Is my sister narcissistic?

[@bradenevans514]

My sister is the same way. We are twins. I always tried to help her. She was in a domestically violent relationship and I did everything to help her. She discarded me many times after she and him made amends. She spoiled me last December on our birthday with a trip to Europe because she wanted to go. I payed my own way but she made the itinerary. She stayed on the phone with her man and ignored me much of the time. One time we went to NYC for our birthday and she met a new man there. They both abandoned me for three days. I was left alone in the city. I am from Oklahoma so you could imagine how scared I was. I could not catch a flight home early.

[@Mysticalvibe1]

Bradenvans514. I know your comment is over a year old and you might see this but in your story I can completely identify with you. I always wondered if my sister is a narcissist because what others described in other videos or comments didn't always resonate with me. My sister is ten years older and I never even knew her growing up because she married young and moved out of state. I remember the times I did visit her or she would so call visit our parents when they were alive. " I never would even spend any quality or even time with her. She was divorced and always had a new man. Even. Being nearby she would not even eat out or go to lunch with any of us. She would do everything with partner number "who knows" lol she would say she was to busy. They would go to events and I was never invited. I remember vividly when I completed a training school years and years ago and she was going through a divorce with her then husband " who by the way the kids are grown now". She invited me to move out of state to come live with her to a new apartment and how great it would be for both of us. Well my parents thought that would be great also for both of us. The day I arrived she already had a new man. She moved in with him and I got stuck living with her ex and kids. I never saw her. Of course her ex didn't want me their and neither did I. Talk about uncomfortable is putting it mildly. When I cried and said how hurt I was she simply responded to me in a matter of fact way. ". Do you expect me to entertain you and hold your hand just cuz you moved ?". I have a life you know. Now that she is older in her sixties the man grab situation is in the past. No man. And now she does have health issues but they have magnified to every ailment under the sun as d the worst case any Doctor has ever witnessed. Yeah ok than. Lol. We now live in the same state and won't go into detail for fear I'll be called an idiot. I've been helping her a lot after she had surgery and it's like nonstop running. I called her adult girls and asked why they never visit her They are less than 20 minutes away and I wanted to spend time with them. I asked them in the years I didn't spend time with her is she always delegating duties and acting like she is helpless. Their reply. " Yeah that's why they don't spend time anymore It's always about her and fetching things. Well I got my answer. Her neighbors are fooled and she is wonderful around them and they always ask about her. I know my comments.run forever but I have no one to talk to about this and it has been eating me for a long time. I just was surprised to see a comment that kind of resonatated with me. I could have just wrapped this up saying "she went from man crazy to a hypochondriac who has suffered every ailment known to man. PS I have to have humor to keep my sanity

[@kevinhornbuckle]

@@Mysticalvibe1These are behaviors typical of narcissistic siblings. Protect yourself.

[@SuzkaMares]

I feel you 💯! The narc sibling will only talk to the scapegoat when they need something. They will humiliate you and make you look like the fool in the family. If they have kids they will raise them to be self entitled brats too. My older sister has never shown me any respect or given me a genuine compliment, ever.

[@beckyg8028]

Same with me. 3 years no contact now. It's sad because I don't get to see nieces & nephews but she controls everything so it has to be this way.😢

[@mujerloba3942]

My brother has only ever hugged me once, when our dad died. He’s only said he loved me once, when I told him we would no longer be communicating.

[@phoenixclairsentientempath2119]

⁠same, I also have cut off the contact, 11 years no contact. Sad, yes, especially I can't see my nieces. But then I realise in this 11th year of no contact that I have done the right thing and no need to be sad. This is the only way. To save my life, my dignity.

[@dylannaenzo9737]

@@phoenixclairsentientempath2119 I could no longer stand the disrespect being seen by my nieces and nephews. And then I remember, I never had a good time with them, so why would I want to be with them at all.

[@Kware56]

Yes, I can attest that they are very consistent with their behavior

[@oldcrone]

I dont know who my sister is either. One minute she is adoring and the next she wants to destroy you. A total nut job.

[@CelticVampireQueen]

My sister calls me a narcissist but I'm not. It's just an evil sociopathic fantasy she has about me.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

Siblings are subjected to episodes of narcissistic rage.

[@ToxicFreeTV]

It really sucks having a narcissistic sibling. I know from experience that nothing ever feels right with them. I'm sorry I waited until age 60 to go no contact.

[@thescapegoatclub]

It is horrible- yes, always knowing that something feels off or wrong. Hope you're doing ok now.

[@johncorson6599]

After escaping my 2nd oldest brother after living with him for 2 years during convid lockdowns and a layoff I experienced .. I believe he poisoned me with rat poison 3 weeks before I moved away .. he could careless that I was sick for 2.5 days .. he is 1 of 6 siblings with one of my sisters closest in age to me undoubtedly the golden child and ridiculously wealthy … like outlined in the video, I cannot recall my sister EVER interacting with me in high school though we were on the yearbook staff together and I was on the football team .. then I attended the same college she did and other than she invited me to visit her sorority ( funny how $ were dumped into several of my siblings that I NEVER saw) 1 time in the first 3 weeks of my first year in college .. I don’t remember seeing her again THAT YEAR I think at least 2 of my siblings are definitely narcissists .. don’t really think the others are but are messed up due to the dynamic .. I decided to go no contact with them at age 62 … everything is a joke to them all and they can’t talk like normal ppl in my opinion .. the ‘baby’ brother is tired of their lack of genuineness .. they only contacted when they needed something from me .. I thought we were ‘family’ as THEY talk of it as if they know what a loving family is like .. they do not .. I was basically rescued by an actual loving family whose father raised the now adult kids and they treat me very well and now I can help them too and do so

[@shayj3373]

At least you know you gave the relationship every chance...... But good for you... Be free............

[@mariafarley7602]

That’s me too. Finally went no contact at age 60. Hardest but best decision I have ever made. It can be lonely but the peaceful life is so worth it.

[@cynthiaestrada8318]

I'm 65 and I'm going no contact only now.

[@Aura33322]

Sad part is when you think it’s normal but than you see other big sisters being so nice to their sisters you realize you have it bad

[@thescapegoatclub]

This breaks my heart. Sending hugs to you

[@Mysticalvibe1]

And when you see how other sisters are with each other it hits your gut and long to have a sister like them. I'm glad people still are commenting on an older video. It reminds me and soothes me I'm not alone

[@teresacatherine1620]

I can relate to this so much , the older sibling will resent you just for being born , the part about never getting a compliment same here , No contact for 3 years now & doing great 👍😍

[@Ikaros23]

If she: 1: is entiteled 2: always need to have things « her way» 3: gaslights 4: uses silent treatments 5: manipulates 6: has a mix of « superiority» and « inferiority» complex 7: you feel like shit after seeing her 8: she guilt trips you alot 9: all conversations is about her. Directly or indirectly ( talking about things she cares about) 10: when you try to talk about a subject thats emotional that makes her feel vulnerable, she lashes out in anger/irritation or quicly change the subject. 11: She blame shifts 12: she gossips 13: she has a victim mentality 14: she has a « instrumental» view on people 15: she is only there when the « sun shines». That is a « good weather» sibling/friend 16: She talks about her self as a saint I would say that if she has 3-5 of these she is « toxic», and is what most people call a « asshole». And she is then «a narcissist». But to have « narcissistic personality dissorder she need 5/9 of the points in the DSM5.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Hi there, I appreciate your breakdown of NPD, but I don't want to diagnose on this channel. I am not qualified to do so, and couldn't do so for a family member even if I was. So I don't want to give misinformation, or suggest that we diagnose other people in our lives. I want to talk about narcissistic behaviours and how to recognize them in day to day life. Hope you have a great day!!

