“I stress over money-but we’re seeing Taylor Swift in France tomorrow”

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks Taylor, 39, and Steve, 42. They're married and live in New York City. Steve lost his job years ago, but has coasted without getting serious about his career. Taylor’s done the opposite-and now she’s ready to buy a home. Does Steve have what it takes to make a change for their future?
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[@ramitsethi]

00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@rzmk8620]

@ramitsethi how would you invest good amount of capital in 2024-2025? Your response will be appreciated. Thanks

[@IX3LocalBands]

Get a forensic accountant… Run Taylor Run !!!!

[@IX3LocalBands]

Get a forensic accountant… Run Taylor Run !!!!

[@charles_cody]

To the angel, absolute angel, sound engineer. The voices in this are crystal clear, soft, & pleasant. Please never stop engineering sound.

[@fantafantanocoke]

Yes! I noticed that too. It’s definitely appreciated.

[@Aquaria2291]

Yes, it sounds good on spotify, tv, in your headphones, whatever. Clap it up for the sound engineer lol.

[@ThinkChimpi]

Agree

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

Thank you for acknowledging the sound quality! Agree 100%!

[@nono99136]

The joke is Charles IS the engineer. :) Nice work buddy!

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

Steve is comfortable. There’s a few things here: he’s clinically depressed but so are many people and they still have to make a living. Additionally, he’s been living a life of luxury and the idea of him going to work a 50k job hurts his ego. The last thing is she’s his safety, she’s his mother. She’s taking care of him. No incentive to get a job.

[@ST-rj8iu]

Diagnosing someone with clinical depression that was able to get into Cornell law is off the mark. Steve is smart and knows he doesn't need to work. He could get a job tomorrow. He doesn't want one. Are you a doctor? Why do you believe you are qualified to diagnose someone with such a severe illness?

[@amandawithlov3908]

It sounds like Steve is living his rich life already while Taylor is not living her rich life. That is why he hasn't changed.

[@Dre2011]

Agreed. Steve is happy with a modest life and I don’t blame him lol

[@tigerrx7]

This is an interesting and insightful observation.

[@brianm1603]

@@Dre2011 A modest life that she pays for. Sounds like a pretty good deal.

[@Dre2011]

@@brianm1603 🤷‍♂️

[@Sofia-ge5wu]

Sign me up, cos I too would be exactly the same, modest income without working would suit me to a tea 😁

[@nazikiwe8259]

This episode hit home for me. Just left a 3 year relationship with a guy who left a stable job to be self-employed. After 2.5 years he was broke and spent his time writing blogs instead of actively seeking new clients. I was losing respect for him due to his lack of proactiveness and poor decision making. I didn’t want to end up supporting 2 people. Seeing this couple, I’m so glad we didn’t get married. There would have been so much resentment.

[@EndrichReveil]

Thank you for this comment. I am in the same situation and my bf just said he will be moving out after financially draining me. So I guess I should see this as a blessing because it would've been if we had kids or got married

[@janek.5886]

@@EndrichReveil Yes, it is a blessing in disguise. you dodged a bullet, and since you're the capable one, will be able to rebuild whatever he drained from you. Good luck!

[@Cat-es9rq]

this happened to me, I'm an immigrant established my career here and earning 6 figures and got into a relationship with a guy who has been doing ‘online marmeting’ in his words. 2 yearsin realised evetything is a lie and he was on disability cheques. I decided to end it when he asked me to buy a gaming computer worth 4000. I said I Don't have that kind of money then he was like ‘well buy it on your credit card’. That's it and I went back home and traditionally married an engineer and post graduation in business management. My ex send me tons of emails name calling and racistic. I never looked back. It's so important to leave people like that. All they know is take you down the drain with them!

[@Synoopy2]

I think its a self fulfilling prophesy. I am retired now but looking back, when I worked 6 days a week at 2 jobs I wanted to work more and more. When I stopped working as much say part-time , then I didn't want to go to work as much. I wonder if the guy you were in a relationship with suffered the same thing.

[@story7088]

You dodged a bullet. I did marry that man and he never changed. Not only that but he had a major sense of entitlement and sought a huge divorce settlement from me.

[@spf_500]

This man said mushrooms 😭😭😭 this is going to be a ride.

[@dreasbudgetlife1879]

I said the same thing when I heard that 😂

[@valm.5243]

My exact thoughts! 😂

[@TonyCox1351]

Mushrooms are not the “life changing experience” people want it to be. You might feel more reflective for a day or two after, then a week later you’re the exact same person you always were.

[@mickylord21]

​@TonyCox1351 as someone else who has taken mushrooms, I totally disagree. Psychedelic realizations are absolutely a thing. My mental state is improved for MONTHS after a trip

[@TonyCox1351]

@@mickylord21let’s use the example at hand since we’ve both had our own anecdotal experiences. Is a mushroom trip going to make this guy a go-getter who goes out and gets a job? 99% chance it is not

[@RadCenter]

Word of advice: Having a large property with a food garden is incompatible with travel during the growing season, unless you know someone who can care for it while you're away.

[@kdonor]

100 percent! We plan our trips around growing season.

[@latulip100]

As the caretaker of my parents garden while they travel agree. It’s a daily fight with weeds, pruning, harvesting, watering

[@RadCenter]

If you want to see if you're really committed to gardening and not just fantasizing, get a plot in a community garden and take care of it for a season. You may find that you like the of a garden more than the actual work.

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

LOL I'm a farmer and yah I never travel

[@TheAkumaChan]

​@latulip100 omg r u me, except I don't have that green thumb, so I was abdicated from my role lol

[@elaynegiahoover436]

Ramit's facial expressions while he *politely* hints that Steve is basically a toddler . . .. priceless.

[@Thenandagain]

He sort of is. He's just running out the clock until his parents die and using her to do it. I bet when he gets that money, he doesn't consider it "theirs" despite all the support she's given him. He's never going to work and she's going to have to face not having children. It's too late for her to move on and he doesn't care enough about her to contribute. Spoiled toddler. Very sad what the parents raised here. Did you notice all his toys in their home video?

[@jimgold2550]

@@Thenandagain I agree, but it’s insane that she hasn’t laid down hard deadlines earlier, don’t you think? Especially if she does want children. Their friends must be tearing their hair out watching them.

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@Thenandagain she can move on. you are never too old to find a partner. she is great! plenty of men would love to be with her.

[@kferencik]

This is not a money problem. This is a relationship problem. I don’t understand why either of them wants to be married to the other.

[@dsven1253]

Agree 100% Based on this episode, they may have history together and are both seem like very nice people, but really don’t seem like they have the same life goals or compatibility. Props to them for publicly sharing their challenges….but as an internet stranger, hard to see how this has a happy ending.

[@Because-rt8qs]

He wants to be married to her so he doesn't have to work. She's annoyed but she's not doing anything about her annoyance.

[@CRM394]

It seems like she is one step closer to realizing that. I hope she gets with the program soon.

[@90Swampfox]

Unfortunate for him, he’s embraced the concept of 50/50. Hard to man in your relationship if you don’t act like a man. Cut your teeth, do the hard, unpopular things & make it a comfortable place for your woman. Who takes a 60% pay cut & still figuring it out 8yrs later? Start by a clean cut & shave. The only reason she hasn’t left is because she hasn’t wanted to yet.

