Intense Home Birth Story | 4 Days of labor that didn't go as planned

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[@paigelatham8507]

I went into labor empowered. My labor was QUICK. From the first contraction, mine were never more than 3 mins apart. I arrived at the hospital within 4 hours of my first contraction. Without any interventions, my babies heart rate was dropping, had meconium, AND was surprise breech after being told he was head down the day before. I had an emergency c-section and was holding my baby within 6 hours of my first contraction. Don’t hate the interventions. Be thankful they exist and we live in a day where more babies are born alive and healthy than in previous generations. Your motherhood and your faith don’t depend on your birth story. It was only the beginning!

[@bojeejee2627]

This is why I encourage women they need to be open to everything when it comes to birthing. Because you might end disappointed if it doesn’t go to their plan.

[@StillPooh62]

Normally I am in total agreement that interventions can lead directly to unnecessary C-section. However, I believe in your situation, it was the safest thing you could have done for your baby. If he was sunnyside up (occiput posterior) and his chin wasn't tucked, it would have been almost impossible for him to come out vaginally. Once meconium was present, there would have been a very high risk of him aspirating it into his lungs during vaginal birth. I know it isn't how you wanted your birth experience to go, but I truly believe you got the best possible outcome, given circumstances that couldn't be foreseen. Please don't beat yourself up. And know that a VBAC is entirely possible (although doing it at home is not advisable).

[@bribee037]

This was my exact story as well. 36 hours of labor and my daughter was OP, we tried EVERYTHING. A c-section was the only option. I pushed for over 4 hours. She was not getting out. I could not agree with this comment more.

[@toffyasmr]

@@StillPooh62 she blames her team, but everything happened the way it happened for her baby to be here today so healthy 🙌🏼

[@biancav3909]

I think the medical intervention is what probably saved your lives. Yes women’s bodies are meant to give birth obviously but I think medical intervention is what has helped the number of maternal deaths go down in the us as opposed to those in developing countries. Also just thinking about in earlier times, it was so common for mothers and babies to die during labor. It’s ok for the pain of labor to have humbled you, thankful you and baby are ok 🙏

[@SJ-ru4ej]

The US has one of the highest maternal and infant mortality numbers of developed countries. Interventions are necessary sometimes but its gone too far now.

[@oliviawhitehead1148]

Thank you for sharing this. I'm sitting here crying and reliving my birth story. This is exactly how many birth went. I was so confident in my homebirth and after 60 hours of labor I ended up with a Csection cause I felt like they didn't give me any other option. I felt so defeated and ashamed of my birth story for months and months. There is so much shame with this stuff in the holistic community. When I saw your post I almost didn't watch it cause I thought great another peaceful homebirth that I didn't have. So thank you for being a light to me in the holistic community reminding me that I don't have to be ashamed of my birth story. A side note that has help me heal and maybe will help you. I remember looking at my scar and reliving the trauma every time. I hate it. Then Jesus spoke to me so clearly and said to me "I don't look at my scars think of how traumatic it was. I look at my scars and am reminded of how much I love you and gave myself for you as a living sacrifice". I look at my scar now and I am reminded that i gave my baby girl everything I had and laid myself down as a living sacrifice for her. And you did the same thing for Adriel. Thats birth in general but we have a visible sign of that love for our babies.

[@AmandaEnsing]

You’re amazing and your daughter is blessed to have you. Thank you for this and the Jesus reminder 🥺

[@jeneinstein]

I think that, while feelings are important and valid, birth is not about an experience for you; it is about getting the baby here safely. I've known two women who had stillbirths because their baby was left in the womb too long with meconium, all in the name of having a "natural birth." Yes, women have been doing this from the beginning of time, and before medical intervention, more stillbirths happened and more women died in childbirth. Not all bodies are made to do vaginal births and that's ok. I had a c section at 23 hours of labor and after having previous losses (not having to do with birth), i am just happy shes here... because birth is about the best way for the baby.

[@haleynicolewbu0704]

as a loss mom myself, I love that statement, birth is not about an experience for you, but about getting baby here safely 🙌 it’s so hard not to see the blissful ignorance/privilege in these kinds of stories

[@jeneinstein]

@haleynicolewbu0704 I could not possibly agree more. I love to validate the feelings of just about anyone, but this notion that birth is about you as a mom except for your safety, is mind blowing to me. The goals should be to keep mom and baby safe at all costs. This isn't an experience. A vacation is an experience. A risk you take only with yourself like skydiving is an experience. You don't say you know better than a doctor when it's the safety of your child. You don't go into this thinking of yourself beyond wanting to be safe. I just feel like it's selfish. Her child had meconium. She is lucky he is alive because they did the right thing and gave her a c section urgently. Period. Her baby could be in the grave like others who insisted others and still it's like "they were just trying to scare me. What about my experience?!" Absolutely not.... babies like hers have died because the c section wasn't done in time... but go off about your experience, I guess.

[@MarieKhris8]

As a labor and delivery nurse I appreciate this comment! It’s about the safety of the baby!

[@joycesilva9563]

💯 agree

[@dynastyandrews2416]

I still think that you’re missing the point a little bit. Amanda said that she would do it all over again because Adriel got here safely, however that doesn’t negate that she didn’t get the experience that she wanted. She wanted to give birth in the comfort of her own home with no medical intervention, and she got the exact opposite. She got several interventions that she didn’t want and felt pressured by medical staff to receive, which stressed her out even more in the midst of everything. The focus of labor and delivery is the baby ofc, but how mom is feeling also affects the baby.

[@melurrea286]

Uterine infections are caused by bacteria entering the uterus. Epidurals, pitocin, & antibiotics don't cause uterine infections known as chorio. Mec stained fluid and being in labor for too long allow bacteria to get into the uterus and increase your temperature as well as your baby’s which will end up increasing baby’s heart rate. I’m so sorry your labor did not go as planned. Glad to hear you and baby are well!

[@eveandherapple1619]

My SIL had meconium and had to have an emergency C-section also. She almost died. Her skin was literally turning gray from the infection. She had no epidural and no Pitocin. It’s very possible that the meconium was the catalyst of all of it. I know it was the complete opposite of what you wanted, but if you had forgone the C-section, you never know what could have happened. Maybe you would have been fine, but maybe not. Just put that behind you and thank God for the birthing team who truly did their best to help both you and baby in the best way they knew how.

[@eileenagonzalez1816]

The 9 week ultrasound part is so wild. As a NICU nurse early detection is best so that the team is ready for your baby. I’m so glad God spared her and her baby. Things don’t always go the way you want it.

[@AmandaEnsing]

Ultrasounds provide no health benefits. Any testing can be done without if needed. What on earth did our ancestors do before ultrasounds 😱 I didn’t want the unnecessary radiation in my womb to my baby. Amazing NICU nurses are a God send but I have so many friends with babies that went without needing to, if it wasn’t for intervention that caused the problem and then tried to solve it. They’re all traumatized by their baby being ripped from their womb and wheeled away for days or weeks. The system has most definitely failed women and their babies.

[@amandaleidy]

@@AmandaEnsingi had placenta privia, without an ultrasound me and my ancestors and their baby would have simply died.

[@toffyasmr]

@@amandaleidy exactly, yes our ancestors did it but so many of them died in the process, we gotta be thankful that we have the resources we have, nothing is perfect and we have the options there to choose nobody will force us to do anything

[@toffyasmr]

@@amandaleidy exactly, yes our ancestors did it but so many of them died in the process, we gotta be thankful that we have the resources we have, nothing is perfect and we have the options there to choose nobody will force us to do anything

[@danaabanana]

⁠@@AmandaEnsingthere’s no radiation exposure with ultrasound. They use sound waves.

