ISTDP - Self-Criticism & Disorganised attachment | Dr Sia

  Рет қаралды 4,499

Dr Sia

Dr Sia

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 43
@fringbabyross4718
@fringbabyross4718 Жыл бұрын
I couldn’t understand for the life of me why the woman I was seeing (with FA disorganized attachment) was so upset and ruminated about the previous guy that she said was abusive and narcissistic. Would tell me I was the nicest guy she met and no one else ever treated her so well. Always told me I would deserve better and she would hurt everyone she cared about. I would have done anything for her and her child and loved her with kindness and patience. Yet she rejected me, got drunk over the abusive guy, then jumped on a dating app. But every time I’d say I’d just go away then is when she’d come back around and say she was terrified of living without me and my son but yet would say she didn’t want a romantic relationship in the future. She sure was available in the beginning and it hooked me. It was beautiful in the beginning. It just sucks
@kl6902
@kl6902 3 жыл бұрын
I have been in and out of therapy for 30 yrs and never learned about disorganized attachment. I felt I was both avoidant and preoccupied and I’ve always been so confused about what’s going on with me. Disorganized perfectly explains my thinking process and childhood. Sometimes I’m avoidant, sometimes I’m anxious, sometimes I feel nothing...I just feel crazy. I was raised by an extremely abusive narcissistic mother so surprise surprise 🙄 just today my therapist asked me if doing self care helped with burnout. I had no clue what she meant because in my mind, self care is what burns me out! The thought of self care triggers so much anger in me and I’ve been so so confused about why. I thought I was defiant or stubborn or lazy. This video puts so much into perspective for me. I have an intense need to reject anything good in my life and absolutely I am not allowed to care for myself or have any self compassion. That’s a big no.
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for commenting! My apologies for the late reply! I am sorry to hear that you only now see this after so many years of therapy. Maybe talk to your therapist about your discovery if you have not already!
@stormtrooper_
@stormtrooper_ Жыл бұрын
​@@drsia2323 That's been me, literally. All the things she explained above. But I never act the way disorganised act in a romantic relationship. I act like an Ambivalent. I'm just so confused.
@user-uu3wj1ji9c
@user-uu3wj1ji9c 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this post which I find really informative. I’ve done a lot of personal development and it has really helped. I’m now nearly sixty and I realise that I continue to live with disorganised attachment though now I can see it more clearly. It is challenging and at times painful. I used to be on alert all the time. I now can trust myself for the first time and I am most at ease in my own company. Though it can get lonely.. I agree with what you say that when I take healthy action it triggers my self criticism. I have a couple of people I trust and at times when I connect with one of them and open up a bit it feels great at the time but it can trigger a strong bout of self criticism and self hatred. Sometimes it isn’t so strong a reaction. It feels like I am on a wobble board trying to keep my balance so I spend most of my time alone and solitude can be a gift and feel like the best I can do for myself.. Thank you for your posts, I find them really helpful. My best wishes to you
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 3 жыл бұрын
thank you kindly for sharing about your experiences and journey so far! I am grateful for your viewership and look forward to hearing how you come along and emwhatvyou think about my other videos too!
@HenrikaArcana
@HenrikaArcana Жыл бұрын
This and the self-punishment videos opened my eyes. I had no idea something like this existed and had no idea why I had constant urge to hurt myself, self-sabotage and why I never felt good about taking care of myself. In my case it actually goes through another loop where I try to make people give me the permission to take care of myself, and if they leave it up to me, I punish myself because obviously I did something wrong to not be worthy of their concern, and I shouldn't have hoped for it either, because I should remember that I don't deserve anything good. I've tried to heal myself by almost like exorcising myself, so like causing myself immense pain on order to get it out of me and not feel anything anymore. I'm in a very healthy relationship, where we both work on ourselves and are really serious about becoming functional human beings who wouldn't have to suffer so much anymore, but every time we are moving towards a new understanding about ourselves, our relationship etc, that's actually a big leap towards healthier life, my body starts hurting physically and I often also hurt myself in order to remember I shouldn't be happy, because all the suffering in my life and in others has been caused by me, so I should be punished, not loved or celebrated or supported. I'm learning to fight against this impulse, but there's still been so much I didn't understand about it that it was hard to let go completely. These videos really help, thank you.
