If He Gives You Mixed Signals Do This ONE Thing

[@BernMendez]

[Take The Free Quiz]: What's the #1 Reason You're Single: bit.ly/youresinglequiz

[@hermenahardy6008]

A❤❤❤❤

[@beautyshines2124]

Hot and cold person is immature and usually playing mind games. Just walk away from them.

[@grace4976]

Thank you. You are so right! Put my situation in check 👍

[@kellydevreese3944]

Exactly. This only works on honest people. Those who wanna play mindgames will just lie to you.

[@anshikasen4946]

Yes 100%

[@amoywaid8907]

I’m learning this the hard way

[@JPcommunicates]

They are acting on avoidant attachment style.

[@lc4972]

Yup. It works. Did just that. And cleared up the confusion enough so I walked. He said in the beginning that he wanted what I wanted but his actions through 5 months showed that he didn't want what I wanted. When I did as described he admitted that we weren't on the same page. So I left and found someone who was. I'd rather be single than with the wrong person. There are far worse things than being single!!!

[@BernMendez]

Grateful to hear you’re showing up for yourself. 🙏

[@HealingLuckyOfficial]

Good on you! Nothing worse than being with the wrong person.

[@whosyourdaddy4579]

Wow! That was quick!

[@roshandawalton8]

Mine same situation 5 months wanted what I wanted, I trusted it positive fun happy situation all up until this last month now I'm getting short text, 8 min phone calls, no energy, lots of excuses so for me I believe what u show. I've had enough. Proud you were able to walk away.

[@daniellefeller4845]

I just leave whenever I get mixed signals

[@GodHelpMe369]

When an emotionally broken man is using a woman, he’ll show these signs: - he avoids truly deep and emotionally vulnerable conversations - he's inconsistent - he only contacts you when he needs/wants something - he doesn't REALLY include you in his life (it's all an illusion/fantasy) - he avoids commitments/labels - he makes you feel guilty/crazy/needy - he doesn't truly support you or your goals (in any real and tangible way) So, 1) Never EVER be afraid of losing him. You are the Divine feminine. Let him fear losing YOU! 2) Have an EXTREMELY low tolerance for ANY bad behavior... AVOIDANT or NARCISSIST? Let's be real. It's irrelevant. They both behave the same. The damage they do is the same. The trauma they cause is the same. FUCK THEM BOTH. So, When there’s a disagreement, an argument, a conflict, some bullying, disrespect, boundaries being crossed etc... someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So, I engage in each and every situation in a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me, NEVER ENDS UP BEING ME! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose parts of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways. AND REMEMBER: to test if ANY relationship is healthy - you've got to judge the relationship on its bad days, not on its good ones!

[@Pinoyakarino]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@5D_Ski]

🎖️best KZbin comment ever! 🎖️👏👏👏

[@skylergrey8655]

❤❤

[@PP-xm4gx]

Amen, this is the post we needed!

[@nm9412]

I love your comment!

[@Freya-qu9wo]

Keep him guessing by marrying someone else.

[@BernMendez]

😂😂😂

[@rabim106]

😂😂😂😂😂Factz

[@WifeyWifey-v8u]

😂

[@lisayeoman_giggles.504]

🤣💀🙌🏻

[@lovenhzwill831]

👊👏👏

[@Hilary945]

If a man runs hot and cold, blocked and deleted!!!!

[@tamikasinclair5478]

Yes you are so right I'm so glad what I know now not worth my time it pisses me off sometimes but I got a good man now

[@SuperUranius]

I done all that eeventually, and still giving a chance , hope, and nothing happeneed still yet. NOTTHING. NOTHING. HE IS SO WHATSOEVER SO I AM TOO. WHATEVER BABY . JUST WHATEVER.

