Iyanla Vanzant Calls Black Women Out For Being Reckless | MadameNoire

Iyanla Vanzant explains why she feels women of color are out of order.
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Life coach Iyanla Vanzant explains why she feels women of color are "out of order" and need to work harder to make better decisions and actions.
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MADAMENOIRE is a passionate, cutting-edge web publication geared towards African-American women. The publication's mission is to unite black women at various stages of their lives, around a common aspiration for better, more fulfilling lifestyles. MADAMENOIRE provides breaking news, an open forum for discussion and cosmopolitan advice born from the lived experiences and needs of these women of color (which includes mothers, young professionals, fashionistas and intellectuals).
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Iyanla Vanzant Calls Black Women Out For Being Reckless | MadameNoire

[@cpeacenlove]

She is speaking SO much truth right now....

[@RaffineDebauche]

Can’t even get to wife??? Being a wife should come before being a mother. THAT’s the problem.

[@boipelop6522]

'Like crying when the unemployed booboo leaves us' 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@noahwinston3282]

boipelo polite That was everything.😃😃😃😃😃😃

[@liljaystaysflossin4499]

😂😂😂

[@whynot9068]

😂😂😂😂...to now "close your legs."

[@tboog8356]

@@whynot9068 😂😂😂

[@zyruemusic]

@Harry Knuckles EXACTLY CORRECT!!!

[@loisjeanwilliams]

Iyanla Vanzant is a marvel of a woman. Not only does she call Sisters out on some of our mess, she also gives us scholarly lessons of Black history too!

[@therelationshipmessenger-u6838]

Amen. Many of us are trying and we need each other. We need you. Please, continue to view those of us who want to make a difference. God bless you.

[@JokerG16]

Exactly. I'm 22. Girls my age still want that swag dude, rather than someone as debonair and classy as I am. Just sad. They want rocks, not gems.

[@NotoriousN_I_G_]

You’re almost 30, you married yet?

[@filosofastone1442]

How you made it about yourself is so amazing. 😂

[@issacyasrom3421]

@@filosofastone1442 right

[@Giagantus]

dude just because you claim ur debonair and classy doesnt mean u actually are. And women can sense that fake BS.

[@Mr21Daytime]

PART 6...Women (especially SOME bw because this is who I have seen this from) tend to have a bad attitude (nasty, or mean, or conceited, or trying to be manly) mistakenly thinking that these types of attitudes is what is strong or what makes them strong, when in fact it is just the opposite.

[@therelationshipmessenger-u6838]

Speak!

[@lavernerowden8509]

So true. Black women are the original woman and we have to be in our feminine energy. We have to attract what we want. Black men we need you and you need us. No one understands you the way we do. Black love.

[@praise650]

She said pluck your eye out and I spilled my drink. I wasn't expecting that lol, but I agree; sleeping with someone else's partner is beyond despicable.

[@CaliDreams1]

I have no children and no man runs/reigns in my life. I am an honorable & responsible woman. I sure as hell do not laying with anyone's boyfriend or husband.

[@Bnizzofashizzo]

And no one has chosen you to be their wife. So, the righteous indignation, get rid of it.

[@gigifernandez4581]

People will treat you the way you let them treat you....

[@Mr21Daytime]

PART 7...These negative attitudes make no one strong, but weak; because they show and reveal that women having these types of attitudes cannot relate to a man who is the GENTLEMAN and therefore the ideal man, because the GENTLEMAN does not carry or harbor any of those negative attitudes.

[@sagriffith1]

A female representative of the creator of the universe.. Man I could listen to her all day every day! I love that sister!

[@TheSweetestDiva1]

I love Iyanla's courage in saying these things and your courage in posting it. It's time to speak up!

[@nessalogan2732]

I've seen it and I think I am more upset when it comes to older bw because they are suppose to be an example to younger black girls and I think this is part of the message that Ms Vanzant is displaying.

