My Parents and Husband Aren’t on Speaking Terms (What Can I Do?)

[@GreekCarFreak]

"You're not gonna talk bad about my husband in his own house". Wow......this lady is a real one! Must be difficult to set those boundaries but clearly a very honorable wife. Parents need to grow up, this is the kind of prideful nonsense you end up regretting on your deathbed.

[@moony-_-.]

this is a first for me! so many people allow their parents to walk all over their partners good for her for sticking up for her man

[@CrystalM1917]

If that's all it takes to fall out with your family and them to write you off, I would stay far away. But the truth is, they didn't like him in the first place. Couldn't have.

[@gessrinky9129]

My mom is very immature like this. She’s exhausting and is always looking for a reason to be pissed. It’s like dealing with a 5yo, you’re never gonna rationalize or win..

[@SomechicknameAshley]

Yeah, I don't think her or her husband did anything wrong, her parents are just some of "those people", the kind who will find fault in everything and if you don't kiss their bums about it, they take it as disrespect when it's not 😒.

[@erbjp]

Yup…

[@jefftube58]

Time for you to have a lot less to do with her than you do now.

[@CharlotteCarMoments]

People with narcissistic personality disorder are very much like children

[@mmp495]

Strong boundaries and at the most extreme estrangement. 😢

[@marcellacrier7283]

I figured this out as soon as she said his race, The treadmill was a weak excuse to cover the real reason for the dislike. If that is all the only excuse they could come up with, he must be a good guy. Basically, they hate him more than they love their daughter. They have essentially let hate cause them to divorce their daughter and grandson.

[@Nkechi44]

I agree! This is a race thing, there’s nothing he can do to change that.

[@davidmolina7543]

Touché

[@KikiCatNovelties]

This caller is a gem!! Thank you for serving our country and I hope things get better!!

[@lindyloowho7]

I totally feel for this caller! My advice to to Simone is that your husband and your child first. Your parents will either accept this or take it to their grave. Keep your boundaries! My mother never liked my husband! You know what? This is my life to live as I see it! It's not easy. You can do it!

[@Gonzeaux7]

One thing about Africans, especially francophone West Africans, usually they are VERY direct. Which is good because you know they're genuine and honest, which is bad because they're usually not very passive agressive which a lot of Americans are used to being

[@starlingswallow]

Exactly

[@sprague49]

Francophone AND West African! Wow. Arrogance x2

[@victoriaa7081]

@@sprague49 not arrogance but let’s be honest, address it and move on. Francophone and west African here

[@Richard-wl2nh]

@@victoriaa7081 I think hes being sarcastic, but I could be wrong.

[@sharroon7574]

True for friendships too, most people talk behind your back but then you try to gently set boundaries and they act like your awful!

[@shethewriter]

Her mother sounds like one of those really petty difficult people. I feel bad for this woman, she seems very grounded and trying to do her best and it’s not her fault at all.

[@MrCarpediem6]

Wait... So they just walked into the house while he was on the treadmill... Do they have the keys to the home?

[@JeffreySchieding]

Her mother sounds like 99.9 % of all American mother-in-laws.

[@CrystalM1917]

Did it cross their minds that he might have been expecting them to call before they just showed up? What if they had been working on baby #2 during naptime lol.

[@starlingswallow]

Right?!?! Showing up unannounced is entitled behavior. Her mom:dad don't respect her or their SIL. People who respect each other CALL FIRST!!!

[@kimbarnetson3297]

This woman sounds such an intelligent, articulate, thoughtful person. What a shame that her parents can't see that and as a consequence they will miss out on spending time with their grandchild.

[@charmin78]

I appreciate the opening question, “what is my responsibility?” Protect your peace. Boundaries are clear. The offer for connection is on the table. Mine vs. NOT mine = parents’ response and behavior is their responsibility.

[@trtlduv07]

This woman is so grounded, peaceful and so supportive toward her husband. It's so sad that her mom is like this and they have to deal with her. Honestly I relate to her. My parents don't like my fiance for literally NO REASON and they've been disrespectful to him when all he's ever done is love them and try to provide the best life for me. I just don't get it. It's really sad and so unnecessary that they've chosen to be so judgmental and unloving toward him.