[@marioandultrachap]

Problem good dick and she is older her finding a new man would be difficult. This guy is 42 he could clean up his life and be in top of his game tommorrow if he wanted to she leaves him and he goes marry some hot 20 year old her on the other hand it would be easy for her to leave and find a guy much better

[@katet.3543]

Oh my gosh Taylor is so inspirational to me! From details of her subway rides with the calculator "every day" thinking she would never go from $40k to over $100k, to recalling the process of trying to get a better job and starting her practice, building her confidence, to saying she's proud of herself -- I was so grateful to watch this episode! After their house discussion (47:14) I did not think she sounded like a mom, but like an ADULT -- planning, taking responsibility, thinking things out realistically, doing the difficult work to GROW. It takes time to change, and her follow-up showed her same adult work ethic and commitment to doing the work needed to get where they want to go. Bravo Taylor. Keep going for your rich life!

[@SuzanneU]

What I see in Steve is what a friend describes as "weaponized helplessness".

[@tedtalksrock]

Is your friend named “TikTok” lol 😂

[@jamesbaxter222]

@@tedtalksrockProbably, but in this case, TikTok is right.

[@laundrygoddess4]

​@@tedtalksrock weaponized incompetence has been around for a long time in the clinical world. Tiktok just made it more well known

[@neisci]

"Y'all" learnt weaponized incompetence from tik tok? I am officially old? Lol.

[@kimgaddis3057]

I lived this life for 15 years until I had to walk away even though I "loved" him. My counselor gave me some of the best advise... "Sometimes you have to love people from a distance because if not they will destroy you mentally and financially." Here is the nuts and bolts of it. She either loves him enough to be okay with him not working and helping and let it go or loves herself enough to walk away and do better for herself. I had rather struggle alone than struggle with the weight of two people.

[@dinagarcia9143]

I came here to say the same thing. She's better off alone and he needs therapy.

[@TheCswing]

I dated a guy for 6 months and realised that he was a coaster and said all these things and had a plan but I never saw much effort. It’s sad when you like someone and can see their potential.

[@gigimunguia5136]

I think they both need therapy, separately and perhaps together in the future once they're ready.

[@fatboyannie]

Love is not enough. Love is a verb. I think she would be ok if he works at Target.

[@kelly4618]

Amen sister! There's a song from the 80s it says "I can do bad by myself. I don't need no help to starve to death." Many women haven't heard that song.

[@barbaratozzano6364]

Parents, let your children struggle! Allow them to fail. This is what happens to kids who never failed. Failure is where learning happens and where the muscle to pull ourselves up comes from.j

[@mcmsantiago]

This was my key takeaway also! The gift of failure is so important, it helps to create a growth mindset instead of a fixed one. Also, do not put too much stock on academic performance, but teach children the life skills they need!

[@ambivertical]

@@barbaratozzano6364 well said

[@MrSteelermaniac]

❤ This! 💯 FACTS!!!

[@damienbates]

Totally agree, teaching them to adapt and learn useful skills to make money and become independent.

[@amarbyrd2520]

There's a difference between parents who "don't allow" their children to fail and parents who do everything they can to MAKE SURE their children fail ... especially if / when they can't appropriate the child's successes for their own

[@BuyLessJess]

I try not to buy much but Ramit is out here inadvertently selling me high quality sweaters.

[@BlahDeDah7]

😂😂😂

[@karenkelley2024]

Right?!? Me too! 😂

[@fantafantanocoke]

For reals.

[@elaynegiahoover436]

Truth I live in Texas and wear sweaters 1 month a year but here I am like, "Maybe I need more sweaters."

[@lowlowseesee]

oh you aint buying those. i seen the price, they are more expensive than his car lol

[@michaelvo]

Watching the couple do the CSP behind the scenes was a nice perspective. You can see that the conversation they have in private is more honest, less civil, and slightly disrespectful than when Ramit is present.

[@GreengoldAlchemy]

It was very revealing. They have a child/parent dynamic.

[@Love_Mika]

Yes, and he acted like a teen in that clip🤦🏾‍♀️

[@lowlowseesee]

this is when they had the cam off and it was still problematic. imagine how it goes when there is no camera

[@susiex6669]

​@@Love_MikaDont want someone acting like a teen, quit acting like their domineering parent. Enforce boundaries and stick to them, not be like complain, complain but I like the travel perks.

[@Love_Mika]

@@susiex6669 looks like she is taking your advice - setting boundaries and standing strong.

[@kellybirchenough9831]

Speaking from experience, please get yourself counseling Taylor to find your way. You are better than this, what is your rich life? he is holding you back besides going on fun trips. I married a med school classmate that ended up flunking out after his mom died. I gave him ample time to recover but he never got a job again, paid for his med school loans had two kids with him and he chose to be a stay at home dad except he wasn't taking care of the house we bought, never mowed the lawn, and wasnt really a good stay at home dad either. His choice was to take "legal" recreational drugs no doubt because he was depressed but after 3.5 years of marriage and almost 9 years together. I called it quits 3 months after my 2nd child was born and filed for divorce. Please don't be me and expect them to rise to the occasion with even more responsibility because he is not even cutting it now before a house and kids. Sorry Steven you need to be a drifter and let her go.

[@alyssarivera2166]

Wow, sorry you went through that. I know it wasn’t easy. So glad you got out.

[@JF-vw9lv]

Congratulations you basically experinced what the avergage men experiences.

[@alyssarivera2166]

@@JF-vw9lvso u think the average man deals with a woman who lacks motivation and has no financial literacy.. u really must be around some awful women and some great men

[@talknursingpointcom6755]

Exactly my points. Stop enabling him. And if he wants you back, he’ll do what he has to do.

[@plynn136]

@@JF-vw9lv No.

[@hazelwebber1594]

She is so incredibly patient.I could not do this. Good for her for achieving so much.

[@susiex6669]

Incredibly patient....while going on multiple free vacations every year. 🙄

[@trishaprett7721]

She needs a man in her life,more than a supportive husband.Sure his previous relationships were similar.She is a mother figure,and his ego is bigger than his desire to work.

[@neisci]

She is, but in a motherly way which never in a marriage. No woman wants to sleep with their son and no son wants to sleep with their mother.

[@QueenB086]

So when he made more money, he wanted to split everything equally. Now he hasn’t had a steady job in years, but it’s okay because his wife will support him…got it.

[@ramitsethi]

I want to take a minute to appreciate this week’s podcast guests, and ALL of the guests who come on my show. Imagine the courage it takes to open up and share the intimate details of your relationship and finances for the whole world to see-and LEARN from. Let’s show our couples compassion. None of us know how we’d react to these unique life circumstances until they happen to us. So let’s thank them from their openness. Instead of judging, ask yourself: what can I take away and apply to my own situation? Judgmental and rude comments will be deleted.

[@camillemitchell301]

Thank you for this comment, Ramit!

[@maxdistefano6243]

So dude has 200k in stock . 40k in cash points he can convert and makes 40k plus a year . Yet everyone in chat is upset with him? She is a gold digger point blank. Reverse the roles and no 1 says shytttt. She wants him to make 100k a year more than most double income households.

[@wandafigueroa6281]

Wasn’t him to said everything had to be 50/50 first?

[@angelikalaser7778]

I really enjoy how people open up and show us their perspective. I always learn something about myself and find parallels and even though I am not from the US and my income or investments are not close to what the guests have, I can always relate. It is incredible, it is not about the numbers. Even when math is mathing. 😅

[@laurenm.6320]

Right? I could never 😅 This is some of the very best content on this platform, so I know so many of us are thankful for what we can take away from these very vulnerable conversations.

