IMPOSTER SYNDROME AND BALANCE | Week In My Life As A Yale Grad Student and Business Owner PhD Vlog#6

FINALLY STARTING MY YALE PHD | First Day of Grad School Vlog | PhD Vlog #5
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#YALEPhDStudentVlog

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Btw I don’t know what happened with the audio at around 11:45 and 13:30! Sorry for that!

[@GrowingUpHills]

I have so much doubt in my work that even when I get a high grade I feel like maybe the teacher was busy and just graded quickly, or didn’t read my entire paper. It’s so bad that I don’t even know how I’ve gotten the grades that I have. I’m putting in 100% and still refuse to believe that the work that I’m doing is good. I talk to my mom on a daily basis, and she always says that I’m doing really well and doing better than I think I am. It’s a tough journey, even though I’m only at the beginning , I hope that one day I can believe that my work is actually good.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

I’m so sorry you face these feelings of self doubt. I have tried to change my mindset from what is “the best” to what is “my best”. This way, so long as I am trying my hardest, I can never be too disappointed

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay posting this video! I’ve been experiencing some technical difficulties but I hope you enjoy! I began this video discussing my feelings of self doubt and imposter syndrome and I hope that by doing so, you don’t feel that you are the only one that experiences this 💕 we all have our moments but it’s all about how we overcome it

[@elishapablo1786]

i know Im kinda randomly asking but do anyone know of a good site to stream newly released tv shows online ?

[@seanlukas3300]

@Elisha Pablo i would suggest FlixZone. You can find it on google :)

[@titanachilles7627]

@Elisha Pablo try FlixZone. Just search on google for it :)

[@sarahnicao]

I'm barely 5 minutes in and loving this / relating SO much already, thank you so much for addressing it xx

[@KaelynGraceApple]

💕 of course. Thank you so much for this sweet comment!

[@allysonb2332]

Can fully relate to imposter syndrome especially since I’m starting my PhD now as well! I have to constantly tell myself that I deserve to be here and my mentor wouldn’t have chosen me if they thought I wasn’t able to do this

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Yes! I definitely have the same thoughts. I just think to myself, well I’m here now so I might at well make the most of it 😅

[@gunjanverma585]

Honestly, soon after I watch your videos, I feel so motivated and happy. Thanks! Sending you love.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Thank you so much! It means the world to me that my videos bring my viewers joy 💕

[@TheVintageAcademic]

So cool to see your business and your KZbin blowing up!! And thank you for talking openly about imposter syndrome, it's definitely been a struggle for me so it's nice to hear it from other people

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Of course 💕 it’s so so cool to think that you were one of my first pro bono clients 🥰 and I think that being honest about when we are struggling is almost as important as sharing when we are at the top of our game

[@implussed]

omg "in negotiations with oxford to get my things back" that sounds like such a mess haha. good luck!

[@KaelynGraceApple]

It is a mess 😅 an expensive logistical mess

[@MutazZ]

I can relate... Back to my undergrad time, sometimes I got some results that were higher than I expected, and I just had to face it and accept that I deserve it, even tho I was in doubt. On a side note, I found this channel recently, and have been watching all ur videos for this year... and I must say that I do really appreciate and admire the effort u r putting into this channel. I'm not really into history and such stuff, lol, but I love the content and the inspiration u r giving. Currently working on my Master thesis project and will finish writing it by Dec... Found ur tips really useful about applying for PhD and getting a supervisor. Keep it up, Kaelyn.

[@dominiccarr4062]

Congrats on the distinction Kaelyn. 😃 Equal congrats to Moo on already having built a lair.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Haha thank you! She has now taken all the throw blankets to her crate where she likes to burrow

[@RisIgrec]

I needed this video right now! I've been feeling so much imposter syndrome lately but congratulations on your results :)

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Sending lots of good thoughts your way. It is that time of year where school starts and self doubt creeps in. I'm right there with you

[@haidian1322]

Girl, I get you! I have a big fat impostor syndrome too. Whenever I get an excellent grade, I just can't believe it (literally). It's easier for me to believe that the professor made a mistake than that I earned the grade...

[@KaelynGraceApple]

I get that feeling all the time 💕 I’ve tried to rethink how I view school to not value grades as much as written feedback

[@KristaCannady]

love seeing how you are dealing with all this 🤍

[@KaelynGraceApple]

💕💕

[@MontanaDior]

Whoa, whoa, whoa... did you dump the rest of that green smoothie down the drain?? Ma’am... 🤦🏾‍♀️😤 LOL!

[@caroltansley7363]

I am SO delighted for you!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 You absolutely deserve it!!! I was so worried by your expression and tone of voice at the start of your vlog... Celebrate..!!!!!!! 🥂🍾🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Thank you carol! 🥰

[@EmphaticTrain]

