rinse the dirt out of my hair, and they had normal water supply. I don''t see why anyone thinks it's ok for 20 people to take normal showers, with a limited water supply.

[@JasperCatProductions]

The first story, it is not OP responsibility to take care of her fathers kid. If he keeps pestering you go no contact and sleep soundly. I don’t understand people trying to guilt their children into having kids. Kids are a huge responsibility if you don’t want any then please don’t have them. MIL needs to stop immediately. My sons don’t want kids, and I said fantastic live life your way.

[@Marco_Onyxheart]

I find the idea of someone dying because they can't afford treatment unthinkable. The first story really reminds me just how privileged I am to have been born in a developed country. I'll never have to worry about something crazy like that.

[@ceeshnia]

People are acting like they would be able to guarantee a water truck would even be able TO get there that day. That is if they get it delivered, and don’t have to drive to a water station themselves with a large tank in a pickup, and possibly wait in line. The only time I showered at someone else’s place is if we had school the next day. What is with all these people showering at someone else’s house? And unless there were clean clothes and towels for them all, it would be a moot point. Good gods, people. Don’t talk to me about kids being dirty for a few hours, unless they have a medical condition it’s not that big of a freakin deal.

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

I LOATHE parents who try pressure their kids into reproducing. It's just extremely disgusting behavior.

[@Mscrimsondragon]

For real. Especially when you think about all those poor kids out there that arent really wanted by their parents, but are around just because the parents felt pressured into having kids.

[@anon-iraq2655]

Why Reproduction is the main imperative for all life forms, in most species more important than survival

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

@@anon-iraq2655 Well, because the parents aren't the ones who are going to be abused or neglected when someone who shouldn't have kids has to provide more than they are capable of providing either emotionally, physically or financially. It should also be said that every other species on this planet would likely be much better off if we either got much smaller in numbers or died off altogether so you're barking up the wrong tree using that whole survival imperative to argue against what I said.

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@anon-iraq2655 humanity does not need to reproduce at this time. We could go one or even two generations without reproduction and still be totally fine, and a child deserves parents who want them

[@anon-iraq2655]

@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 i don't care about other species, i care about my species mainly, humans, just saying reproduction is the main imperative for all life forms

[@whistlerwind7422]

Last story: NTA - The child's mom broke the agreement, she should have know the risks of him just popping up out of nowhere, and she should have talked to you about it first. And at 15, he's old enough to handle the blunt truth. On a lighter note, I hope you had the good sense to tell your wife (preferably before you got married) about the child you had, and the arrangement you had with the mother. As for all of the people saying YTA, they're letting there emotions get in the way of the facts. Blame mom if you're going to point a finger, but OP didn't do anything wrong.

[@macylouwho1187]

He did do something wrong. He created a baby and tried to act as though it didn’t exist. He acts like he was “gracious” enough to pay child support when in fact he probably had to regardless because of the law. He had no choice either way. And when the kid called him (dick move on mom’s part), there were so many other ways to say what he said far more gently. That’s a damn kid, one he created and then abandoned. If you have zero clue what that feels like then you have no business telling other people how to act or feel about it. You don’t have the experience under your belt to answer with any knowledge of it. A jackass is a jackass no matter how you slice it. You can act that way if you choose, just don’t think you’ll be winning any popularity contests for it. People WILL think you’re an asshole, simply because you ARE.

[@whistlerwind7422]

@@macylouwho1187: He had an agreement with the mother, she violated that agreement. Agreements like this are quite common. And remember, a woman that gets an abortion (the father doesn't get a say) has done worse than abandon the child. All of the blame belongs to the mother. When I was 15 I had to face some harsh truths, and the truth doesn't care about your feelings or how old you are. It's called reality. Just because someone has a different opinion than you doesn't mean they don't have experience. That woman set her son up for heartbreak, and he got it. Point the finger where it belongs.

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

@@whistlerwind7422 Damn straight! Preach!!

[@teacheschem]

When my MIL asked about babies I told her when her son can physically give birth is when she will have a child from us. That was the end of convo.

[@Marco_Onyxheart]

The first story makes me happy and grateful that I live in a developed country. I can't imagine someone dying because they couldn't afford treatment. That's just not a thing in countries with public healthcare. A reminder of just how privileged I am just to live in the developed world.

[@nekowerewolf9769]

"would you be able to sleep at night?" yes.

