I still don’t accept myself as transgender (CW: transphobic thoughts)

Hello! Warning, this video contains some really negative thoughts regarding trans people. This is just how I feel about myself, not at all a general take on transgender people. I just struggle personally.
I wasn’t sure whether to upload this or not but some people said they wanted to hear what I have to say so here goes. I wish you all a wonderful week ahead. I’m sending love to whomever needs it.

[@hazking7505]

giving everyone that feels this way a hug.

[@leef9242]

Haz King thanks you for the hug

[@Keitaalise2746]

Haz King thanks

[@evan4102]

Thx u

[@lumi40406]

Thank you very much

[@lismorejbbjbb546]

As soon as I saw the title I just thought "holy shit that's a mood" so it's nice to know I'm not alone!!

[@Anthony-gy9qr]

Tbh same

[@nathanchaotic1602]

Same

[@kyoza5069]

mE tOo

[@mathbunnn]

Fuck, same

[@jamesbell3255]

same

[@Arthur-yf9yv]

Just gonna have a quick rant. They keep telling me I am: • My brother's sister. • My mother's daughter. • 'Crossdressing' at prom in a few weeks' time. • A victim of the patriarchy. • Delusional. • A confused child. • A transtrender. • A tomboy. • LGBT because I think it's cool. • Developing into a young woman. I'm the only one who can see I'm a boy. _Must be fake, then._ I feel like I've been saddled with a lower grade existence because my body is wrong. The imagined image of myself as a baby keeps coming back to me. I get so confused: How can a child with female chromosomes and genitalia be in any way male? I don't understand how transgender people could possibly be a thing. I hate myself for it. I feel like I can't exist because scientists haven't explained my existence yet. I came across a quote which almost made me cry: 'I don't want to have to pass. I want to be alive.' ~Laura from American Gods (Neil Gaiman.)

[@scourge5410]

i felt it so much

[@Sage-qd6tf]

You know what you say to those people? You say: FUCK YOU! And if it's your family or family friends, you can think it really loudly!

[@PumpkinEyes-fn2ht]

Exactly how I feel

[@britt29ish]

I totally feel you, and feel FOR you and your situation but if anyone wanted to know science can actually prove trans existence. Most brains associate with their chromosomes and their pronouns and their body parts but trans people’s (since birth but it strengthens and intensified as you get older and begin to think about your body more) brains just don’t associate with it, creating gender dysphoria, gender euphoria and so on. It’s that simple but it’s really unfortunate. I would recommend just over time remembering to think positive thoughts and reassure yourself (in any way you prefer) that this is normal, it’s a part of you but not all you will be, and what you can do to better cope with how you are until you can learn to transition in any means you like.

[@rr-ui5my]

I'm a straight-cisgender so I'm not part of the community or ever going to understand what you are going through but I know that in those case the only thing that you can do is just care about the friends or people that really love you as you are and accept you because someone who makes you feel bad on purpose does not deserve your attention or your tears.

[@orangesubstance4yt886]

Me too. I still really don’t accept myself. And I question myself over and over everyday. Your not alone

[@madisondeutscher3289]

Same

[@blueangel7504]

I think besides the fact that I like makeup and “girl” things it’s pretty obvious that I am transgender. I have gender dysphoria. I’m not comfortable as a girl. I still question myself constantly and I can’t accept the fact that I’m trans. It’s a hard thing. We got this

[@astelevey]

@@blueangel7504 lol mood - same with my sexuality

[@nono-ji1ut]

im feeling better knowing that im not alone

[@fredlee9362]

Wow so many people feel this way, good to know.

[@barnabee8516]

Man! I don't know if you 're gonna read this but if you do know that you're not the only one feeling like that. I feel exactly the same way. I am not proud of being trans and i'm not feeling really comfortable with the fact that i belong to the lgbtq+ community (even if i have nothing against that! I admire people that are totally accepting it and making their voices Heard). I am waiting for starting T, but i know that feeling won't go after my transition. The only thing that i'll be proud about is the guy "i will become". If i wasn't trans, i 'll never be the Man i am. This is what i am proud about: not proud of being trans but proud of being myself and have been courageous enough to live as i want. I feel exactly the same way, and you have to know that you don't need to especially be categorized. I am trans but thats just a really small part of me. I am not proud of that but it's just a fact. I accept it and trying to take the best from it. (Even though i dont really see the great side of being trans right now). Anyway, hope you'll be alright! Sorry my english may be not perfect. ;)

[@Kovukingsrod]

Math Barn your English is perfectly understandable, don’t worry about it! And thank you so much for sharing that, I wish you only the best

[@shalacarter6658]

You are already a guy! Do things that will make you happy to be yourself.