[@tasteslikepurple122]

Did I hear correctly that while they’ve been together for ten years, they’ve only been married for two? If so, that means he would have been having an employment issue for six years by the time the got married. At that point, the relationship dynamic is fairly established. It just goes to show you the importance of being in a relationship with someone you like and trust as the are NOW, and not for who you think they COULD BECOME in the future.

[@destinyschild5768]

Exactly he was like this before she married him which is crazy I guess she really loves him but it’s clearly not enough

[@agusal4487]

Good catch. That’s a huge detail.

[@amandawithlov3908]

@@destinyschild5768 I think she's blinded by the lavish vacations which don't mean much when you can't buy a house with points. He pretty much makes her pay for it in exchange for her paying for their living.

[@gabrielar9611]

Sunk cost fallacy. She’s invested a lot into this guy up front. She thinks there will be a return. There isn’t 😢

[@eddiemalvin]

It's like watching two people try to move a couch and one is lifting while the other is sitting on it.

[@1bluegreen2]

Steve did NOTHING except talking about concepts. Nothing in his follow up has a CONCRETE sense to it. He needs to take ACTION! " i want" "i want" "i want"....

[@chaaaaaaaaaaaad]

Wow . Exactly

[@debbielockhart7762]

She needs to leave that loser.

[@AndyTargaryen]

Thanks Steve and Taylor for being open and honest. Not easy to put your stuff out there for the whole internet. You guys are smart, rooting for you.

[@harmonyandpurpose]

This man shows a LOT of signs of clinical depression. My guy, if you are reading this, please consider seeking some help to explore that possibility. Even if it isn’t the case, you will be showing yourself some big self-love by taking that step. Spoken from experience; just give it a try and see what happens. Wishing the best for you both.

[@Sallyy150]

Agreed!

[@mrs.quills7061]

I agree. And I think her unrealistic expectations don’t help either. He doesn’t want a house wife and she wants someone to take care of her.

[@SG-qu1re]

@@mrs.quills7061I don’t see her wanting him to take care of her. She has provided… she wants someone to be a partner

[@juliamontejo1563]

I was literally about to say this. This is what I was like before I got help.

[@nikilucy]

@@harmonyandpurpose I really wish this episode hadn’t aired. He needs help and compassion. Not the social media comments coming down on him. I think the low self esteem/depression is stemming from untreated adhd leading to the ‘’blocks’ or failure to advance even though he wants to. There is nothing worse than knowing you’re so capable, being told you’re so capable and also being unable to move your life forward. He’s probably his own worst critic already. Nothing messes with your self trust more than letting yourself down, not to mention your loved ones too. Depression is a very common comorbidity of untreated/undiagnosed adhd. I’m not in the business of armchair diagnosing ppl but I hope he or his wife take a moment to maybe just look into it bc the interview highlighted some very common markers.

[@jennifercrosdale5391]

What I've seen in 53 years: When children have never been given a chance to fail, will ultimately fail at something in adulthood and be pretty devastated by it. It seems that Steve's catalyst of failure was his job reducing his pay by 60% and he's still licking his wounds. The one event kinda crushed him and crushed his motivation for further challenges. He's lost his trust in himself, he even said this. Hopefully the couple can work thru their issues. Thank you, Ramit for another great session.

[@denomen3391]

the space for and support through that failure is also important. i grew up with high expectations, and despite failing several times, i rarely acknowledged or cared about my failures because i was too busy worrying about what my parents would think and how i could make it better for them. i failed upwards for a while, and when the big crash came, i deeply struggled because i wasn't working through my challenges, they were just being swept under the rug. I didn't work hard to change my situations, things worked themself out so I didn't have to

[@neisci]

That was 8 years ago.

[@bessmcneill971]

I mean this with all due respect but he just doesn’t seem into this relationship. He got almost giddy imagining a life without her, traveling and snowboarding. She has no leverage for him to change. Almost feels like a marriage of convenience for him and he could take it or leave it. It seems she is emotionally and physically withdrawing too.

[@a.m.whitehead7676]

I felt the same way... Like, I don't think these two make sense at this point, in terms of future goals.

[@SmallWorldColumbus]

Unfortunately, if they split she will have to support him.

[@HeLL-pf5lp]

As she should! He’s been living off her for years

[@sussie9895]

@@SmallWorldColumbuswhy would she have to support him? They don’t have kids.

[@SmallWorldColumbus]

@@sussie9895 he can ask for spousal support even without kids. She provided a standard of living for him and out earned him.

[@BlahDeDah7]

“I don’t feel right paying for your life” oooffff. That says it all.

[@angelikalaser7778]

Yes, it hurts. My hubby was without a job in last years, and I had no problems being the sole bread winner if I was earning enough for our (lower) middle class lifestyle. Same goes for him. He never argued that I need to get a job. I just really enjoy working. I want him to coast and stay home with kids when we are in our 40ies.

[@blurrydog1]

I think it would have been a different situation if both of them entered into the relationship understanding that one person doesn’t want to work. they started their relationship with the premise that they were both earning and it’s not unreasonable for Taylor to expect him to earn money again. After 8 years of expressing that she wants him to get a job I would be resentful too.

[@joleneparrish]

Especially in the follow up, I'm feeling that Taylor is doing more than setting boundaries.... She's dishing out punishment. I can't see how that is part of a healthy relationship.

[@katesever2900]

We NEED two episodes a week, Ramit. Pretty please. 😊❤

[@Rryb20]

AGREED!!!!!!!!!

[@lowlowseesee]

I disagree. i love this pod more than most, seen every episode and currently am obsessed with the IWT brand and Ramit lol. that said many of yall dont know how much work goes into these episodes. then yall dont realize that this guy and the team are still selling several programs. its too much work. another episode would maybe lower the quality at worst, and at best ruin my guys Rich Life. let that man rest

[@Gioli565]

At least! 😂

[@margieodonoghue1632]

@@lowlowseeseeI agree - and I would t be now to keep up!

[@benpicton1635]

She has contempt for him. He has Peter Pan syndrome. They’re married but they’re not a team AT ALL. She’s talking house and kids and worrying about biological clocks, but he mainly cares about snowboarding and travel. I can’t see how these two are gonna make it.

[@brianm1603]

Where does he snowboard in NYC? I thought it was odd when he mentioned that he spends a lot of time doing that. I assume that he must travel somewhere which involves more cost.

When Ramit asked what he would do if he woke up tomorrow alone and he said "Snowboard" - That said everything. Dude - I've been married for 10 years - I would do nothing but cry and be devastated.

[@susiex6669]

Why? Its obvious they are two completely different people with different mindsets. They remind me of the couple in the film Blue Valentine. If he's not interested in being a CEO and his priority is travelling and enjoying life, thats his right. Not everyone is made for suburban life.

[@Sarah-np9yb]

She's invested 8 years in this. That's why.

[@susiex6669]

@@Sarah-np9yb No one held her at gun point.

[@hassiearaya8024]

It would be nice to have a one year update on this couple.

[@stop08it]

I can already guess what some of the update will be…hope it’s not true and he can change or get help to change

[@debbielockhart7762]

Hopefully it will involve her dumping his sorry ass.

