I Won't Reason with my Kids

Here’s some advice for any parents out there, when you walk into a confusing situation, never ask “What’s going on.” TRUST ME!
#JimBreuer #StandupComedy

[@k-807]

2019- I googled park and it said closed 2020- true story 😂

[@jenniferbates2811]

I used to do this with my kids too!🤣

[@mackfarlainethebarenakedau5113]

Did he just predict coronavirus?😄

[@fuckgoogle8857]

To soon bro to soon

[@monicadelisle7832]

sad isn't it?

[@k-807]

@@monicadelisle7832 very.

[@jadakid6942]

Pretty standard material, but his energy and delivery make it seem like it’s the first time hearing a comedian talk about it. And it’s friggin hysterical.

[@themaggattack]

He portrayed it as the chaos that it is. One can't simply get use to that type of chaos.

[@johnstitt2615]

WhatAWorld exactly. Yeah...drink anyone ?

[@some1350]

Agreed the delivery was excellent. Especially the 'whats going on' situation.

[@Espressoqueen9894]

Just love how he said it was great day just walk into... Lmao

[@pichass9337]

meh

[@Brandonmtlhd]

"I don't know where you get it from, certainly no one in this house!" I see what he did there.

[@cagedblaze]

Nice little implication

[@ABW941]

?

[@mr.smithgnrsmith7808]

Yeah dude no shit…that’s the joke

[@GH-bg7dw]

@@mr.smithgnrsmith7808 EXACTLY

[@GH-bg7dw]

@@ABW941 Out of control like Dad on stage! LOL That was perfict!

[@aaronr5709]

Jim deep inside you want to be a metal vocalist. Your band would be killer!

[@henrlima87]

I saw a bit from him, or i think it was him, where he admits hes a metal head and does some great impressions. Fun stuff

[@tylermrhandon]

He’s got a thrash “dad band” their pretty awesome. I saw him preform with them a few years ago.

[@axelwulf6220]

He does have a band, and he does rock out But he gets paid more for telling jokes

[@mattisixx1699]

Look up Jim Breuer and the loud and rowdy. The guitar player is metal Mike from the (metal hammer?) lesson column. They got a song called old school that is actually really fucking good

[@user-lf7nf3kl7t]

He's been doing that since the 90's or before. He's also been friends with a lot of famous metal bands. Past 2 years he's been the opener for Metallica's last tour.

[@auto_toons_official2423]

His wife impression sounds like spongebob yelling at squidward about getting a job

[@DivineMissMelMel]

He is such an underrated comedian! Love Jim! I can't this is so legit!

[@fglend73]

He’s not underrated at all. Clearly one of the best!

[@TheDustyin]

He is funny as heck him explaining how he came up with goat boy is hilarious and when he talks about going to the zoo and fighting an Ostrich

[@zac3392]

Underrated by whom? I’ve never heard anyone say he’s not any good…

[@gdawg4ever119]

I always give Jim a like no matter what. The guy stands for things when it’s not cool to do so. He is so much smarter than you may think.

[@tyloredinger4095]

For real tho. He's got that burnout look so he gets wrote off ss one hut he's incredibly smart. I loved his episode on Joe rogan. He just has some of the best delivery on jokes and he gets fully consumed in his stories its like you're there reliving it

[@gdawg4ever119]

@@tyloredinger4095 yeah he’s awesome and yes good episode on Rogan for sure 👍🏻

[@CrownedBrown]

Hey Jim! Love your material! You funny

[@jeremywilson637]

That’s probably the best lion roar I’ve ever heard, like insanely accurate lmao! Dudes talented 🦁

[@saltysergeant4284]

Too funny! You know, once you say "and a half" when counting, it's over. The child has won and they KNOW IT.

[@handlesaredumb1]

Once you start the counting BS it's over, they've won.

