Joe Budden Gives Advice to Closeted Father

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[@cmoulden78]

I grew up thinking my stepfather was my real father. As I got older I found out he wasn't my real dad and it didn't matter a bit and I still call him dad to this day.

[@SW-oc2pp]

If a child was raised by someone for the first 10-15 years of his life and you've been nowhere to be found, you can't just come take that kid. That's gonna be traumatic for that child!

[@user-bo8jw3es4b]

I agree, fatherhood is not a light switch.

[@mixtapeweezy6871]

what about 9 years? 7? 6? 4?

[@SW-oc2pp]

@@mixtapeweezy6871 Really, any age over infancy. I work with children professionally and if you separate a child abruptly from the only parent they know--particularly after they've already lost a parent abruptly (remember, the mother passed), the risk of psychological trauma is HUGE. The child would need to build a relationship with his biological father gradually and then the child should be able to choose who they live with full time. Both fathers should have visitation either way, so long as neither is abusive. My mother was raised by her step father so they were close. When he split from her mom, she continued to visit him and it woulda fucked her up of her mom didn't let her see him because that was her dad in her heart even though she knew they weren't biologically related.

[@marcuslawson6800]

Legally I believe you can.

[@SW-oc2pp]

@@marcuslawson6800 legally...perhaps. But it WILL 9/10 hurt the child.

[@AndreaClinton]

Ish is right. By law, the father who raised him has rights also. Biological father cannot just come and take him.

[@Jrfusion08]

Depends on the state. And typically only if there is paperwork (signed birth certificate, married at the time of birth, acknowledgment of paternity, etc.). Other than that, the default is almost always the surviving parent gets custody right away if they want and can be proven to be the parent and not unfit.

[@judahtrippin]

I'm going through this currently and I really appreciate Ish understanding.

[@EliteBlackSash]

This is the importance of considering the full impact of your decisions, man. You gotta think about how it’s going to carry into the future even if you’re gone. This girl left hell on earth behind.

[@RASHON49]

This literally happened with my brother. He lived with me and mom his whole life then our dad died and his mom wasn’t gonna just take him😂 this his momma you just his mother if cared you would’ve always been there, when his dad passed you would’ve had legs to stand on, blood don’t make you family.

[@dobia4486]

Nigga what?

[@Deburrus]

I thought I was the only one 🤣

[@skyexmonique]

This title got me thinking the daddy was gay or something🤨

[@DualityUnlimited]

I knew I wasn’t the only one!

[@thedude7496]

That’s really tricky bc even if you tell them at a young age now they might feel like they don’t have to listen to you since you’re not their “real dad” and if mom ain’t there to put em in check that’s a tough spot

[@newtwirl-order7449]

good point, ain't no telling if the real dad will accept the challenge and now you gotta deal with the stuff u just mentioned. right when u think u have it figured more possible conditions emerge. now he/she can possibly feel deceived and rejected. this is a delicate situation, you're going to need precision to make sure no one gets hurt in the end.

[@dj_matanzaa]

I had a friend who found out at about age 13 that his father wasn’t the real dad and I remember there being a lot of resentment and conflict. That teenage angst amplified. But I feel like it’s still better than keeping the secret and just gotta deal with the fallout.

[@jamelabumpass7876]

That's a heavy legal situation. In a lot states if you are a married woman and have a baby that baby LEGALLY is your husband's regardless of the paternity. I've seen this too many times.

[@jozeffpierre1717]

That’s what I was thinking. It’s not mother’s spouse vs biological father. It’s legal guardian vs biological father. And the courts would probably side with the legal guardian unless they deemed him unfit for some reason.

[@marcusone553]

If the guys name is on the birth certificate that other dude has no rights

[@GodsonSublime]

Ish surrounded by the wrong people for this conversation. I feel you, Ish.

[@moringaottawa]

The editing is tuff 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

[@csharden02]

Good convo

[@dlakersnation2379]

Legally you can’t just wake up one day and tell the other person give me my child back smh. We all wish it was that easy!