[@bladesdna]

I'm saying this not as a judgement, but just as my analysis. Steven is a classic grifter. The way that he knows just the right things to say, and says precisely the things he needs to change, and what she wants to hear. He knows exactly what to say to survive another week, another month and it turns into years. The points, the margin debt, all ways of cheating the system. Post show, she's given him ultimatums, but yet each deadline comes and goes with no consequence. Steven has a job and he's very good at it, it's squeezing the most value out of those around with the least amount of effort. He's even convinced many in the comments that his problem is depression, and that the problem isn't his fault or responsibility. I guarantee if she dumps him, he'll find another sugar mama to fund him his lifestyle. I think he's a very rational intelligent person, who's made the best play possible for the lifestyle he wants to live.

[@Karen-ff4os]

Covert narc behavioral pattern. 😮🤔

[@fiscalgirl]

Yep, she's going to be heartbroken when she realizes that she was ultimately just being used. It won't be clear until she's out of it.

[@amandawithlov3908]

Great analysis honestly.

[@Biancahuntwhitten]

Bingo

[@ladyoftheflowers44]

I dated a guy like this He was a drug addict unemployed mooch until we broke up and he got sober “found Jesus” got a job and started paying off his debts At a certain point you gotta kick the baby bird (grown man) out of the nest and realize they can fly they just didn’t want to

[@EtherBunny-z7k]

He admits he was just coasting to begin with, has shown no initiative to better his own situation, carries lots of insecurities (rightfully so) and seems depressed on top of it. I understand her being frustrated, 8 years is a long time when you’re working hard while trying to encourage/motivate your partner to live up to their potential. They need therapy. Separate, together, all of it. If nothing changes I wouldn’t blame her for leaving.

[@beetdiggingcougar]

I wouldn't blame her regardless. She's probably 6 years past the chance to change.

[@VBoo459]

She should leave now. Therapy isn’t going to fix this. It’s past that point, now it’s ingrained behaviour and he’s comfortable. Why does he need to change? He said himself that he’s GOOD, just that financially maybe not. He’s along for the ride. She needs to quit this.

[@feliciawilliams5720]

They dont need therapy. They need action…

[@angelikalaser7778]

I don't know, they don't have debt, they have investments, do ibternational vacations. Why does he need a job and keep up with her? She wanted to be a SAHW but now loves her job. He can be the dtay at home parent, when he can focus on coupons, points and homemakeing/gardening. Would we still be as judgmental if the roles were reversed?

[@laundrygoddess4]

​@@angelikalaser7778they have 60k in debt

[@jzmina]

I pray God keeps this kind of love far far away from me. A whole marriage and you’re still functioning as individuals. You can’t change him girl…

[@debbielockhart7762]

God has nothing to do with it. Use your com.on sense and don't marry a bum.

[@ozzyngcsu]

Why in the world would someone stay at a job that decreased your pay by 60%?

[@spf_500]

Some people are afraid of change even if they know it will help them 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@jdeux3677]

Because his spouse pays the bills

[@rerungirl]

I stayed in a job that reduced my pay by 40% because I signed a lease and couldn’t see how I would pay my rent alone. I don’t all together regret it as I got a free mba out of it but it was the worst self esteem hit I’ve yet experienced.

[@rerungirl]

I also left the job after the mba :)

[@dnah02]

Someone that does not want to do the work to find a job

[@user-sf3ri1hq8x]

This was like watching a real life Miranda Hobbs and Steve Brady. Good luck to both of them.

[@Katerina2020]

Ahahah so accurate

[@keemiel4005]

Steve had self-motivation and self-respect. Never wanted to take Miranda’s money to coast.

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

Brady had night club lol

[@feliciawilliams5720]

Sex and the City 👏🏾👏🏾🧡

[@mzcain1521]

Steve always had a job and he opened his own bar … their stories are not similar at all

[@FunandBudget]

He could create a youtube channel and a course on credit card hacking and the point game. He says he loves it and it is definitely something that he's put the hours into that would qualify him as a subject matter expert.

[@egge5027]

I was thinking this the whole time. If his blog isn’t about cc points, I wonder what it is about. He seems very knowledgeable.

[@YourRichAuntie]

Actually capitalizing on that expertise takes time and energy that Steven just doesn’t have. He could create a KZbin channel or a blog but that is pouring in hundreds of hours to build up a base and then monetize. He doesn’t have much ambition for a straight 9-5. I don’t think he has much ambition to capitalize on his knowledge

[@FunandBudget]

@@YourRichAuntie You are right...I just really wanted to find the most positive aspect possible. But as we all know possibility won't always equal reality.

[@mrs.quills7061]

@@YourRichAuntieit’s so true! It’s a lot of work and people don’t realize how much effort video editing and creation is. The bigger KZbinrs and steamers have teams behind them and those who are alone spend hours while usually holding down a regular job.

[@user-cw7lm4vo2j]

Wonder if that’s what his blog is about?

[@brianc3302]

6 week vacation last year? They aren’t that worried about money.

[@ozzyngcsu]

And not really sure why they should be. They make around $250k a year and have a net worth over $800k.

[@einstein1102]

It's all the points lol

[@Playingwithproxies]

@@einstein1102how much did he spend to make 4million points 😅

[@FunStuffBuddy]

@@ozzyngcsuwhere did they show this? What time stamp? I can’t find this anywhere? Or did they cut it out?

[@brianc3302]

@@ozzyngcsu I didn’t catch anywhere that stayed a net worth

[@DidacticToast]

I appreciate the callout on how yelling won't help. Admittedly, I did feel frustrated throughout and shocked this has gone on for 8 years. I don't think I could stay with my partner that long if they wilfully were not employed, I could just see resentment build.

[@Anonymus-xr5ee]

To be fair, he was not 8 years unemployed. He worked until 2022 at the company with a reduced salary and is running some business on the side, which is up and down (he mentioned 60k in revenue (?) last year).

[@DidacticToast]

@@Anonymus-xr5ee ohhh I misunderstood that, thank you for clarifying!!

[@feliciawilliams5720]

Ramit shook me with ‘you cannot motivate an employee’ analogy. I got it 😳. You can’t change a person THEY have to want to change themselves. 👏🏾

[@ppoppoiop6336]

Yep... sad that she lacks the self-esteem to have left a looooooong time ago.

[@emilywimmer8320]

Wait... when they met he was making $100k and she was making less than half, and he still insisted on splitting dates 50/50? He has always been a bum at heart.

[@dataman16]

I mean they split 50/50 now too im not saying you are wrong im just saying hes consistent

[@Cat-es9rq]

She was so dumb to marry that guy. I wonder he would've been done splitting 50:50 even if she was going through pregnancy, labour and postpartum 😢

[@dataman16]

@@Cat-es9rq i mean... they don't have kids.. actually hes kind of like her kid, and it doesn't seem like either of them particularly want kids. I think they made the concessions early which makes sense. some people know their world view may or may not work with somethings and honestly I'm not mad at it at all. Like i dont think being lactose intolerant would affect a vegan all too much because thats not in thier diet ( specifically about kids not all finances)

[@debbielockhart7762]

​@@dataman16No way are they splitting 50/50. She has a bag full of IOU notes (basically). Good luck with that.

[@gack88]

I am a career barber - in my opinion, he should find one. Change his look and instill a whole new sense of confidence in himself. You’d be surprised what that can do for a man. From there- he can look more inward and find help there as well. Mental health and self actuality is so important! Good luck to this man and couple! Brave for doing this 👏

[@anitaahiadormey665]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@red878787]

There is no enough love in this conversation. There is a communication lapse between them - she's trying to communicate her frustrations and he doesn't have a grasp of his own to communicate his. They both would benefit greatly from couples and individual therapy.