[@saltysergeant4284]

@@handlesaredumb1 nah, mom would really start getting the BIG wooden spoon wiith the hole in it when she said "oooooone.". By three, i was gone or doing what she told me to do. It was scary as a child....also, she NEVER used that spoon for cooking, EVER! I know it was for me, exclusively. Edit:typo

[@jamiem2885]

@@saltysergeant4284 😂😂😂😂😂 Same here

[@jamiem2885]

@@saltysergeant4284 I count at my dogs. When I say “get over here right now” and they ignore me. I start counting. I know they don’t know what it means but they usually come over before I reach 10. I just count and for whatever reason eventually they trot over like “what?”

[@tiffanyoates9856]

@@jamiem2885 hahaha they know the tone !

[@ECA2]

Once upon a time in America, parents gave an order and expected immediate compliance. Hesitation was grounds for swift and terrible wrath. Fear got things done. Love was earned by merit. Then someone who didn't have kids thought they knew best and changed everything. The end.

[@SochBharat]

This is top class. It's brilliant. And oh my what a performance. Just wow.

[@ShutUpCatProductions]

He really does a great impression of my Mom.

[@jesseknox9322]

So im going to be a parent for the first time and im just binging Jim videos because i can learn so much from this man lol

[@enry898]

Hows that worked out for you? I have 5 kids.........send help.....

[@andrewhawkins8616]

@enry898 Have you tried pressing the big, red button that's behind your refrigerator? The one that says, "Don't press this button"?

[@deirdremorris9234]

@@andrewhawkins8616 Ha!

[@junkyarddog4411]

This is how I imagine Chandler ten years after marrying Monica.

[@miken.2847]

Yes

[@somerandomarmydude]

Weren't Chandler and Monica brother and sisters on Friends?

[@jeremyfletcher6038]

Haha yes

[@johnnyv1982]

Who the F is chandler

[@Craig-wp3pz]

😂👌😂🤣😅👍 Perfect spot, can't unsee it now

[@danieldimas6160]

Dad: Honey can you just go clean the kitty litter and put your shoes on. Daughter: Okay daddy Mom: WHAT THE ACTUAL F____!!!!!! True story in most households.

[@DanielSan1776]

That’s a good name I approve

[@danalombardijr5563]

Sounds about right lol

[@taochi100]

It is that was in mine for sure

[@Nerdicronia]

@David Jones Nice bait.

[@Thetinebroken]

@David Jones damn it still no bites!

[@reneenordeen9447]

Jim Brewer is the all time king. Every single thing he's done, has been comedy gold.

[@jamesbarrett3149]

His goat man from SNL was hysterical. So relevant now...

[@polydimensionalsphilosophy3456]

Good writing and performance. Thank you for sharing. Relevant Hilarious

[@kRazoh89]

“WHATS GOING ON”.. Who else knew he was gonna say that? Lol

[@sunkid02]

i thought he was gonna say "what happened ?"

[@valm116]

I was sure he asked that )))

[@ToothHurtie230]

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant … I’ve broken up several lion feedings and it sounds just like that!!! How does he do it!!! Hahaha!

[@user-ij9me3bq2d]

I was very angry and upset, but I was dying of laughter after watching this. Amazing enerdy and work there.

[@davidbrandt6925]

I feel your pain I really, really do.

[@ninak8506]

Tears! Makes me laugh til I cry every time. Then... Omg I think that's me & my house 🤣

[@1metallica1dude]

Jim Breuer is not only a great comedian but an experience.

[@jesserichardson4900]

Legend.. his hungover dad bit is up there with hokey pokey

[@lb8825]

Pretty damn accurate, kids will make a mom lose her mind 😂

[@RageAgainstRustyCage]

"But Dad, the Games are Cancelled, due to Coronavirus!!!" So we're driving to the park...

[@AbysmalRapture]

Actually all the parks are close, at least around my house, because of the corona virus lol

[@ABW941]

Outside is cancelled!

[@juliejay5436]

Not WWE, it seems it is an "essential service" in FL.

[@nicholasorthodox]

Genius and real.thank you for what you add to my life jim. You'll never know \m/

[@danalombardijr5563]

LMAO this is literally my life with my wife and 3 daughters ...especially the kitty litter phone thing..soo good.