[@AndreaClinton]

Gotta get him to understand he loves him also & wanna be a part of his life. I've seen it happen. At first the bio father was like naa, gonna be too confusing and i wanna bond with my son (10mnth old, mother abandoned him). Boy was happy for abt 2 days but he noticed the boy acting as if someone stripped him of his soul, and after 2 mnths, got worse, wd not eat, just shed tears and stare out. So he called other Dad and asked him if he'd like to visit. He said yeah and when the baby saw him, came back to life. Smiled, laughed, cried and kept looking at his face, grabbing his face. So he asked him to be a part of the son's life. And he gets him several days a week. I was so happy to hear that 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@antionecorbett2793]

Wild scenario but facts

[@Jrfusion08]

That's how it should go. Whatever is in the best interest of the kid should guide the adults. If the kid says he wants to be with his biological, let him be with his biological. If he wants to remain with his non-biological dad, let him do that too. At the end of the day, the kid has to be the priority because if the adults get possessive the kid will suffer the mental trauma. - Guy raised by his step dad since he was 2

[@100rosesart8]

This whole convo needs to be thrown out.

[@TreGetem1]

Damn. This my first time seeing parks 🤣. Pictured him kind of looking older kind of like vlad in a way 🤣

[@SmiggX]

This title is crazy I was sitting here like what episode did I miss that this clip is from but then I was like oh I heard this that's a crazy way to phrase this lol

[@yungfresh361]

I'm with Ish all the way on this topic. It's not as simple as, "you're not my blood so go be with your real father now."

[@reddevil2062]

I know a dude I went school with who found out his father wasn’t his real father and he ran away because he was angry his mom lied to him for 15 years. He tried to find his real dad but couldn’t then turned to crack cuz his head was messed up. 3 years later he OD’d. These fellas talking about this just brought all that back. My advice, tell the child when they’re 10 like joe said because as soon as they feel like you lied to them it’s a wrap.

[@TharsanJeyachandran]

lit ep.

[@Idk-er6ym]

Where can I watch the full thing?

[@lolukush]

Really good topic. When to tell the kid - as soon as they are able to comprehend, but not while they are still trying to understand what happened to mom. When to tell biological dad - depends on his relationship with mom. If he is not active in his sons life and does not reach out upon finding out mom just died, then you tell him when it suits you and your family. But overall, this is all touch and go. No right or wrong answer here.

[@cashk100]

I wouldn’t be surprised if the child already knows. There are no secrets in extended families. The fact that he’s even thinking about this means to me that the child has already felt the energy.

[@danielgranger173]

Not true at all

[@censorshipagainstthemiddle6198]

@@danielgranger173 fa real. The fact the mother died has nothing to do wit his thoughts???

[@bennybop5387]

Extremely stressful situation his wife bestowed upon him. There really is no right answer, cuz there are so many potential variables to it. And like anything with children/people its damned if u do damned if u dont..despite the purest intentions.

[@AnimationandJunk]

SICK title….

[@kasseen]

nasty

[@BigChrisENT]

You just casually gonna rip this kids whole life apart. His mom died, he's been calling this man dad for who knows how long, then all of a sudden you wanna come take him away for good? I'm a father just like Joe and Ice, I'm in all my kids lives full time, and I still think they sound crazy. What you mean come get him? You not even gonna ask your son how he feels about all this? To protect your rights legally fellas, if you wanna be step Daddy, adopt those kids on paper. Or if the dad won't give his rights up you can become their legal guardian on paper. This only works if the other parent is literally never around

[@Jrfusion08]

Other item of note is age, if the kid is over 12 the court typically asks the kid what do they want to do. That would be most men saving grace in this scenario. But other than that... it could get tricky trying to keep your non-biological child following the mother's death and a protest by the biological father.

[@beans301]

emotions aside, at some point consider medical issues that are ties with a parent thats not discovered until the child starts to go through it

[@deesee2051]

Exactly and also what if the child grows up and gets involved in a relationship with a relative because they don’t know that side of their family

[@marvintoney4363]

That’s OUR kid…!!!

[@jay_1212]

Bro y’all wild for the title

[@Lemmholddat]

Joe pants pissed me off bow I want a pair

[@TheJaypull]

Ish is right any child in the marriage is legally automatically assumed to be a child of that marriage it goes both ways so unless the other father acknowledged in the court he would have a uphill fight

[@Thrivel]

I’m actually with Ish on this

[@aleon3000]

Thats UncleDaddy

[@ivorietowers2763]

Crazy thing is it’s not unreasonable for the two dads to work together for the betterment of the kid. I mean the child did suffer the loss of their mom so I would think two mature men who understand that it’s not about them would prioritize the need of their son if that was the case. But hey 🤷🏾‍♂️

[@Jaleney]

Damn that's a heavy story what in the hell, great advice given though!

