It's Okay Not To Be Okay

[@doddleoddle]

What a wonderful, genuine, helpful, heart warming video. You're right, smile because it happened, but DEFINITELY cry a sob like a little baby because it's over. I'm so proud of how objective and strong you are - being able to take a step back and see what's "good for you and what's not" is such a smart way of dealing of things, rather than getting wrapped up in the pain! I'm so so so proud of you. I love you so much and I'm always here for a girly chat about everything!

[@riav4717]

Dodie! You and Carrie should make a video together sometime. You're both 2 of my favourite people

[@simplyzoexox]

Dodie has literally put my thoughts into words ♥♥♥

[@mariebaker6416]

hey dodie! im a fan!! i agree with the top comment

[@lisax4186]

Literally what I needed to say 👏

[@beckiejbrown]

Completely agree. Not all battles can be fought with smiles stuck on. I made a video a few years ago, when I was in an extremely bad place. I said that "there are times when you just break, you can't cope anymore." Basically, you can't maintain that smile all the time? Some people can't fight their battles with those smiles that everyone loves to see. I think it's good to feel ALL emotions. How can we appreciate when we are happy, or life is going okay, when that occurs all the time. We need the dark in our lives to appreciate the light.

[@KnubbelKekz]

A couple weeks ago my Grandma died and when i went to the doctor, 'cause i felt really sad, he said "after nearly two weeks, you really have to deal with it" It made me feel like i don't have the right to be sad for any reason and that made me even more sad. And angry. About everything. So.. I'm really thankful for this Video, Carrie. You really give great advise, in any situation. ♥

[@sanneyh1411]

What a terrible thing to say from your doctor! Personally, I never lost anyone in my family, but I think it would be like the hardest thing in the world :( You should be able to take all the time in the world to "deal with it". I wish you lots of strength for the next months! XX

[@KnubbelKekz]

Sanne Horsting Thank you so much. :3

[@lynneacooper172]

Wow! You know what, my father died many years ago. He had cancer for 7 months. It took me 3 years to get out of the deep depression I entered, and even now many years later I still have those sad days. When you experience a lose like that, it's OKAY to feel sad it's okay to need to go through that. Everything Carrie said is perfect for you right now. You are in my thoughts and if you need someone to talk to. You may not know me, but I will be here for you. :)

[@AlrightDarlingx]

You need to change your doctor. It is not their place to make a judgement on how you feel and grieve. I lost my mother last year and when i went to the doctor for help it wasnt the help i needed. I needed to speak to someone and approached a support centre who set me up with a counsellor. Having someone impartial to talk to was a huge help

[@pinkunicornglitter]

That's so horrible! As Carrie said it is okay not to be okay :) and also it doesn't matter how long it takes for you to be okay again , just as long as you get there in the end. ❤

[@PaigedCooling]

It took me 7 years to ask for help with depression :/

[@jesslukyluk]

i'm happy you did and i hope things are okay! :) better late than never?

[@PaigedCooling]

Jessica Luk Thankyou (: i'm still in the process of getting help

[@jesslukyluk]

that's okay, at least you put yourself out there! it's always the hardest to ask for help but once you have things tend to feel better after a while. it's a bumpy road but it's worth it in the end :)

[@uggy823]

Well done I'm happy you did because I'm still struggling to ask

[@poppyclark9789]

I've got anxiety issues and I'm still too scared to tell anyone I know :/ I think as I get older i will be confident enough to ask for help but at the moment its crap coping with it on my own :/

[@TheRyanLamont]

We need sadness to define our happiness :)

[@TheMynameishanis]

I teared up because I can relate so much to you. I have always been so secretive, too. Because most of the time I think that I'll be a burden to someone and sometimes I think that I can deal with this on my own. Sadly I still do this, until now. I still think the same way.

[@uploadingjess]

I'm very much the same. I just simply can't ask for help, eventhough it would probably be better.

[@littlemiss4509]

I'm the same...I always feel like talking about problems you have to people you know are open to too much judgement and more pain on the other side.....exactly what I needed to change my mind.....love you Carrie!

[@dreamingofraaain]

I'm replying to this especially because of the "burden" part. You know, some time ago a very close friend of mine told me the exact same thing when I asked them why they hadn't come to me sooner about a problem they had. When I heard that she didn't want to bother me with her issues, I got so upset, it honestly saddened me to know that I could be of some help to her, but she would still hesitate for my own sake. Trust your friends people, they are there for you

[@jakecaldwell1329]

Hi hanis i know i am just a stranger , but you can never be a burden to your friends they will always want to help and try to support you. Im sure if you opened up to them they will be more then happy to help . And if they dont are those people really the people you want to be friends with . Sorry to hear your having hard times. good luck with life , wish i could help more.

