Is Insecurity Affecting Your Relationships? (Watch This)

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Call 1 : "he hasn't chosen you as a safe place to land" , " you can't fix what his mom broke" sooo brilliantly spot on without destroying the lady. Hey Dr John , don't ever even think again you are not subtle...😊

[@TwentyThree-23]

15:05 "But I wanna be a safe place for him." "...He hasn't chosen you as that place." I felt that deep in my soul, and I feel like many of us don't realize that. Thank you for saying it out loud. I needed to hear that.

[@leecc1574]

Honestly, Run! The guy she's married to is probably keeping more lies & secrets than she knows because she'd leave him if she knew. He's only testing the waters asked for things he knows she doesn't like.

[@Zahnclassof95]

I agree 💯 women need to listen to their natural instincts.its not her fault

[@rebekahwilson7703]

Yup

[@laveraharper9698]

My say is, this woman health is in danger!

[@kbutson]

Delony's joy over a chain wallet makes me know that he is definitely a guy to take advice from. Never underestimate the value of pure delight 😊

[@kathigratton2286]

My husband has a chain wallet He uses it all the time I’m on the motorcycle mainly

[@kamiw5864]

This! For months now, I haven't been able to put my finger on that "thing" that makes me trust this guy's guidance, it is that pure joy and delighting in simple things like that. It feels safe and like someone I'd want to be more like. Thank you for inadvertently helping me figure that out! 😂❤

[@darbrooks86]

I love the last caller. I found her search of friends to be very relatable. I too have the same experience in finding that everyone seems indifferent or not interested in making connections or new friendships

[@erianriley9637]

Wow i wasnt really relating to the first call untill the part where he said he hasnt chosen you to be the safe place and all she has sacrificed trying to be his safe place. I needed to hear that. Thank you.

[@fletche02]

Julie sounds awesome. You are such a fun sounding girl. Keep being yourself. You will run into a group that totally needs your form of humor, life experiences and joy.

[@TheEquiss]

First caller-walk away. This happened to me. Was married 35 years. I found out the last 5 years he had become addicted to porn and started meeting up with guys. He also blew all of our savings in 5 months and started drinking 1-2liters of whiskey a day. He won’t change. He will just lie and cover things up. I’m glad I walked away. Just wished I had found out way earlier.

[@Foxie635]

Similar to my current situation.

[@kellyeverett]

Men should just be brave and say “I’m gay” and be honest with themselves and their families

[@caroldorsett8170]

Exactly don’t walk away RUN!

[@Kristawagnerdare2dream]

Run!! My ex is a sex addict with many secrets. I left after 28 years of deception, gas lighting abuse.

[@jasmin2052]

wow i thought was i alone after 20 years of marriage i found my husband meeting people on grinder he gay i felt so bad

[@CaToRi-]

First caller: I knew two different cases of woman married with men that were very “open” with a very “wide” interests.. at the end both left their wives and now they are living the life that they really wanted. Do a full STD test and end the relationship. Blessings for you.

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Same.

[@laveraharper9698]

Please do ❤

[@ESLTeAchErMichelle]

I fully resignate with the first caller. She is me and I am she😢 I saw red flags from rhe very beginning that I ignored. Now, eight years later I finally walked away and I'm finally starting to recognize myself again.

[@keepingupwithmimi5675]

I really relate to Julie. It has gotten really hard to connect with people. Everyone’s so into their phones. I love her sense of humor.

[@maiaheiss2991]

I know, she sounds great. Wish she was in my neighborhood so we could be friends.

[@OM-or3im]

Sadly, i relate to Julie a lot - i am close to her age and lost all my friends in the past few years. Some moved, some became too busy and some just evaporated in other ways. It’s sad to find ourselves lonely and disconnected from friendships now and making new friends after 35… well, good luck with that lol

[@mariee.5912]

I wish, I can be a friend of Julie from Denver. She sounds like an awesome lady.

[@tristamarie7115]

I can relate to Julie's question as I'm single and a lot of my friends are married/don't live extremely close. I recently moved to TN from CA (knowing no one) for work, but joined a hiking group that meets every Tuesday evening and I made some friends through that group.

