IMPORTANCE OF BEING FRIENDS FIRST | GODLY DATING ADVICE

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Tune in for episode four on the importance of being friends first! The common dating philosophy is that you get to know the person while you're dating them - find out why this thinking is fundamentally flawed and why getting to know them first is such an important part of building a lasting relationship! Did we miss anything? Drop a comment below!
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💌 SHOW NOTES:
This week we’re covering the importance of being best friends in a relationship - how to build a solid foundation of friendship first and how to continue getting to know your significant other once you start dating them.
(0:48) Being friends first lets you get to know them on a deeper level. You’re not putting your best foot forward.
(0:51) The common dating philosophy of getting to know someone while you’re dating them is fundamentally flawed. You’re introducing emotions into the mix with someone you don’t know yet! Bad idea!
(1:10) By being friends first, you get to see them in different environments and see how they communicate with those around them - their family, friends, teachers, classmates - people they like and people they don’t like. Get to know who they are as a person, not just a love interest.
(1:33) Get to know them in community without an agenda of seeing if they’re bf/gf material.
(2:06) The physical side of a relationship requires a certain level of commitment to be appropriate.
(2:19) If you rush to the physical side, you base your entire relationship on what you do instead of who you are.
(2:33) Build the friendship part of the relationship instead of rushing to the physical side.
(2:55) People often see compromising physically as a substitute for commitment in a relationship.
(3:15) Being someone’s lifelong teammate is based on so much more than superficial similarities.
(3:23) You can see their flaws much easier if you see them as just a friend - people compromise really easily if they like someone.
(4:05) When you ignore little things that amount to a big thing in the end, it’s because you’re looking through a false starry-eyed lens.
(4:17) What does this look like practically?
(4:41) “We’re already friends..” Ask lots and lots of questions! Come up with a list of questions! Check out our free eBook of conversation starters here:
(5:29) Fragile Intimacy explained. You have to have a depth and breadth of knowledge in a person’s life to understand who they are. Different parts of people can influence they way they make different decisions.
TL;DR - Stay in community, build friendships, and ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS! Trust that in making friends, God will lead you to the right one!
Join us next Monday for Episode 5! Any thoughts on the vlog? Drop a comment below! We'd love to hear from you. See ya next week!
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ABOUT: Most of the dating advice out there is on what not to do - join us as we learn and share our two cents on how to actually go about building a lasting, happy, godly relationship from the ground up! Sound interesting to you? Hit that thumbs up button and give us a sub!
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DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts, video episodes, social posts, or other communication through One True Pair (even if referred to as “advice”) is simply our opinion and perspective in relation to our process. Every relationship is going to be different, so we encourage you to use your own judgement and discretion in regards to if, when, or how you apply any of the things we talk about. We’re not responsible for your actions or decisions - positive or negative. YOU are responsible for your own life and relationships. We’re offering our input to the best of our knowledge and with the best of intentions, but please don’t take anything we say at face value. We really hope this resource is helpful to you, but it’s up to you to prayerfully consider and decide for yourself what you want your own relationship to look like. By watching and/or reading OTP, you agree to this disclaimer.

[@buhonero815]

Most of my relationships started out as a friends, it's mostly about not having expectations. Friendship built a foundation and substance in my experience, there's no rush or pressure and I prefer it that way. I am a guy, btw.

[@dariusthurman8835]

The time for friends first was middle school and high school but honestly it usually doesnt work. If youre just friends, someone else is gonna come along and be an actual love interest.

[@ratelhoneybadger]

Lol! As a woman, I can't see myself being relaxed/friendly around someone I have feels for🤷🏾‍♀️

[@kariseqq1188]

Thanks for the advice, that motivates me a lot! I was afraid of confessing to a friend just because I don't wanna ruin a friendship, and also some of my friends told me they won't confess to their "friends category" and that they kind of decide who they see as a potential partner from the beginning but your video enlightens me to step out and make changes with confidence. Thank you.

[@zachmartin2936]

Is it bad that I cried while watching this because I realized just important getting friendzoned actually is when u meet your soulmate?😭

[@Tony-DWK-56]

I enjoyed very much the humor and the collabortive presentation. Please do more on old friends turning into Godly relationships. Thamks!

[@TyraHigh]

As an agnostic this is still valuable, funny and enriching for me. Thank you.