[@pcm.5409]

This is worded so good it's exactly what I think

[@minsoft9510]

we are in the same mood

[@nxahx3]

Kovu, I've never met a person who's 17 years old and so grown up. That's so amazing and I'm so proud of you. I'm also a transman, so I know how you feel, but not exactly,- I'm pre T. But your vids make me so strong and I love it. I'm on your side. Please be sure you are save.

[@Kovukingsrod]

Das Fuhn thank you so much for your kind words. I truly do appreciate that so much. I’m on your side as well, please stay strong!

[@theprettyaverage9899]

I’m still really struggling to accept myself too

[@miso4475]

The Pretty Average me too

[@Penguin_Animates]

Kovu, what matters is that you accept yourself. You don't need to live under a label when, you could be saying, "I am me, and that's what matters" but I do understand the struggle. Just know we all support you, and love you.

[@philswift2435]

This comment is mood

[@maxj3270]

Telling people to be proud of themselves when ur not isn't bad. Like if ur addicted to drugs u can still tell people not to do drugs. I also relate to the whole "falling in the middle" thing.

[@AJ-ht3kf]

Love this comment! Thank you for your words!

[@andr0idb0y]

i hate being trans i dont wanna have to go through all this mess to be happy. i wish i was born cis

[@shalacarter6658]

You don't have to change to be happy. You are much more than the sum of your parts.

[@cadenzaimperfetta7069]

Please go on, trust in yourself, you'll be fine...

[@machin-chose2547]

I'm sorry to hear that we have the literally same negative thoughts

[@beavertailspoutine7766]

Bro I could relate. It feels awful and I can’t say anything to anyone. I’m scared to do anything that would make people notice that I want to change. I hope you could end up happier than I could.

[@joann6567]

Kovu, we will always accept you for who you are. I love your videos, keep up the good work.

[@cervenacek5118]

i'm amazed how accurately you described the exact feelings that i'm struggling with. tbh i'm very glad i'm not alone in this. i feel like trans folks are careful about sharing these feelings and tend to focus on positivity (and that's good too!) so when someone experiences this they can feel very alone. i'm so glad you shared these thoughts with us. you helped at least one person :))

[@jrizzle942]

I’ve felt this way for a long time. I’ve always had internalized transphobia about myself and it kills me everyday.

[@shalacarter6658]

Stop it! Just stop being so mean to yourself! Sit down and think of things that you do like about yourself. If there are not enough things; then make them! Volunteer! Get your mind to where it is not just obsessing on being trans.

[@algriffin7630]

@@shalacarter6658 that's not how it works. you don't just snap about out dysphoric thoughts

[@jupamoers]

My dear Kovu, I don't see you as trans, I see you as what you are: a very handsome, strong man :)

[@kaicox2732]

Are you me?? Seriously, this video helped me so much. I have these feelings and thoughts about myself too and it’s difficult to feel like I am who I am when everyone else appears to be so sure of themselves. Imposer syndrome is really sucky and I know it’s all in my head but it doesn’t change that I still feel that way. It is a comfort to know that someone else is going through a similar situation. Thanks

[@Kovukingsrod]

Kay Cox thank you in return for leaving that comment. It helps me too

[@lialialia96]

I ftm trans too and I don't accept myself as trans too. Also I'm even not sure that I want to start T. I afraid how people will treat me, how much my body has changed, sometimes I think that I'm not ready for body hair, for a bread etc. I still look like a 14-15 teen boy, I know maybe it's abnormally or strange but I still not ready for T. When I go outside strangers come to me like a boy but at this time I feel uncomfortable because it makes me feel as some fake idk like I play some game just like "I'm girl but let them think I'm a boy". I know this is not the game, because I really trans guy and I want to feel a boy everytime, and when strangers say "hey man" it shouldn't make me feel like I'm fake, because I don't want to be a fake. I want to be myself. But who am I really? I know maybe it's all stupid and abnormally idk I just want to say that I love u and you really inspire me, I found you on Instagram in the summer of 2017 and I don't stop watching and follow you. Thank you so much.

[@bentley6469]

I’m so glad you talked about this no one in the trans community ever talks about this but so many people feel this (well I know I do) and I guess it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one. Like I feel horrible for having transphobic thoughts but it’s just how I feel about myself

[@machin-chose2547]

this is literally me.. I relate to every single thing you said... the fact that I'm trans and will never be cis no matter what hurts me so much...I can't stand it, I just can't... if I was able to I would cry... I couldn't relate to someone any harder..... you are not alone Kovu, we're all here. We will be okay. Just not today and probably not tomorrow, but we will.

[@garyhaines8296]

Hey Kovu, I’m a gay guy and I would love to give you all the hugs you could need. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You have been an inspiration for so many people it’s staggering. It took me thirty years to accept myself and in time I feel you will find it in yourself to love yourself as so many of us watching you do. Never feel you are alone - we all have each other’s backs and I wish you all my love in this tough point in your life. Hugs and kisses 😘 always.

