Joe Lycett - Winners Don't Eat At Subway

[@fat_old_sun]

Joe Lycett is the best at calmly describing how he methodically pisses people off. More please!

[@SurfMastery-kz6je]

not as good as louis ck

[@sharonrae324]

Joe is the best

[@elsamsung1133]

@@SurfMastery-kz6je Two completely different styles..?!

[@filipratkovic5561]

One of best joke writers in the world: He's very muscular, he can lift a car, "Cars move themselfves, you wasted your life" XDDDD

[@The_upstarts]

In the world??? Have you not heard of the kings of comedy?

[@amelie-qf7yl]

@@The_upstarts no, i haven't

[@Malky24]

One woman absolutely loving it, everyone else confused.

[@beckyjenkinson0]

Malky24 probably a British women 😂

[@johnnycop77]

His mum.

[@clovermx1472]

Malky24 everyone else has heard him say the joke before

[@GH29111]

Becky definitely British you can hear the cockney in her laugh

[@Anansipelli]

You can see her in a few frames, its 2 women on the upper tier

[@RK-ep8qy]

I like how he changed GCSEs to exams and Gregg's sausage roll to British sausage roll for the Canadian audience 😂

[@chanceencounter176]

This was in Canada.

[@RK-ep8qy]

@@chanceencounter176 well Canada is in North America isn't it

[@chanceencounter176]

Well I guess you're right lol

[@RK-ep8qy]

@@chanceencounter176 haha sorry I'll change it

[@rosiefay7283]

I would like it if Americans would remove American references for British audiences, but it seldom happens that way round, does it.

[@AnaisIsAce]

People saying the audience isn’t laughing - They are! It’s just they didn’t mic the audience up. That’s because it’s not a TV show recorded with the sound setup. The noise of the audience is probably recorded through Joe’s mic, which means it probably only picks up stray, loud laughs from the front row. If you look at their faces they’re all smiling and laughing!

[@seththrobot]

It looks like they also have stage mics which is meant for the performers but that’s probably how they got so many stray laughs, seeing as how a single mic wouldn’t pick all that up lol

[@simon_969]

Hearing him roast his trainer is the best thing ever lmao

[@sharnabanana2319]

Cars move themselves , you be wasted you're life! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Sfumatura]

This looks a lot like comedian HUGO BOSS

[@maxrobinson4835]

dracmus4711 think you mean the comedian formally known as Hugo boss

[@miikieo6603]

XD

[@trickytreyperfected1482]

@@maxrobinson4835 Did Hugo Boss change his name to Joe Lycett?

[@janiemoge4153]

Trey Atkins yeah

[@rosiejoy4871]

he changed it back

[@vlada1582]

The phrase "pissing flakes everywhere" will never fail to make me laugh

[@myalight368]

Õ

[@myalight368]

Lol ii

[@sarcasmo57]

Not Chinese but willing to try.

[@sunny__studio__]

Haha me :)

[@fintanbeirne7261]

Mia Smith fetishising Chinese people is not only unacceptable but borders on racist. You really need to re-evaluate your comment and educate yourself on these issues. I don’t want you to feel attacked but I think it’s important you know this. Many thanks Finn x

[@Janis.7-]

@Mia Smith well why don’t you try it for awhile ?

[@Venge198]

Chi-curious

[@eylab1541]

@@fintanbeirne7261 dude, that was just a pathetic comment. Get a life.

[@LaSolipop]

"Cars move themselves, you've wasted your life." - Pure excellence.

[@devolinedits4481]

"MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THERE CAN'T WIN CUSTODY OF THEIR OWN KIDS" I'm dying. LMFAO

[@drugstoreeyeliner9936]

'Any gays in here?' *silence*

[@konradfabiszewski1490]

"has anyone heard of gays?" 😂

[@DankSoulsVoid]

I heard one meek whoo lol sure that dude was like shit dont look at me

[@kathybarton7573]

JFL is in Montreal. They definitely have heard of gays.