[@smb0621]

My husband once served as the pastor of a church who had a church leader struggle with this very issue. His daughter married a black man of African descent, and he quietly disapproved. He struggled with the irreconcilability of his prejudice with the convictions of his religious faith, accepted he was wrong, repented to his family, fully accepts his son-in-law and went on to have a good and beautiful life. He was openly transparent about his past sin and present repentance, and his faith was directly responsible for challenging and correcting his prejudice. It is wise to take care of the stones we throw, as were often quick to condemn the very sins whose seeds live within us as well. It was good and right for him to deal so honestly with his sin, and have the humility and courage to repent to his family, accept accountability, and build something better. May we all have such humility and courage to do the same.

[@zandraromero8616]

It sounds like the military probably raised her better than her parents did.

[@WildHuntress]

The miltary life can certainly provide clarity if you see the ugly sides of the world. Makes you come to grips with what is really important. And petty behaviors and attitudes are certinaly not worth tolerating. If the parents can't be happy that their daughter found a great man who cherishes her and acts as a decent man should, then what precisely would they have be different that would change their mind? Parents like that you can't appease because if they forake your own happiness and welfare to get the poster son in law they want, they don't have your best interest in mind and they never will.

[@jkbc]

One thing for sure, you cant change someone's else perception about anything (race, sexual orientation etc) that includes parents, brothers, sisters or other relatives. You just need to live your life and held your head high.

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

They had An issue with him underlying this greeting thing was an excuse. They don’t like he’s black.

[@AlanisOcasio123]

Bingo, she’s only now realizing their disapproval

[@Graciehunter32]

It’s a good reason to disapprove of the relationship though

[@crow_feather]

@@Graciehunter32 Race is never a good reason to disapprove of a marriage, ever!

[@Aboertmann]

@@Graciehunter32 Also a good reason for your kid not to talk to you because you can't accept their partner. Good luck with that. Let me know how that works out.

[@Graciehunter32]

@@Aboertmann that won’t happen since I will decide who they marry

[@amiblack8294]

It sounds like her parents are very deserving of the space they've themselves created. The caller is deserving of the peace that she now has as a result of their decision not to have a relationship with her. The caller's attitude is very healthy and she is right on track. I'm so glad John reinforced and validated that. The caller needs to leave them in the dust which is where they belong. HER responsibility is to her family first-her husband and her son. Once you marry, you leave and cleave. Families of origin are often the biggest sowers of seeds of discord in a marriage. For that reason my husband and I prioritized our marriage over both sides of the families, which meant walking away from them. We don't miss the wasted time, energy, money, drama, judgments, manipulation, mockery, potshots, etc. Once we got honest and admitted that they were never there for us (although we sacrificed for almost every one of them), we realized that we didn't really lose anything except migraine headaches, arguments, drama, resentment, a lot of money, time, energy, judgments, etc. By subtracting all that from our lives, we added so much. Holidays are now quiet, peaceful, calm, relaxed and actually happy :) Our marriage is stronger than it ever would have been had we not made that decision. Our finances are back where they belong. Life is just better. For those reasons, we would NEVER go back to the way it was either. There is always something to be thankful for, and in the caller's case she can be thankful they gave her the gift of peace to enjoy her family. 😃

[@jesshatchette]

This woman is the smartest person in her family. It’s a lonely place to be.

[@semosancus5506]

Maybe ...

[@amiblack8294]

It doesn't have to be, however, especially when you're surrounded by awful family members. She lost nothing except interference, drama, headaches, judgment, stress, anxiety, health problems that result from all that crap her parents bring to her life, etc. She just needs to realize that. Hopefully John helped her do that.

[@cg741graf5]

No she’s not: her complacency and her back handed digs scream that she is passive aggressive and doesn’t own that the parents more than likely felt disrespected for a while.

[@jesshatchette]

@@cg741graf5 She sounds very assertive, which is the opposite of passive aggressive. And her parents don't get a say in who she marries. That's her decision.

[@Cris5631]

@@cg741graf5 I am confused, how can the parents feel discrespected in her and her husband;s house!

[@akferren1]

I haven’t spoken to my in laws in 9 years and it’s been wonderful! If my husband wants to see them that’s fine but they are not allowed on my property or near me and my son or I call the police. Best decision I ever made was to go no contact

[@acd1168]

Amen 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@seadragon1456]

I went no contact with my own mother a few years ago. Sometimes we just outgrow the BS

[@BillDaBurgerEater]

Yikes, so it's up to you, not your husband?