[@Immuheatchu]

Meconium in amniotic fluid is a call for emergency., its a sign of fetal distress, meaning if you wait for long, you maybe able to deliver but your infant will have complications such as epilepsy and High risk of fetal meconium aspiration.

[@2user000]

I’m so sorry your birth didn’t go as planned. I had meconium too and didn’t know bec my water never broke, I wound up having a full term stillbirth. You are blessed your baby is here mama 🫶🏽 thank you for sharing your story with us 🥰

[@deemoney6145]

I'm so sorry 😞

[@AmandaEnsing]

I am so sorry for your loss 💔😢 You are so strong mama.

[@angelrebekah9153]

So sorry 😢 I have a brother in heaven that passed an hour after he was born. I'm thankful that we get to be reunited one day because of the hope we have in Jesus. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍😊

[@amybracker]

I'm so so sorry ❤

[@LayingInAMeadow]

I pray for you

[@modestyjeanxoxo]

I am pregnant with my 4th, and one thing that I have found comfort in (and again, birth is different for EVERY ONE) is having no plan going into labor and delivery except a safe and healthy baby. I didn’t even go in with preferences. And I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea ❤️ but for me it helped because I had zero stress. I knew that a doctor would be far more educated than I was, and I also knew that my body was designed by God and would know what to do. I didn’t research birth or anything because I didn’t want to scare myself or psych myself out. Nothing. I would research necessary things like “what is safe caffeine intake for pregnancy” or “what is a mucus plug”. You know, general questions, but that was it. I didn’t even attend birthing classes or anything. With that said, I have successfully had 3 vaginal births, and praying this 4th is the same!

[@evahoward3543]

Bottom line... you have a healthy baby. You are blessed. Forget everything else. It doesn't matter AT ALL

[@AmandaEnsing]

I understand the sentiment, I truly do, and I am thankful he is safe but my trauma and pain DOES matter.

[@mentalalchemysubliminals]

Lets normalize happy and mentally healthy mothers, not mothers who have gotten trauma by the medical industrial complex.

[@LaynieLashes]

I am not trying to be rude, I promise, but it sounds like your baby was stuck. I believe my daughter was as well. It took me over 24 hours to get to 9 cms while on pitocin. She wasn't coming down far enough to get me to 10. Then my BP spiked and it wasn't safe to push. You had a super long labor which is hard on mom and baby. He also pooped in you. Your immune system probably was too exhausted to fight it bringing on the fever. It doesn't sound like medical intervention lead to your c-section. You just got dealt a bad hand. I am saying that as someone who did also! I got hit with pre-e after 40 weeks, 28 hrs of labor, an emergency c-section plus two readmissions due to dangerously high blood pressure. Some of us just don't get ideal birth stories..and it is still hard on me to this day.

[@Swizzles89]

I was thinking the same thing. While I do think pitocin can contribute to stress on mom and baby, it's unlikely that an epidural or antibiotics would've caused a fever or led to a c section unless labor stalled somehow (which it sounds like it didn't in this case). The antibiotics were an insurance policy against infection because of the meconium. She may have already had a slight infection from the meconium if she was having a fever. I agree on the bad luck part. I watched one of her question and answer videos before the birth and she sounded so determined to have the baby at home. Having 2 kids myself, I thought uh oh, I really pray that she gets what she wants because labor is so unpredictable. I'm sad to hear that this was the outcome, but c sections can save lives and maybe it saved one of theirs.

[@kimberlyspahn3411]

This 100%.

[@brismuvela3631]

I think the reason things got crazy at the hospital is because of the time it took to get there.

[@jessicamorales4304]

This ! And also fear stalls pregnancy ! It happened to me after water broke . I delivered instantly once doula was at home .

[@gabrielagutierrez1306]

Exactly.

[@Kaluna3]

Im sorry Amanda but if you would have gone to the hospital way sooner and had gotten pitocin you could have probably had a vaginal birth but bc u were acting like a doctor …and delaying the birth this is why it occurred …too long of a labor and stress on baby causes ur fever and c section not the epidural or pitocin….

[@Shaylee2014]

Not you giving medical advice “like a doctor”…

[@SandraSilva-sz3zb]

Agreed. That’s why her baby was at risk for meconium aspiration. A little pitocin EARLY wouldve allowed her to have a vaginal birth perhaps

[@MeganBelanger-bj7yq]

I worked in labor and delivery for over 10 years. 95% of home births do not go as planned and that is ok. There is Nothing wrong with getting a epidural. It was a medical emergency due to the endless hours of laboring and meconium. Thank God for Adriel being in good hands and the advancement of medicine and medical care.

[@angelrebekah9153]

That's not even close to being true. 😂 you only think that because of failed attempts ended up in your hospital. Many women have birthed at home safely! My mom gave birth to me at home on purpose and my dad caught me. I came too fast and they couldn't get a hold of the midwife (before cell phones). My mom also had my brother at home successfully surrounded by only trusted family and a midwife. She's one of millions. How do you think people survived before modern medicine. If your 95% was true, our earth wouldn't be populated like it is. 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ These fear-mongering numbers are stupid and ridiculous. 😮‍💨🫠

[@RawRealLove]

This is not true. 95% of home births do not fail… but yes transfer can happen.

[@taylorduarte6725]

Interesting how the "failure rates" meaning an emergency situation where a woman HAD to be sent to the hospital at my birthing center is 1%. And those that decide they want an epidural and want to be transferred (their choice not due to emergency) is 2%. Which means the birthing center has a 97-99% success rate.

[@MeganBelanger-bj7yq]

@@RawRealLoveI should have worded it as "95% of home births do not go as planned (rather than failed) and end up as a transfer to a hospital. And that's ok! We are so lucky to live in an era with amazing medicine and advanced medical care.

[@MaiyaYonkin]

@@MeganBelanger-bj7yq 95 percent is still wildly inaccurate

[@PrincessYadii]

Idk why people do this to themselves. This is literally how women use to die back in the day. 😒

[@kaitlynn2368]

When I had my baby, my labor started and then all of a sudden stopped a few hours in. I was 39.5 weeks. They only let me wait 12 hours to see if my body started contracting again. It never did, so I had pitocin, epidural, etc. no c section. But I bore the mourning of my ideal birth not happening. I asked God “where are you?” The entire time. This was two years ago and I just recently started to see where He was. Medical intervention was a blessing to me and it is something I should be joyful about. It yielded a healthy me and healthy baby. For that I can rejoice.

[@kmzkmz6375]

Note to ANY and EVERY momma; you can make plans but be ready to throw your ideal plan out the window. Things could go as planned but be ready and welcome the chance that things will not go the way you want. And understand that, that’s okay. It’s okay that your ideal plans don’t work. Being able to adapt to ever changing situations is a skill in itself.

[@deemoney6145]

Totally my sister just gave birth and her plan went haywire..as most do I feel during birth. Sadly, you can't really plan how it'll go there's only so much control we have.

[@AmandaEnsing]

You can make plans but birth is unexpected. Adapting & healing is the best way forward ❤

[@tiaith2266]

That's so true. I always wanted a no epidural birth. After 24hrs contractions and 3 centimeters . The nurse was like u know u don't get a gold medal for not taking one. And then I realize that is so true. I was thankful I took it. Cuz it gave me rest to push.

[@leandraainlove]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear that your birthing experience turned into a c-section. It is so hard wanting a vaginally empowering birth and having to grieve it and give into the medical fears. I'm so proud of you for doing your best!!❤

[@beccaleigh524]

I’m so glad you shared all this. Absolutely no judgement for anything here. I’m pregnant with baby #5 and my 3 sisters and I have all had so many different experiences and no one talks about these things. There are so many people who have a great home birth experience and others who have a terrible experience. I’ve heard both and there shouldn’t be any shame in either a home birth or hospital birth. All of us moms are truly just trying to do the best we can for our babies. ❤️❤️ I definitely believe God was directing your every step and this was exactly the story you were supposed to have and He protected you and Adriel 🙌🏼. Your story will absolutely help others!

