Wow! This was some sort of validation + eye opener.. Thanks! I don't know if I would've believed this 5 yrs ago when the video actually came out.

A good solid relationship with your partner is so important.

what then, do we do w the knowledge?

Honestly this video and the reactions are waking me up as a parent that I did more than I have been conscious of to be a part of alienating my daughter. I believe all the crises I was overloaded by distracted my sensitivity to how she was faring in our situation. I also allowed my grief over my mother in law and my husband’s tragic deaths numb me to her perspective and feelings to the point that she no longer felt close ties me or understood. She was deeply attached to me and this produced experiences of deep gutting loss for her - that were not unlike losing someone to death. I feel absolutely that I allowed that to happen. That I tuned out. That Obwasnt connected to her in the way she here’s. That my narcissistic denial meant an emotional abandonment of her. The one that encourage her to be close to me and then so Brikett the bond! Honestly if she needs to never speak to me again I trust her. Yes the extenuating scapegoat abusing and family floggings flogging in front of my children affected them, but I put them in the situation. It doesn’t matter how brainwashed or still affected by trauma I was. I still didn’t do what my child needed. I wasn’t what age needed and became egocentric and left her. I’ll continue with this broader perspective in therapy and attempt to spread the word that parents need to become more conscious. Thank all that’s good and constructive that gone are the days of authoritarianism. That kept parents blind. It truly was the ignorance that for those running the show made parents blind to held to honest account. And just because my younger kids are in opposition doesn’t mean my daughters experiences are not valid. We are each raised by a “ different” parent in different experiences because life changes. So her experiences are completely an utterly authentic. She’s the oldest child and had too much responsibility heaps on her also. I have a lot more to learn.

Wow. It got dark a couple of hours ago and Ive been a bit confused why I suddenly felt really low. The mention of keys in the door brought back the memory of my alcoholic father coming home in the evening. He worked at a colliery and had all his home and work keys in one big bunch. I remembered the sound of his keys jangling and the door unlocking, and I felt an anxiety and dread in the pit of ny stomach. I think when I was a kid I just got used to feeling trapped and scared.

Starting very young, it was my role to be my mother's invisible audience to listen to her talk. Even as a small child, I could see that the roles were being reversed. When we got a TV (back in late 50's) I remember seeing Sleeping Beauty and I had nightmares of my mother being the wicked witch.

This was exactly what my relationship was like with my mother. It really sucks. I still don't feel like a daughter to this day. I feel like I still have to mother her.

Spot on!

This made me cry

This needs BETTER SOUND, by CLOSER MIC PLACEMENT! It's full of room reflections, audio and digital data compression. Close Mic is Good Mic. Get over your clingy-clothing sensitive self; try a headworn. kay, thanx -sensitive

At least you haven't wasted their time.

I’ve been doing ketamine tx for 6 months to help heal my CPTSD (after 10+ years of therapy that helped my anxiety/depression, but didn’t resolve PTSD symptoms from childhood trauma), and your content has been invaluable for my healing. My most recent session, it finally clicked on the deepest level of Self that I cannot ‘fix’ my mom’s decision to stay with my abusive stepfather. No matter how much therapy I do, or support I try to provide to her, I finally recognized that he poisoned my entire childhood, and I refuse to let his toxicity poison my present life too. I’ve thought I’d reached the “fck it” point before, but I finally felt a sense of peace with the burden lifting as I accepted it on the deepest level. Thank you as always for helping to facilitate healing for us fellow survivors ❤

Sending this to my therapist 😂

I get squirrelly about it because for my entire life the only time I've heard that I'm cute, interesting and have something to offer - is from predatory men.

Not my parents but my ex. I have been helping my adult children with this, though. I'm glad they get counseling, because they feel disloyal talking to me. It is easier to hear things from someone who is unrelated.

With my parents, it was "You shouldn't be here at all."

I was the sacrificial lamb that my family gave to my great grandmother so none of them would have to deal with her

From the moment this movie debuted and I saw this scene, I screamed in horror internally, holding my breath with each word, verse, chorus and swirl of the mother’s cloak; it was as if Walt Disney himself had been spying on me and my completely chaotic childhood, including the secretive dysfunctional relationship I had with a “doting mother.” The portrayal in this movie captured how effective mom-martyrdom can be in controlling her children with timelessly traumatizing, developmentally destructive, emotionally stunting, mentally maddening, masterfully manipulative, physically frightening, shame enshrining and ALL-encompassing fear of the ultimate failure: mom being left alone to face and live out the choices and consequences of her own adulthood. Wanting a sense of self (a normal part of human development) is viewed as the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL. This Disney mom’s song nailed it! 😢 ❤️‍🩹 I always said I would use this song (and the movie as a whole) to illustrate my experiences and why my adult relationship with my dear elderly mother, whom I love very much, is so very complicated… #unlessyoulivedityoudontgetit🤷🏽‍♀️ Thank you, Patrick, specifically for the work that you do/what topics you have chosen to focus on. You are very brave!