[@leephy]

I'm not the only one that feels this way, okay. Everything in this video is so mood. Yeah I thought I accepted myself as trans, but I realize that I haven't. I'm different, I wasn't born a male and that sort of bothers me. I didn't want to be trans, but I didn't want to be a girl. I do feel like I'm stuck somewhere in the middle like you, Kovu. My mother and sister don't really acknowledge the fact that I am trans. They don't really try to call me by the right pronouns. It's like some part of me is always listening for that. They always say that "You'll change your mind." or "You're not a 'real' trans because you just made up your mind." It doesn't help me, still trying to transition, that they don't support me and feel that I can't make my own decisions. I have no one i can really talk to about this so I'm sorry for venting. I hope you feel better, Kovu and anyone else who feels this way, etc.

[@shalacarter6658]

It's hard for parents! Politely tell your Mom and sister that they are hurting your feelings. After that, you have done what you can do

[@echannel6162]

Immediately i just wanna say, you are such a lovely human being. Even though I’m miles away, I am sending hugs and musical puppies of support. You’re feelings are completely valid and you shouldn’t have to feel a certain way just because of who you are 🏳️‍🌈

[@Art-st1yi]

I think I might be trans but I don’t want to jump to conclusions

[@momohamed7071]

Oooo Ftm or Mtf?

[@annaaustin6000]

QWERTY Art if you have Reddit or Instagram or something like that I could try to talk you through it if you would like. I definitely struggled and still sometimes struggle on occasions with my identity, but I’m happy to help.

[@mats-marius]

EXPLORE!! TRY NEW THINGS!!!! IT’S OK!!! You don’t have to be sure at first! You actually never have to be sure! I think the most important part is figuring out what pronouns you’re comfortable with. But as I said, it’s ok. Take your time.

[@classicalmusiclover-t8s]

Holy shit same

[@tododeku4lifeandtravisisha479]

I think im bi so we in this together

[@kaiwisor8623]

To everyone who doesn't feel excepted as their identity: YOU IDENTITY IS VALID! YOU ARE VALID! Maybe the way you express yourself is different from how others express themselves and that's okay. Do you want to know why? Because you are unique, and beautiful, and valid, and loved, and needed, and so much more! It will get better, hang in there kiddos!!! Edit: I don't mean to discourage anyone or make them believe that what they're thinking is invalid. I just want to give positive words out there. *it gets better kiddos*

[@Ross-cecil]

I can't explain how much I feel this. Most of my friends are guys and they're great, but I just feel like I'm less than them and it sucks. Recently I went on a trip and we stayed in a hotel room with 4 other guys. They were all walking around without shirts on and ot was fine, but I was still wearing my jacket because I needed the 2nd layer. I felt less than all of them and it sucked. Also, all of them are in relationships and I'm not. The biggest difference between us is trans. I know that this isn't much help, but it's solitary from another guy that has socially and medically transitioned.

[@facelessdrone]

Hey mate, tell us anything. We dont mind. If it helps you we will be glad to help. Personally, I love it when people rant their feelings to me. It makes me feel like I'm worth something and that, maybe I might actually be helpful for once.

[@lukecipher9219]

Wow 54 seconds ago I have never clicked on a video so quick. Edit: Thank you for making this video Kovu❤ We're always be here for you. Second edit: Kovu I completely understand.

[@rosieschiavone7745]

anyone else just desperately want to give this guy a hug throughout this entire video or was that just me?

[@greyphoenix6921]

I feel the same, you are not alone, I'm gender-fluid and sometimes I feel like maybe I'm just messed up Edit: I give you a ghost hug, you can't feel it, but it's there 👻❤️

[@mats-marius]

Literally said Yikes out loud when I saw the title. I haven’t watched the whole video but I hope you’re ok.

[@MooooonDemon]

you're obnoxious

[@avocadosatlaw9406]

MooooonDemon, you’re rude

[@mats-marius]

MooooonDemon thanks you too

[@ver._.1249]

Lmao this just shows that KZbin is toxic as hell and no one can have their own opinion ;-;

[@mats-marius]

Ver ._. How does it show that?

[@jgardner6697]

Aww we’re here for you always. ❤️

[@heyhowareyou7777]

I agree so much with being ''marked'' too , i FEEL the pain!!!! I just want to be a cismale but i know this is my life and who i am..

[@kayleemelcher8866]

Kovu, I’d just like you to know that if I didn’t already know that you were transgender, I would have never guessed that you were not born male! You “pass” very well and you are a very attractive guy in my opinion - not just in looks (although of course you’re very handsome in that way too) but I really like your personality and how kind you are. Love and respect yourself, because you are a good person.

