It's Not Your Fault You're Behind In Life - A Software Engineer's Struggle

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for all the love and support-it truly means the world to me. I’m doing my best to reply to as many comments as possible, and it’s been an honor reading your thoughts and stories. Stay tuned for new videos-I’m planning a follow-up to this one on how to handle and forget bad memories when they surface. Thank you for liking and subscribing-it means so much!

[@sakurad49]

Defo relate to this, amazing dude thank you

[@elitemick290]

keep it up bro :) love your vids

[@ernestoveramaldonado5440]

I feel exactly like what you felt, thanks for sharing your knowledge man

[@anwarxv9279]

So out of your 18 years you lived under your father care and generosity you remembered subjectively two bad ones? So why did not you apply the same concept on your dad? I.e when he was young he came throughout traumatic situation which engraved in him a personal life view which in turn made his actions as a little bit aggressive and controlling? Maybe some neglect and softness for his parents made him go so much pain and chances wasting so he made it in his mind he will never let his son suffer this?

[@purdysanchez]

Some of the high level programmers I've met have Dunning Kreuger. They're overly confident about anything and everything. But you are not that. Self awareness is much more important than the Amazon ideas of "be right" all the time.

[@youMatterItDoesGetBetter]

Don’t worry too much, just got all my shit together at 34, graduated and got diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I’m healthy and body build. Absolutely no cancer in the family. Shit happens, what’s it all for? Update: I’m selling my life and moving to Thailand to live on a beach for a couple of years. Fuck it. Update 2: posted my first raw KZbin video to document this journey. Don’t judge me too hard, I did not script anything lol.

[@randalllionelkharkrang4047]

That absolutely sucks bro. But I can tell you got that warrior mentality. you'll able to get through this. My best wishes to you man.

[@dreamsbyte]

Sorry to hear that, your attitude is very brave. Fuck money, live the rest of your life. We can't take it with us.

[@thebunsenburner]

Whether things work out for you or not, I hope you go out putting your best foot forward. That's the goal (at least for me). Hope the doctors were wrong and that things work out. Either way, godspeed, fellow struggler 🫡

[@acs1602]

Im so sorry and heartbroken to read your story,we must understand that life here on earth is not forever, we never know when our time comes, but one thi g is certain,we all will die here, what is the point then you ask? This life is just a filter,there is another one,as an ex atheist I can tell you,a Godless life is miserable there is no hope,also, it ignores the obvious evidence of God God allowed this(didnt say He caused this) so you turn your sight on him only,on Jesuschrist ,and understand that you most probably have been loving earthly things more than the eternal blessings that are prepared for the believers next life So,I would advise you to read the gospel.of john and give your life to Jesuschrist, he can heal you supernaturally,ive seen that before,but in case that even doesnt happen,you will have eternal life We should repent of our sins and accept him as our Lord God and saviour,there is hope for you,He loves you and wants to save you from yourself,as he did to me years ago,you have a purpouse,even in the desert,in pain,in death 2 Corinthians 4:17 Our suffering is light and temporary and is producing for us an eternal glory that is greater than anything we can imagine Sin is the reason all bad things happen in the world,it is fallen,not his fault,but God will come back to restore everything,right now it is filtering real believers from false ones,so he is giving more time for people to repent God bless you and I really Hope you find peace with Jesuschrist, just pray to Him so you can know him,you need your spirit healed and alive before your body,the body wears out,but the spirit is eternal,pray for a personal encounter woth him rather than healing,the latter might come later,eternal life is more important

[@itachisolosmadara]

Dang bro, the best thing you can do is stay true till the end no matter when that is. Sending love from Nebraska.

[@chikifree]

The fact that a person can come out the other side being a good person, says a lot about their character.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you, that means a lot. Growth is always possible 🙏

[@karlhans6678]

Unfortunately I've seen people come out of the other side being a bad person, by repeating the same trauma onto others.

[@zubinchadha6489]

@@CodingMountainMan man your face , do you have an indian brother ? an exact clone ?

[@KKH]

I think in terms of relating to others, I personally wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I have, is the example I can give for this. I personally rely on hope in the future for change

[@XyminEdits]

Yeah that's great and all but it really doesn't amount to anything. Everyone still has the same expectations. And no one really cares how you came out good despite your situation. It doesn't change a single thing

[@C40dude]

KZbin is still good place, where people can share to each other emotions and life tips.

[@harleylazy]

Was almost losing faith in that tbh

[@togowack]

Yes a weak generation is one that needs to share emotions and can't make fair assessment of their value and situation and make the drastic changes often necessary...

[@jamad-y7m]

They must have altered my Algo because I see a lot more inspiration and a lot less doomerism

[@laudennn]

bots

[@TheFlareMind]

For sure

[@grantcunningham3646]

a software engineer discovering the way his mind works. thats actually pretty poetic

[@Bolocomcafe]

Yes buddy.

[@togowack]

The drill seargent is going to say that too, soft and disconnected, which is why Elon can't handle them working for him and actually doing things that need done

[@enlightenthyself]

This is actually me 😢

[@Kurator125]

@@enlightenthyself me too :|

[@eliteleaf5305]

@@togowackdrill sergeant?

[@simisanoo5382]

I was raised to be ignored, neglected, told I shouldn't, can't and don't. Failed at everything as a depressed child until as an adult, found friends and challenged my life. Became a software developer and realised I can, I should and I'm worth it.

[@CodingMountainMan]

You are worth it 🙏

[@lucassimpson7132]

This was very poetic, great job!

[@BungieStudios]

Same until ChatGPT and my IT friends pointed out my opportunity cost was higher than I thought. I was like wtf? I allowed myself to believe the negative comments from teachers, bullies, supervisors, etc. Stuff that went beyond merely constructive criticism or feedback. I didn't truly comprehend my earned worth until recently. Once I acknowledged that, I stopped worrying and feeling left behind and people pleasing. I started taking back my life by the reigns and improving my worth. I used to ponder the commandment, "Love others as you love yourself" but how could I if I didn't even love myself? Not anymore. I understand the unique talents God gave me and the skills I worked hard to develop, and all the knowledge I've absorbed and deeds I have done.

[@badass_omelette5166]

Same as my story. My narcissistic parents don’t have much to say now. Not even anything good.

[@mehdibelaiboud9506]

Legendary KZbin recommendation

[@91722854]

internet doesn't get more real than this, especially for us folks who have been traumatized as kids, yet still have the will to do and learn great things, to still contribute to this atrocity of a society that doesn't protect children, that which are their future, their stem, without healthy children, society collapses in less than a century

[@gangstaboy9387]

Very much so! I was going to not listen to it yesterday but I kept going because it made sense

[@chrissmckenzie]

Legendary Commentary

[@projectqueenbee5529]

Check out 'This is Strategy' by Seth Godin, I'm using it to get out of the deep rut I'm in and to get a clear way forward in life. I wonder how many of us had undiagnosed learning difficulties as a result of trauma etc? I'd love to see a review from you Mr CMM!

[@spectralknights2]

Real talk

[@mobbs8229]

No loud intro music, no BS. Just pure heartfelt, authentic reflection shared here. Please make more content. Subbed.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much! I have some ideas planned to mix it up.💯

[@mobbs8229]

@CodingMountainMan oops. Auto-correct betrayed me. I meant "content" not comedy.

[@CodingMountainMan]

@@mobbs8229 I was wondering that ha.

[@mobbs8229]

@CodingMountainMan but hey, since it came up, how about this for an idea? screen shows solving some coding problem. Like "why there are different sorting algorithms in the first place, but audio is about mental health. "so what if you're in your thirties and single? we're past having society set any life milestones for us at this point..." (solving a classCastException in the background). That might be hilarious 😀

[@bluemamba5317]

@@mobbs8229 That would be a unique niche for sure, lol.

[@musicplaylist6909]

A tech youtuber that is actually posting up-lifting content. Honestly these past few years tech content has all been so toxic its so damn refreshing to see someone actually post a video to up-lift programmers out there and give some reassurance that things can change. Godbless your channel, make sure to subscribe guys.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much! 🙏 It means a lot to know the content feels refreshing. Tech can be tough, but there’s always room for positivity. Appreciate the support-God bless!

[@JD-vj4go]

Honestly if you've been working in tech for the last five or so years it's hard to be positive. Automation is replacing a lot of jobs. Offshoring, Indian contractors, and H1Bs are hammering the job market. If you can find a job wages are still good but stagnant or falling. The competition is fierce there's too many devs and IT people. The interview prep is like having a second job. And as you age the age discrimination makes finding work almost impossible. Good luck if you get laid off after about 45. First week of 2025 18,000 tech layoffs in the USA.