I feel that I was the bully to my sister growing up 💔 it feels like a blur like there was no reason behind it… how do I apologize

The "it's not confidential" one also seems to apply to parent influencers. There are so many parents who talk about and show their children's lives online for entertainment and views. It makes me so uncomfortable because the parents take away the kids' autonomy to share *with the whole world on the internet*. And some of these influencers say the same BS that abusers do: "I'm his mother and I know what's best for him." I shudder seeing family influencers who don't respect their kids because they also end up making money from the abuse and toxicity. I had a nosy parent, but I never felt safe actually sharing. My parent wanted to know what was going on in my life, but they didn't actually end up protecting me from online predators when I was a child and teen. I'm still angry about being surveilled without actually being safe or protected.

Also known as covert emotional incest - treating your child like a friend, partner, therapist, emotional support child, etc. and enmeshment - lack of physical, emotional, psychological boundaries. They should never have had kids.

My mother has done this to my brother and me. My brother gets it worse because she treats him like a surrogate spouse. I get all the grief because I don't want that anymore and push back. I never realized when I was younger our relationships to her were about making her feel better and regulated. I thought that was what love was but realized in my teens my full attention wasn't enough and she wasn't returning any of that love. Now I know the reality of the situation, and I'm heartbroken at how she destroyed my brother and me and how we've turned out because neither of our parents got their shit in order. My brother will never recover, but I am trying my hardest to. Ugh. Thank you, Patrick. Hang in there, survivors. Internet fist bumps all around.

87/100 Yup, that explains a lot.

From the moment this movie debuted and I saw this scene, I screamed in horror internally, holding my breath with each word, verse, chorus and swirl of the mother’s cloak; it was as if Walt Disney himself had been spying on me and my completely chaotic childhood, including the secretive dysfunctional relationship I had with a “doting mother.” The portrayal in this movie captured how effective mom-martyrdom can be in controlling her children with timelessly traumatizing, developmentally destructive, emotionally stunting, mentally maddening, masterfully manipulative, physically frightening, shame enshrining and ALL-encompassing fear of the ultimate failure: mom being left alone to face and live out the choices and consequences of her own adulthood. Wanting a sense of self (a normal part of human development) is viewed as the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL. This Disney mom’s song nailed it! 😢 ❤️‍🩹 I always said I would use this song (and the movie as a whole) to illustrate my experiences and why my adult relationship with my dear elderly mother, whom I love very much, is so very complicated… #unlessyoulivedityoudontgetit🤷🏽‍♀️ Thank you, Patrick, specifically for the work that you do/what topics you have chosen to focus on. You are very brave!

Thank you for that. I listened like I did when I was a child.

“Fighting the good fight with a parent” 😏☹️🥺

Oldest girl- taking care of siblings in a not good enough way because I was a child as well. They are the main character. Isn’t EVERYONE there for them

I’m so sorry your dad said that to you, I hope your feeling better now ❤

Amen ❤

I even know the story of how I was conceived, with the extra details that I really didn't need to know at 4 and thought all my childhood. My mum didn't have filters

Must be nice

As a parent that is now under a no contact position, I find this offensive. Parents are not perfect. We make mistakes. There is no manual for how to be a perfect parent. Toxicity is how an individual perceives the behavior of another person. I respect my child’s right to go no contact. Nothing in this video mentions the pain, loss and mourning of the parent who has loved a child for decades to have them toss you away like you are garbage. We are all here doing the best we can with the life we are given. I have talked to my daughter about my personal trauma to only have her toss it back at me insinuating I deserved the trauma. I live a quiet life and keep people at a distance. I opened up to her and she threw it back in my face. Perhaps it’s not the parents who are toxic.

Glad to see then lately I've been checking my feelings by questioning if it's happening currently

If the parent has done nothing to address misdoings by behavior correction in the present.. that’s the only healthy way.. my parents both changed and apologized and feel terrible guilt, and now I have a good relationship with them. I still keep healthy boundaries and I openly tell them is what they are doing is triggering or hurtful and I think that’s what has helped me so much in my healing. If they had not changed or took responsibility i would have stayed no contact too