[@TheMightsparrow]

They don't want to get beaten up outside 😁

[@jonymarjoram4092]

Would have been great if everyone yelled when he said anyone killed any gays

[@sophierender1995]

Bisexual means ‘you’re all at risk’ cracked me that 😂

[@alba279]

He looked so good here!! Can't believe he was 25, he's such an old soul...an old lady's soul 😂

[@Agnes1439]

Hugo Boss is so young in this, such a small Hugo Boss

[@BethStar11]

It took me way too long to get this joke.

[@rosiejoy4871]

he changed his name back

[@sasukesarutobi3862]

Does that make him a mini-Boss?

[@JoeBleasdaleReal]

Sounds so unnatural how he changes “Greggs sausage roll” to “British sausage roll”

[@davetrivers6495]

To a non-UK ear, that sounds sexual. I can see why he changed it.

[@JoeBleasdaleReal]

If you think that sounds sexual, Greggs’ version of cronuts were launched as “Greggnuts” 😂😂😂

[@lunaangeleclipse9745]

@@davetrivers6495 Rather than that, i think he changed it because outside of the UK, not many people know Greggs is the name of a pastry shop

[@crissy4445]

How the hell is ‘Greggs’ a sexual word, sounds like the name of a violent crime 😂

[@RStapleton100]

Dave Trivers Are you mental? It’s obviously because an American audience wouldn’t know what Greggs is.

[@fduranthesee]

Yes. I recently cameout to my mom as Chinese.

[@GH29111]

PrimalTheEmperor (primal9000) always knew you loved noodles

[@candle_carl5348]

Sounds rough... when I came out as Australian I was shunned for weeks. How did it go for you?

[@TallSilentGuy]

The problem is that you feel an urge to do the same thing again about half an hour later.

[@ZeIrish]

He stands like Roger from American dad.

[@lukeforrester7570]

Zip it Franny!

[@VeginMatt]

WTH..you're right..now I can't unsee that!

[@xxSydneyFox]

Yes!!!!

[@lilathereal1278]

No no. He IS roger from America dad. Just a little straighter.

[@trentbell2718]

WOW ITS TRUE

[@ninapartofbtsdnataekook9491]

1:56 that girl at the top is the best one of all the audience.

[@Movzhuru]

the guy is fantastic. i'll go search more videos of him.

[@barbp1357]

Also search "Joe Lycett's Got Your Back".

[@NyanyiC]

Listen to his audiobook

[@sebfox2194]

Check out his parking fine story!

[@jessicaj8564]

He needs to do more stand up!!I like him so much 😂

[@29jgirl92]

Yes, totally agree!

[@lairy__fights7854]

Jessica J this guys a national treasure in British comedy don’t worry he’s done plenty and is pretty famous. One of my favourite comedians.

[@jessicaj8564]

@@lairy__fights7854 I mean stand up

[@piyam5000]

@@jessicaj8564 yes stand up he's done lots

[@jessicaj8564]

@@piyam5000 I've tried to find videos, however theres just a couple on youtube. Where are the "loads" of his vids uploaded then?

[@aaronwalcott513]

Joe has apparently made it his life's work to always come out on top. You have to respect the man's perfect win-at-life streak.

[@croftmire]

I saw him do the Subway joke on another occasion and there was an extra punchline that was omitted here: that afterwards, upon learning from the receipt he’d not got the discount, he returned to complain and the girl said the M & M cookie wasn’t eligible for the deal.

[@robertschwartz4810]

One if my three favorites. (Along with Jim Gaffigan and John Mulaney).

[@uwaisyouii7847]

I can hear Arthur from Joker laughing in this video

[@PomegranateStaindGrn]

He could possibly be the best Katharine Hepburn impersonator ever.

[@jakelevinson7802]

I suppose by your icon that we’re all at risk

[@rsuffridge1]

"You've wasted my time here, so I left with the cookie."