[@carmelr5504]

I'm like that too, I find it really hard to let any of my feelings out, and always think everyone else has their own problems to worry about without adding mine to the list, so I find it really hard to tell anyone.

[@konakonaXD]

pain demands to be felt

[@MissPrincessMegan76]

i have no idea who you are, but i already like you :P your awesome!

[@roisinsheridan9772]

Yay TFIOS!

[@tharcblack]

The fact that 21 year old Carrie (then) can be relatable to 29 year old me (right now) is so fantastic. You are so humble and inspiring at the same time. ❤️ Thank you. I needed this today.

[@TheJelliCopter]

This is just what I needed.... I recently had to put my dog down because his kidneys failed and I feel horrible.

[@lucieh6320]

I hope you are ok, that must have been a horrible thing to go through :( x

[@hollyrogs2011]

I know you can get through it, stay strong! X

[@TheJelliCopter]

Holly Rogers Aww thank you so much! The Hopeful community is so nice!

[@mynoseisrunning]

it was for the best! remember mourning is okay. "pain demands to be felt" 💗

[@notshortfunsized4948]

I've lost three pets before and it's terrible, I know. But cliche as it is to say, time really does help! Virtual hugs!

[@MidnightArticuno]

I needed this today. I lost my job quite suddenly yesterday, and I live on the other side of the world from home and anyone who really cares about me. So now I'm stuck alone and I have a month to figure out how to get my life 7,000 home.

[@pinkunicornglitter]

I hope everything works out for you ❤

[@81blargh]

Just keep swimming my friend and remember to pick yourself up and dust yourself off because good things finish so even better things can come along. Just make sure you're happy and find someone to give you a big hug.

[@ossswin]

So sorry to hear that, hope everything works out for the better. just keep going. xx

[@bd9158]

Hey, hope everything worked out okay in the end?:)

[@HurstHillPerformers]

Carrie you've got no idea how much you have helped me today. I have been crying for various reasons none stop the last 24hrs and I have woken up after an hours sleep feeling so numb. I found this in my sub box just as I was sitting on my bed in tears and it's just hit me that I shouldn't be doing this all by myself, I may feel isolated and alone but I'm not and there are people who want to help me (such as yourself) and I should be opening up to them. I don't know how you do it sometimes, managing to look so happy when you yourself have some pretty shitty things going on like every other human in the world, I can't remember the last time I laughed or smiled and this just shows that I should be doing so much more of it. I shouldn't be sitting alone, crying when no one can hear me, isolating myself because I'm scared of being judged by people! What I'm trying to say is thank you Carrie, I really do love you Xxx

[@nzkatica]

Hi Kate, You have a lovely smile, I hope you have reason to show it again soon :) Best wishes in all you do, Katie

[@HurstHillPerformers]

nzkatica Thank you very much Katie, that's so lovely of you. Have a nice day Xxx

[@NikkivanB]

Dear Kate, I hope you are feeling better soon. Hate seeing you so sad. Remember you are not alone and you're being loved. Much love! Nikki

[@sophiesmall1202]

Hope you've got someone to talk to by now. But I just wanted to say again that you're right. Get someone with you to blub all over, or on the phone to listen as you sob. There are times when you get stuck because the hurt you're feeling isn't changing, and you just need other people to make things a little bit different. You're brave even to have typed that, and you will get better. I'm sure I can say: love and the best, best wishes from all Hopefuls xxxxx

[@HurstHillPerformers]

Sophie Small Thank you very much Sophie, it means a lot! Really! I have gotten in touch with my friends and a going to see her in a couple of hours. I really am trying to change this, thank you again Xxx

[@ravercat4]

'don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened' - love this, might become one of my new favorites

[@LuciadeAlarcon]

"in the words of Jessie J" those were my first thoughts when reading the title of the vid

[@wecouldgowithjas9314]

OMG YES JESSIE YAAAAAS YES YAAAAAAAAAASSSS

[@bellafroggy]

sameee

[@TeenNailArt245]

The amount of times that Jessie J's lyrics have saved me is unreal... I owe my life to Jessie

[@morganh9864]

Samee

[@EllaTennant1]

jessie 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@emilyrice5121]

It breaks my hear to hear Carrie talk about sad topics with such experience. She is too perfect to have to go through anything horrible.