[@whysoblutube]

I think Steve’s folks help him out way more than he let on. There are lots of people out there that live like he does but do it on the down low. They have money, so they just keep their mouths shut about it. They’re “independently wealthy.” It just seems that he got depressed and instead of contributing financially he decided to stop altogether. He’s probably a stoner, too. The codependency is solidified with these two.

[@nicoledimiceli6144]

The follow up was great. She has begun to "check out" of this relationship. And I believe is the best thing for her rich life. He is really just waiting to inherit money from his family.

[@WeLoveMeals]

Oh, I had to dump a guy like this about three years ago. We were together for three years and he was highly intelligent and even graduated from anIvy League. But he was so incredibly lazy and just basically played video games all day in between little jobs. I got tired of supporting us for over two years and cut my losses.

[@MsContingencyplan]

This is one of the most real and raw conversations I've seen on this podcast. I applaud them both for being so honest about their situation, and I hope they can get some help (counselling) individually and as a couple to figure out their future.

[@thewriteplaceforme6874]

This was a really interesting episode to watch, but not for the reasons you might think. I agree with all the insightful comments about getting therapy (esp. him, but also her) and that she's really tired of carrying the weight of the finances. He is definitely living his rich life, and I don't believe he has any incentive to change right now (even if she leaves him). It was interesting to me because this was a profile in complacency. Through most of her relationship with him he's been out of a job. They only had 2 years of him making more than her, and 8 years of hoping that this is the year things will change. And while he took a hit to his self-esteem and doesn't know how to use the tools to hustle, he's fine. He lacks for nothing and he lives a pretty good life. But it has no purpose or joy. I hope that coming on the podcast gives both of them the push out of complacency they need. (And maybe the mirror it holds up to my life is the nudge I need.)

[@angelikalaser7778]

Did you notice how in the beginning she freudian slip says her mom wanted her to get a rich husband? And then he said to her 50/50 and that he will not provide for her. But she decided that she likes him and to me it seems she has been trying to change the dynamic ever since. She needs to let go, either of her wishful picture of him or him completly :(

[@pariswilliams8212]

Take the depression and the insecurities out of the equation. He chose to be with this woman and she’s asking for his help. He should be helping her. End of story. We all deal with depression and anxiety and insecurity yet we still have to press forward. Him not understanding that would make more sense if he were in his 20s and even 30s but at 40 years old there’s just no excuse.

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

Mine is 48 n we have kids, making income but not great. My health tanking, 23 plus yrs n I m just exhausted. I need a miracle in our life. I think my husband is just comfortable. It's been too long, I was naive.

[@feliciawilliams5720]

@@IMBLESSED-oe6dl 😢🙏🏾🧡

[@daniellefaith47]

It looks like she is improving with seeing boundaries at the end, but she needs to include consequences and then actually follow through (without nagging or reminding) so he he starts to feel that sense of urgency. The "if you don't have a job/ increased income by the japan trip, I'm not going" is a good example, but it needs to be applied to everything at this point.

[@DivineBella1]

That’s part of the problem. She can’t bring herself to enforce the boundaries. He’s a child to her and she just has to keep dragging him along. The follow up showed that he didn’t really care. Everything she asked him to do he either didn’t or half ass did it. A she set there and did nothing.

[@kristirae7223]

We definitely will need to hear an update on these two.

[@isabelreyes6387]

13:56 these people travelling like they are rich - 2.5 weeks in France is wild. Taking a 6 week vacation bc your cat died is stupid

[@bmorehead]

I want to know how he gets all these points.

[@Golfdiegogolf]

This was a really eye opening conversation for me. Never in a million years did I think this would be a thing. I know that we live in different times but me as a Mexican male could never see my significant other do all the work by herself and I just coast for 8 YEARS?! I get sometimes life happens and you can be out of a job for some months but this due is flat out taking advantage of her. As a male if my significant other made the money this girl is making I would maximize and contribute as much as I can to set us up for our future and retire early. Dude has a golden ticket and doesn’t even notice it…

[@charles_cody]

Dude is terrified of failure. He was a naturally successful person, something out of his control took his success from him & caused him to feel like a failure. He is defending against failure again because of that emotional scar. Getting into a law school like Cornell & not going without being able to articulate why in a coherent way says it all.

[@Anonymus-xr5ee]

I don't know if this is really the case or if the issue is that all of his goals seem to be external. The law school example fits in: He likely applied there because other people pushed him to / or he felt like it was something he had to do. But I have never had the impression that he wanted to become a lawyer. I got the impression that there is a deep-down big difference between the life he wants to live and the life he thinks he should live/expectation of others.

[@marabookstagram]

I give kudos to the couple for speaking with Ramit and being so open and vulnerable. I wish them well!

[@jevonsygu1]

If my company dropped my salary to below half... ✌🏾

[@jdeux3677]

Right

[@mrs.quills7061]

I honestly think he got demoted, took a lower paying job with less work or asked for less hours. Heck, maybe he even got fired and doesn’t want to admit that and was making 40k off stock gambling. There was a lot he wasn’t saying here, but I have trouble believing if a company wasn’t doing well they’d just drop your pay… Wouldn’t they just lay you off??

[@brianm1603]

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that he wasn't a "High Producer"

[@bagel_bandanna]

What industry is he in?

[@JuliaTaylor-w3m]

This episode is so close to home it is crazy! I left my husband last year after 7 years of him not working and me supporting us and our small children! I had no boundaries, he had no consequences, he was brought up with money, he is very intelligent, he kept doing "get rich quick" schemes instead of looking for a job... it is like listening to my life before I left, but the only difference is that I had completely given up even trying to talk to him about getting a job (no point nothing ever changed) and he was bringing in zero! He was even using the same language like "I should do this and I should do that", but it is all talk! I don't know what is wrong with these men that they are okay with just sitting around and letting the woman take on all of the financial responsibility! It definitely ends up being a parent/child relationship not a partner/partner relationship and that becomes really hard to repair!

[@zahraaalz9621]

Him talking and looking at her for approval is giving "mommy and child" vibes. He needs to man up and take responsibility. Also needs therapy too. He's depressed.

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

That isn't fair, there are 2 people in this relationship. She has also contributed to that dynamic.

[@lemondrop7305]

@@cognitive-botanical-therapyshe’s contributed but she’s not the brunt of it lol

[@pamelasa]

Here's my question - HOW have they acquired all these points? Doesn't that mean they have high credit card debt???

[@hold3290]

​@@pamelasa it doesn't necessarily mean they have high balances just that they have a lot of credit lines

[@pamelasa]

@@hold3290crazy huh??

[@YourRichAuntie]

Ramit is dealing with Steven's core personality, which seems to be unambitious and a "coaster". Steven has a life WELL ABOVE his income or effort levels. He lives in a fabulous city in a rent-controlled apartment, travels the world with a beautiful wife who does all the fretting and planning for him. His parents will even kick in money when things get tight. In his mind, why should he change? He does the bare minimum, shifts the burdens to everyone else, and contributes some credit card points, so in his mind, he's covered. Am I Right?!? I believe if Steven had a life that really reflected his effort - a wife that leaves him due to his avoidance, a crumb bag apartment outside of NYC, or his parent's basement with no financial support, no travel, no dining out, or anything he'd likely feel very different and may be ready to look at making changes. Tayler needs to see this relationship for what it is, her basically carrying a deadbeat through life - Steven's core personality is unlikely to shift. I don't think I could tolerate his avoidance and lack of ambition and if he didn't follow up on his promises post-Ramit, she should get out while she can and allow Steven to live a diminished life that reflects his lack of effort.