[@Rockyzach88]

@@JD-vj4go Makes me want to start my own company that has a slightly newer and better vision than what silicon valley _cough_ swamp _cough_ has become.

[@gangstaberry2496]

We exist!! We have to band together 💪

[@togowack]

@@JD-vj4go You should be more in demand than ever past age of 40. Of course I work in machine shops and with automation. If you just want to sit behind a computer, good luck finding any work at all

[@valentinfontanger4962]

Many of the most confident individuals I’ve encountered seem to come from stable childhoods, with the support of loving parents and the absence of financial struggles. If you weren’t born into such circumstances, you start at a disadvantage and must work hard to bridge the gap. Life is unfair, but we have no other options.

[@LinaKamergi-v7x]

That's why I waited till my 30s to have kids. It's very unfair to raise kids when you are young poor and ignorant.

[@LinaKamergi-v7x]

Most people who raised children well got their first child in their 30s I live in uk.

[@sne299]

Damn, i'm a 30yo man from France, i was never good in school, never went to highschool, i'm late on several thing education wise, i have adhd, my share of trauma, struggle and addiction, i started to learn code 2month ago, everyday it feel so hard i'm always thinking to myself wtf am i doing i can't do this i can't understand this but honestly your video gave me a new light, almost everything you said resonated with me, you have a great energy kinda like a gardener who was a warrior before entering the garden, thank you brother you did good

[@MarekPudzian-x6f]

same but i want to be a musician

[@Jakethesnakemusic]

@@MarekPudzian-x6fyou will be one

[@zakurocer2473]

You become good at what you put your energy on! So keep rocking until you make it!!!

[@WeiZhaoAI]

Senior SDE at Nvidia here, you gonna get there I promise. 🎉

[@NicolasGryman]

Courage mon pote ! 🤟

[@user-xn2wg2oe7s]

It actually is my fault that I'm behind because I was intelligent enough to know what made sense fairly early in life, but my self-esteem was so beaten down as a young adult that I didn't trust myself enough.

[@SloaneStorm]

Did you beat your _own_ self esteem down? NO! It’s never too late to start over. I’m saying this as much to you as myself as your comment resonates with me ❤

[@kamartaj3010]

Same here. Social anxiety and panic attacks ruined my confidence. Especially overthinking. If such thing didn’t happened with me than i would have done the best in my life.

[@HyperGhostTD]

Yeah so not your fault. You were dealt low self esteem. But now that you are aware of that fact you can work towards building yourself up :)

[@arrt2589]

I totally understand how you feel. I'm 21 now and I feel like every month that passes I free up myself of my own low self esteem caused by my disfuncional family. It's never too late, even if you're older than me. I totally know how it feels like something it cannot be fixed bu its not true

[@lmorejn]

Don’t blame yourself!

[@harambeexpress]

The effect stress (and PTSD) has on a child is well documented. It really does affect memory dramatically... And without memory a lot of things become really hard. You can have the chops to do the thing but you can't recall critical details when required.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Great way to word it. Thanks for sharing!

[@togowack]

We will soon know what you can and can't remember under stress, we will call the stress bullets, because the government should not have to create jobs for millions of unemployed clued out men that can't see the forest for the trees. Read history find out about the survival rate of Vietnam.

[@summero-my5in]

As much as u may try and learn something, it’s hard when you aren’t able to recall what you’ve learned bc youre under constant stress

[@Stefanune]

I can relate with those words unfortunately, any tip on valid medical treatments?

[@electronicsacademy2D2E29]

@@harambeexpress Oh my God, so true, it does affect memory.

[@Vorpsedda]

This may sound hyperbolic. But ive Been feeling disenfranchised with myself and the world for a while now. The level of aithenticity, honesty, relatability, and humanity that came from this video. Its enough to make me cry. Its so simple but yet such a powerful message. Thank you very much

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for sharing this-it really means a lot to me. I’m glad the video resonated with you on such a deep level. Sometimes the simplest messages hit the hardest, and hearing this makes it all worth it. Take care, and know you’re not alone in this!

[@funkymunky]

That's beautiful.

[@dglowned]

It's tough to find the virtues that you were looking out of for in this postmodernist world. You're not alone buddy :) We all starve for honesty

[@gangstaberry2496]

Never quit brother... God/ the universe has beautiful things in store for your future 💪🔥

[@togowack]

If you want spiritual meaning in life, dig into the bible. If you don't want to lead a depressing life of layoffs and poverty, don't choose IT. Coding is easy anyone can do it. Get to work in the machine shop and you will have no money problems. I can't understand why coders (often young people) need to get into circles and cry about problems they created. Need to grow up emotionally people

[@alex_0089]

I liked the saying "It's not your fault, but it's your responsibility.". Don't blame yourself, but the person who suffers the most from not trying is yourself. You owe it to yourself and your traumas to be happy and secure in life. Also, keep up the good work man.

[@eh7992]

Right! Blaming yourself adds insult to injury

[@saurabhjdas786]

90% of the video had nothing related to coding, but that truly was something that many software devs needed to hear. Thank you so much for describing your past and using it as an example to illustrate how cruel/kind that world can be at times for some people. Instant subbed!! Keep posting. Wishing you great health and success.

[@CodingMountainMan]

I really appreciate the kind words 🙏 More vids to come on coding concepts and life advice :)

[@saurabhjdas786]

@@CodingMountainMan Always happy to learn from an experienced person. Teachings of time are second to none ♥️🙌

[@ghostpeppered4524]

Most of the programmers I have met who make it through the first 3-5 years of industry have been through some kind of trauma or struggle in life. It's what motivates them to stay indoors, focus on building relationships with and through computers, and focus all their free time on tinkering/studying (to avoid focusing on their pain; whether it be an escape from the struggles at home, or struggles internally).

[@-biki-]

i also grew up with violence and had PTSD. I took my tech job money and used it to pursue several protocols of therapy (Cognitive Processing Therapy and EMDR being the big ones). I put all my energy into that work, it was expensive both in out of pocket costs (best therapists tend to be private) and opportunity costs (this work did not allow me to use my free time for side hustling or doing 1337code) i do feel behind. I didn't job hop, i locked down to punch my demons in the face. i didn't hustle, i needed recovery time, especially with EMDR. I didn't date until i got therapy. I do not appear competitive if you only look at my career. I am competitive, i am relentless, and my work continues. my life work is debugging the brain and the heart first, everything naturally follows after that

[@gangstaberry2496]

You are FLYING my friend 🔥🔥🔥

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thanks for sharing your journey-it’s incredibly powerful. Using your tech job money to invest in therapies like EMDR and CPT shows so much dedication. Like the saying, 'punching demons in the face,' that takes real strength and courage. Prioritizing healing over hustling or job-hopping isn’t easy, but it’s such an important step. Debugging the brain and heart first is such a great mindset-everything else will fall into place. Respect!

[@Sergio-dm3dh]

I experienced EMDR and got incredibly good results -but breaking my zero contact attitude with the aggressor, which was a terrible mistake-. What was your experience on taking EMDR? How long did you take it? I feel like I need to take it before entering a new relationship or before jumping over a new thing in my life -new work, for instance-.

[@youMatterItDoesGetBetter]

@@-biki- proud of you. I had a lot of the same, you can’t grow until you fix the internal stuff

[@-biki-]

@@Sergio-dm3dh that pretty much sums up how I think of it. EMDR is like a brain hack, it's really fascinating to me. a lot of subconscious processing occurs from it, so the brain's background processing is going into overdrive after an EMDR session. It changed the way I dreamed almost immediately. I had memories come back out of the blue. It involved a lot of raw emotion but also complex connections and recontextualizing I did it for the better part of a year, I wanted to really dig deep into a very specific memory which turned into a bundle of memories all woven together, and my brain really needed to see the tapestry. any day I had emdr therapy, well, the rest of the day was kind of shot. I wasn't unhappy afterward, it's more like my brain was very tired, time would slip by and I eventually just stopped making any kind of social plans the day of therapy, sometimes even the day afterward. i definitely wasn't dating while doing this work. I also wasn't looking for new jobs. it's a kind of digging deep that requires as firm a foundation as you can give yourself. what I love about all of these protocols is that they give you the skills to do this work solo after you have done it in a guided context. they are skills for life. not every protocol will be equally effective for everyone. EMDR involves bilateral stimulation and that changing the way your brain works real time. some people are going to be more susceptible to the effects of it than others, and I just happen to be extremely responsive to it.

[@masterprogrammer8332]

You just described my childhood. The worst thing is to grow up like this, thinking it's completely normal and we are the incompetent and dumb. I'm also a software engineer, and have 3 kids. I try to give them what I did not get growing up.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for sharing your story. You’re a champion for breaking the cycle and creating a better environment for your kids. It’s inspiring to see others change their cards and create a better future.