[@ArielLinee]

I'm so glad you made this video. I needed it today. I've recently been struggling with my binge-purge anorexia and self-harm recovery and even though I'm in a much better place than I was last year, it's still a struggle to tell someone when I don't feel like eating or I feel like purging or hurting myself. My point is a lot of people really need this and I'm one of them, so thank you and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you're struggling with

[@NatiiDragon3]

I had the same issue a few years ago... just telling someone, anyone, helped so so much and I am so grateful for their help! Please keep telling and talking to people, isolation doesn't work :/

[@ailsalaurie4034]

I really hope you keep making process...Just remember...the hopefuls are also here for you!!!! :)

[@RamblingRu]

Keep going, you're so brave!!! :)

[@EmdozPro]

Ariel Broyles I hope your much better now then you were at the time you commented. Hopefully you've made progress with you binge-purge anorexia and self-harm recovery. As long as you are better today, then you were yesterday, even if it is a little bit, then at least you're getting better. I wish you all the best in your recovery, however long it may take :) If you are not feeling good, just watch this video again, and maybe watch some more videos like these on youtube :D

[@TheImpybug]

I have suffered with depression and anxiety for over 15 years now. And I always try cope alone. It doesn't work. I know this. But the fear of rejection cripples me even more. I am my own worst enemy. And this I know. It plagues me daily...

[@juliaolson3146]

I am so sorry and I feel like I can relate to you a bit. Thanks for sharing that publicly, it was brave of you:)

[@TheImpybug]

Thank you

[@darjluke]

I think the hardest part for me to ask for help is that when people try to help, they just give me the suggestions that I already have tried. Just smile, pretend you are happy. Find something you like to do. Get a pet. Eat healthier. Get more exercise. Join a club. Stop taking medication. Find another doctor. Breath properly, do yoga, tai chi, meditation. Stop being so negative. What can I do to help you? Your just not trying. Sometimes I wish I didn't ask for help. I feel like I am bringing the people I care about down because they end up feeling helpless. They want to help, but they can't.

[@meara6194]

Carrie is so...real. I love her and her honesty and her reliable advice and what not. She's an inspiration to me in a way I couldn't be more grateful for.

[@garyc]

I agree with you, I feel like I need to let go rather than suffer and swallow them. x

[@rachelfarrell6103]

My soul mate recently took his life, and my god, is this video relevant. Thank you for articulating such an important bumble of words i've words i've been struggling to express. You absolutely need to fall apart before you can begin moving forward. My grieving process has been postponed as i complete my final year of school, but i've taken solace in that there will be time to find comfort in allowing yourself to process and comprehend your sadness, before looking to the happiness of the hope. Thank you Carrie xx this important message is often ignored in our society so concerned with complete happiness.

[@Emilyluvsspotty]

Bear with you? Tis a privilege

[@Carrie]

:) That's so sweet. Thank you! xxx

[@llm210]

This videos still speaks to me 4 years on

[@kalebmartin1845]

I love reading through the comment section on Carrie's video's because everyone always says "The KZbin comment section is the most horrible and violent place on the internet" and then there is the comment section on Carrie's vidoe's which is just full of lovely people with nice things to say. I am proud to be able to call myself a hopeful :)

[@TheLastHumanOnEarth]

the emotion in your eyes like you have been crying helps convey the message you are trying to relay.

[@randomnamegbji]

is this about "he who shall not be named"? or something else?

[@vilcoyotus]

I sure hope not for em.

[@Annemande]

Voldemort? No, really, I know what you mean.. And I hope not.

[@claricepearl2485]

Who is he who must not be named? Is it Alex? Xx

[@Annemande]

Yeah, I think so

[@BethyXmae]

I think (although I may be wrong) that it's about the recent cast change that has just happened in Les Mis. It'd be hard to say goodbye to all of the people she's made friends with over the past year. Although Carrie's such a lovely person that I'm sure she'll stay in contact with them and make more great new friends in the coming year. :)

[@sashabryant9524]

you have such a calming voice and a wonderful soul

[@lilfizz1619]

Crying isn't a weakness, it's proof that you're a human being ~ I made that up. Proud :)

[@liesvanespen292]

you should be proud :) It's nice

[@lilfizz1619]

Lies Van Espen Aw thank you xx

[@ourdazedsims]

I've been having a pretty hard time recently and I've been open about it with my friends and family for a change, I'd usually feel better after talking to someone but this time I just don't…

[@l.j.a.]