[@onetruepair3932]

Tyra High I'm so happy this has been valuable for you!! Stick around - we're still here and we have a big announcement about OTP coming soon :)

[@acharich]

⚡🙏🏾⚡

[@dawnbarber7980]

Your presentation of this valuable information was refreshing and encouraging. You are exactly right to become friends with someone first. You have reinforced that it is important to like the person (as a friend) as well as love them. Thank you and best wishes

[@stankyrandy]

Thanks for the info! This is so important and grossly overlooked in the toxic secular culture which surrounds us. We pray for God's grace to make us get to know people we feel love for first before anything else.

[@laurenstanfill4198]

That was super helpful. I am so glad I found your channel. I feel like I am seeing relationships in a different and positive way.

[@onetruepair3932]

Yaaaaay! That's wonderful, Lauren!!! So glad you've joined the fam :D Do you have any questions about relationships we can help discuss in future vids? Want to make sure our input is valuable for YOU!! :)

[@lahonymanor2927]

After years of dating guys and not getting to know them first, I've decided I want to have a friendship first and that way I don't find out stuff about the person afterwards when we are already dating. If he can't wait to get into a relationship then he's not for me.

[@LandoCalani404]

This video was in point. Only wished it was longer.

[@cuteandfluffypikachu3405]

I’m only friends with my crush we are close he’s sad if I’m sad happy if I’m happy always wants to hang out I have chronic depression and he’s still there trying to make me feel better 😊😊😊

[@chisatatum649]

How can you get past getting to know someone just as friends that i like? Without the friendship making you feel rejected?. I had a lot of guys back then said they just wanted friends and said that to me but ended up going for someone else who they thought was better looking than me. I was devastated. So lately i met this guy who is really kind and sweet sofar. I tomd him that i like him and I'd like to get to know him more. He said that he likes me too but isn't ready for anything serious bacause he wants to better himself and be able ti have something to offer. At first i felt triggered back to that past insiident so i was about to get up and leave after telling him that i felt rejected. He felt really bad and said no hes not rejecting me he is just not ready at the moment and later he explained deeper that he doesn't want me hurt and that he wants to be friends. He just says he doesnt have anything to offer at the moment. How do i get advice for this?

[@onetruepair3932]

chisa tatum Wonderful question - we're still here and we'll be answering this very soon!!! 😉🎉

[@charlieparks2015]

I can relate. Age Gap relationship can be a challenge. Sometimes the right person at the wrong time is the wrong person

[@ryandawson2877]

Totally get where you’re coming from. I’m going through a situation like this right now.

[@FlyAndNiceEnt]

First you want to love yourself. You should not offer love to someone until you know at the end of the day you will always be ok because you genuinely love yourself and have a deep relationship with The Father. Next if you like someone, you shouldn’t make a fake friendship just to get to know them. If you’re talking or hanging out chances are you both like each other. But again when you love yourself and you know what you will accept and tolerate then you will know if this person is right for you. If you believe in Jesus but the person you’re dating is Muslim or Islamic faith then you should know right away, it won’t work. Don’t try and make a friendship and think I’ll change them. You’ll be wasting your time. Psalms 23 says “Thou shall not want”. Be patient the right person will come

[@onetruepair3932]

Answering your question next week, Chisa! Stay tuned 😉

[@deanndrakeppler]

So real and raw thank you! Takes the pressure off.

[@jenniferl5456]

Thids is such great sounding advice! Thank you!!

[@christopherbarbour1022]

I can understand that relationships takes patience and time though it's easier said than done, as a Christian you want to be safe and find out what kind of person this is of course with appropriate boundaries. But me as a Guy, and a Christian, who's Autistic too, who's experienced friend zones, I've learned that it just doesn't work. And I've learned the hard way. Because you can't guarantee that the person you like will overtime come around. 1. It's impossible for a guy & girl to be just friends if 1 party is attracted to the other on a romantic level, but the other is on a friendship note. 2. A guy is just your friend only because you've made it clear that there's nothing more than that. What most guys do and I've done it too, is that we just accept the friendzone in the way "Godly Way Advice" hoping, trusting, believing, and praying that somehow there will be a small crack in a door of anything that she'll come around. Because we're guys, Godly and all. 3. In reality, it just doesn't work...It brings a lot of pain and dread when someone doesn't see you as a shot on a possible romantic level the way you do towards that person. Overtime as a guy you don't see her a much as a "Friend", you see her just more of an Associate. Because it's simple, if she likes you the way you like her, she'll give you a shot(even if things don't work out). Isn't that the point of dating while there still boundaries? Still getting to know one another(not just only in a romantic way), finding about strengths and weakness, the desire to be given a shot by someone we're attracted to. That's kinda why most Christians just end up dating Non Christians, because there's more open chances for them. That they feel that someone that they like outside the body of Christ is willing to give them a chance on a possible romantic level even if things may not work out(Even at that mostly it does work out) To get to know the opposite sex 1 on 1 that they're attracted with no distractions of other people, an extended time to getting to know one another.