[@61sunset]

What a miserable existence for everyone involved.

[@JeffreySchieding]

Good for you !!

[@brendamoon2660]

With parents like these can you imagine the childhood trauma load she carries? They are doing that innocent baby a favor by keeping their toxic mess to themselves

[@amiblack8294]

Yep, people like her parents don't just all of a sudden turn into awful people-they've been awfull for a long time. This is just par for the course. It's part of a pattern that just continues as long as it's allowed to continue. You hit the nail on the head with your comment :)

[@2davivadiva]

Right?! She seems well rounded.

[@DavidWilliams-vc2ms]

In short, her parents have a problem with him because he is black. The worst aspect is that the caller was aware that her parents wouldn't approve of her dating someone from a different race. Her parents are too old and will not alter their mindset. The caller has to move forward with her life.

[@paulam408]

Unfortunately, many parents would feel this way. Caller shouldn't be surprised they found a reason to stay away. I would have to believe she knew this long before she married him.

[@bloomingale7868]

I don’t sense she knew this about her parents before reality hit them they actually had to be family. She is slowly waking up to the reality her parents are as tolerant as she thought. Probably ok to have friends of a different race, but family a little too close to home. They don’t have a connection with the mixed children either.

[@Matt-cr4vv]

Yeah once you hear the race difference and that they’re an interracial couple it’s hard to see this issue not being them disapproving of her being married to a black man and finding an excuse to stay away without owning up to their genuine reason. I hate to throw out accusations like that but it’s hard to see it differently because nothing else about the fact set points to him doing anything that would affront them. Genuinely just sad that parents will throw a fit like this and sacrifice their relationships over something like that. But sadly we can’t expect everybody to be rational.

[@vickimerritt2832]

another take, maybe they, the parents, felt her husband did not approve of them?

[@Evan_Floyd]

This woman is a chad. Much respect

[@huntforberries]

Dr John low-key tryna launch his singing career is so heartwarming to watch 😂😂😂 just jokes. We love you ❤️

[@GalaxyFluke]

Thank you for your service caller! You sound like an amazing person. I’m so sorry your parents aren’t who you thought they were.

[@iwilpraiseu]

What is it with people that's lives fall apart if you don't say hello to them??

[@Chessica450-m3d]

Entitled!!! The man was working out! Most likely in the midst of doing sets!! Why would he stop during his intense workout and while sweaty , just drop everything to greet and bow to them! They are delusional!! They want to be worshipped! Crazy!

[@leighb8485]

Some parents would rather go no contact and lose their kids and grandkids than to respect their adult children as peers. So long. Bye. I don’t hang out with emotionally brain dead people.

[@JeffreySchieding]

My son (40) knows I accept him as an adult along with my adulthood. Though we both will understand our roles as son and Dad, I treat him with respect.

[@chelseaolsen8330]

My husband and I had a hard time with my in-laws. They would try to control our relationships with other family members, control our moments and whether or not we homeschooled. They would take it out on our kids when we wouldn’t listen. We finally just told them what our rules where and if they didn’t like them then we wouldn’t be seeing them anymore. Situation has improved dramatically.

[@jefftube58]

Virtually 95 % of the time 'in-law problems' means 'problem with the mother-in-law, not both. Usually it is the mother who orchestrates all the vindictive crap against the couple who isn't conforming to her will. It almost never actually involves the father-in-law.

[@zhmw]

Only once did my mom make a comment about me homeschooling my children, one day when I was discussing homeschooling with her, she blurred out, 'why are you torturing yourself?' I think she immediately regretted it because she had a hard time with public school teachers who wouldn't listen to her when she knew what was best for her children, especially with my youngest sister, who was struggling in school. There wasn't any homeschool back in those days, but if so, she probably would have homeschooled her children.

[@shola7987]

Africans are very respectful of parents and greeting. I doubt he did it on purpose.

[@sunniermoon]

Right???? I am from Benin and parents around here are like elders and there is a huge emphasis on being respectful to our elders. So, don’t know how what happened happened but I would be surprised if there is any form of disrespectful intent behind what he did

[@acd1168]

Very respectful of elders. VERY!

[@mrmindtrick99]

Him being African is the problem. They would gladly accept a chubby white guy

[@MrCarpediem6]

​@@sunniermoondepends if you grew up in West Africa or the West I guess..

