if you're feeling behind in life | on being a "late bloomer"

come hang out with me for the afternoon and I'll show you some embarrassing photos of myself.
time stamps:
0:35 a little about me and being a "late bloomer"
3:20 the obsession with early achievement / high school & law school
8:00 my career, losing myself & "feeling behind"
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[@ericzheng4815]

Being an Asian takes the pressure of being a late bloomer to the next level

[@g.imperial8236]

I resonate a lot with this 'late bloomer' or feeling left behind sentiment. I also went to law school, however unlike you, I wasn't able to find a job as a lawyer and was a paralegal for 5 years, by which time I really had to face the possibility that I would never find a job as a lawyer. It was very hard to come to terms with, as a lot of my peers were moving onto senior roles and I hadn't even started, I felt like I had failed. But when I decided to leave it behind and instead pursue working in the not-for-profit sector in any kind of capacity, I realised it didn't matter so much that I wasn't a successful lawyer like Asian society would want me to be. I was still able to use a lot of the skills law school taught me, but for a purpose that I really felt created social change for the better. All to say, life isn't linear, and 'failure' by society's standards doesn't mean personal failure and you can still live a very fulfilling life.

[@vehx9316]

this is something that is extremely close to me. In my early 30s now and I still have 0 idea of where my life is leading to, whereas people left and right of me are either starting businesses or having families. It can be very upsetting and depressing when you still feel that you have just toed the starting line.

[@robbiebalboa]

I’m in the same, plugging away a minimum wage full time. But side hustle as a graphic designer for my own content page and occasional clients. It’s just frustrating where you feel like you’re just stuck in that cycle, not sure when I’ll get my break on where I can step further or take things in a new direction. I literally feel like I’ve run into a wall and constantly running against this wall. The thing that’s kept me going is bordering on hope/delusion but I enjoy the side hustles.

[@baovv6156]

Thanks for this video.🎉 I quit my PhD at the age of 28 because I didn't feel any sense of accomplishment or satisfaction from it. I am now very happy working in another industry. When I decided to give up, everyone said it was a pity that I wasted a lot of time. I trusted my decision because I knew I had to care about what was best for me, not what others saw as good. We live in a society that values perseverance, determination, and stick-to-it-iveness: in other words, that values "grit" over "quit." But sometimes, quitting can help you avoid catastrophic losses and lead you to unimaginable success on your next endeavor. ❤

[@mojingmojing5480]

I also quit my PhD at 29. And now looking back it was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. But it was really hard at that time because I had to count a lot of my previous efforts as sunk cost and force myself to look ahead and think about what do I want to do for my future career.

[@marvaff6878]

That last line in particular - I really needed that. Thank you for sharing.

[@user-tn8ev9tk4j]

You are already a certified lawyer which is already one of the top white collar jobs in the world. You are doing extremely well! It is also pointless to keep comparing with peers and there will always be someone better than us. It's never ending. "right destination is more important than trying to get to places faster. Life is a long journey, enjoy the process." I love this! You are inspiring Em! All the best!

[@dannyjoseph140]

"getting to the right place is more important than getting there the first" Thank you Em! :)

[@tansanDOTeth]

Resonated a lot with me. I'm in a similar position and it can be a bit uncomfortable at times. It feels like you're living in a jungle trying to figure out how to live. You just have to figure out everything on your own, but you slowly build up a system and the paths around you start to develop. Before you know it, you have this base that you built yourself. I do still get these moments of "feeling behind", and maybe it's not something I will ever shake-off, but it beats the feeling of never knowing what my base might look like.

[@EmandLloyd]

That’s a great analogy, especially re building a base (which then anchors you when the storms of self-doubt, etc. hit haha) - thanks for such a thoughtful comment!

[@v1zhual]

based

[@sholomoone]

these videos are helping me a lot. i recently turned 18 and the weight of seeing all my friends thriving at college/work is crushing me because im currently at that limbo were i cant find a job and im on the process of switching majors. its hard to see a bright future for me, so hearing about other peoples experiences helps me want to at least keep trying

[@daveforz]

thanks for this video. i'm 26 and thinking about going back to school. been overthinking it because of my age, but your video gave me some comfort.