[@SuperUranius]

I dont wanna talk abt, think, feel, never never, I meant what I said last time, and dont have nothing to say never anymore or nothing to add on that, simply dont want and have nothing to say, I said all when I said, dont wanna even repeat that, i was clear then and said It all. I have my own life and my concerns, what he choose is his choice, i agree, accepted and cant do nothing abt it, and i will not do even nothing never again, what Ive done in past, i done too much, i dont have to say anything, do anything, he did nothing, so i will not do anything anymore, we are equal now, from me hes not geting even a Word, he didnt deserve from Me anything, he owe to me all, but its his choice to Go to "hell" with that debts towards me and towards god himself, if he wants and choose that its ok then. I gave him big rare ticket to life, even paradise, love, etc, and dont have nothing to give anymore. He only can give me - or not. Over and out from my talk.

[@fiftyandfab4242]

4 Initial Criteria - Need ALL (1) He Needs to know what he wants in a Relationship (2) Excited about Exploring Life Partnership with Me (3) Willing to Pursue Me (4) ABLE to Pursue Me

[@BernMendez]

Thanks for watching : )

[@jamieguerra3788]

If he disappears for weeks at a time just focus on you sis . A man that’s interested in you will let you know that you are his prize by actions not words. Words are never needed when there is action 😇

[@BernMendez]

Thanks for watching.

[@NMTDelightfulMusic]

He disappears to another supply :)))

[@303machine]

Same with women. If she is into you, there is no need for "game", she will be around you.

[@SR77736]

​@@303machine this is about men not women. 🙄

[@judyoliver3672]

​@@NMTDelightfulMusic on the walk about

[@Jules-740]

Wow this is gold! Excitement means nothing. Consistency is what matters.

[@BernMendez]

It's not that it means nothing but it's not the highest trait to look for ;) Thanks for watching and for your kind words.

[@Jules-740]

@BernMendez Yes I get that it isn't nothing. But in the big scheme of things... consistency takes priority. Thank you! It's just a great perspective shift!

[@Loveheartcorian]

​@@Jules-740Care & Respect are the highest traits to look for

[@karolinah12]

When you see a red flag, take it into account. It is real

[@BernMendez]

Yes : )

[@beautifulspirit2973]

I’ve met a wonderful man who is totally consistent after a period of dating a man who had been hot and cold for over a year. I now know what love really is. It’s actions not words. I so needed to hear this. Thank you !!

[@BernMendez]

You're welcome.

[@karolinah12]

If you have to ask, it is mostly a no but he was planning to use you in the meantime

[@LauraSchendel-ko1qk]

Dating a new man for a few weeks now. He has yet to ask me ONE SINGLE QUESTION about myself. I’m not stupid…he doesn’t ask because he isn’t interested in getting to know who I am.

[@nayjavu]

Run.

[@heatherbug265]

💯 exactly

[@kerrineawebb5464]

Perhaps narcissistic tendencies

[@anandanabila8439]

Yesssss me too I meet someone Long distance he never love bombe me but so cold and act not interested we was planing to meet in 2 months he said he want to get to know me because now he feel not a lot for me but he send just hey good night and when he call I feel he force himself to stay 10 minutes on a call so I said bye not for me I am not going to see someone far away if we don’t create any kind of deep communication

[@sunonymous1]

I dated a guy like this earlier this year. There was never one single question for me outside of ‘how are you doing’ or ‘what did you do today?’ One day I recited back every single detail I remembered about him. He couldn’t remember one thing about me. But that’s because he simply didn’t want or care to.

[@GR-rk2fi]

What I have learned the hard way: when a man really wants me he treats me like his queen and there is no doubt. When he stops that something is wrong, and mostly talking about it does not help much, because he is just not that into me (anymore). I would never try to fix a relationship with a man who is unsure about his feelings again, it's just a waste of time. Better move on.

[@karolinah12]

Very true, a man who is sure doesn't need prompting.

[@SR77736]

Ya he's not worth the effort.

[@pamelakapke62]

"Maybe does not mean yes" good one.

[@BernMendez]

Pamela, glad you enjoyed it : )

[@karolinah12]

People, the only answer you will get when you ask questions from an inconsistent guy is that he is not sure about you. The most obvious sign that he is not serious, is the hot & cold behaviour. Save yourself & walk.