There there, it will get better. :)

[@GabrielaCenturionNeumann]

Some things take more time, that's all. Keep talking, keep listening, keep being with the people you love and love you back. It will get better. Trust me, I know for experience. Sending you a hug for whenever you need it!

[@lucieh6320]

Just give it time, and if things still don't get better then try talking to them again :) x

[@smurfrise]

Sometimes friends and family are not enough- if you find yourself stuck it can be really helpful to find a good psychotherapist.

[@ClipsByLaura]

"All endings are also beginnings, we just don't know it at the time" - Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet In Heaven)

[@simmersophie3859]

when I'm down none of my friends ever notice, lately I've been very down and the only people to notice were my gran and my math tutor, even if I tell my friends how I feel they pretty much tell me it could be worse and I hate that. Yes things could be worse but that doesn't make what I'm going through better. All I need from them is a hug and to be told I'll be fine, that's all.

[@fleetingpetunias]

Sophie Melvin No matter what your facing right now, you will overcome it. And I promise you, your problems are not smaller than anyone else's. "It could be worse" is never an answer. Problems are problems, if you feel a certain way, no one has the right to demean that by saying "it could be worse". You'll be fine x

[@simmersophie3859]

thank you, this means so much x

[@cherrysubmarine]

that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt :)

[@duckswilltakeover]

I hate making other people sad so I never like telling people what's wrong if it's big stuff cause then they start feeling sorry for me and yeah

[@jakecaldwell1329]

Its completely ok to ask for help or to addmit your struggling because we arent perfect, friends are there help out and support and to make you feel good. I am sure they will be more happy that you came to them and that they can help rather than you suffering in silence. You dont have to go through anything alone

[@NickNetLife]

My father passed away nearly 3 years ago on the 19th of July 2011 when I was 14, I'm 17 now, I fell into depression following that and pulled out at the start of 2013, I was somewhat confused about what was going on as I was so used to seeing the world in a negative way that positivity was such an unfamiliar aspect to my life, unfortunate but in a way good that positivity had been re-introduced into my life :) p.s. I make weekly videos, check 'em out if ya want? if ya don't that's allgood too :)

[@silverwolf184]

You're so brave to have dealt with such a thing. I'm sorry for your loss but stay strong

[@NickNetLife]

silverwolf184 Thank you :)

[@lynneacooper172]

What a strong person you are. When I was 15 my own father passed away. It's took me 3 years to get out of that depression and start to feel again. It's a hard loss. Now though, you can live y our life to help others through similar losses, and what an amazing calling on life that is!

[@tats97xx]

I watched your the fault in our stars review a couple of days ago and I never actually knew this about you! Now feel compelled to watch all your videos. I hope you're doing okay. ☺️

[@NickNetLife]

Atalya Helm Thank you :) and I'm doing great :) x

[@SaraElizabeth07]

My brother died Wednesday at age 30. I was in a movie theater seeing The Fault in Our Stars when we saw emergency texts and fled the theater. Adjusting and dealing with a lot here, too. Thank you for this video.

[@AlexandriaJohnson23]

Thank you so much for making this video, Carrie. :) The journey towards happiness and self love are described as journeys for a reason since they're not one-stop accomplishments. Your honesty is respected and valued, and if support is what you need at the moment, please know that you have a community to send you love.

[@vickibolland4305]

I haven’t reached out to anyone professional yet but this helped me tell a friend about some mental stuff. It helped tonnes so thank you Carrie and thank you everyone ☺️❤️

[@amberhayward753]

This made me tear up ... So beautiful Carrie and thank you for being a beacon for all of us out there who don't ask for help when needed and who don't voice their own opinions enough ..:) ☺️

[@diversityincarnate]

Since graduating high school I've had a lot of independence thrust on me all at once. So far I've basically been handling it the way you were talking about, by refusing to admit it's scary and closing in on myself, thinking I have to figure it out on my own. As always, your video comes at a perfect time to tell me that I'll be ok and to talk to people. Thank you so much for everything, Carrie. ❤

[@pezzdoag]

Thanks Carrie, this was great! You speak so much sense it's uneal!

[@camoliver7335]

I need this on a t shirt. Thank you Carrie Hope Fletcher for helping me get through the day.

[@ned993]

I've had depression for a few years now, but never really opened up to people about it, until last year. I've always been hesitant to talk about that, never really knew why I had it, and was miserable for a long time. I've recently been diagnosed with a hormone disorder, and it made me depressed again about a lot of things in my life. However, this time, my family and best friend are supporting me, so I hope it's gonna be easier to recover. I usually keep my problems to myself, but sharing from time to time really makes it better.

