Disorganized Attachment & Cycle of Abuse - Video 2 | Dr Sia

[@heavensmilesonyou]

Disorganized attachment person here. I’ve done a fair amount of healing and grief purging. I’d like to learn more about the anxiety of being around safe people. I think I get suspicious of “nice” people. They must want something from me

[@critter_paws]

Over and over and over for all 35yrs now. Spot on

[@SSSweetPeach]

As someone with CPTSD and disorganized attachment - I resonated with everything you said. It’s very confusing. The inability to trust - even our own red flag / danger detectors, is strong 💪 but at the same time the desire to trust another is equally strong. Sometimes even more so, which leads to the destructive cycle continuing.

[@vicg2938]

Can you talk about/do a video on the different ways to regulate your anxiety?

[@sirrantsalott]

I’d also like to add: you are spot on about the innate nature to avoid healthy people and safe circumstances. I was this way until I started my journey (I unconsciously have strong narcissistic traits that has left me emotionally crippled and alone). I have chased money and the wrong women to win my narcissistic mother’s fleeting and conditional love. Don’t waste your time and money on superficial people and pursuits, you’ll soon realize you wasted your life for nothing, as it was for me. Now I accept that my mother is personality disordered, a construct which is fully supported by her over-zealous and illogical religious beliefs, including coming from a culture that seeks perfection through codependent strategies, where abuse and have-have-nots each have become their own personality. My birth mother stole millions from my father’s estate, effectively disinheriting all of my father’s legitimate children, including her own. After my father passed away this year, she has done nothing but lie and has coerced her own birth children and brother to protect her in this fraudulent activity. I left the family for good after that.

[@Itssimplyaisha]

Thank you for this. I’m trying learn a much as I can

[@Jassyladyy]

This was a video I didn’t even know I needed. I’m now understanding myself in a more deeper way and videos like this are apart of that journey. Thank you so much for studying this subject in depth to the point where you can clearly explain what’s going on in millions of us. God bless you & may your knowledge and wisdom continue to grow as you continue to be apart of our healing process. 🙏🏽

[@Portofairy]

Amazing!!! Bravo ❤

[@oromtitiwbo5078]

Dr Sia, can you tell me how to determine if a person is "safe"? therefore trustworthy or not? this is truly making my anxiety shoot through the roof. I am even writing things down, analyzing and double checking just to make sure my perception matches reality rather than having paranoid distrust. if the abuser masks as "safe", communicative and open, and the to be determined person is difficult to read and non communicative or open, it registers as "unsafe" to me. I cannot trust myself to read others anymore and I definitely cannot trust others. it is causing me major distress.

[@critter_paws]

I'm really struggling with the same thing rn. I've been in so many terrifying and dangerous situations with people that I thought, with much scrutiny, were some of the best ppl I had known. Strangers as well but I see the issue there. I isolate to a pretty extreme degree already but I don't think that's good either and I want to just go full hermit but that isn't healthy either. I actually asked a person, who may end up being dangerous himself, just yesterday if he would help me spot actual dangerous ppl but I'm struggling with trusting that person rn as well as he recently over stepped some serious boundaries.

[@lindadunn8787]

In my opinion, doing attachment work is only possible to even consider after more than five years of DBT and a crash course in Transactional Analysis and some playing around with Internal Family Systems. Thank you for this educational opportunity.

[@paupersluck8868]

very informative on the cycle of abuse 💚

[@volcomchick4989]

Yess I have a partner who wants to begin a life with me and I am terrified beyond belief

[@giovannahenery4725]

Hello, I’ve been sitting on this question for a while, so my apologies for it being so late after this was posted: If disorganized attachment is, in short, a blend of ambivalent and avoidant, and they don’t feel like they can internally regulate, then why do they then attempt to control other people if they are also avoidant and would not trust an external person regulating them? I think I am missing something. Also, thanks so much for these videos. They are very helpful.

[@rukminisuri7754]

Dr Sia, can you do a video on how to deal with a friend who is unaware of his disorganised attachment style? There is a pattern I noticed. He would share very personal things , be very friendly and then suddenly behaves very cold and stops communicating. Its a cycle. I can't totally avoid communicating coz we work at same place. Thank you.

[@keirajones8772]

Can you explain how it self sabotage the relationship plz

[@Tahra.xoxoxo]

I have a question regarding a friend who has a disorganised style. He cannot get away from abusive ex due to shared young children, and this will be the case for 10 years ish. If the first principle is to get safe and he can't, what can he do? I'm concerned for him. Thx for reading.

[@AmieChampagne-Dultz]

Why would my husband who has this attachment just walk out on me? Haven’t heard from him since

[@matthewroller5412]

There is not much you can do but just hope they work on themselves it's their own fears they project onto you that causes them to leave. Best thing you can do is just leave them be and they might come back it sucks but it's the truth.

[@sandraachieng2285]

how can it be treated at the step by step level

[@Kimmchampagne]

Thank you for this video !! Glad to have found your channel. As I am in the process of self healing for the sake of my relationship

[@drsia2323]

My pleasure! Hope you mend well!