[@marsvsvenus6256]

I got that he has to be ready. If he is not available because of restrictions and drama let him figure it out and sort it out because he isnt ready to move forward with you.

[@domt4588]

Yes! I definitely liked to be pursued. Too much hot and cold from this guy I started dating. I noticed I had no clarity,lacked consistency and I felt like an option. I saw signs too…he was not emotionally available. I walked. No more for me!!

[@BernMendez]

Dom, thanks for sharing. Glad you moved on 🙏

[@derriepage5934]

Just leave him alone.

[@BernMendez]

Thanks for watching.

[@MamaOle07]

😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[@naiyalexic]

I've begun to loathe "psychology" behind "dating." Plain language, no reverse-psychology BS, and if he can't use plain language and gestures like an adult, I have zero interest in making myself a more expensive commodity by falsifying scarcity, unavailability, aloofness, etc. Like, seriously, none of that sh*t. Just be real. Let's do this, if we're into each other.

[@Amanda-hp4nd]

When you end up here, deep down, you already know enough. 😂😂😂😂

[@ZFern9390]

So TRUE 😂

[@ShanediaD]

I need clarity 😂

[@spyroluver0951]

I find when I get needy, think about why he isn't responding, It's because i am not focused on my life. As soon as I am busy myself, the reply time doesn't matter.

[@mina8XO]

Yes!!!!!!!

[@debbiebramwell]

Amen sister !

[@SR77736]

Ttue but if he's taking a week to reply regularly that's obvious a red flag and it's ok if you notice that. Only if it's a pattern though. Not if it happened once for a good reason. Doesn't matter how busy you are. That's unacceptable.

[@milachyc88]

Completely agree with this tactic, being, clear, direct, it saves your precious time! Respect yourself! Thanks!

[@1sornram]

These messages is what I needed to hear. Can move on with empowerment now! Thank you 🙂

[@BernMendez]

You are so welcome!

[@karolinah12]

When a man is hot and cold he usually dates multiple women, and has no time to divide himself. When he is sure about his woman, she does not need to ask, she will hear it ! Dont have the talk, walk the walk .

[@SR77736]

This. I can vouch. A guy who was this way ended things after a week of talking and seeing each other to confess he figured he'd have better chemistry elsewhere. He reached out again after months of nc. I ended things and he told me he was talking to someone but still wanted us to talk to each other. So he wasn't even being faithful to the girl he was with either smh. Blocked! Life's too short.

[@Sharon-uy1uf]

Agree

[@socalgirl1111]

Such garbage men can never be faithful to one woman

[@aaliyahrose2755]

Why does it feel like I’m the only one going through exactly what you’re describing but yet this must be so common that you made a video describing to the T exactly what is going on in my love life. It’s sad to say but at least I know I’m not alone. I pray that all those whose hearts & feelings are being pulled into different directions up and down roller coaster ride…may you find real love and peace 😊

[@janisgaines5330]

Excitement is not pursuit! So helpful. Thank you, Bern

[@BernMendez]

You're so welcome, Janis : )

[@Riv1111]

At the age of 42 I don’t have the energy to deal with an inconsistent person after 6 months of seeing he didn’t want a relationship I walked away as hard as it is I knew I had no choice. I’m too old to be played with.

[@ShanediaD]

34 and feeling the same

[@marsvsvenus6256]

Intensity vs consistency! 👍🏼

[@LilyDiorMusic]

Thanks Bern that was really helpful, particularly the part about being up front and saying I’m confused about your intentions and stating what you’re looking for so he can be upfront too.

[@BernMendez]

Lily, so glad it was helpful!

[@NMTDelightfulMusic]

SUM : Avoid narcissists :))))

[@leegalloway9508]

i seem to attract them lol funny, not funny!