@paupersluck8868
@paupersluck8868 4 жыл бұрын
The best Psychologist/Doctor/Prof. youtuber on youtube. LOVE IT!
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 3 жыл бұрын
thank you
@volcomchick4989
@volcomchick4989 11 ай бұрын
This is so so so true… any time I’m doing something good anytime I’m being vulnerable.. the critic is taunting me…
@ThePyroLady11
@ThePyroLady11 4 жыл бұрын
Absolutely & it's probably the best explanation I've ever heard as to why, I stayed in a 20 year abusive relationship. I still struggle with not letting him back in. I'm in the process of trying to heal from this attachment style.
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 4 жыл бұрын
Very inspiring to hear that you are working on this! Thank you for commenting!
@micheleparadis2808
@micheleparadis2808 2 жыл бұрын
According to the videos I have watched, I seem to have both and an ambivalent and 'milder' disorganised attachment styles . One of the consequences is that I'm poor and can't afford therapy. I already feel some relief in recognising and understanding my patterns
@Whathuh86
@Whathuh86 4 жыл бұрын
I think this is why I feel guilty for saying no to people who ask me to do things that are not good for me. I usually give in, give part of what they want, or feel so guilty for "being selfish" I get depressed (anger towards myself).
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 4 жыл бұрын
That makes lots of sense! Thank you for sharing!
@rex6311
@rex6311 Жыл бұрын
Im glad i found this channel
@mudskippa8958
@mudskippa8958 9 ай бұрын
Yes it's like thinking of caring for myself feels so icky sometimes. I sometimes feel ashamed if im too happy, like it's prideful or something. Ive done great things in ny life and felt severe shame afterwards. I don't get a critical inner voice, just the feelings of ick and embarrasment.
@sudhirhebbar7363
@sudhirhebbar7363 2 жыл бұрын
thanks for explaining these complex things very well
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being here.
@universaltruth2025
@universaltruth2025 Жыл бұрын
For me I would have most self criticism or self angst maybe when I make attempts to set boundaries (which are good for me). I don’t really have too much self criticism but I do have strong negative emotions of sadness, anger & depression mostly, especially if I don’t feel well and don’t get as much done as I think I should.
@sultanarazia3907
@sultanarazia3907 2 жыл бұрын
So can a person with disorganize attachment style distance themselves from love and deny their need of affection because they think love will always hurt them?
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 2 жыл бұрын
Yes they might!
@bobakmoezziwexpert1473
@bobakmoezziwexpert1473 4 жыл бұрын
very informative video. nice work!
@marka.9202
@marka.9202 4 жыл бұрын
Indeed
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 3 жыл бұрын
Glad you liked it!
@marka.9202
@marka.9202 4 жыл бұрын
Great work Dr Sia. Thank you 👍☺️
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 3 жыл бұрын
My pleasure 😊
@marias21
@marias21 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you ❣️ for sharing your knowledge with us
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being here!
@cv5281
@cv5281 3 жыл бұрын
Hey Dr. sia, and thank you for your informative videos! I'm a bit confused when it comes to disorganized attachment and fearful avoidant. Are they the same?
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Thank you kindly! The two are not exactly the same as the research basis and teams were different and the observations different and the names therefore differ. Many see them as the same however and many including myself believe that the disorganized label is more accurate and scientifically valid. I hope that helps.
@cv5281
@cv5281 3 жыл бұрын
@@drsia2323 Thank you for your answer, now I'm a bit wiser :) If you were to recommend one book on attachment, which one would it be?
