I Told My Wife I'm Tired Of Raising A Child Which Is Not Mine r/Relationships

[@threeducks157]

People keep blaming op for "volunteering" which he didn't, he was volunteered, what further angered me even more is the people guilt tripping him saying that he is the best parental figure the girl has.

[@randomusername3873]

Is basically a good reason for never doing something nice ever again

[@s.hi.1076]

Even if he was volunteering....a can revoke consent at any time, can't he?

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

I felt the same way, found that last comment in the original to be especially irritating, they pulled all the stops for that one. In that comment they: pulled the “she’s just a kid” card, projected their own life story, used the ‘ol “I’m not telling you what to do but look at all the goods things that will cease if you stop” play, and ended it with saying that it’s up to OP to find the solution. Pure guilt trip and manipulation tactics right there.

[@fandomfan2800]

no lol

[@threeducks157]

@@s.hi.1076 yea but people get blinded when there is a child involved, I mean i get it im a father and would do anything and everything for my kids, bit people seem to forget adults have limits and feelings too.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

The more OP talked about Harper’s “dad” the more disgusted I felt with that pathetic waste of space. Also, is anyone annoyed with that last comment of the first post? OP doesn’t want to play dad to a kid that’s not his, which he is right in doing so, and this person decided to guilt trip OP into continuing to play dad.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

Reddit doing it's usual delusional self😅

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@F40PH-2CAT Yes. I know. I'm a young woman and even I'm absolutely appalled by the level of guilt tripping these people are trying to do to OP. Yes, that little girl needs a father, but that's not OP's job to fulfill the role, especially if he has his own children to look out for.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

yes, not only is the extra kid moving in, her mother is too. He doubled his trouble.

[@toothless3835]

@@miminana-hd6nf From the sounds of it, he never cared about the having to take Harper with everything, it was he was being a father to a kid who had a father that was a dead beat. He described the deadbeat as thinking his [the deadbeats] money was his and Jennifer's money was also his. It sounded like there was at the very least, financial abuse going on. Her not able to afford things could've been because her husband was hording it. It may not have. Who knows. with three working adults, in a 4 bed house, she [Jennifer] should be able to save up now.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

I mean, I’m not saying that OP should cut the kid out cold turkey, but he should be allowed to set boundaries and take a small step back from what he’s already been doing.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The older women encouraging younger women to stay with these deadbeat toxic men are so disgusting. It's screaming misery loves company, I suffered so you have to too. I'm sure men encourage it too, but it's so much worse from women who've actually been through it.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Exactly. It's just like the way certain parents react when they find out that the person they're talking to is child-free by choice. Then all of the bingos start: you'll change your mind, there's always adoption, who will take care of you in your old age, etc. It's the same with people who never marry. Sometimes they don't want to do it. It's not for everyone.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

And then when its a healthy relationship with boundaries, theyd tell her that hes controlling n urge her toward clubbing....n thus cheating.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

​@@patty-pat-pat It's better than modern men who center their lives around vvomen

[@Razzaphale]

@@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh Both are toxic, neither is 'better'.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@eleethtahgra7182 That’s not true at all. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Quit making shit up.

[@jasoncarter4343]

OP’s wife should be the one stepping up to provide her own time and resources for Jennifer’s daughter.

[@LadyBern]

I was annoyed that he brings up a valid issue. An issue her own friend sees, understands, acknowledged and voiced to her. But because he said it instead of letting him know "yes we really appreciate what you've been doing but here's how bad things really are and I'd like to ok it with you that they stay here until things settle and she can get on her feet again." She gets mad and gives him the silent treatment. She put being petty that her husband is burnt out over the original plan of revealing the issue and saying she needs a place to stay.

[@andysheepleton]

Yeah OP really needs to take a hard look at what he is getting out of this marriage. He should have layed down the law when the wife slept in the guest bedroom, his wife does not care that her husband does not get as much alone time with his daughter as he would like because it benefits her by making her friend beholden to her. There is a certain type of woman who likes to have friends who are beholden to them and I think his wife like's the benefits that she gets and does not care about how OP feels. (Harper's dad is a certain type of dad)

[@bettybell63]

Jennifer needs to file for divorce that way she can pay for her own child with the new child support.

[@ugaladh]

but she will sue OP for child support.

[@rubymeaddle]

​@@ugaladh that's not how any of this works

[@smapa1185]

​@@ugaladh No, you dumb*ss, she's going to sue her soon-to-be-ex-husband.

[@ugaladh]

@@rubymeaddle unfortunately, it has happened.

[@dierdred_the_gray]

@@rubymeaddle it uh. It actually is. Child support can be charged by the childs mother to the father figure of the kid. If that kid says that the dead beat dad is just a sperm donor and that OP is her dad because he was more of a father figure than DBD ever was, A good lawyer can genuinely get OP nailed for child support for supporting the child "paying for dance lessons, food, clothes, etc, etc" US paternity court is extremely gay

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 2 I heard this one before. The dad did it to himself. I find it hilarious when cheaters act like they are the victims.

[@Swnsasy]

Yea, same here.. That man is just ridiculous and disgusting.. How the friends etc take the side of the cheater is disgusting... I'm so glad the mom is so much better and happy... That dad is a pathetic piss poor excuse of a male... Putting that on his child is just gross...

[@draconisdragonheart4248]

The easy answer is that he took vows. If he breaks them, he has NO RIGHTS to the marriage he broke.

[@whitneybennett4857]

What gets me the most is that OP's "dad" had the audacity to call OP a traitor when he was the one who spent a couple of years banging his wife's BFF. Or rather, the skank pretending to be the wife's BFF.

