Is God Disappointed in Me? - A Conversation with Kurt Francom

This week, we’re bringing you an interview with Kurt Francom, author of a new book titled, Is God Disappointed in Me? Removing Shame from a Gospel of Grace. It seems to us that culturally, Latter-day Saints don’t usually imagine an angry vengeful God but we may very well imagine a god who is perpetually disappointed with us when we inevitably fail again to live up to our highest ideals. Kurt’s book unpacks what hurts about the idea of a disappointed God and why this belief can be a real stumbling block to our growth. He explores the ways sin is very often a response to woundedness and how understanding these core vulnerabilities can help us to heal from shame instead of hiding or numbing.
We've linked to a sweet video Kurt posted of his daughter learning to walk; though she is fumbling and struggling to learn, the video reminds us that as parents, we're not disappointed by this process of growth. Instead, like Kurt's voice in this little video, he was bursting with pride at her growth, joy when she got back up, and excitement that he got to be with her in the journey of learning to walk. Is this what we imagine God -a loving heavenly father and mother feels, when we make mistakes?
We think these ideas are so transformative. You can find Kurt’s book on Amazon or Benchmark Books. We also invite you to check out Kurt’s “Learning to walk” video with his daughter, which we’ll link to in the show notes. We hope you enjoy this episode.
Is God Disappointed In Me? (on Amazon): a.co/d/2soZzs5
Learning to walk video: • Devri Walking - Is God...

[@DaisyMountain]

Breathe…. That was a wonderful conversation. I found myself wanting to jot down quotes and powerful words, but… I decided to just let it wash over me. In all its profundity. Thank you for bringing this to me. It mattered to this one!❤️

[@alisadunn5443]

You're addressing things that are so crucial... things that aren't stressed in counseling even.

[@laneferrin8675]

Of course he's disappointed in me if I break a commandment, he wants me to live with him someday, and when I do things that get in the way of that ultimate goal he's going to have an emotional response!

[@georgiaborn6236]

Wow!!!!💕🌺you hit the nail on the head

[@shawnbrigance3993]

I needed to hear this today, thank you! ❤

[@Los-pf3bi]

Why do mormons always say this??? 😂 This is the number one comment people get after sacrament testimonies! 😂 When you "need' to hear something then you should really look into therapy. Outside the cult.

[@MargaretHeuer]

Yes😢

[@floydroid772]

Wassup Kurt

[@lynncannon7484]

God is disappointed when we choose so that we suffer.

[@cinnimini404]

1) Pre-supposing an omniscient God, disappointment is an impossibility. 2) The utility of disappointment is childish as well as toxic. a) What does our sin/mistakes do to God? How does it affect Him? If he is offended, then He needs to grow up. If he’s disappointed because we choose to suffer, then He should understand that the bitterness of the fruit is necessary for us to learn to prize the good. That was the point, wasn’t it? b) It makes the love in a god-man relationship conditional upon doing what one side wants. Marriages that play this game are a misery to behold. 3) Disappointment just causes more suffering to the one who already chose poorly. Suffering compounded doesn’t sound like what a loving being would incur. Kick them while they’re down. Feels sadistic.

[@tsmithson1]

@@cinnimini404 Such a brave and insightful comment. It has become my experience that our religious rhetoric often sabotages the goal. We want people to behave well, in ways that will bring about good in the world and in their own personal lives, but our common language actually doesn't trust God, it trusts fear. Our Christian story is backwards, positioning God as the prize for having successfully become acceptable to him again, by way of obedience and Jesus. Placing God as the reward inadvertently makes God's Grace, not an enabling power, but an "Enabled" power. Like you said above, a marriage or any relationship built on this tit for tat premise is destined for divorce, hence the mass exodus from Christianity and our own LDS faith.

[@tsmithson1]

@@cinnimini404 you said " It makes the love in a god-man relationship conditional upon doing what one side wants. Marriages that play this game are a misery to behold." I don't know why we as members of the Church cannot see this. This, IMO, is what is driving the largest part of faith crisis and unless the Church takes responsibility for perpetually infantilizing the members, the marriage between member and church will continue to rupture.

[@Los-pf3bi]

​@tsmithson1 so the blatantly false claims of this cult aren't the number one reason for faith crises in your cult?

[@tsmithson1]

@@Los-pf3bi No, I'm not saying that, the truth claims have a massive role in the problem. I'm not apologizing for any of the massive blunders the church has made. I think building the religion around "beliefs" or "dogmas" was a fatal error. Religion has an opportunity to provide great value to society, but I think it ought to be based around values and building community and not expecting people to buy into wild claims that not only lack evidence, but now have mounting evidence against them.

[@michelebrown361]

The ideas shared here confirm something I’ve experienced in my life the last couple of years. God’s love changes us in a lasting way… when we feel it as Nephi explained, “He hath filled me with his love”. Being filled with his love is different than feeling loved. Being filled with his love is when we know we need him more, not less. That kind of love is like receiving an infusion of life and hope that we can and will make it back to our Heavenly home someday 🤍

[@tsmithson1]

Thanks for your comment. I would add that being filled with his love is not only our ticket back to his physical presence, but also the enabling power, given 100% freely that allows us to obey the commandment he actually gave instead of the one we often suggest he gave. God commanded us to "love perfectly", like him, not make ourselves perfectly lovable. It's in the "being filled with his love" that I am able to honor and dignify "every living thing, especially other humans. It's also the tragic result of bad religion that, thinking God finds people unworthy or unacceptable because of certain behaviors permits me to do the same with people. Those behaviors don't make people unacceptable to God, they are the behaviors that fracture the trust the binds relationship. It's the honoring of the relationship that God is trying to protect.

[@Los-pf3bi]

nephi is fake. Do you really believe this white Native American existed???