[@Stevie66ful]

She is the truth.

[@gigifernandez4581]

So true what she says. As women we need to put ourselves first. It not about having a "man". We have to be happy with ourselves first.

[@Bnizzofashizzo]

When she says "pluck the eye out", which she uses sometimes, it cracks me up. This segment is rich...

[@erictoomer5665]

Sista Iyanla speaking that REAL 💯 #This is 8 Years Ago BTW

[@Mr21Daytime]

PART 2...Which means that a lot of good that black people, especially black men do, goes ignored by the media. I had to go to a black website to find out that lebron james has a foundation that helps single mothers.

[@2SavALife]

The Truth will set you FREE!!! Preach it Iyanla! Love Iyanla.

[@therelationshipmessenger-u6838]

Amen.

[@jenmar9428]

Came here because she just said that black women are still out of order. Love me some here ❤

[@jenaewhitmore]

This vid is so real and true it gives me faith to know at least some people still have sense! Things have been out of order for a long time and only one event in time, that has yet to come, can restore that order!

[@KingAquarius1990]

I would love to hear a lecture or just be in a class with her teaching. I love this rhetoric that is so real and true.

[@andrethethinker3498]

I just HOPE that more Black Women are ABLE to put aside their EMOTIONS and immaturity and REALLY ABSORB and APPLY the MESSAGE that the Sistah has delivered. 🤔🤔🤔

[@jwgreen101]

Wishful thinking, because no one can tell black women anything...even themselves.

[@mekichey129]

BW should Divest

[@jbsvoyce]

Before I watched the video, I was like "oh great, someone else talking about how the black community needs to get their act together" from another out of touch African American at that but after watching it, I had a change of heart. and to be honest with you, I can specifically pin point why I thought it was so different than most, it just was. however, I understand where you're coming from. We are def the only group of people that does this

[@ShannonMOReganSMO]

Love Iyanla.

[@ConcreteRose0219US]

Thank you for telling the whole truth and nothing but!!! I agree with everything she said, I’m like Iyanla, I couldn’t even do half the evil acts she mentioned, laying up with another woman’s husband, boyfriend, significant other. This is wrong on all type of levels!!! We as women, men and a people have to do better in life!!! God help us!!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@kevinmansell8746]

yes i am shame that black women are acting this way on reality tv

[@AyesheIsAlwaysLovely]

Forget the tv shows, these heffas carry on like this in REAL LIFE.

[@kevinmansell8746]

Heffa i do not see you getting out there and helping black people to keep calm

[@AyesheIsAlwaysLovely]

Big Man Kevin You're so big and bad, YOU go help them. I am done trying to help them. They're disrespectful, disloyal, badminded, and NOT to be trusted.

[@AyesheIsAlwaysLovely]

Micheal Johnson Black men aren't that bad, but Black women are HORRENDOUS!

[@kevinmansell8746]

i do not see you doing anything out in the public it is easy to say it here.but you would not dare to say it public

[@SeptiaWoman]

Ms. Vanzant stands "correct." Some black females should give just thought and STOP bowing down to "less than" males and instead, make them RISE UP to meet HER. End of story.

[@KtotheG]

That woman is twice divorced because she can't let a man tell her anything. Why would you listen to her for relationship advice? Smh. Attempting to mold grown men is a lost cause.

[@ayeshahutchingson8829]

I thank God for this woman! As much as it may hurt for some of us to hear this she's telling the truth! Instead of hating what she says try to really listen and learn to take a different approach to the way we live our lives. We have to stop the cycle somewhere.

[@aixareina6813]

That is RIGHT! I had to set myself free Iyana, I was one of those, Its through your book from "Pieces to Peace" I found my calling.

[@QueenAusetHeru]

yes!!!!! I love her!

[@jubileejamonit4677]

This was so good! Yes! Iyanla those words gave me life!

[@REDMICRADIO]

Iyanla hit it on the nail.

