If You're Not Paying Bills What Are You Doing?! feat Cocktales | Lovers and Friends Ep.75

If you’re a podcast listener, you already know that there’s a whole lot of discussions about what people don’t do in relationships, what they need to be doing, and insight on what romantic partners want from others.
And I guess it’s all well and good to have standards, but it’s even better to:
Be aware of which standards are based on what we actually need to have a quality romantic partnership vs which standards are based on discriminatory, outdated values that hurt others AND our chances at forming healthy partnerships.
Be clear about what standards people can hold you to. In short, what exactly are you bringing to the romantic relationship table and furthermore what are you admitting that you won’t be carrying?
In this episode, I am discussing this in a hilarious and honest conversation with the ladies of Cocktales.
We also have THE Matchmaking Duo here to share the secret to finding a compatible long term
partner.
Here is your conversation starter pack:
What are you enthusiastically bringing to a romantic relationship today?
What are you interested in getting better at bringing?
What do you know you can’t and probably won’t carry?
How do you want your romantic partner to respond to you when you’re not meeting their standards?
How do you plan to respond when they inevitably, don’t meet all of yours?
Which are your deal breakers and where considering your answers to the top questions can you stand to do a lil bending?
Thanks to the sponsors of this episode!
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Follow Shan:
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/ kikisaidso
/ cocktalespodcast
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/ kriziacruz_

[@AcerbicOrder]

A lot of people don't bring anything outside of their career/job or whatever they accomplished. That's what their personalities/lives revolve around.

[@theplug3102]

The lies you tell ‼️🤣 How dare you group everyone in one box & say what they life revolve around or what someone don’t bring to a relationship. Just because people like YOU & other ppl in this world that don’t THINK for themselves & allow society to do it for you. Don’t mean WE are all out here brain deceased. There’s people out here who actually THINK for themselves & work on self development. Healing from trauma, Being self aware, not repeating toxic cycles of things you grew up around & in. Not having a weak mind when it comes to your habits & allowing external thing’s get the best of you. There’s people out here who actually take accountability for their actions instead of blaming the world or ppl they get with or past relationships etc . There’s people out here that actually have wisdom & knowledge in things to bring REAL value to a persons life. Stop thinking we are all the same & think all the same. I’m apart of the 1% that actually brings value to someone’s life. It’s the people like y’all that try to group everyone in your own BS because YOU refuse to do the work on yourself. You refuse to work on self love & actually learning who you are & be aware of what you are becoming as life goes by. You refuse to learn the important necessity’s in life in order to sustain a long healthy relationship. It’s people like YOU that blame ppl for the sh’t you do instead of taking accountability for the choices you make & continue to make in life that keeps you in the same position. Repeating the same cycle , singing the same tune. Y’all are the one’s that need people like Shan to "Teach" you basic sh’t that ppl like me already know. When I watch video’s like this I watch it for the enjoyment of feeding that part of my brain that loves intellectual conversations or deep dives. I don’t watch it because I’m trying to learn something. The next time you decide to write a pathetic comment like this make sure you include yourself & not the world.

[@smarti1144]

And some of these personality traits are not adding value.

[@Babanla420]

They are not even bringing that. Medinah just went all over the place to say “her money is her money”

[@toomuchinformation]

​@@theplug3102Wow, you were triggered by that comment.

[@Momdrogynous]

I love Kiki’s point about being available. This is something that a great deal of people have lost space for. Making yourself available to bond with your loved ones is becoming a lost art.

[@LetsTalkAboutItSeries]

To each their own! Be it a 50/50 pair or traditional male financial provider, people just need to discuss what works for them and find someone who agrees with the arrangement

[@lalittl]

Im a homemaker and my husband pays all the bills and it works for us. We are both happy in the way we split marital responsibilities. I think whatever works for you works for you. We live in such an odd time where everyone is trying to convince each other of everything. Live and let live ❤

[@cvstaff22]

“Everyone is trying to convince each other of everything”.. well said!! People should just live how they want to and accept how others choose to live

[@PrinceInawRakah]

@@cvstaff22 ur comment is why women shouldn’t be in leadership positions sis

[@toomuchinformation]

They are because there's money in it.

[@TheSacralBliss]

I’ve only had one man ask me what I bring to the table he barely had a table. Most partners know what you bring to the table once they truly get to know you. Observation is key. Cocktails is one of my favorite podcast!