[@bgcorporation]

Story 3: NTA. I've done plenty of paint balling. You can wait until the end of the day to shower. "Oh but it's sweaty," these are kids, they can play outside. I don't know, I've played in 100s degree hot weather and 30 degree cold weather where the balls are solid and freaking hurt. Me and the guys never had the "We all need a shower at the same time" feeling.

[@magemastermlg6210]

Story 1: NTA, op doesn’t owe them anything but if op does decide to help they need a contract should be written up to ensure they get that money back

[@PriestApostate]

I'm of the belief that there should be no arrangement like that. There is nothing preventing the family from reneging - and, if that happens, there really isn't a way to recoup the loss. Not to mention: what will the father do for the next emergency? Setting a precedent will give the idea that the child is now an ATM.

[@zigowl1193]

@@PriestApostate if dad owns a house or property, that can be put up as collateral. Op is not the Ah, but if it was me, I would probably give him a loan. If he doesn't pay it back, then cut off and sue with no regrets.

[@aluralovell6829]

While this may be true I still say she's an AH because she is punishing a child essentially for being born, you can clearly see it in how she explains why she doesn't want to help this isn't a simple case of you don't owe someone or you're not obligated because family this was clearly vindictive and meant to punish the owners for something the child had no hand in or control over. This is no different than that story about the man who loudly proclaimed he wouldn't be donating to his coworker to help with his daughter's cancer treatments because he didn't like him. The issue was not that be didn't want to donate but he didn't have to say it loud for all the world to hear just not donate. In this case, I don't feel she is the AH for not donating but for admitting she's pretty much doing so out of spite and hate towards a child that has done her no wrong.

[@wmdkitty]

@@aluralovell6829 She is not "punishing the child for being born", you absolute forking CABBAGE.

[@Draggonny]

I agree. Loaning the money to the father means not gifting the inheritance but still helping their father and sister. The child might live and the father and stepmother will likely have much better lives but they don't get something for nothing. Family will no doubt still grumble but they can't accuse OP of letting someone die when they could have stepped in to help. It's a compromise solution that could work.

[@redconvoy]

Op-first story-cut him out. He should ask himself that question. It is not your responsibility and you need to spell that out to him. Tell him to get two jobs to pay for her treatment as well as her mother! They need to make that sacrifice, not you!

[@justine8387]

I grew up in the bush with very limited water. A 10 minute shower was unheard of. 3 mins MAX. With 20 kids military showers and a pool as options are totally fine alternatives.

[@zs1570]

My father did everything he could to stay in my life, but not to be a good dad, it was just to spite my mother. He let me down more times than I can count. Sometimes the worst thing is having that asshole father in your life.

[@jbgra2566]

Op from the first story should have answered: "are YOU able to sleep well knowing that you cheated and betrayed your wife and the kid you had with her?"

[@Kzinix]

Absolutely! I was looking for a comment like this one. The father and the mistress are huge AHs. I feel so sorry for OP and the child. If OP decides to help, they absolutely must make sure that OP will be paid back somehow. The kid is innocent in all this, but they are the ones who messed up, betrayed OP and her mother and put a sick child in the world. The entire situation wouldn't have happened if they had had a shred of decency.

[@earlfrancart5687]

so that absolves her from letting her innocent half sister die?,, he didnt betray the daughter who dying, the rich bitch is, and has from jump, nice to see so many are willing to punish an innocent, just because shes mad at her father.

[@jbgra2566]

@@earlfrancart5687 she's not letting her "sister" (which means nothing because the kid is basically a stranger to op) die. Yeah, it sucks for the kid but you can't force people to do things they don't want to nor are obligated to do.

[@kordorkongri3068]

Yes, I'm ashamed for the dad, his daughter's health is on him not OP, its embarrassing to need the side you betrayed & more so to asked favours from them

[@namename2040]

Story 3 NTA For the simple fact that his water isn't magic it runs out. Yeah he mentioned he can afford it but thats work. And or money. They don't need to shower at his house if they that concerned they could have went home. It also seems even if he did consider showing it would have been a massive inconvenience either way. Also I've never been to paintball before but I would be a so rude or mean to someone whose spent that much money from me out of pure kindness over a measly shower which people can do liberally in other places

[@Mimiroo]

3rd story: I work in film and we have similar arguments about water for the work trucks. When on location I’m given a finite amount of water for doing laundry (enough for 3 loads) for the entire day. We get the water truck to come fill up but it’s not always able to come out everyday and it can be extremely costly. I can see where the OP is coming from about the water situation but it was kinda bad planning on his part.

