Is this your real personality? 5 Childhood Trauma Personalities

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Chapters: 0:00 Intro 4:50 Personality #1 - The Doer (Gotta Do Something!) 7:48 Personality #1 - The Doer (Gotta Do Something!) - How It's Formed in Childhood Trauma 8:47 Personality #1 - The Doer (Gotta Do Something!) - How They Struggle in Intimacy 9:28 Personality #1 - The Doer (Gotta Do Something!) - Isn't This Just Who I Am? 10:06 Personality #1 - The Doer (Gotta Do Something!) - How to Become More Real 11:33 Personality #2 - The Hostile (Hey, Listen to Me!) 14:36 Personality #2 - The Hostile (Hey, Listen to Me!) - How It's Formed in Childhood Trauma 16:33 Personality #2 - The Hostile (Hey, Listen to Me!) - How They Struggle in Intimacy 17:23 Personality #2 - The Hostile (Hey, Listen to Me!) - Isn't This Just Who I Am? 18:24 Personality #2 - The Hostile (Hey, Listen to Me!) - How to Become More Real 20:24 Personality #3 - The Darkness (What Do I Do?! or What’s the Point?) 22:52 Personality #3 - The Darkness (What Do I Do?! or What’s the Point?) - How It's Formed in Childhood Trauma 24:05 Personality #3 - The Darkness (What Do I Do?! or What’s the Point?) - How They Struggle in Intimacy 25:25 Personality #3 - The Darkness (What Do I Do?! or What’s the Point?) - Isn't This Just Who I Am? 27:00 Personality #3 - The Darkness (What Do I Do?! or What’s the Point?) - How to Become More Real 27:33 Personality #4 - The Ghost (How Do I Get Out of Here?) 30:05 Personality #4 - The Ghost (How Do I Get Out of Here?) - How It's Formed in Childhood Trauma 31:26 Personality #4 - The Ghost (How Do I Get Out of Here?) - How They Struggle in Intimacy 32:46 Personality #4 - The Ghost (How Do I Get Out of Here?) - Isn't This Just Who I Am? 33:21 Personality #4 - The Ghost (How Do I Get Out of Here?) - How to Become More Real 34:37 Personality #5 - The Are We Good? (We’re Ok Right?) 38:14 Personality #5 - The Are We Good? (We’re Ok Right?) - How It's Formed in Childhood Trauma 39:27 Personality #5 - The Are We Good? (We’re Ok Right?) - How They Struggle in Intimacy 40:34 Personality #5 - The Are We Good? (We’re Ok Right?) - Isn't This Just Who I Am? 41:26 Personality #5 - The Are We Good? (We’re Ok Right?) - How to Become More Real 42:53 Final Thoughts 45:34 Connect With Me 46:49 Outro

[@naw-_-]

I can see myself in 3 and 4 by reading the chapters. Edit (just watched the video): wow! Some things were 100% me and others were not or partly me. I cried and laughed at the same time because it was so accurate. Ty

[@verilyheld]

@extdmtrx The Ghost and The Darkness are two infamous man-killing lions. Michael Douglas was in a film about killing those two. As I recall, it's quite good. The title is The Ghost and The Darkness.

[@verilyheld]

I'd say I'm The Darkness. Psychologically, not lion.

[@okaykid]

you forgot 0:27, the joke that almost took me out. right left hook no warning joke. no time to process that, right back to it joke. didnt know you had jokes, too

[@lemsip207]

I think I was the Ghost. Often wandering the streets outside as early as pre teens, hiding behind a book in company or in another room in the house even when visiting relatives for a few hours. As I entered my mid teens, I drank alcohol when visiting as my elderly relatives would offer a sherry or vermouth to me, and I loved the zonked out feeling from it. I didn't want to engage as I was fed uo with being talked at instead of been asked questions about myself, which only a great aunt did. Escaping was my way of coping with elders in my family and treated as an extension of my parents or my cousins. It was the only way I could be myself.

[@Eric.T.Cartman]

I heard someone once say “healing can be so hard when your inner child wants love, your teenage self wants revenge, and your current self only wants peace”

[@jessethepersiankitty2377]

💯!

[@strangetenderness]

this 😭

[@MagicMaster515]

Wow do true

[@TheHevisol]

When I read this it reminded me of Nitche’s thus spoke Zarathustra and the three stages of spritual development, which are the camel, the lion and lastly the child: The camel Represents the Apollonian, this stage is about survival and carrying burdens. The camel is rational, patient, and obedient, and can survive in the desert by carrying great weight. Nietzsche suggests that people can become camels when they take on philosophical thinking, seeking out difficult insights to prove themselves capable of embracing the truth. The lion Represents the Dionysian, this stage is about challenging oneself and pushing outside of one's comfort zone. The lion unleashes a sacred "No" against the values represented by the camel. The child Represents a balance between the Apollonian and Dionysian, this stage is about moving more purposefully and perpetuating values that one desires

[@cbliss]

❤

[@Ouldoll1016]

My mum always said, as a criticism, “you were always so happy as a child, I don’t know what happened to you”. You mum, you happened. You sucked the life outta me and at 54, I’m still trying to figure out what I’m really like!!

[@cindylutz7442]

My dad said the same thing, only the happy child disappeared (per him) in toddlerhood. That's when, apparently, I started victimizing him, too. (Rejection that he didn't deserve, obviously.) I'd think, too, "You! You're what happened!" (not as a toddler--but after about age 9, 10.)

[@RabidFlowerpot]

Amen to that friend! Same here!!

[@micheletubaj7924]

Exactly between her and my Fathers non stop name calling here i am right back in the same situation that traumatized me in the first place. I am 8 years sober now and they are still abusive and i live with them again ugg

[@gerrieshapiro2147]

Same

[@alinashyra8547]

Strangely I always thought that I'm actually the problem and I'm the reason why i am unhappy

[@feurigerStern]

I often wonder what I would have been like without my childhood trauma.

[@Bmoney902]

I relate to this. Definitely something I've grieved, but I do think you come to acceptance as now I consider it, it's not something I've thought about in a while, and it used to be a relatively frequent thought.

[@donnasmith9939]

Me too.

[@KarizmaJones-oi9er]

I thought the same think 😢

[@niziangely5469]

Same it was a shock learning that people grow in normal households

[@sheashells]

Though it's truly hard to know. especially if the trauma started very young like under 5yo. There's no "before" that you remember. it's simply not fair

[@strangetenderness]

my mom always always always says “you never cried as a child, you were born so easy, 3 pushes and you were out, and since then you have always been self sufficient, never needed help, you were always doing everything on your own.” like that is a compliment.

[@strangetenderness]

i’m in tears hearing about The Ghost. i know that’s me ☹️

[@ChildPerson]

I died inside when my sister in law said that about my niece and nephews. Neglect in every way.

[@progressnotperfection1839]

I never thought of it as NOT being a compliment. Damn.

[@aywancfc]

Whoa, I relate to this so much. My mom also talked about how “good” I was as a child. How I never cried. I wonder if she would just “not hear” my crying and eventually I learned that help was never going to come.

[@KibaSnowpaw]

I've been there too, doing everything on my own and never relying on others. It’s like being self-sufficient is a badge of honor, right? But here’s the thing-being constantly self-reliant can be exhausting and isolating. While independence is valuable, studies show that we all need support systems for emotional well-being, even if we don’t always realize it. I've spent most of my life being my own psychologist, analyzing and understanding myself without professional help. It’s made me strong, sure, but it can also make you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world alone. Sometimes, letting others in or seeking external support doesn’t mean you’re weak-it means you’re human. Just something to consider, especially as we continue to navigate life on our own terms.

[@ashleypg1708]

I'm a Ghost. It's really lonely. People have said about me, "She's hard to know." I'm most comfortable in isolation.

[@Embracetherandom]

I totally get this!

[@hottew_twat3963]

me too ,I agree but Im learning to just embrace it

[@lollitababydoll]

Same!

[@fluffedsquirrel]

Me too 👻

[@nazscreamous]

I definitely have the quality of a Ghost too however I also realized my being in the wilderness has been such a stabilizer to these behavior patterns

[@PinkElfHSP]

"Being the focus is usually interpreted as being in trouble, or being shameful." Thank you for explaining why attention feels unsafe.

[@angelaandrews8027]

I can’t stand to be on camera, speak in front of my class, I don’t want to be looked at. And other dumb things.

[@EnterOsaka]

This really hit home for me.

[@christinan8059]

Thank you for your comment. It really gave me that lightbulb moment. Hearing it again…

[@danihusom8668]

Thank you for this comment, it hit different reading it in this way. Attention for me growing up was always being the butt of the joke so I always feel dumb and would rather be invisible. "Attention feels unsafe"... thank you.

[@PinkElfHSP]

@christinan8059@@danihusom8668 You're welcome, I'm glad it helped.

[@budbud13411]

1. Wow that sounds like me 2. Wow that sounds like me 3. Wow that sounds like me 4. Wow that sounds like me 5. Wow that sounds like me A big shout out to all those wonderful adults who influenced and impacted my childhood.

[@katieknutson5031]

This comment is perfect

[@ddl4374]

😁

[@kt1048]

I’m a big 1,4 and 5 who’s starting to dabble in 2 and 3 🤷‍♀️

[@ddl4374]

@@kt1048 ghost /are we OK -er, here. With sporadic fight attack hair trigger mode with bullies/ptedators/abusers

[@nextlifecreations]

This comment wins 💯

[@Paperskinglassbones]

At age 29, having lived alone for the first time in my life through COVID, I still struggled with a sense of self. My parents prioritized money and achievements over everything, including physical safety, so they never modeled for me any moral or kind personality traits. Thankfully, I had plenty of time to watch PBS where characters like Clifford taught me how to be a good person to others. I still feel an emptiness in myself to this day.

[@Xochitl1234]

I always mourn the person I would’ve become if I didn’t suffer as a kid 😢

[@mantequillaop8262]

Tell me about it

[@kenna_king100]

I try to think, maybe I would’ve had a great life but bad influences and trauma really just kept me from being a bad/mean person. I’m in pain a lot but I can also notice and try to help others goin through somethin… I do sometimes do the same, it’s hard not to while struggling.. but that’s what I try to tell myself. It’s easy to see and feel the bad that came from childhood trauma, but there’s for sure good from it that we may not even know

[@fjayneym7887]

I hope you can find that person and give them a chance to come home

[@charlenedewbre1280]

I told my therapist once, that I was sad that I didn’t get to be who I was supposed to be. She said, what if you’re exactly who you are supposed to be? And it took hearing this to help me understand what she meant. I’ve always been myself but wearing a pretty good Halloween costume. Lol

[@Darkosera]

The same, pal. I believe i would've taken a different path in my life and be much happier

[@hejshari]

This reminds me how shocked I am (when I think about it) that there are many people…literally just walking around, having lives…who weren’t raised in abuse. It’s unfathomable.