[@Ikaros23]

@@thescapegoatclub Then why are you asking " Is my sister a narcissist" ?. And after this you say " I want to talk about narcissistic behaviours and how to recognize them in day to day life" As far as i can see you are not giving as you say " misinformation", the information in my bulletpoint list is the reality of people who are either on the "narcissistic spectrum" or has " Narcissistic personality dissorder". My simple point is that if you have a person who do alot of these actions when you interact with them. Then you know that they are indeed on the " narcissistic spectrum". What you can`t know and most probably will never know is if they have NPD. The reason is that they will never tell you ( They will lose controll/power). There is no 100% sure method to know fast if a person has NPD or is high on the spectrum. The only way is to use " logic", and to pin point they`re actions over time. So this is not a " diagnosis" , but more a " observation". You can also test them. That is see how they react in day to day. If you do a normal thing like telling them of your day. Or want to make a apointment. But they instead act with agression, irritation, manipulation, silent treatment, blame shifting, gaslighting. And you see that they do this also over time ( write it down in a diary) . Then you see they`re actions. And if they look like a duck, acts like a duck... Well most likely they are a duck!. What you do with this information is up to you. This is as far as i can see the answer to your second question. That is with observation over time, we can indeed see if a person i high on the narcissistic spectrum. That is you can know for sure that the person is as people say " highly toxic". Many get lost in the question " is this person a narcissist?". Reality is that we can never know for sure if they have NPD. But we can know for sure that the person is on the spectrum or high on the spectrum. This is also all we need to know. What you do with this observation is up to you. Great video!

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@Ikaros23 ok, I see your perspective. I just want to be very clear, because I am training to be a therapist that I am not trying to diagnose, so I deliberately don’t want to go through the DSM bullet point list. I appreciate you sharing it, and can see the value in having that information, I just want to be very clear about my position on diagnosis. Does that make sense? I also very much agree that there is a spectrum. And that we are all on it to some extent, but when it reaches a tipping point, then, for me, questions need to be asked about the reality of a relationship with that person. Did I do that? I also try to keep the titles to the vids short and simple. I want to include narcissistic/narcissism as much as possible so that people will find the channel. It would be too long and drawn out to write a title like ‘hey, I can’t diagnose and there is a difference between narcissism, narcissistic behaviours and NPD, but my sister is toxic and I see a lot of narcissistic behaviour patterns which I wanted to share in case you are experiencing something similar and wondering if your sibling is narcissistic’ 😉😉 Anyway, I really do appreciate your comments, I hope my perspective makes sense! Take care 😀

[@Ikaros23]

@@thescapegoatclub I see your point of view, but at the same time why ask questions about a mental dissorder ( narcissism) without using the DSM5?. It`s like asking the question " Is my leg broken?" without using observation and a tool like xray to see inside the leg. The DSM5 is the tool that`s used to analyse if there is signs of narcissism. I understand that this might be hard. But also see that i am not a therapist. If you ask " the internet" questions about mental health and you discribe a person we have not seen. And you discribe your observation of the person as a selfish, little or zero empathy, neglect, entitelment,gaslighting, manipulation and so on. All we can do is to simply say " Yes this person is high on the narcissism spectrum". That is your sister seems to be high on this sprectrum from the evidence you have been talking about. But i am not a therapist, and have only second hand information. I would say that this person seem " highly toxic" at least. But it is impossible to know if she has NPD. But do it even matter if she had NPD?. I think you know for a fact that she is toxic. From my point of view this is not as complicated as people make it. The important thing is to use " logic", and to see things objectiv. And to your other question. I have myself gone " no contact" with my own sister. She is as far as i can see not a NPD, but is a enabler for our narcissistic/addict mother ( who i am also no contact with). People need to find out on they`re own what they need to do, but as far as i can see it`s important to see the truth as it is and to stick with facts/logic. Finding out the truth about the " narcissistic family cult", is hard. And to others who might read this text i highly recomend to use a therapist who is a expert on the topic of narcissism and to use the DSM5 to see things clearly. Also the " grey rock method" if it`s impossible to go "no contact".

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@Ikaros23 I appreciate your comments! Good luck with your sister…. Though it sounds like you have made your decision there. ❤️‍🩹

[@annmccafferty6749]

I feel like you are describing my family dynamics perfectly! My sister is 3 yrs older, demands full control and I don’t remember any relationship with her as a child either! . Thank you so much for validating this for me! 💕

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh no, you too? I’m so sorry but glad the video helped.

[@princesinha1680]

I had the revelation that my younger sister is narcissistic over a year ago. We are both in our 40s now. We had a love/hate relationship when we were children--playmates and friends one minute, then enemies the next (fighting was usually physical)--but drifted apart as we got older. Admittedly, I hated her for a long time, because she started to bully me, and it was obvious she had become the idolized 'golden child' in my large family. She got away with many bad behaviors because of her looks and charming, charismatic personality. My codependent mom, in particular, overtly favored her over me. Partly due to this sister, I became the scapegoat in my family. Sadly, in recent years she has turned many of my siblings against me (I'm one of 8), including my youngest sister, who I used to be very close to. This has been devastating and heartbreaking. Nearly everyone in my family, including parents, are blind to who she really is, because of how she manipulates them. As her scapegoat, I'm the only one who truly sees her cruel, exploitative, and abusive behavior. Narcissistic siblings can cause so much damage and destruction in families. Sadly, it's usually us scapegoats that pay the highest price in that destruction. My heart goes out to you, and all fellow scapegoats, who know this kind of pain. Keep up the great work on this channel...❤

[@janicebelfiore856]

My son died 5 years ago. He was my only child. My sister, the narcisist gave 0 support. In fact she was mad he owed money to the landlord. I finally went no contact this year

[@DP-vz2su]

So sorry about your son and your sisters lack of support:(

[@thescapegoatclub]

This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. Sending support to you now.

[@aggiesart6]

❤

[@lornafriend3718]

Thank you so much for talking so honestly and openly about this. My sister is a narcissist along with my mother who also enables my sister. In the last year my sisters behaviour towards me has escalated to the extreme and I’ve had to go no contact because of how damaging she is. Her behaviour towards me started escalating more when I was diagnosed with Addisons 2 years ago because she knows that any stress can cause an adrenal crisis and kill me. I think that’s when I finally realised just how evil and nasty she is that she finally found the perfect weapon to damage me with. Even with going no contact, she still tries to attack me through my mother who can’t accept that I want no contact with my sister. It’s a horrendous situation to deal with and I totally feel your pain when you talk about your family. But we are better off without them in our lives because they just keep on doing more and more damage otherwise. I could say so much more but just wanted to say thank you for making this video as it makes me feel not quite so alone in dealing with all this. ❤

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thanks so much for your comment. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with something along the same lines. I'm also really glad you can see what is happening so you can take care of yourself. Distance is the only thing with some people. And sadly our families may not be the people we were born with. You are in good company here- definitely not alone. Wishing you well xxx

[@kaimart795]

Takes over every conversation, has to be the one who has to be heard, has to be the one to be seen making decisions, makes me feel guilty for having a boyfriend and contributed to the break up, even though I would have broken up with him because he was awful, and just makes me feel like I'm less than her at everything.

[@marenb7945]

My sister is three years younger and I'm in the middle of having to decide on whether to go no contact. I don't want to lose the relationship with the nieces and my own daughter would be heartbroken but the gaslighting is really bad. It's spilled over into the kids doing it although they have no idea they are. Glad to have found your channel. I relate to the feeling that if I'm not useful then I'm not wanted. Tired of the triangulation and my mother being the center of communication. I heard my sister's family has covid and when I asked how they were all doing I got a one word reply. Of course my mother invalidated it which left me with self doubt. But I realize I'm just getting breadcrumbs out of these relationships. Plus making suggestions whenever I go to family events asking about my mental health or inferring I'm nuts. Anyway I've been listening to your channel and I really like your backgrounds. They are very zen.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Hey Maren, thanks for your comment. I'm sorry to hear you are thinking you may need to cut out your sister. It is so hard when other family members are involved, but if it gets to the point of affecting your health and sanity, I'm sure you know you need to prioritize that to be there for your daughter. I also understand about wanting to protect her, so I guess one question is, whether she would be better off with exposure to your sister, and kids and the toll it takes on you. Or not. I like your analogy that you're just getting crumbs out of the relationships. They aren't sustaining at all. That speaks volumes. I think whether you cut her out or not, it's a good idea to think about not putting more energy into the relationship than you get out. Good luck and know you're not alone! (And thanks, I am glad you enjoy the videos and locations. :) )

[@jyotivyas9286]

Your Voice is So Soothing sister Dear😊👌💐👍love from bharat India❤

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you! All the best to you.