[@Gandora1488]

nice humble brag

[@KhalidAlenezi-123]

@@Gandora1488 You are sick

[@masterprogrammer8332]

@@Gandora1488 I wish I never had to brag about my abuse.

[@motoboy6666]

Same, 3 loving kids and a feeling that you cant cope. We do what we can

[@user-ev5rz8im2s]

People like you is what renews my hope for humanity.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much ❤️

[@Alex-hr2df]

Oh man thanks for sharing! I'm a software engineer in my 40s and I still suffer from childhood PTSD. Just yesterday my mom died. Although she loved me deeply she couldn't protect me from my dad's abuse. In fact she even caused it multiple times without intending to do so. I still have moments of intense anger at work and my colleagues are often surprised by my outbursts. I've been trying really hard to build new pathways and transform the old ones into 'countryside roads' as you say but it's much easier said than done. God bless those who choose to fight back like you. No one truly understands your pain except those who have traveled the same road.

[@mckratos06]

Pray you find peace and recovery. Difficult circumstances make us stronger n warmer people. May you find peace and acceptance. When forgiven we can find abundance and a new beginning. Take care

[@Alex-hr2df]

@@mckratos06 thank you

[@AgentSmith911]

Growing up in the 90s was rough. Maybe things are better for kids these days, hopefully.

[@voltageek]

Dude. This is amazing. I know this was not easy to record and put out there. The idea of letting grass overtake the concrete of trauma is gold.

[@tofuarts3207]

This is heartbreaking to hear. You didn't deserve it, man. No children should.

[@deffdepth824]

I experienced some traumatic events as a child, and one of the most harmful was doing homework at home. My mother would scream at me and hit me if I couldn't remember something or spelled something wrong when I was very little. This made me believe I was stupid, and I later I would avoid any peer reviews because I was afraid people would see how inadequate I was. I would only do homework in class to avoid being yelled at, which made it incredibly difficult to succeed in school. There is profound wisdom in this video that truly touched me. I wish a younger version of myself could have understood something like this, which is why I'm writing this comment. It wasn't until I realized these negative experiences were dictating so much of my life that I could do something about it. The hate or anger you feel, the helplessness you experience-these emotions can hold you back. It is really scary how convincing these experiences can be because of how deeply you believe them. Don't ignore them; that won't help. Instead, forgive, face the truth of your current reality, make a plan to accomplish something, and allow yourself to move on. I'm 36 years old, I have a degree in software engineering, and I graduated on the dean's list. This is the same person who had trouble finishing high school. It wasn't until I allowed myself to stop letting negative experiences be the only roads I knew that I was able to achieve this. Don't give up.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Wow, thank you for sharing such a powerful story. It’s incredible to hear how you overcame those early struggles and went on to graduate on the dean’s list in software engineering-that’s truly inspiring. I’m so glad the video connected with you, and your advice about facing the truth and moving forward is so valuable. Respect, man!

[@honkhonk8009]

LITTERALLY DUDE. Not a single unique experience. Lowkey this why im sexist asf sometimes. Cus I assume every women I talk to is basically my mom

[@pencilonpaper1026]

⁠@@honkhonk8009 yeah not a single unique experience. i got some bad misogyny that i dont talk about up because of my past with my mom.

[@MuAlexJS]

Its crazy how much very different experiences effect people in similar ways. I was the opposite. My parents didnt care what grades I got. I wouldnt get hit for bad grades or even told off. I was just met with an utter lack of care or interest. So now I tend to hermit and seclude myself from expressing myself

[@nonefvnfvnjnjnjevjenjvonej3384]

This made me cry. I don't know why I was recommended this video by KZbin, but it's just such an authentic video. And it really goes back to what KZbin was all about. I'm glad KZbin is resurfacing some of these smaller channels again. I For a long time tried to be very strong and I mostly recovered All of the trauma that I had as a kid But I wish I learned this message earlier and Didn't try to white knuckle my way through it. Therapy, kindness, compassion and trying to get better is really the paths which make us truly human.

[@CodingMountainMan]

You're going to make me cry, ha! 🥹 Seriously, thank you so much for sharing this-it really means a lot to hear how the video resonated with you. Therapy, kindness, and compassion truly are the keys to being human. And don’t worry, there are many more vids like this to come!

[@rniggardson]

You’re crying? 😂

[@nonefvnfvnjnjnjevjenjvonej3384]

@@rniggardson yes i did have tears in my eyes. why be mean?

[@rniggardson]

@@nonefvnfvnjnjnjevjenjvonej3384 the competition around here sure is weak! 😂

[@belofost]

After the first couple of minutes into the video, i could not feel anything but respect for you. A sincere and strong person is a rare sight to behold these times.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for sharing your experience. Truly kind words 🙏

[@manwithllama]

Certain people are born to be communicators. You, my friend, are one of those people. Keep telling stories. They are the lifeblood of our society. ❤

[@LeutnantJoker]

That's why I joined the military at 19, to get away from home and people that didn't believe in me. The military (in Germany) was the first place that both expected me to perform, but also treated me as an adult, with respect, and believed that I COULD perform and THEREFORE expected it. It was the first place that told me "no this isn't about you against everybody and everybody against you, this is about teamwork, because loners die". That career didn't work out all the way as I wanted it too, but I made it to junior officer and later studied outside to become a developer, worked on game dev and other fields. Even though the military didn't work out all the way, the things I learned there about cooperation, about public speaking, about believing in myself, about not accepting bad compromises, about speaking up when I see stuff that is going to be bad (because in the military that's not a budget loss, that's a potential death) has helped me tremendously of becoming a better guy. I learned communication, I learned teaching, and I learned that I like to be in charge of my own fate, and what people I can rely on and who I can't rely on. I also taught me about taking risks and not always taking the easy route. I taught me about my own limits (hardest lesson ever, when you find out you're not as tough as you thought you were), and about what I need in life to respect myself. When to trust authority and when to trust my own judgement against all authority. Now left the employee world 5 years ago as a freelancer and now going abroad (third time) to be an indie dev. Never taken the normal route, never listened to people telling me what won't work or what's too risky. Always gone the different way, never been a tribal person, able to cooperate, but never willing to accept shitty compromises. It's tough, and the place I started from and tons of toxic experienced in my life still slowed me down more than I like. But it's worth going you own way, one you believe in, even if you're the only one who does.

[@MrTamendez]

Word 💯. This is exactly what I did. Left toxic family for Military at 19, university, worked a bit, and then decided to just become indie.

[@jaro551]

I'm from Belgium, 21 y/o. I'm thinking of joining the military. I both love and hate the military. I want to join soo bad, yet I told myself I should never do it. Bad pay for what? Just suck it up and go study, get a degree and a stupid job. You don't want to actually go in the military. Now I'm here, 4th year in my studies. It's not that difficult yet I'm unable to. I have basically never (had to) study in my life and I just started doing Business Administration in a top 50 university world wide. Many don't finish, but never thought I'd be one of them. It's just too boring. I haven't been to a class in years (just the first few). I can't do this shit honestly, I don't even see myself working a normal job. Degrees are sooo important so I just started. Now I'm 4 years behind thinking of joining the military. I pray to god I still find the will to finish my bachelors. Many doors will open. I'd join the military if I have a degree. At least than I know (and other people!) I could have done something else, not just a loser signing his life away, but a deliberate choice. Edit: So I'm not a disciplined student, but I know I can be. Take sports for example. Studying is just something you have to do for like the first 18 years. It just makes me a loser now. Who even came up with the idea of having to sit down for 15 years on a chair, listening to teachers like a good boy...

[@jaro551]

I would like to know other's opinion on joining the military.

[@MrTamendez]

@@jaro551 You’re still young brother man. You can still finish your bachelors degree and then become an officer in the military. In the 🇺🇸 the military will finish paying for your schooling when you join their reserve officer program. The only thing is that YOU WILL BE UNDER CONTRACT. If I were to do it all over, I would go this route. HOWEVER, become an officer!!! Not enlisted. I was enlisted, totally different world. Good luck dude. Oh!! And don’t choose infantry. I was infantry. Choose something like intelligence or something with aviation. Should be enough jobs when you exit the military.

[@MrTamendez]

@@jaro551 Also, you need to be 💯 sure about joining the military. It’s no longer civilian life. If you’re someone that values their freedom (in every sense of the word), do not join. If you just want to serve your country, get some experience, travel a bit, meet some people, then I would recommend it. It’s definitely an experience. But really think about it. Because you cannot just quit your military career, you’re under contract until said contract expires. Good luck dude.