[@unknownchu]

It makes me feel so alone

[@hejshari]

@@unknownchuI feel that way as well-I’m so sorry you have to experience that 💙

[@matthewmaguire3554]

Two way street: We all have ego’s…Mangled on the assembly line or not…Mangled Ego:…Doesn’t everybody?!!!…Unmangled:…Doesn’t everybody?!!!

[@dark7angel456]

I wasn't abused... I just had no friends that were trustworthy and I had no people that actually cared of my feelings or even asked me... Childish people.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

weird, i always felt so awful because i was obviously the only one who WAS being raised in abuse.

[@Monaster01]

This video made me realize something. When I was a kid, I spent every moment either terrified of getting screamed at, shutting down, or hating myself and wanting to die. Then one day, out of the blue, I became angry. I get upset easily and lash out at everything. But ever since I became angry, I stopped feeling suicidal. I never realized it, but my anger issues must have developed to keep me alive.

[@kxenia7852]

Wow I can relate. You took the internalised anger outword

[@HaitianBlackGinger11]

Wow, having anger and being defensive was our protection from harmed emotionally, mentally, and physically. It just naturally became our reaction to what was being done to us.

[@Nastard2]

I was always angry. I have for a long time not wanted to live. I am still angry.

[@sebay4654]

I took my internalised anger and turned it nearly completely inward beating myself up as a way of stopping others from hurting me by hurting myself.

[@Izar_Sirius]

I can relate, i was first an extremely happy kid, then shit happened, i grew up to become a danger for myself because of depression, then became a danger for others because of anger issues, then i started therapy. Today when i look back it makes me laugh for how stupid i was in many situations 😂 Still working on myself tho, but since a long time now i don't want to hurt even a flight anymore 😅

[@frogking-v4k]

My parents would just do things like leave me at the park and laugh as they drive away after they told me goodbye it was nice knowing me. I remember running over to my older brother screaming asking why mommy and daddy left me. He just told me to calm down the were messing with us. But being 3-4 means I didn’t get the “creative humor” of my boomer parents. Or a few years later in 3rd grade when I had developed depression and I got very quiet and withdrawn. In between bouts of their screaming matches my parents had noticed my depression and anxiety. But since I wasn’t talking my dad decided the best way to get me to come out of my shell was to sit me down and tell me that my silence had broken the family apart. He literally said he couldn’t understand why but he was going to leave the family now because I wouldn’t talk. He said he just told mom and she was crying in the other room. I felt like I died that night. He kept up this game for two days until the teacher called him and he realized he had to stop and come clean because I wouldn’t stop crying at school. I remember getting in the car and he was laughing just brushing it off saying he was just fibbing cause he had no other option to get me to confess why I wouldn’t talk. They also kicked me out of the house in high school because I questioned their plans one time, about my future and I did this respectfully. I left the conversation when they started shouting and my dad chased me down in a fit of rage and told me to leave. This got the attention of the high school though as I was one of the most behaved top students and they found out I had no home for almost two weeks. So my dad begrudgingly took me back while claiming I had a problem but he found it in his heart to deal with me regardless. Just sharing in case this helps anyone. Have a good day

[@someonecallsmemum]

So sorry you went through that. I hope you found healing.

[@deborahchasteen3206]

How absolutely dreadful. I hope you’re finding peace and you are so good in offering your story to help others.

[@gmil24]

People pleaser! It's ok to share out of your own desire to be heard.

[@joypeace8574]

Your parents were emotionally sadistic and cruel. I am so sorry you endured that. 😢

[@libera7161]

Remind yourself that they probably are traumatized too. (Or else they wouldn't have done that) You are able to be better since you know what they did was wrong

[@Hmmtsk]

"Those who have a happy childhood embrace their life with their childhood. Those who have unfortunate childhood use their whole life to heal their wounds"

[@diamondgirl7997]

Yep. I'm 57 and I'm still trying to heal. How sad 😢

[@prestooooo12]

​@@diamondgirl7997 I'm just starting to try to heal. Long path ahead, huh?

[@nancyfelicityhaselton6152]

@@diamondgirl7997 same.

[@LeggoMyGekko]

I hate hate hate feeling like a kid, talking like a kid, being put in children’s environments. It’s so triggering for me and I can’t focus or relax until I’m out of there. I actually struggle to empathize with people who “wish they could be a kid again,” I just think wow, you were actually raised, and raised in an actual home! Sounds nice… when I go back to my child-state, I remember the hunger and constant moving and foster families and being around addiction and motel-hopping and begging with my mom for money from whatever church was closest by. So I absolutely do not wish I could be a kid again. “My worst days now are better than my best days back then.” I say this a lot, and it actually hits some people really hard. I’ve been asked “what about recess?” Other kids either ignored me or made fun of me. “What about play dates with friends?” My mom, in her addiction, weirded out all the other kids’ parents so they avoided me. “Birthdays?” See last answer. “Vacation?” Lol, we could barely afford the next day at whatever motel we were at (after my mom spent it all on m**h.) “Holidays with family?” Most of them were addicts, criminals, or downright insane and abusive. And the ones who weren’t, who lived relatively normal lives, avoided me because they associated me with my mom. I’m sure there are others but I can’t remember. I can’t think of much else kids actually get to enjoy. The idea of joy in my youth is such a foreign concept to me. I’ll never fully be able to understand it…

[@jesusslushies2192]

I didnt realize i had trauma from my childhood i needed to heal from until last March amd Im 67! 🤣

[@Swiftygirl133]

"Try not to shame yourself for anything that kept you safe" THANK YOU, PAT. Your work is a god-sent! Edit: wow, 1.3K likes. Thank you guys. I'm happy to know that this resonated with so many of us. Much love to you all.

[@Frances-Joy]

Love that, thank you

[@mikel1222]

Wow, thinking about it, I see them all as stages (of a progression) I've been through . ~kind of in the same way we go through stages of grief. Moving out of each is what I think matters most. I think the way he ordered them fits.

[@K8-M]

Agreed. If he hadn’t said that, I’d certainly be blaming and shaming myself as I always have. I didn’t realize that it was part of the trauma that caused me to be that way.

[@whisped8145]

That's probably one of the most helpful lines I've ever heard from any therapist. Definitely up on the winner-steps.

[@Yeshua_is-Cool]

Thank you I needed this God did through video games also God bless this man

[@tomaskey6844]

A counselor told me I was hostile and it pissed me off. 😂

[@PoopEaterFromMars]

So it made you more hostile? lol

[@Amoogus]

Fellow angry mfer. Nice to have you fella.

[@Amoogus]

Fellow angry fella. Nice to have ya

[@StephenGangi]

I get pissed off too. No surprise, all things considered. I'm judgmental and have a short fuse. Funny thing is, being THAT kind of an asshole actually WORKED. There's a big difference between a kid, and that same kid all grown up and *willing to push back*. In my defense, I recognize it and try t keep it under control. I keep score too - I may act chill or almost passive sometimes, I may "forgive" but I never forget if I'm done wrong.

[@ashleyleaman6744]

Checks out 😂😂

[@ChelsieMorganTonight]

I had Childhood Cancer… I lived in the hospital with my mom for like 9 years.. I believe this played a HUGE Role in who I am today… I want to over come my trauma but it’s really hard

[@HillaryCurtis-i1y]

I am sorry you dealt with that... I grew up in a hospital with my little sister... she had cystic fibrosis and died when she was 15... I know that being a child who had an understanding of the concept of dying is a BIG PILL to swallow... I hope you are well. Keep your head up. You still have the opportunity to live it to its fullest... and i hope you find a place where you can...

[@IIcorrinthians519]

Unfortunately, in a narcissistic family, they they start chipping away at the authentic child the moment the child begins to exhibit any signs of independence or thinking for themselves.

[@maryanncasciani3866]

Oh spot on. I lived that. Amongst a million other sick behaviors.

[@simonanardi4312]

Feeling threatened by different views within the family or the group of friends or work…

[@IIcorrinthians519]

So true

[@izabellearmin5778]

Jep, was fav child out of 4 for my father and when I turned 6, started to have my own thoughts, got thrown away 🥳

[@mrsfmcool]

😢 I was suppressed and punished and degraded for being so different to everyone else in my family

[@justinmccall7790]

Paid for counseling for years and basically all it was was “How does that make you feel?” About a month in and already have so much more value out of the work. Thank you!

[@ShadowMonk609]

That's great to hear my man. Just remember though, counseling isn't about being taught psychoeducation for an hour. Some people, don't have the awareness of how they feel when they talk about topics. It's about integrating the relational experience you have with the counsellor and connecting to different parts of yourself that you avoid. Hope you be well,.glad you found Patrick stuff❤

[@pipwhitefeather5768]

That magic question, that gets so diminished in mainstream comedy 'bad therapist' scenarios. I came to that through EFT. How do I feel? it wasn't a familiar question and it is something I am still practicing. How do I feel? I was so cut off from that. I just realised you may be saying hterapy was rubbish and Patrick is great. What ever you meant, the question - How did that make you feel? is always worth some time and consideration. Good luck on your self explorations :) 🙏

[@mariahconklin4150]

Right? lol! So true. I think this is where I'm gonna start my counseling me and my boyfriend want to do it together but I also kind of want my own counselor so not sure if I just should look up Patrick's courses or whatever he has to offer and hopefully we can both just pay half and half whatever the cost may be. But this is why I stopped going to counseling it was basically just me talking and the counselor nodding their head or telling me I shouldn't do something so I stopped going.

[@kellysmith1582]

Yeah, how come these type of videos are so full of knowledge and helpful, but when you go to a psychologist or psychiatrist they just want you to talk, even after knowing everything you’ve gone through and know how your feeling? It’s frustrating to go to an appointment to just talk, I can do that to myself in my car while driving or put down words in a journal…. I think Doctors should talk and give advice more than just listen.

[@MsClaudz]

We need to be taught how to sit with our feelings not just asked HOW we feel. We can be very good at describing how we feel, talking about what happened, showing insight. Then professionals say “well you seem to be coping really well.” And we go wtf?! I’m not coping at all, I’m in significant pain and could explode at any time. Learning to sit with the feeling means actually being in your body, noticing sensations. It’s all this somatic stuff that isn’t taught enough. Currently most of the people talking about these things tend to be on the Moro esoteric/philosophical spectrum so can be harder for some people to get into.

[@loriberryman4261]

I feel better when i read the comments and am reminded I'm not alone in this.

[@superhappy2880]

you are definitely not alone in this. ❤❤❤

[@DonVigaDeFierro]

This may sound harsh, but it's not my intention: The truth is, our problems aren't unique. There are so many humans who have lived that at least one of their stories is going to resonate with our own. But the good part is: There are many of them who found a solution to their problems. If they could, then we can too. And if by some random chance our problems are truly unique, then we must find a solution, not only for our sake, but for all the others who in the future are going to look up to us.

[@johnroyal4054]

I feel a lot worse and really scared.

[@ronaldsmith2965]

Totally agree.

[@guntess550]

Me too, I see you, you are not alone!