[@mindenteneyck977]

Thank you for this. I felt almost exactly the same way with my sister, when we were growing up. I still have a lot of confusion regarding what a healthy sibling relationship is.

[@mojojeinxs9960]

I haven't spoken to my evil sister in 10 yrs. Yet she is expert on my life. She called the facility where I worked and tried to get me fired. Called my landlord and tried to get me kicked out of my apartment!!! The women is hell bent on ruining my life. I have zero contact with her. When I broke up with my ex she found out and called him. It is insane. She makes things up and goes around calling and telling anyone that will listen this outlandish stuff about me that isn't true. Only going to stop after one of us die. Lucky for me she is 13 yrs older very over weight with a long list of health issues most of which are fake. She has a bit of Munchausen loves the attention. Will not shed any tears when she passes cruel to say but she made my childhood and teen yrs miserable.

[@thescapegoatclub]

oh wow... this sounds awful. I am so sorry. I hope you can get more distance as time goes on. You definitely don't need that toxicity in your life! Sending 💕💕

[@sharonbertsch4520]

I have the exact situation with my older sister.

[@margaretwebb389]

My older sister is hot and cold. Primarily cold. Tone of voice, interrupting, ( although she has projected that on me) not listening to what I have to say, yelling, the list goes on and on. Meant to mention scapegoating/blame shifting, taking credit for my ideas, defiling ideas I have about my own welfare. Has always been inherently jealous, not unlike my mother. Smear campaign has made me look like a fool!!!

[@mightyobserver12]

Protection order

[@leialoha70]

Thank you for this video! I have been unraveling myself from my sister’s recent abuse and feeling confused. You described my relationship to her perfectly. Recently she discarded me for 16 months, then for an unknown reason texted she wanted me back. The conversation to “reconcile” was horrific. Blame, gaslighting, and projection. She described me as if I was her! I was flabbergasted. I told her I wouldn’t participate in a manipulative conversation and hung up. What surprised me during the discard? After working through the pain I had more peace. I didn’t realize how much I deserved to be respected and how bad I felt accepting her treatment (when she was using me).

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I'm so sorry your sister has been such a difficult person in your life. I love that you have come to a place of more peace which is so powerful after having felt so bad for a long time because of another person. Wishing you all the best as you move onwards!

[@1970MPC]

My sister complained about my family visiting her, she told my parents 6-8 week notification was needed prior to a visit with her. Totally understand and will be a brother to anyone who needs an adopted sibling

[@thescapegoatclub]

oh wow.... she's royalty or something then??! we'll take you as a brother, 100%!

[@hilariecalijo4643]

My younger brother is a narcissist. Both of my parents hv recently passed and I have gone no contact with him. He was physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally abusive. Our mother manipulated me into constantly giving into him, he was always number one. When she died, I was done. I’m finally free, my husband is happier, my children are happier.

[@sixtysense]

My GC sibling did the most horrendous things to me. With a smile. She really thought I didn't see it, but I saw everything, and remember everything. I didn't say anything about it at the time, as I was so threatened by the wrath of the nrc FOO. Went NC 30 years ago and she harassed me for years after, but eventually gave up. Or so I hope. You can never be sure with these people. I have been stalked with false profiles and of course the smear campaign that will never end. Thank you so much for your helpful videos ❤

[@TheDallassite]

Oh my goodness, you just described my older sister. She would stay in her room and never talk to me and my twin sister. She would only to our mother and father. We were invisable. When we were in our 20's she talked my parents into having the family holidays at her and her husband home (she married into money). She slowly started chipping away at my brother, my twin and I. She started a rumor in the family that my brother's son was not his. He was newly married and in his 20's. He was devastated at the rumor and it caused him and wife so much trouble they finally devorced. He figured out that my evil sister started the rumor and went no contact with the family and moved to another state. He never married again.

[@thescapegoatclub]

My heart hurts when I hear stories like yours. I am sorry you and your brother went through this with your sister. I hope you are doing ok and have some safe distance from her. Wishing you well.

[@erickahaslam3357]

I was about 32 when I finally realized my sister was the “toxic” definition I would read about. I had been a social worker for 10 years and it must have been so close to home I didn’t realize it. Narcissism is a huge problem and it completely ruins relationships and families. I had to cut my sister off when her behavior started to affect my kids. Despite that, I still love her and worry about her. Sometimes I want to text her and let her know I love and care about her, but I know it’s not healthy for me or my family. It’s sad all around. I can’t imagine how it would be if she were my only sibling. I have 4 other siblings and we have all cut her off except for one brother. My heart goes out to you who don’t have siblings to commiserate with and validate each other. That has been a huge help for me. ❤️

[@thescapegoatclub]

Isn’t it crazy how we can be so blind to what is happening in our own families!?! I am so glad you have other siblings to support you. I often wished for more siblings, but I have good friends who I’ve adopted as my family instead. 💗

[@BonnieJean4578]

I always "looked after" and helped my sister, 12 years younger. She was always in a crises, created by her continuing bad decisions and intolerance. Now in my mid 70's, after figuring out what evil she has done to others, and to me, (although I denied it or was unaware of it at the time) I finally noticed how much she quilted and shamed me into doing what she thought I should do for her and her family. I can't believe she has duped me over 50 years. When I came here and finally figured her out, (there was no question in my mind, as she "jumped out off the page" to me) as she checked all the boxes and I could immediately think of several events that would back that up! I have gone nc. I am sure she will poison the rest of the family against me. That is who she is. Sorry about your sister, but at least you pieced it together when you did and can now get some peace. I feel sad. But the peace of finally letting go and realizing I was never going to "fix" her life is worth it. ❤‍🩹

[@LSMH528Hz]

Soo relatable, I know the hurtz, wish I could give you a hug.

[@barbarat5729]

Im so, so, very sorry she was your only sibling. I wanted to reach through and hug you. I am thanking God right now for having other siblings. I'll be your sister!

[@ruk3764]

I recognise so much of what your are saying in my own relationship with my sister. One year younger but was still the one in control of us for most of our lives, so subtly I never knew how she was estranging me from my own loved ones. Always running to people to get me in trouble as a child if something didn't go her way. Very good at controlling all family relationships and determined to be at the centre of them. Seen by everyone as social and fun. Constantly lies in many small ways and then point blank denies it and reinvents history. Gaslights. Divides and conquers. "Hey, let me tell you some secret gossip (filled with subtle lies) but promise you won't tell anyone." Thus people feel loyal to her and can never catch her in her lies. But very interestingly she also lies to "protect" her current fave person she is feeding off, which makes people not realise that she is also lying subtly to make you dislike whoever she has fallen out with. It is so complicated, and no one can see it because they don't live with her.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Yes. I get it 100%. What you say about the subtleties is so true. You have to be really close, and really attuned for a long time, to see what is really happening. I hope you can find a way to distance yourself and keep safe. You're in good company here 🙄

[@ruk3764]

@@thescapegoatclub Wishing you all the best too. It can be so draining, can't it? And so difficult when you love your family but she controls everyone to your detriment. Ah well, at least our eyes are open now and we can make better choices accordingly. So wonderful to meet people who can understand in the online space. Take care.

[@milliesimic6233]

Don't worry about who she is, who are you? Love is the ingredient that is missing in her relationship with you, don't let it be missing within you. ❤

[@jjg8605]

they stole everything i worked for over 20 years, they need to go to jail asap

[@jjg8605]

they are SATIN

[@thescapegoatclub]

sounds awful. wishing you all the best

[@mightyobserver12]

They're doing to my father

[@Sippamanicola]

I’m so thankful I discovered your channel today!