[@jenniferklopman2557]

Just move on if someone plays these garbage games with you. It takes 5 seconds to send a text, to secure a date in someone you're interested in (i.e. "Are you free on Friday?" sent on Wednesday) It feels terrible to not have your time respected

[@tamikasinclair5478]

Yess this guy I had a crush on did this to me smh but it's all good my man pursue me never pursuing anyone a

[@wrangelinhabitant161]

😂🎉100%

[@georgiajaeger8567]

I recently broke up with a man I have known for over 30 years. Our relationship was 7 months. He seemed caring and giving (always did, even as a friend) but not consistent. He pursued me early, and it abruptly stopped. When problems popped up, he was quick to want to end things. The first couple of times, I asked to give it time as that is what couples do, work it out. This last time, I tried talking to him and gave up. I tried to honor the friendship by giving it the time it needed. But, I feel like he was just looking for a companion to go along with him in life and not a true partner. Pursuit left quick and the relationship grew to be very one-sided. This was what the disagreements were about, wanting me to come to his home and never coming to mine. He called me yesterday stating that he was returning my call but I had never called him. I really fail to understand people. I was a happy person but life has sucked me dry. Consistency trumps excitement, I like that.

[@nm9412]

He’s got your body, mind and soul, what you need to do is actually break this soul tie. Do some meditation and watch KZbin video on cord cutting reiki. They will help you tremendously to get your power back!

[@luckygirl-ue1jx]

Super helpful, ty❤

[@anandanabila8439]

Stay single it’s so healthy ❤ and bring you joy and peace

[@cheryljones2009]

Unfortunately, the guys I'm "talking" to do NOT take consistent action.... 😣 😞

[@BernMendez]

Time to make a change then : )

[@mamaknow8056]

Walk. Next.

[@lonestar4374]

Wow,this is My Kind of video! Finally a guy or a person,who's saying that stupid games are not the way to go!! All i get told is to- Play the game, Play Hard to Get, you Gotta Play Hard to Get!! Ugh well I'm Never going down that nasty mean Miserable road! I'll Stay Single ForEver,befor doing that imature shit! Thanks for this❤ Makes me feel atleast alittle better now

[@kaboomroom33]

Thanks Bernie! I was meant to see this exact video, because I’m dealing with this now! This new guy has indicated to me and a mutual friend that he wants to take me out, but is also claiming he’s been busy. Typical, cop out excuse! 🤦🏽‍♀️So I put the ball back in his court and told him to let me know when he wants to hang. But I’m not putting in anymore effort until he does and will follow this video’s advice when I do see him!👌🏾

[@BernMendez]

Glad this was helpful.

[@finallythere100]

What happened?

[@goldenrayofcentralsun1111]

Don’t bother, girlie. Move on. He’s a time waster

[@annettemccoy4046]

I have been through this. Now he is silent so I am looking to the future. Its a shame, but I can't wait for someone who's already left ♥️

[@remzzzyyyaranas1723]

Timely and relevant in my situation right now. Thank you Sir❤

[@BernMendez]

You're most welcome, Remzy. : )

[@LynnRoseWOW]

Soooo good! Thank you. THIS is the kind of advice we need proliferated. Wish guys would get the memo too. Just be direct, open and kind. All good whatever is there but being open and clear is the way (even if the clarity is that you’re not sure yet)

[@BernMendez]

Thank you for watching, Lynn.

[@MsDiggy55]

Timely, in that it was first up in my YT feed this morning. I have been in successive relationships w/men who are exciting & eager to pursue, but it unravels into confusion & heartbreak for me. I’m truly done with wasting time. Since I value and believe in myself, I know I deserve more, someone who equals what I give. For all you do, thank you❤

[@tubefanreyn]

Absolutely spot on! Well said as always Bern! 🥰

[@BernMendez]

Elizabeth, thank you for your support! 😀🙏

[@nm9412]

You are so right on playing hot and cold which goes both ways. I have to admit I started hot snd cold.

[@outroseok]

my issue is that when I'm attached to someone it's VERY hard for me to detach even if I know they aren't right for me or as into it as I am....