[@rerungirl]

I agree - seeing how many comments blame his depression to me sounds crazy. The job’s 60% decline and then his firing would make sense as an excuse for up to 3 years. It’s been 8 years and he’s still coasting?? He’s getting Taylor Swift tickets and leading a fabulous life with a pretty wife without doing much of anything. He had the support of said wife and his parents - if he needed therapy or medication he could have perused it in the 8 yrs since his career change

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

Wow... calling a stranger a deadbeat is really harsh, dude ... I think they just have wildly different values and approaches.

[@rerungirl]

@@cognitive-botanical-therapy please I would love to hear what you think a deadbeat is.

[@JF-vw9lv]

Men deals with this all of the time.

[@lowlowseesee]

yeah ramit called that out too. i love when he points out why change isnt happening for some people. like, why would they, they get every thing they want and you cover for him lady

[@zipporahngigi4532]

He just said the most important thing for him is freedom. Why is the lady talking about starting a family and her biological clock. He said, he doesn't want a house, listen to what your husband is telling you.Gal, it's time to move on!

[@drcravins]

He’s a man child. She needs to move on - he’s not interested in being a partner. This has gone on for way too long! Being alone is not the worst thing in the world-it can actually be great.

[@lanadecker8800]

He never was intersted in having a housewife because he is very comfortable being househusband.

[@phoenixnmhesq]

Being alone is awful

[@tropicalplantadventuresina1569]

This episode gives me so much relief that I'm single.

[@avivalavida403]

same queen

[@TBubblez786]

Same here! I'm not missing out on a thing!!

[@dawnkoplitz1825]

Taylor is sooooo resentful of the situation. I don’t believe either of them really want to continue this relationship.

[@jenlollygag6815]

Not him asking for an equal partner when he's the unequal one???💀

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

Just because someone is financially unequal doesn t mean that he/she has nothing else to give .

[@dorahmulinge3800]

Yooooh😱

[@spf_500]

😂 😂 😂 😂

[@VBoo459]

@@rebvanwinkelstein2578 And from this video, what else does he give? other than "points"

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

​@@VBoo459 I haven't met them, so all I can do is guess, but he seems to be there emotionally as a partner for example 💁🏻‍♀️

[@joannat1898]

As someone who always “got” things easily in school, I can understand what he’s saying. It’s almost a curse being smart because when you actually have to work hard for something, it can be a shock. However, grit is like a muscle: you have to use it more. Having a growth mindset is one of the keys to life and makes it easier to dust yourself off and try again when there’s a setback (and there will always be setbacks). It’s why a lot of kids who are smart in school don’t actually do well in the real world. I do think he is struggling with depression though. Eight years is a long time not to take action. I wish them well!

[@akronorka]

As a highschool dropout, and a high achiever in adulthood, this fascinates me.

[@jenbar308]

I sympathize with Taylor’s frustration, but she seems to loathe her husband and might be better off being single. The follow-up, where she says if he forgets the “reassurance check” a second time, she will remove her physical presence for a day (basically punishment). It should not come to that. Sad for both of them. I’m not one to jump to “they should split,” but he is unwilling or unable to change and she seems to have serious contempt for him. They might examine whether they are still compatible. 😬

[@dawnkoplitz1825]

I totally agree with you.

[@1bluegreen2]

Steve needs to get cleaned up if he's not going tobwork for himself. It's just how soceity works. Get a hair cut, shape up/clean up the facial hair dude!

[@stop08it]

He probably works in tech, lots of guys in that industry that look like him. Also if he’s as smart and competent in his work as they say he is, it will not matter as much especially in that industry

[@Wenshu_Art]

This is why I like this show more than Caleb's because you dive way deeper into the issue of money and mental health of it rather than screaming at them saying everything they do is wrong.

[@mrs.quills7061]

Yeah Caleb just shames and yells at every little thing. It’s not healthy or productive for anyone.

[@wendydarrow]

caleb is like the maury of finance. taquitos is the new "you are not the father"

[@laundrygoddess4]

Some need to get yelled at to make change. They work with different types of people

[@brandonwilson5727]

@@laundrygoddess4like these guys tbh 😂

[@laundrygoddess4]

@@brandonwilson5727 lol maybe 🤣🤣

[@grownandflownkitchen]

I used to teach gifted kids and I want him to know this is not unusual at all among high IQ people. Many people are quickly bored and not focused like a normal IQ person. Their thought processes are different they think on a higher level and value things differently - money is not usually motivating = knowledge, thinking, processing and mastery consume them whether it has money attached is irrelevant. I had many kids failing because daily tasks weren't high priority to them - literally wouldn't do homework even though it would've been easy for them...passing the class wasn't important to them. I feel like Steve needs to find a real purposeful problem (meaning world service - hunger, environment, justice...whatever he is passionate about) that involves helping people and where his focus is more on creating something that improves the world versus how much he makes the money will come from it eventually (his intelligence will for sure get him there). Steve needs a deeper purpose than what his annual income is I think that will get him on the road to success. I love your relationship and who you are as people - i can see why you stay Taylor, its hard to find people who are content and aren't on the hamster wheel obsessed with riches. Obviously Steve has to make a change and be a partner and contribute but I think you guys can climb out of this...boundaries are important though.

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

TY so much for this balanced perspective that doesn't just blame him! I'm very similar to Steven and I've gone from working big tech (Facebook, Google) to owning a small urban farm. I make way less money, have less security and more stress around money, but I'm 100000% happier.

[@AlyssaMartinpage]

This was such an insightful comment. Thank you for sharing this perspective.

[@feliciawilliams5720]

Yeah very smart people do seem to struggle with the American value system. But this is how us humans set it up 🤷🏾‍♀️. He is a dreamer like Ramit said….hope he finds what he is searching for

[@grownandflownkitchen]

@@cognitive-botanical-therapy I love that you were brave enough to jump off!! Happier beats millions every day! A life you love and that serves others is really where you find the most contentment...all the luxury brings a Large stress of its own. I guess it just matters which stress you want. Thats why i love Ramit - he also values contentment and happiness not just money. He respects peoples desire to not become mega rich.

[@arstorte]

This is such an insightful comment 🙌

[@red878787]

To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. The people they're too exhausted to be any longer. The people they don't recognise inside themselves anymore. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into. We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out; to become speedily found when they are lost. But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honour what emerges along the way. Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame. Sometimes it will be a flicker that disappears and temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness. HEIDI PRIEBE

[@carlfaitware8099]

When New Yorkers say shit like "Everyone buys a house and keeps their apartment in the city!" it strikes me as absolute unrealistic financial insanity. You'd have to either be in the $500-700K income range or some trust funder kid with old money who has never had to hold a real job in their life to swing those kind of numbers. You are talking about financing (or owning outright) around $3 Million in real estate alone. And your taxes will be absolutely savage.

[@jasminl8742]

She’s giving him all these opportunities for him to get his stuff together but he keeps refusing. It just goes to show how easy marriages fall apart when you refuse to listen to your partner. She truly loves him, I can’t imagine being this patient if my husband acted this way. I hope she pulls herself out of it before she loses any more time. If this isn’t a wake up call for him their divorce will be and it’ll be too late.

[@JavierGarcia-hd7xm]

Steve will buy a home with points and miles, i believe it. That would be epic!