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you Catherine! Welcome to the club 💕

[@MB-sg8dx]

Im 62, and my 65 year old sister always calls me her “baby sister” when shes about to suppress or diminish me in some way…. Or wield some sort of control..

[@thescapegoatclub]

oooh yeah, that's a loaded way to start saying something. Ugh!

[@MB-sg8dx]

@@thescapegoatclub soooo maddening and galling🤦🏻‍♀️

[@carolineroosyoga2017]

This all rings very true for me and I am on the verge of no contact. This is the first video I have seen of yours but my sister was my mum’s golden child and I was the scapegoat. I have had a major awakening over the last few years and the more memories of her that come back to me she is full on narcissistic and I don’t know why I have clung on for so long 😢. When I got married and lived abroad for a couple of years close to my husband’s family, I loved being part of normal sibling relationships. My sister came to my wedding, lapped up my hospitality and then thoroughly enjoyed ribbing me and reducing me to tears at the dinner table in front of extended family on the Eve of my wedding

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh wow- I'm so sorry that happened the day before your wedding. I shouldn't be surprised, but again it just shows how some people are wired so wrong. It's like they aren't really human. Wishing you well with whatever comes next for you. It sounds like whatever you decide with your sister, at least you have your husband and his family to lean on. It's not a substitute, but it can help us see things more clearly and give us true support rather than the fake relationships some of us are born with.

[@rosemarythalrose7641]

Thank you. This is my story but have only realised this in the last few weeks. I'm in my mid fifties. I think this relationship determined the male relationships I had - I think I replaced her with them because the trauma of that fundamental relationship in my life was so familiar. Thank you for starting this group x

[@thescapegoatclub]

I'm sorry, but glad you found us. you are definitely not alone. sending support your way xxx💞💞

[@the_playfully_curious_artist]

Thank you so much letting me be a part in your pondering and wondering and asking. I understand your sharing your thoughts and feelings and interpretations because it is more about how a person makes you feel and what kind of behavior you observe than just offering a list of traits of a diagnosis. I struggle sometimes with a bone-dry list because I miss the feelings and sensations or questions or thoughts that are connected to them, since I suffer from dissociating amnesia. I need flesh to the bone, and you give me that. So thank you!! I found you when you talked about the estrangement of your family and I feel you. And with this video I feel you too - to the point that I also have no clue how a healthy relationship with siblings should look like. I just know that when people post soppy loving sister or mother posts on social media I feel like casting up my accounts. There’s nothing more rotten and disgusting than these sorts of praises. And thank you for your thoughts on the subject - I took notes of what resonated with me and my system.

[@Rafael_1965]

The sibling will NEVER EVER apologize...they only know how to bully others. Too much ego blinds them for ethics and morals... not saying they don't have positive traits.

[@Mandy_Fallngrow]

Thank you for making this video!! My sister and your sister sound so similar! Growing up my sister controlled all the games we played. She emotionally, mentally and physically abused me as children. In adulthood she tried to do some shady stuff around inheritance and I stood my ground. So she said she threw the Xmas gifts I dropped off in the garbage so I went no contact over a year now. And it’s heart breaking to have no contact with my nieces. But in 2 years one will be 18 so I’m hoping she can step out from under that narcissistic grip. As my niece has been growing my sister always wondered why my niece was like me when we live on opposite sides of Canada, I finally told my sister about 3 years ago that is was because we have the same abuser. It is hard and confusing when dealing with this kind of abuse from a sister, (my sister is my twin) we have had moments of closeness but that closeness happened because I walked on egg shells. But since I started recovery in ACA adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families (my parents don’t drink but super dysfunctional) I started learning to stand up for myself and set boundaries. Since then I’ve had nothing but problems with my family, probably because I don’t fill that family role anymore. But I do live in more peace having no contact.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this situation. It is heartbreaking when kids get caught in the fallout of the narcissist. I am so glad you are out of it though- peace after the abuse is the best gift.

[@PassionateFlower]

Successful married older sister used, abused, humiliated, and ostrasized me growing up and also continued with the bullying, put downs, verbal and physical harassment, and sexual molestation after we both became adults. She has made it clear she has no remorse and thinks I need to grow up and let go of the past and now she is judgemental towards me because I have severe PTSD and mental illness and struggle to hold down a job, struggle with financial stability, developed an eating disorder, am homeless, struggle to maintain friendships, and struggle to find a steady relationship. Thank you God bless wishing everyone healing and recovery 🙏 🌸

[@findingdori442]

I have a twin sister & I’ve finally woke up to what she does to me. It hurts yet, I’m no contact for two weeks & I will continue. I will not be gaslighted by her so she can run to our parents as, “the good twin.”

[@thescapegoatclub]

Stay true to yourself! The triangulation between our toxic siblings and parents can be so awful. I’m glad you can see the truth now. I wish you all the best 💕💕

[@findingdori442]

@@thescapegoatclub Thank you so much 💛

[@shayj3373]

You are truly not alone... Seriously wish we could be neighbors.... Greatly appreciate your taking the time to be here in this space and share... TY... 💕💕

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you for being here. 💚💚

[@lovedbymyfatherwhoisinheav8485]

I just recently, over the last week found out that a narcisssistic sister and and all that it entails when you grow up is the thing that I've been dealing with my whole life (I'm 59), and I'm so thankful to find so many resources so thank you for this wonderful video. I'm actually finding this with my daughter and her two daughters. It's triggering me a lot and I can see it clearly, and I can see favoratism and I feel so bad for my younger granddaughter, but I get in trouble with my daughter whenever I bring it up.

[@millacolic]

So happy I ran across your video. It is so relatable. I have to rack my brain to remember when the narcissistic relationship with my 2-year older sister began. I remember when I was in the second grade and voted to be an excellent student, I got so embarrassed, my heart was pounding and I couldn’t speak. The feeling I had at that moment I will never forget. While I was honored, all I could think was the principal is making a mistake. That honor should go to my sister because she is the one that deserves it. I was petrified thinking that once they find out who is the person that really deserves the honors then I would be so ashamed and embarrassed. I never stopped feeling that shame and embarrassment for the rest of my life. I never stopped feeling inferior to my sister no matter how good I may have been, I was never as good as she was. That cloud of sadness never left me. The sad thing is that I could never connect this sadness directly to my sister’s behavior. From a very young age she was very charismatic and people flocked to her. She was older and wiser and many people were confirming that all along. Our mom adored her and my sister could never do anything wrong. And if there was anyone that was constantly in the wrong despite that I was an excellent student, it was always me. Even now as I’m writing this, I feel so sad and am having a hard time believing that my sister could possibly be a narcissist even though she belittles me every chance she gets and I pretend that she really doesn’t mean that. It’s just the way she is. This video has given me a lot think about. I have already listened to it several times. Hopefully eventually it will all sink in.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Hi Milla, thank you for sharing your experience in your comment. I can relate to a lot of things you said. That embarrassment and shame around being recognized and complimented sounds very familiar. Even now, I tend to dissociate when this happens- I somehow come away from myself in the situation as it’s so uncomfortable and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s like my brain says this can’t be happening to me, there must be a mistake as as I don’t deserve it, therefore it never sinks in. I hope that you will start to see that you do deserve praise and compliments. People who constantly belittle us does not have our best interests at heart. We all deserve love and support, especially from our families. However, some can’t give us that. But that is no reflection on us and our worth. Take care, and be kind to yourself. It is a lot to work through. 💗💗

[@Slickhubert]

You have literally described my brother. I am in the same search for answers as you.

[@ShelleyPorter-g3y]

OMG. I can relate ~ my older sister by 2 years decided that (in our forties), she exclaimed she found "the sister she never had!" A recent widow that she tried to include (and did in family events). Auntie Pam my kids jokingly referred to ~ that relationship didn't last much past 3 years. Just one of thousands of things!

[@thescapegoatclub]

Ouch, that sounds awful! Oh boy, that’s such a cringy thing to say, very narcissistic.

[@ShelleyPorter-g3y]

@@thescapegoatclub Thank you for saying that. I still don't always see what her actions and words use to mean. I can't imagine ever going back to that.