[@viporal7898]

Being called "entitled" for just trying to live and be happy was always so disheartening. These kind of videos are really opening my eyes to what happened ro me and how I could mend these traumas. Thank you

[@crazydiamond4565]

Wow! I'm 65 and have had years of therapy and no one ever explained who I am as perfectly as you just did! I'm sobbing. I am DEFINITELY #3! My mother was 16 when she gave me life! That in itself should explain why but she was VERY immature and at 83 , still is BTW. She had no idea what to do with a baby so I became a doll she could dress up or thrown in the crib to cry if she tired of that. I was pawned off to grandparents and aunts because she couldn't "deal". Each stage of life was no better. We grew up together . We have both healed our relationship but unfortunately the damage was done. I have had two failed marriages and for the last 12 years I have refused to date or meet anyone because I feel I'm too broken. The tears are making this difficult to type. Whomever reads this, thank you for listening. Love to you all! ❤

[@aibhilin1211]

I can very much relate to your story 🫂 💔❤️‍🩹

[@crazydiamond4565]

@@aibhilin1211 I'm sorry 😞❤️

[@palomac7041]

Sending you love.

[@crazydiamond4565]

@@palomac7041 Backacha!!💖✨ Thank you.

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

Find peace….concentrate on doing stuff u really like….hope you will be ok…❤

[@Gabriele1996-u6f]

"l will give you something to cry about ".was huge in my home

[@goatmealcookies7421]

Me too. I remember repeatedly and literally banging my head into the wall, or the floor, trying to deal with the stress. Couldn't have been older than 3.

[@TamaraBlackwell]

Oh that brought some days back

[@cecescooter8951]

Oh man...I know that one too well. Once I became a teenager, there was one day I finally decided to call out my mother's bullying bluster, and told her to bring it. We had it out. It felt so good to get that out for the younger me. After that she never physically touched me again. However, her antiquated "parenting skills" of negative tough talk continued. Life would fluctuate between verbal abuse, with doing things like buying me items she knew I enjoyed. The day she died, I felt nothing but relief. The following month I met my partner who is such a kind nurturing soul.

[@jenshepard8552]

Yep. "Turn off the water works" for us

[@elizabethbrown5289]

Yes

[@vz4779]

I'm a doer. Both my parents were addicts, and I tried to make sanity out of the insanity. I am 77 now and I have finally come to realize how exhausting and lonely an existence it has been.

[@tarae85]

What advice would you give to others who have experienced similar?

[@RosaleenD]

Sending warm vibes to you.

[@princesat6566]

I know you don’t know me but I’m here for you

[@are_you_a_noahide_yet]

I feel for you. I love this too.

[@hbennett5640]

I feel this...was always busy, but also lonely, which has lead to exhaustion.

[@stevewalker4638]

Never being told I love you,or a hug from your parents ,bad dreams from parents fighting child hood was so bad 😢

[@Ramirez10000]

Yeah ❤

[@SHINIGAMIoj2fz]

Same man💔 My stepdad used to beat the shit out of me everyday for no reason and my mom used to tell me it was all my fault! She wished I was never born. Your comment made me cry, never wanted to hug someone as much as I wanna hug u right now.

[@shawnmendrek3544]

Sometimes you learn young, means are just words.

[@jamieluce5808]

My mom took me to our family doctor around age 10. I had suddenly become pretty much unresponsive. I think my body just couldn’t take the emotional abuse and neglect anymore. I am kind of surprised my mom did anything about it. The doctor gave me a B12 shot for energy. I guess back then they didn’t believe children could be depressed.

[@truthtriumphant]

Wow! Very interesting!

[@maxinemoo6972]

I was told to get over it, everyone is depressed.

[@sterntaler64]

B12 and iron 😁 I received that as an adult aged 36. And after a few examinations it turned out that I had been suffering from gluten intolerance all my former life (feeling exhausted 24/7 and got called lazy by others, but nobody really cared for my health 😔)

[@Kipposhii214]

In my case, they assumed I had autism and put me in "special" classes. They can recognize autism, but not abuse and neglect.

[@jamieluce5808]

@@Kipposhii214 So sorry.

[@randompersonprobably4688]

It’s disgusting how perfectly you described me with the “Are we Good?” personality. I was literally raised to be a people pleaser.

[@TIME-fe6ne]

Same...

[@mykal4779]

same but i am getting better! slowly but surely, it can be done! developing self-respect has not been easy but it is the most rewarding thing i've ever started doing!

[@Szupilami]

Same😔

[@Mr.Obongo]

Same but I’ve gradually been overcoming it. Not from working on myself though, but by coming to conclude that it’s just not worth trying to please anyone.

[@cassier3544]

That one fit me the most as well, although I also consider myself to be part ghost and part darkness. Then again I’m neurodivergent so the latter could be more related to that.

[@NicoleDeYarmon]

My mom always said "you were such a good baby and child. I could sit u in the corner by yourself and you just stayed there taking care of yourself".

[@wendymarshall2132]

My mom did too. I needed her.

[@NicoleDeYarmon]

@@wendymarshall2132 It was like she was proud of me taking care of myself while she took care of my brother (unless, of course,it was "take care of mom time). I was my own mom. I'm sorry you went through the same, Wendy.

[@NicoleDeYarmon]

Me too, Wendy, since that's what went on with u too. So Sorry, luv. I feel the same.

[@lambchop6278]

My Mum said this too. Supposedly it can be a tell tale sign of actually having been neglected. And I know I was compared to my attention hogging older sister.

[@lambchop6278]

I felt so neglected compared to my siblings that I wrote a note to my Mum asking her to please pay more attention to me when I was about 6 years old.

[@paridhigiripunje4331]

My mother says: " I never had to worry about you when you were a child.. you were so understanding than other kids.. never demanded anything never stubborn about any toys.. don't know what happened to you when u grew up.. ugh.." 😑

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

Yeah, parents act so dumb

[@kevinlulu6683]

What does that statement says about you ? What's the point you're trying to make ?

[@kevinlulu6683]

Ok my bad, I think I got it (from other comments) : you just learnt quickly to look after yourself on your own because you knew external help wouldn't come easily.

[@PapilLaq]

Being a ghost fucking sucks. I'm ok being alone but everyone around me is so outspoken it makes me feel like a weirdo for not being like them. I want to be "normal" like everyone but its exhausting to force yourself to socialize and still be told you're too quiet/boring djrhjsna i hate it

[@yasminhendricksa4664]

Specially at work environment where socialising is almost mandatory . I don't mind chatting with everyone if I'm grabbing a coffee at the pantry and there are people there too.. but if there's a party that I HAVE to go, outside of work and everybody expect me to go..damn, suddenly it's the worst thing in the world

[@alisonsmith8653]

@@yasminhendricksa4664 Yes, I avoid work socialization. I hate it.

[@SpiderSmokingSam]

i love the keyboard mash :) im pretty sure i know exactly what you mean

[@Gibson-zq7tb]

@@yasminhendricksa4664you don’t have to go to any party. You should know that.

[@yasminhendricksa4664]

@@Gibson-zq7tb I don't have to go. But If I don't, there will be consequences 🫠

[@XanVicious]

Growing up as a hostile and seeing how functional families behave is truly one of the most heartbreaking things you can go through. You feel like you’ve been robbed of something that everyone is “entitled” to… nothing hurts more than realizing your s/o is a normal person and you’re just damaged goods…

[@terrelldurocher3330]

All the world has taught me was because i was born a male i am quilty of rape, misogyny and sexism.

[@olipritchard8151]

Remove the word 'just' there my friend. It hurts enough to have that Realisation of what you went through, adding that onto your perception of self worth isn't necessary. You've been through enough and you have value. The right one will see nothing but your worth. Keep your chin up.

[@CL053DC45K37]

This really hurt when I figured out that I was so abnormal and so messed up. Even now I don't like seeing loving healthy families because I never had that and at times got it insanely bad. I've only had on ex gf that was a normal healthy person. She and I only lasted a year before my anger ran her off but it wasn't because I directed my anger at her. I love her still she was the only person to show me true kindness, to show me how to be loved and for her I did everything I could to make her happy but she didn't like how I took no bs off strangers and would tell people off with the quickness. There was an issue with the dude that liked her for the last 10 years and he pulled her to his lap and held her there as she was trying to come to me and I lost it and he ended up out cold on the floor. She broke up with me 3 weeks later but we got back together for another 6 or 7 months after that. I just wish I had met her later in life. Being single for the last 13 years sucks.

[@DebbieJacksonArtist]

Came here to write this, amazing to find it already. You're not "just" anything - you've built so much on what you were handed that you have that SO in your life now x

[@editedforprivacy207]

Ya, it hurts. However eventually you can come to the realization that, you never broke yourself. You were broken by people who never cared.

[@charlieleseman7847]

I'm a doer with ADHD. Which means I'm always distracting myself and trying to solve problems, but I'm not accomplishing shit.

[@OrangeTree253]

Love me a brand new untouched problem as well. They are so much better than old problems I have already worked on. Ha ha

[@PhoenixAurelius-138]

I resonate with this 😂

[@shrinkingsinger]

This 👌💔🙏

[@Yeshua_is-Cool]

Mines no motivation baby ADHD woo hoo

[@ElChuntyCabra]

I'm ghost with a mix of doer and hostile. I hate socializing but learned how to fake charm my way into a lot women's pants. I have a strict routine of going to the gym, work, chores, etc. and i can be very extremely hostile, particularly when I'm in a committed relationship where i slowly resent and hate my girlfriend

[@awe_possum]

Growing up, I was a ghost among hostiles. Now at 30 I've become a hostile too. It's too difficult to soften up after being let down again and again and again. I have trust issues, anger issues from years of people pleasing and now, my toxic family calls me toxic. We all are toxic together. Precious traditional Greek families. 👌🏻

[@breni9201]

Wow. I am from a completely diff background to yours and yet you described me and my family

[@tiendang7531]

I’m Asian…….bloody hell that is relatable. So I distance myself from family & ridicule their toxicity 😂 feels good short term until I can feel safe softening up…..relax. Let go.😂

[@Gavvrose]

The Greek part of this is hilarious to me. I was taken from my real father due to my mother's control issues. She moved in an immigrant greek man. We were raised traditional Greek. Praying. Lying. Manipulation. Strictness. Inability to be ourselves. I am scottish and have red hair. They changed my name to a long Greek name and sent me to school telling me I should tell everyone I'm half Greek. This all happened by 8 years old. I used to really like Greeks. Starting to see another side.

[@cindybaker7153]

Thank you for this. I’m a chronic people pleaser. This reminding me of something that I learned. I used to be an opera singer. I didn’t sing for years, until I married my husband. I didn’t realize it but while I was singing Christian music I over dramatized everything in my voice. I started training a few years ago again. She noticed that I had a fake vibrato. She was right. After work, she found my real vibrato. I hadn’t heard it for many years. I was a broken person behind the mask of what I was trying to be perfect. I heard it and it was a beautiful friend that I lost. I realized that moment, it never went away and it was so beautiful in my ears and in my head. It may sound silly, but this vibrato was me, it was a part of me that is real, that I thought I lost.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Wow Cindy thanks for sharing that's so interesting. Due to childhood trauma I met a lady who went through so much trauma and because of it she sounded like a 8 year old it was so strange to me and she was 65 I believe...it's so interesting how trauma can effect our voices to I either sound like a child or my dad when angry. I'm glad that person helped you though that's so amazing.