[@BernMendez]

This issue is not unique to you that's why it's so important to delay physical contact until you know him well and he's trustworthy. : )

[@brendamwilatembo4384]

You are not alone! I have the same problem, in the am a fool

[@whosyourdaddy4579]

Same!

[@outroseok]

@@BernMendez I do that as it is, I will not have physical intimacy with someone until I know they're not going anywhere. :)

[@barbararichards7202]

Thankd. I like people to be straightforward with me, likewise I'm straightforward with others.I can't deal with hot and cold stuff. Thanks for your advice.

[@BernMendez]

You're so welcome!

[@brialyn337]

My tension is not great. If he wanted to spend time. He would make it count.

[@senorabratt]

Thank you for this video. It gave me the courage of ending a 2 months of intense dates with a guy who was playing hot and cold with me. I gave him a hall pass since he seemed shy, inexperienced with women and somewhat insecure. I feel he was also emotionally unavailable with strong avoidant tendencies. He pursued me but then I saw a quick shift in a lack of effort by date 7 to 8. The last straw was that this shift activated my nervous system and I knew I was in trouble. I made those initial red flags very pink and fell into the pretending game. I basically had enough and called him out on his behavior. I deserved to voice my relational courage and come from a place of dignity. My friends and I strongly suspect that he had a dating coach. In your experience, do male-serving dating coaches teach men to blow hot/cold? I know they want men to date multiple partners, but blowing hot/cold?

[@BernMendez]

Glad this video helped! I'm not sure I'd make the assumption he had a dating coach as dozens of challenges might be the root cause of why he acted that way. You may never know what caused this but you don't have to so long as you continue making progress.

[@senorabratt]

@@BernMendez Thank you, Bern. I appreciate your response, and thank you for everything you do. Although a part of me feels guilty about this, I have to look after my own mental health first.

[@caralynhunt9895]

this whole video is gold!

[@BernMendez]

Thank you!

[@jasertyuiihasdfg8165]

2:11 excitement is not pursuit

[@BernMendez]

Glad you found this useful¡

[@MyIRISSS]

Awesome. I havent heard this from a guy ever! Thank you. Sadly its 30 years to late, when I was in a hot and cold relationship. I didnt know, that I was playing this, too. Why arent they teaching this in schools?

[@BernMendez]

Glad this helped Suzanne : )

[@sherrydespa1588]

Most guys aren't consistent. Ladies step back and not hope there's a decent guy, they are 1 out of 10.

[@randiedgar4659]

What if the guy is saying all the right things. He's consistent, pursued me, open & honest.... one day he's bought tickets to events in the future, says he's falling in love... the next day he's not texting me good morning, etc., not responding to texts, or takes hours to reply... how can someone make that change overnight?

[@BernMendez]

Either he changed overnight or he revealed himself more fully overnight. Getting to know a person usually takes longer than we would like it to take. Sorry you're going through this experience.

[@bananarae9207]

This is what I went through, but he never changed over night he was just being his true manipulative self. But you're lucky, you managed to get away. Congratulations. I got away too

[@dizasadorableanimals6554]

He met someone “better”. You can do better too. All the best.

[@RowenglenKennels]

Avoidant personality type

[@ashl3yi138]

Avoidant, immature men. They should come with a red flag attached to their forehead.

[@EllaRoseOji]

Your message is so on point for me right now. Thank you. 🙏🏽 ❤

[@BernMendez]

Ella, you're so welcome.

[@PenelopeAthanasakos-r9p]

Hot and cold for 9 years he ghost me so i changed my number...🎉🎉🎉

[@HappyGirl707]

#1 take-away for me is to put all my cards on the table by the first/second date. Period.

[@BernMendez]

Glad you found this helpful, Patricia.

[@HappyGirl707]

Bernardo, I did just that last night on a date. It was met with much resistance from him. Oh well. Next!

[@judyoliver3672]

​@@HappyGirl707my favorite word to myself. "Next"

[@rachelleoct]

Beautiful advice , thanks for sharing ❤

[@BernMendez]

You’re so welcome, Rachelle. Happy new year!