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

Not foreseeing something in your planning doesn't make you an AH though, and he did try to provide solutions. The family is TAH for not working with him and then making him the butt of jokes for years to come. Wow. No good deed goes unpunished. Ungrateful and entitled group, imo.

[@Mimiroo]

@@yvonnepalmquist8676 agreed which is why I didn’t think he was TA. It sucks to be stuck in the situation but the family has taken it too far and should have let it go as it was no harm no foul, just unforeseen planning.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Second story: If OP is on the pill, she should consider an alternative option just in case the husband or mil tampers with her birth control. ETA: After watching this video again, judging from the attitude of the mil and the spinelessness of hubby, there is a good chance that any kid would, eventually end up under the charge of the mil because, "OP didn't want it in the first place, plus she is blind and unable to care for it."

[@MistyAnime]

Can you clarify please. Are you saying she shouldn't have a baby because O.P doesn't want one or she shouldn't have one because she is blind?

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

@@MistyAnime I was saying that those are the reasons that her mil could use to get custody of the child away from her. She herself said that she didn't want kids, bit with the attitude of mil, they could sabotage her birth control and then use her disability against her. Similar has happened to the family of a friend of mine.

[@catothatidiot5243]

Mark: Skip the initial waffel if you want Me vibing with the waffle: No thank you

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Waffle Gang 🧇 vibe check

[@donniejefferson9554]

What kind of monster skips the waffle?

[@drasiella]

Story 1: My house would tremble from how hard I would slam the door in his face if my father came to me for money. NTA, but father is a massive AH. Story 2: Just no MIL, I would honestly reconsider the engagement. NTA, obviously. What an insane woman.

[@bluecarnallove7851]

Story 4: I've said it once and I'll say it again. If a woman can abort without consulting the father, a man can choose not to be a parent. Enough with the double standards. So what if this kid's heart was broken? That's on the mom. She put her son in that situation by letting/convincing him to call OP without any prior discussion. She should've called and talked to OP about it beforehand to see if there was any chance he'd change/changed his mind.

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

Precisely!

[@bettreon]

I believe the parents should have to care for the child they create. But, seeing as we don't live in a perfect world, this is one way it will level out child support and custody cases.

[@jupiter8144]

Story 3: NTA, while his planning wasn’t great he did offer alternatives. I mean, ya they weren’t great alternatives they where still alternatives. I do think a better alternative would have been 5 minute showers instead of military showers.

[@mbyerly9680]

Most the comments on the water situation are people who have never had to deal with limited water. I grew up with a well so I can totally understand the OP's position. No water means no toilet flushes, no cooking, no brushing teeth, no much of anything because almost everything requires water. That's above and beyond his expenses. And heck no on having more water delivered because these kids can't take a sponge bath or jump in the pool. If everyone showered, no one would be able to flush the toilet, and exactly how long would it take to order more water? My guess is several days. Personally, I'd reply to the whining kids and their parents that they won't have to deal with that again because their entitled rears won't be asked back.

[@JSainte17]

OP could’ve handled his sons phone call better and sat down with him, but the real AH is the mom. OP held up his end of the bargain. She said she didn’t want him around anyway. Maybe she lost the guy she did want around and figured fuck OP’s life. How could she do that to her kid knowing he didn’t want to be there???? OP is also an AH for never telling his wife!!! Especially when it should’ve been done way before they married.

[@torahammas6722]

OP said he didn't want to introduce the kid to his wife, not that she didn't know anything about said kid. He is paying child support, so it is likely the wife knows.

[@bettreon]

@@torahammas6722 that can easily be taken out of his checks without her knowing though.

[@aquadraws5833]

story 3: NTA I don't think most people understand what it's like to have a limited water supply. My grandma's house isn't connected to a water source and has it's own tank that you have to manually fill. When I was little I would Help my grandma to fill the tank every week. I still remember how sore my arms would be after carrying all those gallons. It was also pretty expensive to get the gallons delivered and it would take several hours to fill the tank. I don't blame OP for wanting to conserve water. It was poor planning on their part but swimming in the pool to freshen up is a good compromise since most of these kids weren't staying over.