[@kristalpota]

Amanda, listening to your birth story gave me chills & tears bc I literally experienced the exact same situation as you. I was in labor at home for 4 days with horrible back labor and the way you felt once you were at the birth center I just knew and felt that exhaustion as you were telling your story. When I took the small amount of Pitocin is when things also took a even more left turn and also HAD to have a C section bc my babies heart rate was low. Thank you for sharing. Afterwards I felt alone and mourned my birth and what I wished would’ve been. God is good and as long as we have healthy babies.. that is all that matters ❤

[@AlaysiaMarea]

This is what happened to me last June! I was given bitcoin and then Babies heart rate was too low, I had to have an emergency c-section. Thankfully I did because he had swallowed meconium and couldn't breathe on his own and spent time in the NICU

[@AmandaEnsing]

I’m sorry you went through this! I’m happy you and baby are safe. That is definitely what matters ❤

[@AmandaEnsing]

Hi everyone ❤ How are you?

[@sarahruiz1215]

Ok, been rough at times but blessed, I am focusing on health right now.❤

[@jcl5611]

Good, in spite of yesterday

[@heathergranite5144]

Struggling a bit but good otherwise. Pray all is well with you and life continues to prosper for you. 💜🙏🏻

[@ElizmaryMB]

😭😭😭 wow !! You are so strong !! I know things didn’t go as planned, but God was with you through it all your story will help so many others. You are now even more educated on how to advocate for yourself for the next pregnancy and everyone else can learn from this as well. My midwife told me I needed my mother during birth, I didn’t want anyone there besides baby’s father but I took that advice and I’m so happy I listened because I really needed my mom in that moment. Both of my deliveries were so different, every pregnancy and birth feels so different. But we can always see God’s love and grace so perfectly after it’s all over ❤

[@jessicadaniel6345]

Thank you so much for being so vulnerable & sharing!! You’re not alone 🙏🏽❤️ I had my 2nd baby girl a few weeks before you had your son & I had to get another c-section b/c her amniotic fluid was so low 😢 I had her exactly 39 weeks on St. Patrick’s Day 💚 I was told you fully heal at 16 months PP in order to have a VBAC. My goal & prayer is to have one! Hope it will happen for you 🥹🙏🏽

[@krystallove100]

I remember commenting on a video when you were pregnant. I said you have to be open to other things because sometimes it doesn’t go the way that you planned. I also wanted the natural birth, wanted all of those things and it went completely backwards. Im not sure what is happened to you to make you believe that medical intervention causes issues. In some cases like yours in mind and may have saved both of your lives. Sometimes when a baby’s heart rate drops and continues to do it, a C-section is in fact, medically necessary unless you plan on potentially losing that heart rate forever .. sometimes you have to leave it in the hands of the medical professionals..

[@Kaluna3]

Totally agree. Basically that baby was stressed due to the long labor and hence why back in the day we had more baby/mother mortality but if you would’ve been in the hospital sooner your baby would not have had meconium and you would not have had a fever bc your birth wouldnt be so long bc they would give u pitocin .. i get that you want a natural birth etc but in these situations it makes sense to use medical advancements and knowledge

[@CarlyGoodcuff]

I’m so sorry your birth didn’t go as planned. I can relate so much!! I also had a homebirth planned,my water broke very early on (before any intense contractions started), and I also had meconium. I labored at home for 30+ hours then my midwife suggested a transfer due to risk of infection as well. Took me a long time to process it, and I feel like I still am. We can make all our own plans but ultimately God is always in control and knows what’s best. Your son looks so handsome and healthy, and he’s blessed to have you as a mama!! 🤍

[@alysamorley3570]

I'm glad you and your baby are okay. I have brain damage because of things that happened while my mom was in labor, and the only reason I am alive today is thanks to an emergency c-section. Sometimes intervention is needed.

[@ReynaDaily]

I had 3 csections. Had planned on an all natural birth with my first. I was so adamant on not having any meds or intervention and I labored in the hospital for 3 days. Apparently, my pelvis was misshaped and babies can’t come out naturally which caused my cervix to swell shut. My midwife had to basically tell me it’s me and the baby if I don’t get it for me to agree. I’m sorry for what happened to you but sometimes, it is necessary and God has blessed us with medical teams to help intervene in His will. It took me years to come to terms with my csection but man, God is soo gentle and good. Thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@The_QueenVee]

Im glad you and baby were safe ❤ I was so set on an unmediated natural birth . I was in prodromal labor for 3 days! contractions 5 mins apart and little to no cervical change. I was desperate for relief and rest , as soon as I got an epidural my body was able to relax and rest and I dilated so fast. I hope to have my dream birth one day. Thank you for sharing your birth experience mama. Xoxo

[@AmandaEnsing]

I’m so glad the epidural helped you and you and baby are safe ❤

[@micheleferraz]

I’m listening and crying… what you went through as soon as you got to the hospital was exactly what I went through. My boy is 2 years old and I couldn’t watch my birth yet. This system is just so wrong and scars us for life 💔 However we have the biggest gifts of our lives now… I would go through hell again for him. Sending you my love, my support and healing.

[@tiffanyms2881]

Everyone please understand that this is HER story. It doesn’t have to be YOURS. There is nothing wrong with doctors or giving birth in a hospital. God forbid something bad were to happen, guess where you’d be? A hospital with doctors and that’s ok. Congrats to her. 100% but we are all individuals. ❤

[@PrincessYadii]

Fr. Like i never understood why people do this.

[@mariahw653]

I had a hospital transfer, and I 10000% will still be doing a home birth for my next baby. Fear mongering women into hospital births is so ridiculous.

[@mariahw653]

Hey, hospital transfer girlie here ❤ my heart broke when you said you had to agree to a c-section. I had my baby girl November 2023. Labored at home, God was WITH ME the entire time. I got to 9.5cm at home, but then she had meconium staining. That car ride really is the worst thing in the world. I had to get an epidural, and the worlds smallest dose of pitocin. However, praise God I was able to vaginally birth but I was 🤏 close to a c-section. You are so strong mama, and you can have a VBAC at home next time ❤❤❤ I think the cascade of interventions did lead to a c-section for you, but they scared you and I’m so sorry. Your baby boy is such a chunky handsome boy and God loves you! 😁

[@cindyb907]

As someone who had a hospital birth, a lot of the procedures they do is unnecessary and I realize that even staying there for 2 days isn't necessary at all - just racking up a bill. Also, they are unnecessarily rough with newborns when they first come out and didn't give the baby to me immediately seven though I asked repeatedly. As a first time mom, I needed to experience that process. I do agree if there is an emergency, then hospitals are the way to go. But with my second one on the way, I plan on not going to a hospital and prefer a midwife birthing center. It just makes sense to me.

[@angelrebekah9153]

And some women have horrible hospital experiences. My mom had one of them and decided to have me and my other brother at home. Hospitals like to push vaccines and even like to separate mom from baby. Not to mention have mom's give birth to their babies on their backs, which is a horrible position to be in! The list is long why women are wanting home births more than ever and that's ok. 😉

[@ErinWalker-je4vw]

This will help tons of would-be moms. It’s great you posted this.