[@Avant402]

This was a great retrospective of life and I went through the same thing in the 90s within my family and peers. It took me a long time to figure out that my path in life, be it personal or professional is mine, and mine alone. Now that I’m hitting my middle 30s, I’ve come to realize that I don’t feel left behind at all. I’ve also realized that I have to live life for myself, and to not compare my hopes, dreams, and successes to anyone else. After all they may feel left behind. As always love your videos, content, and wisdom. ❤️

[@Ohwellthatslifebro]

Just discovered your channel and I’m absolutely obsessed ❤️ thank you for the great video!

[@victoriatran4063]

Thank you for this video! I've been having similar thoughts in regards to my own uncertain career path. I remember reading about how being a "late" bloomer isn't something to be ashamed of, because if you peak early, you'll crash early. Late bloomers can enjoy having more resilience from their experience :)

[@hardcorecode]

I didn't have a goal post or expectations when I was in school except to be a good boy and have good grades. high school graduation is one of my happiest memories because I hated school with a passion. If it wasn't for my parents I would have dropped out. I was eager to join the workforce and thus took the first job that came my way. It was physical labor at a furniture factory/warehouse. After working their for two/three weeks I quit and went to college. I vividly remember a co-worker being so happy after receiving his paycheck that he started dancing. I was shocked how can a grown man twice my age be so joyful after working so hard and getting paid peanuts. All I knew is that I didn't want that to be me. In hindsight the education from high school is what actually made me notice the exploitation. Nevertheless, That lit a fire in me to go and be as smart as possible but I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life it took another decade until I figured it out. Anywhere, thanks for sharing

[@EmandLloyd]

Thanks for sharing as well, always appreciate hearing about others’ journeys and the things they learned along the way!

[@theagakcook]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! The part about "starting over" resonated with me! I'm a pharmacist by training, did pharma sales for the bulk of my career life but quitted 6yrs ago to pursue my passion and so that I can spend more time with my kids. However, once in awhile when I see my classmates doing really well n holding high positions in their jobs, it makes me wonder if I've made the right decision back then. Your words made me feel better! Thank u! ❤

[@vccheung]

Really appreciate your story! I think we all get influenced by the voices from society, but I try to remind myself that there's no one out there that knows what you need more than your very own self. Thanks for reminding me about trying to find personal fulfillment. I think even for me, I've been feeling a bit tired of heavily devoting time into reaching the next professional achievement while at the same time worrying about what would happen if I stopped putting as much time and energy into my professional career. As always, I believe the key is to reach a balance and always follow your heart.

[@samho6777]

Firstly, love it when you pause and took a bite of the donut!!!!! Yes, focusing and following your own will do; no need to compare with anyone because you are who you are and you know yourself what's best for you!!!!!! it's typhoon no.9 right now, stay safe and can't wait for your next video!!!!!

[@EmandLloyd]

Haha thanks Sam!! And yes we’re staying safe 😊

[@boomboom1258]

I'm turning 30 soon, and I also went to law school. Graduated with a degree in July 2016 and went on to try and qualify as a lawyer in my home country for 3 years till I decided to explore an alternative career path in writing/storytelling. It was hard on my finances, self-esteem, and confidence, and my relationship with my family broke down. No regret, though; I am regaining my confidence and sense of self and finding joy in writing valuable content & stories for my audience in-house. Yes, I don't have loads of savings, nor do I own a house or a car, nor have I even settled down yet, but I'd say It's OK! All good if you are "behind" some peers who are getting married, promoted, wealthier and bought a new car or home because we all want different things. We are unique individuals on an individual path. Seriously, no rush and let them talk however much they like.

[@seantnper881]

Thankyou for this video, I found your channel from your BJJ video bc I’m thinking about getting into it. And then I saw the title of this one and thought… oh a video for me right here… I’m 32 and I have been feeling behind for years… that I’m not where I should be… that I haven’t bought a house and should have… that I live paycheck to paycheck and no matter how hard I try I’m never really happy with where I am in my career… I work for Lockheed Martin and make decent money for the state of the economy… but I’m not happy… very much so to your fact that I have spend my 20s trying to be the best in every job I do that I’ve neglected my own personal growth and happiness… my parents also hold me to a really high standard and that has contributed to the feeling of being behind in life or not being good enough… but I’m making the decision to be happy with myself and start to focus more on my personal growth and stop putting so much thought and energy into where I work or how much I make… sorry for the long comment. Thank you for helping me understand myself a little more.