[@savvydel3782]

We understand and we love to hear your opinion!!❤️

[@katmaccoll2761]

Oh Kovu. *literal biggest virtual hug ever* You can always come here to KZbin to talk about how you feel, because we all care so much about you. So much love - Kat

[@Kovukingsrod]

Thank you so much Kat. You have no idea how much I appreciate it❤️

[@romeodwidjono9273]

You spoke about guilt towards your family, and this is just a suggestion but: Would it be an option to sit down with your parents or siblings, and just start up that conversation? It can be very, very challenging but asking your parent's most honest opinion or reaction to your identity might help you come to terms with the guilt you feel. It's quite an obvious thing to do, but at the same time it's one of the hardest things so maybe it'll help you. Maybe it's also time to take a little step back from social media? You seem to compare yourself a lot to the proud influencers on the web, but when that impacts you negatively it'll only bring discomfort. Maybe just stepping back, taking a break from your phone and your computer and sitting down will help. It's not a bad thing to let your thoughts flow, negative or positive. If you look deep into your mind, focus on every part of your body individually, and find something which you don't like or which obstructs you, or worries you, try to see where it comes from. It's a tip from my mother, and it really helped me in my struggle with sexuality. Please, if you haven't tried already, give it a go and see what you discover. We love you, the world loves you.

[@Kovukingsrod]

Romeo Dwidjono you are such a kind human. Thank you so much for your suggestions. I will definitely consider them, despite how difficult it may be. I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you again.

[@DrKristinaRizzotto]

I can relate 100% to what you said at 12:00. I’ve been on HRT for 6 ½ years this week. It doesn’t help that my entire family still disregards it completely, genders me incorrectly, and just thinks I’m a freak or someone with serious problems that needs to be fixed in some way other than transitioning. Acceptance doesn’t seem to be near my horizon, either from myself or especially from others. Fortunately as a musician I get to spend a lot of time alone playing my instrument. That elevates my spirit and takes my mind out of my limited physical existence.

[@Enokalien03]

**gives hug** It’s okay, it’ll be okay

[@rickastley885]

You needn't be worried about using the word queer. A lot of LGBT+ people like to identify as queer and even though it used to be a slur it's kind of become accepted as a general term for not-straight. You can use it all you like! Lots of hugs! Hope you're well :)

[@SwankyStufff]

Rick Astley at the same time though many people don’t like being described as queer as it was a slur so you shouldn’t use it to describe people unless they describe themselves as queer

[@leavemealoneplease7044]

Omg, same though! I saw the tittle and was like, "I feel the same exact way!!"

[@rumpeltoez5716]

I thought I was the only one who is dealing with that issue. Thank you for making this. It means a lot- especially knowing that we all have each other. :)

[@poleomentaa]

Man I wish we could all hug you through the internet. Please take my virtual hugs! Cheers, Leo.

[@Kovukingsrod]

Lenok Torres thank you so much for the hugs Leo! I’m sending virtual hugs back in return

[@Keitaalise2746]

Im so happy im not alone, im bi and i always keep lying to myself that im not, and keep hating myself for it. I dont hate others, but i hate myself which is weird. I have told my parents and i was accepted but im still so uncomfortable.

[@twitchkidsuniverse6030]

This video is so important. I relate to it on a personal level after only recently coming out, as an anxious human, its disconcerting and discouraging to see sonmany people accepting who they are as though it happens over night. Its important to see we arent alone in thinking these things, and self love is a long amd arduous process that never really ends. WE ARE NOT ALONE. That is what pride is about. We stand together through the good times, and bad times, and difficult transitions. We are loved and worthy, and hopefully we'll really believe it as much as we tell ourselves and others 💜💜💜

[@_dukeluke]