[@Shay-yg7nm]

One day your parents will regret this. Let them go. Focus on your husband and child.

[@mrmindtrick99]

Unfortunately the parents have probably already written their daughter and their grandchild out of their lives.

[@jborrego2406]

No this is great. They don't like the husband cause he black They will treat the grandkid like crap. Or if they have to kids one looks more like they they spoil an the other like crap for looking black

[@christyashcraft5596]

I feel this conversation as my life. My childhood was traumatic and my parents disapprove of ANYTHING my husband does. Therefore, it has ruined their relationship with me and their firstborn granddaughter and my other daughter forever. They are grown and are now 21 and 19. They see a part of what I went through and what my husband goes through. He goes to family events and will not talk. He says it is better than speaking and it coming back at him in the next day or so. It makes life exhausting and it hurts. My parents are getting older and there is no relationship left for me and them.

[@jennysjourney117]

Feel this one. I am not accepted by my inlaws & we've been married 25 years & together 27+ years in total. They still don't like me & never will. This is hard & the main thing you have to do is put your marriage first, your children first & nothing else has to matter. Sadly, our circle is very small now. It is very hard & the pain you will feel from this will always be there. You have to not let it destroy all the good you have in your life--marriage, children, etc. Not going to sugar coat it....especially around the holidays & special days, it will be tough. Sometimes what is right is also the hardest thing you have to do each day.

[@theluckienurse]

I just want to give the caller a hug ❤️

[@crow_feather]

Same! She is being so awesome, and so strong for her husband and their child, in the face of parents who are being the exact opposite of the amazing woman she's being! My heart really goes out to her!

[@starlingswallow]

Me too!!!❤

[@Teenywing]

I actually think her parents sound petty and ridiculous and don’t care at all about their daughters happiness. They are taking the low road.

[@cg741graf5]

Your getting one side in a short clip. Dr. Romani a specialist in Narcissistic Behavior Disorder would pounce on this call and I’d love to hear her context to Dr. John classifying people he’s never even spoken to. Horrible.

[@WildHuntress]

@@cg741graf5 He can talk about specifics from the examples he is given. Patterns of behavior that are described are valid especially if he's seen it before. If he can't take people at face value with their call then what is the entire point of the show? With your logic Dr Romani would be also judging a person based off descriptors from people she has never met and for some reason that's ok? You make zero sense and have no consistency. What else is he going to suggest other than for her take the high road with the information he has?

[@GinaLoriDuncan]

Dr. Delony, you are brilliant and insightful.

[@joyswenson7941]

Wow, I really appreciate this call as I’ve been going through something similar between my mother & husband.

[@andreapellettiere849]

Feel for you so much. I’m white and I married a Pakistani man. His family was so wonderfully accepting and mine was not, to say the least. He did not set foot in my parent’s house for the first 17 years of marriage. It was absolutely racially and religiously motivated, but my husband never made me choose. My father and my husband eventually reconciled and here we are at 25 years of marriage (30 plus years together). This absolutely is not your issue, it’s theirs.

[@Aboertmann]

Let's flip it for a second. Can you imagine showing up unannounced to the parents home and then acting passive aggressive because dad was working on the sink or mom was cooking and they didn't greet you immediately? Stay away from these people. They're petty and narcissistic.

[@jefftube58]

When parents show up unannounced it is virtually always the mother who is the reason. Mother-in-laws have this common habit of disregarding their newly married kid's privacy. This has to be hammered home to the mother right in the beginning. She does it once, you hammer her. Change your locks if necessary, but make it crystal clear they are not to come over without first asking if they can, and if the young bride says, "not today," it means they're not coming over.

[@JoltYourLife]

@@jefftube58it’s also totally a millennial thing to be so wrapped up in their parents. be an adult

[@scott4825]

Caller really has it all together, and is doing the right things. To me... talk to mom and set the boundaries. Make it clear that you love them and want them in your life as does the husband, but they need to accept him. Then the ball is in their court. It also might be that this is the outcome that mom wants, but she doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy to family.

[@lyndaslocs]

Narcissists don't like to be called out.

[@vickimerritt2832]

I know, this caller sure acts like one, has to be confrontational and right, missed the mark understanding her and her husbands part in the war they started, still warlike and likely holding their kid hostage till the parents -in laws- grandparents come around. Typical arrogance of youth on display, for sure.