[@sierralovat5498]

Hey people, here's a Bible text to clap back with when people use the Bible as justification for insisting on having kids. Luke 23:29 "Happy are the barren women, the wombs that did not give birth and the breats that did not nurse!" -Jesus Christ

[@BronzeDragon133]

"I love children but I can't eat an entire one at a single sitting." --The Book of Dragon

[@stephanieraebel8160]

Story 3. I lived in the woods for many years. NO PUBLIC WATER AT ALL! All water came from a pipe upstream and gravity did the rest. Showers are ok until water lowers.... then water level goes down and no Showers. I lived that way for 10 years!!! Wood stove and all. Propane dryer ( a luxury ) and propane that would be delivered. Then there is winter....another story entirely!!! Kids should have hit the pool. Someone needs to talk to the boys about mountain living before they come back.

[@MsTemptation]

Story 1: NTA. Your dad is the ah. He made his bed so let him figure out how to solve the situation without involving you and your inheritance. What is the mother of the child doing to help besides waiting for the dad to come up with the money. She should be asking her family members instead of assuming that you being tied by the blood of your father to her kid will workout in their behalf. Your dad sounds like he has always been selfish. So don't let him guilt trip you into anything. Plus am I the only who noticed that this story is a year old. Are there any recent updates?

[@michelerenner8869]

The OP in the first Story could say something like "Well dad., seems like I got my twisted sense of morals from you"

[@hmspretender]

Story 3: Gentle YTA. It was poor planning because he was extending the habits he and his family had onto the extended family as though everyone was in the same boat as him. A gentle ESH because when military showers was suggested him and the other adults should have accepted and agreed to make sure their children obliged. He should not have to sit there with a watch and time them, that's the job of their respective parents. And it is easy to explain the concept of they have never heard of "military showers" before. The adult relatives are still in the ESH basket because they can't or refuse to understand the role they played in the situation, as well as the fact that they keep bringing it up. I mean wtf do they expect him to do to fix a situation that has long since since past? Nothing? So why bring it up? He definitely needs to speak up and tell them that their "jokes" are not funny and they need to drop it already.

[@amysmith6791]

Story 3- the main issue would not be the water. It is time. I am hooked up to water mains and have done paintball. It takes more than 10 minutes to get all that paint and sweat off. I have never showed at a hosts house. The teenagers would have gotten bored or impatient and wanted to go home anyway. NTA

[@JayeEllis]

Story 3: NTA - You provided a means to freshen up, i.e. the pool. The kids chose not to use it. End of. Also, does anyone want to ask me why I carry NASTY Body Wipes in my purse? Yes, I also have soap and TP in there.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - Wow! Your Dad is sure projecting his own guilt onto you! Time to go no contact, at least for a while.

[@sweetheart_cosplays]

“Take a swim in the pool to freshen up” ...is the pool not chlorinated?

[@dragonflyfirefly9465]

Actually most tap water has chlorine in it. It helps with small bugs and other unwanted things in water.

[@magiv4205]

@@dragonflyfirefly9465 Well yeah but not NEARLY to the extent of pool water. They are not comparable.

[@irenetorkel2186]

Having grown up in a house where we had no indoor plumbing until I was 9. My Dad had to haul water into a 2500 gallon tank. I had to learn to shower in 5 minutes and I had fairly long hair all my life. My Dad would have to haul water on a tank on the back of Dad’s truck. It’s easy for people who have never had to conserve water or have it accessible to not realize how bad this was. He might have planned better though short of having something set up it’s difficult. Having someone haul it is expensive.

[@shuinoh]

I’ve never showered at a family’s house when going to swim?? We had towels and lining on the seats in the car for the trip home. This sounds so strange to me😕😕

[@Misssydney]

What kind of birthday party are you obligated to shower all the participants?

[@selinakyle_]

The first OP is not the AH. The first OP has no relationship with that kid. That kid is a stranger to them. And they don't want to know that kid! So, again, *NO* the OP is not the AH. It's the father and his mistress, who are the AH's and they need to take out loans, if they are that desperate. Sorry not sorry. Also no the child doesn't deserve to suffer! But *AGAIN* OP is not obligated to help that child...

[@richardweighill8556]

Is the money they’re asking for going to PERMANENTLY fix the step sister? If the operation MIGHT buy her time but isn’t a permanent fix then no. If it is a fix, write up a contract for repayment.