[@henryvyne8774]

Ummm, I'm speechless? This is amazing. I teared up more than once. Thank you for making this. It's so relatable and so nice to see someone else in a similar position. Not that I'm happy you were sad, it's just... nice to not feel alone. Thanks again.

[@LastHumansGarage]

keep your chin up. without downs we have no ups.

[@annadalton3073]

I've always been the happy and laughing girl. When I speak to my classmates about how they used to see me, when we were younger, that is exactly what they answered. The truth is that it was always easier to laugh when you were feeling insecure or when you didn't have an answer. Therefor everyone thought, and some still do, that I'm a person who never has any problems. That I'm constantly "okay" and happy. That of course isn't true, so it means a lot when you remind me to be more selfish and to dwell in my own problems once in a while. Thanks Carrie xx

[@kiranbhamra1667]

My teacher showed this to my class when I needed it the most he asked us to write a response which I sort of opened up a lot in I instantly regretted what I wrote it was stuff about depression like what if I get a terrible mark what if my teacher thinks I'm attention seeking but he actually understood. I received a good really good mark and all my friends said to me it's just cuz he felt bad for u trying to take away from my success my teach passed away a week ago and I received my report card and he wrote about my response and responded in a way that showed me he understood. He's was the only person I opened up to and who understood me helped me so much as an English teacher taught me so many life lessons and he's Fucking dead

[@jimiwalker920]

That really sucks. I'm so sorry, I hope you're okay and find someone you feel you can open up again with and can help you. Life can be a bit sucky but we all get through stuff

[@danielledonnelly7537]

+Kiran Bhamra That is shit but never forget him (i know u probably won't any way) and make him proud. live the life he sadly can't anymore. live the life you want with joy :)

[@kiranbhamra1667]

Danielle Donnelly after it happened i couldn't really talk to anyone about it my friends didn't seem to care so thank you both for replying i know this sounds cliche or like im attention seeking but it helped a lot and its nice to know that someone cares, you made my day

[@danielledonnelly7537]

Kiran Bhamra That is not cliche at all. I am so happy I helped you in any way:) And it is so clear you are not attention seeking. Trust me I know what you must have / are going through.

[@ladielydkyd1281]

I'm so sorry. :( It sounds like he was a good source of help for you. I have depression too and I know that it sucks to feel like you can't get help or can't find someone who you can talk to, especially finding an adult you can trust can be tough for teens. I truly do hope you can find another adult who is as trusting, compassionate, and understanding to you as he was.

[@janeycreeden9122]

It is absolutely okay to not be okay. My aunt died 40 years ago, and my grandfather's response was to get rid of all his daughter's things and not talk about it. That's how he handles things. My grandmother, because of that, never took proper time to mourn. But to this day, every year on the day that her daughter died, she takes a day to be sad. She stays home, she gets out old pictures. It helps her. Everyone deals with things in their own way. As far as it being okay to not be okay, I absolutely get where you're coming from. The past 2 years have been difficult, nothing tragic just a lot of big changes, things I didn't necessarily have control over. And since I'm the friend that always feels responsible for everyone else, I feel this obligation to be fine. But in the past 2 years I realized, that it's when I'm at my lowest that I realize how loved I am. The people I feel this obligation to be strong for are the people who remind me that I don't have to be. And you're absolutely right, knowing that makes all the difference in being able to deal with it. Stay strong, you deserve to be happy.

[@KrystalConnar]

We all love you Carrie. Everyone please like this comment if you love Carrie! We can show her how much we love her. Stay strong beautiful

[@katiehusband1505]

I found this video again and I needed it today. I've got an appointment with my doctor about maybe having depression. It's just reaffirming the thought I don't have to do it alone. I know I'm not okay right now but I am working on it.

[@charmorris6161]

wow. I know that this was 2 &1/2 years ago, but this is what I needed today. More than anything. Thank you Carrie. You & your videos have helped me more than you can know. I'm going to talk to someone tomorrow, and I'll make myself okay. Thank you xxx

[@MissLilChenn]

Agree, spoke my mind. Being sentimental doesn't show weakness. It shows that you are real.

[@ThisRainbowLife]

Life is a marathon, not a sprint...

[@gracelola8897]

Damn it, I hate marathons 😂

[@molly050703]

+Grace Phillips I'm cackling at your comment 😂😂

[@smythe12247]

Wow...the timing of this video is crazy. My grandma actually died a couple days ago...she and my grandpa were in a different state so my mom went to go help my grandpa. Leaving me with the responsibility of taking care of my little brothers with my step dad...I'm afraid to cry in front of my brothers or tell my mom i really need her back...Thank you for this video, it means a lot.