[@des1279]

@@Swnsasy bc some people truly do think men cheat bc they have urges and that it’s normal and natural for a man to cheat, but women can’t cheat bc…sexism idk man it’s so illogical and honestly makes men look pathetic so idk why men try to push that narrative just to get their dick wet 😂

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@Swnsasy I know right? He didn't really love OP's mother, he just loved the stability and security she provided. That's made clear by the fact that he's still in a on and off relationship with his mistress. 🙄

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 2: The dad is a sexist AH. His reason for cheating is trash. If he loved OPs mom, he would have even a bit of self-control and remained faithful.

[@robertx8020]

OP's dad...I can't help it cheating .... Op's mom ...I can't help it wanting cut your d**k off

[@VNCstudios]

The crappy thing is that dumb logic fart isn't as rare as you would hope amongst stupid men. The irony is the men that think this are the same people who think a woman who cheat are the most evil people alive. It's typical alpha male toxic BS and let's be real "Alpha Males" are just inc*ls who hit the gym and think they're hot shit now.

[@masterost1994]

People have different levels of libido and urges, sorry we're animals, not fairy tale characters.

[@VNCstudios]

@@masterost1994 well be single then or get into a open relationship don't God damn cheat. If the woman cheated I bet you wouldn't be defending her.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

@@VNCstudios facts

[@pandorasflame7742]

Fun fact- in the US, if you're the person primarily acting as the parent, you can petition the courts for child support or even custody! You do have to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, but it's possible.

[@tennesseedogpack]

In family court it’s more just show believable proof.

[@DisneyChar]

That's more likely to get him paying child support for his common law adoption vs the courts taking a kid from 2 "dedicated" parents.

[@nousernamesarevalid]

"We need to be there for Harper." ... Um no, she can be there for Harper. OP does not. OP needs to say he cannot handle both children and require that at least 1 mom needs to come if you take both girls.

[@drunkbillygoat]

Look up laws in France. They have it far. Far worse.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: Raising other people's kids is hard. It sounds like Jennifer married a guy who won't provide for his kid and so OP's wife has volunteered OP to step in. Jennifer's soon to be ex is a joke of a parent (How are you going to act like an alpha and let someone else basically be dad to your kid). I'm sure OP has shown all the compassion he can. It just never should have got that far.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you, especially when it comes to Jennifer's ex. He's literally the textbook definition of a deadbeat dad. ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

[@zebnemma]

Seriously This weird delusion men have of what an "alpha" is needs to die right now. It poisons men into acting like selfish swine. What they see as "alpha" is more aligned with useless and selfish. Or maybe it's just men coping with their shitty personalities saying they are alphas but deep down they must know how fucken useless they are. So the solution is more like stop letting your ego rule your life, be humble. Then they wouldn't need to feel so insecure all the time they feel the need to call themselves fake alphas. Just do your best, but even if you can't get to where you want to, going back to being useless is just a shitty excuse cuz they can't cope with their ego. Their ego is probably telling them "I need to make this and this much money and if a woman makes more than me I'm useless". My mom seriously divorced my dad 20+ years ago cuz he too insecure about her making more than him that he would hoard his money and almost never helping out with buying stuff for me and my sister... So my dad had something similar going on as this guy in the post. My dad was always a cheapskate when we grew up but he became a much better dad after we became independent and moved out. IDK WTF his whole issue with money was cuz it never really got much better when we were still kids, even after the divorce. It was still mostly my mum buying us clothes. Only very seldom my dad bought us new stuff. 90% of the time we got hand me down clothes from our cousins and old af beds to sleep in that got me back problems... So yeah sometimes buying old stuff can be okay but some old stuff is pretty useless if it gives you back problems as a 12 year old...

[@andysheepleton]

Exactly his wife doesn't give a toss about how he feels because she gets all the gratitude for OPs sacrifice.

[@Masenken]

By OP's own admission he had no problem with the kid or Jennifer, only the husband. He didn't mind doing any of the things he was doing. He was just pissed at how much of a piece of shit parent the other father was

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 2: he cheated on his ex-wife. He has no right to monitor her relationships and know what’s going on. That’s not his wife anymore. He’s crazy, calling his child, a traitor, for not helping him spy on his exes relationships and reporting back to him. ETA: listening to his exclamations for his cheating, he was greedy for sex.

[@Sparky0627]

Granted, but if he's paying alimony, then YES, he does need to know she got married. Not before, but immediately after. Otherwise, the mom is committing Fraud!

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

@@Sparky0627 I didn't hear anything about alimony in the story. It sounds like if alimony was paid the ex would have been using that as an excuse to throw the fit but didn't - I don't think there was an issue of fraud.

[@SueTainsh]

@@Sparky0627 lol you’re stretching here. You don’t know if the mum told him

[@jay2thaudy]

Story 1 basically ended with him having to double down on his responsibilities to another person's family. Feel bad for him. That wife better go for child support a start paying for her child's stuff.

[@crisrodriguez5693]

At least, with everyone at home all the time, maybe the saturdays don't need to be "everyone relaxes but OP". The moms can talk all week and then go out with OP and the girls on saturdays, or find any other arrangement. She's free from having to return to her husband, so maybe she can step up more. Hopefully, there's that.

[@Uneclipsed]

@@F40PH-2CAT lol you know that humans largely survived through community/ group support, right? You sound like you’d get eaten by wolves.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

This will end poorly. What a huge mistake allowing them to move in. It will be easier to pull teeth from a rabid dog than to get them to move out anytime soon. There is no plan here for that mother and her daughter to move forward and the OP's wife isn't going to push the matter either since she feels bad for her friend and she likes hanging around her friend. When the OP realizes the huge mistake he made and when he eventually grows the balls to tell his wife he wants her friend and her daughter to move out, he will be the villain. The ONLY way OP gets out of this is if the friend starts hitting on him, cuddling on the couch with him, dressing more skimpy and provocative in front of OP, and lots of hugging and kisses that move from the cheek to the lips in front of the OP's wife. Maybe then, she will realize the error made by moving her friend and her daughter in. Of course, it could also go the other way where the OP's wife starts blaming OP for the actions of her friend. I remember a few years ago my wife wanted her friend to move into our house to "get away" from an abusive husband. I told her straight up, NO. I told her we would help her get into a decent starter apartment and that's it. Since the friend had no job and no money, that meant we paid for the first 3 months and the damage deposit. I knew we would never see that money again but I didn't care, I didn't want an open-ended houseguest. It turns out the abuse from the husband was his yelling at her to get a job if she wasn't going to stop her expensive shopping at stores and online. Once my wife heard about this, she lit into her and told her she WOULD be paying us back. She also heard from other mutual friends that her friend wanted to move in with us and thought that after a while my wife might be willing to "share" me with her or even try some experimental threesomes. We never saw the money we spent for her starter apartment and my wife and her are no longer friends.