[@gina928]

Much love to you, Mark! Hope you are having a wonderful holiday season. And Happy New Year!

[@delilahbelle2125]

Shower Story: I've never in my life heard of the expectation that 15+ people (children) will be able to shower at one person's house after a messy outing. Swimming or playing in the hose maybe, but 20 showers all in one afternoon? Even an average suburban house wouldn't have enough hot water to accommodate that. NTA.

[@OmniscientlyMe]

Story 4: This is a situation where honesty is like ripping off a bandaid. Sure it stings, but it's better than the alternative. Better than getting the kid's hopes up with "at least meeting him", just to let him down. To me, it sounds like the mother didn't want to take on the task of being honest with the kid to begin with.

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 1: I am kind but petty person, This would be a lone. Not a gift. If Dad is only seeing me like a Bank ATM I'll act like a Bank and want my cash back since it's not his. I would have Dad and the Other Woman sit with and as a sign of good faith have them pay for the Lawyer's time to draft a contract of repayment. That regardless of outcome (ie the half sister dying) They have X years to pay back the total cost of treatment after which time interests is added to the amount.

[@joimumu]

That would be fair but OP father wanted OP to gifted it to op sister

[@ShatoraDragondore]

@@joimumu Then the father can take his guilt trip and choke on it.

[@joimumu]

@@ShatoraDragondore Agree

[@kither04]

For the water story I would say NTA. I live rurally on a well and septic. We had a large BBQ on our land and got port o potties. I put on the invitation my house was out of bounds unless an emergency. Bathrooms would be portable. Which my other neighbors do as well for their graduation parties. Our well and septic could not handle 70 people in one day. Now our elderly guests were allowed inside to use it. Nobody had a problem and they all understood. I think maybe bringing this up before inviting everyone over would be better next time. They can change into different clothes and bag the dirty ones.

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing, and be sure the OP is completely aware of your offered options now. This was an oversite on the OPs part, for sure, which is why people are calling him TAH. How sad, a bunch of grown-ass adults not working with the OP's oversite and his offered solutions. Then apparently berating him about it continuously as the years progress, and encouraging their kids to do so as well. What a bunch of ungrateful entitled babies, after they were treated to a day outing and a meal. Ruling: OP NTAH. Family big-time AHs. No good deed goes unpunished as the saying goes.

[@whistlerwind7422]

Shower: You either have to better prepare, or let them know in advance.

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

Yeah 20/20 hindsight now. He just didn't foresee it. That doesn't make him TAH. That makes it unfortunate and what happens in life. He provided solutions best he could for the amount of water, number of people and time allotted. He just had an ungrateful, entitled group that still berates him years after the fact. It is the family that are TAHs.

[@whistlerwind7422]

@@yvonnepalmquist8676: Agree

[@alicewilloughby4318]

1:36 - OP was 25 and her mother grudgingly "allowed" her to have a relationship with her father?

[@comradecommissar8223]

I wake up to a story by Mark. And i get another to listen to while recording for my YT? Thank you Mark!!!

[@TheYeastofMyConcerns]

Omg, my sister-in-law. We’ve told them countless times under no uncertain terms that we do not want kids. Literally (actually literally, not hyperbolic literally) every time we visit or they’re around when we visit other relatives we get the “It’s your turn to have kids” “When are you guys having kids” “Maybe we’ll see some babies soon (while looking at and thumbs up-ing us). I get increasingly angry every time it re-gets brought up and they get increasingly insistent with every no. One holiday she went as far as saying “But I want nieces and nephews!” which we responded “You already have some and you have other siblings who do want kids” and her comeback was “But I want them from you guys!” The conversation got heated and after telling her for the 1000th time that I didn’t want to be a parent she said “It’s okay! You just need to have a baby, but we’ll adopt it and raise it then.” Like.... what the actual fuck? She already had 3 kids and got her tubes tied to prevent more, so it wasn’t that she wanted a baby, just that I /had/ to procreate apparently. I was livid.

[@threeducks157]

My father is not the best, unlike me he lost all his money because of his bad decisions, after he divorce mom and remarried he asked me for money for his kids I flat out said no and he dropped it, how ever his new wife will not and guilt trips me saying I'm denying siblings their future.