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@ShelleyPorter-g3y for what it's worth, I don't understand a lot of what some of my difficult family do or say.... maybe that's a good thing. shows we operate on whole different level. either way, 100% agree, not going back is really what matters. Take care!

[@ericnorthman9410]

My brothers kids call all adults in the family including me , their mother and father by our first names. I think the mother wants to be seen as a friend. They screamed at me for no reason and called me - their aunt an old b...h with no reprecussions. My sisters kids are the same way. Terrible kids. Now they want to be in my will. They are only interested in you occassionally if they think they are getting something. I tried to be an aunt to them but the disrespect was way too much. Both brother and sister only "know" what my mother told them - and she never knew anything about me except what she made up. Its a wash. All acted like they know me to everyone else - when they know NOTHING about me. I am the scapegoat...

[@CelticVampireQueen]

My little sister has this scary fantasy where she thinks I'm a narcissist and she keeps going no contact. She says I care more about my friends than I do about her but that's not true. She also says I act like a toddler when I try my very best to act mature and nice to people, even if I am scared of everyone and everything that can possibly put me in danger.

[@thescapegoatclub]

This sounds very confusing. I hope you are able to keep solid in knowing what you are doing, and don't let other people's inconsistency throw you off. Also, please stay safe.

[@minigingerbunnies]

I know this is an old video this is how my sister treats me when she's in a relationship with a man and when she's mad at him and don't want nothing to do with him she comes around then when she wants to be back with him she doesn't come around and hang out with me does it message me only when she mad at him she has blocked me twice already I don't know how to deal with it's either not talk to her are let her do her own thing and where she wants to talk to me again then block me again I can't keep playing these games it's like immature behavior thank you for making this video

[@alisonlammot4014]

I started sobbing when you said you had to google a good sister relationship and listed the traits. It is what we hope for but never get consistently.. I feel like you and I could be good sisters....we need to find each other! I would love to get to know you....

[@thescapegoatclub]

I’m so sorry this resonated with you so much. It’s a horrible realization when we finally face the ugly truth about our family. I hope you are doing ok!

[@leahhibbin7532]

Thank you for sharing your experiences of cutting off from a toxic and abusive family system. More than that, for letting your authentic feelings and your beautiful, vulnerable heart shine through. 🙏🌻 Your sharings and advice for those of us also on the same path are invaluable and make me feel so much less alone. I feel heard and held…..so much of your experience resonated with me, except that I am the oldest with 2 sisters with extreme narcissistic tendencies - just like both my parents - Surrounded on all sides! 😱 I was in no contact with my entire family for more than a year, up until and including the death of my father (thank you so much for your video about the death of a parent when you are in no contact - btw - I can’t tell you how much this was salve to my soul - again thank you 🙏. To continue my story, I let my youngest sister in again by email because she also had a very difficult relationship with my violently abusive father and said that she didn’t want to lose a sister as well as a father. I relented for a hot 5 minutes - BIG MISTAKE - Please listen when experts like Dr Ramani tell you that it’s not worth explaining yourself to a narcissist and why the best approach is literally to get the hell away from these toxic people. The attacks that followed where full of invalidation and gaslighting, including her weaponizing a sexual attack that happened to me about 2 years ago and for which a police report had been filed for the only reason that I felt it was my duty was to protect other women. My sister told me that my claims were in dispute and that I had made the whole thing up, despite the fact that she herself has had to deal with Gender based violence and sexual assault. In my case there were witnesses prepared to testify…but then Covid came and I dropped the case after 2 years because I had finally put the horrific event behind me and didn’t want to relive it all over again as it was a truly horrific and devaluing experience. I made sure that I obtained the written assurances from the police that my complaint would remain on record to protect other women in the event that the same complaint was brought by another woman. When a woman can weaponize a sexual assault against the victim, when she herself has experienced the same thing…..There are no words….especially when she can post a “ME TOO” post on Facebook, eloquently detailing her abuse at the hands of a local hotel manager. I considered her to be the safest member of my family. When you have family like that the best thing you can do is walk away and save yourself! Blessings and peace to all of us on this journey of recovering ourselves and our sanity! Kudos to us! The scapegoats and the black sheep for surviving in the face of a toxic and destructive family system, with our compassion and humanity intact! Let’s keep supporting each other and sharing our stories of hope and resilience, of heartbreak and grief, of life and liberation. VIVA!

[@thescapegoatclub]

Hi Leah, thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your sad story. It makes me so sad to hear what you’ve been through. To have no support in your family, ‘surrounded on all sides’ that resonates so much. But to hear that your sister tried to gaslight your assault is terrible. Honestly, there are no words to describe how inappropriate and toxic that is. I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that experience in the first place, but then to have to suffer her devaluation. Awful. Thank you for sharing and for being here. As you say, we need to look after each other when our families turn out to be the enemy. I really hope you are doing ok. Sending peace and support to you. 😍❤️‍🩹

[@etaokha4164]

I don't call her my sister because you don't hurt your own. So I see them as my relatives. There's a huge gap between us and there have never been any forms of communication between us and we never grew up playing together and I grew up calling her auntie because she was way older than me

[@thescapegoatclub]

this sounds sad. but I really relate to what you're saying. I hope you're doing ok now. You're in good company here ❤‍🩹

[@jodi3068]

It took me years to realize that my narc sister was jealous of my good grades, my hair, my teeth, my skin, and the fact that I was likeable. She was quite homely and very unlikeable. I told her that abd SHE HAD NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE SHE KNEW IT WAS TRUE. Then I never spoke to her again. And that's a big relief.

[@codrake784]

Thank you for the video. I can certainly sympathize and understand with you. Being married to my wonderful spouse for several years who came from a close-nit family, it certainly great to have lovely BIL's & SIL's.

[@thescapegoatclub]

That helps so much! Great to see what family really means.

[@purringsounds]

I can relate to you very much. It's so destructive, and without you realize what's going on, before much later in life. I don't know what to do with my sister as she is toxic too, blaming, abusive, take no responsibility, etc. Somehow I wan't to tell her what's going on, make her realize that she is destroying people around her, making her see her upbringing in a brighter light, so to speech, make her see the family dynamic which out dad, and somehow our mom too, have embarked. I have seen that even full blown narcissists or aspd's on videos have come to realize what they have been doing and have stopped - like exiting "the matrix". For some reason I have come to seen through it by reading and watching videos, seeing that I'm the scapegoat and have carried that into my life. Anyway, thanks for sharing, my english is not perfect. God bless.

[@eliza-qn8gj]

It has taken me 50 years to accept that my sister is an abusive narcissist ~ having treated me similar to yours, we are 18 months apart ~ I recently decided to go no contact when I was not allowed to administer pain medication without her supervision to our mother who is in home hospice in her home where my sister has moved in and claimed it, it was made clear I was not welcome there. It was hard but the relief is feeling so good 💚✨🙌🏻

[@thescapegoatclub]

oh, what a heartbreaking situation. I am so sorry. I hope you're doing ok.

[@oldcrone]

Yes! I feel I am being used like a puppet. Now that her husband passed she is always here! She ruined my Thanksgiving now she wants to ruin Christmas. I would rather be alone than spend time with her.