[@94carbonteg]

Engineer here. That was incredibly relatable, from what you went through when you were younger, the speed bumps it caused, and how you're overcoming it. I'm still working through it in my 30's, but this was inspirational. God bless you sir!

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you! I’m so glad it resonated with you. Keep pushing forward-God bless you too!

[@kagreen2k]

I’m almost 60. I have gone and am still going through something similar. This is some of the best advice I have ever heard.

[@nicksalvador9729]

Hello there. I am a 29 y.o man struggling with my career. I have a degree in Computer Science, but I am still trapped in entry level jobs despite having 7 yrs of experience. I've worked in everything from desk support to enterprise resource planning, to full stack development. What you said about struggling with learning until you heal is so true. I've struggled a lot with learning in the past especially during times of my childhood, youth, and young adulthood. Now all of a sudden it feels like I am eager to learn more all the time and try new things. Honestly, I've felt terrible like there is something wrong with me taking so long to think and operate like a "normal" person, but I still feel like I am behind most of my peers. Unprocessed trauma and mental health issues really are such a terrible detriment to life and living a fulfilling existence. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and helping us find hope. God bless you.

[@ASMRMuzz]

I'm 46 and felt this in my bones. Thanks for sharing and for the inspiration man.

[@CodingMountainMan]

I really appreciate you. Stay strong 💪

[@Texasgirlinacrazyworld]

Yep, same & just turned 47.....

[@varpen]

1000s times better than all the gaming and tech bro junk these days on YT, thank you for uploading

[@CodingMountainMan]

Means a lot 🙏

[@Moldawian]

Whats wrong with gaming on yt ? 😬

[@roxxxxxy]

@@Moldawian everything

[@xodnoob]

@@Moldawian Nothing, just a bunch of Twitter morons commenting on KZbin.

[@xodnoob]

@@roxxxxxy Everything in this context means nothing and also shows how detached from reality you are.

[@2235-j8l]

Wow, I really needed to hear this. I often compare myself to the accomplishments of others my age and feel really depressed and unmotivated to know how far behind I am in life compared to them. However, I’ve been learning to forgive myself and be proud of my effort rather than be shameful of the results. Thank you for sharing your traumatic experience, to see someone blossom rather than get crippled by the situation you endured is so inspiring.

[@gangstaberry2496]

Other people never tell you they have had EVERYTHING given to them... YOU are practicing resilience, because you are on a whole other level 💪

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for sharing this-it really hits home. I spent a lot of my 20s comparing myself to others and missed out on appreciating my own progress. I love how you said, 'be proud of my effort rather than be shameful of the results.' That outlook is so powerful. Keep slayin! 🔥

[@AZ-gs6hj]

I had this feeling too. Seeing those from my class in good positions at big companies. They didn’t have to deal with what I had. They had parents who went to college, who supported them the entire way. How can I compare myself to them when I had none of what they had? Not a fair comparison.

[@dmitrywebsmith4031]

Through the thorns to the stars. The difficulties on our way definitely make us stronger.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Love that saying! thank you 💪

[@fijau]

If only that was true. Recently, I had a revelation that every time I thought I had toughened up and withstood some type of suffering, I actually got badly hurt. Toughening up isn't invulnerability to suffering, but rather accepting the damage you're going to inflict upon yourself. It should be a conscious decision. Acting tough doesn't mean you don't need healing afterwards. If you confuse in with invulnerability and don't heal, that shit will build up and you'll find yourself crippled somewhere down the road. In my case, I think it will make me stronger in some way, but it definitely already broke me.

[@TheAleksandros]

@@fijau yeah, all those wounds add up and make you broken af. Hurting so bad

[@corey4448]

I like that the main point of this video is not "it is not your fault so do whatever", but that you CAN change things and become truly better and improve youself by positivity, admiration of good things in this world, and forgiveness. It's truly sad what you've been through, but we're here for you man, you are the one who makes this world a better place. thank you

[@nathandudley3959]

"That really created an experience in my heart" is the most gentle way of saying an innocent child's heart was torn apart by abusive parents.

[@33v4.]

i’m 35. got myself a dream job 4 years ago as an SE and a have been stuck, feeling like nothing’s was worth it, afraid of being fired every single day cause i just can’t perform well enough for my level, will never get promoted. demotivated and feeling worthless everyday. this was the most importantly thing i stumbled upon and it sparkled something good deep inside me, and i cannot thank you enough…. i also do bite my nails to the point of having my fingers sore even when typing on my phone. i might have been attached to trauma and maybe even avoiding to heal cause i think i’ll never be able to be someone, to really learn, to understand things. really just venting tbh. very emotional after watching this, like everyone else here, it’s amazing how youtube brought me your words today. maybe it’s worth trying. hope you have a wonderful week comrade ❤

[@gangstaberry2496]

People don't understand how much performance is affected by anxiety... You're doing amazing 🔥

[@harm991]

lol why afraid of getting fired. why want promotion ? Children and your health are all that matter - the rest is BS.

[@andre29020]

@@harm991 "why afraid of getting fired" massive lay-offs (and/or) replace SE for cheap 3rd world emploees (and/or) with ai, decrease the number of SE needed (not replaice but decrease the number of SE needed in the team)

[@breakthrough8628]

If you’re at a job and it’s difficult to keep up, I’ve been there myself, it would work for me with taking my work home and literally work in 15 1618 hour days until I had it down pat and my job at that time was a software engineering job as well C programmer low level Development For Device drivers

[@Supercohboy]

If your "dream job" is pushing you to the breaking point like you're describing, then I think you may not actually have your dream job just yet. What you're good at and like doing may not line up with your actual job position's day-to-day needs, their productivity requirements may be too high due to middle management meddling and you're effectively being worked to death due to bad company policy, the business may be doing poorly so they're cutting corners in unfair ways, etc. etc. I don't know your situation, I assume you have a certain level of self-respect and self-esteem regarding your work ethic and personal capabilities, but please be sure to not sell yourself short or self-blame when in actuality you may be working for a company that's mistreating you to save money. Especially when, chances are, there's probably a similarly-paying job run by a business that treats its' employees decently within arm's reach. It's always worth putting in minimal effort outside of work job-hunting if you evaluate your situation and find that you are being under-served as an employee. Best of luck either way. I mention all of this because it's ironic, but in my experience, the only companies that have made me feel like I was performing poorly for my position and unable to be eligible for promotion were the very same companies that were so poorly managed as to be on the verge of downsizing and general degradation. I've quit or been fired by these types of companies only to watch them crash and burn in less than 5 years numerous times, no joke. Between this and the change in work culture that makes a varied resume appear better on-paper, we're absolutely encouraged to take advantage of the "job marketplace" (while dealing with ghost jobs...) and jump ship when things start to go downhill nowadays, keep that in mind.

[@SirCobraXI]

Honestly, your deep level of reflection is a real achievement! There maybe people, who had an easier start, but we live in a society where you are encouraged to prioritize the wrong goals and it traps people who lack this reflection. I'm not sure if you have kids, but I am sure you would be a great dad to them!

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for the kind words and insight. No kids, maybe one day. Much appreciated 🙏

[@FT_-nz3nr]

didn't expect this. unbelievable timing for this KZbin recommendation. just feels so related as a 32-year-old just decided to change career path, left his grown-up family and country, and is looking for his first software engineer job. thank you for this video which gives me energy. keep uploading!!

[@CodingMountainMan]

That’s amazing timing! Big props to you for taking such a bold step-it’s not easy to change paths and start fresh. Really, that's a huge step in life so congrats! I’m really glad the video resonated with you. Best of luck on your software engineer journey, and I’ll keep the uploads coming!

[@gangstaberry2496]

Same, good luck to you!!! You've got our support 💪

[@csubakka47]

Same here, it’s just so crazy to read these comments and listening to his story. I also switched career from finance to software engineering when I was 28. In the beginning I thought screwed up my life. I started Computer Science on the uni as well. And I was just struggling with the uni, and as a junior dev. I’m 32 now I just absolved all my classes and preparing for the final exam for my engineering degree in 3 weeks and got promoted last year. It’s a rough and bumpy road, but just keep doing! You will get there!

[@MoeAdvising]

Good luck bro ! You got this !

[@gaziesh]

Same here buddy!

[@_nimrod92]

We live in a world full of abusers but its people like you that make the world a better place. Subscribed to your channel.