[@katearmstrong8941]

I've always went through things in silence but that's primarily not to do with the fact I don't want to be seen as a failure, it's the fear of upsetting my family and friends, because they're worth more to me than some pain relief. I know getting help is good though, but my parents go through a lot because depression and suicidal tendencies are common in our family and I've seen them cry so many times because of that, I don't want to make them feel worse.

[@OLLIEDOESVLOGS]

i have that too i fear dissapointing people, scaring them away and its hard and horrible

[@nsalibi]

I can see you care about your family and don't want to add burdens to their life, but don't be afraid. You are not a burden.

[@asuperstarz]

I think this perfectly describes how I act even now. Scared to ask for help. Willing to walk in a circle to not have to turn around and not know what I'm doing. Thank you Carrie for a well timed reminder that its okay to ask for help and struggle

[@SunnyB_adventures]

I found myself relating to a lot of this and also getting help and advice, thanks for that Carrie, also for anyone who feels like they do need someone to vent to about things that are bothering them that friends ect. might not understand, go to a counselor, I've recently started because I have some issues I need to get sorted and it helps a lot, seriously, if you feel ready and like it would be a step in the right direction, go for it, it's okay to cry for help when you're feeling down, stay positive hopefuls :) xxx

[@katiegarrood5853]

It's almost two year since this video was published and it still helps me now, thank you Carrie xxx

[@MissPrincessMegan76]

i hope your doing okay carrie! and this is an amazing message for you honorary little sisters and brothers :) im proud to be one of them! xxx

[@francessm8069]

I am absolutely in love with this girl's attitude to life, and all though she probably won't see this I want to say a huge thank you to her for helping me through a really difficult time and she is the only person I "know" who has this attitude to life and my dear I feel it's the only medication I need.

[@matthewtheobald258]

Keep calm and Carrie on!

[@VickyThePixie]

Someone needs to make a T-shirt.

[@alltimeblow31]

"It's okay to ask for help." Something I need to hear sometimes. Thanks so much for this video.

[@HaleyLikeTheWolf]

aw, I was hoping you were going to put a My Chemical Romance quote in here! But seriously, this was a great video and something that a lot of people need to understand. You are such an inspiring individual and I hope I get to meet you one day!

[@desolationrow7891]

Same

[@ShrimpchuVlogs]

Another Ditto

[@Starlight-Tale]

Thank you. I struggle with all of these, asking for help, admitting I'm sad, to admit when I'm not ok.

[@Janne]

This is a quote from Hugh MacKay, and I'm going to leave it here because I think it's very relevant to the video. "I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that-I don't mind people being happy-but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It's a really odd thing that we're now seeing people saying "write down three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep" and "cheer up" and "happiness is our birthright" and so on. We're kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position. It's rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don't teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say, "Quick! Move on! Cheer up!" I'd like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word "happiness" and to replace it with the word "wholeness." Ask yourself, "Is this contributing to my wholeness?" and if you're having a bad day, it is."

[@TheRyanLamont]

Love that quote!

[@Evanandrachel]

sooo awesome Janne thanks for sharing the quote! I will start trying to use "wholeness" now instead.

[@birgem19]

I needed to hear this. My dad passed away very suddenly wednsday evening. They'd found out a few days earlier he had lung cancer but they didn't want to tell me because I still had 3 exams left. But he deteriated rapidly and when his lung callapsed they took us to hospital and we spoke to him. He died that night, the night before my last exam. I still did the exam because I knew he would want me to. People keep telling me I can talk to them about things and ask for help but I want to be strong for my little brothers. You have no idea how much I needed to realise this, to just cry and ask for help. Thank you Carrie. So much

[@Awestoms]

Just carrie on what you're doing and I'm sure it will work out just fine. :)

[@ChocoMonster789]

Heh heh heh... See what you did there.....

[@krose9393]

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Great Expectations: "Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts." Thanks for making this video!

[@ahdarling]

I think you're an amazing persin, I wish I had a friend like you!

[@ahdarling]

*person

[@JumpingJacks2011]

"Never think crying is a weakness, because ever since you were born it's been a sign that you are alive."

[@TheGamergurl1999]

oh my god how i needed that.... ;----; *is like crying eyes out cuz of this video*

[@sophiegreen1450]

This 🙌 just had a friendship of over five years end. And I've had crap from her again recently, even thought it is upsetting it's just proving why I should not have her in my life and I can not wait for a new improved life to come

[@acidicdaisychains]

I wonder what she's referring to. Hope you're okay Carrie! Xxx

[@francineleahy]

I have a feeling it's alex

[@asmurf2011]

Maybe Alex?