[@ShamsiaK]

Min 9:57 I FELT THAT

[@livinthedream5039]

Ish is 1000% correct.

[@sammyshafty3485]

I agree with Joe and Ice on when to tell the kid. You can't have them thinking they whole life a lie - Ish wildin with the waiting until they grown position. But I agree with Ish about parental custody - idk if the absentee dad has the right to come take they kid back if another man has done more to contribute to said kid's growth and development. You just gotta think about what's best for the kid imo. And if the child's old enough to decide, let them decide. Tough situation.

[@JJRegal4]

Perhaps I missed it, but it wasn't clear whether or not the biological father is even aware that the child is his. I think a lot of people are just assuming this was a parent who wasn't in the picture and would just now be deciding that he wants his kid. But what if it's "yo I know you were unaware this whole time, but such and such is your kid."

[@poloralphy69]

I'm coming for mines....

[@Jeyapollo]

I’m with Ish 100% if I been raising a kid who isn’t biologically mine but I treat them as my own kid. You not finna just come and take the kid. Also, the kid might not wanna go with the biological dad. Joe and Ice missing that point

[@domomosley]

The only thing I don’t get. If you are 100% going to keep raising the kid.. why bring up the biological father in the first place? Why would you put yourself in a position to potentially lose that battle. In the scenario that was given it just doesn’t make sense

[@Jeyapollo]

@@domomosley why would you not tell the kid? The child deserves the right to know who his/her father is. By not telling them, that’s just lying to them. You’ll have a guilty conscience

[@domomosley]

@@Jeyapollo but you just said “you not finna just come and take the kid” that doesn’t make logical sense. I understand not telling the kid causes issues.. but to go and tell the father they have a kid and then turn around and not give the father a chance to raise the kid doesn’t make sense.. that’s just me though. Especially going on the situation that was spoken before still doesn’t add up to me.

[@willskywalk]

Sound like kidnapping tbh.

[@tiroramfolo1700]

You’re making this about you and not the best interest of the child. You can’t keep a child hostage cause of pride you feel about how much you’ve contributed. If you raised the child well and with love, when the child is old enough to comprehend what’s going on he’ll stay with the step parent. But the child has to be given all the correct information to make that decision. It’s the child’s right to know their biological parents if they desire to. You have no right to deny them that right

[@cassandrasmith2727]

He should take that secret to the grave.

[@FloridaGiant305]

Absolutely!!! 🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾

[@whh3571]

Legally whoever signed the birth certificate as the father is the father and in some cases that birth certificate outweighs a blood test. There's men paying child support simply because they signed a birth certificate 💯

[@MiracleBadu]

I work in family court Ish is right. Every state is different but in a lot of states the man who is married to a woman giving birth is presumed to be the father regardless of if he actually is or not and the bio dad has no claim. You can’t just come take a child out of their living situation because you think you’re the father. If you believed that was your child it should have been established while the mother was alive. Uprooting a child’s life like that is traumatic and a judge wouldn’t do that.

[@YeahLuHoops11]

Parks and Ish 💯

[@antionecorbett2793]

I believe if they have a arrangement where visitation is allowed. Then the child/ren can still have both men as a active figure in there life.

[@marcusone553]

I’m raising a child that’s not mine started dating the mom when she was about 3-4 months old she told me the situation (the father didn’t want to be involved as it came out he had a family of his own) 8 years later she calls me dad. I’M HER FATHER POINT BLANK PERIOD my girl had gave him the opportunity to be in her life twice and he didn’t want to I’ll be damned if he tries to come in her life later on and the tough part will come later cause she truly believes I’m her real dad me and her mom have 3 kids together and she’s already asking why her brother and sister have features she doesn’t (curly hair darker complexion ) so i know that day is coming where we’ll have to sit down and tell her but anyways you can’t just come in a kids life after 10-12 years and try to take them blood don’t make you nothing now days

[@Alexa-mj9gq]

Do it sooner than later. Handle with extreme care and validation. That 10/10 fucked my brother up. He found out about that age and had a destructive period

[@marcusone553]

@@Alexa-mj9gq she already has an idea she just doesn’t understand it I’m black and she’s white before me and now wife lived together she would hear my wifes other siblings call her grandpa dad so she then calling her grandpa dad up until me and her mom had our son she then asked if she could call me dad the thing is she was 3 years old at the time and I’m starting to think she doesn’t remember based off the questions she’s been asking we’re going to wait til she’s 10-12 to fully explain to her to where she understands

[@fatphilly80sbaby]

Random....just realized I'm not missing Rory or Mal Great topic guys!