[@IgnoreSolutions]

This really resonated with me as I had an extremely traumatic experience with an abusive ex girlfriend about a year ago. I had my software career established at this point -- but it culminated in, unfortunately, her lying to the police and me spending 28 hours in jail. I wasn't able to return to the house that I was renting and paying (her name not on the lease obviously) for over a week and when I returned, I found so much stuff missing, thrown away, destroyed, etc. Including a painting I had made with friends. Prior to this, I was on top of my life and I was working on a game engine in my free time. After this, I've been having a difficult time staying focused and processing information, i feel like my mental capacity was absolutely destroyed and I'm still trying to get back on track. I'm falling asleep at ridiculous times and sleeping over 10 hours and still feel exhausted. It's only mildly gotten easier but I'm thankful that I was able to remove myself from the situation, get out of the house that everything happened in, and as of recently I'm in a relationship with a woman who is an absolute sweetheart and full of patience and understanding.

[@Carter9007]

Got me crying 5 minutes in. I really needed to hear this.

[@CodingMountainMan]

🙏💯

[@kelvinxg6754]

got me tear up even before i watch the video

[@artur_vasconcelos]

Me too, and the video ended and I still crying

[@sane8D]

Nice story man! I also had a similar situation, doing really hard university courses during covid, about digital design and logic synthesis. I would say maybe 70% of students were struggling on the courses, but some, under 10% of students were really performing at a really high level. I passed the course with a low grade, but it left a mark on me. Those students performing at a high level were intelligent, and from a good family background, with minimal trauma. It's important to be kind to yourself, like you said, everyone is dealt with a different hand of cards to begin with. But its also possible to heal and improve, but it takes time.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for sharing your story-it’s powerful. You’re absolutely right, everyone starts with a different hand, but the fact that you’ve reflected on this and kept going shows real strength. Healing and growth take time, but you’re already on the right path. Keep believing in yourself-you’ve got this!

[@GabrielLima-gz8zg]

I don't know this guy, but I wish him all the best.

[@ahcompsci]

That line "We will see how long your faith will last" sounds like something a Sith Lord would say. I greatly appreciate your story, and it resonates with me as I also had an authoritarian father figure. Much love and thank you for your heartfelt insights.

[@CodingMountainMan]

The only thing I was missing was a lightsaber ha. I really appreciate your kind words and glad it spoke to you.

[@ahcompsci]

@@CodingMountainMan Heck yeah brotha.

[@Sahil.1]

Man you're the senior who everybody wants thank you for speaking out your trauma it really changes people hearing you to have a second thought of this world and people

[@togowack]

THere is no trauma. There are entitled and misguided people that think software engineering is a real field that can pay bills. It isn't and those people need to own the situation get some training and head to the machine shop where there are always good jobs... grow up emotionally while you are at it

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you man for the kind words 🙏

[@pathologicusmaximus]

@@togowack OK, boomer.

[@togowack]

@@pathologicusmaximus Is it boomers fault you chose these worthless fields? I am in ME (mechanical engineering) software engineering is a basic pre requisite. I do coding all the time. It should not be a 'degree' on its own. And its your responsibility to see the future and see where the good jobs are going to be. Nobody owes you anything.

[@MgMk-r5w]

Man, this story reasonates so much with me, you have no idea. I'm a software engineer, and I like it. I've been dealing with depression for years for different reasons. And yes, it impacted my productivity. I'm currently in the way of getting away from depression. I know I have potential, I think a lot, I'm able to think deeply, and to articulate my ideas with precision. But at certain moments, I know my depression made me look damn stupid because during depressing episodes, I litterally didn't care about anything other that the problems I had in mind. I just realized how important it is to stop comparing myself to others and focus on overcoming my depression to unlock my true potential. Everybody has its own story, and I hope we manage to get where we want to be.

[@TheGnc_TV]

I haven't seen a "real" video like this for a long time. Thanks man, you have great insight.

[@badass_omelette5166]

For all the people with toxic narcissistic abuse parents. Hope you have gone no contact and never let these toxic people back in your life. Keep healing and keep moving forward

[@NOCDIB]

Thank you for your honesty. I’m a SWE, 20 years in, and I also grew up with an abusive father. It took me well into adulthood to realize that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. While his behavior didn’t affect my learning ability it affected my brother to where he was afraid to try new things because he thought that the failure in trying would evoke an angry response. My father was an avid golfer and his anger while trying to each us to play turned me and my brother off from it. It took the pandemic to motivate my brother to try golfing on his own and now he loves it. His PTSD made him not try in school and beyond. It took him being free from the abusive situation for decades before he could bring himself to try again. You are not alone.

[@domenicociccarelli3734]

Dude, I passed two depression stages in my life and this video is better than my last therapy. Very powerful statement. In a role as a developer solving problems processes sometimes took longer because exactly what you said. I’m working on it! Thanks, and I will follow you.

[@Yigit-nw4et]

Today, I was struggling with THIS SUBJECT PRECISELY. Being almost 25 and starting university just now. Been through some traumatic experiences. I am nowhere close to technology let alone coding, but still subscribed, thanks man 🙏🏻

[@pistonaru]

i am starting uni at 28 :)

[@CodingMountainMan]

Much appreciated and thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[@boom_shankar]

Thank you, sir. I went through a similar situation and the only reason I survived is because of my faith in God, some good people around me and a tremendous amount of luck. I got out of the situation - they tried to get back at me, they still do. But I know better now. I hope I'll survive and thrive from here on as well. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I'm a software engineer struggling with emotional stability. This video resonated a lot with me. Looking at you - my hope for better days is renewed. Thanks again!

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for sharing your story-it means so much to hear how this resonated with you. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and your strength and faith have carried you far. I truly believe you have what it takes to not only survive but thrive. Keep holding on to that hope-better days are ahead!

[@khaga007]

Thanks for sharing your story. We don’t have many software engineers who talk about life. It’s great to see the human software engineer

[@CodingMountainMan]

My pleasure, means a lot.

[@poultrytruffle]

I come from a childhood kinda similar, lots of generational trauma and "curses" and was treated similarly by my mother. I'm 30 and just realized this year that I've lived my entire life in dissociation. It's really painful realizing how badly I've been stunted compared to a lot of my peers growing up. But starting to realize this has allowed me to get sober this year and take a break from things (thank goodness I've been lucky enough) and start to see things clearly. I'm hoping to start community college this year and get into something working with GST soon, I still have some negative biases in the back of my mind so hopefully it goes well. Now that I'm finally connected enough with myself to worry about LIFE instead of toxic relationships and numbing myself with substances. This video was such a breath of fresh air, thank you sir!

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for sharing your story-it takes so much strength to face these realizations and start making changes. Getting sober and focusing on your growth is an incredible achievement, and starting community college sounds like an amazing step forward. I’m rooting for you! Also, my latest video on dealing with trauma might help as well-feel free to check it out if you haven’t already. Wishing you all the best on this new chapter!

[@manamsetty2664]

man i am responsible for my stuff now even after realizing my problems i did not do or take the right actions for 5 years i hv been miserable 18 to 23 i hv promised to change it this year your words are great

[@jonnyjoker01]

I'm 26 still working on myself, one bit at a time. Trauma is hard to process and the ingrained patterns are hard to overcome, but not impossible. I'm proud for myself for getting where I am, from where I came from, despite still having a way to go. I'm 100% confident you can do it too, you got this!

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for sharing that-it’s never too late to turn things around, and at 23, you’re still so young with ample time to create the life you want. Wishing you all the best this year 🙏💯

[@mrdiggie3321]

Great video. To everyone out there struggling: Keep at it. Find ways to build confidence in yourself one step at a time. Once in a while, look back and realize all the things you've achieved be it learning, life events, socializing, relationships, family, whatever you've done. You can get there, even if it takes time. Thanks so much for posting this.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Well said! thanks 💯

[@Kale_justice]

Never thought I would hear such story from a Software Engineer. You're a hero, man, keep doing what bring you joy and compassion, bro.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for the encouragement 🙏

[@BLADEOUTDATOMB]

This video really resonated with me. I had quite a traumatic upbringing, and from an early age have struggled with severe depression, anxiety, crippling self doubt and Tourette's. Now being in my mid 20's, I've started therapy and medication to help with all that I've been through. It's going to be a long road of healing but I look forward to it. Currently trying to get into the tech field (IT specifically), and it's been very hard for me to grasp the concepts, this video brings me comfort and has been sort of an eye opener for me, letting me know that I'm not alone, and that I'm not stupid despite what my brain likes to tell me. Thank you, subbed.

[@BaA-zz4pq]

I feel emotional. I appreciate your honesty. I’m convinced many men would have survived if other men would be this honest about their lives and struggles instead of lying and hiding the truth so they can protect their perfect social image

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you for your kind words. I agree-honesty and openness can make a huge difference. Sharing struggles helps create connection and support, and it’s something we all need more of. I appreciate you taking the time to share this!

[@jdhgeui2838]

This helped me so much, I've been thinking about this a lot recently. I'm slowly resenting my situation, but I refuse to just sit idly and accept it. You know what they say, just keep moving forward.