[@francineleahy]

most likely Alex

[@TheGirlInGeekGlasses]

I'm thinking it's the fact that the Les Mis cast has changed and she's had to say goodbye to a lot of close friends and colleagues, just my opinion though :)

[@lindsaybrophy7757]

I come to this video whenever I'm not okay and it gives me the courage to go to someone and tell them that I'm not okay. I'm always worried that people won't want to talk and that I'm just bugging them, even though it's more likely that they would rather me talk to them

[@TheSeanSink]

How come people in the comments put "xxx" at the end of their comments? That's weird. xxx

[@TheSeanSink]

Oh, its still weird. xxx

[@TheSeanSink]

Yeah...xxx

[@sydwithawhy5963]

This is a big sister at her finest with advice 💗

[@georgemitchellmusic]

So in a nutshell... you're single now?

[@Carrie]

Have been for a few months but in a nutshell, yes that's what this is about. xxx

[@nicoleblack]

***** I totally know what your going through I had a 5 year relationship end a few months back and it's hard xx

[@ruthwilmot4706]

***** *lots of hugs* So like... I just nearly cried at this video. My brother is in the room so I didn't, but... thank you for posting this when you did. Firstly it's a strong and brave thing for you to too, but secondly thank you so much because, I mean you're always an inspiration to me but this particularly really really helped and I'm having a time at the moment where I'm pretending to be okay and... yeah basically I needed to hear that xD Hope you're okay... I really wish I had the guts to write to you because there is so much I want to talk to you about at the moment, but hey. Thank you for being my 'honorary big sister' and being such a help and inspiration

[@blueconnolly3394]

***** i am sorry my dear. you have every right to be as sad as you want for as long as you need

[@mahyuhhh]

Ruth Harrison I'm with you and I'm crying a little now after your comment :') she gives really good advice

[@smellybelly767]

It makes me really sad to see such a wonderful person feel bad about herself because of things some stupid people said on the internet. They are just jealous of you Carrie keep your head high. Your videos inspire me and I always end one with a new idea in my head and I think that's wonderful. Keep up the amazing work

[@natalyawilliams9698]

You're still my big sister Carrie :')

[@beccasarah93]

I know when I'm having a hard day to come back and watch this and remind myself that it's okay not to be okay, your a beauty Carrie!xx

[@lynneacooper172]

That phrase "It's okay not to be okay" has been following me lately. I agree with it with my whole heart but there are other things to add. Whenever I'm not okay people always try to comfort me with "It's going to be okay" and that used to make me so mad, simply because it might be okay in the future but in that moment, when they say that to me, it's NOT okay. So started answering them like this "It IS going to be okay but it is the road to okay that's painful right now." And then with a new person in my life, he has the attitude that has really started to help me in my own life "Even when I'm not okay, I am okay." That positive attitude has helped me more than anything in this "not okay" time in my own life. But Carrie you have a great attitude about this and though the not okay time is hard you ARE strong. You hit the nail on the head that crying isn't a weakness it's a strength. Tears leak out because your body needs to release some of that strength sometimes. We're humans not superhuman, our bodies need that release. :) You are on my mind as you go through this. You are a blessing to so many!

[@rainsinger1]

came to this video in tears, as my dog passed away in the night. thank you for this, Carrie.

[@simsamsammie]

I have been in need of those video many times throughout my life but today I think is one of the times when I've needed it most. They say life is like a boomerang and good things only come back to you if you put good things into the world and I think you put a lot of good thoughts and ideas and feelings out into the world and I hope that your positivity and wisdom always find their way back to you.

[@elephantesnowy]

I just wrote a blog post about this the other day! Such an important thing to remember! Asking for help shouldn't be something we're embarrassed about.

[@HitomiS7]

Beautifully said. I think most people feel happier when you come to them for help because it means you want to be honest with them and you trust them enough to ask for help. We have to give permission to ourselves to be more human.

[@ellieerose23]

"It doesn't make you a failure, it makes you a PERSON." ♥

[@Kalessehuine]

Hugs and love to you, Carrie! I'm so glad you've come around to realizing that it's okay to not be okay, because now is when your real healing begins. It's a painful process, but one that strengthens you and makes you an even better version of you.