[@nataliedickens1289]

This made me cry 💔 congrats on finding you again!

[@OneCatShortOfCrazy]

This made me feel like all our "real selfs" is like your lost vibrato and I have hope that all of us can achieve finding and "hearing" ourselves and recognizing our "true" selves the way you did your vibrato, and knowing without a doubt that this is the real thing that is part of us and not a coping part. Thank you for sharing!

[@alis5946]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I was moved to tears by reading your comment and am so happy for you to have been able to feel that connection with yourself again.

[@happygucci5094]

As a former singer/performer. Felt this in my SOUL 😔🥹 I’m so happy you are finding your voice 😊😊😊😊💗

[@hannahh8696]

Patrick, thank you so much for your content. It is a real relief to find such direct, honest, informed and compassionate information on childhood trauma and abuse. The validation is immeasurable.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Thank you so much for your generosity! ❤️

[@CycleBreakersCommunity]

❤❤ So lovely 😊

[@BrandaSilva-g4s]

If you have one parent toxic, the other parent is disturbed, too.

[@amorning2878]

(Sorry - I know you left your comment weeks ago) A perfect example why staying together for the kids can be a terrible decision; continuing a cycle that doesn’t just affect the kids. While divorce can be traumatic, sometimes the other side is worth the trouble so that healing can begin - for the adult, too. Every relationship is different and the controller can make things even worse, so I can’t judge choices. (omg, the pleaser in me is preemptively trying to head off angry replies!)

[@user-bn6oy5br3c]

@@amorning2878I regret every day if the rest of my life that I didn’t just take the kids and run. I was afraid G*D would curse my family if we split- I only realized way too late that I cursed my family by staying 😭😭😭

[@barbiegott8847]

​@@amorning2878I have kids that disowned me because I stayed with their narcissistic/bi polar father.

[@peanut3438]

sometimes, the other parent is damaged like you, and they’re not perfectly there nor even consistently good for you, but they can be the one that nourishes you in at least one aspect

[@xxxxzzxzzz]

​@@barbiegott8847 that happened with my family only to later find out the mom is a narcissist too

[@KibaSnowpaw]

As I watched this video, I couldn't help but see myself in the "Ghost" personality you described. I wasn't always this way-I was once an outgoing, energetic kid, maybe even a bit hyperactive. I used to run around, always talking to people, full of life. But something shifted when I was around 15. It might have happened gradually, or perhaps there was an event that triggered it-I’m not entirely sure. But I started retreating into my mind, locking myself away from the world. Talking to people became incredibly difficult. Trying to get a response from me was like pulling teeth, and the more people pushed, the more I retreated into myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer-I genuinely did-but I just couldn’t bring myself to speak. It was as if I was terrified of what might happen if I did, even though I knew logically that nothing bad would occur. My mind became my safe space, but it also became my prison. I remember a specific moment during an exam for my zookeeper certification. I was surrounded by people I had known most of my life, yet I felt utterly isolated. My mind was racing, taking off in a thousand different directions, and I just kept digging deeper into my thoughts. At one point, I blocked out everything around me, lost in the chaos inside my head. The result was one of the worst headaches I’ve ever had, and my head felt like it was burning up. This moment still sticks with me, even 20 years later. I never sought out a psychologist, though I probably should have. Even today, I know I should. I’ve spent over two decades analyzing myself, confronting my darkest corners, facing my demons head-on. I’ve lived with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts for over 20 years. Survival mode has been my default setting for most of my life. I took care of my sick dad for the last five years of his life, only to have him pass away from a heart attack five minutes after I got home. I have more trauma than I’d like to admit, but I’m a fighter-always have been. Listening to you describe the "Ghost," I realize that about 80% of it is me. Because of my upbringing, I’ve built walls, a castle even, and I have guards at the gate. As an adult, I live alone, work full-time, and avoid people in my free time, except for one close friend. I don't like crowded places-it's not that I can't be there, but I’ll always try to find a quiet corner to retreat to. I push people away, and I've stopped believing in love or the idea of finding a partner. I’m mostly fine with that because I hate the stress and struggles that come with it. I’ve been betrayed too many times to put any emotion into it anymore. I don't open up to people, and I only speak when I feel it’s necessary. This has led to moments where I stumble over my words because I talk so little-it’s not that I’ve forgotten how to speak, but it comes a bit harder than it should. Sometimes I even stutter. But despite all of this, I completely agree with what you're saying in this video, and I appreciate it deeply. Thank you for creating this content. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, even if I often feel like a ghost.

[@kK3509-o6j]

Pretty much everything besides the loss of your dad i can relate to.

[@cloroxbleach8661]

i relate to allllllll of this so so so so much. Thank u for sharing. You’re not alone❤️‍🩹🫶🏻. I was 10 when my dad passed.

[@KibaSnowpaw]

@@cloroxbleach8661 Sorry to hear that *hugs*. It's always harder when you're a kid than when you're an adult since you don't fully understand what's happening.

[@oregonsnob31]

I have no clue why more people aren’t subscribing- this man is a genius and so helpful.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

awwww thank you!

[@lemsip207]

I found him by accident as one of his shorts was in my home page, and I had subscribed to other therapists and life coaches.

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

​@@lemsip207same. His depth going through it is very apparent compared to other therapists I've come across

[@mariahconklin4150]

Right? I tell so many people about him and Danial Mackler love both their content.

[@erinm3567]

​@@mariahconklin4150Thanks! I just subscribed to Daniel M. Hadn't heard of him before.

[@mrfake675]

I realized trauma freezes me. Their were periods of my life I barely interacted. The light left me. It was a trauma response. Definitely hindered my world without knowing

[@mrfake675]

Then later in life I started to lash out after trauma....totally selfish of me.

[@mrfake675]

It was selfish because I put myself in situations that traumatized me.....I think it is ultimately good because it grinds down my self esteem. Kills my foolish pride where the demons hide.

[@GilgameschUruk]

How did you find the light again?

[@Traceysthoughts]

I still freeze and withdraw. I just don’t even want to participate. I’d rather be by myself. Most days I like me.

[@SuLawn]

You know more now. Choose to fill yourself with love. ❤️🤗🙏🙂

[@DebHell]

the not dressing the kids according to the weather really got me because one of my strongest childhood memories are me feeling so cold during weekend afternoons.

[@jpfitness2242]

Finally, someone who can have calm and thoughtful conversations about these topics without letting ego or showmanship get in the way. Patrick, you are so good at what you do. Your videos are very helpful for me and many other people.

[@jackfuego1030]

“The desire to be real” hit on another level

[@crazyjoce]

I’m definitely a “Doer”.😭 I recently got laid off and I realized I have a lot of free time. My mental state has been horrible because of it. My first reaction was “I need to stay busy to keep my mind off things, I need to stay busy.” I tried to make a schedule packed day so my mind does not think about my childhood trauma or anxiety.

[@crazyjoce]

@@Robyn-Lee-B Yup, Similar situation, my family is broken right now, nobody wants to bother and it's just no love really. So I mostly keep to myself. They only call me when they need something. I'm learning to say no and take care of myself but this self love journey is harder than I thought.

[@88Oleksiy]

Same

[@dramatriangle]

Wow, this is so eye opening!!

[@learninglanguageswithfun488]

Same. Am a doer. I didnt realise it was a trauma response. Others admire me for speaking several languages, knowing so many things about all kinds topics etc... but yeah thats actually a result of me trying to stay busy.

[@sherievangelene9045]

I am definitely a doer too. I always have four or five projects on the go, besides my own business. In the summer months I work 12 hours a day, every day (literally like 110+ days straight). My hubby is ALWAYS trying to get me to relax or take some time off. But I can't sit with myself. The only time I can 'chill' is with cannabis. Then I can space out and watch tv or play a game for a bit, but that's still not sitting with myself. I have heard ppl say 'I got nothing to do, I'm bored.' I honestly can not relate to that. I was probably 5 the last time I was bored. I am just learning about childhood trauma and healing. Cheers to the day that I don't have to fix everything and can sit quietly with a cup of tea. If you haven't yet, all the doers should have a listen to the song "Surface Pressure" from Encanto. It's sooo relatable. In fact, it was absolutely that movie, that song, that started me on this journey.

[@vickil3256]

I was such a cute little girl. I’ll never understand how my parents could treat such a cute little girl so badly.

[@SexyTCAPdecoy4Hansen]

Girl no I’m already crying 😭

[@Iamwhitneygreen]

THIS! I was a beautiful precious little girl my parents didn’t deserve me.

[@luxaeterna3246]

No child deserves to be treated like shit.

[@MzSmokey420]

❤

[@MzSmokey420]

​❤@@Iamwhitneygreen

[@heatherwarner865]

Need another one the Poser. I have PTSD from childhood trauma and at 47 have used my entire life to "pretend" to be fine. We do what others expect of us in public; we put on the smile, laugh, joke and be involved when all we want to do is run away. We act our way through life being someone else because it's either too painful to be who we are without the fear of repercussion or because the trauma is more than we can handle so we shut down and work as an automaton. I still do this with my 82 year old mother who wants me even now to be who she wants. If I have my own opinion, do something different and don't toady to her way of thinking I'm verbally abused...so the poser personality takes over as a defense mechanism.

[@Potato33370]

I was definitely the “are we good,” but then morphed more into the darkness in my late teens/early 20s. I’m 28 now, married to a wonderful man, and I have a warm, safe, colorful life. It amazes me to see how my real personality has come through again. And it reminds me of how I was when I was 3 or 4- sweet, loving, silly, happy!

[@karmica7591]

Thank you for this comment. Similiar to me, I’m the are we good towards others, while also feeling the darkness type that developed more and more over time. I escaped an abusive relationship a couple of years ago and had to come back to live with my mother, I’m glad I worked a lot of myself or this would have been too much. I hope I can get too to a loving relationship and more fulfilling life like you described. Congratulations for archiving that, I hope you’ll have a great and loving life.

[@LuxMeow]

@@karmica7591 I cant even imagine, I literally chose to be homeless over putting me and my 2 yr old in the presence of my mother when the same thing happened to me as she was just as bad as my kids dad, if not worse. As a teen I used to always say I would rather be homeless than live with you and then I actually proved that to be true. Being homeless for months with a toddler was a terrible experience from sharing unhygienic spaces, no matter how clean you were, abusive staff, major stress, catching covid, to developing pneumonia and coughing up blood from the rsv virus and maybe even close to death was STILL better than ever having to live with my mother again. Having a mother like mine is like not having one at all.