[@eriqblack]

This is a beautiful video man. I needed this, Thank you 🙏🏾

[@arjvnv]

god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. i am punjabi and this quote has always stuck with me

[@randomness4989]

The segment at 9:26 really resonated with me cause I've had so much trauma from abuse from my father and had bad highschool life and I had to legit work 200% more than anyone around me just to graduate uni and altho it took me 3 more years than it should,I m still proud what I accomplished even if nobody did care about it

[@DevonVanNote]

When KZbin recommend actually does a good job. Well put man. I'm a senior software engineer myself for going on 9 years. I almost gave up in college due to mental health issues stemming from my father. I haven't spoken to him in 9 years but started therapy late last year and it's been great. You can do anything you set your mind to, regardless of your past. Your past does not define your future.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thanks so much for sharing your story, and I’m glad KZbin brought you here! It’s inspiring to see how you’ve persevered and are taking steps to heal-it’s never easy, but it’s worth it. Your mindset is spot on: the past doesn’t define the future. Wishing you continued growth and success man!

[@OdysseyGamingOfficial]

I really needed to hear this today. Struggling very much with school(BA in cybersecurity) I had a very traumatic incident caused by my father when I was 14. I did the same thing as you, worked out like crazy, got big and strong and made a crazy amount of money enough so to move out at 18 with literally no issue at all. 2 years later I burn out like crazy and completely regressed. Ended up having a burnout that lasted almost 3 years but I quit my job with no notice, went back to school for a couple years and did okay living with my gf and recovered pretty well. I was Diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD 6 months ago and it honestly caused a lot of skill regression. I'm still working through it all and starting over is hard but I feel a lot better hearing your story. This video helped me more than you will ever know.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Wow, I appreciate you sharing your story man. You’ve been through so much, and it’s inspiring to see you still pushing forward. Starting over is tough, but it sounds like you’re making real progress. I have no doubt you will catch up on your skills in no time. I’m really glad the video resonated with you-keep at it, you’re doing great!

[@bubbasanches4591]

Be prepared to go jobless after you graduate, cybersecurity is NOT for those who dont deeply know sysinternals, networks, and coding languages. Emphasis on sysinternals.. which most people ignore completely. Would you want a beginner protecting your business' networks?

[@patty109109]

@@bubbasanches4591read the room, bubba

[@AbdullahAkçam]

@@bubbasanches4591 You'd be surprised how absolutely not skilled people working in those positions.

​@@CodingMountainMan​ While you haven't explicitly mentioned it, many of the challenges you've described - forgetfulness, difficulty understanding concepts, emotional struggles, feeling behind in life, and hyperfocus-align with common ADHD traits. I used to think ADHD was limited to restless children who eventually outgrew it, but in reality, the restlessness often becomes internal, and additional symptoms emerge over time. Here are some points to consider: 1. *Difficulty Retaining and Recalling Information* - You mentioned hiding rollerblades and not remembering where they were. - Forgetfulness and memory issues often accompany ADHD. Personally, I frequently misplace my phone or keys, sometimes resorting to Find My Device. Even simple handyman tasks become challenging because I lose track of tools like my drill or tape measure. 2. *Trouble Grasping Concepts* - You described having a hard time learning abstract concepts in school and college. - ADHD can impair the ability to process and retain multi-step or complex information, making academic environments difficult. I recall needing far more time to understand certain subjects than my peers, while excelling far above everyone else in my class in subjects that genuinely interested me (like computer science and certain language classes). 3. *Feeling “Not Smart Enough”* - You expressed self-doubt, wondering if you might be “dumb.” - ADHD can fuel negative self-perception when someone struggles to meet expectations. I, too, felt inadequate when I was always the last to finish math tests, assuming it meant I wasn’t as smart as everyone else. Now my daughter experiences similar feelings-she gets poor grades yet simultaneously follows world politics in foreign languages at just 12 years old. 4. *Emotional Dysregulation* - You described strong emotional reactions-fear, frustration, and inadequacy. - Heightened emotional responses, sensitivity to criticism, and difficulties managing stress are common in ADHD. 5. *Hyperfocus on Personal Interests* - You mentioned devoting intense focus to becoming a software engineer and building physical strength. - People with ADHD often hyperfocus on interests they find stimulating. Like you, I was captivated by programming from a young age, completely memorizing the BASIC handbook and creating simple games to entertain myself. I could also spend hours getting some DOS game to run on a friends’ PC while he watched TV, because I was after the dopamine hit I got getting the thing finally working because, as it turns out, I was always too low on dopamine. 6. *Biting Nails (Self-Stimulatory Behavior)* - You mentioned biting your nails until they bled. - This kind of repetitive or compulsive habit can be a form of self-stimulation or self-soothing, often seen in those with ADHD. I never had to use scissors to clip my toe nails because when I studied and didn't wear socks, I subconciously clipped them with my fingers. Sometimes thumbs too. My leg ofen shook by itself under the table and my eye was often twitching. 7. *Mental Exhaustion and Effort Discrepancies* - You noted needing “110% effort” to complete tasks that others do with ease. - ADHD frequently causes individuals to exert significantly more mental energy to achieve the same results as their neurotypical peers in tasks that they don't have special interest in (it won't help having financial interest, only genuine internal interest counts). 8. *Delayed Academic Success* - You mentioned struggling academically at first but eventually improving your GPA. - Many with ADHD experience delayed academic progress due to issues with focus, organization, and time management. In my case, it took until my final year of college to start getting straight A’s, which aligns with the idea that ADHD development can lag by about 30% compared to neurotypical timelines. 9. *Impact of Trauma on ADHD Symptoms* - Childhood trauma may have intensified your difficulties with focus, memory, and emotional regulation. - Trauma can compound ADHD symptoms, making it challenging to distinguish between the two without a formal diagnosis. How is your sleep? Do you go to bed late? How good can you estimate time? Are you underestimating usually? If you haven’t already, you might consider looking into ADHD. Having learned about ADHD it has helped me much better understand myself, my struggles, and also my strengths. A proper evaluation can provide clarity and open the door to effective strategies and support systems. ADHD isn’t just about challenges - it also brings unique perspectives, creativity, and resilience. Recognizing these traits and addressing the difficulties can make a huge difference in navigating life more confidently and with greater success and ease. I encourage you to explore ADHD in-depth, through KZbin videos, and speak with a professional who specializes in ADHD. Take care!

[@Stefanune]

I am very happy to have found your video in my feed, I can relate a lot with your past and what you tell us here. I am 36 years old and will be starting my first real job in IT in a few days after years of training with many difficulties. I had a history of severe depression since my teenage years and this has affected my study and mnemonic skills despite having a very good IQ (at least that's what the tests I took say). One thing I would like to ask you is if you could share with us how you have improved your study skills over time, that would be great. Thank you very much and I wish you all the best for your future, we deserve it. Cheers from Italy!

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for the kind words! First of all, congrats on fixing to start your IT job. That's awesome! How I improved was slowing down and breaking things into concepts rather than trying to understand syntax. I have a vid on my channel "Learn To Code Using Memory Palace Technique" which explains some of it. Will cover more ways to learn in future vids. Ultimately, I will learn a concept and translate that new knowledge into how I can understand and remember it. For example, seeing things in blocks and how those blocks form a feature. Think of LEGOS. Then inside those feature blocks are more concepts and other blocks. Stay strong 💪

[@electronicsacademy2D2E29]

You hit the nail on the head. All motivational talks, all personality development programs make the fundamental error of assuming that all are equally mentally healthy, which is sadly not the case. I have seen brilliant minds ruin their lives because of childhood trauma. I would just like to differ on one point though, where you mentioned that the old traumas eventually diminish significantly. Old wounds if serious enough probably grow just a layer of thin skin as time passes, but never heal completely. If exposed to similar negative triggers in the present, they can relapse. So it's advisable to avoid triggers besides developing newer paths. It's nasty, it's like once you are infected, it never goes away completely. if we are 'healed' and we move on, and the old wounds don't hurt anymore, it's dangerous to think that they are gone. They are just dormant, some more than others; do not challenge them thinking you are healed completely, for they will drag you down to hell, yet again.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thanks for sharing such a thoughtful comment-you make a great point. Old wounds can stick with us, and being mindful of triggers is so important. Building new paths and focusing on growth is such solid advice. Really appreciate you sharing this!

[@paumasabad8059]

I'm sorry if this isn't appropriate but you made me remember this song called Crawling from Linkin Park.

[@togowack]

IF you chose "software engineering" as a "field" of course you are going to be mentally unhealthy. Why did so many people choose this? Is it that easy for them now to sabotage young people coming out of high school with fake careers and lots of debt.