Hey mate. I totally relate to how you are feeling. It can be really easy to hold yourself to a different standard than you do others. Once I started transitioning, I moved states and told no one, and vowed I wouldn't until I had bottom surgery, because for me being able to say 'yeah I'm trans, but don't worry I have a dick' would be the only way I'd feel comfortable being out. I definitely have never felt that other trans people need to have bottom surgery or anything, but for ME that's what I felt I needed to do to accept myself and to publicly share my trans history. I've since had surgery and I still don't really feel the need to come out, but it's less so because of my internalised shame/transphobia as before, and now it's more because I am just 'a chill guy' as you put it, and I think I can truly say that I've accepted myself, which is something I never thought I could. I don't want to sound dismissive or ageist, but you are so young (as was I when I started transitioning) and you have so much time to come into your own and really come to terms with your experience. It took many years to come to terms with it for me, and even so I still have dysphoria, and still have days where I hate being trans, but I don't feel like an imposter anymore. I know I am a man, just as much as any other man, but it has taken YEARS to mentally get to that point. We are often given the idea that once we start on T, get surgeries, etc we will start to feel more comfortable and will fit in more with cis men, but often it does take a lot longer than that to really come to terms with it all and get used to it. You have so much time, and your future is so bright and one day further down the line being trans will be just another part of you. You're also still relatively at the start of your transition, and once you've reached the point you want to be at being trans does sort of fade to the background. Whether we like it or not, second puberty does take up a lot of focus. I remember looking for changes, waiting for surgeries etc. It consumed so much of my life, and now I'm at the point where I'm basically done and I don't have that to really focus on and so my transness is pretty much just a small part of my history and not really something I think about all that much. I often think about how one day I'll have been on T longer than I wasn't, that I'll have had a flat chest longer than I hadn't, that I'll have had a penis longer than I haven't etc. It really puts it all into perspective- being trans and transitioning was so consuming for so long, but one day it really won't be and I'll have so many more important things in my life to focus on. Try to not beat yourself up, don't feel bad for not being proud. Being trans is fucking hard and fucking exhausting, don't feel bad for how you deal with it. Without being cliche, it does get better.

[@shalacarter6658]

Amen!

[@evelyndill5688]

holy shit man i can see the distress in your eyes and hear it in your voice, ive been feeling like this so badly lately. and the deeper i feel this way the guiltier i feel. thank you so much for sharing

[@pokemonxander2471]

Give everyone who feels this way love and support

[@thmt7011]

i find myself questioning my identity bc I 'm a little bit more feminine even though I have come out 1.5 year ago as trans and socially fully transitioned

[@ji-yong231]

tóth Máté It's the same for me. But clothes and stuff like that don't define your gender. You can be a guy and still be feminine. The same for the opposite. It doesn't matter, as long as you feel comfortable. I'm also struggling with that.

[@anonymouslykind8981]

The fact is No matter what changes you make you are still male you still have the Y & X Chromosomes.

[@skylertrotta3547]

I'm a feminine transman too, but femininity doesn't make us any less of men. Screw all the people who think otherwise

[@thmt7011]

@@anonymouslykind8981 I am still male yes but i actually don't have XY chromosomes

[@thmt7011]

@@ji-yong231 I know but it can define how I pass and it makes me dysphoric lot of the time since I already have a high voice for a teenage boy. I try to remind myself that it isn't what defines my gender but it can be hard sometimes

[@jupitersdragon5058]

This. This is the video that I needed to hear tonight. The second that Pride hits, I get so utterly terrified of looking at myself or thinking about my gender or sexuality...No one talks about this, says a whole lot about these emotions that I really think are so common and just...hearing someone else saying all of these things, I feel so much better. I feel like I can finally know that it's okay for me to feel the way that I feel...so thank you Kovu, as always, for making the content we all need even if we didn't know it yet.

[@dracodevilchildmalfoy366]

I understand completely. I’ve been struggling with the same things and it’s super hard. But we are strong and can get through this.

[@paulalaiz4161]

I feel the same way as you... I know I'm trans and the fact that I'm a boy, but sometimes I feel anyone sees me like a "real" man and sometimes I don't even know if some day I'll be a "real man". Today I was confused about my self and I searched in Google "I'm afraid of accepting myself as a trans guy. What should I do?" And hours later u came with this video and I felt very identified with ur thoughts. Thank you for making videos and thanks for helping me to understand myself a little bit more. I send u the hug you needed, even though this is a virtual one.

[@minimalanimal9257]

Thanks for being real. I believe that even those folks "out and proud" right now struggle with the same things and don't talk about it. They should. I get where your coming from. Emotions and identity can be messy and uncomfortable and complex. Pride for you doesnt have to mean what it seems to be for everybody else. I personally am proud that I keep moving through the messy uncomfortable emotions. Not everybody is forced to go through that and you are doing it. I feel the way your talking about sometimes and it helps to hear you talk about it. Sending hugs.

[@SantiScum]

I’m only at 13:57 right now of the video, and every single thing you’ve said about how you’re feeling is exactly how I’ve been feeling. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it because nobody I know will understand to the extent that I need them to. Thank you for this video, I really, truly felt horrible for thinking this about myself, I felt like a hypocrite, and I felt like I was alone on this.

[@jimothybellware1979]

Kovu, you're not alone feeling this stuff. I struggle with a lot of feelings you explained in this video, and I'm still trying to learn to accept myself. It's a tough mindset to get yourself out of. Sending support your way dude, because I feel the same and it's really hard

[@helljoll478]

As a gay cisgender male I feel like I cannot even imagine what you are feeling... really hope one day it will be easier for everybody. "Don't bend with the wind", I am by your side! Good luck and best wishes

[@gabbyoman6996]

thanks for sharing this. I have had similar issues coming to terms with my sexuality and it is comforting hearing someone else share their experience. I'm really sorry that you do feel this way, and I hope it gets better for you, but thank you for sharing.