[@dgeneeknapp3168]

THREE girls? Lordy, your poor wife. I found out the hard way that girls are WWAAAYYY louder and harder to deal with (at least when they are little) than the boys. OMG...I know so many little girls that are only still alive, because the dad is completely wrapped around their pinkies. And the girls start talking earlier...NOT the great thing one might think.

[@juliantorres8818]

Now that is what you call Delivery in Comedy!👏👏

[@fernandopagan4384]

Thank you Jim for making me smile again God bless you and your family

[@Txaman88]

I'm spanish guy and I'm crying right now just laughing, this is real in every part of the world hahahaha

[@mertz7305]

WOW. That’s actually hilarious. Looks like I have a new SNL alum to binge now that Norms gone.

[@jaythebluegamer5922]

That's really how it be, tho! 😂

[@illiterit]

hahahaha Nonstop funnies. You're awesome Jim! Keep it real and real relatable, i don't even have kids yet.

[@hotarushidosha]

As always, Jim, freaking brilliant xD

[@willknox7273]

"whose shoes are these I'M THROWING THEM OUT!!!!"

[@gameracet]

Jim is a LEGEND

[@robertweekes5783]

The kitty litter! 🤣

[@Cryogenik_1]

Keep doin what you're doin Jim, been enjoying your comedy for over 20 years, introduced your acts to family n friends and its always a hit. Looking forward to seeing your next show around the Chicago area!

[@scott917]

I bet money - that actually happened, and happened in his house.

[@jenniferbates2811]

I remember those days with my kids!!

[@mikegonzalez9064]

If I close my eyes and listen, it's like I'm home 😅

[@bastlake]

Jim's wife is my new favourite metal vocalist

[@SunCrawler.]

This is so amazing!!

[@sivedan]

lol cheaper than therapy lol

[@joshuabartlett3589]

"What's going on?" Ahahahahahahaha

[@dgeneeknapp3168]

I thought he was going to say, "The natural question to walking in on something like this....what's for dinner?" That was my hubby. He KNEW what was going on. He KNEW his girl was the same sort to do insane things as he was...and is. He ALWAYS knew. He was ready for dinner after a long day.

[@mikegonzalez9064]

Man I have watched this countless times and it never gets old! It really is like this!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Not_Genie]

Hey Jim, huge fan great shit as always👍🏻

[@kaernonarnon9834]

So many memories of my childhood right now haha

[@tonytypesalot]

You know I'm not normally like this!🤣

[@rainbowsend6310]

Jim you are my hero!!!

[@michelewilliams4702]

Hahaha the lion roar was greatly done. 3:50

[@lahondafolk4334]

His microphone sound effects are the best part of his act.

[@tonyjones1560]

“Go to the park? Are you serious? That place is infested with monsters! Dude, we’d barely get outta the car…”

[@burningmarl5664]

That is one of many reasons I never wanted kids. You never know what you will come home to. It can ruin your great day or turn your already horrible day into a NIGHTMARE!!!!!

[@kentneumann5209]

Burning Marl - There is that down side to kids. The unknown. That is true. They have bad days and good days. Just like you do. And they trust you and depend on you to make it all better. The part you are missing out on is when you get home after one of your own shitty days, and they look up and realize you are back, and they are so overjoyed to see you that they light up in every aspect of their being and come at you at a dead run and with utter and complete trust that you will catch them, leap up into your arms and give you the biggest hug using every fiber of their entire body and being to do it. That's a genuine hug that comes from no other place than pure joy of seeing you. Its unconditional and its the truth. And I don't care how shitty your day has been. If your boss is a prick or your wife is a cunt or the judge just gave you 3O days... You will feel better about everything just cuz that little person reminded you how much you are loved. When they are sick and hurting and afraid and you reach down to feel their hot little fevered fore head... and they just relax and pull your hand down to their cheek and turn their head into your palm and let out a big sigh and let sleep take them... and even though you know you can slip your hand out and go do whatever else it Is you want to do and they will remain asleep... you stay there and let them snuggle your hand anyway, not just for them but for you too. When they reach up with their little hand and grab on to two of your fingers and say. "C'mon! Let's play!"... and tug your hand in their direction, it doesn't matter how busy your day is... You go play and get to know who this little kid is that loves you so much. You fear the part of giving of yourself. That their bad day will ruin yours. But it usually is that their good or bad day make your day better. The part you are missing out on is unconditional love and acceptance of you just for being you. But at least you know yourself well enough to know that you are not ready to have kids. Maybe never. Nothing worse for a kid than to feel that no one wants them. That's a bad feeling no matter how old you are. I'm not judging you or trying to change you. I'm just saying even though its a big responsibility, there is a rewarding side to it that goes along with the personal sacrifice.