[@hismom5600]

​@@vickimerritt2832You're CLEARLY trolling with this horrible take.

[@kristinecrowley8321]

I have had to go no contact with my parents who sound about as toxic and narcissistic as this woman’s. It stinks for sure. I hate that my kids don’t have fabulous grandparents, but they just don’t, and a relationship with them would just result in the negativity that I dealt with my whole life with them. I can’t change my parents, but I can protect my kids from them. In the end, that was my priority and that’s how I justify and accept not having a relationship with my family.

[@starlingswallow]

I have gone through something similar to you and this caller. I'm still in contact with my parents. My dad isn't safe for me so it's limited. I called them both out for being parental with us (I'm 42 and my hubby is a healthy, direct 52 year old!) I told them: no triangulating and if you want a relationship with us, it will have to be adult to adult and with respect:) So far, so good. But the moment it happens again, it's back to no contact. I went no contact for 4 months to grieve the parents I always wanted, the parents I thought I had and cut the apron strings. I have been waiting to get the blessing from my parents my whole life and it's not come, especially from my dad. They are both critical most of the time. That's NOT helpful to me or my husband. Especially since I'm still healing from a 14 year marriage to a toxic, abusive covert narcissist and my husband is still healing from a narcissistic dad and semi toxic family 😢 ❤ I'm glad you have peace!!!

[@oc2538]

2:12 Mom is an overgrown toddler. She wanted the red carpet rolled out. But like Dr John said, this IS NOT about him not greeting her. It's something else and if it has been two years, that means the mom wanted to end her daughter's marriage. She wanted her daughter to fight with her husband for how "disrespectful he was to his mother in law." It was a big mistake to allow the mom to talk to her husband without YOU being there. You sent your husband to deal with a wolf, thats your mom but I'm sure your mom has been a piece of work before.

[@vickimerritt2832]

FYI, young folks, you can't arm up and carry yourself , serving self only issues into your relationships as an us against the world cause we know it alll, Paint the you two against ALL others united fronts to war and then be dismayed when you actually have one. I say lay down your weapons and have an open minded calm discussion about fault on both sides, realize adjustments to all parties attitudes may be in order, agree to disagree even and put down the social media, mainstream news, divisionary thoughts and agree to try again. Pride, goes before a fall. You may find you need your parents or want them in your life, and all you are teaching your own son could be a chip on his shoulder, self righteousness, the inability to look inward to his faulty humaness, unnecessary racial or other billergence, and self serving entitlement.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

You can’t reason with unreasonable people .

[@acd1168]

Exactly. My therapist says you can’t reason with crazy.

[@BradKandyCroftFamily]

I was engaged to an asian guy whose mother absolutely hated me for being white. In the end we broke up because his mom made it clear it was the white girl or his family. He chose his family. I don't begrudge his choice because I got lucky not to be in a hateful situation in the end. But, it never easy to have to choose. Parents should be mature enough not to make their kids choose.

[@jahbern]

My husband is Indian and I’m white. One of the hardest conversations we had before marriage was about how the parents of a woman he was previously engaged to rejected him because he wasn’t white. My heart broke for him. And my family welcomed him with open arms - because he is just the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Her loss was my gain, 100%. I am grateful to her for sparing him a life of unhappiness as a part of her hateful family and giving us a life of happiness. 21 years and counting.

[@jborrego2406]

​@@jahbernI hope he didn't marry u so he can have light skin kids. India has a class system

[@Celwood]

Remember when people would be honest about being racist...

[@DaryleBrown]

Nowadays racists will argue that you're not racist unless your burning a cross on somebody's lawn. Consistently refusing to do business with people or treating one child's spouse much differently than the other's due to an obvious race difference is a choice, not racism. SMH

[@hismom5600]

I miss that. I want to know what I'm dealing with up front.

[@jefftube58]

This mother-in-law got put in her place and reacted by not talking to the wife, husband and child to punish them for daring to stand up to her. I guarantee you the MIL's husband is not involved with this nonsense.

[@JeffreySchieding]

Correct. The husband is not involved. In 99% of all in-law problems the MIL is the problem. Virtually all MIL's need to be put in their place shortly after the rings go on the fingers at the child's wedding. This needs to be done immediately at the first incident of her being a problem. First time, not 5 years later. No MIL is going to like being put in their place but it's absolutely necessary in order for the new couple to have a chance to survive as a couple.