[@debbiebells8561]

Hmm interesting point, but I don't think that most Christians would date non-Christians as a result of that. Personally, I feel like if God knows that we are not in the position to be in a relationship or that the person we are interested in is not ready for a relationship, things won't just work out. But God does want the best for you, so when the time comes, without you in even searching or chasing for a certain someone, God will spring the perfect person on you. You just have to pray without ceasing- 1 Thessalonians 5:17. If emotionally "unripe", even two seemingly perfect Christians can fall apart. Furthermore, the key isn't just to date, the key is to stay and maintain a relationship, till marriage. So even if the person you like ends up reciprocating your feelings, if the relationship doesn't last, you're often better off not dating them in the first place. Therefore, even if you "open up" your dating circle to seemingly "more accepting" people who aren't Christian, sure you may find someone to date, but the key is, it likely won't last to create that beautiful Godly relationship that God so much wants for us, and you may find that you're not even happy at the end. So, I pray for you sincerely that God provides, when the time is right, someone who will love you dearly and someone whom you will also love. Although it may be hard, please be patient because God is in control and even if it seems futile, there is someone who is praying for you just as much as you're praying for them. But in the waiting period, just try to develop and spiritually/emotionally mature yourself as much as possible. All is well. Enjoy the single life as well! It's great!

[@acharich]

💭💭💭

[@ryandawson2877]

It’s not right to date outside of faith, but totally get what you’re saying. It’s probably better to make our intentions known even if we decide to start off as friends. The other party should know where we are.

[@ryandawson2877]

We need to date in Christ, but I totally get what you’re saying.

[@Pinkcandy777]

I feel bit sad. We r friends now for 9 months and he says he loves me but... Still just friends :( 😞 is 9 months too slow? Please. We hold hands but no kissing.

[@blessedupshea5593]

I’m scared of being a friend to someone I wanna date because at any point a time a guy can sweep them from under my feet what if you don’t see them as a relationship anymore they can decide you can stay in the friendzone forever now all that time was for nothing just a waste that didn’t go anywhere 😞

[@acharich]

Sadly many ladies seem to think like that about the "friendzone.."

[@macesunjusttowatchvids5519]

God will lead you

[@ProfitEneh]

You don't get the concept

[@gabbyshines3630]

Y’all should definitely post more I love this video!

[@onetruepair3932]

Gabby Shines You're too kind!! We totally will - we've been working on a lot of other awesome stuff behind the scenes that's kept us from getting any more episodes edited just yet, but hang tight! We've got many more episodes coming soon 😉🎉 Make sure to sub and join the fam if you haven't already!

[@ryandawson2877]

I will say it can be difficult though. I am dealing with a situation like that right now.

[@bitansarkar]

Thank you so much ❤️. I loved your video

[@JesseltonGaming]

I think it really depends on the partner, ive asked her and she said she really wants to be friends first, plus im the only male she was close with. Her way was reallly traditional and she wouldn't want to date someone she doesn't know well as a friendship does. She's just isn't that kind of person.. It's just rare cases i guess. Plus we are young , we literally have to focus on studying and jobs soon, so it's best to be this way until we know each other enough and capable of something more than friends. But everything you guys said are really true whenever I talked to her, she gives out the same opinion.

[@masterchief5437]

This is counter popular teachings - Thanks!

[@onetruepair3932]

Glad it was helpful!

[@childofGod-rq4je]

Wow so much great wisdom in your video

[@kenzo1120]

If y’all believe that bs y’all will finish last

[@AnonymousNP]

Thank you, I like a girl . And have been told to be friends first with her, I am still nervous on being her friend, because I don't want to be friend zoned.