[@thenutrientwhisperer3700]

She needs to step back. He’s clearly telling her he needs space. Go find your own life woman and stop trying to understand this man. He doesn’t want to be understood. You’re wasting your time. 😞😞😞💔

[@lauraoneal7042]

There was an episode of King of Queens that had the main couple out looking for a new set of friends that didn't have kids. Because they're go to friends or in a different place in their life having children. They ended up at a hardware store trying to make connections with people that didn't have kids. So I think this is something that happens to every couple as they get older

[@LABennett-jl9ze]

I’m 57 years old and my anxiety has been affecting my health. I’m glad Dr. John is here to help. I have both his books. I’m going to continue reading them over and over. Thank goodness for Dr. John

[@BAA12344]

33 years old female here. Love the wallet and chain. I personally stopped because I always sounded like Santa clause coming to town! I would hook my keys to it 😂 Always dress authentic to yourself. Who cares what others think of your wallet and chain.

[@michellebailey206]

JULIE, I hope you read my comment. I am an "older" mom and have been able to crack this friendship issue. I got a bunch of phone numbers from my kids' friends. Then, in a group text (after chatting with the parent on the playground after school), I organized playground meetups a couple times a month during summer. Sometimes, only one person showed. Sometimes, 10 people showed up! We got to know each other and branched off to other activities. Now that another school year has started, I'm going to reach out and offer to have a couple of kids come to our house once a month. (This will be a nightmare because our house is really small, but I want these connections for myself as well as my child.) My hope is that we parents can connect while the kids are playing and MAAAAAYYYBEEEE, we can get a few parents' night out by sharing childcare. ❤

[@YasminMahnaz]

Wow that is impressive.. same, nightmare and small home. I try chatting on playground.. but sometimes it's one time meet and see you again next time.. no idea if it happens but I hope to see them..

[@Jahtutson]

Brilliant!

[@seminole111]

I don't care...male, female, gay, straight...how can you not love and adore John Delony? Every episode brings a new perspective to life. What a purely amazing human being he is with a genuine heart for helping the hurting. I wish I had known about him two years ago while I was navigating a divorce in the midst of a perfect storm of other life events. Cashing it in would've been so much easier than enduring what I did. But I am grateful I hung on, for no other reason, tomorrow is a new day. And God. Dr. John is the absolute bomb.

[@WhatTruthDoesForUs]

Absolutely agree with you…

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Love him! He is the best!!! ❤️

[@JordanEvansMusic]

For real I’m a Christian who was raised with some really prejudice views towards certain groups and this has helped me so much to give language to some issues and to be more compassionate to people from different circumstances than myself

[@seminole111]

@@JordanEvansMusickeep striving for that..I too am Christian and for many, we're the only example of the faith they will ever experience. I don't want mine to resemble the toxic intolerance of a body that sees themselves as 'love', but in actuality, the farthest thing from it. Peace!

[@marciamatteini7604]

Dr. John is their real thing. No one is perfect but he keeps striving to better himself. I’m so happy he is happy in his marriage. Makes me realize there are some good men still. He really wants to be a help to everyone. God bless him and his family.❤️✝️

[@c.j.valentine3027]

I can so relate to that last caller. Dr. Deloney, maybe your next book should be about making friends in different decades of life. Keep trying and you will find friends. And don't waste your time and energy on people who aren't receptive.

[@Jahtutson]

I learned from my mom that people meet at senior centers. They go on trips and eat lunch together. Just a thought.

[@Wants2knowitall]

Julie, if you call Kendra and her husband answers, it’s ok to tell him that you were really missing her. When our loved one dies, it means everything that they are not forgotten. Please mention them. Please share funny stories or memories. It’s nice to know we aren’t the only ones with a hole in our heart and our family. ❤

[@nathaliebasile6168]

Caller Ally had such good insights into her relationship. Dr John was really inspiring in his counsel. We are all broken in some ways that is my belief. And we are the only one able to heal what needs to be healed. The fact that he is blaming you for what’s happening is so wrong Ally ! I hope you stop blaming yourself! My ❤ goes to you finding peace ✌️

[@kellibuzzard9431]

I so dislike the term "cheat" to denote infidelity. Makes it sound like a child was dishonest in a game or on a test.