[@kaylamurphy2285]

I wish my husband would speak like that to his parents on my defense when they insult me repeatedly

[@jameswoods6900]

She's a very nice lady buy she should move on, away from her parents! I'm willling to bet everyone likes this smart woman!

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

“If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.”

[@Poultrychick]

Some parents are like this. My MIL is- she made it abundantly clear she didn’t want me around and even wants me dead. So yeah- grieve it and focus on your family. You will be portrayed as the evil B and the one that has caused the rift. They won’t look at themselves or their behavior.

[@lilyjay2118]

This reminds me of what I’m going through with a family member. I went through months of depression bc I tried to talk things out with this family member, and he called me crazy and that I need to let it go. After that, I had to just learn how to morn that relationship with my cousin. It was hard but necessary!

[@azteca6695]

My friend mom would tend to be disrespectful to her husband, for yrs. Even though he did so much more than her own son. When her mom and her husband had a disagreement. And she was rude to her husband. She asked me what would I do? I told her, I would put my mother in her place. AND remind her. It's my husband who does.more for you, than your own son. She finally stood up for her husband

[@jefftube58]

From the very beginning, right after the rings are on the finger, make it painfully clear to the new mother-in-law that she will not under any circumstances be rude or disrespectful to your new husband.

[@starlingswallow]

Your husband (and you) sound _really_ healthy! And some parents don't like that. They want their little girl to stay in the "child" role so they can talk down to you and your husband. Your healthy relationship, as well as the military, have grown you up, and they don't know how to have an equal, adult relationship with you OR him! It's ridiculous. You aren't the crazy one here, Simone. Your parents are in the wrong. You set your boundary, you told your mom and dad no more triangulating and they are *refusing* to adhere to your reasonable and healthy adult boundaries & expectations. Their loss, and not your problem. It's theirs. I hope they grow up, put their big pants on and come to the table with an apology to you both and move forward in mutual respect and directness 🙏🏻♥️

[@starlingswallow]

Oh, and the fact that they came over, UNANNOUNCED, and expected him to MIND READ that they were there and come and "greet them"?!?! Who is she? The QUEEN OF ENGLAND?!?! Oh, boy. Dr. John is spot on with this one! Stop trying to make it make sense. It doesn't. But they are the ones acting like children, not you guys ❤

[@sarazink2237]

Like my bff, Rachel, once told me “you can’t always be right, is your wrong once”

[@T-CainesZR1]

Gotta move on from the parents. They're showing their true colors.

[@starlingswallow]

Her accusing him of calling her a liar when he called her out on disciplining him as one of their children, that's deflection. She didn't address what he pointed out, she flipped it on him and made herself the victim. AGAIN. This is DARVO (as it pertains to abusers and toxic people who use this dynamic/tactic) DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.

[@GreekYogurtGranola]

DARVO…? Oh you think the mom has BPD.

[@JudePi-jx7yo]

I'm always skeptical about these one sided I'm the victim calls but absolutely can tell she's 100% right from this call.

[@omgeoh]

3:47 is the reason why all of this is happening. Call it like it is. Getting mad at someone because they didn't greet them while they're on a treadmill is BS..

[@ginnyf5931]

Opposite issue with daughter in law being nasty and son not wanting to handle things. Blew up my idea of what my life would be like and I had to grieve the loss. I just hope she doesn't speak to him like that and I truly wish them the best

[@zhmw]

What works with setting boundaries with difficult family members for my husband and me, is to meet them at a restaurant or a park or somewhere in public, because even toxic people will most likely behave nicely, when in public. Several years ago, my family celebrated a Mother's Day lunch at a picnic table, in a park, next to a playground and we all got along really nicely, and being outside on a sunny day, really diminished the tension between family members. And other families were also celebrating Mother's Day at this park, next to this playground. Ummm... perhaps, for the same reasons.

[@ichoosemeimsorry]

11:00 lollll the way he almost lost it 😂 I feel this on a spiritual level

[@BradKandyCroftFamily]

It's hard when cultures clash and someone in it is unwilling to listen and try and understand the other person. It's even harder when it's your parents that are the ones unwilling to act reasonable.