[@macomg.7169]

Gosh I'm in love with him

[@katanyajason3316]

"Like a boomerang with psoriasis" 😂

[@jadewalker2636]

I work at a subway and I've had the cookie thing happened to me! XD we cant give out the meal deals if the customer doesn't take the cookie or the crisps so I tell them to give it to someone and they just give it to me after loll

[@Lild220978]

I always wondered what Julian Clearly’s son would be like

[@SHlV]

Honestly think the comedy is lost with American crowds

[@maddoctor99]

Shiv it’s not lost on them. It’s just that, if it doesn’t have a laugh track like Big Bang Theory and the other garbage sitcoms churned out by the US, they don’t know how to react... The exception is that they’ll laugh like crazy at bad stand-up (Louis CK anyone?) but only on the condition that they laugh at the wrong moments...

[@johngregg6820]

@@maddoctor99 Mmmm yes more generalizations please.

[@rickydevon9399]

Probably don't even know what a sausage roll is over there... I've tried to get them out there each time I've gone and never found one

[@rjploops]

This is a Canadian audience. Technically still North American but probably not what you meant.

[@SHlV]

@@rjploops same thing

[@sarahholland1375]

Clive had no idea what he was taking on 😁

[@emmagbates]

The way people were laughing reminded me of four weddings and a funeral 😂😂

[@greenbaron7781]

TheOdd1sOut: Am I a joke to you?

[@realGeorgelucas18563]

Harry Bellaby winners eat Sooubway

[@janrees4887]

Joe Lycett is so hilarious

[@jeremiah2012]

This guy is great, can't wait to see more.

[@MsKeebe]

I’m reading PARSNIPS, BUTTERED and he is so witty!

[@AntoineRx]

I've read it too, it's amazing!!

[@loonybinreject]

The audiobook is great. Hearing his inflection on the jokes it excellent.

[@Spitzy_]

It actually pissed me off how much the audience didn't actually laugh, Joe is so much funnier then these twats make him as

[@w0bblegirl]

did we watch the same video?? people were laughing really hard, especially for an american crowd

[@taotoo2]

They just needed to turn up the audience microphones.

[@davetrivers6495]

The one lady in the back was going and going...

[@boffyboydj]

Are you actually Maltese ?

[@bosniangamesms8957]

Because it ain't funny, only thing that was funny was when he said I'm bisexual so all of you are at risk and that cookie part, the rest is trash because he's just being an asshole

[@caram6073]

I get a subway every Friday evening on my way from uni to work it’s literally SUCH a big treat for my week lol

[@Nat-rc8kl]

I ordered a salad and a water because I’m a gangsta! 😂

[@L33tSkE3t]

“I am not a gay, I am THE gay,” Joe Lycett. 😂

[@teresamulhern]

I love Joe Lycett so much. I would happily marry him I he would have me! lol

[@WillandTony]

cant you tell hes not into that kind of thing?

[@teresamulhern]

Will Anthony oh, I know that. It’s just a comment.

[@bdufka]

@@WillandTony so he's not bi? why would he lie? or is there a joke I'm not getting? I'd probably marry him too, would love to meet him, he could teach me how to not give a shit but still be lovable :D

[@WillandTony]

@@bdufka comedians lie all the time. He probably is bi, but lets be honest hes not likely to be the marrying type. I'd reccomend chilling out on fauning over comedians. Ive met quite a few and most are complete basket cases. Just like hollywood actors, they put up a good facade, but they're usaully horrible

[@SamGlaze]

Will Anthony take your own advice, but just full stop at “I’d recommend chilling out”

[@deovolente5867]

A guy in the background at 1:23 looks like Evan Edinger 🤔

[@fourbypete]

He kills me everytime.

