Jennifer Rothschild: The Good Life (LIFE Today)

[@rnspamela]

Absolutely LOVE Jennifer !!!

[@carlavornheder8460]

I walked into a group starting a study on Amos only because I am wanting to work at fellowship with the women at my church. I was reluctant to do this. I have problems getting along, especially with women. But I believe that it is what God wants for me. I am single (lifetime), and childless. I have trouble getting along with people because of my disability. In the past at church I have often not joined the women's ministry. No one has been cruel or anything, but I see the looks that pass between them. I feel very unwanted. As a lonely Christian woman, I understand that I am not welcome to get very close to the pastors at our church. People will talk, but I feel so alone. I've grown used to alone-ness. There are advantages. If I am totally selfish, nobody is going to know a lot of the time. So, here I am in this ladies' bible study on Amos. I didn't know that this study was about humility, but I spoke up in class. I expressed some foolish answer to a question the leader asked. As we were ending the study, I spoke up again. I told them that whenever I hear a silence at church, I feel like I have to speak up. Back in high school, I won a National Merit Scholarship. At the time, that embarrassed me. As a 55 year old woman, however; I often wear that National Merit scholarship as a badge of honor. I am smart. God has given me that. Anyway, you mentioned stress chatter in the workbook. I had never heard about that. I have observed with confusion, that when I speak up and express my thoughts, it's like I am giving my words away, but tend to forget them in my own lack of growth. On New Year's this year, I felt God telling me that He wanted me to talk to him about things I learn from the Bible and not share them with everybody else. That requirement has lasted through the 8 months since it came. I have not wanted to study if I can't share. That shouldn't be right. What you said though, about stress chatter, that it is not just a nervous manner of irritating the people around me, that it is the way my heart and mind shed God's conviction. I have been thinking about doing a study of the Pharisees. I think that what Jesus was calling them out for was very much like what I do with stress chatter, share the conviction that God has given to me with others. Jesus talked about the Pharisees strapping requirements onto the backs of others, without bothering to work God's conviction into their own lives. I think that that's part of why God wanted me to talk to Him instead of others.

[@carlavornheder8460]

Continuing with what I am not sure I should be sharing. I spoke to the ladies after the meeting was breaking up. I asked for their forgiveness. I told them that whenever I hear a silence, I feel like I have to fill it. And because I was a National Merit Scholar, I always wanted to share something that was very smart. But sometimes, I didn't have anything smart to say. But I felt compelled to try, and I could tell that it kinda bothered them. I just asked for their forgiveness. Humility. God was working on me about humility. And I find myself working through this study, and you said that a lot of it was about humility. That is so cool. Humility is so hard. I have learned that just knowing that I need it and trying to be humble doesn't seem to work. I get proud of my humility and stop trying to be humble because it just seems impossible. I have been thinking about this. I think that the only way to get humility (God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.) is to ask God for it. I've been asking Him for humility. I don't want to be such a prideful nuisance to my friends. But God wants more than that. If God loves me, He would like a little love back, I think. As an unmarried woman, I have observed that God is different (a little, sometimes) in his ways with me. It's like He is actually my husband now in some ways. I am beginning to appreciate being single, sorta. I want more. I am looking forward to this study.