[@nakiflo]

My career just starts taking off at age 36. I played and partied since I was 16. For that 20 years, I didn’t regret a single thing! I have lived a life and earned an experience that I could never have if I did not step outside of the box. And I did. In my 40s soon, I can see myself becoming more stable but I definitely will keep experimenting life and this is fun to me.

[@Ticklethapicklealil]

Have you lived with any major responsibilities or a partner? If so, how did you balance all of that while also living life with no restraint?

[@nakiflo]

@@Ticklethapicklealil I did had a partner for 8 years. But it was hell for me. For that 8 years. I’m solo now and I’m indeed content with it.

[@MarieBrent-n5b]

Em and Lloyd your videos resonate with me.

[@heyhey1512]

I love this video! Thanks for sharing your journey. I've been following you guys since the very first video ❤ Keep exploring girl!

[@danasaurlicious]

I feel like I hung out with a friend after watching your video. so nice to hear a bit more about your upbringing, and youre definitely cool even as a kid!

[@amychiu4838]

Hi Em, thanks for the video. I am experiencing the same journey as your past one and feeling loss on who and where I should be. My heart tell me that I should not continue and follow the standard of modern society by keep pursuing professional (which I don’t enjoy), but at the same time, I feel lost as I don’t know what else I can do and what industry or career is suitable to me (in the sense of achieving satisfaction and at the same time can financially support myself). It becomes more difficult when I am in another country which I have no connection and need to develop everything from zero. I doubt if I have done a correct decision.

[@chillwithmari]

I love how articulate you are Em ❤ and this topic is awesome, I can totally relate

[@josephsmyth832]

You’re a very intelligent woman and appreciate the wisdom that you shared in this video, thank you. It’s unfortunate that we have been put into this “game “ and “rat race” where it needs to be so adversarial and I think it’s detrimental to personal growth in the long run.

[@YYY-yd9qn]

For ten years I felt that I was a failure because I didn’t get into the university my father expected me to get into and was forced to go to an university with a good ranking that I had bad feelings about. The education there was not what I wanted and I felt very behind after seeing how “good” my peers around the world were during an exchange program. I didn’t know how to get out of this rut and felt trapped and bitter until graduation. I entered the workforce and started studying on my own, and realized I can’t expect education curriculums to change or improve, but I have the ability to learn in my own way and get to where I want. It’s important to know what I want to learn, and to set a goal to achieve that training on my own terms.

[@linovation572]

I'm grateful for hearing your advice at my early 20s

[@sannadahlstrom1]

Thank you so much for talking about this ❤

[@macykwok1453]

You are very lucky indeed, as you can freely pick a job that you like without worrying too much regarding financial burden :) Indeed i think many ppl do not have to courage to step out their comfort zone or to change the life path is not because they do not have dreams (i.e. seriously who really enjoy studying law or working in this industry given the workload lol), but because they fear of losing a stable job - which they need to gurantee the living standard of themselves or their fam.

[@mojingmojing5480]

Omg Emily i could relate to your experience so much! I applied for law school in Hong Kong for my undergrad as well. One of the interview questions I got for the interview was what’s the difference of the law system in Hong Kong compared to other places. I didn’t know how to answer this question (as a 17-year-old) because I was an engineering nerd in high school and never had the chance to explore or learn about this world. And applying for law school was just one of the “popular majors” that my parents decided for me. Now growing up and I finally find a comfortable career and continue being the engineering nerd after changing major twice in college 😂

[@yok5206]

Love this, Em! Some of the points you brought up echo what I’ve read in the book “Range” by David Epstein.