[@annesilva3542]

The subway bit absolutely true, the only time I remember eating there it was around 4 or 5 am and I was wearing a full joker outfit sitting with my friends Batman a cowboy and an evil priest, we were coming back from a Halloween party but I’m sure we looked crazy, makeup all messed up and still a bit pissed, eating like it was the best sandwich ever made

[@666ARISH]

1:58 I am going to get that laugh in my nightmares

[@IDDQDSound]

It's more funny because I KNOW these stories are true. Most comedians tell comical stories, but Joe Lycett lives these moments and we've all seen it :)

[@heatherballantyne]

Joe or should I say Hugo lol is hilarious 😄

[@dgirllamius____x]

Boomerang with psoriasis 🤣🤣🤣

[@charlottedarcy-pavier8689]

I was laughing so hard I was crying and had to put my book down 🤣

[@hoodiegamer9256]

I wonder what my life would be if stand up comedy never existed 😂😂😂 omg these guys are creative and funny. Binge watching these videos out here

[@Jane.MacArthur]

Heard that cookie joke hundreds of times and it still makes me laugh out loud 😂

[@tck086]

@4:17 there is a shadowy ghost figure floated by the back of the wall!! Can’t be human.

[@jamessheehy4895]

Bee keeper outfit joke gold!

[@hudsonmiranda411]

Joe is an amazing comedian! I love his work!

[@susiewolf4318]

The story about the cookie is hilarious 😂

[@cwdeans7192]

"Brap brap and all that"

[@nhokonhokopuala]

His hands are in a Mr Burns position😂🤣 that got me so mesmerised....

[@leanneblake4248]

Joel is A Scream . : ) Love him. Cracks me up. I always think about his encounter with SWEATY SHARON.

[@cindyo6298]

He's like a blonde Buster Bluth from Arrested Development

[@29jgirl92]

Oh my god, I can't unsee it now!!!

[@tranquilrabies]

He's a Milford man!

[@LEADERCHICKADEE]

i used to work at 3 different SUBWAY locations in the province of Alberta, Canada. Back in the early 2000's, the slogan for SUBWAY in Canada was "Eat Fresh." Now it is "Think Fresh. Eat Fresh." or something like that. We never had that weird cookie deal he spoke of. We did have a "Meal Deal", where you could add on a drink and either a bag of chips or a cookie for an extra charge, that would cost less than if you bought a sandwich, beverage, and side separately. At the first location i worked for in the City of Spruce Grove, 3 guys came in late one night, and each were at different stages of drunkenness. The most drunk guy was about to pull down his pants and piss on a cardboard cut-out of our Spokesperson, Jarred. For those who do not know, Jarred was the guy who lost a lot of weight from eating SUBWAY every day and became the North American Spokesperson because of that. Pissing on his cardboard cut-out would have been against the law! So i told Drunk #3 no, if he did piss on it, i would have to ask him to leave. His much less drunk friend (let's call him Drunk #1) told him to do up his belt. Drunk #2 just laughed a lot. Then i proceeded to ask them if they wanted double cheese and double meat. They were so drunk they said yes, even triple cheese was fine for one of them. They were so drunk that guy #3 almost forgot to take his insanely big sandwich filled with a ton of cheese and meat! i was working alone at the front counter, which could have been unsafe. Looking back, what i should have said was "Piss off!" Luckily the Jehovah dude i was working with came out of the back and told them to stop bothering me. He was tall and would have punched their lights out in a heartbeat. SUBWAY is an interesting company to work for. So many interesting, weird, and/or quirky customers show up. Do you have any stories of interesting SUBWAY customers or employees?

[@DanButcher303]

I love the woman laughing at 1:59

[@madworldx9]

KZbin literally played a Subway ad before this video 😅

[@_morgan_7839]

I only see Hugo Boss here

[@AmandaInEly]

I think you are going to get me through social isolation. But I'll have to ration you. It's great to laugh out loud!

[@bubblez172737]

Lol I was just offered a cookie by some dude outside smoking yesterday lmao It was chocolate chip. It was great.

[@joolsfromtheborough]

Bladder incontinence it's a possible side effect when watching Joe Lycett!

[@xxSydneyFox]

Be sitting on the toilet like me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ivylasangrienta6093]

This was taped like 6 years ago.

[@MrPaultopp]

Ivy Ruonakoski and? .....Elvis films were made years ago but people still enjoy those

[@KateFergeson]

This is easily one of my favs by Lycett

[@lordtachanka903]

A bisexual man telling me not to eat meatballs lmao

[@zanewoollett6877]

I love that one woman up in the balcony 😂

[@rollothecat2010]

I love his stories. I do hope they are all true just as I hope James Acaster's stories are true and Bob Mortimer's.

[@NavIsBalD]

It's Hugo boss now!

[@Zathren]

Oh man, very funny. Guy had me chuckling through out. This channel needs more funny people.

[@1234smileface]

They didn't get his humour like we would in Ireland and the UK, ah well

[@joyjoy-u6t]

I'm Canadian and I did. Audience was lame. I love this guy! Always makes me laugh!

[@jayt8124]

I thought he doesnt give it to her cos the cookie she liked wasnt part of the offer

[@rajnadar6555]

Yea, that is the version I remembered as well...he def changed it for this event.

[@josephcarew3594]

Was glad to see an earlier version of the cookie bit

[@Kizzy_Owens]

I always knew I loved noodles 🍜😂

[@ghina7eyes]

is that Evan Edinger in the background at 1:23

[@rorybone100]

His stand-up is way better than his quiz show stuff.

[@xavierrose8208]

"I'm 25" Joe, you're 31...

[@gregbutton811]

Time is a crazy thing

[@SoulKingBK]

He like if roger the alien was a british human.

[@MrHammoreds]

Joe is a real talent and likeable too, hopefully he has a long career ahead. The only problem with this set is that I was continually distracted by the blond at the front. As others have said, the audience seem to love the material, the laughter sound is natural, on practically all TV, audience sounds are massively over-dubbed, X-Factor and Britain/USA Got Talent franchise are amongst worst offenders. Keep it up Joe, you are a breath of fresh air mate!

[@tammypearce7491]

Funny, just what I needed today.

[@brummie0007]

I wonder why Joe doesn't have a Brummie accent, because he's from Hall Green!

[@chelseayoung9797]

Because, as he's said before, he was "born better" 😂

[@TCt83067695]

What is his accent then pls?

[@brummie0007]

@@TCt83067695 not really sure Middle England may be, but it's certainly not a Brummie accent!

[@chelseayoung9797]

@@TCt83067695 generic posh 😂😂

[@TCt83067695]

@@chelseayoung9797 duly noted lol

[@zackattackjoseph7279]

**Can’t even win the custody of their children!** lolololol

[@zackattackjoseph7279]

What kind of cookie do you want?!

[@Pixie.Little]

JUST LOVE YOU JOE. GREAT HUMOUR MOST BASED ON GREAT TRUTHS. BRILLIANT AND VERY CLEVER. LEEDS UK😂👍😊👌❤️

[@lostleftleg]

I just realised he's wearing a crave vesper (vibrator) necklace.... i didnt think it was possible to like this guy more

[@moomoopuppy5810]

I love him on the "Big Fat Quiz" series, QI, AND Taskmaster.

[@sphlish2]

6:41 i died of laughing !

[@leonorf2730]

Imagine being that oblivious to someone flirting with you.

[@enobnala90]

Lol. I’m actually fascinated by attitude towards subway.

[@Burgerboy118]

Is that Evan edinger at 1:24

[@kiradotee]

Hahaha. Left with the cookie. Classic. 🤣🔥

[@just-tess]

brap brap and all that 😂

[@davidw1518]

Joe / Hugo, you're brilliant!

[@beautyh.9898]

He’s gold

[@OOK11]

That sheet he pulls out at beginning is printed from a scroll

[@coolcomics]

I love Joe man he is class