[@Abbyfair]

Amanda I’m so sorry your birth didn’t go the way you had wanted. I’m proud of you for going through it, healing from it, and talking about it. I believe you will have such a redemptive peaceful home birth one day! Praying for you and your family always.💗

[@AmandaEnsing]

Thank you 🥹🙏🏽

[@jessicakeith8719]

When both of my babies were placed on my chest I was so worried that they weren’t crying (thinking maybe something was wrong) and my dr reassured me they were fine, they are just at peace whenever they’re on their mom after birth. Nothing compares to that moment. ❤️ thank you for being so vulnerable to share your story. ❤️

[@amandaleidy]

Without pitocin i would have died. I tried to have a very natural birth and i did deliver in a tub, but i am an unusual case where i dont feel contractions unless im in active labor. I NEED Pitocin to contract bc after delivery, i simply stopped contracting and hemorrhaged. I would have died had i not had medical intervention. I dont think you realize how many women and babies just literally died before we had medical advancements like we do. The hospital and medicine is such a gift. Not all women just “have bodies that do what they need to”.

[@nathaliemora4933]

I really appreciate that you shared your story with us. I’m sorry your plan didn’t go the way you planned, but thank you again for sharing! ❤ God bless you and your family!

[@ericmonnin3753]

Four days of labor is insane. YOU ARE SO STRONG for taking the pain for soooo long!!! My labors have been between 9-12 hours max med free natural births (3 babies here, one in hospital, one at home and one at a birth centre). And I don’t think I could have taken it much longer than that. You are a damn champ for hanging on soooo long! You brought me to tears multiple times during this video, I could just feel what you must have been feeling, all the emotions with everything that was thrown at you. My sister had a similar experience, wanted a home birth but got stuck at 9cm and ended in a c section. In the end what matters is that baby got here safe 🥹 it’s so hard in the moment to make decisions especially when so exhausted and in so much pain. You are amazing ❤️

[@jessicamartinez7454]

My birth was the same story as yours. I prodromal labored for 4 days. Went to hospital, got epidural because I was beyond exhausted… it didn’t work, I pushed for 2 hours and my shoulders spasmed on top of laboring because of all of the tension I put on them through prodromal. Next thing you know I was fear mongered into them using clamps after telling them no. They tried twice. Next, thing know I was wheeled off to ER C-section. My BF couldn’t come with me, he was sick to his stomach. I was put under because the epidural didn’t work on me. I missed my son’s birth and it killed me. I woke up alone, scared, no one beside me, not even my baby. I had to work up saliva for a minutes to ask what happened. It was awful. I’m thankful and lucky my baby is 14 months old today and he is amazing.

[@samgregoire6162]

I’m so sorry girl that you went through all that. I work in L&D and I’m telling you, home births are so unsafe…there are two many things that can go wrong..I see it all the time. Every patient that wants that gets disappointed at the end results because nothing followed that “birth plan”..you have to do what’s best for baby and to me why would you want to put baby at risk at having a home birth!?

[@heatherlaurenRN]

I think chances are that because of the meconium being present and i think you said you had a temperature as well, that his heart rate increased because of infection rather than the pitocin or epidural, his HR would have increased without those interventions. so, being a nurse in this field, it does sound to me like it was a medically necessary cesarean. And im super pro-unmedicated hime births with midwives too. to me, you did everything right so I hope youve been able to process your experience and come to terms with it. It is a great story to tell to help others understand that regardless of your ideal birth, there will probably always be unexpected events you have to flow with.

[@toffyasmr]

Also I remember how hard you were before birth saying that no matter what your body can do it and almost making us some moms feel guilty but we learn, we shouldn’t judge anyone and make anyone feel any type of way with their decision because we don’t know what could happen

[@Jennv1991]

100% agree with you. If you look at her previous video she talks about how pain is subjective during labour, how hospitals aren’t it for childbirth, how it is all in your head basically, how she would never get an epideral, etc. During labour you get humbled real quick.

[@kristinalaforte7820]

@@Jennv1991all the stuff she talked about before backfired!!! That’s probably why it took so long for this video ! I’m sure she felt some stupidity! Drs and nurses know more than her books and google . My niece tried the same bull. Well the cord got wrapped around his neck . They told her she needed a C section . She said no no no . Well long story short … trying to save this baby the arm was broken . This was last year and I still won’t talk to her !!! Narcissistic people suck !!!

[@KSUGunGirl]

​@@kristinalaforte7820 sounds like your niece is better off without you. What a ridiculously nasty comment. I'm not even going to counter your claims that drs and nurses know more and you bet she feels stupid. You are not a kind person and should consider not talking to more people like you don't talk to your niece!

[@AmandaEnsing]

I stand by everything I said during pregnancy. If you or anyone else feels bad or guilty that’s on you. Our bodies were meant for this but my team didn’t back me up at the hospital and I was beyond exhausted. I didn’t have the strength to fight anymore. I never judged anyone or said that I did who used medical intervention. I encouraged women to believe in their body’s capability to birth and stick with a plan that made them feel safe. I never condemned anyone. I discussed the failures of the medical system who treat pregnancy like a disease or something women need saving from. Empowering women is not judging them.

[@AmandaEnsing]

I don’t feel guilty or dumb. Your comment reflects yourself.

[@kelsiegajewsky2943]

I have been following you for awhile and never realized you had a c section! I did too - in Sept 2022. It was horrible. Not an emergency but still horrible. Basically my water broke but I wasn’t in labor, I was barely dilated to a 1. After 27 hours of labor baby and I started getting an infection which led to the c section. My incision got infected though and I had to get recut open a few weeks later and it had to heal naturally (no stitches or glue). It took five months. I am pregnant again and going for a vbac in November. Putting my faith in God that it won’t be like that again. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes we just get dealt a bad hand but I find comfort in hearing others stories and sharing my own. ❤

[@mariimichelle]

I had a cesarean section with my son. I was induced early in the morning, the doctor broke my water, meconium was present! Doctor allowed induced labor that didn’t progress , 15 hours worth! I ended up having a cesarean a little after 9:00pm. The epidural was horrible, legs twitching uncomfortably 😣 son was unresponsive when delivered. He eventually started crying and was taken to the NICU for a while. I was sent home from the hospital with an infection in my incision, one of my lungs collapsed shortly after I got home! My son was 9lbs 3oz 21” and healthy otherwise 🩵 🧸

[@xoxomoniqua]

So happy to see your video posted! ❤Today’s my 30th birthday, dealing with a health issue that doesn’t allow me to eat solids at the moment but Lord willing I’ll be able to one day. But came here to say seeing your pregnancy and your faith in the Lord, I have hope I can become a mother one day 🙏🏼

[@minasceramics]

Praying for your healing 🙏🏼

[@xoxomoniqua]

@@minasceramics thank you so much 🙏🏼❤️

[@shirleyrojas8882]

Gosh your birth story shook me to my core. And all I kept on thinking while listening to you was just awe of mothers. We are strong, God truly made us so remarkable ❤

[@HeythereHelena]

thank you for this amanda ❤ this was comforting to hear because i had planned the “perfect natural birth” and none of it went to plan. baby was breech and i had to have a c section. it was very comforting to hear that i wasn’t alone.

[@AmandaEnsing]

You’re not alone!

[@toffyasmr]

I had a similar story in terms that I was in a vulnerable place in my life in that moment and said yes to many things I knew I shouldn’t have said yes, now I always recommend have someone to talk for you and knows what you want because later on this will mess with your head so bad

[@emilymadison953]

I am at a loss for the right words. You captured and covered everything so beautifully. Thank you for sharing this story and spreading education to future mothers. So happy you found peace in your story.