[@laj2240]

No way!! It is all SOOOO worth it!! Went through a lot of this, yet you can never be whole without them anymore. They came with a load of love (yours for them) attached to their backs :) :) And it is overwhelming. Way greater than anything else that goes on.

[@burningmarl5664]

@@laj2240 Sounds like you love it. Good for you. It is not for me. I'm not saying NOBODY should do it. It is just not for me.

[@LastbutNotFirst]

i will have children if one day i am able to buy a plot of land with too much grass for me to mow on my own.

[@sasaki9825]

He should’ve been a metal singer! God bless!

[@breaking_bear]

Hahahahahahah! This is the greatest thing I've seen all week! Laughed till I cried.

[@dawson0610]

That whats going on comment is exactly what I have said many times so naturally I guessed it correctly. Thats hilarious!!!

[@jimwilloughby]

I've seen this bit before, and it's still as funny as it was the first time I saw it.

[@martinbrito7703]

hilarious, the best comediant 👍👏👏👏

[@howardharaway2259]

I just became aware of Jim Brewer last week I never heard of the guy and I having put my phone down ever since the guy is awesome is a good person to. So far I haven't heard him get political with his comedy which is a good thing.

[@LastbutNotFirst]

go listen to his story on comedy central show- THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. its hilarious. jim starred in half-baked with dave chapelle. awesome flick.

[@johnstitt2615]

Holy Fuck....100 percent accurate.

[@acutaboveessentialservices9629]

Absolutely brilliant

[@SallyWPM]

Basic of all Basics but he made it phenomenal.

[@rubendelgado1865]

of course it's about the delivery.....no ones gonna laugh at a normal situation w/o comedic embellishment......Jim is one of the best at this.

[@briansloops4724]

Hahaha I think the wife needs a bit of sleep and "oh look the park magically opened up again" save yourself kids! Mom comes running out, get back here! 5!!!!

[@nordicshredder4128]

jims impression of his wife sounds like spongebob

[@interstellardweller3928]

I always loved this guy.

[@axelwulf6220]

The energy this man has

[@jenniferisbell9629]

I told our sons that McDonalds was closed one day. They believed me 😂😂

[@michellehipps3937]

I can relate ! I have 4 girls. Once I told one of mine I was gonna count to 3 an she better move ! I said 1 ..2.. she said 3 an sat there with a smile on her face ! Kids never remmber the torcher they put you threw !!!

[@Takaichi666-]

Oh my god he’s hilarious hahaha!!!

[@starscream5263]

This is the funniest thing Ive seen in a while.

[@michaelboyle9512]

This guy... that's so real! This is why I'm a man going his own way and not dealing with this nonsense anymore... Jim your the king!

[@UsTheMusicTVOfficial]

Wow, dude was off the hook! I love it! Never knew he had so much damn energy! You know that kid/family material is just a war zone waiting to happen! :D

[@cozmicmojo2181]

Wow, this was brilliant. Really well written.

[@orlandomendes3616]

He is a genius!!!

[@jimschiltz5343]

Insanely funny!

[@brettlooney44]

Anyone else listen to his joke about the ‘park being closed,’ in 2020 and realize the irony?