[@sharlafenwick4056]

How is this the woman's fault? This video is supposed to address HIS issue, not hers. The title is "why a man is hot & cold." Training a grown adult man like a dog is not of interest to me. He's a human being, not a dog with behavioral problems. "Training" a man would leave me feeling empty & unloved. Almost like owning a robot & I held the remote control. That's not love & seems twisted & heartless to me.

[@lilibethnieto55]

Thank you Bern for conscious clarity ❤Happy New Year!!!🎉🎉🎉

[@BernMendez]

You're so welcome, Lilibeth. Happy new year to you too!

[@Manekiinekochan]

I wish I’d learned this in my 20’s but my friends and I were all too afraid of looking needy, pushy or xyz when all you’re being is clear and confident in your needs. There was never anything wrong with making it clear where you stand-but I did make the mistake of getting mad at them when they didn’t meet it, or molding myself to fit their needs etc. rather than just having the courage to walk away and find someone more compatible. But now I know 💕 I hope more young women find this video and save themselves therapy 😂

[@Astrology_Witch_DJ_Lifestyle]

❤️❤️ can I just say I love your smile and love your videos - so informative so genuine ❤️❤️ Thankyou ❤️❤️

[@BernMendez]

Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙏

[@melmel9832]

*Make sure you ask early and often : where is he at, what does he want, what is he capable of. *Be vulnerable, direct and kind. Just be clear. *Ask for what you need - would you be able to connect with me in that way. 4 Initial Criteria - Need ALL (1) He Needs to know what he wants in a Relationship (2) Excited about Exploring Life Partnership with Me (3) Willing to Pursue Me (4) ABLE to Pursue Me

[@ZFern9390]

That seems a bit much , too soon because we can't even know at that point either. I stay cool , calm and let him show me what he's got in a quiet space. They tell you who they are if you WATCH. WATCH for BAIT & SWITCH!

[@elaine2185]

Thank you for covering all the major points in the beginning.

[@chandrimamitra7604]

Whats the guarantee that asking directly the guy wont lie to you? Guys lie esp at early stages n do nice things. Its only after some time you know the reality.

[@BernMendez]

There are no guarantees a guy won't lie to you if you ask but you can evaluate over time if his words and his actions match. You'd be surprised, however, at how many men will reveal a truth you need to hear but would have never heard if you hadn't asked...

[@catherineedge5446]

Great video Bern - thanks so much for creating!

[@BernMendez]

You’re welcome!

[@pnepne5904]

older women and younger men. Can't get around the fear of this type of connection. But all I seem to attrack lately are the younger ones. Can't move forward with these.

[@de_minek]

Consistency over intensity 🎉 thank you

[@BernMendez]

You're so welcome!

[@kiritk1801]

Absolutely true. Thanku so much for your kind insights 🌹🌹❤️❤️🙏🙏

[@shinyvalley5145]

Thank you so much I liked the part when you said I should vulnerably and kindly asking the questions without being needy. My question is how do I ask these questions ! Do I wait for him to call me then in the middle of conversation I ask him or wait for him to text then I text with this or I should go ahead and ask first . How should I do this through a call or text message thanks.

[@royalhighness6263]

Thank you so much for this, needed to hear this right!

[@solfh]

I dated someone who was putting hella lot of effort and after like a month he called it quits saying he still like me and want to know me but doesn’t have time. Yet he was on dating apps soon after. After some weeks I reached out and he seemed interested but made no effort in setting a date so I called it quits saying that’s not what I deserve. And after some weeks he reached out BUT he said he never stopped wanting to see me and that’s insane cause bae you literally ended things with me initially!! Like what silly game is this.. apparently he wants it but not to the point to make an effort. I am reaching out now, conscious that i am being too easy on him and he is showing me nothing in return. But this is to make sure i can block him once and forever. Cause I can see his troubled mind so i get his confusion but I can’t solve his sht so he better decide fast

[@ZFern9390]

This is typical BAIT & SWITCH he is pulling. Lock him out!