[@LuxMeow]

@@karmica7591 I cant even imagine ever being with someone after the men I've met. They just kept getting worse and worse.

[@karmica7591]

@@LuxMeow wow, I’m sorry you had to go through all that, also with a child. But I totally get you and why you chose that instead, I was close too. I tried everything I could outside living in the streets before going back and at first it had to be for a really short period. I stayed more cause the situation changed a lot between us, I did lots of therapy and she discovered to have a bad autoimmune condition (and to be honest also started having different targets being one the bosses at work now 😒), so I stayed more than intended cause it’s way more manageable for me atm. But I would never do that if the situation was the same as before, she’s not the worst parent out there, but she still do abusive shits so I don’t think it matters that much anymore. I was no contact with her for a while. Anyway, it looks like you’re in a better place now, and I hope that so much for you. You’ve definitely been in some really rough times and I’m sorry that happened to you. Wishing you and your kid all the best, seriously.

[@JeffMTX]

Run and kiss (etc) that man right now!!! 😂

[@Myytzlplk]

22:43 "they might destroy themselves to save a goldfish" 😢you sir are the very first person to see me in 50 years. I'm shaking

[@YewrinePish]

I see you, boo. My dad set up a trap to catch a groundhog, but caught a squirrel because he baited it like an idiot and left it where the squirrels are. My mom nagged and bitched and howled and yelled that "there's a squirrel" and made me "deal with it". She wouldn't call my dad. She wouldn't show me how to deal with the trap. She yelled and screamed I would get bitten. She told me to drown it. I had to take a hockey stick and lift the trap into a pool. It struggled and drowned. I cried and buried it. They teased me. I was probably 17 or 19. Maybe younger. I don't remember much from when I was about 10 or 11 until I was 23.

[@bridgetwalker5249]

Me too

[@MelonB0mbAKA]

Same here 🫂

[@trichomaxxx]

@@YewrinePish Shit man, tough stuff.

[@nancyseidel1132]

Ditto

[@klaramolitva]

I know a lot of people with childhood trauma that are Doers. The Doing style just fits perfectly into our Western culture. Societal norms tend to praise and reward us if we are active, productive and succesful. So it makes sense why many people turn to 'Doing' as their main defence strategy. In comparison, I think The Hostile and The Darkness can seem more counterculture with their aggressiveness and negativity.

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

Yeeeup!

[@1948rambo]

I'm a doer and I think THAT to me means there's HOPE! Not wanting to accept the truth and just sit in it.

[@yayawawasy]

That's why so many people glorify bad childhoods in this country - it gives people the desperate drive for validation that fuels the greed machine

[@emmaobrien1376]

Sure, but you can also DO to create change. I do more in my community than I do at work. I definitely do too much, though.

[@1948rambo]

This is such a tough one! Mind blowing for sure! Keeping busy does help me too. @@emmaobrien1376

[@dylananth]

I watched this out of my own immediate need to find a way to figure myself out to some degree, and I absolutely resonated with the Ghost. I'm a hardworker, I'm thorough, reliable, dependable, but absolutely no one knows how I feel, what I feel, how I'm doing, or what I did yesterday or what I'm doing tomorrow. It's hard for me to find someone to love, I'm a straight trans woman and I feel like there are so many layers I've woven to make the fabric of who I am that I feel unlovable, misunderstood, invisible, and worthless. But at least I have myself I guess

[@szanH]

Finding you on YT feels like finding a brilliant movie on netflix. All the hours spent on scrolling through crap was finally worth it. Thank you, I feel deep sympathy whenever I hear you speak - the message is coming from someone who knows this stuff inside out and what's more; is brave enough to share his own sad childhood stories (and impacts thereof) with the entire world.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

thank you so much❤️

[@tls2626]

Yessss ❤️

[@AndyMartin51]

I'd SO much rather hear this type of info from people who became a professional after having lived it, instead of just coming from a clinical standpoint.

[@sterntaler64]

​@@AndyMartin51 Exactly 👍

[@BellaToms]

@@patrickteahanofficialthank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. You’ve provided us with such a safe space with your videos and have saved more people than you know. You’re truly the best at what you do. With warm wishes from Sydney 🇦🇺

[@TheSerioshka91]

I've never had anyone or seen any video that articulated what I've experienced in my life so well - being a ghost as a result of a domineering energy vampire parent. Thank you for mentioning the numbness as well, since I fear I'm numb to a lot of positivity now, and not just the negativity.

[@steftacular]

Also a ghost due to a grandiose narcissistic parent. I never felt so called out and seen in my life by this video. It's helpful to know what I have to work on now.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Aw the ghost one is the one I wish I had I'm the Hostile one first and the secondary is the Darkness one both are so awful I'm like this emo vampire lol.

[@thaiismmag]

Ghost with touches of Hostile and Darkness here, I guess. Ghost was the description that had me broken and almost instantly crying. Probably a sign of its realness, since it's so hard to know what is real in this eering existence. Also made me remember a poem/song in which I wrote: "why do I keep running? Why do I keep ghosting myself?". Powerful video.

[@OneCatShortOfCrazy]

@@mariahconklin4150 Naming and understanding what we have become and why is the important step towards our own healing. I wish you the best on your journey forward. *hugs*

[@Llkolii]

I'm also a ghost and never would've thought! It made so much sense, the whole video was very helpful

[@milkybeanz]

It sucks being mainly a ghost type with ADHD. Always getting yelled at for forgetting this or that, getting shamed for struggling with academics at times. And when trying to reach out for support and open up with my struggles being met with responses like “just cope like I did” or “just stop choosing to focus on the wrong things” it drove me up a wall. Eventually I withdrew from looking for intimacy because I thought I’d just burden other people with my broken brain and get screamed at by them too. I just kind of gave up and retreated to my room for hours out of the day playing video games or whatever to escape. It wasn’t much better because I’d still get yelled at for staying in my room all day and “being boring” but it still helped. This existence is hell and I want nothing more than to begin healing.

[@wawa4744]

i usually never post comments (i wonder why lol) but reading this described my childhood word for word holy shit thank you for sharing

[@supersonictumbleweed]

Did you struggle with academics despite loving learning a lot too?

[@DorisBTS]

This describes my son. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager after suffering a long time from depression and anxiety. He needs a lot of space but I often think I should be hassling him to get up and do things as that would have happened to me growing up. We get along great but I sometimes struggle to know what is the best way to help him because of my own childhood trauma. Your comment has given me real insight and reassured me that I am going about things the right way. Thank-you ❤

[@mrkillgore]

the first step to healing is the desire to do so. it’ll be alright regardless of how long it takes

[@lam_lian]

This video is so spot on I keep coming back to it over and over and over. I wish I had a therapist as kind and understanding as Patrick tbh.

[@evolunacy2]

The work you do here is so important, and it’s not only tremendously helpful for all of us to recognize remnants of childhood trauma in our own lives, but you also help us open to empathy and compassion for others who may be acting out of unrecognized childhood trauma in their own lives. Thank you!

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

Great points 👍

[@happygucci5094]

Great comment

[@TibiSum]

I appreciate this comment

[@annadonahue4119]

Truth 🌟

[@vickilawrence7207]

I’m 74 years old and it’s taken me most of my life to overcome the multiple abuses that my mother perpetuated against me and my siblings. I spent a lot of years in therapy with some positive results but I have continued doing a lot of self help through numerous other methods. I have had to reparent myself and learn to love myself and forgive myself for the harm I’ve done to myself and others. It’s a long and arduous path but it’s definitely worth it. Just don’t give up. I really enjoy my life and I’m close with my children and my grandson in particular! Thank God that I was motivated to being open to learning. Some of the lessons were painful. Thanks for the information

[@1948rambo]

I'm thinking it's not about BLAMING anyone but UNDERSTANDING...It never starts with the Mom or Dad...they had what happened to them too! Compassion doesn't make abuse ok- .it does make it easier to forgive those who hurt you...and get FREE from that prision.

[@penyarol83]

​@@1948ramboblaming your abusive parents is perfectly fine. In fact, it's a crucial part of healing. If you try to skip that step, and continue trying to "understand" your perpetrators, you will never truly stand up for yourself and so will never truly heal. No one NEEDS to forgive those who hurt them - that isn't a required part of healing. So forgiveness is not the priority. The priority is recognizing and grieving our own wounds, being able to be angry and even allow ourselves to hate our perpetrators (for as long as that is necessary to fully experience all our feelings about it) and resolving to be on our own side from now on and not sacrifice ourselves to our parents or anyone symbolizing them any longer. Compassion, understanding and forgiveness of our abusers does not heal us. Compassion and validation of our own self does.

[@1948rambo]

I think healing comes in stages.......and I was born into it. I'm 75 years old...My entire life was laced with narcissist and their vicious flying monkeys! Yes understand what happened to YOU.....just keep in mind those people who abused you and me were also abused. That's doesn't make it ok by any means......I thought I was pretty tough but this is THE WORST!!!! @@penyarol83

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

​@@penyarol83I think that churches promote forgiving and reconciliation with abusers, who are still abusive. It's a firm of denial that backfires on the survivors. I don't listen to such idiots anymore. But I stayed decades too long in a toxic, dysfunctional family thanks to such horrid advice ! Going no contact, and prosecuting certain parents or family members for committing crimes against the children is the way to go.

[@sandi5276]

@@penyarol83 standing ovation to you for stating the *real* truth.

[@raymascetta]

This explains so well why relationships can falter when a person starts to work on themselves….when a Do Good or a Ghost turns into a Hostile, how can partners and relationships possibly adapt? When a person who was passive starts to advocate for themselves it can really throw off the people in their lives, even if it is a sign of recovery and growth. Super helpful for my personal journey, so thank you 🙏🏻

[@-._.-KRiS-._.-]

I think one of the biggest mistakes everyone makes about relationships is expecting your partner to remain the same person years down the road. Who is ever the same person they were 10 years ago? I'm certainly not. And I won't be the same person 10 years from now.

[@kittyjo3922]

I can relate. Hope it gets better for you. We deserve to be happy.

[@whatnextincomo]

if advocacy is healthily expressed, no problem. Becoming less trauma based, in terms of personality, is never problematic. Ever.

[@stephaniemessina6259]

Man, I didn't even realize this was the question I was trying to form for so long. When I go from a people-pleasing ghost to an assertive hostile, how do I overcome the fear of losing my relationships to the 180°?

[@kathleendavis2008]

When a passive person starts to stand up for themselves...how does the other person handle it? It's called a divorce! Best thing I ever did. Many ppl are out of My Life now cuz they no longer own me !

[@ceciliaohman185]

I’m relieved to hear you say that in therapy we change back and forth between until we find our true selves. ACOA has been a life changer for me. Thanks great information Patrick

[@RuthanneKiefer]

I knew my childhood was bad after I had my own child that I still can’t live without. She had so much happy and joy! It made me realize this was closer to my real me. From there, I began to separate from my biological family.