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

I don't understand why this question is even asked or worse, answered.

[@TheSacralBliss]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 right! I’m prepared to say absolutely nothing! 🤣🤣

[@butterflymage5623]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 it’s a good question that everyone should be able to answer. 💁🏽‍♂️ especially with how everyone views how they want their relationship individually.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

​@@butterflymage5623 It's a "tick box" question which will provide "tick box" answers. There are better ways of self examination. I think the OP had the right idea. It's interesting to note that this particular question is more prevalent in the Black Community.

[@butterflymage5623]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I think both asking questions like this and observation is key. You’re right it’s a tick box question, and if anyone doesn’t like the tick box answer then both of ya’ll can be on your way and not waste each others time.

[@RedElephant169]

Nothing triggers people more then hearing a black woman wants to stop laboring. Shan has sat down with some very wild people with very wild ideals and ive never heard her be judgmental and say “thats crazy to me” like she did when keke said she might want to exit the workforce and be a mother. These conversations are so irritating to me because theyre 1. Always with black women. No one questions or finds it taboo for other races of women to not work so black women are always at the center of these topics 2. When we do talk to black women about why they might be ready to leave the work force and pursue motherhood or being a housewife, we do this conversation a disservice by not acknowledging the historical and present day relationship black women have had with the work force AND as the breadwinners for their family.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Saw a tik tok where a Black Woman asked some White Women what they brought to the table. They looked puzzled; never even heard of the phrase. It's such a racialized and misogynoirist question. Why BW attempt to answer it at all beggars belief.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Shan said what she did because she sees that they are in the same situation as she is, in terms of having their great businesses which they've taken time to build up. What Shan is missing is that she is the "breadwinner" in the family. So she CAN'T take her foot of the gas, but doesn't see that these women want the option to.

[@RedElephant169]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 idk if you’re a black woman or not but i promise you this level of outrage only revolves around us and our dating standards

[@ailynnmckae1130]

Do you mind sharing more about why people respond this way to black women? Like what are the thoughts and assumptions behind their confusion/outrage? Im a black girl too and I’ve experienced micro aggressions related to the topic but I’m still tryna learn and understand more. Ty

[@aricarosi]

​@dumfriesspearhead7398 I agree with you and would never want to disrespect anybody else's opinion. I can't say that it doesn't have to do with race because I'm not black, and I've never ever experienced or endured anything that a black person would have to or has endured/experienced but what I understood from her reaction is that her, being somebody that is so focused and so proud of her career and achievements and works hard on building the empire that she is building, she can recognize that these other women do too and was just a little shocked while hearing that they'd be willing to leave that to be stay at home moms and take care of their families. Not even in a judgemental way. Somebody that has been following Shan for a while would know that she is a very goal/career oriented person and that she struggled a lot having to part ways with the version of herself that can do all that she wants, whenever she wants it.

[@hi29189]

Let’s not forget the emotional labor and communication skills that women bring. We really hold the emotional container needed for relationships to grow and thrive

[@butterflymage5623]

Some, depends on the maturity of the individual.

[@novacaine_]

That shouldn't just be on y'all nevertheless it is appreciated

[@PrinceInawRakah]

@@novacaine_ can you break down how you’ve observed women carrying the “emotional labor and communication skills” in your relationships? I wish I saw these atrocious comment sections when they came out so I can get a direct response smh

[@elvisjoelle]

“i’ve never been on a date or even in a relationship wit a man that was saving money for the kids that they do got” lmao i’m screaming 38:45

[@imani_nicole]

I LOVED this episode. All in all, there’s no one size fits all. That’s why a lot of this internet discourse surrounding relationships never end. No one can agree because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to. People, please have honest and vulnerable conversations with your partner about what you want your partnership to look like. Know what YOU can provide to them interpersonally, and vice versa. Telling women what they have to do in ALL types of relationships is a waste of time and can cause people to feel inadequate. Shan, you’re doing amazing sweetie. Thank you for this podcast.

[@helen9412]

Yes well said!