[@RogerAKean]

(My husbands photo, not mine!). There is so much I could share on my experience re a narc sister. My 3 sisters were my best friends until after 50 years, when my folks were in their 90s. Then all hell broke loose and the devil was free to destroy everything about me, rip my Dad’s heart into a million pieces, turn my other sibs against me, and as a lawyer, take my parents’ home. Then she and her monkeys took all the belongings leaving me nothing but their character assassination of me. All lies! And I was the one who was always there for everyone! I will never recover from those final years of dizzying, head spinning, horror! It was a nightmare that I can’t shake free from. If only I had known about the evil behind the masks! If only I had been aware of the methods and tactics of NPD, I certainly would have done things differently. No ONE UNDERSTANDS THE HEARTACHE, ANGER, DISMANTLING AND LOSS OF SELF; OF JOY, OF TRUST, OF LOVE, UNLESS THEY’VE GONE THROUGH THIS! I just can’t seem to move forward. And that too is confounding. I understood the beauty of sisterhood…until they chose to destroy it.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I am so sorry to her the pain in your story. I can relate so much. It is true betrayal, and there is something so horrifying in seeing the callousness of people who were supposed to be family. I know words can only go so far, but I hope you can take some comfort in knowing it is not you. It is your sister and her illness. You trusted and loved, and that is a wonderful thing, even though it means that you were hurt. I also believe that with time and patience and love for yourself, things will get better. They did for me. I don’t think I’ll ever ‘get over it’ but I have- mostly- moved on. And most importantly I have enough distance from my sister to be safe. I hope you do too ♥️♥️♥️

[@Realtor365]

Thank you!! This has very much helped me understand my narcissistic sister-in-law (Who is enmeshed with she and my husbands parents). Understanding it is half the battle for us! 🤗

[@thescapegoatclub]

So glad you know what you are dealing with now. 100%- once we know we can start to strategise and defend where we need to. Wishing you the best with this. 💟

[@barbaraziat2648]

I am going through the same process, she is 9 years older than me and I feel all the time she puts me in a competition that I don’t want, put me down, try to control me, forces her lifestyle on me and I see she treats other people so terrible, mean and rude. I am so tired of her. She behaves like she is the best , so superior.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you can get some space and realise that she has no reason to put you down, and it's not ok. Wishing you all the best.

[@barbaraziat2648]

Thank you so much. It is better to let things go than have a false hope. I hope you are also doing well.

[@hfrt29]

So I'm halfway into this video and everything you've said so far, is my story. And the best part that you said was why is that That's what drew me to videos to find out why. At least I'm not alone

[@thescapegoatclub]

You are definitely not alone here. Welcome. I'm so glad you are finding the vid helpful- though sad that you identify with so much. Narcissistic siblings are so painful, disappointing, heartbreaking, anger-provoking. And what a waste of what could be such a special relationship. But better to know, I think, than spend more years wasting time on someone who has zero interest in a loving relationship.

[@m.e.9407]

Holy ... that is my lige you are describing! 😢 It really is so sad.

[@thescapegoatclub]

sorry to hear that this resonates with you :(

[@Cuiositycola]

I When you spoke about your childhood I could totally relate. Also I'm 2 years younger and I can't recall being with her at school, except while waiting for our parents picking us up. The only time she would do things with me was wen we went on holiday with our family and there wasn't anyone else to play/do things with. I was always ki of jealous to see sisters who got on well. Now I am lucky to have friends who are like sisters to me. I have come to terms with the fact that my actual sister would never be a close friend. Although we share deep emotional moments such as the passing of our parents. She's probably not the worse compared to others, but she's incredibly antagonistic and belittlering. We can't be in the same place for more than a couple of days without fighting. It's horrendous. She has to be right all the time. Once she wanted me to tell my doctors, who were top specialists in the field, that they had misdiagnosed me, after several exams and other doctors confirmation of the same diagnosis. And no, she's not a doctor or a nurse. I said she could tell them what she thought herself. She didn't. I'm glad she never had kids. Really glad. (Btw, our mum was clearly a covert narcisist and would protect her at all costs. She made no secrets that my sister was the golden daughter). I'm just very sick and tired of her right now.

[@thescapegoatclub]

oh wow- our sisters sound so similar. I couldn't help but cringe over the doctor story. ouch!

[@arenee118]

I totally relate. Big hugs.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you so much. And back to you.

[@demonnasty4122]

what is it with narrcissitic sisters and when they get bf or a husband, they drop you like garbage?? they act all aloof and arrogant as if with contempt. like good job u got a husband or bf, but why treat me bad ?? like the fik i do??

[@thescapegoatclub]

That's jealousy in action. You keep doing you!

[@phoenixclairsentientempath2119]

I feel what you feel because I also experience the same.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I'm sorry

[@randomisland2872]

Hello 😊👍 we are sisters because we've gone thru the same.

[@thescapegoatclub]

You too, hey? I’m sorry to hear it, but you’re in good company. Hope you’re doing ok.

[@randomisland2872]

@@thescapegoatclub ❤️ (I'll be talking to you❤️)

[@mygoodlife204]

me too!

[@randomisland2872]

@@mygoodlife204 Hi Shareen😊

[@minecraftlord353]

mine was a covert narcissist just us 2 together she would put me down and make it seem like a joke, or i would tell her stuff like things which make me look smart, then in public she would tell people so she would seem the best and i would say i said that and then she says no you didn’t and gaslight me, i never really realised until i moved out from her, im really glad i did

[@thescapegoatclub]

Covert narcs are so hard to spot when we're close to them. So glad you are out of it now!

[@thedreamcapsule]

sending my heart to you from Arizona :)

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you so much! Sending positive vibes back to you ♥️♥️

[@Havenforhealing]

My narcissism test or at least if they are toxic is two rules. Do they overstep boundaries? Do they never apologize? Yes on both counts, they are out of my life.

[@traceytansley1659]

Went no contact with mine 18 years ago.

[@janeandclementine]

22 years for me. I got a very small TRANQUILITY tattoo (in a hidden spot) to represent how I felt immediately after making the decision to go no contact.

[@paxtonlux6698]

Hello. Fellow scapegoat here. Have a lovely day :)

[@thescapegoatclub]

And to you! Welcome to the club ☺

[@m_christine1070]

Me too. Sorry. Anyone who can get out, should.

[@sparksoflife101]

Same

[@steviep9780]

10:00 'It should be a bond. Ultimately, a sibling should be someone where it comes down to where you can say "Hey, I need your help. Can you be there?" And I can categorically say that my sister has never, ever been there for me in that capacity.' I'm sorry, luv. I need a kidney. I am an identical twin. My sister doesn't CARE, so I can't even ask for a kidney. It shouldn't require a kidney before a sister should care. Love to you, sister.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I'm so sorry. Wishing you all the best.

[@ere4449]

My scapegoat sister growing up is a narcissist. I was the Invisible Child, scapegoat sometimes. So when people mostly say the family Gold Child turns into a narcissist. That wasn't the case in my family. My oldest sister was the golden child and she acted like she has amnesia about our childhood, probably because she was treated differently, but she didn't seem narcissistic. My second oldest sister was the main scapegoat growing up and she's narcissistic as hell. Right now she's playing the silent treatment game with me for the past almost 2 months for god knows what I did. It's sad because she is on the good sister list and the horrible sister list which I think makes it even worse. I'm in the process of working on not caring when she gives me the silent treatment

[@thescapegoatclub]

This sounds so hard. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so sad how any child has the risk of following in a narcissistic parent’s footsteps. Though sometimes it seems like little consolation, I am so grateful for not going that way. I’m sure, with time, you will see that being given the silent treatment is about them, and not you. Hang in there 💓

[@Gift820]

Sunday 28th oh July : I decided to walk away from narcissistic sister and mother who put my brothers against me. I decided TODAY after 1 year of thinking about leaving the family to walk away! I’m proud of myself I feel less heavy, I feel anxious, I feel afraid about what they will say to others people but I can’t risk my life for it, during all my childhood my older sister was bullying me. My mom never took my side I always had to apologise for things I didn’t did… obviously I’m a human who do mistakes i take accountability about all the moments she was putting me down and as she is the « oldest » she was expecting a sort of respect but one day I Said : NO! Anyway she put all the family against me. I’m going trough therapy so I’m happy that I’m understanding better that my family is a toxic family for my personal growth. And it’s sad.. So sad..

[@thescapegoatclub]

I wish you all the best to do what you need to do, to look after your well-being. We all deserve a life where we aren’t anxious, fearful, bullied or put down by the people who are supposed to be closest to us. Yes, it’s sad to leave, but also can lead to so much better. Stay strong for what you need to do!