[@saiki3603]

Oh my

[@ac1646]

Thank you. Your little story brings me joy 😊😊 Edited to add: you've written a story with a few sentences. 🫶

[@AndyMartin51]

Parenting can be so triggering, not just the way our kids mirror our stuff back at us, but also realizing that our parents should have done so much better. Like I wish I had half the dad that I am 😔

[@CatalinaFOIA]

Absolutely this post hits hard. Thank you.

[@sterntaler64]

​@@AndyMartin51 Same here as a mam and grandma 🙂

[@anon33777]

When I moved out into my first flat with other people I was shocked that being screamed at isn't normal at all. It's crazy how you can get used to all kinds of abuse and then not even realize it is.

[@tiendang7531]

Correct, when I move to a western suburb I got complaint for being loud…then I realize it’s an Asian thing & can change. i feel so much better now! 👍 I don’t have to constantly perform, can just relax

[@yolandamclean1248]

I'm a ghost and a doer. Fortunately, the doer in me sought out counseling but the ghost in me is keeping me there. I have such a hard time opening myself up and making connections I desperately want. I've been in therapy for 10 years and it has been very helpful.

[@tiamarie636]

I also relate to the ghost and the doer. It's like the doing is the justification to be a ghost. If you stay busy you have no time for connection. It's a struggle though to be a doer because you are honestly convinced that you need to do all of the things. It's nice to hear therapy helps.

[@introv3rt3dc4ctus]

I'm a ghost and a doer too. I didn't know there were other ghosts before I saw this video. I find most people not "worth" opening up to, and I just stay silent when other people are talking. It seems to be true that they don't want to get to know me and just like to talk about superficial stuff, so I don't force myself out there... what for? It must be the ghost speaking, but I see no end to this dilemma.

[@deannastatler7712]

​@@introv3rt3dc4ctus Me too

[@louisemcdermott1559]

Thank you, Patrick. This is one of the most articulate descriptions of how childhood trauma shapes the personality through its own defense mechanisms. I am a therapist and a person who went through trauma, and highly identified with The Ghost and The Darkness. I look forward to watching more of your videos.

[@intense_vibration]

Im mostly the ghost. I immediately clicked on the timestamp because ive always referred to myself as one. No one has ever really known me besides my partner. I dont really know myself, though. I tried therapy. By the third session, it got too personal. I left and never went again. I hope one day god grants me the strength to face my past. Its too much to bear. Thanks, Patrick.

[@Magus_Union]

It's especially isolating when you are neurodivergent, and people are too "weirded out" by your nature to even try to get to know you.

[@intense_vibration]

@@Magus_Union yep. I hear you. They're either weirded out by me or get a whiff of my vibes which are usually stay the fuck away from me vibes. I hate and love who I've become.

[@xejelah]

Do you have avoidant personality disorder at all?

[@kristi5267]

I hope you can try therapy again and deal with the personal. It's great that you are watching these videos. You only have one life, and I think it's worth it to work through the pain to make your life more fulfilling. You deserve it and so does your partner.

[@monicamomney8756]

I feel a lot of love for this as I don’t show anyone me but my partner as well. I’ve given up believing other people want to care

[@zephyr3693]

I was listening and observing, not relating much to the first couple, I related a bit to the darkness one (mostly when I was a teen, I grew out of that a bit), but when he started on the ghost my jaw literally dropped to the floor, and I honestly almost left the room several times (fitting for the ghost tbh) It almost hurts to be read so clearly like that. Almost feels like being exposed. I guess I found my main trauma personality type. This man is doing such important work and I know lots of people say this but I never felt before like there was a human soul alive who really throughly understands childhood trauma like Patrick does. I still feel so alone, but there is a tiny glimmer that I might not be beyond understanding or repairing.

[@jenniferhaaland3028]

We are here, together on the same journey, and heck yeah Patrick is one of us, so he called us out lol… and is challenging us all to keep up the good work 😂❤

[@deborahbailey8246]

🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

[@Sillymodezeenith]

Same; I was listening to the other personalities without much reaction, but darkness made me really defensive? Insulted? Exposed? I can’t really say but it was negative. I grew up extremely antagonized. I was the scapegoat to everyone else, in my personal life when I was older, and in my family life. Especially from my parents I felt a real, tangible sense that they hated me. They genuinely would’ve been happier if I weren’t around. I’m in a much better place now, especially relationship wise, but I lean really heavily into an almost clownish persona to escape that. I feel like when I can’t be high-energy and silly, then I’m too difficult to deal with. I never escaped the pattern. I still feel like people are better off without me, but we’re working on that.

[@NothingE1se]

Same for me, @zephyr3693, even though I initially somehow resonated with the doer because that’s another form of escaping I had to press pause more than once while Patrick was speaking because he was definitely spot on, and I too left the room to do a couple tasks every time to get the space to elaborate on all the stuff he said. It’s good to hear that I am not the only one… Good luck on the unghosting journey to you from a fellow ghost 😊

[@maughtayo]

I felt really exposed by the ghost, too. I felt ashamed by looking at all of these traits being listed out like my secrets were being exposed for the whole world to see, when in reality, I was shamed for these things before by my parents even if they weren't my fault and I was just reliving those moments. I can see clearly now how true intimacy and connection is what I should strive for, it just feels hard to go for with this crushing fear of rejection and abandonment looming over me.

[@jameswilson5248]

I learned more with your videos in 3 weeks than a lifetime of therapy. I am angry but also thankful for finding you

[@EMYoutube1225]

Same

[@shadylady1503]

Not getting the right help is so frustrating. So many years of unnecessary suffering... These videos gave me some crucial insights that I missed in years of therapy as well

[@sherir3668]

You are not alone!!❤

[@jameswilson5248]

@@sherir3668 thank you

[@melis6294]

Patrick's content helped me ditch many bad therapists who were positive toxic, not empathetic or not healed themselves.

[@melissaxenawarriorprincess]

I love your videos. I always cry watching your videos. they are so healing for me. I grew up with a single father, abused every day and finally left for the military when I was 18 to escape my home. I have a picture in my house of myself when I was 3 and I often look at that little child to try to remember my original spirit.

[@TMichelle555]

Before puberty and before the worst of my trauma i was bubbly and made friends with everyone - puberty hit and i completely did a 180 in my personality and became introverted and painfully self conscious

[@hbennett5640]

❤Same here, something just switched, aging, stress and anxiety.

[@sneakybean]

Are you me?

[@TMichelle555]

@@sneakybean yes

[@sneakybean]

@@TMichelle555 you're valuable and so am I

[@TMichelle555]

@@sneakybean period

[@marleenovergaauw5932]

My first response is to start people pleasing, mainly at work. When I become aware I'm pleasing my second response is to become hostile: solve your own damn problem! I'm sick of being used as an easy solution. And then that doesn't sit well either (I feel guilty for lashing out). I haven't learned how to be assertive and set healthy boundaries for myself and this is the result. I really hate conflicts and try to avoid them. Thank you for sharing this video, it helps me understand myself better.

[@annadonahue4119]

I feel like this too Keep the faith 🌟🦋

[@uhohvnasty]

You are describing me. Thank you for sharing.

[@hetedeleambacht6608]

Recognisable. Maybe this thought helps too: People dont necessarily expect you to please them entirely or solve their own problems. I think its tough, but they can like you, even when you dont please them all yeafr round. Probably they will even like you even more. (Because they wont please everybody all the time)!!! If that helps.....I have a tendency to please too much too...

[@chanell1491]

As a hostile I noticed when I talk to people I often have to provide the other prospective. Even if I agree with them. I thought I was just having a rounded conversation but noticed others took it as correction and sometimes offense, like I’m trying to argue with them. I have a father that looks for dissatisfaction in everything. I bought him a new coffee maker for his birthday and the first thing he said is he, “could tell it was cheap.” Doesn’t matter how kind of a gesture you do, it will be accompanied by a critique. Or the time I bought him donuts from my favorite place and he, “could tell they were bad just by looking at them” then ate 7. I would love a more detail video on learning softness.

[@brandonketuri924]

Yeah, I kinda need that one too

[@cyndrift]

not quite as severe as your situation but my parents were both quite paranoid, resistant to any alternative opinion or lifestyle, and unwilling to believe others at their word (including me). the defensive use of devils advocate was an especially common way of invalidating my feelings, i.e. subtle victim blaming, gaslighting or generally making me feel like there was no trust between us. if i had anything too 'out there' to prove, no matter how small, it required an essay's worth of proof, a lot of pain and persistence on my end, and sheer luck for any of it to stick. it's not like i wasn't complemented too, but it always felt insecure and conditional, so it was alternatively something I desperately clung to or discarded as noise. in my adult life I became highly critical of others, to the point giving compliments was almost always begrudging and made me feel ill. i used devils advocate a lot, even when i agreed with the other person, as you said. i think I was trying to help the people I criticized-- I thought the world wouldn't accept anything less than perfection, and that being complimentary was lying that shielded people from the painful truths they would need to learn to survive. really i think i was just making people miserable though. been doing my best to be better. softness = weakness is a hard thing to unlearn.

[@Inddesign]

to me, your father exhibits some behavior and attitude of a narcissistic person, you should consult with a specialist, but I can tell you that you are enough, you don't have to go to the moon and beyond to really love and take care of yourself, people like your father never change, it is best to focus on yourself. best wishes!

[@kuhuuuu]

I'm watching this video twice, because the first time i was watching this i ended up falling asleep 😭 you're voice is really comforting.

[@simonark1176]

Compassion is the torch in a world that is persistently dark..... Light your path with patience I wish you all the healing whoever you are ❤

[@Bindi.B]

❤

[@tarae85]

Beautiful.

[@HigherSelfSeason]

I’ve actually been ALL of these at some point in my life. I even got a 92% on the Toxic Family Test. At 47 years old I’m beginning to realize the effects of my childhood trauma. My healing journey has opened my eyes to the depths of DYSFUNCTION that I’ve experienced over the years. Needless to say I’m extremely GRATEFUL! Life is starting to feel liberating considering I’m BREAKING the strongholds of so many heavy burdens. Blessings to everyone who’s in the process overcoming the hurt and pain of your past. I’m sending a huge HUG your way! 💎

[@jennw6809]

I got 93% and I also relate to all these coping strategies to some degree. In my teens I was The Darkness; when I was older I moved into a Hostile mode until it started softening through some therapy. I isolate like a ghost now, but one who wants to be a doer like others in my family. And I am starting to see how much I would slip into Are We good at various times throughout my life.

[@andrea5461]

I identify with characteristics of the Ghost, and I've realized with time that connection and intimacy feels like a lot because it requires me to come back to this "realm". As a ghost, I can wander in the world without really feeling anything. I can cease to exist. When something requires me to connect, I have to fall back into this world, be accountable, be grown, respond, take action, or risk making things even more difficult for myself.

[@caitlinsmith5038]

I am definitely a doer. Since therapy is SOOOO expensive I have found a good alternative: Journaling. Makes me sit with my emotions and really name what is going on inside. Allowing yourself to cry is helpful too.