[@PrinceInawRakah]

Women who follow this channel do not know what they want… so they revert back to “everyone just needs to do what they want..” rhetoric, unfortunately sis.. Shan doesn’t know what she wants.. These women have a lot of money and they’re married to their work… and they’re cheating on their work with a man.. Shan is in a polygamous relationship with her work and a handful of different men.. which is pure confusion.. she has this clump of men, work and kids that she thinks she’s making sense of.. but she’s lost.. Women typically don’t objectively analyze these things, they just search for validation in the message.. and they miss the fact that no solutions were provided. I’m late af but this is the reality

[@esterkohen26]

I think often whats missing in all of these discussions from bith men and women is you must bring empathy, conpassion and consienciouness. Acknowledge each-other in a manner that we would like to be acknowledged and appreciated. There is SO MUCH EGO in these conversations about what people bring as if all we are here for is to extract from eachother rather than cultivate. Im so over this rhetoric. There is no humility from anyone nor is there sanctity in these dynamics.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

"......as if all we are hear for is to extract from each other, rather than cultivate". That is so beautifully put. I made a comment saying that that particular question ("what do you bring to the table?") was too utilitarian and reductionist to allow expanded thinking or greater self knowledge and awareness. I do think that cultural differences come into play here as well.

[@reybae]

Shan is such a great host 😌 I really enjoy how she engages her guests. She always respects their opinions but is never afraid to offer a different perspective that really makes you think deeply. I love these discussions.

[@tiaunajonline]

I’m in Canada at BANFF and your show just won and the guy thanked you for narrating. Congrats Shan you just won a Rockie Award!

[@Marvelous_M]

Excellent podcast! All you ladies look fabulous. I honestly feel like women have to vet their partners over time because how you are now in your 20’s won’t be in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s + I think if your basic needs are met for love that’s nice but overall (FOR ME) I want to keep myself up, raise my kids at home for some time, take time away from work, and work when I need too. I want to support my partner emotionally, physically, have his children, support his mindset, and truly my magic is the way I comfort people. I know what I bring that’s why this question is sometimes very ugly, it can come from a nasty place sometimes. But the people that deserve these type of conversations are those who are serious about you even if you’re at a friend stage. Ladies never settle for less and fellas upgrade your standards. Having a good woman literally upgrades your life but this generation is sorta stupid and “option” crazy. Lol shop somewhere else and let me be single please 😂

[@niathecreative]

My 👏🏾literal 👏🏾thoughts 👏🏾. Are you in my head 😩. Wanna be friends 😅 ?? I agree men and women alike who have a negative attitude towards this question are thinking very short term; when you ask ‘what you want your future life to look like’ many will desire this life but try to achieve it in an unsustainable way or don’t try at all and revert to a more ‘practical and reasonable’ life which is the definition of settling. If you want a great life, it requires both both partners to be great and show up with a lot to offer.

[@Marvelous_M]

@@niathecreative absolutely let’s be friends, what’s socials? 🤣🩷 Yes! Spot on, this is why people can get disappointed sometimes because they are afraid to live in their truth and show up authentically. Our needs and requirements never our responsibility will change. That’s why I’m not afraid to dream big and thing big. More times this what do you bring to the table is such a social media dusty question, I’ve never been asked by a guy I’m dating what I bring and I’ve never had go ask them either. More people are becoming less self aware and drowning their emotions with drugs and alcohol. It’s a blessing to think clear and go to therapy. I truly think more of us could benefit from therapy too.

[@soleneptune9498]

Sprinkle sprinkle 😂😂😂😂😂

[@Locdluuv]

Lmao I love her 😂

[@shadeenah8791]

So cringy.

[@thatgirlshaz]

I love when my fave pods link up 🥰🥰🥰

[@Riverofhaven]

Did I just find a new pod?! Love these girls, such juxtaposition I love it

[@ariellewht]

Same ! Love how open these girls are

[@justjay488]

This perspective is so odd to me. Am I selling myself, is this an interview? Why do I need to “bring it” within the first 8 seconds of a date? It all feels transactional. I’m looking for someone who sees me as a human with challenges and shortcomings, and they still choose me.. and I want to love and choose someone even when they bring all of their challenges and shortcomings to “the table” too. What these people are describing doesn’t sound like partnership or a relationship, it sounds like role play. It sounds like a deep desire to be picked, as a result of performing well enough.. but what happens when you’re actually in the relationship, and the mask inevitably starts to slip. I can’t imagine this being sustainable or even fulfilling long term.

[@candacenkoth]

Beyond the interest in the conversation, these episodes are so well produced 👏🏾

[@TheFnPrototype]

I hate when somebody dusty son only brings money to the table and have the nerve to ask me what I bring! I got money too fool so wassup? I feel like I don’t want to tell you what I bring but show you. I am compassionate, self aware, fun, spontaneous, kind, patient, I can hold a conversation, I strive to please in bed. I got some tummy on me but I also got a fat ass and the two are a package deal 😂 My three uncompromisables are mutual like, respect, and desire to make “it” work. We maybe able to talk/date for a while if like or desire is missing or not mutual, but I’m not partnering with anyone until all 3 are enthusiastically reciprocated.

[@MarissaontheMAP]

A little over halfway through and this is such a great episode! I always struggle with the "what do you bring to the table" question and this definitely helped to help identify some of those things, but also reminded me how important those conversations are. Especially when it comes to being truthful about what you want/like to do when it comes to keeping a household/the relationship going, instead of trying to fit into what society says we should want/be doing. I do want to be a better cook, but the reality is, its DEFINITELY not something Im trynna be doing majority of the time. If it were up to me, if the finances are right, we're hiring a chef baby lmao

[@tiasays]

Completely off topic but, I was watching Mean Girls and I totally got a glimpse of Shan in the very beginning of the movie. Crazy 🤯 Love the video!

[@LetsTalkAboutItSeries]

Oh wow! I saw Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman) as an extra in the old show “Entourage” I just watched - everyone starts somewhere! Wild when we catch the glimpse 😆

[@Acosta1774]

This was a great healthy conversation!!!! Great job ladies ❤️

[@daphnembah]

I love their confidence in their different perspectives ❤

[@christmastree1682]

Which culture was the woman at the end talking about? She said other cultures don’t only think about finances when matchmaking they think about things like “who are you at the holiday party “. Sis what culture is that? In college i have lived with a Nigerian woman, a Pakistani woman and a woman from china. Not one of these women chose partners based on who would be personable at the Christmas party. Their parents were very involved in choosing and encouraged them to date men with majors that would lead to good careers. Thats what other cultures are ACTUALLY doing. Telling women to not prioritize finances is so silly considering finances are the core of every access you have in this life. Your access to a certain education, healthcare, house, living environment, retirement, etc. we have to stop pushing this dusty mindset that expecting a man to be financially stable is too much. Stop yall and stop using imaginary other cultures to do it please

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Preach. They're matchmakers and in their demographic the men on their books may not make as much money as the women on their books. So it's in their interest to downplay the importance of finances. It's why the other matchmaker said that to find a "good man, you may have to find a poor man". For a variety of historical reasons this approach is more prevalent in DOS (Descendants of Slavery) communities.

[@realtalk293]

lol go and ask those same deomgrphics about how that is working out for them. The issue with you people is that you don't understand balance. 1 person shouldn't be doing everything.

[@christmastree1682]

@@realtalk293 its working out fine for other cultures and our community is in shambles

[@boipelop6522]

Sprinkle Sprinkle ✨

[@SassyL62]

I love that intro there to make them feel better about not knowing what they bring to the table😂😂

[@LindaTinahTV]

I live for these open conversations.

[@Locdluuv]

Yeah , don’t look at me for finances. Don’t depend on me 😂

[@bruxolabs-thedefitribunal]

It hurts that they are not appreciating that their dads were working themselves into exhaustion. It is hard to provide!

[@giselo06]

It’s not a lack of appreciation… just not glorifying exhaustion

[@jh7161]

That’s deep that you mentioned that, most men are the first in there generation to break the curse, first in the family to ever be something more than. The first always makes the biggest sacrifice . So if don’t appreciate that from your pops how would you appreciate any man. Ohhh wait you want a millionaire, got it.

[@bruxolabs-thedefitribunal]

@@jh7161 Exactly. I watched my dad go through hell and back and it made me appreciate him so much more now that I am older. I can appreciate that women want to feel safe, but simply appreciating the men around you goes a long way. The same can be said for women, I am so much more patient with my mom now that I can appreciate how much she sacrificed. Keep on grinding bro, all the best.

[@sofiajimenez8359]

Omg yes!!! Its BALANCE...I LOVE my time with my man wayyy more thn money or "not working". Love is NOT one sided, women need to pay attention to your man and know when they are drained but they care more about being "home". No ma'am bring ya ass over here sir❤🖤🖤

[@raeannek342]

Shan that was a great interview. You balanced out that conversation beautifully. Well done!

[@aidabeyene6834]

This is a fun conversation. As I'm thinking back, I've met some pretty interesting people. I have dated guys that are so different from one another. Spontaneity is very important and I almost always attract that type of person. Once I attracted a great guy that happened to be very regimented and it worked for almost a year and then we hit a wall.

[@PrinceInawRakah]

Respectfully.. you’re going to keep hitting walls because you’re a part of a growing number of women who despise men deep down inside.. and you’re trying to forge relationships with a human that you despise, expecting it to work.. We’re both witnessing an ugly combination of overly apprehensive men fearing the anxiety-spiking nature of female emotionalism… and women not liking men as beings… and both parties seeking companionship.. the man not stating his truth and letting her know his expectations upfront.. the woman pretending to value the utility of a man until she can’t.. You’ve found yourself listening to women who secretly despise men, but also want men around occasionally until he starts to irritate them.. and they trump up all kinds of allegations against the man, both valid and invalid.. providing themselves justification for making a dramatic exit.. diving back into a sea of disgruntled women with lists of allegations.. comparing and contrasting each others lists.. validating each other’s thoughts… Y’all eventually get over the list… y’all seek a man.. you don’t want him to control you… you don’t want him to correct you.. you don’t want him to judge you.. you don’t even truly want him.. just his presence for a time.. you are open to the possibility that maybe he’ll be able to give you reason to fall into place so that he can spread his wings.. most women with underlying disdain for men will not witness such a thing.. most men with a fear of retaliation will never fly.. both parties are afraid to do what’s right.. they only do what’s wrong.. You find a man who doesn’t have any input.. he’s ok with you living as you please until he isn’t.. and when he isn’t.. you get your pen and pad.. and get to trumping up charges… until there’s a new list of reasons to dive back into the sea of loneliness…. You strap on those goggles and dive in.. and the cycle continues.. until you give up.. The most successful marriages in the world are arranged marriages.. the least successful marriages in the world lack structure.. #unsolicitetruth #messagethatwontgetread ✌🏾

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Why does this question ("what do you bring to the table") even get asked? And why are women even answering it? It puts them on the backfoot as if they have to prove something. That's crazy; they're not in court. It's never asked from a curious or imaginative place, but rather a functional, limited and often accusatory one. If someone has to ask the question, then I'm outta there. If someone cannot gauge who I am without asking these rudimentary questions which don't tell you anything of any importance, then I cant help you.

[@shanboody]

I don’t think you have to verbally answer it, instead it’s something internally that guides you as you seek to make mutual connections. As one of the matchmakers said, lean into your magic aka your showcase

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

​​​@@shanboody But you did ask Kiki the question. When people are asked a question, they will try to answer it. This particular question is a red flag imo. I think that there are other ways to do that kind of self examination. The way a question is framed either expands or limits the width and breadth of the "answer". This particular question is too utilitarian, functional and has a history which will block any real insight or benefit. This question is mostly aimed at (Black) women and comes from a very masculine, left brain, reductionist viewpoint. I note that other races of women are not as familiar with this question as Black Women are. A lot of what women contribute to a relationship is often invisible and unspoken, so answering the question in its totality becomes very difficult. The fact that Kiki struggled to answer that question kinda proves my point.

[@shanboody]

LOVED this episode ADORE COCKTALES

[@daphnembah]

I love how Kiki speaks!❤❤❤

[@yannanydeira]

I'm with Kiki and I don't feel the need to explain myself lmao 🤣

[@TBREAKTIME]

Women's names should be on the mortgage even if the man is paying it

[@allthingstwins613]

Not the mortgage, but the deed

[@berrymckockiner5883]

Lmao you're all a walking red flag

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Shouldn't be living together unless it's a prelude to marriage and of course her name should be on the deed.

[@prettybabessss]

im not a 50/50 chick never will be and never have been. if you like 5050 women that pay bills then good for you. i can provide a safe home for our kids, cook, clean, and pour life into you and so much more more. there's so much more a woman can do besides pay bills but i think the problem is the people are trying to date people who clearly dont align with their values. if you are a 50/50 man then date women who don't mind working hard to pay the bills. if you a provider then date women who allow you to pay the bills. simple. and i never had a problem with dating because i don't date men who's values don't align with minds it can all be so simple but people make it complicated

[@beya8955]

Shan love your show and I adore cocktales !!! Just a little feedback sometimes you can come off a little detached or like you are the therapist and your guests are the client. Not sure if it’s intentional but would love for you to engage and share about your own life in these conversations vs spitting facts and research i.e 39:16 Huge fan! Keep doing great work 💕

[@shanboody]

yea I could do that then see ten comments how I make the interview about myself and don't let the guest speak :). This will always be a struggle finding the balance and I'll keep looking at it keeping your advice in mind. Also there are many topics and POVs the guests have that I don't agree or relate to, so the most productive thing I can offer is objective curiosity.

[@shandalie8741]

@@shanboody I actually rlly enjoy you listening and not always putting your own experiences into the mix. Its rlly hard finding a podcast that truly listens to someone elses story w/out interruptions and correcting someone becuz of your own experiences. It's fine every now and then but this is y i come back all the time becuz I can be able to hear someones own experience and story becuz they lived thru it and u bring their story to your podcast and I like how u never judge somoeone else's experiences. This is why you are able to come up w so many topics becuz not every experience is your own. Your daughters will truly appreciate that from u as a mom 🥰

[@ablindingdeception]

@@shanboody ​​⁠​⁠​⁠ just my take on Shan’s approach to responding to the dialogue in this way.. I find it extremely helpful. I think that there are moments that I too do not agree with the guests.. and I find that when Shan does this it brings awareness to the fact that maybe OTHER people in the audience may not agree/understand the viewpoint either. The “therapist” questions allow for further dissection into what the guests are saying. I think it allows for a deeper layer of clarification on their viewpoint. Though it may not change anyone’s opinions on the guest’s statements/viewpoints, I think that it allows for (at least to me) more understanding..

[@prettybabessss]

my friend's have mentioned when they go on dates men only wanna talk about what they do for a living. there's so much more to talk about beyond our careers let's get creative and think outside the box please. when i clock out i'm not trying to think about work at all.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

They're showing her that they have drive and ambition. It's also the WAY they talk about their job/career which could be enlightening.

[@christinarach340]

Uhh, I think it’s good to know. For example I could never date a lawyer or doctor. For one they always busy, and most doctors I have worked with are very flirtatious( in my opinion). So yes what we do for a living matters. I also need to know where you stand financially so I know what im getting into in case we are to be serious.

[@missladymac92]

im glad for these podcasts because these are things and conversations I never would have thought of and they're such better ways to approach relationships and partnerships

[@leejohn_bns]

This was a great ep. I enjoyed the discussion.

[@SweettCurls]

Sprinkle Sprinkle

[@Nemeo]

Very well spoken. the lady in red dress, sounds and looks like Chloe Bailey

[@cherisserichards]

Really enjoyed this conversation ❤

[@SassyL62]

shan could not age more gracefully

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

She's only in her late 30s.

[@crystalrubbie9383]

medinah is funny without trying

[@a_rapidly_deflating_mattress]

The cognitive dissonance in this interview was fascinating. Every response each of them gave to a question directly contradicted the answer they gave to the previous question

[@charmbizzle]

2023 and ppl are still having these same discussions... Everyday, every year, every podcast.

[@jh7161]

I agree, these discussions are played out and dated. These are social media discussions, in the real world people are going about they’re daily lives. These podcast will have you lost, confused, and alone at the end. Good luck

[@only1lsh]

I wish this was the common concensus across all genders when thinking about relationships ❤❤ great conversation

[@shehan7353]

This episode was fire 🔥

[@giselo06]

I need updates on Shan’s journey to make friends. I’m on the same journey

[@DeCurtaRican]

Love the title “cocktails.”

[@ajohonly3721]

Kiki is awesome 😎.

[@princessjade6259]

Let me tell you, I almost skipped the dam video when I started hearing that list of what most people look for 🤣 I said ‘what I can’t be all of that “ lmao

[@Iamtejayking]

Omg the ending story 🔥🔥🔥 love this podcast never a dull moment.

[@yannanydeira]

The sound of that bell in the hello fresh ad was beyond loud, lol im genuinely angry

[@arita9445]

😂😂 same girl

[@AbrielDelaney]

LMAOOO

[@MellyG86]

Wait - which episode is the one referenced towards the beginning (“looking for friends”)?? I don’t think I’ve seen it.

[@ashleygardner6696]

The ending though 👏🏾

[@theplug3102]

It’s the people in the comments for me thinking everyone thinks the same or don’t know themselves. We’re not all out here watching video’s because we need to learn something. There are people out here who are actually aware of themselves and already bring value to ones life. It’s the people like y’all that don’t bring sh’t to anyone’s life & need Shan to break it down for you. This girl isn’t the most intelligent person in the world. Just like therapist doesn’t mean all your problems will be solved. There’s room to learn in any area including the one’s you listen to & pay for their time to. Just because people like y’all and other people in this world that don’t think for themselves and allow society to do it for you. Don’t mean we are all out here with no brain activity. There’s people out here who actually think for themselves & work on self development. Healing from trauma, Being self aware, not repeating toxic cycles of things you grew up around & in. Not having a weak mind when it comes to your habits & allowing external thing’s get the best of you. There’s people out here who actually take accountability for their actions instead of blaming the world or ppl they get with or past relationships etc . There’s people out here that actually have wisdom & knowledge in things to bring REAL value to a persons life. Stop thinking we are all the same & think all the same. I’m apart of the 1% that actually brings value to someone’s life. It’s the people like y’all that try to group everyone in your own BS because y’all refuse to do the work on yourself. You refuse to work on self love & actually learning who you are & be aware of what you are becoming as life goes by. You refuse to learn the important necessity’s in life in order to sustain a long healthy relationship. It’s people like y’all that blame ppl for the sh’t you do instead of taking accountability for the choices you make & continue to make in life that keeps you in the same position. Repeating the same cycle , singing the same tune. Y’all are the one’s that need people like Shan to "Teach" you basic sh’t that ppl like me already know. When I watch video’s like this I watch it for the enjoyment of feeding that part of my brain that loves intellectual conversations or deep dives. I don’t watch it because I’m trying to learn something. The next time you decide to write a pathetic comment like this make sure you include yourself & not the world.

[@DecemberJay_]

Amazing episode

[@SassyL62]

ugh shan is so beautiful!!!!

[@nla5307]

I provide emotional support, Im active - I care for myself, I cook meals, the sex is bomb, I'm understanding, I'm mentally stable, I'll push you when you need it and I'll ride for you and damnit I want to be taken care of financially lol. At 35 now, I just want to pour into my man and our home and there ain't nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different.

[@mickyfingaz]

This is so funny to me. Black women jump on social media and start talking about how they're bosses and CEOs but when a man asks them to contribute some money, they get hot and sweaty and start doing surveys to see what other women are paying for. These chicks actually opened their mouths to say that they'll pay WiFi and buy groceries and put some money on some flights while the man pays the mortgage and all the other really expensive bills in the house. There is a real double standard among these modern, "strong, independent, Black women who don't need a man for nothing". Men have been bosses for a long time and they understand the rules of being bosses and what is expected of them and they rarely complain.

[@matima_asia]

What book are you reading from?

[@maricarmendejesus4216]

What book are you reading?

[@laurajeannedarckagina9637]

❤️❤️❤️

[@ariellewht]

I wish Shan would answer some these questions she’s asking. And in general more interviewers would do that……interviewers always look extremely judgmental while listening unless they are actively responding. Which makes me uncomfortable, like …so what do you contribute Shan. We all wanna know lol

[@toomuchinformation]

At 51:05......how depressing. I wouldn't go to that matchmaker if that's the quality of men she has on her books.

[@IzzyMakesMusic]

Love Shannon love cocktales. Their pod is a little too sexual for me nevertheless they still have great relationship convos. 😊

[@khaliylali7439]

39:15 what do you have, Mrs. Boodram, that your man "wants"? Honest question.

[@toomuchinformation]

You should ask him that.

[@chunk5214]

Didn't i see this

[@robertspringfield6282]

Collectors come after u for wifi, insurances, groceries and vacations?

[@cindylcarpenter-canales5374]

I don’t like most of his advice

[@acetorres8787]

Gold diggers

[@alanetienne9397]

CC THE NEW MISERY INDEX