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 3 жыл бұрын
@@cv5281 the handbook on attachment
@avonleamontague2469
@avonleamontague2469 3 ай бұрын
Hmm... I don't know if this one fits for me. If I've done that it's subconscious and inaccurate.
@fringbabyross4718
@fringbabyross4718 Жыл бұрын
So basically if you abuse them and mistreat them then they feel “safe” and if you love them, give space, be patient and kind…they don’t feel safe ? This sure makes a lot of sense now.
@universaltruth2025
@universaltruth2025 Жыл бұрын
I am certainly more used to being treated badly (ignored, disrespected) than well.
@whiterobin01
@whiterobin01 2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Sia, is Disorganized Attachment only developed in childhood? I have a partner who says he recognizes himself as one, but his childhood does not line up with the common households that create this attachment style.
@drsia2323
@drsia2323 2 жыл бұрын
Yes it is only developed in childhood except for extreme circumstances such as intentional prolonged torture etc. He might not be disorganized. But assuming that he does that have attachment style, people are not the most reliable reporters of childhoods. After all, we only know what we are allowed to know. Consider a patient of mine who thought that never being paid attention to was normal for a child and reported, despite this severe neglect, that he had wonderful parents. He only realized that he experienced neglect when he started paying more attention to self and contrasted that with childhood experiences. For many reasons such as these, therapy is the best place to discover the truth about the now and the past. I hope that helps put things in perspective. Thank you for commenting.
@brittany292
@brittany292 2 жыл бұрын
@@drsia2323 can this develope when you have one parent that worked night shift and slept all day,(also abandoned your family to have an affair for a while) and never played with you in early childhood and one parent that sometimes played with you but mostly just did what they wanted to do and you were mostly on your own.? And Also being raised in a high control religious group?
@purplemoonlight17
@purplemoonlight17 Жыл бұрын
This attachment style developes when the child percieves his/her caregiver as scary and not safe. Safety being defined in physical, mental and emotional way. There is no need for major abuse or trauma. If the parent is scary enough, mostly the child will develop the "I am unsafe", "I am abandoned", "I can't trust" ... core wounds.
@whiterobin01
@whiterobin01 Жыл бұрын
@@purplemoonlight17 thank you for that!
Neglect in Childhood and Disorganized Attachment
13:59
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 34 М.
НИКИТА ПОДСТАВИЛ ДЖОНИ 😡
01:00
HOOOTDOGS
Рет қаралды 3 МЛН
SISTER EXPOSED MY MAGIC @Whoispelagheya
00:45
MasomkaMagic
Рет қаралды 19 МЛН
2 MAGIC SECRETS @denismagicshow @roman_magic
00:32
MasomkaMagic
Рет қаралды 19 МЛН
Will A Basketball Boat Hold My Weight?
00:30
MrBeast
Рет қаралды 126 МЛН
Ambivalent attachment and treatment with ISTDP | Dr Sia
15:31
This is How You Can Counteract Negative Thoughts (Morning Routine)
16:26
How A Narcissistic Parent Affects Attachment
31:23
Patrick Teahan
Рет қаралды 410 М.
HOW I went from ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT to SECURE...and you can too.
20:46
Margarita Nazarenko
Рет қаралды 1,5 МЛН
Insecure Attachment Linked to CoDependency and Addiction
56:46
Doc Snipes
Рет қаралды 1,1 МЛН
ISTDP - Self-Criticism & Avoidant attachment | Dr Sia
7:20
Learning Self-Regulation Through Self-Attunement
16:52
Heidi Priebe
Рет қаралды 410 М.
Disorganised attachment and the cycle of abuse Dr Sia
12:19
11 Oddly Specific Childhood Trauma Issues
39:03
Patrick Teahan
Рет қаралды 4,8 МЛН
НИКИТА ПОДСТАВИЛ ДЖОНИ 😡
01:00
HOOOTDOGS
Рет қаралды 3 МЛН