[@jonasfrantiseksoukup7206]

I feel the same way. It's like I am trying to be a guy (that I am) but I'm failing very badly. It's so much easier to accept my need to transition, but it seems impossible to actually accept myself the way I am and not to compare myself to cis guys, because I'm not cis obviously and I do not look (and never will) like an average cis guy either. It's gotten way more prominent and more difficult to handle after coming out, I didn't expect that and it sucks. I know I got to come to terms with all of it in the end, there's no other option, but it's so fucking hard. I am very glad you shared this, it is helpful to see I am not alone. I hope we will all get over this.

[@luke9726]

I’ve been feeling like this ever since I started to socially transition, and it’s amazing that you’ve put it into words. I wanted to talk to my friends about it but I didn’t want to bring up that I’m trans for the same reasons you said It’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels that way Big hugs man

[@Spacesharkie]

honestly, I just saw the title and I got so relieved. Whenever I tell someone how I feel about it, me being ftm, they react really bad to it and suddenly I'm a bad person and such. Also that thing about reminding someone, I get it, I can't even say that I'm trans out loud, while I've been out for about 3 years and after almost 6months on T, like I can typ it, or say something like it so someone will understand if they don't know and they need to know, I just can't say "I'm transgender" out loud, like ever...

[@MaNithyaPunithaAnanda]

Thanks for sharing. I have something to share also: Cause I belong to a hindu spiritual community were our guru has shared that in the ancient siences of India, the vedic lifestyle, 11 different genders were acknowleged and recognized. In my community it is considered mature conversation with ourself to question our gender and not just go by labels put on us and social conditioning. We even worship one of the hindu gods who is the perfect mix of feminine and masculine. This gender is the highest gender were who is in the enlightened space. And who understands even the very creation of the cosmos.. Ardanarishwara is the name of this god. The point is this: It is no way bad in any way to be not just one gender. My guru has even stated that out of the 11 genders anyone can explore were they are in this and that none of these are so called stright... So there! Nobody is stright. Lots of blessings to you, my friend. I am Norwegian also

[@ukkyue]

wish i could hug you right now, it is so wholesome to see that you're not the only one having those confusing thoughts, it feels like you're in a family and everyone supports each other. you put words into my thoughts and i felt understood the whole video (like many people said in the comments), so i guess you could say it had a positive repecussion at the end (?). it's hard to accept yourself, specially in the society we live in, but what a relief we have each other to count on. remember life is a long journey and you never stop learning, so stay positive! and take your time kovu. thanks for caring like always, and i hope you find your own way to be yourself and be happy with it. and same for all the people out there reading this! you're not alone, we all have our ups and downs and it's okay to doubt. just don't forget it'll all be okay at the end. lots of love💘💘💘💘

[@catalina1325]

I understand how you feel. I am BI and when I was in school people people would say mean things about people who are BI and Gay and Trans. for an example if you do this you are gay. and I'm still transitioning to what I am and what I wanna be. and when i try to fit in i feel left out. so I truly understand how it is

[@tonitoul]

Hey Kovu, I'm a gay teen and there are times that I also feel like I'm lying to myself. Its ok, we will get through this together!

[@selkiecat1]

I remember subscribing to you a long time ago and the progression is real, keep doing you mate and never care about anyone's negative opinions ♡

[@drethedinosaur1365]

Thank you for saying this. I also have a hard time being proud of myself during pride month or at any time during the year but especially during pride when I feel more pressured to do so. Thank you for everything that you do!

[@king_dumb_come5477]

Thank you for putting this in words! I always have so much trouble trying to explain this to other people but you really took the words out of my mouth

[@lvghllgr8181]

Hi Kovu 💜 it's very interesting to me how every time I have a breakdown you post a video that helpes me, this one also contains similar thoughts to mine. I was talking with my sister and I said about feeling "in between" about not fitting, many words you used to describe your feelings, I used them too. It shocked me to turn on my phone and see your video. Thank you for sharing this with us, when you said that we have each others back it was reassuring. two days ago I went to see my new school and everything was fine until I heard couple of boys whispering hurtful things when I passed by them. I was with my mom so I felt that I'm embarassing her. I think that broke me a little because I was changing schools so many times because of that and I know that as summer break will pass, I will have to face it all again. I came out to my sisters and they are ok with it, but I'm not sure about my mom. I won't even try with the rest of my family, cause I'm 200% sure they would hate me. fortunately I don't have any friends so I don't have to come out to them, but on the other hand it sucks to be alone. I feel like I'm going to suffer for years, hopefully one day it'll change. I still don't know if I should try to go to see a therapist, cause I've been to few of them and none of them treated me serious, one even said "you're a feeling like it because no one told you, that you're a beautiful girl" so..yeah, I don't know if I want to open up to another therapist. But even if I don't feel so good right now, seeing this video helped me a lots, I feel you and I hope one day you will be fully confident and happy. Always be safe and be yourself. I'm sorry if I'm too emotional or rambling, just remember that your feelings are valid and please don't feel like it's bad to feel that way if everything around you seems okay. I send you a big warm hug and I will always cheer for you no matter what 💜 (I'm sorry for rambling again)