[@Ivy89261]

In kindergarten I suffered from multisism which didn't bother anyone because a child who doesn't speak is easy. I did very well at school but was so extremely shy that I cried at the slightest criticism. I always felt like an alien and when I was asked about it I had the feeling of being exposed and just cried. From the 6th grade onwards I could no longer study. I didn't feel like doing anything more because I didn't know what it was for. With the best will in the world, I couldn't see a future. my parents were alcoholics. My father is a cheater and my mother is a complete schizophrenic. sometimes nice and then screaming again. My oldest brother was completely disturbed and constantly attacked other children and constantly threatened me with murder. Now I'm 35, I have a child and I try to do everything as well as possible. I had to cry with joy when I heard that she is loud and wild when playing with other children because that means, thank God, she is not like me. I don't work and I'm still struggling to find meaning. Therapy always made things worse, from wrong diagnoses without knowing me to wrong medication. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

[@dawnyoung8]

It sounds similar to me , kind of . I wasn’t shy , but I didn’t talk at school . I didn’t shut up at home . Until I did , then I quit talking and stayed alone whenever possible ! I didn’t feel , and still kind of don’t feel like I’m in the world so much as I’m watching it . Then when I have to , it’s hit and miss . I prefer caregiving . I hate being the center of attention although people used to accuse me of wanting it ! Which was very confusing .

[@alexfenton229]

God bless you Ivy love. Since you became a mother you are already making sure you don't repeat what was done to you and your daughter is proving that. You noticed that and that's down to you. Keep it up, you can be a wonderful Mother.

[@kdc1153]

Honey, that's not what a schizophrenic is... but I'm sorry you had such a rough childhood and that you have had a hard time getting the correct help for yourself as an adult. Blessings.

[@hbennett5640]

You're a beautiful person and well said...hugs❤

[@EarnedHeart]

I had the same feeling as my child! I was like yay she socializes and stands up for herself! I told her she would be successful!

[@Fluff-gl6yr]

There’s something about the darkness personality that definitely explains a lot to me. I live in perpetual fear of some unbearable worst-case scenario. I’m unable to take my mind off the possibility of something extremely horrific happening, and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s no solution to this problem beyond distraction and self-deceit. :(

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

I'm quite similar. People sometimes shame me for not speaking in a more 'positive' manner. I get lost inside decision making too.

[@Celeste-jh2lj]

I feel that a lot too. Waiting for the shoe to drop all the time. Distraction and self decite is how i deal with it al lot. I try to remind myself to look around and reassess how things currently are and sometimes it helps when things arent that bad

[@annadonahue4119]

And faith 🌟

[@JKDVIPER]

Patrick, you might have saved me. Because of the work you do, coupled with work I’ve done, there was enough in place to thwart a histrionic attack this week. Somebody I trust said something off the wall at a public hearing and completely looked past, me, my wife, our track record, reality, and because she’s being manipulated by somebody narcissistic, the abuser is now doing the bidding, and she fell for it. There’s no way to thank you. But because you educate us on gas lighting, toxic families, and healthy boundaries, I was able to talk through it, not act in any way different than usual. And I avoided a massive trigger. 😜👍💯☑️very thankful. Now it’s time to straighten it all out.” 🤢

[@JKDVIPER]

THANKS PAT. 😉💯

[@sharonthompson672]

This is huge! I'm very happy for you and wish you much success in your healing.🖐️🌹

[@carolnahigian9518]

GOD BLESS YOU funboy!!- Way too serious as PreTeen, i VALIDATE YOU MY Friend

[@JKDVIPER]

@@sharonthompson672 you rule. Ty.

[@JKDVIPER]

@@carolnahigian9518 you reign supreme for that. Ty!

[@dagreat201]

Patrick I am so thankful I found your video, I'm 19 and just lost my mother to cancer, the whole process I just couldn't help but shake a feeling that how I felt was wrong and how I still feel being incomplete about the whole terrible experience and your video has allowed me to identify that dread as being a Doer, and I feel like I can go forward now to a therapist for help connecting

[@raya3087]

While I was watching this video I recognised every member of my family in these trauma responses and immediately started doing a list of things I could do to help them. I couldn't diagnose myself at first, but when I re-watched the video and saw the to-do list in front of me I literally slapped my forehead. It all makes sense now, I'm a doer

[@jillainenewman1358]

I really relate to a lot of your experiences, Patrick. My family scored a smoking 84 on your family toxicity scale. I was a parentified child, though; I basically "raised" my severely mentally ill mother. Now 52 with a lifetime of "Ghost" behavior behind me, your videos are helping me to finally heal. Thank you for all you do!

[@Vonusias]

❤

[@Tripartritesole]

First KZbin comment I ever totally related to lol

[@madelinefriedman8618]

We're in the same neighborhood. I scored an 88.

[@Mee-cr3qq]

I'm so grateful for these videos! I'm 61 my sister is 70 and my mom and dad ate 90. We are watching them together and so much healing is happening for us ❤

[@melodelight206]

That is beautiful ❤

[@Rain9Quinn]

Wow❤❤❤

[@shirleyann245]

How amazing ❤

[@simonanardi4312]

❤️

[@TulipLotus]

I wasn’t expecting to have such a emotional response to this video but as soon as I recognized myself, I broke down. Feels so good to see myself but the instant sorrow I feel for past versions of myself is so real.

[@sheriricci7589]

My trauma therapist recommended you, it has been incredibly helpful as I struggle in this healing journey, it helps me during the week, I really appreciate the ways in which you help educate us. Because of my trauma. It is critical for my brain to understand what is going on so my heart can continue to heal. This journey is not for the faint at heart! Thank you!

[@DianeLee999]

You’re so right! It takes real courage to revisit the troubled place of a toxic family. One thing I know to be fact: The only way out is through. ❤️‍🩹

[@saiki3603]

This is one of the hardest things ive ever had to do in my life and im only 20 lol. I will complete this journey one and you will as well .i hope any on their healing journey heals completely or enough

[@DianeLee999]

@@saiki3603 Our journey is never complete. Yet for every bit of hard-won progress, I have experienced joy from my remembered self sweeter for the time away. Happy journey ❤️‍🩹

[@Willhierkeinennamen]

Going through the comments is currently really soothing because what he said was kind of getting to me. I recognize it. But it is also kind of beautiful that there is something that wants to be recognized and it being a good thing. Thank you for the encouragement.

[@mikelobrien]

Thank you, Patrick. Some hard truths here about who we've become when we were once happy little kids. I find therapists to circle back to loving and forgiving the abuser way too early. I also can't discuss with others who wear their ability to forgive like a badge of honor. I wish people would realize that we're all on a unique journey with its unique outcome that happens on its own unique timetable.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Thank you!

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

Precisely! Forgiveness timeline has been one of my biggest emotional pet peeves over the years.

[@sarahrobertson634]

I don't think anyone should ever forgive abusers.

[@sarahrobertson634]

@@4Mikes4Mindset4 I'm not going to forgive anyone.

[@MsClaudz]

oh my goodness :O is this quite a typical american counselling style (the forgive your parents type thing?) I see this repeatedly on all these cptsd posts. I dont know if I just got lucky but I've never had this attitude from therapists, not at the beginning, not at the end. When I told my last therapist i had cut contact with my mum he beamed and said this was heartwarming wonderful news! He was delighted for me because he recognised how far i had come even tho he never suggested i cut her off. friends yes have suggested i should repair my relationship with her (err. ok i would try but she's so far gone mentally, it's not even safe to be around her so, thanks useless friend), but generally now they're the people I'm not good friends with and my good friends are the ones that arent scared to hear my story, even if they've never been through it themselves.

[@NotAnExtraterrestrial]

“Don’t take this as ‘just be positive’ it’s obnoxious.” Thank you for pointing that out. Trauma and depression as well as anxiety is hard to work around and it’s not just a ‘pull yourself up by the bootstraps’ moment, it’s that you have no more bootstraps to pull on, and you need time and a professional guiding you through your issues.

[@hbennett5640]

Well said❤.

[@user-bn6oy5br3c]

And healthy support humans ie like, actual healthy friendships. Which idk about you but I have no idea how to make🫤

[@kezzokav5905]

This guy sees into my soul! What an exceptional insight and understanding of childhood trauma. Thank you

[@josh34578]

34:00 "Ghosts can think that just showing up is good enough to be known." Oof! That hits close to home.

[@ruththerabbit]

😩😩😩 seriously

[@lapanthanim]

Same, and I only realized it recently (in the last few months) myself. 😅

[@Hemlocker]

I had that exact realisation recently through therapy... For so long, I was convinced that just showing up was enough to communicate my intents and desires, and would often get frustrated when people seemed to not understand or know me. It's actually crazy how perfectly the ghost describes me.

[@Muhluri]

He read us like a damn book 🤣

[@casstay4499]

They are lucky I showed up. I can assure you there was about 20 other places I’d rather be.. (You know hunkered down under my covers for a Netflix binge) Shhh… Don’t tell anybody😂

[@kelliemontgomery5352]

As a trauma therapist I am grateful for your channel. I have discussed your videos with many clients. I continue to learn as well! Thank you 😊

[@Faith_Chi]

Hi Kellie, I'm training to be one. I appreciate Patrick's insightful videos. 🐦

[@susanmeadows627]

I've always felt like a weirdo. As a child as a teenager as a young adult and now at 65 I still feel like that and don't understand why I'm even taking up space on this earth. The only thing that has kept me here, (alive), is the dogs I've had over the years. I could never abandon them and leave them with an uncertain future. I don't matter, they do. Its all so messed up. I've been in therapy in my 30's and 40's but I didn't realize then that it was things from my childhood. I've just realized it 10 years ago when my younger sister bought things to my attention that I either buried or forgot. Praying for us seemingly normal people who just feel less than. 🙏

[@comicsans3537]

Hey internet stranger! I'm super proud of you for learning about yourself and acknowledging your hurt despite your being a bit older- it's even harder to work through this for people born pre-1990, when therapy was starting to become "ok" to seek out. You're doing awesome! Even if you don't figure it all out before your time on Earth has ended, the fact you're trying and open to whatever is there is an amazing feat

[@loveamerica3426]

I think you matter Susan ❤

[@susanmeadows627]

@@loveamerica3426 thank you. ❤️

[@susanmeadows627]

@@comicsans3537 thank you!❤️

[@goldwater1984]

I think you matter, and so does God. He put us here for a reason.

[@888dreamersbag]

I resonate with all the 5 types of trauma personalities but it really feels like they were like stages in a row thank you

[@ro6384]

i also feel i have very strong attributes of all five. I'll have to rewatch a few times to try to narrow it down.

[@yoonaeji]

I was 3, playing with the shadows under my blanket, pretended to take my afternoon nap just to make my mom calm and quiet. I remember it so clearly. Because I still adjust my self to every situation. I cut myself to fit the puzzle. I'm now 31, it is 3.30 am here and I'm watching this with my shadow friends. If I said I'm alone, shadows would hurt.