[@voxkine9385]

“Do I have “baby farm”tattooed on my forehead?!” *REVERSE UNO!*

[@annac777]

About OP with the water situation. Yes, he didn't plan that part well, but the suggestion that the son made about military showers was a great compromise, everyone gets to shower and save water. How did their parents never taught them that it's important to save both energy and water??

[@sebastianjoseph9628]

22 minutes! I just wanted to say I love your videos and these days are infinitely better now with you!

[@RoyalRoses]

The shower one I agree with the last commenter. NTA. He offered compromises, including military showers, which get you just as clean as normal showers, and they said no. Beggers cant be choosers. If they refused the military showers then they clearly weren't THAT uncomfortable. The pool suggestion wasnt a great idea but an option. I just cant get over that if they were truly desperate to be clean, why would they refuse the military showers? OP is definitely NTA.

[@reptiles3244]

You've clearly never had a military shower

[@reptiles3244]

Military showers fucking suck and don't actually leave you that clean they give you time to scrub your face balls and ass and that's about it

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

@@reptiles3244 I've taken military showers and I'd much rather THAT over stewing in filth. The kids are brats, as are their entitled parents. Military shower, pool, or shut up

[@reptiles3244]

@@TheZombifiedFairy and no the shower your family made you take that was shorter than 20 minutes isn't a military shower a military shower is a 5 minute shower including the time it takes for the water to heat up so about 4 1/2 minutes of getting the key areas cleaned and once that 4 1/2 minutes is up you're done

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

@@reptiles3244 lmfao, bold assumptions coming from you. You don't know me or my life. I've taken military showers, and I know exactly how they are because my family has military men for generations (including my father, uncles, and all 3 of my grandfathers, step included). My family has lived in some seedy situations that required this sort of thing and more. You learn to be efficient and get in and out. I'd MUCH rather this than sitting in what I have deemed filth.

[@sablemoreno5095]

Story 4 I think id have to say NTA. (If he never tells the rest of his current family then yeah its a YTA; especially should something happen to him and then they're blindsided by his son trying to get in on his will. Even if he doesnt want a relationship, the kids should have the option to have one with their sibling) I think its better to be blunt and not lead the kid on about having a relationship; maybe a softer approach could have been better, but he was blindsided and spoke in the moment. Its easy when we are on the outside and have more time to think about our responses. I do think though that he should meet and explain the whole situation and answer questions. That is the decent thing to do to give the kid some kind of closure on that situation as opposed to all these mysteries he has at the moment, and whatever the mom might have told him. Also should explain that part of 'she wanted a kid but not with him' he mentions in the post. Make it clear that it was her decision she didn't want to be with him and that he made it clear he didn't want to be a father figure but make sure to contribute so she wasn't left stranded. If OP didn't want to be a father, forcing him into that role at the time wouldn't have been good for anyone. I do think though that OP need to talk to a therapist or someone who really knows him about why he's fine with his 'real' family but doesn't want to have a relationship with his first kid. Find out if its really as simple as not wanting to be reminded of a previous mistake, or if it's something deeper he doesnt want to talk about. If he can figure that out, perhaps (depending on what it is) he could be in his kids life, even if it isn't so much a parent role but more something like a mentor or friend/acquaintance if he still doesn't want to be a father. The mom is definitely the ah since she knew he didn't want to have a relationship, didn't reach out to see if he changed his mind, or even give a heads up. Even moreso for giving the idea to her son who (for all we know) didn't feel the need to or even thought to try and contact his father. (I suspect she also neglected to mention the part that he didn't want a relationship and only paid child support before giving her son OP's phone number). In short, NTA, but YTA if he doesnt tell his family about his other kid. The mom is definitely an AH, his son NTA

[@samakiraroyjanssen6326]

we can make the presumption his family KNOWS, but he doesnt want them to MEET the kid. he pays child support, which his wife would almost certainly know about.

[@KompassOhneNadel]

Story 4 makes me furious. The mother could check with the father first. Telling him his son was curious about him and if it would be ok to let the son call. It was the mother who tried to trap the father into spending time with her son out of pity. She was setting her son up for tragidy and now is looking for someone to blame even if she should blame herself and tell her son she is sorry for not making way first.