[@fyemusicplug6486]

Took u quite a while

[@jdvh__94]

I’ve felt that way for a while now they were lazy podcasters specially mal

[@pantiesOFFimON]

I’m with Ish on this one

[@718datbxkid]

I have step kids and there dad hasn't been in there life and he can't just come take them with out a convo with me foh

[@statpadford]

i say the child not being able to understand what happened is even more reason to do it as soon as you can. like do it when they a baby type shit and don’t remember. only reason to keep the child in the dark or from the father is for selfish reasons. the child can’t help how they got here. you are who you are at the end of the day.

[@vazgod]

Better drop a new pods they’re tearing you up on my expert opinion - your boys @joebudden

[@Blazeme1011]

Let's get it

[@techz4u1]

People that agree with Joe haven't experienced what bonding with a child is like. Blood doesn't matter all the time. That kid calling you dad, emulating you, you providing for that kid not out of obligation but love... No one is coming to take that away easily.

[@FloridaGiant305]

I'm with ISH all the way but, My question is; What does the child want?? and What is in the child's best interest???

[@Lemmholddat]

It may make the kid think of his mother different

[@MrNochase]

How about this topic parents having children with outside partners now you find out in your teen age years you have 4 or more siblings you find out through outside sources.

[@IconicUniverse4L]

I agree with Ish fully. Ain’t no way I do all the dad work, you ain’t been there. The mom passed away and you just try to swoop in HA yeah naw buddy. I put in the work other guy didn’t want to. You can’t reap the rewards

[@Lemmholddat]

He is still his kid

[@dollabusiness931]

Ish what if there is a health issues and they find out at crucial time where it might be life or death and at that moment you find out thats not biological kid?

[@nasg6706]

Fix this title fellas

[@Roiyaw]

😂

[@yeyoof3496]

I think there is a law that stated Married men automatically become parents to their wifes kids. Your wife get pregnant legally its your child because she your wife. ✌🧘

[@yungntoxicnetwork94]

I feel ish and parks If my wife died and I been raising this child for 12 years I not bout to just pop up one day and be like I’m taking my son , we built a bond spent money went to games , he’s all I have left of my wife I don’t know u, ur finance situation, u could be on drugs or in and out of jail , or be a child predator , u can come and take him out and spend time wit him after we meet a few times

[@Geeniegreenbean]

I’m with ish on this one

[@workinghardtomakemyfutureb7932]

8:15

[@podfather6448]

2:33 Parks: Hey.. just so you know I’m not really your dad Joe: Parks that’s not really how that goes 😂😂😂😂

[@CastleNoble]

Rip the band-aide off immediately✨✨✨🏀

[@godizgood]

A father is a father, regardless if they are biological. The son doesn’t need to know

[@nventertainment6823]

Joe Budden what are your comments on the recent Kanye controversies? We want to hear your opinion Joe Gunnem’ bap blap blap blap

[@thisisdeidra]

You raised a child for 13 years…nah his opinion matters

[@SimplyBianka]

My friend is 30 and recently found out her " dad" isn't her bio dad and it messed her up. Tell them as soon as possible. However, yes this guy has legal rights to fight for the kid. The bio dad cannot legally just come and take the kid. Sorry lol

[@Stonecoldalston]

Interesting is she mad at the dad that was raising her?

[@TheArtistExchangeMediaHub]

tell that child as soon as possible.. these children are much smater and much more tender than past generations have ever been ... waiting will only make you and enemy.... stop lying to children

[@grizzly5592]

This might be one of the few times I disagree w ish. We ain’t shooting no fair one that’s my kid 😂

[@Stonecoldalston]

I wish they would have called the guy to get clarity Like how old is the kid How long have the wife been gone Do the other guy know about the kid

[@-lowe5765]

Ain’t no shooting the fair ones. You can hand over my child or we can take it to court. But you taking care of him due to you and the baby moms f*cking doesn’t earn you a gold star or rights to the child in my book.