[@rachelku-paris2439]

I am so emotionally moved by your say. I can see why I am where I am. and why my mother has an arem of Best friend. In my case I trust. I have lost faith in friendship no one I can identify with. you seem so far away but your word had landed in my heart. Thank you for this knowledgeable moment. Dip and rich!

[@youngpros14]

your right! i have to admit i usually come across mean spirited black women but thats reality. but my situation will not change unless i look at myself and i had plenty of things that was wrong and why i was getting pushed around by these females. i changed myself and now i dont deal with the same shit. all men should look at themselves because if we wanted more than just sex, then women would do more cause we required more. but since all we want is sex, thats all they will give

[@HollywoodGlamGoddiss]

Beautifully Said. Thank you Iyanla.

[@shortandstuff]

Wow, I got chills. There is so much truth in her words. All women need to watch this and learn.

[@clwxrf6007]

Inyanla, you're telling the truth! Wish I could have received this lesson earlier in my life.

[@PineapplesCoconut]

she told the truth just google world star hip hop and youtube too many black women, ppl period fighting over stupid stuff and the majority are black but yet we get upset when other ethnicities view us as animals when we treat ourselves like that

[@vonjulius71]

Iyanla is right. If anyone is offended or disturb by this video it is because they are one or all of the women she describes in this video. We must ALL be honest with ourselves and accept these challenges for what it is and find a way to overcome them. The first step is admitting and removing toxic people and situations period. We must try to understand and discover ways to make our everyday living more purposeful, healthy and spiritual. Dr FAB "Spices of Life" Talk Radio Show

[@watdog2012]

Why does she have to apologize when she says be need to stop having babies with knuckle heads. That's very telling. Seems people even women are afraid to criticize bw. Why?

[@jwgreen101]

Kevin Samuels said this a year ago, he black afraid to black women because no one talk to black women🤦🏾‍♂️

[@Mr21Daytime]

PART 7...Also, you mentioned how the guys that "stepped out" on their wives were educated and had good jobs. You do realize that education and having a good job (although are important) are not synonymous with being a GENTLEMAN or a LADY right? In otherwords, having such things does not make or mean that a man is a gentlman or that a woman is a lady. It's about looking at yourself, and BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF, and changing yourself for the better.

[@lovingfaith5092]

Maybe you should stop preaching this to women and go talk to other black men about being great men for women..oh I forgot black men dont like addressing men you only want to adress women.

[@odiousj]

Thank you! So on point. Yes, we are out of order!

[@tikiholloway]

Ms Vanzant so so love your advice! Definitely the truth OUT OF ORDER.

[@ieyona]

She speaking the truth!!

[@lindabrown0]

Some of these outrageous behaviors result because the concept of shame is dead. The culture of "letting it all hang out" rules and reigns in society, hence the popularity of reality TV and the high ratings of exhibitionist women on KZbin.

[@p_virtuous]

"pluck your eye out right now!"....😂 Speak that truth Iyanla

[@tiffanybyers6430]

I love her, always so honest real and truthful! !!!!!

[@andrethethinker3498]

TEACH Sistah!! Your ABSOLUTELY Correct!! 😁😁👍👍

[@girliebuttercup]

Totally agree but unfortunately its a cycle. We have to raise our sons better and fight to keep our marriages and households together. These men are this way for a reason. Too many broken homes in our communities.

[@CabriniGreene]

See this is what you dont understand..the fact you had ONE out of wedlock will hinder your potential of EVER being a wife to a decent man. Men like that dont marry women with children. They create their own destiny. They dont fix other peoples problems.

[@SumerTime]

I hate the title and description for this vid, but I guess ppl use syntax in anyway they can to get views. Love Iyanla, willingly absorbing her knowledge.

[@honeybdream]

She's speaking the truth! We need to honour the beauty that God has placed in each of us. It should be about Loyalty & Love

[@kfuller1908]

L O V E this lady! Her show , her strong spirit. I really enjoy listening to her.