[@Cookwithahvivah]

I recently connected to a guy i dated for a short time about 6 years ago. We've been talking for a month and 2 weeks. In the first 2 weeks he was very consistent with calls and text. After 2 weeks he started pulling away, things we agreed to do together he never followed through. We never finish up a proper conversation because his battery always dies in the middle of an important conversation, which was alarming. Now he can take 3 days to return a call and pretend he never saw a missed call. He planned a date this weekend, which i never heard from him so i decided to block him and move on because on numerous occasions have i tried to let him know how uncomfortable his inconsistencies are. Now he reached out on an unknown number asking why i blocked him and that we are in a taking stage so i should be ok with breadcrumb and allow my time to be wasted rather than cutting him off. Sound narcissistic to me

[@angelaharris6577]

Blowing hot and cold?, he's keeping his options open and is a player

[@sabzksingh]

Great advice ❤🙏 I need it.

[@BernMendez]

Glad it was helpful.

[@VioletLaLaMoon]

Your best video yet!❤

[@BernMendez]

So glad you like it Liana!

[@austriaperez497]

Excellent video ❤ Very helpful and great information

[@BernMendez]

Thank you Austria.

[@cindyoosthuizen5653]

Thanks I really needed this advice

[@BernMendez]

You are so welcome, Cindy, glad it helped.

[@annieshahzad8970]

He doesn't want to leave me completely. Also, not sure if he wants me. He says there's some connection but then calls himself single all the time. He also ensures that he doesn't talk to other girls. I'm really confused what he actually wants. He says he's just not sure yet if he wants to marry me or not. He'll ignore me for days and when i do the same he'll start giving attention. The problem is i live him and can't ignore him. I also told him that no one sided relation works. But he says i know it's difficult if the other person isn't putting efforts but if you truly live someone you don't expect anything in return. He's fu*ed up my mental health. He was very excited earlier, even proposed me but then his mother opposed. Since then he has been behaving mysteriously.

[@Ajlikestraveling]

Sadly, my guess is that he wants you as an OPTION. I’m going through this right now, I understand and I’m so sorry about what’s happening with this BOY. It doesn’t really matter what he wants because he obviously can’t make up his mind. Even if he knew what he wants, it won’t improve.

[@LiaHartman]

Oh, just run!!! It happened to me. He "didn't want to be in a relationship". A couple of months later, he entered in a relationship which he mad public. But not with me who waited years for him to make up his mind. So... don't waste your time as I did. RUN!!!

[@rasarsm]

So...I totally love you Bern, but I took your quiz and am stumped. It tells me I have a "gap in aliveness and compelling vision." And yet, the ONE thing the man I just started dating (who's been a friend for many months and knows me deeply) kept saying to me the night we started to get romantic was "You're so alive, you're so alive, oh my god..." Thoughts?

[@BernMendez]

Hi Rachel, I don't have your answers here to refer to but a Gap in Aliveness and compelling vision also refers to your outlook and mindset regarding what's possible in love. Keep in mind that what you answer doesn't necessarily have to agree with one person's opinion : )

[@madgeclarke6128]

Wowo i did date a guy and every thing u said I asked J H Wowo I did date a guy and every thing u are saying I told me we know what he wants and is me well it was a lie so I walked away and 4 months now then he tex me Christmas and I did not tex him back thank u I learn a lot from you ubare the best

[@BernMendez]

Glad this helped, Madge. : )

[@christineterry3079]

What's the initial J H for out of interests??

[@ANU-pz5bx]

He's avoidant bro😢

[@SR77736]

Yup of emotionally unavailable, non committal and a waste of time/red flag

[@shehnazkanorwala4171]

I have watched most of ur vd . All vd s are awesome 👍. But what about a guy who u like is already married.

[@BernMendez]

Create distance while remembering no matter what. You’re telling yourself right now, there are more men who can love you without you being a secret.

[@ZFern9390]

Married Men ~ That's Easy As Hell. Don't Entertain That! They are the easiest because it's a total no go! Not only would he be garbage to his wife and kids but also you!