[@hoseahanslip9190]

There would have to be DNA testing done too.

[@erickinsey7268]

I’m with ish on this one . That child was part of his household . It is not black and white .

[@yungntoxicnetwork94]

I don’t think it’s one answer It depends on the type of child ur raising Cus some kids aren’t mature enough to understand

[@hoseahanslip9190]

Consult an attorney, because biology goes FAR beyond emotional attachment. There may be hereditary medical issues that may need to be known.

[@zanccarrdo]

Add a wrinkle if they were married when that child is conceived. It’s legally his child.

[@yungntoxicnetwork94]

In the black community u won’t know that’s not ur dad til he need a kidney 😂

[@mynamemeansheaven9154]

Legally unless he adopted the child. If the child is a minor he can't keep the child. Which is most likely why he is asking. You can't keep other people kids. Otherwise if he is not an adult you take it to the grave unless you're petty.

[@Stonecoldalston]

Not true if he was married to the mom he already have rights

[@CareerDropout.]

Would the the kids preference in the father determine by which tax bracket is more reasonable? Would they rather be with a father that isn’t their biological father if he provides more than the biological? I don’t like ish making it about affording to buy back your own biological kids, especially if biologically you didn’t even know you had kids at the birth of their lives.

[@Stonecoldalston]

All he saying is if you gonna take the kid he gonna fight it in court so he hope they have their money right because that will get expensive

[@ptyten9718]

I think Joe is heavily overrating the idea that blood is more important than the connection the kid has formed with the people he has grown up with. Fuck the label, these are the people he loves no matter if they're not biologically related or not. I think there's a space where the kid can still get to know his father and that side of his family, but taking him away from the all the people he has loved and known is cruel imho.

[@Abandoned2377]

Pay us for part of the show so we can make money off you… nah fam yall need to make it free or give dude his mone back lol

[@vernonsm67]

i thought Joe was going to give advice to fathers who are gay on the low

[@perzonne6302]

Joe would know too

[@Lemmholddat]

What if the dad don't want parts of the kid

[@jdvh__94]

Like if the dad doesn’t even know the baby mama has passed. How involved has he ever really been??

[@deesee2051]

I really hope this dude don’t take advice from these dudes especially Ish

[@YeahLuHoops11]

Crazy you gotta let them know you ain’t arguing just so Joe won’t get butt hurt and start yelling.

[@JamaicanPrince22]

His wife??? That’s not his wife?!! She has a baby on him. Don’t call him his wife

[@malcolmx346]

Lol brothers be out here happily raising another man's child?

[@jamaalpettway]

Or just don't tell them at all. If that's your baby that's your baby end of discussion, nothing changes. If you take that into your grave at 80 yrs old and your child is 60 they will have lived so much life and gained so much understanding that they will understand what you did was for them. If they want to know who their biological father is leave it in your will or a note. The decision of learning who the biological father is should be on the child not the parent. Some kids don't even want to know who the bio father. Some do. Let them choose and hopefully faith will guide them down the right path. As far as the biological father is concerned... You can kick rocks, you had sex with my wife wether you knew she was married or not. I don't owe you anything if we're being honest.😂

[@AlexanderEL777]

Yall so used to traumatizing children there are no more safe gaurds for children anymore just to protect adults feelings and ego

[@Stonecoldalston]

For the part of the show segment if I been raising that Kid for over 9-10 Years no way I’m just giving the kid up especially If the Dad wasn’t there all that time If the kid is a toddler that’s different But another factor would be if me and the mom had other kids together which would be the child’s sibling’s I’m definitely not splitting them up

[@tkrs5461]

Terrible explanation by the guy…WHEN DO U TELL THEM WHAT??

[@kingkunta5628]

Our community needs more step daddies and it's up to black men to step up to the plate and accept responsibility and raise these babies 🥺🙏🏿💪🏿🤛🏿

[@Lemmholddat]

U can tell ish donthave kids

[@XxXpentech30XxX]

First

[@beans301]

damn i was view 1...wild. but i wasnt first to comment...smh

[@kcfolk4life74]

🚮