[@shalacarter6658]

Teenagers are monsters! (Not you). The only way to deal with them is to kill them with kindness. And it's really hard to not care about how your family feels; but you have to stay true to yourself. Take the love you have! :)

[@Diablodesx]

i get what you’re going through, i feel like this a lot. i’m glad to hear i’m not the only one that feels this way and im not so alone and weird for thinking these kinds of things. Just hope you know we’re all here for you mate *hug*

[@nevis2698]

That was so damn good to hear from somewhere else other than my brain, you're not alone!

[@super_vampire_princess]

It'll be ok, don't worry, you are not alone. Many people fake confidence and happiness on camera, hiding their confusion and sadness. The fact that you went through so much proves you are not weak. Also, about what you said of still feeling bad even though you have a lot of support, I want to say that you do deserve all the support you need. The fact you are doubting is because you lack self-confidence.Doubting these kinds of things are in addition just characteristics of a very nice person. Many hugs. I think you are super awesome and amazing and handsome and great music taste and hair and style.

[@KaiiiK02]

I'm so thankful that you oploaded this, I kinda thought it was just me and my lil weird brain that felt like this. I'm glad i'm not alone, and you're definitely not alone either, thank you Kovu, we all love you!

[@finn7712]

thank u for your videos kovu, i can relate to so many of them. i really hope you'll feel better soon. sending u lots of love 💞

[@fbruer3923]

Kovu.. Im really glad u posted this because it really matters to myself and im pretty sure others who probably feel this way, feeling guilty of who they are whether because of family, society or even themselves. I guess we just have to keep fighting no?

[@MessyAngel]

the fact I understand this feeling so well... anyways, you don't need to feel like you're doing something bad talking about this, because sharing experiences is really what makes us stronger I honestly wish I could help somehow but I'm facing the same issues and I too don't know how to cope or how to feel exactly I really hope you can feel better and just know you have all of our support and love, for anything honestly wish I could hug you because I also have been in need of hug kxdkdkskdksksk stay strong, keep up with the good work, things will work themselves out, eventually, and someday I hope we can both smile and feel proud cause we've gotten through this!!!

[@maria-jh3fd]

this is so honest i wanna cry take care Kovu

[@imprint2030]

I completely get this!!! Thank you so much for saying this in words 💚

[@minty6905]

oh god i’ve been feeling exactly this now for about 3 months but have been unable to articulate it. thank you so much for making this video. so sorry to hear you’re going through it too; it’s truly awful. i wish the best for you :)

[@noctopus2786]

Hey Kovu, I almost never post a comment but I felt I really need to now. I understand your feelings, I feel the same sometimes. You're an amazing person, really. You're not weak or weird or anything. Having "doubts" and struggling with these thoughts isn't easy at all. You are brave. I hope you'll go over those feelings and be stronger than ever ! But remember, you're not alone feeling that way, and it's not a good mood, but it happens. Good luck ! Also, if I could (and I think I'm not the only one) I'l give you the biggest hug ever !

[@EcchiTilliDi3]

This video makes me feel so accepted and like not alone now so thank you kovu.

[@isabelledoodles6100]

Cried watching this... Thank you for sharing this. I needed it...

[@julietasilva2855]

I'm sending you a hug from uruguay! You will pass through this, we all support you, it's okay feeling like that. Thanks for sharing

[@over00lordunknown12]

7:09 It’s adorable how you have little arguments with yourself. :3

[@Marzipan1MissMarz]

Sending a virtual hug. You’re not alone in your thoughts, and it’s okay ❤️

[@past-lifechemist1199]

Thank You so much for sharing this, it must have been a rollercoaster. I'm very grateful for feeling less alone in all those thoughts you voiced so accurately. Wish you the best on the path to self-acceptance.

[@Kovukingsrod]

Nerik thank you so much. Wishing the same for you

[@darekblakesley6280]

I couldn't relate more. Thank you for saying out loud what was on my mind, you made me feel better.