You mentioned self-doubt so I wanted to dive deeper. Usually people tell me Im a hard worker, but I think it's the complete opposite. I don't have the highest grades/scores - not even avg. to be honest. In terms of work e.g. studying - I "slack off," I know I have work to do, I try to do work, people say to get rid of your phone/avoid distractions, but what distracts me is my brain. I just feel burnt out then I realize Ive been staring at the same homework problem for the past 30min. The best way I can describe it is that "I feel tired," "I can't focus," "I don't care." But I do care so why don't I work? Sorry I had to vent. Ive seen a therapist but I wanted to get your perspective since I look up to you.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Hi Jonathan! Thank you so much for being honest and open on this public forum. I am sorry you struggle with these challenges. I used to have similar struggles in high school and community college. Even without distractions, I could not manage to focus or retain information. What changed the game for me was training my brain using its natural reward system. I am very noise sensitive and I love desserts so I would only allow myself to use noise canceling headphones if I managed to focus on work for 5 then 10 then 15 then 30 minutes. When I finished a reading or problem-set, I would reward myself with coffee or a treat. It may sound ridiculous but setting up that reward system helped me to develop better time management and study habits. I don’t know if this is at all helpful to you and I hope you are able to find a solution soon 💕 sending happy thoughts your way

[@EmphaticTrain]

TheRedHeadAcademic thanks for the tips! I love coffee too. I’ll definitely try this out but I’m not worried and I will get over it no doubt. I still get my work done and I do believe in success, nothings going to hold me back!!

[@amywells7353]

UK academic here, 78 is so amazing in our (strange) grading system! My own MA dissertation is due in around 2 weeks, final push now 😅

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Amy Wells thank you for the reassurance! Wishing you the best of luck with your own submission!!!!!

[@MathildeG]

I can relate to the imposter syndrome 100%. I feel like a « second-grade master’s student » sometimes, like I’ve been accepted into the program on accident. I know that isn’t true rationally, but I do believe it sometimes.

[@sisangvonesisangvone6348]

Kaelyn Nice Video 👍👍👍 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇱🇦🇱🇦

[@AER7456]

I would like to see a what you eat in the day! I would be interested to learn some healthy and QUICK cooking recipes - for those with really busy schedules. I struggle with eating healthy *consistently* with my busy schedule.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Of course 💕💕💕 keep an eye out 👀 I’ll be working on this video asap

[@AER7456]

TheRedHeadAcademic Awesome! Another awesome video girly, thank you

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Kylee Clare thank you 🥰🥰

[@franklubatti9312]

I really enjoy your channel. If you haven't done one already, I would love a video of your process reading a history book, taking notes, etc. I am a History MA student and I think that would be extremely helpful.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

That’s a great idea! Thanks for the recommendation! I’ll get working on it 🥰

[@aco4292]

I'm also a red headed phd candidate (in public health tho) and loving you're content. Keep it up! X

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Thank you 💕💕🥰🥰

[@implussed]

would love if you did a cooking video! your food always looks so tasty and so low-maintenance

[@KaelynGraceApple]

You’ve got it 😉

[@NatashaPuryear]

First off I can totally relate to imposter syndrome. Second, I would love to know what you are reading for your methods course. It was pretty neat seeing someone reading Thinking About History at the same time I was lol. This week it is Herodotus to H-Net for my methods course!

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Last week we read Bonnie Smith’s the gender in history and this week is EP Thompson!

[@NatashaPuryear]

@@KaelynGraceApple I am going to have to look into these two. Popkins this week as noted above and Gaddis' Landscape of History next week. I don't think I was quite prepared for the amount of reading so I am taking a deep breath and keep plowing forward

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Natasha Beck-King it always feels like the reading is overwhelming lol you just learn how to prioritize

[@YOGITA-c3w]

I've said this before and I'm saying it again, you're an amazing person Kaelyn! 🌺💝

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Thank you so much for this comment 💕💕💕

[@ilikepersonalfinance7764]

I had to take a 4 hour long examination for my ADD (not sure if that's out of the ordinary--I'm in the military and that's how they did it). Anywho... when I received my results back it came with a HUGE packet about me. I guess like a look inside my brain and how I think. In it, it said that I often downplay my accomplishments and feel that I don't deserve it or didn't earn it. So nice to hear that those feelings have a name! It's a struggle to accept that the life I have made for myself didn't just happen by accident or that I was handed my accomplishments (degree, awards, promotions) simply because someone felt bad for me.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

I think we are often conditioned to mistake being humble for being doubtful and for not being confident in our work. It’s something almost all of us struggle with. Thank you for sharing your own challenges with this 💕

[@zhifengwu2384]

love your content. just wonder how many hours would you say weekly you devoted to your grad study? you seem to have infinite time for everything lol

[@seluita8720]

I feel like an imposter while I'm applying and studying my research topic. So relatable and thank you!

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Of course

[@seluita8720]

@@KaelynGraceApple Yes please! I'm still working on refining my applications and then I am going to set up an appointment with you. My goal is to get everything kind of settle for your consultation by the end of this month. Cross our fingers!!

[@KaelynGraceApple]

@@seluita8720 my fingers are crossed for you! Btw can you shoot me a DM on IG?

[@ball3rinaz]

Hi!! I just found your channel and am obsessed. Where do you find your music? Sorry if you've answered that before.

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Thank you! I get my music on musicbed

[@desireeranocorral9294]

hey! Love your videos I'm also a phd student on international lawt in Spain. I don't know if you're already mentioned this but I was wondering if you had any book recommendations for your class about imperialism and law. Thanks!

[@KaelynGraceApple]

Desiree Raño Corral I don’t have any specific recommendations yet but will be making a semester readings round up video when my course is complete!

[@sisangvonesisangvone6348]

Hello Kaelyn You have Email contact ? Because, I have so many question aks to you !!!