[@Ricarica981]

this is what im going through

[@BernMendez]

Hi Judy, then it's time to raise your standards and value yourself more powerfully through your actions. You've got this! : )

[@wickidblazed420]

My ex is doing this with me!!! At this juncture I know I can't be with him..he just had his 10th kid...I 💘 him but this is a situation that I know I have no room in..on top of it he keeps changing his number

[@ZFern9390]

Wait a minute 😮 You have 10 kids together, and he is playing BAIT and SWITCH???!!!!! EW wow 😮 EWWW

[@toshashanafelt8491]

I just left a job that I asked for a raise with because I was doing the job of 3 and got denied. Been gone one day and already got a call saying another employee didn’t realize how much I do. Now they are trying to to hire 2 people since I left. Smfh! No appreciation.

[@BernMendez]

Hope you're on a path to more appreciation :). Good luck and thank you for watching.

[@christinagonzalez7125]

What if you disappeared and you haven’t heard from him is there a possibility I’m going to hear from him what are you doing that situation? He comes back or he just not into me no more or he just figuring out things what he wants to be in this relationship or not

[@musicompro5081]

I will try to say this to him the next time we see each other im a filipino and American men are very hard to understand showing lots of different attitudes

[@jennifervaughn1541]

There’s a reason why American women don’t want American men….im an American woman by the way.

[@sarahopoku3915]

Very helpful 👌. Thank you

[@ewanowakowska3028]

If he wants friendship?

[@BernMendez]

Do you want friendship with him?

[@martinakournikova564]

Hello Bernardo, guy i like, 14 yrs older, told me after 10 lovely dates, that he is not sure he is feeling whole, has not opened up fully what goes on for him, but it affects our intimacy and he mentioned it is frustrating for him.. I felt instantly unsure why he is giving me this and whether it is a hint he can't commit. He does have financial troubles, major changes in his life, after 26 yrs with a one woman. I am feeling like i want to pull back. He was consistent up to now. Seems decent and kind and unique, so i wanted us to be together but his text today, made me think bad things...

[@BernMendez]

Hi Martina, have a thoughtful face to face conversation with him because at the moment you're attempting to make sense of this and making assumptions that may not be correct (either making it better or worse than it actually is). Find out what needs to happen for him to feel able to open (and what does being more open even mean to him). : )

[@saras.2173]

If you are feeling the need to pull back, HONOR IT. Either give him space by not talking to him for a few weeks or months, or suggest to him that the two of you might be better as friends, then make yourself mostly unavailable to him. Sometimes we don’t pull back from men because we hate it when they do it to us. But they secretly love it because it takes the pressure off of them, creates a challenge/puzzle, makes things more exciting. We are looking for security from men, but they are not looking for that from us. They’d prefer novelty.

[@agnivabanerjee9299]

Thank you Bernardo for this ❤

[@fatemeh2560]

Super useful, your videos are the best rational advise

[@JPcommunicates]

Someone who gives another one mix signals is someone who has an avoidant attachment style. It's learnt in childhood.

[@rachelross5829]

My x was consistent. I know what that is. Dont even know if i want a relationship right now but thanks for the info.

[@BernMendez]

You’re so welcome. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to decide if you want a relationship and if so what kind. No. We’d to rush it. Trust your heart.

[@blklacquer]

If you are not into the game, the game doesn’t take place.. I like that

[@BernMendez]

Glad you found this useful.

[@crystaldance5731]

Helpful thankyou 😊❤️

[@Luckyme890]

What a great video!! Thank you!!

[@wenderella81]

I wish I could just have 10 minutes with Bernardo to chat.

[@wolfangel369]

I walked away from a flaky guy...unfortunately they all seem like it

[@BernMendez]

Glad you moved on. Many men are looking for serious relationships don't let past experiences cloud what's possible : )

[@skywolfvr]

How can i aply that after being needy? He's around but he feels reserved, also haven't completely forgot about his wx that hurt him