[@ShadowAnimeation]

I use to feel the same way... in fact I still do sometimes. But you gotta remember that it's okay to not be okay. I know sometimes there are trans people who are out and proud and loud... but that's just on their videos, we don't know what their truly feeling when the camera turns off. Transition is tough and I think everyone goes thru seasons of guilt and shame and trying to figure things out. And even with a supportive family stuff like waiting on surgery, waiting on T changes, dealing with social transition, etc. are still a lot to handle. It's totally valid to feel down or awkward or out of place as you're going thru this stuff. Just know that you are loved, and you are worthy, and no matter how awkward you feel or how atypical you are, it doesn't change that. Everyone is worthy of love and happiness, and eventually this season will pass. And as cliche' as it sounds, things will get better

[@emslefuri3810]

It’s just nice to know that other people feel the same. I’ve been struggling with this on and off for many years. It helps to just sometimes forget about gender completely and think about the value you have as a person rather than a category.

[@ellioterickson4326]

I feel this so hard. You're not alone my friend

[@charizardcolinhemsworth5335]

Wow. That's everything I think. Thank you so much for putting me feeling into words. You make me feel so much less alone, thank you so much for sharing your story and experiences. It really helps. Truly. Thank you.

[@ZijnShayatanica]

Saving the timestamp at 7:16 for myself, to share with my partner. I've been dealing w/ this ever since I came out about a year ago & while questioning long before that point. And the way you explained how you now accept that you need to transition, but struggle to accept yourself AS TRANS, is super relatable... The shame is real. For the last few months, I finally made strides to accept myself & I was feeling largely okay, but I recently had such a huge backslide. As I'm more accepted by others, it makes me feel like a fraud, in a way? IDK... IDK about the purity thing, but I feel as though I'm weaker for being trans & not being able to accept that I'm "just a gender nonconforming girl" like everyone tried to tell me... I feel like I'm not mentally strong enough. Anyway, even though you don't post much anymore, thank you for posting this. And I hope you're feeling better. 💕

[@oliviah4744]

Because I'm fluid, I get called 'confused' a lot. I've given up correcting people now.

[@shohamoren2917]

I feel the same, thank you for speaking your thoughts and feelings so I know I'm not alone. And now that I see another guy feeling the same way, I realize that we're both young and that it can take a long time for us to really *accept* ourselves. I have more to say but I gotta sleep and I don't have the right words atm. So, thanks again.

[@milo4076]

Hug given! And it’s okey to not be okey right now, because at some point you will be okay and I just wanted to tell you that I think it’s extremely brave to just talk about these things and you are not alone! ❤️

[@finnegandunn]

i love you Kovu.. i... understand what you mean well get there one day buddy, all of us together

[@finnfelix7903]

I’m really thankful for what you’ve said in the video. Because I can relate to every single bit. And it makes me feel valid and understood. A thankful and loving hug. It’s gonna be alright. Thank u.

[@finnfelix7903]

It made me cry because I feel like this all the time ...

[@elta6991]

God, I cried Even though I can’t fully understand how you feel, I’m trying and I think feel for you. Telling people that they are gonna be okay when you’re not okay yourself is (well i don’t know many words in english) okay. That’s not hypocritical. I think it shows how much you care about people and it is beautiful. I really hope the fact that you helped many people to feel better and understand more will help you. You give it to us and we appreciate it, so you should know that we can give it back to you. Even if you know it already, it’s not bad to remind people good things. We love you♥️

[@sadwispy]

Thank you so much for talking about this. I can relate to every single point. Especially not wanting to talk about trans-related topics with friends etc., not feeling ‘man enough’ among (cis) guys, feeling like this odd in-between thing and all that. I’m so happy for those people who say they would not have wanted to be born cis, but I don’t think I could ever feel that way about myself. It makes me struggle with Pride Month, too. I’m even scared about commenting this because it ‘outs’ me. It’s probably stupid and messed-up, but it’s the way it feels. Thank you so much for putting all this out here 💙

[@alahna733]

I truly admire you and have done for a few years now. Your content is great and I’m proud of you for bringing up this topic and discussing it😃

[@charliemoran3233]

Thank you so much. I hope you get out of thus funk cause I’m in this funk too. I just started T and I feel the same as you and go let you know that while you told us that we are not alone, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! So thank you.

[@tomfoolery1039]

What you said at 20:14 really resonates with me. I get that kind of doubt and stuff, too, which is holding me back from taking Testosterone. I've tried to make the call for 5 months now and my fear and doubt are so powerful. Seeing someone who's further along in their transition and knows themselves pretty well and still says this but continues transition, this makes me feel more comfortable to make that call. It makes me feel validated in a way. So, thank you. :) I hope you get that hug, Kovu. We are here for you.

[@Zer0ghostz]

everything is going to be okay, kovu :-) qlso i jsut wanted to say, earlier last year, i came to you for help, becuase i was just finding out ,, hry im trans! and you really help me, still to this very moment. thank you for posting this.