[@kimvisser1985]

😂

[@Scott0588]

I can already see the Netflix documentary, Credit Card Castle. It starts with Steve opening the front door of his mansion, "Welcome to my rich life."

[@amolkoldhekar1293]

I paid for part of grad school with credit card cash back, it’s possible!

[@CharBar07]

@@amolkoldhekar1293for sure. One hedge fund manager used his American Express card to buy a million dollar painting and use the points for air travel. Same concept just on a bigger scale.

[@JavierGarcia-hd7xm]

@@amolkoldhekar1293 hell yeah!

[@normalouis8593]

My marriage is exactly like this, in some ways worse. I identified with all their issues. We are now separated as I’m doing better off doing things myself than doing things and having someone else come along for the ride (exactly how she put it).

[@irenekanel.ac.7721]

His comment about not having a sense of urgency pretty well sums it up . Unless he has a sense of urgency whether internal motivation or forced because of external circumstances (ie: she leaves) he won't move forward.

[@CaptPicard81]

I know exactly what’s going to happen: They will break up, he will finally get his shit together, she’s going to be incredibly pissed lol

[@twlight9000]

Or he just snowboards from a shack for 20k a year which I think would make him more happy tbh

[@stop08it]

He’ll find another woman willing to take over for her so he can continue living his rich life

[@TempleoftheDarkPartsoftheMind]

Great episode. This arrived right on the cusp of me having a sit down conversation with my wife in terms of her priorities and plans moving forward. While not entirely the same situation she shares a lot of similarities with Steve. This episode definitely gave me some food for thought on how to approach the situation this weekend.

[@HeLL-pf5lp]

Taylor needs to go over her finances with a fine tooth comb. She should pull her credit report YESTERDAY and make sure there aren’t more credit cards or loans opened in her name that she’s not aware of. I got really bad vibes throughout this episode, and each time something new about their situation was revealed, I got more worried for her. She needs to make sure her husband hasn’t deliberately made their financial situation impossibly convoluted to conceal even sketchier behavior than the things she already knows. Time to hire a forensic accountant if that’s what it takes.

[@oksanatoofor4470]

Why do people with such opposing views on life get together as couples? She is financially driven, she thinks working hard and earning 6 figures makes her “a good person” or “successful” and she wants to buy a big a house and have kids. He 1:11:52 wants to chill, enjoy the present moment , snowboard / travel - all of which he could do “hippy style” with minimal money. Why are they together when their life plans differ so greatly?

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

The sunk cost fallacy, right? They were early 30s when they met, they got married (sounds like after his income decreased; she still chose to marry him), and they are now realizing their goals and values are different. Maybe they didn't start out that way, tho.

[@Anonymus-xr5ee]

Opposites attract but can easily cause resentment. She was probably attracted to him because he is a laidback and chill guy, while she appeared to be more high-energy.

[@mrs.quills7061]

I thought the same thing. She straight up said in the start she wanted a traditional relationship and to be supported, he then said he didn’t want a house wife and doesn’t seem to care about the same things she does. Neither are bad, they just weren’t compatible from the start.

[@amarbyrd2520]

@@Anonymus-xr5ee High-energy but also controlling. She is controlling, and he is passive.

[@destinyschild5768]

@@mrs.quills7061 exactly they were incompatible from the beginning but for some reason she double down on him and continued the relationship and even married him. Maybe she didn’t want to be single anymore cus I’m struggling as to why she stayed with him this long

[@nicolecorry2418]

The mix match here is pretty extraordinary. I'm happy that she got some help figuring out that her feelings about the way the marriage is going, what she wants etc. is not "wrong". Growing a garden, owning a home, having a child if they want that, and traveling a lot can be a challenge but I feel like sometimes folks need to live their dreams or aspirations before "crossing if off their list" I hope that he gets some professional help in either being comfortable where he is at or, making the changes that "he says" he should be making. It sounds like this has been a start for her to get a little more clarity on what her belief structure is when it comes to the partner that she needs --and confidence and comfort in her beliefs.

[@CM-cy3qo]

She likes him and would likely never leave him. He knows this and takes advantage of it.

[@tracyaf6084]

Whenever spouses get into a parent child dynamic, it is serious trouble. She’s probably feeling like she’s invested too much time and is staying because she doesn’t want to start over.

[@feliciawilliams5720]

But having a child..is closely becoming not an option for her. She better make some decisions 🙏🏾

[@vevetorok]

If there's an HR professional watching this, I'd like to hear what would be an acceptable way to explain an 8y gap in a CV 🤔🤔 (in all seriousness, no hateful comments please)

[@angelikalaser7778]

I am a woman, so I use the patriarchy to my advantage and tell them that I took care of my kid and prior to that that I took care of my husband and did not need to work. I had male friends making up self employment. They did some gigs but blew it up to fit the resumee. It depends on your skill though. If in high demand, the company will close their eyes to a lot of things in my experience.

[@jmnthe3rd]

​@@angelikalaser7778 It will never be acceptable for a man to say, "yeah I just let my wife earn all of the money for a few years."

[@ursonate]

I find it annoying that gaps have to be explained. Like let people live their lives!

[@vevetorok]

@@ursonate oh I'm totally with you! but it is what it is 😕

[@stop08it]

Your comment is one of many reasons why no one likes HR 😭

[@geobreezetravel]

I cant get over the irony that their follow up videos are recorded from a room in the Park Hyatt Paris Vendome hotel, which is a $1000+ per night hotel, and he almost certainly spent ~40k points per night for it. I absolutely love the points game and we get many tens of thousands of dollars of luxury travel out of it each year, but I always remind people to prioritize real money over the points and miles play money. If you're into the points game, that's great. But the points come so much easier when you have all your other financial foundations already set first 👍

[@occasionalytcommenter6553]

Please can you explain this points game thing? How are people able to amass points and get free stuff

[@geobreezetravel]

@@occasionalytcommenter6553 there are lots of different strategies. The most common is to apply for high-reward credit cards that give you points in exchange for putting expenses on the card. Different cards give bonus points for different expenses categories. Then when it's time to redeem the points, the most lucrative strategy is to transfer the points to an airline or hotel partner to get complimentary travel. The process of finding good redemptions can get pretty complicated, so my entire KZbin channel has free step-by-step tutorials for how to find those kinds of points deals, if that's something you're interested in learning more about.

[@reina-qz4hx]

⁠@@occasionalytcommenter6553 Most of these people are doing something called “manufactured spending.” There are lots of videos about it here and they usually start with a legal disclaimer and tips on how to stay under the radar/not get caught..real winning strategy 👎

[@stop08it]

Spending tons of their own money

[@Lczzy]

Points redemention can change at any moment . Not reliable.

[@sweetsmize6873]

This is a tough one! She is putting so much work into this man. I know this show is about finances but, I can’t help but wonder if there is any intimacy in the relationship? I don’t know if becoming a parent is apart of her plan. If it is, I think she will one day resent him for wasting a critical part of her life. I hope they both find peace!

[@seyiagboola]

"I believe taking mushrooms will help" MY BROTHER IN CHRIST YOU'RE 40

[@angelinahale1356]

😂😂😂😂

[@dune2themaker]

Taylor: I don't want to parent him. Taylor at the end: I want to have a follow up each friday from Steve.