[@rebecca6764]

My MIL dis something similar. She would trash my husband when we first got engaged in an effort for me to run away from him. Then, it transcended into my son. The lesson here is that whoever doesn't accept and support your marriage will never accept and support your kids. After our son was born, then she tried to keep me away from my own son & husband and take charge of everything. Obviously, she didn't approve of me and my we just walked away. She went as far as saying she was going to make sure my sons knew what a horrible mother I am, just because we made our own parenting decisions without her. Our kids peace of mind and happiness come first. I can't image me lifting a finger to make any of my sons' lives harder than they need to be. Terrible.

[@tech4uro]

One thing I learned is you don't always get a life the way you dreamed it to be, when that happens you have to be mature enough to move on and go create something else. Her parents have taken a stand so they aren't going to be reasonable so she needs to take her husband and son and go create a new vision of what family will be but you keep the door open incase her mom and dad grow up.

[@chipm2544]

The in-laws come unannounced (i.e. surprise visit) to the couple’s home & are offended the husband is exercising on a treadmill delaying greeting them. That’s ludicrous! Would they prefer him smoking crack?!

[@SingingThroughLife]

Honestly, the solution is exactly what she wants. However, not only should both her parents have a conversation with the husband, there need be apologies made. They need to try and resolve the conflict, forgive each other, and promise to work to be more adultlike when any future issues arise. A simple misunderstanding turned into her parents not wanting a relationship with her husband and son. Delony is right too -- there is more not being said by the parents about their true thoughts/feelings about the marriage and husband. Wish Simone the best.

[@Matt-cr4vv]

That’s so hard for her I imagine. I don’t even think the true hurt she feels is as much about her husband as it is that her parents tantrum is keeping her child from having a relationship with their grandchild. But it’s really tough when you have a conflict like this over something so stupid but I respect her for holding firm because it’s for sure that her parents are simply trying to win and want her to grovel back. And that’s so damn sad as parents that you’d do that and sacrifice knowing your grandchild over something like this. Sadly it’s much harder to write them off as being silly and move in with your life even though you know you should because it’s always difficult to accept no relationship with your parents, especially when you have children. But it’s healthier to do this and teach your children that this behavior isn’t tolerated or accepted

[@oogie-boogie]

lol,,,its like mine,my mom talked crap about me the first time my gf and my mom met,, that was 23 years ago ,i don't expect my gf and my family to have anything to do with each other, that's how we roll

[@fredalkent]

This is going to be a relationship at a distance. Mail greeting cards (including a photo). Don't expect anything back. This is their choice, however, in the card include an invitation to them for a holiday and birthdays., but don't expect anything. The ball is in their side of the court.

[@fredalkent]

Done and done.

[@kristinmoore4624]

My sister in law is a complete crazy pants and doesn't allow my brother in law to communicate with the family. Even when my father in law had cancer, even right after his mom died, even though his children deserve a relationship with their grandpa and cousins etc etc. She's mentally and physically abusive and I'm happy she's gone but I feel bad for my husband, he misses his brother, his older brother died long ago. Selfish witch.

[@starlingswallow]

This sounds horrible 😢

[@justashton255]

I bet my inlaws THINK i dont let my husband communicate

[@BillDaBurgerEater]

Your brother in law is an adult, he can make his own decisions. It's not his wife's fault, its his and all this criticism should be directed towards him.

[@isay207]

Exactly he chose this

[@JG-qt3pn]

Parent/child estrangement can happen at any age.

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

Why can’t he call them what they are? Skirting the issue undermines his brilliance. This isn’t as easy as saying just ignore it. Do you know what pain it is to be kind to people who hate you because of your colour. Interracial couples don’t represent the solution to racism mixed kids with white moms commonly have a VERY hard time as they develop.

[@CrystalM1917]

Welp your username is accurate 😂. No lies detected.

[@junbh2]

I think because he suspects it but hopes there's still a chance he's wrong.

[@rn2787]

Do what me and my ex did with his mom. She and I don't talk and we aren't in the same place unless absolutely necessary. She wasn't allowed at our home. She could call my ex all she wanted and he could go see her any time. My kid can call her and go over if my ex is there and she wants to. The reason why is because of several issues and incidents. Ranging from dumping sugar and refusing to clean it after I spent 12 hours deep cleaning and unpacking the kitchen to threatening to call social services because my kid came out when she went off her meds. The only defense she has ever had is that she has bipolar disorder type 2 and she weaponized it as much as humanly possible.

