Is My Pastor a Bully?

Ask Pastor John
Episode: 467
Transcript: www.desiringgod.org/interview...

[@joshuapizarro]

"His reaction to you will tell you a lot." That last thing Pastor John said was spot on. I've had to speak to the head pastor of a church once because of their unbiblical views and he exploded on me. I felt sad for him and his congregation because he was more focused on earthly things as opposed to focused solely on Jesus Christ. Lord, please open his eyes!

[@susandumbill8805]

Hi Joshua, I'm inclined to hold such 'pastors' in contempt now; stupid little boys getting off on throwing their weight about on others, some even making other grown men in leadership afraid of them. Sheer stupidity! They need a thorough rude awakening sometimes. And I'm ready... I've already spoken to the police about one of them. I'll do more if I need to. You see, you've got to fight this, stand up for yourself if you can. If you can't, then find an organization that can. Show them - prove to them - that they're NOT 'gods'. They're NOT invincible. They CAN'T get away with everything. Oh, how I wish I could give some of them a good Horse-Whipping!

[@s.a3099]

I’ve noticed a few very popular pastors who give wonderful sermons, but often use sarcasm and cutting remarks and it makes me sad :/ it’s best to be able to speak the truth with boldness and love, and never resort to personal attacks. This *can* be done, even when publically calling someone out. You just have to have the right spirit about you.

[@silentday4503]

Yes, it’s passive aggression and it relies on plausible deniability. It’s definitely not ok, and it’s not just an issue from the pulpit. Passive aggression is a deeply spiritual problem; it used to be classified as a mental health disturbance. Calling someone out in public is also not necessary as a first step- using Matthew 18 works at least for me 100% of the time, as I know it takes courage, and great love. I recommend confronting privately any pastor or person using PA tactics; many will deny there’s an issue, but that’s still helpful- document it. I even give 3 chances at private confrontation because I love people! I want to gain them, not humiliate them!

[@susandumbill8805]

@@silentday4503 Hey! Get this! I was suspended from a church because I was telling others that the pastor & a married couple in leadership there were controlling. I admit that I didn't handle it well, but I wasn't "allowed" to make contact with anyone or attend meetings for a month. During that time I had a bad ear infection & nearly lost my ear drum. It was an extremely isolating time, so painful in many ways. Back at work, half way through my 'banishment' period the only contact I had was with colleagues & patients at work (an acute psychiatric ward where I worked as a nurse). Then, 7 years later the senior pastor was suspended for 12 months from that role because he was having "an inappropriate friendship with a single woman in the church"!!!! Stupid bastard hypocrite! Bloody hypocrites! Obedience and submission???? I think some would benefit far from a damn good thrashing - with a horse whip!

[@DaleBoyce2012]

I found this very helpful! Thank you Pastor John for tackling delicate issues like this one.

[@Richie016]

getting rid of the uselessness of mislead perceptions or suggestions helps conclude better & work with the facts. Thank you Pastor John.

[@phoenixfeng535]

Amen and Amen! Although I am not a pastor, the biblical principles mentioned here are very helpful for me to learn how to build up others and become a blessing to others. ❤

[@toddyahushua7972]

I Did Not Come to Bring Peace, But a Sword 12/17/09 From YahuShua HaMashiach, Our Lord and Savior The Word of The Lord Spoken to Timothy During an Online Fellowship For The Lord’s Little Flock, and For All Those Who Have Ears to Hear Addendum to “Come to Me; No More Time to Tarry” This question was asked: What does it mean when The Lord says to stop judging His Word? Thus says The Lord: Beloved, the time of testing this Word has passed, yet you test Me still. How is it you have yet to discern? For I have indeed opened My mouth to speak, and through My prophet I have spoken to this generation, for I shall surely set all these crooked paths straight. And behold, My every word convicts, bringing all who hear My words into subjection, for My every word is law. Thus it has also become your judge, testing the quality of your works, revealing the strength of your trust and that upon which you have built your faith. Yet you sit still, pushing out the hand when My words oppose your will, holding fast when My commands shake up the status quo to which you have grown accustomed. I have already told you, that only those who fully embrace Me and obey My voice are given the right to be called children of God. And only those who receive the love of the Truth are set free. Yet you judge My Word and seek always to find fault with My prophet, that you might somehow be loosed from these bonds, as though the Way of The Lord was akin to shackles and chains. Beloved ones, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but only the children abide forever. Therefore if The Son sets you free, you are free indeed, as it is written. It is written also: Do not speak evil of one another. For whoever speaks evil of a brother, or judges a brother, speaks evil of The Law and judges The Law. But if you judge The Law, you are not a doer of what The Law says, but a judge. Thus in the same way, one who speaks evil of My messenger and judges My prophet speaks evil of Me and judges the Word. And one who judges the Word will by no means obey it, but have set themselves up as an authority, a judge, held captive by their own evil thoughts. Again, one who refuses My messenger can by no means receive My message, and one who judges him has blinded themselves to the Truth. For there is none righteous, no, not one. Yet The One who sent the message is true. Thus the one who delivers My Word must also be its recipient, or how shall I send him? And all those who judge can do nothing and shall receive nothing; even that which they have shall be taken away. Therefore what I have written stays written, and what I have spoken stands. For the time of choosing has come, all shall be sifted; Even by this Word shall it be accomplished, a great division!... For as it is written: I did not come to bring peace, but a sword... Says The Lord. www.thevolumesoftruth.com/I_Did_Not_Come_to_Bring_Peace,_But_a_Sword

[@susandumbill8805]

I'm sorry but some of us have experienced varied kinds of abuse in the church, including by bully-boy/girl pastors. Sexually inappropriate behaviour, financial pressure, spiritual, mental and emotional abuse. In order to survive I am developing several ways to identify this, and how to respond. I now view pastors, elders etc with wariness, and take a long time to trust most of them. As women especially we have to do this. Ladies - you are not obligated to let a pastor/elder/other have sexual access to your body, no matter how subtly it can be done sometimes, even on public. These men are clever. Don't let them treat you like a concubine or whore.

[@silentday4503]

I’m in the same position, I don’t know how to trust anymore. But I think trust should be earned

[@susandumbill8805]

I'm sorry to add this, but I tend to view strong, forceful personality pastors, elders etc as potentially dangerous animals. After all, you would avoid contact with such unless really necessary, & only then if you had the appropriate protective clothing etc. There's nothing much you can do with a Pit Bull, Rottweiler etc if it's been trained to fight - and to kill. And it's the same with these people. Accustomed to bullying and terrorising others, the bully-boy/girl 'pastor' is a serious liability & especially to the most vulnerable members, including children. Even other elders are afraid of them, grown men included (Mars Hill elders, for example, of M Driscoll). So I find this is the only way. A safe, kind pastor is nice, & a comfort to the soul, but they too can be bullied by the above, and could easily give in. So, no, I don't know if there are any really safe churches out there; it's either abusive or too soft, weak and impotent. Both bad.