[@electronicsacademy2D2E29]

@@CodingMountainMan ♥ thanks for replying. Glad if it helps 👍

[@electronicsacademy2D2E29]

@paumasabad8059 Absolutely spot on 👍. Made me watch the video after so long, seeing your comment 💗. Chester Bennington was a genius and the song is probably his emotional admission about his own struggles.

[@Cat-v1s]

Thank you for sharing your experience with trauma. It's really not easy to be so vulnerable. I went through something slightly different from you - I faced more verbal and emotional abuse in my family. Also, I did relatively well in school and in uni, though I did have to work super hard for some subjects, like maths and science. I had a really kind tutor help me for those subjects and I think that made a huge difference for me, having that kind supportive sort of teaching. In uni I did a double degree, one was just to please my parents. I struggled really hard with the degree I took because of my parents, but excelled in the one that I chose for myself. I had anxiety issues but powered through them. However after uni, I had a lot more difficulties. I got a job in a terrible abusive workplace and I think that was a trigger point that really brought up my CPTSD issues from my parents to an extent that I could not manage them or hide them any longer. I had always thought I "should" just "fake it till I make it" but I found out you can only do that so long with trauma. I went through a few other awful experiences and eventually realised I had to face and deal with my trauma issues. I had always thought I "should" be grateful to my parents and that keeping the family unit harmonious was the most important thing, and that my issues were just because I was not trying hard enough, but I realised that was all just pure BS and indoctrination and started to break away. I'm still in my healing process and really hoping things get better. Had a counsellor and a therapist but neither understood trauma so I've stopped seeing anyone and just learning about things to help with dysregulation and trauma myself now. From what I've read from others recovering from trauma, it isn't uncommon for it to surface and hit people later in life, like it did me. Now I struggle cognitively, I no longer have the mental capacity to do the things I used to do with ease. I struggle with words more for instance, whereas writing essays and reports used to be so easy for me. Also now have chronic fatigue affecting me physically. I feel really dispirited and unsure what to do most days, I just keep on working on myself and learning to show myself compassion. Hearing your experience helps, though I still feel like I've gone backwards in life. I've got the degree already but I'm struggling. Worried if I can heal and make it through. I would also like to suggest that perhaps forgiveness isn't always the most powerful thing for healing trauma. In my trauma journey, I actually had to learn to be angry with my parents, because I had been indoctrinated to believe I should always love and appreciate them. And from an outside point of view, they probably seemed like really good parents. Because the abuse was verbal and emotional but very subtle, it was very hard to see. I always thought the problem was me. I would tell myself to forgive my parents from a very young age, thinking that they meant the best for me so it was okay even if they were hurtful to me, and so I should forgive them. I truly thought I had forgiven them and would forgive them again and again on many occasions. I didn't know then what they did and said really wasn't okay. However all the forgiving didn't heal my wounds at all. I've also gone through group "healing sessions" where everyone was led to forgive. However after the session they still held grudges against the same people they had supposedly forgiven. I don't think the people holding the sessions knew what they were doing, they weren't really trained, but still. For myself, I did earnestly want to forgive my parents and believed I had. However as I gradually became aware of what I had actually gone through, a lot of hurt and anger started pouring out. I realised I thought I had forgiven but not really. Now, I no longer ask myself to forgive my parents. I'll let it happen naturally. But I don't make it a requirement. I've since learnt that it's a huge misconception that forgiveness is needed to heal trauma, and it can cause a lot of people suffering from trauma to struggle with healing because they think they have to forgive first. I'm glad you've had good experiences with forgiving and healing, and I'd just like to bring to your awareness that it isn't the case for everyone and might even be harmful to some, for their own healing journeys. If you read this really long comment I really appreciate it and thanks for your video again, it's really great to hear other's experiences. It helps so much to be reminded, I'm not alone in my struggles.

[@panda-bean]

Love your genuine message. To anyone else reading, you are capable. Even if you don't have an official title of "dev/engineer/etc." you are still capable of solving problems and creating tools for SOMEBODY (including yourself) now. YOU ARE CAPABLE, PLEASE KEEP GOING.

[@ThePurpleSnork]

This is an excellent video. The older I get the more I realize maybe I've been in denial about my childhood experiences. I always knew it was much worse for some people, so I just counted my blessings and carried on. My childhood life was far from terrible, but when I did leave home I almost immediately started to achieve in ways I never did as a child. I think many of the things you mention in this video may have had something to do with it. The walking path analogy was incredible. What a great way to put it. I often see people stay in bad situations long into adulthood, and I wish I could just give them the strength and knowledge to know that leaving a abusive or traumatic living situation might be scary, but it's totally worth it. Us humans place a very high value on relative security, and I think a lot of people think they'd prefer to stay abusive situation rather than break away and face uncertainty. Add in the fact that the trauma is likely keeping that person from getting ahead in the first place, and it makes having the resouces to leave that much harder to attain.

[@a2m2tkyo]

I really needed this man. I’m a software engineer that’s been looking for work for almost 7 months now with no luck. Was hitting the edge but this really helped me.

[@togowack]

Why did millions of people choose 'software engineering' where there are never jobs except in boom time? it's not a real job. Of course you are depressed and suicidal

[@ShahrukhJamadar786]

finally someone who understands me

[@AdaptAndConquer]

Thank you so much for this video mate I can't begin to explain just how much I truly resonated with what you shared, wishing you the very best! 😊💯

[@CodingMountainMan]

So glad it helped 🙏 More to come :)

[@tjmixmasta]

@3:55 : Your Dad's response made my heart sink. I am so sorry you had to deal with that, man. But I'm glad to see how wise and good of a person you are, in spite of all the trauma you've endured. Thank you for sharing your perspectives with others who may be dealing with the same.

[@mattoucas869]

The best 15 minutes I've spent in a while. Everybody needs to hear this! We've sort of been conditioned to accept that you're a victim and you should keep it that way instead of trying to do something about it.

[@hooh125]

Man, you have really good communication skills, even though I am not native english speaker it was easy to understand you every word. Thank you for this video!

[@CodingMountainMan]

[@Korudo]

This was me. It took me years to overcome my trauma from bad experiences in my life. I’m finally now starting to have faith in myself, and freeing my mental capacity for more things I want to achieve.

[@mash5272]

Thank you for this video and your message. Not enough people are aware of it - especially the ones experiencing it themselves. I have been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks for 5 years now and doubted my intelligence very often, because of my mental capacity being limited in certain situations. Being in uncomfortable, stressing situations or being triggered by something thats reminding me of unpleasant memories catapults me back into the past, makes me forget everything and unable to have even a normal conversation. It affects many areas in life and the hardest part is to understand that it’s not your fault and can take its time. You shouldn’t blame yourself for something that was done to you, so thank you for saying that again. Also you explained neuroplasticity very well - its incredible how fast experiences can change your pathways/ synapses to the better or the worse. What I heard from a therapist once is that a normal pathway, good or bad, can become a highway at some point if you keep building it with new experiences, believes and repeat the same thoughts. So its possible to “rewire” your brain - but it needs a lot of perseverance and patience. So don’t give up folks and don’t be hard on yourself!

[@eh7992]

Don't blame yourself! Blaming yourself adds insult to injury

[@otamovs]

One of the best recommendation, if not the best, I've got on KZbin lately. You're pretty much on-point on everything said.

[@CodingMountainMan]

I really appreciate the kind words!

[@toast_malone7894]

Mountain Man this really spoke to me. I am about ten years younger than you and I had the difficulty of growing up with harsh family dynamics. Instead of my father it was my older sibling that had BPD and was obsessed with manipulation. It took a toll on me on my early years I was behind in my math courses any basic remedial skills I had. I was held up distracting myself with the computer or video games to ignore the problem and I didn't know how much I was being manipulated at the time. Took a toll on my social skills as well making it hard to find other friends. I went through University and pushed myself to get a STEM degree and granted I did as well as got a career at a relatively young age. I still felt I had tons of mental and esteem issues for not knowing what was bothering me only until I moved away I had some relief for not being in a toxic environment. I was relentless angry, depressed and got into drugs; It was difficult for me to focus on my career and ended up getting laid off. Either perfect performance some years or fucking up entirely. I took a year break from work last year; working nonstop since the age of five either in school, university or work. As I'm applying for work I'm glad to happy to hear your story knowing I am not alone.