[@jbrkjferkjbekjb]

Interesting points and love the relaxed vibes of the video. I agree with you that the legal industry may not be a good fit for everyone. Some things are difficult to know beforehand though until we've experienced it ourselves when we get there, regardless of how mature we are. Also, 17 is indeed quite a young age to be making milestone decisions, though kids can still be prepared to do so. We have it better compared to 17 year olds sent to war, or those in developing countries who have to help raise their families, those kids are forced to grow up and boy they grow up fast. Perhaps part of life is learning how to deal with decisions made at an earlier age, learning to make good judgments as to whether to persevere or exit out of something later on. Sometimes there is benefit in keeping one's options 'closed' as well, to force oneself into making minimal necessary adjustments (e.g. perhaps changing firms instead of leaving the profession entirely), figure things out till there is light at the end of the tunnel, rather than to throw the baby out with the bathwater so to speak (which is a temptation i sometimes have when facing what seems like insurmountable challenges but actually isnt that big of a deal in hindsight).

[@azertytores]

Thank you 😊

[@ShannahMarieMontales]

awesome content, as always, Emi!

[@kevinkalalo4364]

Very inspiring, thanks for sharing, Em! :)

[@kockchuchu4371]

Welcome back to HK!

[@MrBjorn6]

This was a fantastic video 😢

[@oO1723]

Reasons why I'm a late bloomer: Still in uni, haven't found my feet professionally, not that competitive in the job market right now. Reasons why it matters: Reasons why it doesn't matter: I'm finding my way there and the goalpost is there at least. It doesn't make me happy to think about it that way! I'm developing my own life slowly.

[@Rtc6444]

I am from Brooklyn, NY USA. When I group in the 90s there were hardly any Asians in ny

[@Yu10395]

Actually, each person has different pace and stage in his/her life and no need to compare with others. Just focus what you're doing and what you want.

[@jenniferchu9749]

great video! :) thank you for sharing.

[@LL-Coolio]

Thumb nail was like a teen movie where the obviously attractive girl is made to seem unattractive untill her big glow up lol like "she's all that" with Freddie prinze jnr

[@Ibekkeivv]

i love this.

[@linovation572]

Thank u for sharing❤

[@KK-bc6ok]

I am just late, and never bloom

You will bloom, don't give up!

[@oliviac9791]

Hi @EmandLloyd, I am a late bloomer and am feeling lost at the moment. I have a law degree but do not have a job lined up. Do you have any advice for breaking into the Hong Kong law market? hope you are safe during the Typhoon.

[@mtownz6215]

i don't know i'm kinda diggin 2009 version.

[@APEXPASSION674]

Amazing vid as always so allow me to introduce mu story. I was always behind my fds in my age but i didn't feel bad or whatsoever Me as a 23years old now i didn't have good grades and particularly great sports achievement basically went into dse in a "give up" it is whatever i hated school like my life depends on it so my result aren't great i had enough points to get into associate degree so i did. Enrolled for the hospitality and management program thought I'd give myself one more chance but after one year i was bored out of my mind and my grade isn't great either so i quit. Then i worked a year of pt(5-6days a week) in the kitchen and then enroll for the culinary art and management thought this is the program for me i can finish that and also get myself a "degree" yeah a culinary art degree which i look back it sounds pathetic to me and my old habits return i didn't get good grade aside from practical subjects school is getting more boring for me skipping lessons and work pt. Also somehow manage to screw up other things in my life so before one year of finishing my bachelor degree i quit again receiving quite a lot of back lash and criticism from my family and friends. But i said the choice that I'm making I'll never regret it. Right now I'm working at a french restaurant as a commis full time for close to 5months now and let me tell you it is the nest 5months of my life and learn so much more than in my culinary program yeah life is tough but I'm enjoying the ride. So to me being late or early doesn't matter that much as long as one don't regret its choices follow his/her passion and pave the way in life and it will be good and meaningful and looking forward what life can bring to me next

[@sariany9794]

❤

[@rodrigodelagarza7138]

33. Id been throguht a lot and havent found a right place. Its frustrating yet somewhat priviledged that you get to question that in the first place

[@michaelpitoy]

Wow HKU Law 👍

[@xolaughoutloud98]

What camera are you using?

[@EmandLloyd]

For this video I was using a Sony A7S III!

[@johnmccormick3147]

Get out of yourself!

[@summerfinn2300]

Watching this after a long day (and feeling lost at work) 🥹 thank you for sharing this, you’re talking like a close friend