[@kellied1061]

We have a very similar story. The healing is hard, you’re right. It does get better but never goes away. The feeling of not having the birth that you had hoped for. I was also the same and determined for one thing to go how I wanted and I ended up exclusively breastfeeding my first for 22 months! There is a lot of healing feeling like you failed but you know you didn’t. I’m glad you shared, I’m there with you and it’s been almost 11 years now ❤

[@catherineeubanks3084]

I have 3 kids, but I had my first baby at 21. I was naive and ignorant and had absolutely no idea about procedure at hospitals or anything about birth in general. I was induced at 40w 5d and it was instant pitocin, epidural (which I did want), cervical checks, etc. I was only in labor for 21 hours before having my daughter but about 20 minutes before giving birth, my “doctor” got close to my face, looked me in my eyes, and said “you’re not going to make it to 10cm”. I was literally dilated to 9cm when she told me this. She told me I needed an emergency c section because of my daughter’s heart rate dropping and my heart rate spiking because I was terrified. I had 2 nurses, who I will never forget, because they were my angels, pray with me and whisper to me that I was doing great and I did not need a c section. 20 minutes later I had my daughter. No issues with her birth at all. I was on Medicaid at the time and call me crazy but I think they just saw dollar signs and were impatient because it had been almost 24 hours. She’s 10 now and I’m still traumatized from that labor. My second and third births healed me from a lot of that because even though I still opted for epidurals, they were so peaceful and I had a different doctor who was amazing.

[@AmandaEnsing]

I’m so happy you had those nurses! They definitely saw the $. Those nurses were angels!

[@christina5kids16grands]

Amanda, you are such a strong woman to come out and say the things you've said here. I haven't even started reading comments because I worry about people being rude or arrogant or know-it-alls. I want you to know that I had a vbac - at home - everything went great and got the dream birth I longed soooo much for. As a mother of 5 married kids and gma to 16, I've been a part of a lot of births, and the ones without any intervention are always the least risky. Always do whats best for you and your family, but you can have the birth you want, and I believe one day you absolutely will.

[@yeajustchillin8904]

Wow 😮 I actually needed to hear this. As someone who loves watching home births and aspire to have one myself I have this image/plan in my head that it’ll be peaceful as others if i meditate hard enough and give it to God. But to know (and realize now from your story) birth can change at any second you can only be ready as much as you think. Your story has put it in perspective that anything can happen! And thank you for talking about it and sharing it on the internet! Which can be scary. Thank the Lord your baby is here, healthy, and you are able to nourish him. He is so precious and I pray for you that you are blessed in motherhood ❤

[@lupim25]

Gods timing and God’s will is perfect. Sometimes we are set in our plans but God will turn it around, humbling us and reminding us that his ways and will are perfect. This experience was intense for you and grieving the birth you longed for is normal. But thank Jesus that your son is okay. I hope even though this was really hard, you were able to gain spiritual growth and wisdom through it. Thank you for sharing!

[@jennifersalvador6517]

Thank you for sharing your story 💕 6 months here and everyday I’ve been learning a lot about different deliveries and what to expect when not expecting. I’m pushing for natural birth, but fear it’s not gonna go as planned. Staying positive and praying 🙏🏽

[@1maripaul]

Congrats! Finally some good news after last night. Wishing you al the best going into this wonderful life I'd motherhood❤

[@TheresaSpeziale]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I also had a 4 day labor that was a planned home birth and ended in a transfer/C-section. You and I had our boys just weeks apart. Over a year postpartum and I still have moments of grief, anger, sadness over it AND at the same time I am so grateful to God that he put me through the experience as I have gained so much empathy and wisdom. I realize now how instinct injured I was before this experience and am thankful for the opportunity to repair that inner knowing that God gave us and feel bold enough to express it fully. I truly feel that my first “intervention” was calling my birth team to my home. The smallest things can disturb the process and inviting people into the space put me in my logical mind and out of the zone. They had other births to attend to and were in and out during those 4 days. I felt like an inconvenience. Despite me not wanting any cervical checks (and telling them not to ask me) they became impatient and convinced me to get checked several times. On day 4 they convinced me that something must be wrong because of how much time had passed and that I needed to transfer. My intuition said otherwise but I abdicated my authority when I allowed others into the space. I put way too much power in my birth teams hands and despite my inner knowing I transferred. At the hospital my husband thankfully acted as my body guard and said no to epidural, pitocin etc. The hospital staff did not like how strong we were together and after a few hours they separated us. They told my husband to come into the hallway and the doctor told him our baby would be brain dead or dead if we didn’t get a C-section right away because his heart rate was dropping. My husband gave them the ok for the csection in that moment and I agreed. Looking back we realize that we were gaslit by everyone that day. The midwife didn’t come to the hospital with us because she had another birth to get to. She gaslit us into thinking our lives were in danger because she needed to get rid of us. The doctors were frustrated that we wouldn’t accept any interventions so they separated us and pulled the dead baby card to convince us to have the ultimate intervention- surgery. I believe in Gods hierarchical order. God-Man-Woman-Child. When a woman is in labor that hierarchy is so important. There is such a wonderful connection between woman and God in the birth space and the man is there to protect that space for her. When someone else (midwife, hospital, doula etc) is invited in it disrupts that line of communication. The signal becomes fuzzy. God is replaced by the medical provider, the woman’s intuition is questioned and the man is unable to protect. That’s how I’ve come to see it and next go around we will be using an unlicensed midwife who is not working in fear of (long labors, meconium, past due etc.) because her license is not at stake. And we will not call anyone until birth is imminent or until after the baby is born to prevent disruption. Im so sorry for the way your birth was meddled with both at home and at the hospital. Im so sorry for what you went through. It’s a terrible feeling when you have a baby but your body missed the process of birth - it feels unnatural and like you didn’t fully complete what you set out to do. At least that’s how it feels for me. I’ll list some resources below that have helped me in my healing/processing. Praying for you and for a redeeming birth! Healing birth podcast (there’s one on there with a 6 day free birth! And the podcaster Diana Fursells birth story may be one you can relate to as well) Kelly Brogans podcast with Eyla Cuenca Kelly Brogans podcast with Yolande Norris Clark Homebirth after cesarean podcast @bauhauswife @ajoyfulbirth Audrey Ross @takeyourbirthbystorm @eyla_cuenca_birth

[@moni7vel]

Thanks for sharing!!! Literally crying and I’m sure most of us mommas can identify with you. Completely understand the whole thing about not wanting anymore kids, and then all of a sudden you’re like “I can do it again.”

[@carissalaurenv]

Wow I’m literally in tears watching this. Thank you for sharing. I just gave birth to my second and realized that no matter what things are always different. But knowing that God is and was in control each time is everything and watching your story not only made me relive my experience but understand and even more comforted that no matter how things don’t seem to go our way God is apart every moment with us. I just know he was there with you in all of it too. ❤

[@stephmacfarlane577]

I found out I was pregnant right around the same time as you and have been following along with your journey and can relate so much. I wanted to do things naturally as well and ended up having an emergency C-section. A year later I can say my birth trama and terrible recovery still effects me and mourn the birth I was hoping for. Leading up to my labour I prayed so much that my birth would avoid that medical intervention but sometimes God has other plans. 🤍 I’m learning everyday to trust Him even if things don’t look the way I thought it would. Just so thankful for my healthy baby boy. It can be hard in the holistic community but thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me more than you would know! 🤍

[@emilymarshall9774]

I could have written this myself! I relate to all of this so hard. We actually had the same due date, and I went at 39+5. Same as you I had in my head of the natural birth I wanted, but my water broke before contractions ever started. After 30 hours in labor, I got a fever, and my daughters heart rate was struggling, so that’s when my interventions started and of course it went downhill from there. Biggest takeaway, as much as I researched and read and prayed for the birth I wanted, there was still so much out of my control, and if being prepared and prayed up was all it took, well birth would be a breeze! I was depressed for weeks afterwards, like you said mourning what I desired and hoped for and sad that my daughters entrance into the world wasn’t peaceful. It takes a long time to process! Thanks for sharing your story with us ❤️❤️