[@bruceklein9917]

Buddy, if you become her friend she will see you as one of her girlfriends and relate to you like that. You need to make your attraction and intentions clear and if she says she just wants to be friends it is a REJECTION, not an offer of friendship. If she does this walk away otherwise you'll just be another male orbiter giving her free attention. Be better.

[@acharich]

@@bruceklein9917 😅💣

[@buhonero815]

What happened?

[@spirituallyconscious7774]

Don't be her friend at all. Make your intentions clear and to the point... Don't listen to the people in the video, the guy in this video is more feminine than the girl he is next to.

[@AnonymousNP]

@@spirituallyconscious7774 okay. I am stuck on this one girl. I've messed it up. Ig. Being to beta. Any way to fix? I'm also gonna start meeting new people soon. Trying to have more options.

[@camilamejia7386]

Your videos are amazing! How do you not have thousands of subscribers?! 😱😭

[@onetruepair3932]

Camila Mejia You're too kind!! Thank you for the encouragement ☺️

[@Timmering]

I like you guys. I am honestly supposed you only have 503 subs! I’ll make that 504 for ya! :)

[@ryandawson2877]

This is good. I have heard some people talk about the fact that friends can never be in a dating/coding relationship with success so this video is encouraging. I hear a lot about the “friend zone “that you can’t get out of. LOL but Christians are supposed to do things differently than the world so this definitely makes more sense.

[@episodechan]

Because with some people you can’t get out of the friendzone with, they don’t see you in that way , and the odds of them changing their mind are unlikely, and even if they show attraction, they might still choose someone ride because they saw you as a friend

[@Timmering]

Wow. I cannot read. Only 308 subs!? That’s less than me and you make way better videos than me in my opinion. I wish you both the best!

[@onetruepair3932]

Aww thank you!! Appreciate the kind words. Thanks for joining the OTP fam :D

[@Timmering]

@@onetruepair3932 :D

[@jacobbenosky6199]

I love your channel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@onetruepair3932]

Pilot 128 YAY! We love that you're joining us on this journey :D We're still here and we have a big OTP announcement coming soon 😎😉🎉

[@christinabr6486]

I meet a guy and going start off as friends.

[@joe10locs90]

That’s facts

[@onetruepair3932]

big facts, my man

[@JohnDoe-fz7hz]

maybe it´s right for the "good girl!" but usually you got Friendzoned because most women expect a badass alpha male and friendzone the beta because they see kindness as weakness.

[@onetruepair3932]

That's interesting - in my opinion, that's the perspective the world is trying to push, but not reflective of the truth. Quality people see quality in people. A quality woman will also see and appreciate quality in a man, and vice versa. If they don’t, move on - you’ll find someone who really does value you for who YOU are. In my experience, blaming rejection on “alpha/beta” perception is just a way of deflecting the real issue, which is either personal insecurity (excuses) or not pursuing quality people in the first place (frustration). Kindness in a harsh world is strength, not weakness :)

[@JohnDoe-fz7hz]

@@onetruepair3932 i also think kindness, empathy and caring are strenght but i never reach success with. And find a high valued person can be hard in World prefer the opposite.

[@onetruepair3932]

You're absolutely right. But be encouraged that the right person WILL value those things. Don't compromise on your beliefs for someone who doesn't even see or respect your quality to begin with :) It'll be worth the wait, I promise.

[@episodechan]

I think it’s still better to ask for a date without trying to be friends first, because then that way you know right away if you both see eachother in that way, a lot of people who started off from friends probably were already in relationships with someone and then when they both became single then they got together

[@TCGBooster]

will yall be creating more?

[@onetruepair3932]

TCGBooster We certainly hope to bring back OTP soon! Each of these episodes took a week to make, and as school picked up we couldn’t find the time to keep creating - but it’s definitely still on our hearts: there are so many more questions to answer, thoughts to share, and conversations to have - I’d love for you to be here for that, so I invite ya to subscribe and join the OTP fam for when we relaunch :) Cheers! - Josiah

[@acharich]

@@onetruepair3932 ah, grace to u.. 🙏🏾 Looking forward to more..!

[@onetruepair3932]

We're back 😎

[@brandensoutdoorb-channel8084]

Need a shovel to get out of the FZ

[@Crackrocksteady]

My wife is a fake as catholic

[@starseedstarseed311]

I always wanted to have a best male friend to marry. But I never have male best friends cause they all fall in love with me😅 Irony.

[@elvisvasquez7553]

Friend first is a horrible dating advice.