[@CrashPCcz]

That didn't age well. 😂

[@HasekiHurremSultan13729]

There's still kitty dung in the kitty litter I CAN SMELL IT!!!!!!! #LMAO 😂

[@wr1039]

This is FUCKING HILARIOUS

[@Lost_Soul7711]

This is my life every day lol

[@wiidcat420]

Think I’ve lived every single conversation in that rant...I totally get why some people choose to live with a robot. 😂

[@stewarthuval9693]

There is still kitty dung in the kitty litter lmao

[@Jipposan]

This was a good prep for me, thanks. Now I know what is a head of me in the next 6 years or so :D

[@Oleg-Khalyutkin]

I'm dying🤣🤣🤣🤣👍👍👍

[@dgeneeknapp3168]

Every mom needs to be an ex (or present military sgt.) I handled our tot like I did the enlisted below me. If they acted right? All was super peachy. If not??? Ok, so "the sarge" is a different person...ENTIRELY. I start out asking nicely..."Hey, would you mind doing this?" Then I get more insistent. "I asked you to do this, and you havent. Do it...now." On the third? "Get over here and do this NNNOWWWW!" It comes right out of my diaphragm and I drop the voice to a lower pitch. I learned quickly, that our girl (like some of my troops) ONLY hear the 3rd version, so I skip number 2 entirely after a bit. I could just say that kid's name once, snap my finger and point beside me, and our 4 year old would come down from the play equipment she was on and report immediately. I saw moms yowling at the kids, climbing up 10 story play equipment and chasing kids around to leave. Hubby was so glad to have an ex military NCO in charge of his rug rat. He knows she got his tendency to be a miscreant. Oh, this works with the pets too. I used my sgt voice to teach a spoiled Boston Terrier to behave. The kid was 2 and learned to sit on command at the same time. All it takes is some base in the voice...and some pieces of turkey hot dog.

[@michaelscott181]

LOL hilarious!

[@fanduel6496]

Best comedian on the planet !!!!

[@chriskirsten8221]

hes still one of the best!

[@mrPauljacob]

That was simply amazing

[@jenfreedom9883]

Your wife is awesome!!😂

[@PleaseForgiveYourself]

never get married folks....and have kids...lol

[@branon6565]

Derrick sremog....like my Dad has told me since I'm 12yrs old or so: you're the most expensive accident I've ever had; if you ever want to be someone or own anything, DO NOT ever get married or have kids; kids are nothing but lifelong disappointment and debt....

[@jgarcia334]

@@branon6565 damn your pops was savage but honest.

[@jgarcia334]

I'm doing alright no kids and not marry everyone i know is either divorced and on child support.

[@themaggattack]

@@branon6565 Well bless your heart. Projecting all that deep seated worthlessness your dear old dad instilled in you.

[@MetalSStar196]

I'm not getting married anytime soon, but my cousins want me to do so AND help that future partner of mine pop kids. I'm betting dollars to donuts one of the births will be twins and my partner will tell me, "I told you my cut-off was 2 kids, remember?" That would be my dear friend, Carolyne, who desires to have kids as much as I do, but no more than 2 (I was hoping to have 5 kids to help manage a farm, as was the Hutterer tradition back in northern Austria.) Us farming types do have big families; that's why I have so many cousins in Torahna (Toronto in local-speak.)

[@Vadershake]

Unbelievably relevant to me....

[@oniondip243]

I freaking love you man. Just watched a timcast from last week and they mentioned you and we're floating the idea of a comedy skit show. I would be there to watch for sure. Blessing to you and yours! Let's go Brandon.

[@aforerunner1773]

Flashbacks of my own mother intensify

[@laj2240]

Funniest thing is: it's no news to any parent, not even much exaggeration, but you can see it calmly from the outside as it is being delivered to you, and it's a riot! :) :) :)

[@tommyt1971]

"What's going on?" Breuer becomes an instantaneous blood smear on the wall...

[@guesswho2827]

Love it !!!

[@ARIES5342]

Not too far from the truth! Adam