[@roelljr]

This is such a powerful and beautifully delivered message. I genuinely hope more people stumble upon this video because the wisdom here resonates universally. Deep down, I think most of us feel like we’re falling behind in some part of our lives-but the truth is, we’re all on our own unique journey, and that journey is entirely ours to shape. When the journey ends, so does life. As you’ve so eloquently reminded us, we need to extend empathy not just to others, but to ourselves as well. Thank you for sharing something so real, raw, and deeply reflective. It’s impacted me profoundly, and I know it will do the same for so many others.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Wow, thank you so much for the heartfelt message-it truly means a lot 🙏. I’m glad it resonated with you, and it’s something many people are experiencing. We really are the captains of our own ship.

[@carltonstuurman6090]

Great video. In my case, I cannot forgive what has been done to me since dealing with what you are talking about is almost impossible. I graduated as a civil engineer recently and cannot get going because of similar negative things that happened to me. It's literally a brick wall mentally that ensures no matter how hard I try to get better I don't see any results. Knowing that someone else has had the same sort of negative mental experience is extremely empowering. You're a legend

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I’m sorry to hear about the struggles you’re facing. It’s tough to break through those mental walls, but just recognizing them is a powerful first step. I’m glad the video resonated with you, and I hope it inspires you to keep pushing forward. You’re not alone in this journey-rooting for you!

[@peshaljha7646]

Wow, I have just started out my career as a software developer and it's been a ride seeing people my age that are way better than me, and in the back of my mind I am aware that me and the guy I am comparing myself with, we have had very different lives and our starting points were very different and all that jazz. But brother, watching you spell it all out, it felt like a warm hug, like oh nice, someone else I have never met or known is validating my feelings, and not just that, a whole lot of other people feel the same way. It's good man, thank you for this great video, and more than that, I am glad you're keeping it real and raw!

[@CodingMountainMan]

Wow, what a compliment. Means a lot to know it validated what your felt. Thank you so much for sharing your experience 🙏

[@jd-py5nm]

I was abused as a kid, then bullied as a kid, struggled with my weight most of my life lost a home and business in the 2008 crash and I've lost two children I'm sure I could have accomplished more if life had taken it a bit easier on me but I'm proud of what I've managed to accomplish despite it all

[@Jack-gl2xw]

I am so happy to hear that your focus and mental bandwidth has improved. I did not realize the effect of trauma on cognitive performance, but the causal relationship you outlined makes sense. I hope you continue to heal. I can tell from this video that you are incredibly intelligent and thoughtful and you must be a killer software engineer. If PTSD is still an issue for you, I hope you are aware of the emerging treatments using psychedelics and other therapies. This video was an unexpected treat to click on; I did not expect so much sincerity. Thank you and good luck with all your endeavors.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for the kind words-it really means a lot. I’m glad the video connected and appreciate the encouragement and suggestions. I try to be a decent software engineer, haha. Those emerging treatments are fascinating. Wishing you all the best, and thanks again for sharing this-it truly means something special!

[@Leo007619]

Listening from Russia. Completely loved these 15 minutes.

[@CodingMountainMan]

That is awesome! Thank you so much 💪

[@Ролтун]

Same here

[@happynatasha]

Me too😊❤

[@189Blake]

@@ThatUltimateFlash I wish you quick healing and forgiving of your dad. One day you'll be a good human being!

[@liljemark1]

Outstanding video ❤ Many of us come from dysfunctional family without understanding that it's not our fault, without understanding what it does to us. Good for you to grow, learn and heal. All the best to you.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for the kind words and support. It’s so true-realizing it’s not our fault is such an important step. Wishing you all the best on your own journey as well!

[@vibiririri]

I just turned 19 and I've been isolated by my mother for my entire life. So much so that I never got a proper education and I'm aiming to get my GED. It's hard, trying to heal when you're still in the environment you got hurt in. You get out of bed every morning just to be beat down again. I've picked up habits of isolation too, pushing myself away from people because, just like you said, I've been taught that people aren't kind. Your video gives me hope I haven't felt in a long time for myself. It feels like listening to a parent I never truly had. I've been looking forward to my future for a very long time, but now it's time I work towards it and not let my pain drag down me to my past again. And, for the first time ever, I think I can finally say that I'm ready. Thank you.

[@junedkhan4643]

Bro you don't realize how much I needed this. I've been traumatized by bad memories my entire life and I still am to this day. Just today my dad yelled at me while I was sleeping in morning, he does this often and it breaks my sleep and makes me sleep deprived. Constant quarrels between parents, the fact that my sister ran away from home because my parents were forcing to her to marry a guy she didn't like, backstabbing comments and no support from parents, parents not support my hobbies (playing a guitar) - you get the point - have traumatized me a lot. Yet despite all the bad experiences I still look up to sky and hope I'll be able to escape this hell. I am planning to do my Masters from a good college and hopefully get a good paying job.

[@maxnits9556]

Yeah, get away as far as possible from such parents. And don't shame yourself, in 10 years you'll just pay your dues by sending them a check or something. But they don't respect you, so get away and become independent, whatever it takes.

[@junedkhan4643]

@maxnits9556 Thanks! I really appreciate your support.

[@vasileiospgr]

dude we have so many things in common that it's scary... got so much respect for you for saying exactly what *you* needed to be told a lot sooner because that's exactly what *everyone* that's in the same situation needed to hear, and only someone who knows and felt it, actualy knows how much important the information you shared is... many people think that people who grow up in these circumstances later become the "having no feelings empty kind of people" but it's quite the oposite, you know how much being nice to others matters, how much of an effect it has and how important it is because that's what you wished you had more of. i have no idea what is heavier, your heart, your mind, or your balls for posting this, maybe all 😂 keep growing as a person exactly as you do, don't change a single thing man, i might not know you but i'm so proud of you. 👏👏👏 (a person like you is the kind of person me and surely others wanna be growing up, keep that in mind) (sorry for any mistakes, not an english native speaker)

[@CodingMountainMan]

Wow, thank you so much for this amazing comment-it really means the world to me. You’re absolutely right, those who go through tough circumstances often come out with a deeper understanding of kindness and its importance. And your line about 'heart, mind, or balls'-😂, that made my day! Seriously, your words are so encouraging. I’m proud of you too for sharing this and for being on this journey. Let’s keep growing together!

[@jaredtruscott4889]

I’m literally sitting at my house right now trying to figure out what I’m gonna do this year. I’ve lost 2 dev jobs in the past 10 years, BOTH due to PTSD. I cannot thank you enough for making this!

[@gangstaberry2496]

You're not alone Jared... You've got this 💪

[@CodingMountainMan]

It means a lot it resonated with you. Never give up man, you'll come up with a good plan. Rooting for you! 🙏

[@longlostwraith5106]

Well said. Assigning blame is pointless. We cannot control what already happened, but only how we feel about it and how we choose to act as a result.

[@1990jmv]

This video is super encouraging to me. I had childhood/young adulthood trauma as well that affected me, though to a lesser extent than you. I'm a software engineer also, and I am working to level up my skills, because I have always been sort of mediocre. I subscribed and started watching more of your videos. I also liked what you mentioned about your faith. I identify with you a lot. You got a new subscriber. Thank you. "It isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility." You make the decisions to better yourself, despite what you may have gone through.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for sharing this and for subscribing! It means a lot to hear my story resonated with you. You're absolutely right-it may not be our fault, but it’s our responsibility to keep moving forward. Wishing you the best as you level up your skills-you’ve got this!

[@tingenism]

This is what KZbin should be for. Thanks for this video; it’s beautiful.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much 🙏

[@so_tired_of_you_all]

Finally a YT recommendation that we all needed, thank you! 🤘

[@the_yugandharr]

bro. i'm in tears. thanks for sharing.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Glad it resonated with you. Stay strong 💪

[@fishbarbeque8540]

Ive never touched Coding in my life, but I have subscribed because this video is the most heartfelt video I've watched in a LONG time. Abuse and a hard childhood has hampered my ability to learn SO bad, I have skin biting disorders, to bleeding, and PTSD. I'm 18. But I still feel SO behind. Ive learned that EVERYONE has a hard back story, So I just have to bite the bullet and get through it.

[@CodingMountainMan]

Thanks for sharing this, it means a lot. I can’t imagine how tough that’s been, but recognizing it at 18 is such a huge step. Love your attitude and outlook-just keep taking it one step at a time. You’ve got this!

[@Conner112]

God bless you, brother. I had a difficult relationship with my father, and relate to some of what you experienced. I was a very insecure young man as a result, and felt very worthless for a long time. Jesus saved me, and it continues to be a comfort to me that I have a father in heaven who loves me, who forgave me, and who will never fail me. I was forgiven a great debt, and it's because of Him that I now forgive my father. I'm married now, and while my wife and I struggle with infertility, it's my prayer that we have children one day. Even now, before they exist, I love them unconditionally. Should God decide to give us these children, they'll never have to do anything to earn my love. Like He says to us, I will say to them, "this is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased."