The Real Reason You Can’t Find Peace in Your Life

On today’s show, we hear from:
- A man in love with a married woman
- A mom who wants to stop being a control freak
- A woman who wants to set a boundary with her mom
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@MisterNightfish]

Caller 1: If she's cheating with you she will cheat on you. It's really not any more complicated than that.

[@peterlee584]

True.

[@kaidiver4306]

PERIOD ..

[@alandalemorris]

⁠

[@marknewton3657]

💯

[@palapalak.8907]

FACT.

[@7clippers1]

Listening to this show has gotten me to a place where I can identify what’s right/not right for me in my relationship. It’s like being taught basic relationship skills that I didn’t have before getting into one.

[@lilys7431]

Absolutely agree, has allowed me to reflect on my behaviors in my marriage and focus more on ‘how is my sweetie doing’ as well.

[@icemaiden1979]

Absolutely agree listening to John has changed my presective on a lot of thing in my life and in my marriage

[@kelleydonovan770]

Except, like Dave Ramsey too, it causes you to become divisive and judgey and I am not sure he is always right. Leave room for being human and course correcting. He jumps into answers - doesn’t have all the details. I know plenty of people who cheated and never cheated again when they were with the right person. It’s not so black and white - wishing you all the best.

[@Fairgreentube]

@@kelleydonovan770usually as narcissists get older they don’t really have as many choices (they don’t look as attractive, they don’t have the energy they once had, they aren’t as charming because they’re tired of acting) so they do eventually just settle with whoever they get. They aren’t happy though, trust me I know five of them personally and all have the same story, they’re not cheating but they’re not in love either. They’re just there. It’s best to only date people seriously if they’re secure attached empathic with healthy boundaries. These are the ones who know exactly what they want and they’re not side eyeing the next person to seduce. Narcissists are insecure meaning they fall under the following three categories: Pre occupied anxious attachment (fear of abandonment) Fearful avoidant attachment (fear of abandonment and fear of commitment) Dismissive avoidant attachment (fear of commitment with an underlying fear of abandonment) The secure attachment styles (Do not have fears of either they don’t experience anxiety from being alone and they do not experience the resentment from committing to someone else)

[@brandyk]

​@@kelleydonovan770That may be a very small percentage n he's not going to advise anyone based on rarity. You also unless it's you if course don't know for sure the long trajectory of that relationship either unless these people are 60-80 yrs old. But does it not still say something about these people who cheated. Why didn't they wait till they were free n clear? If they have kids it's even worse as you are negatively impacting people for the rest of their lives. It will.alwaus be more difficult for them to respect n embrace the person you cheated with yet you'll expect them too even when they are adults n have their own families. If someone is luck enough to date.n marry someone even if it does not work out they likely still have the ability to attract another mate short term or long term so why the rush? This i think is usually a distraction and a way to validate themselves and compete with their spouse as to who can find someone... anyone else sooner. So sad that people think their value and worth is connected to this. Or that finding someone else more willing to tolerate you behaviors bc they either haven't seen them yet cause yiuee on your best behavior or are desperate enough to doesn't mean you're former spouse was incorrect or not entitled to feel as she did.

[@primordialmeow7249]

I usually don’t listen to these “advice” shows, but I do like John. He cuts to the chase and is real.

[@kylefrazee2812]

My grandmother always says " in 5 years will it matter? If not, let it go"

[@mightymouse1005]

My old boss used to say that

[@JenniferoftheSea]

This is great. Writing this one down.:)

[@Ninjasnail1926]

My grandpa says this.. he tells my kids this.. he is right.. your grandma is right! Words to live by for sure!! 👍🏻 ❤

[@triciacooper9317]

I agree 100%. A married man wanted to date me. I wouldn’t date him as long as he is married. He and she separated shortly afterward. After she moved out, we started dating (big error on my part), and his entire family blamed me for the break up. It was too much negativity and clearly his family would never accept me. It was a horrific waste of things, but I got out before it was too late. BTW, I didn’t feel I could trust him.

[@triciacooper9317]

She has support…she’s just looking for an easy way out.

[@brandyk]

Good job. But would have been better had u not even dated him. of course you could not trust him. It was you who had the strength and character to back out or not accept his interest while he was married not him. So that tells you everything. It also seems people who are rushing to date n get involved with another before the ink is even dry on their divorce papers let alone still living with the person n not even separated are just looking for an escape hatch be it financially or emotionally or sexually. They haven't even done their work to see their own responsibility for the desolution of their marriage with someone they claimed and or once did love. They are likely to repeat alot of the same mistakes n behaviors.

[@mo1976ney]

I don't know the facts, but I'm completely sure he was giving the impression you were to blame to his family. You would leave (or stay) and he would never have to carry the responsibility for his marriage ending. He was giving you on a silver platter to the wolves, I'm totally sure, no matter how subtly.

[@patrichards4225]

Caller #1 the problem with honest kind people is that they believe that everyone is like them. Sadly everyone is not honest and kind. I hear so often “but they have a good heart”. You don’t know their heart.

[@Wyo2Wis]

Caller 2's husband probably didn't know there was a wrong way to put milk back in the refrigerator until he got married.

[@kateruterbories2692]

I know, right?! I do this to my poor husband with his driving. In my defence he's a bad driver!! 😂

[@googlestinx]

I dont get his advice. Who in the world would be happy being told to accept mixed laundry? Id like to see his face if his wife added by error, a red sock in with his new $100 ralph Lauren white shirt. Not so much "meh" then, right???

[@erichchan3]

Yeah that is caller 2's problem. Sorry but that is just a BS reason to cause a fight. Its like they want perfection.

[@alandalemorris]

⁠

[@alandalemorris]

Lll

[@aelh123]

“I try to Not think about it” Dr D “ what ? The fact that she’s sleeping with another guy ? (Her *HUSBAND* ) 😂🤣 calling out like it is ! 💅🏼

[@Potamotrygorgeous]

When John said ‘she is playing you’, that was exactly what came to my mind at that point in the conversation with this married woman. This new man is her weekend chew toy.

[@bethmiller7544]

Agreed, and she always got an eye out to marry up. I worked in the gym industry for umpteen years. Males are looking for new meat, females are in the prowl for a higher up the food chain level. Everyone felt the need to tell me all. It was heartbreaking. And... the females were so preditory it was alarming.

[@palapalak.8907]

This infidelity is everywhere. Especially around the military community when spouses are deployed. Its everywhere at the gym. Chronic cheaters and liars everywhere.

[@misshairpassionista8378]

It seems to me we had a previous generation where understanding of love was all messed up. People now are constantly looking for love, attention and acceptance in most cases in very unhealthy ways. Praying for extra dose of healing for this generation 🙏🏼

[@christinejones4785]

Yes its a belief and knowledge I’ve lived with my whole life. Every so often though you meet true loyal souls and that fills me with hope and joy. I’ve even strayed many moons ago then beat myself up over it for years as I was raised in a highly religious family. It just proved I was as fallible as anyone else but I need to keep my faith in the Lord Almighty or it may just consume my mind & soul and also I need to believe we are capable of so much more 😊

[@ThisGuyRightHere353]

Man I’m so glad you give real hard advice. Caller number 1 really needed some tough love. Poor guy. Please dodge that bullet.

[@darralansman9895]

"In love with a married woman,". He has Sir Galahad syndrome! He's a rescuer; slays her dragon, recused the princess, and will be surprised when she finds another dragon!

[@mombythesea2426]

With young kids- get throwaway furniture, go to bed with clean laundry in a pile, and let your kids make sandwiches. THEN, tell your husband your house is like his garage, and just like he needs his tools organized in order to work, so do you. Just like oil needs changed correctly or the car shuts down, your house needs to be operated a certain way or it shuts down. Find what can be flexible and what can't, and then learn to let some things go.

[@CoffeeSA96]

The first caller isn’t gonna listen

[@aelh123]

Sadly, I agree with you. You could just tell how he kept grasping at straws to make it seem like they had something real 😔

[@hikerhobby1204]

His decision. Unfortunately it’s going to hurt.

[@thebestthingthatneverhappe6729]

he just wants to get luck one time and then he's gonna bounce 😂

[@misshairpassionista8378]

Could be limerence

[@FellowNick]

@@hikerhobby1204Not necessarily

[@PCKA1987]

We currently have six kids, age 13, down to nine months old. There was a time we had five kids under the age of six. It was chaos. But the best piece of advice that I received for that really difficult season, was putting the kids in a playroom, with a baby gate, everything, baby proofed, and my husband and I got the first half hour of the evening to just decompress in a nice clean kitchen and then go get the kids. I remember that time and our life fondly. We homeschooled full-time for two years, which was very difficult, and we had very little structure. Fast forward to now, five kids are in public school and it’s just me and baby at home. Seasons change!

[@elainewinter8626]

I’ve seen it! The woman actually has two husbands! She strings this young impressionable man along in a fantasy relationship and then goes home to hubby. She seems to be double minded and has loyalty to none!

[@lisafeck1537]

I grieve for the woman and her mother. I have had problems w my mother, when I was young. As I matured, she has become a rock for me. I can call her about anything. She is 83 now, and I see I have to start being more of a rock for her. I pray for healing for her mother, that she becomes empowered by her new budget. That God helps this woman be encouraged and empowered by her boundaries. That she knows she is a wonderful, beautiful, honoring, daughter to her wounded needy mother. God bless them both.

[@markrounds6302]

"It's not the way I want it done". Sounds like my wife and how she handles myself and our kids. I cannot begin to explain how much that has alienated the entire family.

[@beastshawnee]

Yeah…well you probably leave all executive function of the house up to her like/ you just the private and she is the general, the sergeant, the corporal. Move up a level or two and take that off her shoulders. You’ll BOTH be much happier, -Unless she is totally OCD and then-you need a different solution. You might make a mancave in the garage and maybe 2 rooms in the house be off limits to her cleaning. -let her have everything else all perfect.

[@misshairpassionista8378]

@@beastshawneeI love this! In marriage, when you share tasks, it takes on a whole new version. It’s the kind where 2 becomes 1. You form your middle ground and thus forming your own set of values and way of doing things 💡. So if one doesn’t participate in something that is supposed to be a couple’s or family’s responsibility, he better be ready to accept that she will take full charge of that! So so brilliant! Proper and healthy ownership is key. Thank you!

[@ToLovelyJesus]

I feel for the second caller. I love when John said something like, “What helped you to survive then will destroy your marriage now.” It’s VERY important to unlearn survival mode. My daughter is 9 years old and I’m still trying to unlearn how my brain responded to stress in the newborn and toddler phases. I wish I’d had someone in my corner while I was going through PPD.

[@j0yfulblessings]

There's being a control freak who micromanages, and wants everything done their way. Then there are husband's who don't know how to do basic things. So if you don't want food poisoning, moldy sippy cups, stained clothes that are permanently ruined, shrunken clothes, you have to give instructions for everything if you want help. That doesn't make you controlling.

[@mombythesea2426]

100%. I tell my husband my house is like his shop. He doesn't need to understand why I do things a certain way, but I need them done that way.

[@Ikr2025]

I get a bit OCD about our kids /teens clothing because I’m the one who buys it and I know the cost involved in replacing items includes the price plus my time. I find most tops tend to shrink a size or two in the dryer often making them unwearable, so I’m fussy about air drying them. I also get upset when clothing (jackets or sweatshirts usually) is left behind at school.

[@jbr2991]

My husband always came to me first when he came home from work. For our girls it was just normal. Now we have a Black Labrador puppy, and he goes to the dog first!🤪🐕‍🦺🐾

[@andrewjackson9948]

If you gave him even half the enthusiasm as that dog he would come to you first....something to think about

[@brandyk]

​@@andrewjackson9948 that's a bit unrealistic isn't it. No person can beat a dog's enthusiasm. That's why people live them so much but it would be weird if a human did that but you do have a point n everyone can step up their game a bit. At least more often.

[@Frauke_M]

@@andrewjackson9948 If a woman shows enthusiasm. men run. they can´t handle love and closeness

[@andrewjackson9948]

@@Frauke_M im sure thats true for some men. But not for most. Not if he likes you

[@benascg-ll7sq]

I usually appreciate or even admire Dr John's coaching strategies. To say the least , I'd have approched Caller 2 very differently, asking her how she'd feel if whatever her best efforts, her husband was snaping at her for the most insignificant reasons. I once was married to a woman like that. I could not take more. It had become a matter of survival. One day, back from work, the wife started to yell at me. I saud nothing, looked at her turned my phone off and left. Spent 2 nights at a motel6 in total silence. When I came back, the stage was set for an authentic conversation that radically changed the years that followed, for the very better

[@Pookie._.bear._.1]

1st caller, this happed to me and the lady (that was married) said her husband has been sleeping with another lady for a year and was abusive to her and divorced her. I said to myself if I were to date this lady, what if the guy comes back and shoots me. Well 2 weeks later I bumped into her and there comes the ex-husband. Talk about accord for me. I dodged a bullet there

[@butterflygirl2285]

IMO - I agree about not dating people who are still married. That is cheating. The cheater will not change I guarantee it.

[@tomnohmy1273]

Cheating, rebound, run

[@Dwe245]

I have told my husband to not dry my linen clothes on high heat bc it shrinks them. I’ve told him to hang dry them (or leave them out and I will hand them) and for 30 years he continues to do what he wants and ruins my clothes to the point where he is no lo mg er allowed to even touch my clothes. I wonder if he does it intentionally so he doesn’t have to help at all.

[@RCGWho]

I keep my delicate clothes in a separate bag he doesn't wash.

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Caller 1 is on a mission which is rescuing the little girl. As in Frank Sinatra's words " for once in my life I've somebody who neeeeds me". I've been there for decades. And one day, thanks to an unfaithful mistress (sounds like an oxymoron), I decided I wud NEVER again be the rescuer. This was the turning point when I shifted from survival mode to embracing life. Soooo grateful to life

[@JK20239]

Pros of being single. Cant be cheated on lol...

[@kristiekris3401]

Sweet baby Jesus, the lady with 4 kids who is irritated with her husband 👁 roll. She should be so thankful he is helpful.

[@MichelePernerBlum]

Totally love this show! I'm addicted!!!

[@PineapplePizza89]

I think its funny that i find myself clicking on your videos just to see what band shirt your wearing and what vinyl you have posted in the back but then i find myself sticking around for the show! lol you are awesome dude! your show has made a huge impact on my life!

[@brandyk]

Uhh if that the reason you're clicking on in the first place you have waaaay too much time on your hands. Lots of great info here or elsewhere if this isn't exactly you're thing.

[@LAP02]

Man I wish you were on when I had my littles. This would have saved me and my husband lots of fights and tears. Keep the good stuff comin!

[@imjustagirlinthewoods]

Same! ❤

[@alberttang6955]

Caller 2, the 'Control Freak" : The husband sounds like he is working hard at his teaching profession and doing his best to contribute to the work load at home. But the non-stop angry criticisms must be breaking his spirit over time, wearing down his self respect. No man wants to come home and be made to feel like he is incompetent at everything he attempts. No man wants to come home to constant correction. The wife has become a domineering mother figure to her husband, and no man finds that romantically appealing. Pick the most important things you need done in a very specific way; let everything else go. If nothing changes, the husband is going to emotionally check out of the marriage at some point, and the wife will be left wondering why he's become so angry and withdrawn. Please make the changes now, before it's too late.

[@nataliek5134]

100%. A little gratitude for what sounds like a real champ of a hubby would go a long way.

[@Freedom-em3zb]

If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

[@palapalak.8907]

Exactly

[@bethmiller7544]

When they marry you they're simply creating a job opening that will be filled from one already in the wings. Guaranteed.

[@brandyk]

You may be right but the bigger part of it is that you just shouldn't..it says alot about you not just the other person. Moreover even if they don't you may be far quicker to think they are in somewhat suspicious situations or even rather benign situations especially as the relationship hits it's own rough patches or some boringness sets in, or they get a very attractive coworker or you age a bit n gain some weight. You're security in the relationship will likely always be less than it might be otherwise and most relationships already go through this to a degree. I have also thought that people with some integrity even in they had this giant lapse are often not as forgiving even if themselves and when people don't feel good about themselves it can manifest itself in myriad ways over time that negatively effect them n of course you. This again is especially true for those who hurt their children in such a situation.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Exactly. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record

[@artkidolee2162]

I like how fast he cut to the chase!

[@troisquarts3659]

This was the perfect conversation to hear after watching the first two seasons of Grey's Anatomy.

[@cathyosullivan718]

A lot of people don’t leave a relationship until they have someone else. I wonder what the percentages of these new relationships work out?

[@sgo1oneill]

5-7% of all affairs will lead to a relationship, and 75% will end in divorce. That is about 1 successful relationship out of 100.

[@cathyosullivan718]

Thanks

[@mightymouse1005]

Probably low When people don't heal after breakups, they carry their garbage to the next person. You immediately dump a decade of trash in their home. First, we must learn to enjoy our own company and be comfortable alone. If we're not comfortable with ourselves, we can't be comfortable with anyone else. Take months or a year to HEAL

[@aqua6613]

Stay away from codependent people 😅.

[@katiesimpson8517]

Zip. I'm betting it's a repeated cycle. The best indication of future behavior is past behavior. (Dr. Phil)

[@frankirwin5684]

If Bradley stays give it a couple years and he’ll call back asking “how did this happen”

[@aelh123]

Yup, yup

[@erichchan3]

"where are all the good women at?"

[@mightymouse1005]

She's cheating on me and I don't understand why

[@brandyk]

Yes I recently watched one of John's videos that had that exact situation n now 3 kids involved.

[@aelh123]

8:56 “old school trauma bonding” oh man, this dude is just trying so hard to prove there’s something “real” between them ☹️

[@daleduncan5080]

And that’s not even what trauma bonding is. People throw that phrase around when they connect over common trauma. A trauma bond is formed in the victim when they are in a roller coaster of abuse and “love“, up and down, highs and lows. They bond with the abuser for to the trauma.

[@mightymouse1005]

Trauma Bond is a very unhealthy emotional attachment from love bombing and manipulation. He knows their relationship is not healthy

[@lindaayres7102]

He is hoping that there is something between them. People that cheat on their partner are not being honest with them self or the other person. You don't need a ring to prove that there married its how you conduct them self.

[@rijd2304]

So many people are looking for love externally, and for validation and anxiety relief from outside. Books like 30 Days to Reduce Anxiety by Harper Daniels, Unwinding Anxiety by Brewer, and Redefining Anxiety by Delony are nice mental getaways and reminders that we need to slow down and return to the core.

[@fleetofwjs1893]

Control freak vs. 4 kids under 5. My money is on the kids. Let it go or you are going to lose everything and only realize later that you did it to yourself.

[@erichchan3]

Exactly....what is more important in that household....being right or getting the help. It sounds like hes being an active father but may just not do things the exact way she wants. The more she berates him for not getting her OCD ways of doing things, the more he is going to shy away and not help out at all to avoid confrontation. Men want peace especially in their household. Most of us already take enough BS at work and the last thing we want to do is come home to my wife who is doing the same thing.

[@DojoofGain]

@@erichchan3 plus he is a teacher he is home more than anyone else with a job, she wants too much

[@HeartFireSessions]

have the instructions WRITTEN OUT, so you only have to tell him once. Hand him the paper and say, do that.

[@ammaraymen9898]

Learn to accept your husbands efforts because when you start teaching your children to do chores, you’ll be open to their efforts also.

[@benascg-ll7sq]

30:05 Dr John's asking " when u feel like snaping, what 's the worst that could happen?" Answer : my husband is done and leaves me. Period

[@mightymouse1005]

My old boss used to say "in 5 years, will this matter?"

[@sbmedeiros11]

Bahh.. Mother of babies.. she needs to control everything because her life is chaos. Things have to be done in certain ways because it makes things run smoother for her. I didn't have my kids as close together as her but I did the same. We had a tight schedule. Foods had to precise to minimize kid meltdowns. Dad carries no mental load and is sort of an interloper into the world mom has built.

[@Clic03]

Good show!

[@AubreeFusselman]

“Our pets heads are falling off!!!..” Haha! We say that every time we are stressed.

[@carnivoreRon]

The second caller is abusing her husband. Eventually , he will get enough of the emasculation and everything will blow up.

[@vickimerritt2832]

While true, what is sad is that these guys mommas taught them zip about parenting, basic housekeeping, or any household skills at all. Seriously if a wife gets in a guys bass boat and just half arsed begain arranging her way, rods, lures, gas can etc, he likely would have a right way to handle those things for a reason, ditto with laundry, dishes and how it is done and why. Not rocket science, Just work together and learn how to do it in your family.

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

We all need to do better at family planning. So many callers have more than 1 or 2 children. I'm kinda confused. Does it really take that many children to make your relationship issues become visible? I think women need to be smarter than this. It seems like we keep having more and more children....even when there are already problems in paradise. We all need to look at all of the possibilities, nothing is guaranteed. Only make choices that each is willing and able to handle alone.

[@ToLovelyJesus]

@@CaliCoast805_lovin_lifeShaming a mom for having more children doesn’t exactly solve her problem.

[@JenniferoftheSea]

What? Who is "we"? Please speak for yourself and yourself alone when it comes to family desires and children. ​@CaliCoast805_lovin_life

[@brandyk]

​@@ToLovelyJesuspeople giving their opinion is not shaming

[@maryokeefe2144]

Great advice

[@jandeshon8264]

Good advice

[@jeanettehodgkinson4518]

The shopping in Phoenix is awesome!

[@myshihtzudontstink]

I had an ex gf like the guy in the first called was calling about. She was moving away so we broke up but not before she had 3 more boyfriends in the couple months til she left and now she has 8 kids with 8 different guys.

[@CarinaAbramovic-sh8ej]

Great show, John as every time! 🙏🤗

[@korencunningham40]

Thumbs up for the T-shirt, Dr. John! Old school hip-hop has a special place in my heart too! "You gots to chill" was my senior year in high school. I'm going to dig out my door knocker gold earrings and thick rope gold necklace. 😂 Love your show and your heart for people. Keep up the good work 👍

[@5thdimensionliving727]

Thanks John ✅ I’ve pre-ordered it 🙏 keep up the excellent work 😊

[@Maria-jo6nn]

Those feelings are temporary . It’s not going to last. I would wait until she gets divorced .

[@tammykocher7810]

Now there’s 3 people I loved your chat at the Smart Conference-Chicago! You were epic and the timely topics and your book got a few 🥳. Thank YOU 🙏 superfan I bought at Conference are those autographed ☀️

[@tatianayakovenko147]

I got addicted to your show 🤦🤦🤦

[@rivkabaranowski1642]

Mom has am amazing husband, childrin are not easy, (I know, my oldist is almust 3, and have a one year old, and pregnant) For any mom her situation hang on and make sure that your relationship is srong. Don't be afrad o ask for help

[@BarelyNoticedADD]

3rd caller. Eventually you do have to take ownership of what you do and stop placing yourself in a position to get hurt.

[@gricel8402]

Brad, you deserve better .

[@RCGWho]

My mortgage includes taxes and insurance. Is the Mom lying about, "Oh,yeah, property taxes. " I feel like she's just trying to find an angle that gets sympathy and more money. Show me the bill is fantastic advice.

[@itsallperfectlynormal9805]

And, if the house is paid off, the sister freeloading should get that bill. Divide it by 12, and paid either monthly, or into an escrow account.

[@SassyL62]

27:30 control freaks…this is good

[@joanlovelace7338]

I would love to hear follow up on how some of these people are doing...

[@Calabriaxox389]

We need follow ups!! Lol

[@barbmautner9869]

As a martial artist..... he should believe in truth and integrity. He is not being honest with himself. Lies are lies....

[@therealsandraweise]

Post partem is real. Women have suffered with the bulk of body disruption and parenting labor for too long. Some men can, but most men crumble in the same role, just like women crumble in some men's roles... but that's max 60 hours a week. There are 168 hours in any week. Kids are in school max 35 of them if FULL TIME. Someone...does *AT LEAST* 133 hours of parenting every single week. 3 full time jobs = 120 hours. 4 full time jobs = 160 hours. Let. That. Sink. In.

[@SassyL62]

oh that is my dad “you know this could happen” be careful be careful you could be taken!! lolol every time i leave the house “be careful” yeah well now im the most cautious person i’ve met lol

[@charlottechristian1]

Wow. No policeman father, he left and I had a wonderful stepfather. Everything else??? Thank you for this call!!!!

[@SandraPerez-pd6ru]

My way if u do thing right thing come out Right simple

[@analozada9475]

First call: if she was physically separated, yet still going through a divorce it would be ok, but the fact that she still lives with her husband is not ok. Second call: I don’t understand why folks would have so many kids back to back. To me that’s the definition of insanity and self inflicted suffering. Pregnancies are high risk and are a form of physical trauma, which literally sucks the life and nutrients out of your body. But to each their own. Third call: she needs to establish stronger boundaries and crack the whip on her mom and sister. They’re a literally not her responsibility, yet she’s still very generous with them and they’re taking advantage of her. Like, I understand how she feels cuz my mom is disabled and she doesn’t qualify for government assistance, so I feel like I have to care of her cuz is my mom and she has no one else (I’m the only child), yet my mom never demands anything, she’s very considerate and she helps me a lot around the house and only asks for the bare minimum, so in that sense I’m very lucky, but I understand how she feels when having a disabled parent. It’s tough cuz we feel trapped and guilty, yet we gotta think about our health first, so we are able to function for ourselves first and be able to help others.

[@brandyk]

Agree with your remarks regarding the married daughter and her mother. I was wondering how old the sister was who was still living with the Mom. Being that housing is likely her biggest expense is their someway they can all help her figure out a move sometimes less expensive etc. if she owes property taxes sounds like somehow she still owns a home. Which is pretty difficult to do. Is there anyway she can get on a section 8 type housing or something. I would help her figure out if she is getting every benefit she is technically eligible for. Food stamps, some transportation benefits, medical etc. what bills does she actually have? She likely doesn't own a car or have car insurance if she has a seizure disorder. Does the Mom have friends? How can you help her get into a social situation that can at least over the time improve her life as well as take burden off of you. Some people... actually many people spend more than they should due to boredom. I'm guessing she doesn't work so she has an entire day to fill. This can be difficult and worse for those who dont have too many or any inexpensive hobbies. Maybe that's why she got the concert tickets.. The mom should have brought up the $1000 property taxes when they had the sit down few weeks prior. I would feel the same way and was surprised when John did say it exactly like this bc she is 100% choosing her own reckless spending over her daughter happiness. I don't care how her life did not go as she expected and now on disability, just like you said about your mother,not every mother would put their daughter on the spot like this time n again. I've been on disability and my life has not gone like even 10% as I'd have wanted and have even been homeless living in my car. I didn't even get to have children but if I did I would only ask or take something in a real emergency if at all. It's much more difficult to have problems when you overspend (whatever ones income) but certainly less wiggle room when on the lower end.

[@misamisa2677]

She enjoys everything that how's the husband cuddling up to him and you're alone thinking of her she gets benefits from both worlds just like men do when they cheat no different

[@listenquitely2888]

Wow. Brutal. I love it. He really needed to hear that.

[@JoeTheDIY]

No ice cream for dinner? False!

[@genx1976]

Caller 2…I agree with Dr. D until he got to the part of I pass by my kids to get to my wife part. No way! If that works for them…awesome. It doesn’t for me and didn’t worked for us. My kids are number one priority. They come first then he does come second. What we are teaching to our kids with his way of thinking is that his wife ( or husband) comes first. Meaning…you are a woman or man first then you are a parent! Totally messed up! I guess if your priority is to be a husband or wife first then great for you. I have one job to be the BEST parent I can be…my children will come first.

[@JennieC21]

That’s was the same with me too. My kids are young adults now. I walk in my door, the first to greet me is my Pupper, all body/tail wags, I greet him first with pets. If the kids are in the immediate area/kitchen we will have already said Hi on entrance or if they’re upstairs either they call out or I call up hello. My husband will either come greet me or I go to him. We kiss hello and ask each other how our days went. Then I go kiss the kids hello and ask how their day went. BUT when they were young they were my first priority. Didn’t have a dog so there wasn’t one in the equation. Hubby was then greeted and we talked about our day. If I am home before any of them, Me and the dog wag our tails and excitedly go greet them at the door as they enter 😂 I guess I tried/try to make them ALL a priority but the kids were my main focus when they were little.

[@calebhall7040]

Died when he said my pets head are falling off hahaha because me my wife and kids always say that!

[@andrewjackson9948]

Caller 2 You can pick one He does it his way Or You do it yourself. You arent his manager, he isnt your employee and if you act like that you destroy your relationship. You say he does so much and lets you sleep in yet you keep punishing good behavior. How can that last? What kind of world have you created for your husband. What kind of life is that? Thats being an awful partner.

[@MsNessSan]

What time does your show go live? Can we go in and see live? I’m assuming it’s at the Ramsey Headquarters

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Mod on the Ramsey show said he films around 10:30 in the morning and yes you can go see it filmed live!

[@stephenbolen1262]

I am talking from the other man from the other side. My wife did this to me. Run from this situation. Extremely dangerous you’re messing with a man and his wife. You will destroy his life. Run as fast as you can. Extremely dangerous.

[@Mszahnclass95]

Definitely let go of control ,be thankful your husband wants to help out .if i had a husband , comes to me an say how can i help .i dont care how he does it .everyone does things different .ll i appreciate hes offer that is a big turn on instead of controlling. I dont believe just a happy wife .i believe in happy marriage gor husband an wife

[@pinkdipi]

The last calll. What score are they talking about? ASOS? He mentioned ASOS(?) score 9

[@rebeccamcelhaney]

If she’s cheating on her husband, she’ll cheat on you if y’all ever get married. She has her cake & eating it too right now. She’s got the best of both worlds! She’s being supported by her husband and she’s getting to fool around with you! She’s not going anywhere

[@hansendesigns]

Property taxes are not a surprise. :(

[@alvinstreicker4579]

They could be putting money into a retirement or savings or education ie university

[@noJIBBYjab]

Go with love...not lust

[@brandyk]

Not that it changes anything but i was curious how long this had been going on. 3 month,1 yr? He also is ruining himself for another prospective mate. If i knew this was the relationship he was in prior to me or short time ago I'd likely not want to be involved partly bc if his character but partly bc id wonder if when she gets divorced would he gi to her.

[@DavidPavlovich2]

Why do people do this to themselves if they’ll cheat with you they’ll cheat on you. It’s not if it’s when

[@PAPPY8389]

Are we able to order John's books In Canada?

[@mightymouse1005]

I got them on Amazon. Maybe that will help

[@raquel-bd8pc]

I met my ex when he was separated. He had his own apartment. It STILL took him years to divorce cause she didn't want it and he didn't want to hurt her. He wanted her to have his insurance... He wanted his cake and eat it too... He had both of us ... I waited and waited. FOR NOThing. The divorce finalized but there was alot of damage done. To EVERYONE.. my fault. If someone is only separated, they are STILL MARRIED and they are NOT DONE.

[@TrebleFM]

I hope John sees this. A women im talking to divorced her husband because she didnt want to live in a bad area to raise kids in. She's down to earth and we have a lot in common. I know the bible says "dont marry a divorced women while her husband is still living". what should I do? in my head im thinking if she divorced him why wouldnt she divorce me

[@Nikitaxo24]

I'm a Christian. Reflect on that statement she divorced her husband because she doesn't want to raise her kids in a bad area. What an excuse to get divorced. If raising her kids in a less socially economical area was a problem for her should of thought about having kids. Also selfish reason to divorce anyone. Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce, says the Lord God.” Whatever grounds the Bible possibly gives for divorce, that does not mean God desires a divorce to occur in those instances. Rather than asking “is ______ a grounds for divorce,” often the question should be “is _______ grounds for forgiveness, restoration, and/or counseling?”Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce, says the Lord God.” Whatever grounds the Bible possibly gives for divorce, that does not mean God desires a divorce to occur in those instances. The Bible gives two clear grounds for divorce: (1) sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32; 19:9) and (2) abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15). Even in these two instances, though, divorce is not required or even encouraged. The most that can be said is that sexual immorality and abandonment are grounds (an allowance) for divorce. Confession, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration are always the first steps. Divorce should only be viewed as a last resort. Are there any grounds for divorce beyond what the Bible explicitly says? Perhaps, but we do not presume upon the Word of God. It is very dangerous to go beyond what the Bible says (1 Corinthians 4:6). The most frequent additional grounds for divorce that people inquire about are spousal abuse (emotional or physical), child abuse, addiction to pornography, drug / alcohol use, crime / imprisonment, and mismanagement of finances (such as through a gambling addiction). None of these can be claimed to be explicit biblical grounds for a divorce. That does not necessarily mean, though, that none of them are grounds for divorce which God would approve of. For example, we cannot imagine that it would be God’s desire for a wife to remain with a husband who physically abuses her and/or their children. In such an instance, the wife should definitely separate herself and the children from the abusive husband. However, even in such a situation, a time of separation with the goal of repentance and restoration should be the ideal, not necessarily immediately beginning divorce proceedings. Please understand, by saying that the above are not biblical grounds for divorce, we are definitely not saying that a man/woman whose spouse is engaging in these shouldn't consider divorce but restoration,admissions of fault, forgiveness if possible should be considered first. So your intuition is right. She will divorce you for a selfish reason like her first husband. Also not every women who goes to church is in God's kingdom.

[@mightymouse1005]

Do you want to wait 20, 30 or 40 years for marriage? Have you had sex with her? If so.... The Bible doesn't say it's a salvation issue. The Bible says many many things but, there's a difference in Moses/Jewish law and God's law. I would say, the older you get, the less likely a never married woman will be there

[@JenniferoftheSea]

Sounds like she bailed out on her husband.

[@rebeccaoliver7977]

This poor daughter needs support! Why is John encouraging her to give her mother thousand dollars when her mother just went out and bought concert tickets. Her mother’s taxes are going to be late!!! Maybe her mother will be responsible moving forward.

[@drkarenbukharibukhari9931]

❤2ndlife❤

[@Nikitaxo24]

This episode is old..now is the book on kindle..I hope so.

[@Mellowmichelle]

Anyone know what to do about this if it’s your adult child and they know you have alot of money!?

[@leahrosemondberry3514]

For caller #1 when John says, "When you have 1 baby in one arm and 1 in the other, and 1 wrapped around your leg... And he has 1 baby in his arms, he is in survival mode at this point..." THIS IS WHY PEOPLE GET "OVER" WELL DONE with their spouses ! A 1:3 ratio puts a man into overwhelmed while they can CLEARLY see their spouse is taking on the majority of the struggle of just kids??? I don't get why this ever has to be explained. For someone to not understand why a person could/has struggle and stress with this ratio is selfishly WILD to me! Math class in any grade would never accept this as an answer, so why do we as adults justify this????

[@John-du2mq]

Because women are built for those situations. Their bodies, their minds, their hormones, their genetics etc. It's totally fair that a man would be overwhelmed and a woman wouldn't. Those people that say there's no difference between men and women are delusional. Plus it's on the man to keep that house afloat economically and be the protector at the same time.

[@ToLovelyJesus]

@@John-du2mqThat’s a bit of a cop-out. Yes, I do believe that women do have more capacity to deal with kids, but I also think that sometimes men act as if they can handle less than they can because they don’t want to help. (To be clear I’m not talking about her husband I’m talking about situations I’ve seen in real life.)

[@mightymouse1005]

My mom had 5 kids in 8 years. Mayhem

[@mightymouse1005]

Maybe they both wanted a big family in a certain amount of time. Many people don't want kids after 30. Took both to make them

[@mightymouse1005]

​@@John-du2mqwomen multi task much better. Men generally do one task and go to the next. Women do many things at once

[@aembusiness]

I love BONES!!

[@skirti44]

4:35 is this whats going on?

[@hadenanderson563]

I wonder if the medical thing first guy helped her through had anything to do with reproduction.

[@agnstthwnd1]

When all you’ve known is stress that’s what you feed.

[@dianewatson23]

You