[@Gift820]

@@thescapegoatclub Thank you so much for your reply you can’t even imagine how much it means for me🫂 I’m only 26, after all therapy that I need to do I want to allow myself to study psychology too was always my wish. I can’t listen the voices of my sister inside me that’s says: your are too sensitive to become therapist… she always put me down and unfortunately I allowed it but now I’ll try my best. Work on myself and do something that makes sense for me it always made sense since I was 10yo… Chess I wanna allow myself to live a life that a choose not live behind the life they wanted me to be in just because they are not happy with their choices.

[@sparksoflife101]

2 min in and this is my brother still like this now

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh, no..... I feel for you 😟

[@MS-yb3sz]

This is so helpful. Thank you.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Glad it was useful for you ❤️❤️

[@Michelle-hf5jk]

My younger sister is incredibly malicious. I am in my 20s and have given up on a relationship with her. the harm she causes is so abusive.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I'm sorry to hear this. It's so hard to have a sibling who is intent on causing pain in others. Take care of yourself.

[@michellewei7349]

Only when I was useful to my sister would she have anything to do with me. IN school.. she was closer to my brother (2 years older than me). She is 4 yrs younger than me. They enjoy small town drinking and drugs. I don't like that at all.. hence I am the "weird" one. She called me out of the blue when my brother took his life. She said "all we have is each other now". I said to her " you were never there for me. I tried and tried. Why now? Your friends are closer to you than me.. the one who tried but you ignored". Moving forward from that.. she has her "friends" watching out for me! I'm the bad guy. She had kids early. I always jumped to help! But.. when she had her first.. she refused to allow me to see him! It was months until I saw him. I stupidly gave her the oodles of pictures I had of him over his first few years. I am lucky.. when my brother died.. my father wanted us two girls to "have the house". I said to my sister "you can have it". I KNEW my father owed so much on the house. Had little to nothing to offer. I didn't want to be involved in that mess! Glad I didn't. I am married to my husband soon to be 20 years. She is on her third marriage. Drugs and drinking still on the table. I could go on and on. My brother... lovely! LOVED him! She, my sister, doesn't believe that I had ANY kind of "relationship" with him. I miss him so much! He always understood me! I always understood him! I could fall on him. Him on me.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I’m so sorry for everything you have been through. Losing your brother sounds so hard. And your sister sounds awful. Sending 💓💓

[@EH-ww8pi]

Sounds very familiar but my sister is almost 5 years younger. She feels superior to almost everyone and interacts only with me if I can be of use to her. She’s manipulated my parents all her life and they are completely on her side

[@xenatron9056]

My older sister holds the mask of superiority.. in age, in wisdom, in taste, in ability, she does it well but put in one little chip of imperfection and she melts down into a vindictive mess. No contact. She has love bombed me for twenty years and every time it ends the same. Even travelling for 12 hours to visit and before the first night is over she has put me in a completely gaslit state and me with my head on the pillow wondering how I was going to get through 7 days before I can leave and crying for knowing just what I was in for. I understand why she is so fucked up and I thought that I could keep overlooking her shitty behaviour but last time was it for me. She made a mess of me, and of course.... in her town.... I just look crazy. The worst thing is that they would prefer you to look bad... at any cost, in the deluded thought that people would esteem them.

[@oldcrone]

My sister came over for Thanksgiving and it was so nerve-racking. She mutters under her breath and had an attitude the whole time. I no longer want any visirs. They are not happy. I wish she would leave me alone. I need to keep my distance.

[@henriettehofsink8003]

Wow my story. You are speaking my story

[@thescapegoatclub]

you too? I'm sorry. 💓

[@Sydismeatheart23]

I wish I go no contact with my sister, but we live same household. I trying to figure a plan to leave. To save money and move somewhere else. I just want stop feeling upset about everything, she does.

[@yeshalloween]

I have a sister 7 years younger who has always gone out of her way to try to talk shit about me. All my life. Every chance she gets. I don’t understand and of course it hurts so much. I’ve never felt like she’s rooting for me or that she loves me or cares about me. Instead, I feel like she’s always secretly hoped to see me crash and burn. I have no family I have a mother who ignores me completely, she stonewalls with the best of them including stonewalling my 4 children who are absolutely innocent. I have a brother who used to physically abuse me, even when I was an adult. He’d throw me to the ground, he broke my arm, he’s called me every name. I think it comes from our childhoods where they both witnessed my father constantly berate me, call me names, and hit me while my mom stood in silence. I have no family.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I am so sorry you have gone through this. I’m not sure where are in your life now, but I hope you can take comfort knowing that by distancing ourselves from those in our life who can’t support us, we gain so much. Even being alone is better than being mistreated, although the pain of betrayal is so hard. You are amongst friends here. Take care ♥️♥️

[@m_christine1070]

My sister is an attorney for the federal government. Two years ago she outright tricked me out of my life savings, 80$ thousand dollars and threatened my pets if I went to the police. She scoffed and said that no one would believe me. She is pure evil and I discovered, or allowed myself to become consciously aware of her evilness, too late. And I'm trapped.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I’m sorry. I hope you can find a way to be safe. ❤️

[@m_christine1070]

@@thescapegoatclub thank you! ❤️

[@luluah1198]

@@m_christine1070 no harm In speaking to a lawyer especially if you are at a financial low and really need it too. Why sit back and suffer if you don’t have to? But don’t speak to her at all do it all through the lawyers

[@m_christine1070]

@@luluah1198 thank you

[@johncorson6599]

Oy vey .. sounds like that Rebecca zung attorney who has a narcissism channel would be the type of help you could use .. my ex wife stole at least $240k BEFORE her attorney tried to destroy me .. didn’t even know it till after it was over .. one thing I did get was a free conscience and gratitude I didn’t learn 10 years later while still married that she was a total thief and a killer of beloved pets to inflict pain on others just for fun to watch them suffer

[@meralyspena4248]

That's my physical narcissistic sister who has a baby and has bad temper and keeps getting rewarded for hurting others

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh no, I’m sorry 😞

[@autisticautumn7379]

I got the blame for everything .My sister begruded me everything I have had to ask her for support she threw it back in my face I have disabilities.She told me I was trying to manipulate her into doing things for me.She wouldn't even come to my flat as it wasn't good enough I've always been classed as the bad one sge never ever acknowledged that I was being emotionally tortured by my mother Its ruined my life.

[@OneofMany-yt5sl]

Mine decided about 8 years ago that my domestic partner was bad and I needed to kick him out of my life. She had tolerated him for ten years prior, but around the time she lost her lover to cancer, that's when she started ramping up the dislike of my partner. I already had her figured out by that time and I knew what narcissism was... still, it hurt me when she refused to have him around and would not take part in any activities in which he would be taking part. She refused to come over our house so I came over to hers and that is the only times I saw her. I knew it was not due to any terrible thing my partner did, but it was her envy and jealousy. About two years ago her mental health deteriorated further due to some sort of anxiety or dementia, I am not sure, and her dislike of him turned to full blown hatred. Her narcissistic traits then went through the roof and she became more and more angry and resentful of me. She is now in assisted living and I am relieved that she is getting the care she needs. FYI: I am lucky to have one other sibling who does not act ANYTHING like her.

[@karenwalsh7014]

Do you ever blame your parents for how they created the tension or strain between you and your sister? I get angry with my parents when I think about the person they created in my sister. They made her entitled, arrogant and superior in every way ( she thinks ). It has been hard for me to even talk to her over the years. I've tried every which way to be friends with my sister but nothing seems to work because she still views me as a dumb little two year old or something. As a parent myself, I know it isn't easy to promote sibling love and friendship but damn. I think alot of parents coudl try a little harder.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Hi Karen, your anger towards your parents makes so much sense and I agree that so much bad behaviour in families could and should be addressed by parents. My situation is no different, if my parents could have given my sister boundaries then so much could have been avoided. Nobody ever stands up to her so she just rules her own little kingdom, including our whole family (except me, because I’m now out of it). Do I blame my parents? To a point, yes. But at some stage, in my opinion, a person’s humanity needs to kick in, bad parenting or not, to stop malicious behaviour. My sister has no off switch. Is that my parents’ fault? I’m not sure… nature or nurture?