[@shutahekup]

True, but it will never change.

[@soulfulman1971]

Sisters have been loving Iyanla Van Zandt for years. But the one thing she says that they don't agree with, she can get "cancelled". They were gonna "cancel" her when she said "mothers destroy their sons". They don't want brothers to say anything bad about them because we're men and it's "none of our business". But Iyanla Van Zandt is a sister and they still have a problem. Also, sisters spent the whole of the '80s and '90s PUBLICLY dogging brothers on different talk show all the while pining for white men's affection. Oprah Winfrey built and empire off the backs of brothers. Terri McMillan wrote Waiting To Exhale and Alice Walker wrote The Color Purple. None of the sisters came to defend us. We took our lumps. It's their turn now.

[@zyruemusic]

HELLO!!!!

[@Mr21Daytime]

PART 5...In other words, society has told you nothing about the GENTLEMAN, just men, and therefore threw all of us men into the same pot, making no distinction between the different types of men that exist. Which causes many women to be unable to see the uniqueness among the different types/kinds of men that are out there.

[@zyruemusic]

PREACH!!!!

[@streetsufi6776]

I heard Nothing about how to treat the Upright Honorable, Accoutable, Resonsable Men....

[@lovingfaith5092]

@@streetsufi6776 because most of them dont exist in the black community.

[@streetsufi6776]

@@lovingfaith5092 So, because Most presumably don't exist, disregaurd the Ones that do...?

[@ManOfYah-work-in-progress]

@@lovingfaith5092 Lies. But SOME do and you don't choose to deal with them OR make yourselves Wife Material to get CHOSEN by the Good Ones. That's on YOU, not them. No excuses.

[@CabriniGreene]

I like her honesty but shes preaching to the choir. Women who listen to her already know these things. Come to Detroit where I live and speak to the hundreds of girls in this city who are 16,17,18 and have 2 or more children by different men.

[@MataraG]

I love it!! I am such a fan of Iyanla, I watch her shows and read her books.

[@LuckyBeautyLuverr]

Iyanla summed it up in a nutshell...knowing your history and honoring yourself is key....damn I love this woman lol

[@PappPolo773]

Y’all not ready to hear this shit. But men that’s actually worth a damn been saying this.

[@Mr21Daytime]

PART 3...Good Men/Gentlemen don't advertise ourselves like the non-gentlemen. We (gentlemen) watch the women who we are interested in from afar, like how women watch men they are interested in from afar, for a good period of time. If there is something that turns us off about her (such as cursing, treating others badly, being conceited, etc), I, for example, won't approach her.

[@Mr21Daytime]

PART 9...Then change yourself for the better because logic will tell you that good and bad do not mix, which is to say...Mr. Right will reject Ms. Wrong because the 2 do not go together. If men have to look at themselves and change themselves for the better to be with Ms Right/the LADY, so to do women have to do the same when it comes to Mr. Right/the GENTLEMAN.

[@DrGyalfren]

Thanks for that, Iyanla. I, along with 770 other people, appreciate your honesty. So you're the fixer, you fix people's lives, yes? On the OWN? Now how do we FIX THIS?!

[@lizh6578]

So many women don’t value themselves. They look for a certain type of man who already have baby mamas everywhere and not taking care of any of them.. Why would you want a man like that? Have a baby and you’ve just gave your life over to poverty and heart ache. And the next man happy to give you another baby.

[@1ChynaPink]

Thank you Iyanla, I needed to hear this.

[@Greenblood60]

If you were with the "unemployed booboo" in the first place, what the hell does that say about you?

[@ToniaNicole]

This woman is so deep yall man she is sharp to she really open my eyes in so many ways long as I’ve been watching her I’m sending this to my mother

[@nessalogan2732]

I agree and anytime we are called out, we start talking about what others are doing.