[@irenemendoza9502]

This was so difficult to watch. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I realize it's because I can empathize with both sides because I've been there. Whether growing up and seeing my parents struggle or even finding myself in his shoes I see the hurt from both ends. At some points I wanted to shake the crap out of both. Thank you for sharing your stories and being so vulnerable with the world. I hope you both make it out of this soon. Definitely gave me a lot to reflect on about my beliefs.

[@ofonasuquo2865]

I could not be the only one that feels Taylor is very focused on herself and her desires. I want a house. You owe me 20k for OUR wedding. Any human who tells their spouse they owe money to you, should reconsider marriage in the first place.

[@gabrielar9611]

This guy opens up credit cards. Spends the limit, invests in cds and has 60k in debt. They’re both looney tunes. They should have never got married.

[@russellthompson2126]

In her defense. He did say he expected 50/50 when they started d dating. If their finances are separate, then he owes her married or not.

[@UdoADHD]

I didn’t hear him say at all what kind of life he wants to create with Taylor. He’s just existing.

[@Jerseystructureunderboss]

As a man who doesn’t want kids (in his late 30s), I think I recognize that this guy doesn’t want them either. They need to get all that stuff worked out asap

[@AG-hl1ni]

Its better they split

[@margimello7408]

I think if we check in on them in 2 years they will be separated or divorced. They clearly have become very different people from when they first met. Bro needs to get on some SSRI, forget about the mushrooms.

[@moneymanifestation9505]

She's to old to have kids so that's not even a talking point 😂what are you saying?

[@randomsarcasm2022]

@@moneymanifestation9505She’s only 39. She has a good 6-8 years left to have a child with IVF and 4-5 years naturally.

[@lisazug540]

I think you have a point there, they didn't get into that. Sometimes passive aggressive guys like this avoid the kids convo by perpetually not having enough resources/security to pull the trigger. She doesn't seem too driven to have kids so she hasn't pushed it. She said that she was still contemplating kids, so it's still possible. I know at least 3 people who had kids in their early 40s so it definitely happens for some people. I they divorce, she likely won't be having kids though.

[@malcolmbonner7475]

This relationship is so broken. They need some serious marriage counseling and maybe to consider divorce.

[@K17702]

Her language around 47:06 "the kind of house that I buy" - emphasis on the "I". They are MARRIED but in her mind she is doing life alone. Even in one income households or situations where one partner makes significantly more than the other, as long as that is the agreed upon MO the mentality should be that these major life decisions and expenditures are done as a team. Her saying "you'll have to pay rent" blew my mind! This is your HUSBAND, yet due to way their relationship has deteriorated over the last 8yrs, she views him basically as her dependent. It's very sad and they need a major change ASAP if they want to correct this.

[@RobDob1569]

I thought the same. How degrading is that. I can’t imagine speaking to my wife like that. Eight years of little to no contribution and missing expectations will do that to a marriage.

[@tamid2225]

Mushrooms!? Sounds like a fun guy, lol!

[@CNM2326]

More like a fungi

[@keemiel4005]

He loves the detachment from reality…his life goals are freedom, travel and snowboarding, and she wants to buy a house and have kids. The math ain’t mathing.

[@tamid2225]

Great insight!

[@jimgold2550]

@@keemiel4005It’s perfectly valid for him to prefer travel and snowboarding to kids, but both require earning money, that’s the issue.

[@MrCam1225]

I've listened to every episode of this show and this is top 3 by far in the most bizarre. She doesn't need a child, because she already has a man baby. I was surprised therapy didn't come up because he needs all sorts of help. Imagine being on a French getaway and having to hold your tongue. She needs to save herself, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and head straight to the divorce lawyer. He's not going to change and her follow up already sounded like the beginning of divorce papers. Hate to see it, but sometimes it is what it is. 8 years?!?! The time has already been wasted. Wish her luck and wish him professional help.

[@kyleolson9636]

This show wasn't couples therapy. We have no idea the full extent of their relationship, and everything he may bring to the table. I agree divorce is a likely scenario for them, but ambition isn't the only positive trait someone can bring to a relationship. Maybe he would make a great stay at home parent. I don't feel we know from this conversation.

[@erinc5066]

What were the other episodes you thought were bizarre? I'm curious!

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

That's so unfair to him. She's also contributed to the money dynamic. For example, compulsively requesting money for the wedding they planned together. She has a lot of compulsions around money and major trust problems (probably from the inheritance trauma).They aren't really a team, which I'm surprised Ramit didn't point out.

[@Aquaria2291]

@@erinc5066 this one is my top most unhinged: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aXrSdINnrtF1sJYsi=xFKn_4HfQcWF7XWn I still pray for that lady every day smh. And this one made me want to cry for him: kzbin.info/www/bejne/i4G8en17o8aVacU And this one was a banger. Talk about a twist: kzbin.info/www/bejne/n4LUaKurZd6Fo6s

[@user-xz1us1dp7g]

Would you consider buying a house in Ithaca and going to Cornell Law School - 3 years, that’s it - law is a fascinating field of study - plus it opens doors to many other opportunities - it seems you are a very talented student and I am certain simple curiosity about the many topics in law would keep you engaged - you would most certainly do well - best of luck to you both - and thank you for sharing this situation - years ago I experienced a similar situation (good student unprepared for normal ups and downs of employment) - I was devastated - my heart goes out to you

[@tntjelo]

“I ask how was his day and he shuts down. Like he thinks I’m asking him about a revenue stream. But yeah that’s why I’m asking”. In so many words. Do people ever listen to themselves talk

[@chillgamingchannel1283]

ROFL! I know that cracked me up. I can't imagine how awful that must be for him :(

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

I know!! Taylor and Steven seem to've shifted away from one another wrt their money values. I don't think it's fair to only blame Steven here.

[@em55527]

I'm guessing after 8 years, it's come to this.

[@beachandtea]

@@chillgamingchannel1283 For him?? 8 years of not really trying and you feel bad for him?

[@lowlowseesee]

thats why i love the podcast. they could benefit from hearing these things out loud. and if they are brave, watch their own episode. and if they are real brave, come in the comment section and do some reading lol

[@youtubelw7092]

Gosh, another couple that reflects my relationship 😢 Thanks for come and sharing with us. Really appreciates it

[@VashtiPerry]

He hit the gifted child brick wall. Therapy. He knows the answers but he has some personal unpacking before he physically changes. He will change because he wants to go back to his self sufficiency but he needs support from a therapist or a support group

[@celinelover]

"I do want more space. I want a garden, I want to grow...stuff" - Steve and all I can think about is how this mans wants to grow mushrooms lol

[@st4rbuxx]

genuine question: how does one spend "hours per day" managing rewards points? and where did these millions and millions of points come from, if they only ever had a peak combined salary under 200K? something doesn't seem to add up.

[@maizygrace]

He’s shuffling credit cards. Opening them, shifting balances. Likely making major purchases, shifting the balance, then making returns. When they’re going through the CSP, it’s so confusing because tracing the money is so messy.

[@Sarah-ff8yj]

I'm not sure what Taylor does exactly for work (she mentioned having a firm), but she alludes to her own business's finances being confusing to her because she's always having to use different credit cards to make purchases. So she's probably putting all of her business's expenses on cards when possible.

[@AlexiaHammond-rw7qq]

Nothing here makes sense 😂

[@pubear7514]

Wait, he expecting her to contribute equally when he was making 100k and she was making 42k? 👀

[@einstein1102]

This one hits close to home because my best friends are kinda in similar situation.

[@JuliaY-t9n]

I think it’s a fairly common situation. I can think of a few similar examples as well. 😢