[@AmandaEnsing]

I’m sorry it didn’t go as you desired. Happy you and baby are safe ❤

[@HolidayLynn]

I was so young when I birthed my babies, I wish I was fully educated when having my babies and being able to do things MY way and not what the nurses and doctors wanted. I would have loved a home birth. I had an emergency c section with my last baby and the mental toll it took on me made it so hard to recover. I’m glad you had a healthy baby and God kept you both safe! ✨🤍

[@Alexapurplepink]

I also had the same C-section experience last year. Started as an induction, epidural and pitocin. My baby’s heart rate was racing and dropping as well. They broke my water and then added some fluid back around. Went from 9 months of being head down, to upside down face up within a couple hours and the emergency C-section was called for the life of my baby. Thank God my loved one was and is protected by God. It is so hard to wrap your head around- was it the hospital or because the induction and medicines. But either way, I was also in an incredible amount of pain post C-section. Honestly hands down the scariest most pain I’ve ever been in. One year later, I don’t feel like myself still. I had to be strong for my baby of course 1 week after birth because I have no one other than my husband and he had to go back to work. The pain. Honestly felt like I couldn’t stand straight for 3 months. I was so scared to feel that tight rip. It was not enjoyable. Jesus also protected my baby as he had the extra fluid in the lungs from being cut out. In the nicu in the hospital and had to sneak out of the room and spend my entire week of recovery by my loves side. I don’t know if I can go through it again for another baby. But I know that I did the best for my love and I am strong because I went through this. Women are amazing, strong and powerful! Your birth story is yours. Only women can do this and our bodies where Jesus placed the most perfect blessing to grow. I loved seeing my perfect baby in awe of what you go through to hold them. Thank you for sharing and being brave for us ❤ a lot of our families don’t care post pregnancy and it’s so great to have a baby a little younger than your adorable little, to see grow and watch your strength and learn from you. Thanks for showing all these new things to learn and strengthen my relationship with God❤

[@LeaneseNicole]

VBaC momma here and here’s what I’ve learned: a mom is a mom is a mom ❤ you are a warrior and I pray your next birth experience is the VBaC you desire ❤

[@jessicabeeler6735]

Thank you for sharing 💕 I labored for days for my second birth. Turns out he was face up, and had shoulder dystocia. They didn’t realize it until he was too far out to go back in for an emergency c-section. I will never forget the complete calm my doctor had, telling me he was sorry, them handing him scissors for an episiotomy, the rush of nurses in who would attend my baby, the doctor pulled him out. I had 3rd & 4th degree tearing on both ends of the cut, and a broken tailbone. The most traumatic experience of my life. My baby was ok but I grieved the experience. I did recently have a very redemptive birth with my daughter 💕 4.5 hr labor, she birthed herself.

[@reignrainreyes5890]

God was so good to me, I prayed for a supernatural birth and I thought that would be it being less painful but it came as my labor AND birth being a total of 2 hours! Having worship on was extremely helpful, but all glory to God🙌🏽 Glad we got to hear your story and how everyone’s is different.

[@KaterinaMelnik37]

I’m so proud of you for sharing this. I know it’s very vulnerable especially coming from the holistic world. I am excited for you to experience this again, knowing what you know now will really empower you all the more to advocate for yourself, whatever that may look like. You’re just glowing. I’m glad you waited until you healed to share it. Even though you grieved the birth you didn’t have, You’re not sharing it with shame but with hope.❤ Having two home births myself, first one being really hard, I just wanted to share that the second time around was truly redemptive. To add, I loved wearing earplugs and eye mask when I was in labor the second time, makes you really internalize, focus on relaxing and only breathing and staying in control and forget about time or how long it’s taking. this made a huge difference for me the second time and I will be doing it again for all my further births. Motherhood looks amazing on you, and can we just admire how beautiful and feminine you look here?! like a real life princess 😍

[@megmaguire7918]

Thank you so much for sharing your story 💛 the part where you described you just wanting your son to he safe and healthy made me cry because i was in the same boat. My son was born in June 2023 - i planned a homebirth and labored at home for 72 hours before tapping out to transfer and opted for a c section because i was so afraid of getting the intervention run around. My contractions had gone from 3 min apart, up to 8 and then back down and then up again. 3 days of trying my absolute hardest, taking homeopathics to speed labor up and arnica to help my swollen cervix relax.. nothing worked. My son was born with meconium in his lungs and needed to be transferred to the NICU for 3 days which ended up being the worst, most trumatic part of the birth. I am still processing and feeling all the feels but now that his first birthday has come and gone, parts of our story feel lighter and easier. Now hearing yours and being able to relate after hearing so many ideal homebirth stories that suddenly became so triggering. Sending you and your family so much love

[@isabelledavide-ib4ue]

I was waiting for you to share your story because I had a feeling ours would be similar, and wow. They are so close. My homebirth turned c-section absolutely broke me. The feeling of failure still hasn’t left. Going into it knowing all of the negatives about the interventions made it so difficult to forgive myself. But if God forgives us, who are we to not forgive ourselves? I’m so happy that you’ve been able to come out from under that cloud. The fact that God blessed us with two healthy babies is a miracle, but it does not take away from the grief of losing that undisturbed birth we both yearned for. I still believe it’s possible for us. All we can do is learn more, and better prepare for the fire walk next time. Sending love to you & and your precious boy, Thank you for sharing!

[@em330961]

The chills I have listening to your story once you get to the birthing center. I did not want to have a natural home birth. I planned to go to the hospital to have my baby. But I did not want an epidural so soon, I did not want pitocin. But in the moment I agreed. Nobody spoke up for me when I couldn’t. My son had meconium. His heart rate spiked. They gave me antibiotics. Which I reacted to. Ending in c section. For my daughter, my second. I had drs on board for a vbac. I ultimately decided a week before her due date to schedule her c section. I do not regret that. Totally different and better experience than my son’s birth. Not traumatic. Not a failure. I got to choose. And it was a perfect experience. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@JenJenCoco]

All this when you could have gone to the hospital and been checked out and had him in one day. Why do you think so badly of hospital births and not like doctors? That’s what they are there for!

[@schebad]

Im not even in a relationship but the thought of birth terrifies me. I so badly want children and I don’t want my fear of pain to keep me from creating life because it is a commandment from God, but boy am I terrified of the whole process…. So happy you have your baby boy with you and that God spared your life as it is not promised! May God continuously bless you and your womb!

[@AmandaEnsing]

I used to be afraid of birth as well before meeting my husband! Even after an intense labor, I can’t wait to do it again. Do not fear says Jesus ❤

[@resttharpe1686]

I wanted to go natural, but I also knew I wanted to do it at a hospital. I also labored for 4 days before my baby girl decided to come. By the 3rd day, when they offered epidural, I took it without hesitation and I am so glad I did. About a day later, I pushed my baby out vaginally within 10 minutes. I prayed for a pain-free birth, but did not experience that. I’m just grateful that she was healthy and that I pushed her out quickly and without any tearing. The recovery was quick as well. My epidural did not lead to them inquiring for Pitocin. In fact, she was born at 36 weeks so they were trying to keep her in me for another week at least. Pitocin was not an intervention deemed necessary for my case because of the situation I was in. I think the reason they pushed pitocin on you was because it was medically necessary. I’m sharing my story so that you can see that medical interventions doesn’t always lead to c-sections. I’m pregnant again with my second and I’m opting for a home birth this time around, but I’m also totally fine with doing whatever is best for my baby. ❤ God bless you sis. (Also I had like 12 ultrasounds done because I was considered high risks. The radiation, thankfully, did not affect my baby)

[@AmandaEnsing]

Thanks for sharing! I think if I would've had the epidural only, things may have gone different. It was after the pitocin that my body was shaking, then fever, then antibitoics and so on. The interventions don't always lead to sections but it is so common. I think our C section rate in America is 32%. It is 1 in 3 births which is insane.