[@legion6211]

​@@F40PH-2CAT If it starts small. You notice it less. You can boil a frog without it trying to escape,Increase the temperature slowly

[@Vadjansama]

Don't feel bad, what he gets he deserves for his own actions.

[@alarmedregret]

Story 2: Dad is selfish, childish, and emotionally immature. Op needs to speak with a counselor or legal advisor on getting the court order changed/terminated. Her dad is not a good person to have in her life. And with the recent scenes from him and his side piece, she certainly has grounds for concern.

[@mbyerly9680]

Two crazies are fighting it out around OP. That is not safe.

[@CrimsonAngelWinges]

Someone preferably OP needs to inform Sylvia that she should just expet that she's side piece material only.

[@terrybeasley5931]

People have " urges". Yup. That doesn't mean you ACT on them. This is what separates good people from bad people.

[@matheuslopez578]

Story 2: No, No, No and a thousand times no. I'm a man, being a man is not a synonym of being a natural cheater. The only reason I consider cheating is an option is when your partner already cheated on you and you're about to get your revenge and burn bridges. And even that is questionable

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 2: So a 17yo, who since she was 15yo has been more mature than her father. That sounds like a crap situation o be in.

[@GLoLChibs]

NTA. Harper's mom needs to pull up her big girl pants and either put her foot down with her husband or leave him. OPs wife needs to not be so enmeshed with her bestie, she's not helping or supporting her, she's enabling her and disrespecting OP snd their own daughter in the meantime. His wife is stripping away OPs autonomy and punishing him for her own selfishness. His wife needs to be hit with the reality either she starts prioritizing OP, his very valid concerns, and their marriage by telling her friend to get help and more support or she's going to find out what it's like to be a single mom. These kids are all almost tweens, NEITHER mother 'needs or deserves a break' from the kids at that point.

[@robertx8020]

You missed the part about the 'alphaman' en always agressive? But you are free to stand up to a agressive partner ...

[@robertx8020]

@@LostSoulchild89 with the power of hindsight? yes

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@LostSoulchild89 You obviously know nothing about abusive relationships. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@veezopolis]

@@RuminatingRaptor there are so many people in these comments that are blaming the mother? For being abused?

[@gks9149]

@@veezopolis NO. People are blaming her for not taking care of her own child and dumping the responsibility to her friends husband!

[@AndyyWithAY]

Not sure if it's NTA or NAH, the fact that Harper's mom is not ever driving them and just hangs out at OP's house makes me lean more towards NTA. I don't think anything would be accomplished by confronting the dad. Harper will be really hurt by this, but I can see how OP is overwhelmed. He only has one daughter and wants quality time with her. I'm glad that Jennifer is leaving the deadbeat. He's just causing confusion and frustration at this point and contributing no value.

[@babybookworm003]

Given the update I’d say nah as it sounds like ops wife was trying to talk her friend out of an abusive situation

[@StefenBruh]

It's NTA. even if you're doing something good, you can't take advantage of someone to do it. They all took advantage of OP. he literally did nothing wrong. If he's raising someone else's kid, why isn't he allowed to fuck her mom? Oh right, because THATS too far. Fucking women dude.

[@Chickenfriedpenguin]

@@babybookworm003does that mean she cant do anything but sit around the house and pawn her kid of?

[@robertx8020]

@@Chickenfriedpenguin What can she do? she has no money as her husband controls it all. So kick her out and let her be homeless?

[@Chickenfriedpenguin]

@@robertx8020 dunno offer to watch the kids while OP and his wife go on a date night or something. anything really.

[@LukeStonePharmD]

OP in Story 1 is the GOAT. Whether or not one could argue that he's doing the right thing or not, he's doing the BEST thing he can do. His example likely saved the wife and child from literal torture and abuse.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

right, but he has just doubled the problem. He is now responsible for, not only, the extra kid but her mother too. This, in all likelihood, will not end well.

[@diarradunlap9337]

It will be good ONLY if he gets them OUT of his house and on their own as safely and swiftly as possible.

[@haroldvazquez]

Stop just stop he's not the goat smh.

[@christinaluna2055]

1st story why did she have a child with a man like that? OP needs to shut this down now the mother needs to get 2 jobs and leave the loser and get child support this is her responsibility to better her life

[@roflcopter804]

How's he the GOAT? He was upset that he's raising someone else's kid and now they're literally living in his house. Now imagine the conversation he's going to inevitably have with his wife when they're still there several months later with no hint of moving out anytime soon. The OP will be a monster for "throwing them out on the streets"

[@josiemorgan6567]

My Grandma and Grandad had an extra one every weekend. He was like the son they never had because his dad wasn't that interested in Dadding this kid. He went on to become a Dentist. Not only did my grandmother NEVER pay a penny for dental work until she died at 97 but she also never needed false teeth. Our family friend came to visit Grandma EVERY Thursday for lunch which he brought with him.

[@maximillian1109]

This is how my family worked as well. My childhood bff lived with us all summer if she could, and stayed over for xmas because her single dad just was not present enough and her mom moved really far away to be with a guy. I think my parents were more of a mom and dad to her than her own.

[@erasus0307]

Story 1, I get it I've gone thru this with my sister inlaw. I played dad to my oldest niece and now getting stuck doing it with my newest niece. It sucks, having all the responsibility with none of the perks.