[@Bcke14304]

@@thescapegoatclub "her own little kingdom" - this phrase resonates with me. As I've processed with my counselor over the years about my older sister's strong personality and controlling ways, we've come to coin her as "Queen scepter." (you only gain access and acceptance if she extends her scepter). Although it's not a nice phrase per se, it is a comfort in times when she tries to wield her power. Most recently, she has convinced our parents to make her the executor on their will (even though my parents had previously asked me to do so). They listened to her and asked me if they could make the switch! I so do not look forward to when the estate needs to be dealt with some day - regardless of who is executor.

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@Bcke14304 it sounds like a very fitting name to me. Ugh, yeah, the whole parental will thing is a huge can of worms. I’m assuming I’m completely out of anything, but anticipate it will be miserable experience. I’ll have my counsellor on speed dial for when that comes around….

[@age93]

I very much relate with your comment. My older sister has so much contempt and hatred towards me due to our mothers favouritism. Thing is, im favoured because I’m the “screwed up” kid who she had to do so much to take care of. Munchausen By Proxy with my mental health sort of deal. Mother fucking Theresa, I tell you. As far as I can tell, both of them are covert altruistic narcissists.

[@dylannaenzo9737]

Consider they may be vaccine injured.... but not diagnosed as such. I don't think your parents did it intentionally and I think it is possible they had nothing to do with it... she may have been born that way or soon after a vax or two they simply go backward into childhood because they no longer understand why they can't keep up with others... they must belittle others because they feel so small. I am the third daughter of 3 children, and both my older sibling sisters never treated me with any respect.... they faked it when they had to but otherwise, never a real friend to me... quite the opposite.. they were not happy when I was happy. That's when I figured out it was best to escape the hell and find my peace. We send email birthday and Christmas cards to each other, but have not spoken since my oldest sister died in 2021. Second sister flew from Seattle to Texas for the funeral, (I would not consider going to Texas because of Covid restrictions)... Narc sister went to funeral and never called me or emailed me that she and her daughter and grandson went. Her husband of 30 years divorced her and he's worse than she is. Timeclock for no verbal contact is at 2 years and 2 months and counting. I have not seen her in person since 2020. She's in Seattle and I am in Portland Oregon. Seems like oceans apart, and that's just fine with me. I just want to be happy and my narc sister does not want that. And that's not the worse thing she did to me.

[@Witchmee]

My parents aren't narcissists but I think my sister probably is? She wasn't what I'd call their golden child but she definitely wasn't punished the way I was, no matter what she did. They always make excuses for her, "oh that's just how young people are". They never talk to her about her behavior... She never got in trouble.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh, that’s worrying. Not addressing bad behaviour just sends the message that rules don’t apply and they can do whatever they want…. A great way to create someone with no thought for others. Sounds tough. 😔

[@markcahill2653]

Hi there my situation is identical and sadly the only way is 0 contact if possible X

[@thescapegoatclub]

sorry to hear it, but yes, I agree with you. 😒

[@loriosterweil982]

My brother is my only sibling. He’s a narcissist and I recently cut myself off from him.

[@thescapegoatclub]

It really is awful having a narcissistic sibling. I hope you are doing ok and your decision feels right.

[@loriosterweil982]

@@thescapegoatclub My decision feels right. It’s just so difficult.

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@loriosterweil982 I hear you on that. Wishing you well.

[@loriosterweil982]

@@thescapegoatclub Thanks.

[@Sharonb777]

My sister is younger always the conversationalist with meeting new people in a very upfront way. Sweet but very this is how i see it . One night i got uovthe courage to face her head on with the way she speaks to her children about me in gaslighting me and degrading my self worth to thr point of downright personal insults she feels her kids should agree with and pass it off as harmless. So I said I dont like the views you take about me then convince your kids my niece and nephew . She lost her nut! And turned it around to ask so tell me how do you see yourself! ..i just walked away. I felt i was dealing with an unstable person. A week later told her i appologized for bringing it up. She said tell me how you feel. So i did.. i cant even tell you who that person was . The anger the lies the twisted stories and past pain from her i was to blame for everything!

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh no, I’m so sorry. Yes, one thing narcissists hate above all else is being truthfully called out on their bad behaviour. I hope you’re doing ok. Even though it’s awful to see it, I think it’s better and safer for us to know what we’re really dealing with.

[@flowersofthefield340]

They make good police officers 😂

[@TheBeliever1204]

Entire Narisistic family

[@jeffs.7412]

All 3 of my sisters are narcissist..

[@LadyBugPicnic12]

My sister is like this, but she can’t hold down a steady partner and I have. She hates me, but wants access to my children. She is the worst thing that ever happened to me and I’m supposed to let this bull (her) into the china shop (my untarnished new family).

[@thescapegoatclub]

ugh, I'm sorry to hear it. I am glad you can see the dynamic for what it is though. that's a good first step. And, because I'm going to be a therapist, I have a mini challenge for you, if you choose to accept it! you're 'supposed to' let her in? where does that come from? who is saying you are supposed to? maybe the voices who say that aren't ones that count.....

[@tradslnd9872]

Hey, so sorry for your experience, I know exactly how you feel because It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realised my twin is a narcissist. It happened after she befriended a person after they sexually assaulted me and blamed me for the attack. When I confronted her in front of my family, she word saladed everyone then turned my siblings against me one by one. This was in my lowest moment and during the pandemic, in the same house. I started remembering moments when I needed her help or asked her for a favour and I don't remember 1 time when she willingly helped me. She's left me in the middle of nowhere at night to pick up furniture, she left me in the cold whilst I begged her to call a cab because my phone weren't working, she's let me embarrass myself in front of new company, befriended all my love interests exes, flirted with all my love interests and I ONLY literally woke up when she supported my attempted rapist in 2020. Typing this feels so unbelievable but it's what's happened and I've been in a consistent shock since her covert evil turned overt and no one became my ally. I wish I wa sa bad person so that there was justification for this but I used to sacrifice so much for my strange siblings. Like you I cant put a finger to who she is and it creeps me out so much that I start to feel sorry for her, its confusing because she's lost but she relishes in being/doing evil. I know if she was normal, life would be bliss. I wish with your story we can talk and find solace in one another's stories but I also know we all have trust issues because of these people.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh no, I'm so sorry.... ❤‍🩹

[@elizabethdavis1974]

Im struggling with understanding why im the only sibling she did this to? I said did because I have walked away

[@thescapegoatclub]

It's hard, but we all have different roles with narcissists. If/when people are of use to them, they treat them differently. I think it's the ones they can't control or who see through them that get treated badly or discarded. Glad you are keeping yourself safe, even when it's hard. Take care and stay strong and true to yourself 💟

[@sparksoflife101]

Only helps if it makes them feel good

[@thescapegoatclub]

Yup 😔

[@touchdown15nichols72]

Since your sister is older (2 years) it seems like she has jealousy issues. The way the parents handled it might be part of the problem. I'm two years older than my brother. I remember being so mean to my little brother. I feel so guilty today. ( We are both in our 70's today) My brother says jokingly today that me being mean to him toughened him up. Gee.

[@purringsounds]

Off topic I know. But just want to say that I wish the voice volume was higher.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Good point- and yes, I know the volume isn't the best in this one. If you check out one of my latest videos, let me know if it's better? I think I finally figured out a good microphone!

[@katyaini1111]

Spot on… but your volume is a bit in audible.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you! And, thanks, yes, the sound isn't so good in that one. I have recently upped my microphone game, so hopefully that will help. :)

[@joeybez5464]

simular with my sis and i had to cutt off all my family even my kids i would say if everybody is against you its not them its you but the end of times has everybody turning nsrcic and its hard to not think i`ts me i kind of wish it was me so i could say sorry and fix things but its not i research covid side effects and brain behavior parasites as well as radiation from our sun going wild now and it seems like its religious in the making i even was able to verify that but its a long story well wish me luck for x mas thanks giving and b day was ok so we will see being by myself

[@ritaapostolou7335]

❤