[@itsallperfectlynormal9805]

Yes! Adulterous has a different ring to it.

[@Jozzie1987]

I love the chain wallet. I love that all the early 2000's stuff is coming back. I just recently went to get new work pants and I usually go for boot cut but this time they had FLARES!!! I LOVE FLARES!!!

[@theFIRMAMENTalist]

I love a good flare jean! My favorite thing is that WIDE LEG JEANS ARE BACK. my inner 90s child rejoiced 😂 I Friggin loathe skinny jeans. Boot cut is as tight as it gets, but def not my favorite. If it’s an exercise in contortion to get them on, or it takes not breathing, not sitting comfortably to look good… something ain’t right. 😂 However, Nobody. And I do mean NO BEING WITH FUNCTIONAL EYEBALLS needs to see man bulges and cameltoes out in public. Make self awareness and self respect great again✌️🤙 Is it wrong of me that I usually want to say to yogapants lady “Maybe I’m comfortable nude, but I’m not allowed to walk around nekkid. Put real pants on people. “ 😂😂

[@moaraa2575]

lol. That’s the 70s for my generation.

[@janetspencer8680]

If he wants a chain wallet, he gets a chain wallet. I love it! And I am 57. I got one for my 18-year-old daughter's boyfriend :-). I even put her name on it. I don't take a poll when I want to buy myself a purse :-)

[@tanichik3]

I've been listening to all of your shows and there are moments that something either the caller says or Dr John that hit me or I emphasize with or completely understand. That hits me and I emphasize with the caller or with Dr John. There are times that I have to wait a couple of days to listen to your shows because it hits so close to home. Love what you are doing here, keep on going Dr John! And to all the callers thank you for sharing your stories!

[@jessicablevins601]

He had to go to the hospital to "get something removed from his body" and she took the blame??!? 😱😱😱 Wow! Wouldn't be me!!! 😂 Also, my husband rocks a chain wallet! But he says it's because he rides a Harley and it could fall out of his pocket while riding. But I think it's cool! 🤷‍♀️

[@Aloha4Maui]

If people with kids are having problems making new friends, what are the rest of us with grown kids supposed to do???

[@AgaKirchner]

I don’t think it matters how old your kids are. There are plenty of places you can meet people. One of my closest friends now and I met randomly at a coffee shop. I liked her dress and told her that, we exchanged numbers and now we see each other all the time. It’s a matter of being open and receiving

[@blessedlife93]

Bought the book came home and was reading it but then thought this sounds like John is talking to me so I bought the audiobook and it’s an amazing book. Thank you John for the work you do

[@yvonnepittman7525]

This lady is either a saint or crazy. I would have been outta there soooo fast!!!!!

[@edenjennings8395]

I have my dad's chain wallet from the 70s and it's glorious. Keep it.

[@pegarnts9105]

You are wrong, John, it Is because of YOU! I am addicted to your show! I love you so much! You are such a good knowledgable, empathetic, loving person who cares so much and are so down to earth and YOU are AMAZING to listen to. It helps me SO much listening to all of the different issues and good advice and helps me in my own life. I have high social emotional intelligence plus have worked with people and families in different jobs and I have social work degree, and so maybe I like listening because I AM really extra interested what people have gone through make them do certain things or behave certain ways, and l how it affects their life and then what they can do to help I still learn so much for my own life also. It helps when you show caring and it also helps when you say what the truth is or when you are “real” and it’s convicted me at times even though most of my life has been negatively affected by what OTHERS did TO ME and the person that was a victim of it all, but then you have to help yourself fix the damage and that’s where it comes to the conviction of how I have handled them. Usually I do understand most of it and I’ve done pretty well dealing with things in my own life that I’ve been through, but sometimes it’s very hard to not do the wrong thing in response to what others have done or said to me or how they have just treated me in general. But YoU have helped me, Dr Daloney, so very much! So thank you! Keep up the good work. I love that I can relate to you because I have ADHD also. ;)

[@therealsandraweise]

I have had severe ADHD for 30 years and have never told myself I am broken or am a loser loser loser. That is beyond an ADHD thing. It sounds like a unresolved issues with esteem, worth and basic mental health.

[@angrynoodle37]

Dont feel ashamed to embrace your inner rocker! Wear the chain wallet! Personally i think theyre dope. Who cares what anyone thinks as long as you love it and it makes you happy 😊

[@nicholascioe6780]

Just got the book in the mail!!! Can’t wait to read it!

[@libbyneefe1075]

How did you get yours already? I thought it wasn’t going to arrive until release day, which is tomorrow. I haven’t even gotten a shipping notification which makes me worry mine might not might not show up tomorrow.

[@gerronmartin2657]

Chain wallet makes me trust Delony even more. Never underestimate the chain wallet. Sort of like the mullet……😂

[@YasminMahnaz]

Mullet is atrocious.. just awful.. it's lik someone took scissors from a kid that was playing hair dressier.. just awful. May will bring the dumbell mustache back

[@christywilcox3928]

Thank you Dr. Delony and team for all you! So happy I stumbled onto your channel/ podcast, I’m hooked!

[@Michelle-js5kh]

Julie, this might be a weird suggestion, but I also live in one of these tiny ski towns in Colorado. In almost all of them there’s a Roller Derby team. WAIT! I heard you’re 43 with kids, so are half of my team members. We just celebrated a team member’s 50th. The sisterhood through the sweat and tears during practice is nothing I can describe. And if you’re in the High Country, there are lots of little teams. If you’re in Southern Colorado look up Ramps and Alleys, and I would be thrilled to have you join us at a practice, or come watch a bout. We take all kinds, all backgrounds. Like I said, I know this sounds crazy, but roller derby is the best way to meet women friends in Colorado. Signed, a woman who’s lived in Denver, Colorado Springs, on the road, and now in the Ark Valley. We love you!

[@Mamamischa]

Thank you last caller. I’ve been feeling the exact same way lately!

[@mystical1742]

I’d love to hear what Dr. John does for his ADHD! I’m medicated, but I think we all struggle at some points, so I’d like to hear some tips!

[@tomnohmy1273]

I feel really insecure watching this, but my huge ego allows me push forward.

[@mysterio1570]

I am 52 years old and I do not have any problems making new friends as I go through life as a Canadian Male with Jamaican roots.

[@GT-0524]

It’s sad when you find out your spouse never felt safe opening to you. That confused me when my ex-husband told me that because that’s huge. He was my safe place but he never felt safe with me. I asked why did he marry me and his only answer was “I don’t know. I thought it might change.” If I had known that even when we got to our engagement, I would call it off. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t feel safe with me and I don’t feel safe with.

[@HelloFromAotearoaNewZealand]

Tuning in from New Zealand. Great podcast.

[@daphne3717]

First caller: RUN

[@crystalbelle36]

Ally my heart hurts for you. I have some similar situational understanding. Praying for you and I am your friend.

[@ruthlesschristlovingprincess]

My man had a chain on his wallet simply because he would stop leaving his wallet on the counter at check out. Now he doesn't need one.

[@onetry7406]

Chain wallet -If it makes you happy, consider if you really need the approval of others. :-)

[@laveraharper9698]

Excellent ❤

[@MisterNightfish]

Alternative title: "Is insecurity affecting your enjoyment of your chain-wallet?" Don't let managers ruin things for you. Rock your chain wallet if you like it.

[@YasminMahnaz]

Agreed.. enjoy it he not old as in old old that he can't rock it. I've seen ppl from behind looking all dressed lik young 20s great hair, thin slim, fashionable and turn around to see face abs they are 55yrs old!!! Some ppl are fit and petite therefore look like teenage forever abs carry amazing health habit or genetic lottery. Either way..john looks like mid 20s kind guy, all way through

[@mandeelee8416]

I didn’t expect to identify with allie(gay husband) but my ex husband was the exact same way. Minus the gay stuff. He was a porn adult and to this day he’s never opened up to me completely….we’re divorced. I’m sorry Allie. I know your pain

[@geminifinancialwellness]

Please go with your gut. My sister had a similar situation and after 30 years of marriage her husband came out as bi-sexual and revealed that he had been cheating their entire marriage with men....it has devastated her.

[@FileKnife]

The wallet chain was a biker subculture thing. So riding your motorcycle, if your wallet shook out of your pocket, it wouldn't be long gone.

[@YasminMahnaz]

Interesting I tight it was fashion for Rick roll ppl in 80s band

[@crystalbelle36]

John you are speaking to me as well as Ally. And Ally has been reading my brain and journal.

[@CoffeeSA96]

The first caller is part of the problem. She is wiling to stay married to a guy who likes men. That is embarrassing she should leave him asap

[@kellyeverett]

She’s obviously got some childhood issues , likely was neglected by her own dad that she hasn’t dealt with

[@Loosybaboosy]

Why is that embarrassing? Genuine question.

[@callmenicole.93]

Call number 1 : “he hasn't chosen you as a safe place”. Ehm, no?! He DID. He opened up about his kinks and she's disgusted by them. How is he supposed to open up more when this has been her reaction? I understand she doesn't have to be into the same stuff, but the way she talks about his fetishes... No wonder he's keeping stuff secret. I'm not saying keeping secrets is good, but it's easy to understand why he's doing so. These two are just not meant to be together, they're incompatible. He needs someone with wider views, who will allow him to be himself. She wants and needs someone different from him. They both would be happier if they went separate ways. Hope the guy finds someone willing to engage in his kinks and support his real self. He's not going to lie if he doesn't have to.

[@christywilcox3928]

lol😂 love the chained wallet!

[@MsLauraLove626]

I APPROVE of the chain wallet!!!!!

[@FriedChickenKyla]

i love this dude bc of the brand new album behind him

[@sonjag.8686]

Chaine wallet issue! I’ll say better safe than sorry, especially when you get older👍🏻✌🏻

[@jasmin2052]

Hmm i really thought i was alone in finding out the man i lost my virginity to and married for 20 years been on grinder been with many many many men i felt lost betrayed rejected now he wants to just be friends because we have a child crazy he also hated his mom and tell me i remind him of her just wasted years time for me to move on at first when i found out i was a mess but now i can move on

[@laveraharper9698]

Be yourself and wear it ❤❤❤

[@ivory8581]

Love does not lie! Accept that he DOES NOT GIVE A SHAT ABOUT YOU! Good hell woman, you have four children and protect them from this manipulative lying abusive man.

[@alyross2850]

First caller. I don’t know but it sounds like some sex addiction going on.

[@terigreenwood4327]

My whole family has chain wallets! That includes my 15yo daughter! And she LOVES hers.

[@TheAshley318s]

You are the best John! lol. Watching you show off your chain wallet. Good for you! 😂 You can bring it back, Man!

[@RiverPaisley]

Pretty sure Shephard Fairy still has a chain walled, and he’s rad. “You gotta go be weird.” - Dr. J. Delony

[@eileenfuentes6975]

I'm from Austin, born and raised. ..... I moved several miles north. It's not the same as it was in the 80's . If you would've asked me to guess where the first caller's husband is located- I'd say AUSTIN! 😂 "KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD."

[@ambermik2940]

I love your show. I wish the callers would have the chang to say thank you and good by though. Often it feels like that just get cut off while you are still talking to them. Like we should be hearing them respond but the team has already cut them off in the background

[@pamelavesey6381]

The chain wallet is great. Ignore the Nay Sayers who only wear what the whole herd is wearing.

[@broforcefreedom4936]

I could never date a “bi” guy.

[@casadekreeftpetservices8222]

Not my jam but I also feel if it brings you joy rock that chain wallet

[@letyluna7013]

I like the wallet! 😊

[@ivory8581]

Thats a stupid thing to promise.... to never get divorced again?? This assumes you can control another person. Ali you probably saw red flags. Learn from this, and reduce your trauma response by teaching yourself that next time you will pay attention to your red flags. I speak from experience. I am on my second marriage, I saw the damn red flags but ignored them. Honesty, sexual fetishes and secrecy? Question your children. Protect them from him.

[@Bruh_7080]

I wondered too about her older children. What have they seen/ experienced?

[@Christine-lk4uk]

If the chain wallet brings you joy, go for it!

[@cecilliachi]

My husband still has a chain wallet except it’s old and raggedy AF😂😂

[@MRich7]

1st caller is describing my ex exactly... Wow

[@JessicaCox-hq9uw]

My husband and son both use a chain wallet. It has kept husband from being pick pocketed

[@hadenanderson563]

Chain yourself to your spouse for security and peace of mind. Not unlike a chain wallet.

[@Melanie3581]

I feel bad for the first caller, definitely needs to leave that relationship

[@allil87]

Thank you

[@MariaKoroleva.Realtor]

Once you are committed to one person your sexuality becomes your partner. 4 kids, she loves him for 4 times a day and she’s scared that she won’t find another sex addict like him… and he turned out to be not into her…

[@YasminMahnaz]

Interesting.... but he's already not into her and isn't having sex time the way he used to for while but no specifics on time frame or how many years been

[@rebekahwilson7703]

Hey Dr. John, if you love your chain wallet, then more power to you! It doesn’t matter what’s popular:be your own person.♥️👍

[@rebekahwilson7703]

If I had to go and get tested, that would be the last time.

[@jennacarroll9200]

I would loveee to be your friend Julie! I am in fort lauderdale though 😢 I have alot of the same feelings.

[@CaseyHawes-x8q]

I brought back my chain wallet a few years ago lol 😄🤘

[@anastasiarichards6221]

I wish we all learned earlier in life to just lean into our awkward. Normal is so overrated.

[@fralanasko2900]

Mind pump is awesome

[@carolhughes3051]

Where's Kelly?????

[@kyoha9840]

Anyone who would listen to or read own your past change your future and be willing to do it together?? It can be a group if we are a lot

[@hadenanderson563]

I will

[@hadenanderson563]

Or if we can just talk and bounce some ideas around.

[@unravel2053]

Possibly, do you have to work through stuff? I like the Eren profile photo!

[@Seaglassandsandcastles]

Bring the chain wallets back!! ❤

[@MatthewWoodcroft-o9t]

If I don’t see matching chain wallets I’m gunna be upset

[@BagznBirdz]

If a chain wallet is a thing that makes you happy, carry it. Saying you're too old for one is BS - it's like listening to idiots telling a woman in their 40s or 50s can't wear ripped denim jeans. We can. And we do. 😜

[@amandabanks173]

That poor girl blaming herself for her husband being sexually immoral and evil. That's why we really have to be careful and let God choose our partner. God bless her. ❤

[@Foxie635]

The first caller is sad

[@unravel2053]

Nope! Keep the wallet! Enjoy your individuality, who cares if anyone else has one.

[@aprilwashington3150]

Caller 1, Dr. D you didnt get into what brought about the trial separation, how long was it, and what brought about the reconciliation. I think she is in denial about hiim being gay. If her friends have questioned it, clearly it's apparent. I think her husband is using her as a front (a cover-up) person and living a double life. I think if she knew more of what her sex addict husband was doing she would 🤮 She's already having std testing done. Get out with a clean bill of health while you can. I don't understand why she would continue to put her health at risk---well I have a litany of reasons (1) lack of self-love. I get that she wants to honor her vows but at some point she has to honor herself. I suggest letting him go but remain a trusted friend, AND DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. He's a danger to himself and to you. I also suggest she find a sex addiction therapist she can go to with or without him. Regular therapy ain't gon cut it.

[@co9971]

the first caller should leave her husband. if he were with a guy, it would be fine because men are that sexual and physical. women generally are not.

[@JohnStro]

There sure are some sick people in these comments, hope you all get some help.

[@dawnpearson565]

EWWWW gross.. John, black nail polish.... BUT Love the chain wallet 😂😂❤❤

[@PattyCakeJake]

21:51 yeah… this dude is not straight.