[@Marii.793]

Im so sorry your birth didn't go as planned. With my firstborn, I had an extremely traumatic birth also, but at the time, I didn't know anything. I just assumed drs knew what was best. I had the cascade of interventions that caused similar reactions as yours did minus the c-section. I have been blessed to have had a beautiful pregnancy and birth the 2nd time around 🙏🏼. I planned on having a midwife and homebirth and at 37 weeks I ended up firing my midwife and having an unassisted birth. God saw my pain and knew my heart needed redemption, he knew I needed to do it this way and I am so grateful for the strength he gave me and the confidence. I know you will get yours too, Mama ❤. Sending you a big hug 🫂. Your beautiful baby boy is blessed to have you 🫶🏼

[@Kimberly-mi5wl]

The epidural/pitocin combo aided in an avoidable cesarean for my first baby BUT happy to say I’ve had two natural vbacs since then 💕 There is always redemption!

[@katereaves8710]

I can relate to the story so much because I was pregnant with twins, and wanted the natural birth as well and wound up getting a C-section just like you, and it was traumatic. I’m glad you’ve healed and God got us through. Amen.

[@carolinasouth3117]

Wow… I completely understand why it took you over a year to tell your birth story! I also planned and thankfully had an unmedicated vaginal birth at a birthing center that did zero hospital like interventions. I now know how luckily I was to only labor for a day

[@lunababe]

We have a similar birth story. My pregnancy was easy up until the third trimester. I ended up getting a rare form of arthritis and cardiovascular problems, but my baby was completely fine the entire time. That’s all I cared about. I was getting ultrasounds & weekly NST’s almost every week the last few weeks of my pregnancy. I was laboring for 4 days and although I didn’t plan an at home birth, I was also medically induced and ended up having to have an emergency c section due to my baby boy having heart decelerations. It was so traumatic. I had my baby almost 3 months ago and I can’t even think nor talk about my experience openly with others without breaking down into tears. That was the first time in my life where I FEARED for my life. Fear of losing my baby. Fear of me not coming out alive. Fear of something going terrible wrong. Thank the Lord we’re alive & well, but I feel so robbed. You are not alone 🤍

[@claudiavillasenor3306]

Thank you for sharing your story. I had a similar experience with my first baby, I had planned my entire pregnancy for a natural birth & ended with an emergency c-section. Not only was that traumatic to my body physically but I suffered tremendously mentally for years. I to this day I can sob just thinking about it, my baby ended up in the NICU, it was terrifying, but I have overcome that. I had a beautiful v-back with my second baby. Everything went smoothly and I thank God I had the experience I did, God rewarded me with the most perfect experience.

[@jourdanbebee]

Thank you for sharing your story. I had some similarities with the birth of my first and struggled with how what I wanted didn’t go as planned. But the most important thing is that our babies are healthy and it all ended up working out ❤

[@Kompromissloser_Glaube]

From the bottom of my heart: thank you for your honesty. I can’t tell you how grateful I’m for your transparency. I needed to hear your story and I appreciate that you shared it in such an honest way. God bless you and your family!

[@alleyj826]

This was so emotional to watch because I too had done midwifery, very low intervention and planned for a water birth at home but my baby was breech (cord around neck) so I had to accept going with a scheduled c-section. It was such an emotional rollercoaster. I had to mourn the birth I wanted, I wanted a water birth so bad. I’m so happy my baby is here and healthy. He’s now almost 9 months and I look forward to trying to a vbac if I decide to have more children. Thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@delishabaldwin1353]

Thank you for sharing your story. I wanted a natural birth and it didn’t go to plan and ended in a c section. I couldn’t let it go and felt like I’d failed. Your story has really helped me to feel seen and to make peace with it. Bless you ❤

[@AmandaEnsing]

May Jesus heal your heart 🤍

[@katievandenburg5691]

I'm so glad you posted this but I can't help but feel a little deceived. I have a 14 month old as well, but he was 8 weeks early and I had an emergency c section. I followed you during your entire pregnancy and this first year. I have been mourning my birth story and can't help but feel envious when I see others get the birth they prayed for. I know this is not what you wanted but you can help a lot of people with your story.

[@HeythereHelena]

i definitely can relate and did feel bad about myself following her journey. but that’s more on us than her.

[@katievandenburg5691]

@HeythereHelena I agree, envy is my problem that I am working on. But I am disappointed she didn't share it sooner.

[@HeythereHelena]

@@katievandenburg5691 i’m right there with you and i share your feelings! you’re not alone! i also was disappointed in my birth and yeah this kind of thing made me feel worse. seeing this video feels like a relief to see we aren’t alone

[@AmandaEnsing]

I understand but please remember I owe people online nothing. You should not idolize myself or anyone. I stand by everything I said in pregnancy and birth and will def try for vbac unmedicated. I’m human too and shared in case my story could help anyone. Having a baby + running a business with little help and trying to process has taken me a good year. I’m sorry your birth wasn’t the way you had planned. We all heal differently and this is my journey and story to tell when I felt ready.

[@bcva1989]

Thank You for being vulnerable and sharing your story with us! 💖🫶🏼

[@bethany7072]

Amanda, thank you so much for sharing your story. I love listening to birth stories. They bring me to tears nearly everytime. Adriel is so sweet! Ive been following you well before you got pregnant with him and I think we were pregnant at a similar time. My daughter just turned 16 months old ❤ I also feel that giving birth to my daughter was the most intense and beautiful moment of my lifetime. I have never been very religious but I feel that since she arrived, I have learned more to lean on faith. She helped me figure out what faith was and how freeing it is to give yourself to your faith and trust in the One true Creator. I also did not have the birth experience I wanted and I had a very difficult pregnancy. I had intense nausea nearly my whole pregnancy, where eating or even drinking water was a challenge at times. But all throughout my pregnancy my baby girl was happy and healthy as could be. Around 37 weeks, I developed a PUPPs rash. If anyone is unfamiliar, its an intensely itchy rash that breaks out in your stretch marks on your belly. It was the most intense itching Ive ever felt. I couldnt think. I resisted using steroid treatment that was recommended by my midwives for about 2 weeks while trying to heal it holistically and during that time my girl went breech. I had to have 2 manual versions to get her into place again after finally taking some steroids and correcting the rash. She finally went back to the correct position and I tried EVERYTHING to get into labor and it just never go into active labor. They did membrane sweeps, cervical checks, they attempted to break my waters multiple times. It was excrutiating. I made it to 42 weeks + 6 days and I had to go to the hospital because my midwife wasn't legally allowed to support me at home past that time. We got there and baby girl was healthy and happy but I could not qualify for a medical induction because she was measuring too large for it to be safe to get pitocin. So I had to have a c section. She came out 11lbs and 4 oz and perfect ❤ (Thank you for anyone who reads my story). The pain of my birth experience and the grief over my hopes for how I wanted it to go was hard to process. Especially when people in my life told me I was "lucky" to have a c section and have an easier birth. I do believe that how it went was meant to happen to teach me a lot about myself and my fears and how I thought about birth. My mom also had 4 c sections and I think it helped heal a lot of pain between my mother and I. Thank you for being so patient and loving about different types of birth. I will also be aiming for a VBAC with my next child and now feel absolutely prepared to take that on. Especially with a renewed faith and strength in His Grace that I didnt have before. Thank you again for sharing your most intimate moments of life. You are a wonderful mother and Adriel is lucky to have you! God Bless 🙌🏼

[@TrishaTate-m6i]

Thank you for sharing your story when you felt ready. I have 1 boy almost 8yrs old and my husband and I are currently expecting our second (he doesn't know yet). We would love to have a home birth, but we live in an apartment and we don't know how a home birth would work in that situation and expenses for doula etc. Thank you again for sharing, God bless you and your family.