[@wintertimber1749]

"I'm 25 and I'm blind" *Hol up*

[@daydream6397]

I've heard this story like 3 times and that is my EXACT reaction! ... and then I remember text-to-speech 😂

[@maryvon8518]

Story 3- Ever notice how much Reddit loves spending other peoples money? Op had paid for paintball and dinner and lodging for his guests and they still wanted more? NTA and next time anyone brings it up he should start telling them about a trip to Disney World he's planning for them; plane tickets, hotel, food, park tickets... then tell them "oh but I guess I'll exspected to be get souveniers for everyone too? Nevermind better cancel the whole thing."

[@muyoko8330]

For the shower story the kids could have grab buckets of pool water and just clean that way tbh

[@citrinedragon1466]

With the shower story: don't paintball parks have public showers? Even if you don't enjoy the amenities, a quick wash off at the park would have solved the issue before it WAS an issue. That many kids using a home shower would take not just the water, which is something OP mentioned as being doable, but also a lot of time. So... either rig up a set of outside showers (I imagine since there was a mention of swimming to freshen up that the weather was "permitting")... or get the boys to use the park facilities, or go without until they get home.

[@zachanikwano]

Story 1: 4:23 Yes on the contract. Help the girl but make sure the father and mistress legally owe you for the help. Also maybe throw in a cps check up every so often (random? At op's request? If this is even possible) to make sure they don't take it out on her if they grow resentful of said help.

[@ArmyOfFreaks]

Omfg😂😂😂when she asked about the baby farm tattoo and she actually fucking said yes😭😂 nooo fucking way!! I choked on air😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭

[@kimsmith1746]

Uncle John and the showers...If the in-laws had picked the kids up from the paintball place, they would be stinky then. OP expected the kids to swim.

[@maryvon8518]

That's what he should have done, have the parents drop off and pick up their kids from paintball, but instead he wanted to go the extra mile and feed them and let them hang out and swim. And somehow he's the villain in this story? I guess he learned a valuable lesson about his family and how they treat hosts.

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

@@maryvon8518 I couldn’t agree more. Well said.

[@S7-Envy]

You don't lay that on your child. If Op wants to help then that's their choice Edit it costs a lot to get an emergency fill up

[@sophiaann8918]

Story 3: yeah I'm a soft nta on this one, my brother lives in an area where the only way to get water is by water truck or hauling it yourself. The part where I'm close on them being an a hole is the planning part, I don't even play paintball but I'd figure it was messy and sweaty so yeah kids are gunna whine if you bring them back and they can't clean off properly(also not sure but if they've got paint on them and went into the pool could the chlorine react badly to the paint? Idk normally I'd say just jump in the pool but that'd be my only worry tbh).

[@TNTMAN360]

When I went for paintball it took me 10 minutes to scrub all the mud out of my hair

[@AccusingSteak]

I dont think I've ever heard Mark pissed until that first story.

[@Kattlarv]

Tbh: If I was OP, I might be willing to LEND them the money. Signing a contract with collateral and all. That way it's not a free pass. But you are also "offering to help" by not taking out a massive interest.

[@DeathTheKidIsYummy]

I think the people in the paintball story don't quite realise how hard it is to get more water, it can take days to get a refill, and it's super expensive, what are you meant to not have any water for up to a week? And unless they only take 2 minute showers they'd be on there for hours.

[@DCwolf138]

Im sort of in that position atm, only me and my partner want kids but due to health issues its really hard for me to concieve a child. People know this but they still keep pressuring me as if i have a choice. Honestly its heartbreaking.

[@digit5465]

Story 3: this is gotta be the best case of redditors jumping to conclusions without actually thinking of the extra information, its a gentle YTA

[@americantoadsarecool]

Paint ball one: I wouldn’t want all the mess of mud and paint in my shower drain. Assuming it is warm enough to swim just give them some dish soap and hose them all down in the back yard. That’s what we did as a kid. Think of it as a pre-shower. It’s fun if you aren’t a brat. I feel like the kids were making a big deal out of nothing. The military shower was a perfectly reasonable suggestion.

[@paigecook4750]

Story 3: idk thai is weird, i’ve never met a kid who was that concerned about hygiene, i don’t get why they count just wiat till they got home

[@persephoneszeliga]

Story 3:NTA They could have jumped in the pool if they felt bad enough. Otherwise, shut up. I couldn’t have 20 people showering at my house…I’d run out of hot water!