[@MysticStranger]

"Outta order!" LOL love it!

[@Da_Black_Man]

If a lady says "having a job is cool" that's what men strive for. Or a "nice responsible man is cool" that is what they will try to be. However "a man with edge" "Jordans is sexy" "he in jail" is what is praised by mom, gf, and music so here is the selection..🤷🏾‍♂️

[@purplechar19]

"Pluck yo eye out right now" Lol

[@stephencorbitt2752]

Never been a fan till today. She's beautiful.

[@arielwest9517]

Being independent and strong doesnt,mean we,do it all alone I grow up with my father down the hall and he taught me to be able to,lean others not depend

[@apriljones1329]

The pluck ya eye out part!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@memyself4ever1]

The irony is that she criticized Shahrazad Ali for her Book: The Black Man's Guide To Understanding The Black Woman on the Geraldo show back in 1990 when she was in the audience when she was saying the same things over 30 years ago.

[@BigShowDoG]

Exactly

[@aarongray1981]

I think now she sees bw differently and ready to call some of them out.

[@sandrajean3502]

I love her so much!! She keep me in focus!! All the time!!

[@Crillin112]

Glad you understand. We all encounter aspects of this issue, but what's different is the historical elements that "White" women simply don't have to deal with. Yet, ppl think it's exclusionary when Black people focus on those elements. We know we're all capable of helping each other cross culturally (Black women have been doing it for centuries), but instead of reciprocating, we just hear the insults and frustrations...so we detach and focus on our own issues...end of discussion.

[@themukisa11]

Preach!!!!

[@14omoon]

That was VERY powerful!

[@QueenMean2131]

She said pluck your eye out right now LOL!!!! Omg!

[@1983kboogie]

She speaking facts!!!

[@TheMajorEliteGroup]

I LOVE this message-Thank you Iyanla

[@Dreamgurlproductions]

Wow she's so right on this !

[@keenb3919]

She’s amazing Go’s bless her and bless us all.

[@KC-qr3wk]

And that’s why I love my sisters.

[@melindalee4574]

You betta speak, or answer me this or why as women especially my black women(I’m black as well and I love y’all but girl damn sometimes our attitudes😂)we catch another black woman looking us up and down with a look of she thank she doin something! Nooooo she’s just a confident woman that has to keep her head up high and stand in her greatness because this world we live in says we should bow down! So when we see the confident black woman let’s not automatically judge her let’s say show’em sis! because that women might have been a victim of domestic abuse, parent abuse, her own biological children abuse, teenage boyfriend abuse, employer abuse, let’s not forget other female abuse and the list goes on. She just might finally be at a point in her life that she can stroll and be confident. What they know about it.🌸

[@EricaYE6]

This should be common sense by now. Who needs someone to tell them NOT to sleep with men who aren't good for you? What advice is next? Not to play with a loaded gun? Black people can't possibly be this slow. This is embarrassing.

[@tiachantel]

Man She Preaching 💜

[@Random_Outlier]

Love this!

[@keanaellis4573]

Let the truth be told! Love her!

[@CabriniGreene]

I said HINDER..HINDER..not NEVER. READ!!!!!!!!

[@Magnolia5]

This is truth! I totally agree. We as women can do something to correct this. CHANGE is possible for all of us.

[@morganlynch1]

Iyanla speaks the truth. So proud of her.

[@namkebanyanklariti]

A lot of them are out of order in deed. Thank you for telling the truth Ilyana for once.

[@AyesheIsAlwaysLovely]

Go in, and let have Miss Iyanla!

[@tekishatjones]

I love her! She always keeps it do real!

[@Yellowgal72]

Listen to the lyrics of the song. A "wifey" is a good thing. It's a nickname for the term wife.

[@4268serena]

Preach! Teach!

[@LarryTeenMee]

My apologies, I went off into expressing on my 'own stuff'. Thank you for pointing it out.