[@Germania72]

Story 2: A 2-year mistake, plus an on-off relationship with the AP after OP's parents divorced. So he got his cake and now that his hunger was satisfied, he wants to go back to his wife. Smh

[@chamab.6800]

Story 1: I feel like Harper’s dad has it in him to be physically abusive. Folks are over every weekend? Avoiding home?

[@WaitingxInxSilence]

I don’t know how OP was surprised that living with an aggressive alcoholic was dangerous. It’s beyond time for a legal intervention. It’s difficult and dangerous to leave an abusive relationship. Was OP thinking he’s just send the kid back to that house and be done with it?

[@abelink9229]

@@WaitingxInxSilence That should be OP's wife's problem, not OP's. She poured family resources into an endless abyss for seven years and only now Jennifer is considering separation?

[@MarkNarrations]

Happy Saturday all, wishing you a wonderful day full of.........wonderful..ness?

[@juanhaines7295]

Happy Saturday to you as well.

[@i_dot_n_hot7291]

Happy Saturday Mark! Hope you have a wonderous day as well.

[@pattyslater514]

It is a Happy Saturday here in a hot, (a little)smoky Toronto as it's my son's six month anniversary from his double lung transplant!!! ❤🫁❤

[@jake8748]

Happy Sunday! (40mins late to still be Saturday for me lol)

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Have a good weekend m8🤗🤗💜💜

[@fleacythesheepgirl]

Story 1 OP: I just want some time alone with my family OP: Update they’re moving in. NO🤦🏽‍♀️ literally the opposite of what you needed. This poor doormat of a man…

[@sugakookie7985]

This is the moment he lost his family, but then it was inevitable his wife clearly loves the woman more

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

Story 2 Folks defending the cheater and trying to justify it? Yea, you tipped your hand. It just shows that you’re more than willing to cheat in your own relationship. Guaranteed they wouldn’t say stuff like that if they weren’t anonymous though

[@samoanjoseph1457]

The fact that the girls are best friends, to me, matters more than the wives being best friends. What does OP's wife do to contribute to Harper's life, other than expect OP to do so? Sounds like Jennifer would be better off getting a new man entirely. Or possibly even going it alone, if the guy she has already isn't helping, there wouldn't be much difference.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 2: I have always felt that if you are so attracted to someone else that you're seriously even considering cheating, I'd prefer you leave me for them entirely and spare me the humiliation of being cheated on. Cheating itself is such a deal breaker for me that if I found out about it, I couldn't stay with that person. And if you're so careless as to let me find out, then you didn't put in the effort of hiding it, meaning you don't care enough about me to even conceal it well. All of which adds up to we don't need to be together and you could have saved us both a lot of trouble if you'd left in the first place. I won't say cheating means you don't love your partner at all, but I will say it means you don't love them ENOUGH. That's why it's called cheating. You either aren't supposed to do it, or aren't supposed to get caught.

[@eldeano9964]

Story 1: why didn't op's wife tell him what was happening instead of sleeping in the guest bedroom? I wonder if harpers' dad will have a shocked pikachu face, when he's told that he isn't walking her down the aisle?.

[@fknappers2770]

Are you sure about that?

[@thunderkrux7745]

Right now he’s probably thinking “all right, more of my money for me!”… at least until the courts tell him to pay for child support

[@user-sk2ij7mo6y]

Story 1 NTA BUT I would definitely be sitting Jennifer down and getting a workable plan from her on when and how she is going to get her stuff together so they can move out otherwise he now has two wives and two kids to take care of and that is not fair or reasonable for the long term.

[@fknappers2770]

And Jennifer needs to start treat op as her husband.

[@McAnik-uo1ol]

Exactly. Two families to support. Two wives with kids in tow. He only gets to sleep with one (if he doesn't upset her by speaking up) who pushes him around and another just taking up space. Move out OP.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

Story 1: With the update, we are being told that Jennifer ALSO saw the problem with her kid expecting someone else's dad to buy her gift. I'm glad she left. The father was not financially contributing to the daughter's expenses. Now that Jennifer has child support, OP will hopefully eventually have a more appropriate relationship.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I'm glad the friend and kid got out of that situation. Good they all communicated to OP what's really going on and they're all on the same page now.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: NTA, unless the wedding took place on his custody time or he was still paying alimony (AKA spousal support), it is none of his business. The worst part is the "I want to get back with your mom", as he is still dating another woman/women. Story 2 (update): This is called cheater logic, they use it to justify their AHery. The truth is everyone is perfectly capable of controlling their urges (assuming they aren't extremely drunk, high, or have brain damage), yes all people have attractions to other people, but most people don't act on those urges (this includes men and women).

[@ajb7530]

Great answer. I myself control myself because I don't want to lose the best woman in the world to me.

[@crowdemon_archives]

@@ajb7530 Or just basic decency in general.

[@leegraves8878]

I hope op gets they are never moving out so he still gets to pay for deadbeats whole family.

[@TheKnightofAwesomeness]

Yeah, I just smh his situation actually got worst, dudes a Doormat because now he's essentially paying for 2 families

[@lidkagatarek3023]

Divorce will made deadbeet pay alimony and child support so it will improve girls finance

[@LT-hg7fc]

Story 1: The only person that will suffer if the hubby stops taking Harper is Harper. So sad all around.

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 1- OP kinda reminds me of my dad. He’s super involved to the point that he usually ended up coaching or being on the board for all our activities. My dad has also been forced into the role of a father figure for a friend of my sister who has an alcoholic father. While it’s not easy, it’s not the child’s fault and they will remember when they get older who was there. If it’s a problem you need to talk to the wife and friend when the kids aren’t around about what’s bothering you so you didn’t make the kids feel bad about it.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

Story 1. NTA, everyone is enabling the deadbeat dad, but the OP is the one bearing the brunt of it. But do NOT confront him. He is not your family. Jennifer is being a poor mum, your wife is being a poor partner and mother. One day, their own child will notice that they can't get any moments alone with their own dad. The people encouraging him to think of Harper are not thinking of anyone else in the story.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Story 1: NTA. The wife needs to stop accomidating Jennifer and actually help her leave that waste of space that is Harper's sperm donor. Also.... someone needs to knock so.e sence into said sperm donor and get him to either step up .

[@gordybrown3667]

Could have at least waited for the update to comment that

[@ashemabahumat4173]

The dad needs step up in a situation like that, have the shit beat outta him till he gets it, not to take the kid. That's just ruining her chances at a normal life, validating the mother's role in this, and spits g the father who would likely get worse from it all even if he ends up regretting it for the right reason. It just makes a single parent household without trying to fix the issue, which is more detrimental to a child growing up

[@Red-jt6uu]

Story 1: This isn’t going to end well. Jennifer will not want to leave and, when OP finally does manage to get rid of her, she will try to sue him for child support.

[@BW022]

Bingo. OP is upset that he's raising someone else's kid and now he's raising someone else's kid, financially responsible for him, emotionally blackmailed, financially supporting someone else's wife, etc., etc. Here's a novel idea. Serve your wife with divorce papers, move out, stop supporting her, and include a separation agreement which gives you 50/50 visitation. Then you get to spend time with your daughter and not someone else's kid. Or your wife can find someone else to be a father to two single mothers, or she can understand the issue and focus on her marriage and kids. OP won't of course. The fact he put up with it for 8 years is clearly a sign of that.

[@andysheepleton]

@@BW022 💯

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

The moment he said Jennifer and child were moving in I knew any picture he had of a life with HIS wife and child was over. He needs to put safeguards in place (money aside in a separate account) for the future to be for his family alone or for his eventual single life. He won't even be able to enjoy vacations with his wife and daughter alone anymore. I wonder if his wife realizes she may be setting herself for her own divorce.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: NTA for not wanting to parent a lazy deadbeat’s kid while he gets the rewards of your hard work - but just man up and say no. If your only day with your daughter is on Saturday, say Harper can come on Sundays, or can only come once a month. If she wants to go to the zoo with you, her parents need to pay admission, food, etc. Stop buying Mother’s Day gifts, dance classes, and so on. You’re right, it’s not your responsibility to raise her (though I feel bad for her, her dad is crap and her mom isn’t much better, enabling the dad and dumping her daughter on you). It IS your responsibility to use your words like an adult and set (then maintain) boundaries.

[@daveo1808]

OP, constantly supporting everyone at all times. Hopefully he figures it out before the end

[@madarawijerathne276]

I wouldn't like to share my father with some other girl than my own siblings too. Op's daughter too probably like to have her dad for herself

[@libertyblake873]

Story 1: dance is expensive! Equipment, costumes, time. When it is recital time are you expected to pay for the costumes for both girls? Who buys the tickets for the performance? Who gets a father's day gift from the extra child? How about birthday & Christmas present?

[@lalayastill610]

people who stay in abusive relationships "for the kids" don't understand the extra damage they're causing. It's not noble and it's not helping

[@gigga143]

S1: NTA. You need to put your foot down. If you want to take Emma to the zoo, just take her to the zoo and let Harper stay with her mother. you should have told her you couldn’t buy a present for her mother. you should stop paying for the dance class, or let your wife pay for it out of her money. you need to just stop taking Harper with you and you need to talk to Harper’s mother and tell her that you are no longer willing to take care of her all the time. maybe continue sleeping in the guest room while only taking your daughter out on outings so your wife can see her not wanting to address this with you at all is your last straw, and maybe suggest marriage counseling if she is still unable to hear you but you have to put your foot down or you’ll be taking care of this child til she’s 18, or as long as you stay married.

[@hvymax]

OP should move them all in and demand Sister Wives Rights!!!

[@christopherdaniels5954]

Anyone else find it weird that the wife volunteered her husband for this for over seven years gave him no deeper explanation as to why then gets angry at him when he gets tired of it? I get shes helping a woman in need but if you're going use the husband as much as they have at the very least give a full explanation.

[@sugakookie7985]

I think the women are lovers and he'll end up getting the boot

[@hilaryc3203]

Bad move for moving the family into OPs house, once in, they will over stay and out stay their welcome and relationships will be ruined. The grandparents should have taken them in.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

Story 1: the update was awful. Poor OP, now he’s going to be forced to be a father to someone else’s kid 24/7 for the rest of his life. They need to have a plan in place for them to move out in 3 or 6 months. There is a decent chance this is going to end up damaging OP’s marriage.

[@tallyp.7643]

The wife's savior complex and habit of "volun-telling" OP to do for everyone else tells me she probably doesn't care she's hurting her marriage. Everyone's happy in her head, and she's forgotten her husband ages ago. I'm guessing he's the paycheck who will have to pick up the slack and work long hours to feed everyone, pissing the wife off b/c he's never home (never mind that money doesn't just make itself) and making his kid sad. Ugh.

[@sfsin3380]

@@tallyp.7643 Look again wife isn't volun-telling OP never actually says anyone (except Emma who is a child) asked him for any of the things he was doing. He says he offered because it makes sense, I had to or it wouldn't be fair. In the comments he also dismissed even any option that took any of the workload/expense off him. It came off to me that OP is a help martyr. He offers and insists but then get annoyed about it. (It's a common toxic mom tactic). Odds are even if the offer he won't accept any money from Jenifer or wife for the stay while feeling bitter that they're not contributing

[@BruinPhD2009]

Just because I love a good shady conspiracy, anyone else wondering what the wives were doing while OP was watching the daughters? Is this the first step to building an art studio in what used to be an office? Inquiring (and admittedly silly) minds want to know. 😊 On a serious note, I was bothered by OP's willingness to take on the "bad guy" role in his update. His bad timing, his bad communication, etc. Something about that just didn't sit well with me and makes me feel like 10 years from now, he'll be wondering why he's paying college tuition for a kid that's not his. Oy...

[@jake8748]

While I don't think there's anything shady, I do get some wierd feeling that situation might end up more long-term and wouldn't be at all surprised if it ended up in a poly relationship lol. Also OP better be careful of Jennifer's ex, he said he's that toxic masculinity type guy and I imagine he's not going to take it well once the criticism flows back at him. Gets into an argument with someone who throws back the fact his wife left him and moved in with another man who's also been raising his daughter for years wont go down well. I think his comment about the timing and wording was just based on it literally being the worst time it could have come up due to what Jennifer just disclosed to his wife.

[@las9582]

Yeah I was wondering that too. Seems like the moms get and want all the alone time together.

[@randomusername3873]

Isn't It really convenient that the moment Op decides to reduce the help, after 7 years, suddently the husband is abusive and they need housing?

[@ScooterBond1970]

ART ROOM (sry, couldn't resist 😁)

[@kronos0316]

Story 1, the problem people are not seeing is they are at his house ever weekend. That alone would make me get a divorce. Letting them move in was a mistake he will have a hard time getting them out.

[@fknappers2770]

And his deadbeat of a wife will side against him

[@jennywhite2462]

Story 2 my Dad was a serial cheater. I couldn't even tell you the amount of affairs he had. He left my Mom for his last mistress. He and she did us a massive favor my Mom is better off without him. We are better off without him. He at least has the decency to not blame my Mom for his appalling behavior. He knows he is the reason we cut all ties with him. Sounds like OPs Dad is delusional and out of touch with reality.

[@Streetwisefirst]

Story 2: I say sometimes people are serial cheaters and sometimes they only cheat once. Depending on who they cheated with a co-worker, their female best friend , my best friend, or family member. Hell no I wouldn’t forgive them. With a stranger maybe I can’t say. But I don’t think it has to do with love and more so with respect. The cheater doesn’t respect the relationship or the partner. I think if the cheater takes 100% accountability, couples therapy, cuts the affair partner out of their life, and signs a post-nup with a cheating clause. I think they can move on. But it’s up to the person who got cheated on. There are couples and once partner has cheated and they were able to move forward with no more issues or future cheating.

[@maximillian1109]

Story 1: I feel conflicted on this. Like on one hand, I do understand why you would nit wanna provide for a kid that has nothing to do with you, but on the other hand... My parents always feed and acted as emotional support to any friend me and my siblings had that had it rough at home. I was raised with this "it takes a village" mentality, and cutting out a child in need like that just feels kinda cruel to me. This is more of a judgement on OPs character though, not the moral issue, so I dunno.

[@jablue4329]

OP finally realizes he's been an enabler for Harper's deadbeat Dad. At least he's make steps for change. And I'm getting reeeeal tired of this "stay together for the kids" bullshit.

[@paden1865able]

It's better for the kids if their parents split instead of keeping them in a toxic atmosphere.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

The change was just worsening the situation. Now he has someone else’s kid and their mother in his house 24/7.

[@diarradunlap9337]

​@@stirlingarcher7972 I agree with you. OP needs to give his wife an "out" date for her friend and friend's daughter to be in their own place. If his wife won't agree to this, he should quietly prepare to divorce her

[@Mglay556]

There is always assholes on Reddit who defend cheating. They suck so god damn hard. If you wanna go looking around, leave your spouse. That’s it. You can not have it both ways.

[@MrSupernaturalLife]

I think OP wanted to vent in Reddit, but not dip out on Harper's life He was kind enough to be there for Harper (for 7 years), he had a moment where he felt taken advantage of by Harper's parents. Like any sane person, he questioned if letting a deadbeat stay a deadbeat was best for his family and Harper. Wanting to vent about a situation caused by someone else's bad choices is natural. But from my experience, it is people like OP and his wife who don't drop the ball, especially when an innocent kid is involved.

[@marywray6046]

People like this make generous people stop being generous, bc they don't appreciate it, they feel its their due simply bc they were born. Like the mother opening her legs is some big achievement

[@AryonaSamoto]

Story 1: I think OP is being used more and more and his feelings are being ignored completely. I understand that things are bad for the friend but moving everyone into his house when he's already stated his feelings tells me that his feelings don't matter. It's great that they are getting out of that situation but there had to be another solution. They're never leaving his house and I think we'll get a post in a few years asking for advice on how to get them out or for help with a divorce. Story 2: I'm so sorry for OP but she's lucky she has such a wonderful mom. My dad(co-dependant people pleaser) was constantly cheating on my mom(my mom is abusive and has BPD) so I understand OP's anger. It's really difficult to rebuild faith in people after growing up in volatile circumstances. I hope OP is getting counseling as well. That broken trust can really wreak havoc on ones mental health.

[@katiekates4416]

Im loving all the different backgrounds. They all have unique vibes but they're cozy as well

[@Amna613]

S1: Recipe for disaster. The friend moving in with her kid who already views OP as a dad, may have sinister ideas.

[@a_noelle8595]

Absolutely. A man who was tired of parenting an additional child occasionally has now accepted responsibility for a second family. I don't understand he could see this as a good thing. I understand the desire to help but this is a bushel of red flags.

[@Reality_TV]

People cheat because they love themselves more than the person they're with!

[@draconisdragonheart4248]

Story 2: Funny how dad forgot he took marriage vows.

[@myroc1]

My Dad started holding NASCAR Sunday with friends of his. They were all divorced dudes with kids and they'd all bring them over every Sunday and my Mom would have to run a small daycare. She started just making plans to be out every Sunday and NASCAR Sunday died. NASCAR Sunday was a barrier to some of those kids being with their dads not a way for them to find a better bond with my mother.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "Jennifer is my best friend and we need to be there for Harper" You know who else needs to be there for Harper? Her _dad,_ and yet he's not being held to _nearly_ the same standard as Op is.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: NTA Tell wife that if she is so worried about Jennifer and Harper, then she can go move in with Jennifer and Harper and take care of them, while you take care of YOUR daughter, not someone else's.

[@fknappers2770]

And finds himself a new wife. One who really loves him unlike the one he"s married to now.

[@randomusername3873]

So it went from "I fell like I'm being taken advantage of" to "I'm actually letting them leave him my house" Good luck😂

[@veezopolis]

There's a big moral difference between raising another man's kid and providing shelter to battered women

[@TheKnightofAwesomeness]

​@@veezopolis Yeah now he gets to provide for both the child and her mother full time

[@Chickenfriedpenguin]

@@TheKnightofAwesomeness now the friend doesn't have to travel to OP's house she can wake up and do fuckall while op takes care of her kid.

[@tallyp.7643]

@@Chickenfriedpenguin I imagine we'll get another post in 6 months asking how the heck to get them out of his house because suddenly Jennifer's trying to lean on him emotionally, too, and starting to act like she wants him to be her husband while the wife pretends nothing is wrong (or is oblivious). Grr...

[@randomusername3873]

And I bet the battered woman will suddently start parenting her daughter, she won't keep relying on the op to do her job, right?

[@telinhajp]

Good morning, Mark and Poppy! Wishing you a joyful weekend! ❤️🤗

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey hey Telinha hope all is well!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@darklord9956]

S1 I'm glad op is a bigger person and after update his wife reaction is a little more understandeble i think its good that everything worked out in the end

[@axepagode33626]

Taking care of someone else's kid story: I can't wait to see what happens when OP comes into the kitchen and sees both of his "women" preparing a meal and he kisses each of them on the cheek and says, "Two wives and two daughters. Life has certainly gotten more interesting."

[@LoveK1]

Hahaha, please. He’s going to be the one making dinner. There’s no benefit to this situation for him. Your scenario is pure fantasy.

[@axepagode33626]

@@LoveK1 Or not.

[@VorenusXIII]

@@LoveK1 Correct. Simps never have happy endings. That's what makes them simps. I predict OP's wife and her "friend" will move into the bedroom while OP sleeps on the couch wondering what happened to his marriage.

[@gks9149]

@@VorenusXIII I predict the bestfriend will try to ruin their marriage and make him her husband and then the wife will then realise how stupid she was

[@britnicox3929]

1: I’m so glad that mature communication fixed the situation for these two and they were also able to help Jennifer and Harper - but the actual problem probably isn’t going to be solved; if the dead beat is too broke to help while married it’ll be worse after they go thru a divorce… 2: “Dedicated to win her back“ as if she didn’t just literally get married to another man - I know he doesn’t value the vows of marriage but she clearly does. I also hope that OP is able to cut off contact with him as soon as she turns 18. I’m just sad that she had to see adults defend cheating to her and justifying the pain her dad caused her mom at her age.

[@toothless3835]

Comments defending the dad's cheating and the dad saying that all men cheat. What a piece of trash. It's insulting to men to say that they have urges they can't control. That they're just animals of instinct. You don't love someone if you cheat on them. If you did, you wouldn't cheat. You have no respect for the person you cheat on. No love. They're just a possession to you. Cheaters deserve nothing less than to be kicked to the curb by their partner. Always. The ones who try to make it work are fooling themselves because once a cheater always a cheater in that relationship. They will never change because they know their partner will take them back. Those who stay because they're afraid of retaliation or in a toxic/abusive relationship need help to handle it. But cheaters are awful.

[@gks9149]

Story 1: I can't believe the amount of guilt tripping from the commentators. it is not OP's job or responsibility to look after Harper. The wife is delusional and is thinking about everyone but her own family and husband. Her Best friend is now living in her house and her husband is now a full time dad to her child. I can predict how this will end up. the best friend will never move out and the dad will be tired of raising and providing for a single mom and a child that is not related to him. and the best friend will most probably develop feelings for him because he is "everything she needs in a man". OP will either cut them off or slowly develop feelings/affair with the best friend because the wife is too dumb and too dismissive of his concerns and only then the wife will realise what a big mistake did she make in accepting another woman and her child in your house and make her own husband father her child! I would PAY to see an update on this!!

[@MrBrachiatingApe]

Or Jennifer and the wife will hook up, force OP to move out, and both will sue him for child support...leaving Harper's biological father off the hook entirely, of course. In 10 years time, OP will be cowed into paying double university tuition for his daughter and Harper, both of whom will have been alienated into hating him.

[@a_noelle8595]

Yep

[@ginathecookie]

S2: Nope. He already knew. You just confirmed. Warn your mom he knows and then stay NC with him. Document things, the both of you/all of you. In case you need to get a restraining order and check where the leak (of him seeing the photos) came from. Block him and whoever spread it, change settings if need be.

[@gigga143]

S1: after the update OP is still stuck taking care of this other kid but now full time, poor guy…

[@a_noelle8595]

And the kids mother too. He's doubled his full responsibility. I don't see any scenario where this ends well.

[@malayshamorgan3918]

Story 2 update: So what’s even the point?? He wants to get back together with ops mom but admits that he’s still going to cheat on her down the line, what is she getting out of this?

[@LilFeralGangrel]

story 2: cheaters are so annoying. why don't they understand that certain things cannot be amended. sometimes damage cannot be fixed. edit: this man is so irrational, good lord.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

@@F40PH-2CAT RIGHT!? he made that choice, why can't he accept that he made that decision?

[@henryzellman]

Story 2: " Hello, consequences? Is that you?" "Yeah, jackass, it's me."

[@standinthegsp6858]

Tell your wife that you decided to go for full custody of Harper since neither Jennifer nor her husband are good parents. That means Jennifer will give up all custody. Tread carefully Op, Jennifer may decide she’d be a better wife than your own is.