[@FleshRebellion]

Story 1: It's one of those cases where only the OP can say what course of action is right. While the father's guilt trip is assholey, but actually it's a question that the OP should answer for herself (leaving aside the guilt tripping). Whichever decision she honestly makes with a clear conscience is the right one here - not for her mother or father's sake but for herself. Story 3: Mark your comment is so spot on - OP should have planned better, but having been through a drought myself, you realise how our current sense of etiquette is built on a world of abundant and easy supply of water, which is soon going to change for many major cities around the world. It's not only that he would need to spend money on water, but that everyone should think a bit more about water usage and not take it for granted. The kids shouldn't have frowned on having a swim.

[@standinthegsp6858]

If you’re in the US, many hospitals have a fund people can apply for that will partially pay for hospital expenses, in some cases all of it. The condition she’s been diagnosed with may have an organization that could have resources too. Why not start a gofundme page for them.

[@UncleMikeDrop]

Being Blunt with the kid about not wanting to have a relationship with him may seem cruel in the short term, but it would be more cruel to give him false hope with a less direct answer. Sure it's not nice, but the mom violated the agreement and gave her son false hope.

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

Love how everyone brings up the "agreement" as if this somehow relieves someone of the consequences of their mistakes and therefore they are not AHs for their actions. Both M&F are TAHs and the "agreement" does not relieve OP of all consequences of his actions... he doesn't just have consequences "agreed upon" with the second party... there's a third party involved that is not required to live up to any "agreement." OP is definitely TAH of his story.

[@UncleMikeDrop]

@@yvonnepalmquist8676 You have no argument eze he paid child support so he did take responsibility. It is what it is.

[@MediaWebCrawler]

Here's the thing that bothers me about the paintball story.. The entire issue is allegedly about this guy being worried about water conservation, yeah? I don't really know how else I can describe this, but the cartoon imagery that played in my head was a man standing poolside in front of 15 comically filthy kids. He tells them, "I'm sorry, for me and my family water is a precious resource of limited supply. We simple can't spare it for showers". The shot zooms in on the kids who look perplexidly at the man, to the pool filled with water and then back to him who's now bottling the tears of an especially dirty kid. "Oh, yeah, y'all can hop in there to freshen up if ya like" he grunts, capping the tear bottle, "I'll just filter through all the paint and dirt and probably have to refill and treat it when ya leave"

[@BillAnon]

For story #1, this is all about money. Does the child really NEED the money or are they pulling at your heartstrings because they WANT the money. Since it must suck to be related to someone who has so much while the father has so little, I suspect the latter.

[@Lokian_Mermaid]

That's what I was thinking too. Something just doesn't feel right. Since the father is a huge AH, even before asking for the money, I think it very possible he's exaggerating the girl's illness or outright lying about it just to get that money.

[@fcold9402]

Showers. This was only one day and they can was their hands and face? NTA. Edit: you could have turned off the hot water heater and then let them shower :).

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

It wasn't a hot water issue. It was a water issue.

[@fcold9402]

@@yvonnepalmquist8676 I know. But if you want someone to skip a shower or take a short shower, just turn off the hot water heater. I knew someone that didn't shower for a week because their hot water heater was broken.

[@magdalenaos8215]

Everyone says that she is not the asshole for refusing to save his father's child, but earlier she said she has forgiven her father, so what it is about this vindictiveness? I don't think I could keep in touch with my child that refused to use some of their money to save my other child. It would hurt too much.

[@xyfuras]

As a person that has to buy shipments of water, those kid should have freshened up in the pool. Where I live it can take a week to get a delivery if it isn't an emergency. I only take a full shower, clean my clothes once a week. If they can rough & tumble all day they can go for a swim.

[@forestspell]

NTA on the paintball thing. Why is his house the expected shower spot? Most paintball places I've been to don't have showers... You go home and shower... And his home wasn't using well or public water. Why should be be expected to waste his water and money, just to save a bit of inconvenience so parents don't stink up their cars? I *HIGHLY* doubt any of those parents would have let *20* kids shower in their house after an outing, public water or not. (and not only was the cost of water and effort to refill involved, but also the electricity to heat water for 20 showers.)

[@jennywhite2462]

I have children and I certainly wouldn't expect them to hand over money to us because we guilt tripped them even for a sibling. You're children are your responsibility. I say this as a parent of a child with a chronic illness. That parting line was cruel. Maybe he should of thought if my ex wife was alive would I ask her? It is after all the money she left her child.