[@robyn5646]

This past month has made me realise this exactly. GCSE's weren't too bad for me but I realised that I had been struggling in some areas of my life that I had neglected and instead of asking for help from my friends or family, I isolated myself. This really has resonated with me just because it's so true. It's like lifting a box, if it's too heavy then you should ask because in the long run, you're only going to put your back out. xx

[@xperoxysm]

I used to be a listener and I never really talked about my feelings because I didn't want to bother people. my mother doesn't really takes the time to listen to me when I'm upset and because of that I just thought I was bothering people with my problems. but I found people, friends who care enough to listen and wipe my tears and that changed my view on life.

[@beccaamy1]

This is a super beautiful video! I actually learnt this very lesson about a year and a half ago, and it took a lot to get there. I actually realised it when I read something that had written at about 15 (now 25) about it being ok to ask for help and that being sad is allowed. I had obviously not properly leant it at 15, or maybe it's just something that we need to remind ourselves or something but I genuinely feel like it is the most important lesson I have learnt to date. My addition would be (and Carrie, you sort of mentioned it) that people can't necessarily see that you are not ok unless you tell them. Whether or not you realise it (no matter who you are) there are people in your life that love you so much that they give a real crap as to whether or not you're ok. It eventually turns out being mean to these people if you don't tell them that you're not ok, because they really really want to do anything they can about it. Sometimes, it is more selfish to take everything on ourselves than to ask for help. There's a bunch of humans for a reason. We end up in communities for a reason. It's because we all NEED to help each other at different points. Lots of love to Carrie and to all of you, especially people going through crap and finding it hard to ask for help. Just do it. You definitely won't regret it. Xxx

[@TheAurorajulialis]

Your thoughts really ring true with me right now! About a month ago I was laid off my job of 5 years that I liked ok and I was so rattled by how much that it really upset me. In my early twenties I didn't give a flip about changing jobs. I am 34 now. For the first week I was so wrapped in my own little pit of despair...sleeping all day, getting sick to my stomach, crying at ridiculous moments, not wanting to talk about it...then I finally went to see my family and it was like running a soothing comb over my soul. I wasn't instantly better but it really helped by being around those who know and love ME...not the person that my company felt the need to weed out.

[@freudylove27]

I genuinely sobbed at this, because this just reiterated what my doctor said to me about my depression. That it's so brave to come forth and not be okay, that everyone needs help, and to hear it from you is honestly very, very touching, and I love you a lot for this. A lot a lot. Thank you so much for just being you.

[@iridescence02]

My grandmother passed away just 5 days ago. Its the first time I've lost a loved one and I feel broken and I felt like I could never be fixed. But this video made me feel better. So thanks alot Carrie. xx

[@amazingaya]

I've come back to this video because my life is not okay at the moment. Last night was terrible and this video is the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up this morning. Thank you, Carrie, for sharing your beautiful soul on KZbin. Your voice made me feel much better and I think I have the strength to call my friends for help now. I wish everyone watching this video a lovely day!

[@nushla11]

I've never seen such beautiful and supportive comments on a video. 'Hopefuls' are the greatest humans. Thankyou Carrie xx

[@NanaV73]

"Pain demands to be felt." Hopeful love to all of you out there going through something rough.

[@WeAreAllMadHere96]

"It doesn't make you a failure, it makes you a person." Thank you, Carrie. And I hope you're doing OK.

[@CherryEpicSealDonkey]

This is so true. I've been like this all my life and have been trying to overcome it recently. I hate talking to people about my feelings because I care way too much about what they will think. So I decided to write a blog instead and it's really therapeutic! It's easier to have someone you don't know listening to you rather than people you do know.

[@hannahtimothy2336]

so many of your videos have helped me through things, from breakups to pressure on grades. Im so glad there are people like you.

[@SupremeRulerKitten]

This is exactly what I needed right now. I'm going onto high school and have been trying to act brave because all of my friends seemed to have what they're doing figured out. I've been feeling alone and neglected. Thanks for once again being my big sister!

[@KristenJSwan]

Your videos are always full of beautiful and nice words and suggestion, thank you for sharing part of your life and open up with us

[@GiorgiaHannah]

Carrie, I have exactly the same temperament as you in regards to never really letting my guard down with people or letting them know how I feel because I feel it will show signs of weakness and make me look like a less strong person than I know I am. But you are so right in saying that it's actually braver to ask for help so, we gotta be brave! I can't really imagine what you're going through right now, you're life must be such a whirlwind, but you Carrie are such a warrior and so comfortable in your own skin, and that just really emanates through you and it's so refreshing to see. Thanks for this video love xxx