[@samanthadodd3299]

It must have been so hard to go through labor for so long, only for it to end the way you didn't want. My first was a C-Section because she was breech, and I just didn't feel comfortable attempting a breech vaginal birth. I had a natural VBAC with my second, and it was really special. Wishing you the best. Hopefully, you can have a very peaceful VBAC with your next baby!

[@SandraSilva-sz3zb]

You put your body under so much stress, long labor that your baby pooped himself because of the stress. This is what lead for his increased HR, and your fever. It was a domino effect. NOT the interventions. Stop blaming healthcare for not having a vaginal birth. Maybe if you would’ve allowed for close monitoring of your baby towards the end, they would’ve been able to guide you to have a successful home birth. You want to blame health care soooo bad. And if you truly trusted your intuitions you should’ve stayed home and figured it out yourself. Also what birthing center does c sections??? I’m really curious At the end of the day your baby was delivered healthy and alive, I don’t get why you’re so pressed on the events, that YOU CAUSE

[@AmandaEnsing]

You’re truly uninformed of how a woman’s body works and the healthcare industry’s approach and procedures to disrupt a natural process. Pregnancy is not a disease. I’m guessing you’re a nurse or work in the healthcare field. Your comment is ugly.

[@deborahmichelle28]

Lol it’s HER story lady. HER opinion, HER feelings, HER experience. Putting blame on a woman for being the cause of a traumatic birth is nothing but disgraceful. Your comment was so unnecessary, you sound miserable 🙄

[@SandraSilva-sz3zb]

@@AmandaEnsingI’m VERY informed my self, I am a mom and a healthcare provider. The facts are the facts. Just because you had a c section doesn’t mean your team failed you, it means that they intervene when it was dangerous for you and baby boy. But you do you next time

[@SandraSilva-sz3zb]

@@deborahmichelle28she did it to herself. She wants to blame other ppl sooooo bad. I’m not miserable I’m just trying to educate her

[@deborahmichelle28]

@@SandraSilva-sz3zb hm interesting. I didn’t know educating someone involved blaming them as well. Is that how you talk to your patients as a health care provider? Sad.

[@Zay-o1n]

I’m sorry you had to go through all that. Thank God that you and baby are safe. Crazy that the same thing happened to me for my first born…intervention after intervention..after pitocin, his heart rate went up and blood pressure was dropping. I had to have an emergency c section. For my daughter, I had to have a repeat c section & I don’t think it was necessary but it was so hard to find a doctor in my area willing to do a VBAC. Amanda, that is so funny! My daughter’s first cry sounded like she screamed “mommy”. I have it on video and have thought about posting it because she clearly said it. 😂 I’m fully Puerto Rican maybe that’s why both our kids came out looking for momma! ❤ love you girlie & praying to the Lord for you & your family! Edit: my mom’s firstborn died due to meconium. She lived a few hours then passed away in my mom’s arms. So glad you decided to say yes to the hospital due to his safety.

[@krdesigns1ofakind]

Hi Amanda. Thank you for sharing. I had a similar experience. I wanted a vaginal non medicated birth at a birthing center that also had Drs. After a week of contracting at home and being checked at my OB office and not contracting past 2cm I went to the birthing center and needed intervention. After another 24 hrs of no dilation babies heart rate was also high and ended up with an emergency cesarean. It was also so traumatic for me. So many feelings. Having my baby boy safe was always the goal. With all the trauma I also struggled with breast feeding. After 4 1/2 Months of trying everything I gave up. I didn’t think I could do it all again but here I am 6 months pregnant with a baby girl. I’m praying for a Vbac and a non medicated birth we shall see. Prayers for you and your family. Us Mamas are so strong.

[@albertotijerina2859]

I had a similar experience.. and to this day it is still hard to talk about. Thank you for sharing, you’re so strong and inspirational. ❤

[@raylew311]

Thank you so much for sharing. You have every right to feel everything you're feeling. Please know that you are the opposite of failing. Being a mom means making the best decisions for your child, even if it's not what you expected or wanted. Also, I truly believe that every baby (of course with God's plan) knows the best way for them to come earthside. You put yourself aside to put your son first. That's amazing 👏 ❤

[@MaybalineLuna]

My husband and I both were disappointed for how my birth went. “Mourning” is exactly how I would describe what I felt about my birthing experience and how far it was from how I had envisioned it going. But I would do it all over again ❤ My daughter is my light

[@caitlin862]

The castor oil is likely the cause of the meconium. That and the long labor. Glad you got to the hospital to deliver a healthy baby!

[@honeysoapcrafters]

Gosh! So happy you shared this! You seem fine now, and your baby is beautiful. God bless you both!

[@makaylalewis8971]

Our stories are so very similar except I was planning a birth center birth. I was 41w and 5d and was going to be transferred to induce labor when I went to 42 because my midwives make you go to the hospital at that point. However I started laboring 2 days before that at home but ended up with a fever so we went to the birth center, and they broke my water. My baby also had meconium. Her heart started elevating so we went to the hospital, got an epidural, and she was also sunny side up. We ended up having an unplanned c-section. Afterwards, she spent a week in the NICU getting antibiotics because some of the meconium got in her lungs. I wanted the water birth so badly and I’ve been dealing with PPD/A. And I’ve beat myself up over the birth that I wanted and the birth that I got. My sweet girl is 3 months today and healthy 🤍 thanks for sharing your story

[@mentalalchemysubliminals]

In the US the pipeline from epidural-pitocin-baby's hearthrate is up-your baby is going to die if you dont do a c section-to emergency c section is so standard once you get in the hospital doors. Im so sorry this happened to you. Im so happy you are safe now and baby is with you.

[@lareinabianca]

I am so grateful you shared this. You knew exactly how to navigate. God does everything so beautifully. Thank you for your vulnerability, Amanda 🤍

[@BrittLyons]

I CANNOT STAND pitocin. The labor contractions are so much more manageable without pitocin

[@haleynicolewbu0704]

I really don’t understand why you are so against hospitals when your doulas, midwives, and birthing center all went against your wishes and did not advocate for you whatsoever. in my experience, most hospitals today do not force you into doing anything you don’t want to do. you can labor naturally, any position, with a tub provided, etc etc. so you may want to look into your options next time. you may have had the same outcome but maybe not. regardless, God has provided doctors with the medical knowledge we have today, and c-sections save lives 🩷💙

[@SJ-ru4ej]

You’d be surprised how many hospitals don’t have that as an option though. I live in a big city in Florida and none of the hospitals in my area had tubs to labor or birth in - It’s not something that a lot of hospitals support. There’s also many stories still going on of women being told they need to be on their backs when they’re more comfortable upright, because it’s easier for the provider, not for them. Amanda’s story really is extraordinary, but there’s studies showing that the increased interventions aren’t necessarily helping women. Our c-section rate in the US is way higher than it should be (30-35%) and there’s still many labor and delivery nurses that try to rush birth when it’s going well and OBs who want to induce women for their convenience. Several friends of mine all have stories of those things happening and they ended up with c-sections and inductions that weren’t medically necessary and led to more issues. These things are why many women don’t want to give birth in a hospital anymore, myself included even though I’d go if medically necessary. I was lucky enough to not have to.

[@karelyverdugo4073]

Very beautiful story the first birth is always harder than the next ones that come ❤