[@sugakookie7985]

No worries there the two women will probably boot him when he becomes troublesome asking them to move out it'll be him moving

[@roronoazoro276]

Story 1 = OP you are in even worse position than before and now you are taking care of that entire family instead of just 1 more child.😂😂😂😂 May be it's time for you to set some boundries and grow a backbone to say no to your wife and stay firm on what you don't want to do. Feeling sorry for you OP

[@messinalyle4030]

The dad in the second story is obsessed with controlling everyone else except himself.

[@ian7064]

Story 1: so basically the OP got guilt tripped into continuing to do whatever his wife wants and support two new people in their home. He should keep the number for that U-Haul truck for himself

[@mamm7223]

The minute I heard that Jennifer was staying for long periods on weekends and bringing Harper with her, I KNEW the husband/deadbeat Dad was not only a total AHole he was also abusive. That, followed by "he drinks all weekend and watches TV" ...yeah. She was trying to avoid the violence at home. Who knows what Harper had gone through, or witnessed. OP was the first time she got to experience what a normal. loving father was like, and what it was like to feel safe. As long as she and her Mom were there at OP's house, they were safe from her Dad. I know how that feels. I came from a seriously dysfunctional family,. I was always thrilled when one of the adults around me included me in their family outings with their children. It was the only time I experienced what it was like to be in a normal family, and feel safe and free to just be a kid. I know how much OP's excursions meant to Harper, and she will never, ever forget those times or OP. OP and his wife are wonderful human beings.

[@DeeBraynt2010]

No one said OP was the sharpest tool in the shed. Rather than gripe about Jennifer and Harper needing his help so much, he should have been asking 'how do we get them away from that household and somewhere safe?' Everything he was griping about was a Red Flag with the words 'Jennifer's 'husband' is an abuser' stamped on them in capital letters.

[@radish6740]

I don’t want to raise someone else’s kid so I moved her in?! Zero empathy for what will certainly be a clusterfck.

[@artygirl66]

Story 1. Nta. Have Jennifer divorce the deadbeat so he can pay for his child with child support and then suggest to your wife they become sister wives since she's okay with you playing daddy to her best friends kid too anyway. All sarcasm and jokes aside, it's a sucky situation to be in since you don't want to hurt the girls' feelings, but you deserve to spend time with just your family/daughter one on one instead.

[@LISA75_]

Story 1 , welcome to the sister-wife but with none of the so-called benefits lol , the guy has jumped from the frying pan into the fire , his wife's friend and kid are never leaving , there will always be a reason why she cant.

[@laurieanncox7844]

I kind of look at it is that that little girl will look back on this and know that this is how you should be treated, not the way your deadbeat dad does things. You might not be her father, but she will think of you fondly always. When she has children she will tell stories of her childhood with her best friends dad.

[@JstMee2]

I don't normally comment but I've been subscribed for ages & I really love your channel, you do a great job!! THANK YOU for all your hard work!! 😊🥰

[@paperkay]

I almost cried during that comments on S1, that some people help so many children by taking on the role of parents. I haven't witnessed it, but I have heard about it, about households that somehow adopt, unofficially, whole generations, and that's the house people who later reminisce think of as home.

[@gailboyd3585]

Father/Daughter relationship is very important for both. Having 1:1 activities with own daughter are memories made forever. Best friend/wife take care of Harper when father takes his daughter out for their special day. Be sure put time limit/signed agreement by "friend" when she must Move Out also $$ to pay towatds utilities, food, damages and must participate in house cleaning!! Folks often start doing what they did before they get want they wanted and will take you for granted as a fool to scam you again!!

[@richardwani2803]

Story 2 the father sounds very unhinged

[@amandaruhoff3671]

Good morning! And Happy Saturday to you Mark! Early on while making waffles for my little. What a coincidence! I always love listening when cooking or doing chores.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Aw

[@gcarr1089]

Story 2 - father cheated on wife, then says he wants her back but continued to have a relationship with affair partner. He is only upset mum didn't fall on her hands and knees begging him to take her back. Glad she found a better partner.

[@pettyjones]

Went from trying to get away to moving the kid in 😂😂😂

[@khughes9574]

S2: OP should check with the family attorney or family court system if she can stop visiting her dad now.

[@jameshutchinson2817]

Oh christ this poor fella was tired of being saddled with another man's kid and now he's stuck with another man's kid and wife. I really don't see this ending well and it's f*ed up that jennifer is making her problems his and that his wife is not only allowing but encouraging it. This will lead to resentment from the husband and I wonder if when he leaves will jennifer also attempt to sue him for child support for her kid. With our p.o.s court system it wouldn't surprise me if she won.

[@BraveryWing26]

The first story ended well, and took a lot of unexpected turns. I liked it.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

Why people are defending OP's dad cheating? Gross !!!! The dad is a sexist AH, and OP's mom deserves happiness and better without him

[@katekelley955]

Story 1: My son's best friend practically lived with us. His family was well-meaning but chaotic and he became my extra child. I didn't have an abundance of money (single mom, teacher) but I paid for him to go everywhere we went. I'll never regret any time or money I spent to benefit a child.

[@NikitaHunt]

You beautiful person ❤

[@josephmckee3605]

Op1 had a communication issue it sounds like he really didn't mind at first but it slowly built over time into an expectation, a little gratitude and asking counts for a lot, i'd do something gladly after being asked to do it and agreeing but dig my heels in if its just presumed i'd do

[@camwyn256]

2 years of cheating isn't "a mistake"

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

That guy whose parents were like parents to everyone: they CHOSE to do that, it wasn’t IMPOSED on them! This is NOT a comparable situation.

[@ByrdieFae]

As for the S2 OP's question: while can't answer definitively if one can cheat on someone and still love them, I think someone can easily mistake entitlement or obsession for romantic love. I think that may be the case with the dad here. So that kind of makes the question inapplicable. (TL;DR: he doesn't love her at all in the first place, IMHO)