[@yoonaeji]

I sound too serious but actually laughing now because I don't know how to be sad.

[@squirrelsyrup1921]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Shadows are not jealous, and if they are really your friends, they will want you to have more.

[@emyyyxx]

very poetic, hope you find peace ❤

[@hbennett5640]

...adjust myself to every situation....this was so me.

[@AndreiYoLo]

this is wierd, the thing about: "imagine others who dont understand that, they will one day see it and understand it" fells like mind blowing thing, but its wierd in that own way, and btw, imagine a shadow helping you more then a human who is your own blood... wierd right? some will say crazy some will say imposibile but now, last thing... imagine the shadow is more real like for real then the humans who are programed npcs... yea see it, the reality will fall off pretty fast, sometimes i hope they were right at saying crazy or imposibile.

[@Valeria-sx7uv]

I guess I needed a video exactly like this. Since learning about C-PTSD and how not okay my childhood really was, I asked myself how much of my favourite things and hobbies based on my own preferences and how much on escaping traumatic stuff... PS I guess I am a Doer (my parents are Doers and survivors themselves) and The Are we good? Eh, not surprising, but still kinda painful. Honestly, sometimes doing stuff really help, like taking shower in the morning, even if you under shame attack again... Of course, it is not a good idea to run from your feelings and abandoning yourself again and again, like your parents had done...

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

That's a beginning place 👍

[@carolnahigian9518]

you named Every Sibling in the Family Tree! very Educational.

[@littlehonu]

I also was diagnosed with PTSD and with a personality disorder…. When I saw this video, I couldn’t believe it was all related to upbringing

[@SurprisedPika666]

The people pleasing one was so accurate that it hurt. I used to have this delusional belief in childhood that being nice and well-behaved would "save the family" (my exact words) I was practically my father's slave with how much I did to make sure he never got angry. It killed my personality. I became a doormat that no one respected. Even my closest friends and family casually put me down even to my face. I tried to fix this and overcorrected into the hostile one then forced myself back into people pleasing. I will continue the struggle to improve Thank you for this video, it was a wake up call that I definitely needed.

[@Mpathy77]

Best of Luck! I'm also realizing how bad my self-denial and people pleasing is, and how the resentments I have lately for my mom and my hostile partner are a sign that I need to stand up for myself! I have needs and rights!

[@tiatsele]

I can relate

[@redrose-wb4bw]

@@Mpathy77me too. I hope you get to a place of acceptance and peace.

[@uhohvnasty]

Pat says he doesn't typically see the fawn/fight combo. But that's me too. I'm happy to see someone who can relate in these comments, but you have my empathy. I know how confusing and chaotic it is to be this way. Lots of love.

[@nebulaone908]

Same here.

[@jadecatcosplay5362]

Super insightful video! Although you said you don't see how an "All Good" could also be a "Hostile", I'd like to offer my viewpoint. I feel like for me I'm constantly striving for that peace and protection, but when something falls through or it feels like someone is disappointed in me or "attacking" me, I'll usually get very defensive. However when I was younger I would usually try to shoulder all of the blame. Maybe I traded one coping mechanism for the other! Not sure if this makes sense, but I just wanted to give my insight on how an All Good and a Hostile could kinda go together

[@triciaknox7824]

As a parent, I worry a lot about what traumas my children may develop though my parenting. I came out of a dramatic childhood. I know my parents were not great parents, narcissistic and disinterested. Yet I know that it was because of their own childhood trauma. So, I’ve come to realize we do the best with what we have. I am working on parenting better, and though I believe I am, I know that my kids will still have their own traumas. Especially when your kids personalities are so different, trying to parent each of them according to their emotional needs can look different. Not too mention when you’re still working through your own triggers.

[@TetyanaS-vi7gx]

I feel the same about parenting my own children

[@sharondoan1447]

My exact concerns . As a person damaged by childhood trauma, for life, surely I have carried that into my own parenting. How could it be otherwise?

[@plantyfan]

Same. And knowing that as I'm concurrently healing myself, my children are having vastly different experiences even from one another. My oldest has gotten all the worst mistakes and notices that we treat the youngest differently because *now* we understand more about childhood development and defer to positive parenting whereas the oldest only got the default parenting based on the shitty things we learned.

[@jen-dy6tm]

Same. was so focussed on not being like my parents I probably made huge mistakes and fear that instead of breaking the cycle, I just sort of spray painted it a nicer color.

[@sharondoan1447]

@@jen-dy6tm Exactly! I basically have only insecurities about everything I ever touched.

[@mimiloriya5436]

I can relate so much to the "Are We Good" and the "Ghost". Every slight disagreement with another person makes me feel like they are going to hate me forever, so I'm always busy trying to shut out those emotions. I sent a text to someone years later apologizing for probably having seemed childish in a conversation. Whenever someone seems only slightly off during a conversation, I immediately feel like I ruined our relationship and try to think of what I did wrong so I won't do the same mistake again and I can somehow fix this. I went to a therapist, because I know that my fears are irrational (I think?), but I couldn't tell her anything. I wanted her to ask me the right questions so that I wouldn't have to start telling her something that might not even matter. We just sat there for half an hour every week and said nothing except for a greeting. Social interaction is very exhausting for me and I wish there wasn't any need for it. I also really wish someone could read my mind, just like you said. Sometimes I want all my decisions to have already been made so that I don't have to. Usually I just live my life by "can't fail when I never tried" out of a fear of rejection or failure, so obviously I appear lazy (and maybe I am just that). People don't believe me when I say I am socially awkward because of the conversational rules I basically just learned by heart and am now repeating everyday while smiling. The smile is real, but it's because I am succeeding in not making anyone dislike me in a normal conversation and not because of anything that's being said, for the most part. This text is such a mess. And I'm sorry for writing so much.

[@anamelessartist]

Thank you for sharing! ❤

[@opticalraven1935]

I can relate.

[@828vee]

Wow, this looks like something straight out of my diary. Seriously, I related to every word. it’s actually relieving to know that this isn’t just a me experience. I hope one day we both can break the shell and return to our true selves before the trauma set in.

[@annadonahue4119]

I think I understand your comment, and I have to agree with you. TY for sharing. Expressing your feelings about this has helped me gain clarity on some of my own challenges 🌟🦋

[@MetalxxDragoness]

Bless you. I am a 541 maybe a little 3 and have closet hostility that I rarely share always asking for a second opinion is it okay to be mad about so and so. Always feel like I am gossiping because I have to ask people if they think I'm being irrational. Don't know how to label, feel or handle my emotions. I think I will try to find a 12 step program as suggested and hope I can stick with it. I know I am not living my best life, like this. I genuinely want other people to be happy and I want to be happy too. It took me 25 minutes to write and erase rewrite this response. Ugh

[@PaulMercedes]

I didn’t know the “Are we Good” is a thing…I’ve just always been told I’m “way to nice for my own good”. My insomnia is riddled with racing thoughts of every conversation I’ve had and will have over the week. This causes bi monthly exhaustion from the anxiety and i become a ghost for at least 2-3 days every month or so. The two very much go hand in hand.

[@xenatron9056]

Hello Paul, I have been tormented all my life by those cruel inner thoughts and continually 'preparing my defence' for imaginary situations that may or may not arise. One day, out of the blue (in my head) I screamed at the voices and said... "what makes you right" and I confronted and challenged the words, grabbed hold of my own hand, stood in front of that inner hurt person and started to defend myself.. the more I said 'that is not true' I was able then to find evidence in myself to refute them. I demanded that they create a situation where they could kill me and just do it and get it over with... if I am such a scourge on humanity... get rid of me... and nothing happened, and for the first time in my life I am able to turn the volume down, and when they do speak, I say things like 'Who asked you', or thankyou for your opinion, but you do not have my best interests at heart so thanks, but no thanks and then I choose to be more of how I really want to be. It seems complex, but I did find that when something happens, it doesn't really get a grip unless I agree with that voice being against me. It is so important to identify hostile voices inside your head, call it out, corral it, tie it up, stick a sock in its mouth and make it sit in the corner until you work out how to deal with it. Once it is seen, it becomes flimsy. I hope I can help you with what I have shared, it's OK if you think I am nuts, we all have to find our own battle style... but it is a battle that is worth winning. I am loving it, being the ultimate voice inside my head ... for the first time in my almost over life!!! I don't care anymore if I am wanted or not, the fact that I wake up every morning is a clear and beautiful sign to me that LIFE ITSELF wants me here and no one or nothing can alter that fact. Cheers and all the best.

[@LizzleLeB]

OFFFFF - you are so precise, specific, detailed and well articulated. Blimey. Thanks for outlining them so clearly

[@tinavogel7966]

I grew up in a hostile, chaotic household with domestic violence between my parents. Typing that statement at age 44 is hard. My parents are still together and don't ever address what our lives were actually like growing up. I have been a mess my entire life with anxiety wnd panic disorder. Feeling eternally grateful for this channel and everyone here. It makes me know that I'm ok and my story is real. I felt like i was in an alien world when i would go to friends houses that weren't toxic when i was a kid. I'm finally coming to terms with how traumatic my childhood was. Celebrating four years sober this month as well. I watched this channel when i decided to get sober and throughout my journey. You have helped me more than words can say. ❤

[@GenuineEncountersCo]

Congrats on your sobriety! Wishing you all the best❤ your story definitely resonates with my upbringing. Learning to heal when no one even acknowledges there was ever a problem is tough

[@heatherharper3406]

@@tinavogel7966 I hear you! AA and NA for me sober for years. Hang tough

[@karadair9221]

@tinavogel7966 A huge congrats on your achievement! I too have dealt with substance demons. It feels so good to win for a change! 💜

[@voxpopuli348]

You survived hell like I did. You need to look forward to the rest of your life. Go No Contact if they are stll alive. Put yourself first. You CAN make a good life away from them.

[@ricardavandegrootepoort4297]

❤❤❤

[@Grimsded]

I think I'm a mix of Darkness and ghost and the darkness breakdown honestly stirred up reminders of feeling hated by absolutely everyone as a child because my parents didn't bother to talk to me or comfort me (threw me into new situations without any form of support, explanation or encouragement.) and what sticks with me from that age is how everyone only had bad things to say about me within and outside my family. It was well and truly isolating and it's forced a sense of being unlikeable as an adult. Eye opening video as always.

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

It sounds like you were a scapegoat in a family that ganged up at one point. If they're still toxic, I hope you escaped them.

[@annadonahue4119]

Sadly, sometimes we have to leave our own family and oldest friends behind, perhaps temporarily, perhaps permanently, to find the self we truly feel best being when we are left to our own devices. Keep the faith. 🌟💛

[@enlightndark6671]

PATRICK TEAHAN IS A RARE GENIUS WITH COMPASSION. His descriptions of trauma personalities are so painfully beautiful! THESE REACTIONARY MASKS ARE PARTICULARY IMPORTANT IN OUR TEEN YEARS & we can ALTERNATE between many of these types during our lifetime! THANK YOU!