[@psychicsusan67]

My entire family loathe my husband because of the disrespect towards him I had to walk away from the entire dysfunctional dynamic. It was the best choice for long term happiness. I hope that his woman can recognize how childish her parents are acting I completely understand how embarrassing this dynamic is.

[@adrianajimenez4342]

I think she needs to walk away from them sad but true 😢

[@northlakeghost]

What's the album behind John here? Looks cool

[@quarterlimit5838]

Oh hon, your mom is doing a favor kicking herself out of your life. Go live your life, love you husband, enjoy your children, you’re free!

[@GreekYogurtGranola]

I’m glad the wife set a boundary and drew a line. You will respect her husband in their home. But it also sucks, because mom what are you doing here.

[@amandalandon6469]

Its not about him. The truth is the parents probably see him as what took their baby away.

[@MyRhythmRoom]

Poor baby.. your parents just a lil racist. The family you create will be so much more special.

[@zumbamommy5036]

She can’t control her parents. She can’t require them to value her family or respect her husband. Perhaps they are racist. Perhaps not. What is clear is that they aren’t interested in doing things their daughter/sil way. They sound like they are okay with how things are - estranged for two years, grandkid or not.

[@Redvesta111]

Idiots.

[@Gavino-ki1cc]

Not the best scenario to find out your parents are racist 😢

[@vickimerritt2832]

Or your SIL is so confrontational, over his own rudeness.

[@chronic2023]

😅This reminds me of when I was first married. Back in the 1980s here in Sweden, shaking hands when you hadn't seen someone in a while was very common. (Not sure now but don't see it that much.) Anyway, my Swedish husband and I had moved back from the US and I came two months after him because I was arranging moving, etc. So, his mother was angry with me for not shaking her hand after not seeing her for two years. Like how was I supposed to know that was a custom here? 😅

[@hiddenhand6973]

"Give me what I want, or I'll suffer, and it will be all your fault." Narcs!

[@Gemmarose9012]

Or martyr parents.

[@MrCarpediem6]

Wait... So they just walked into the house while he was on the treadmill... Do they have the keys to the home?

[@junbh2]

I took it as she was home and let them in and he was in another room and didn't immediately stop what he was doing to come greet them right away.

[@lindacornell7881]

Their saying no, you have to choose to get out of no man's land or keep carrying a heavy burden.

[@tomnohmy1273]

Cool she got his back, not my ex.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

Nor did mine ✋😒

[@aqua6613]

I'd say it's a blessing they are staying away. I'd cut them out entirely...it's not a good interaction to model infront of the kid...passive aggressive manipulation and the mom meddling and overstepping boundaries etc. Some moms are just low key jealous and don't want their daughters to be happy or secede. Sounds like a narcissistic manipulator and the best thing is to either Greyrock the interactions or mirror their behavior back to them...but that would even be too much time wasted and invested that she could be dedicating making her marriage and family be the best thing since sliced bread. Let the miserable people be miserable on their own time. Cut the umbilical chords.

[@lisafox5444]

Dr says she should apologize to parents.. for what???? She hasn’t done anything wrong.. should she make it up??? Not sure 15:52

[@ronaldnichols9945]

The mother in law is abusive. Stay away from her.

[@clytemnestra]

The parents are a skip for me

[@LeeannMorrisHouseofStitches]

Honor yourself. Throw a party, just the 5 of you. Use some favorite recipes .

[@starlingswallow]

Simone.... has your mom always been like this? I'm thinking you are probably shocked over this behavior....

[@thatsfunny2051]

Parents and parents-in-law are horrifying

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

Parents aren't pro coal burning- never going to convince them otherwise. Very sad any angle you look at it. It's over, because they see her as a failure and now a child is involved the situation can never be made right in their eyes. She needs to move on and find a way that she can make herself feel okay about coal burning. The parents will always feel that way and won't ever change- she has to live her own life. People do strange things and you can't get someone who doesn't see eye to eye with you, understand where you're coming from. John gave her good advice.

[@RepentImmediately]

Seems like you're the one who has the issue since you're using blatantly derogative language.

[@firstlastname84]

So Mom simply won't own her behavior and in turn goes into name calling. Wow

[@maryt8600]

As an African male what did your parents do that made him not cave on this due to elder respect. An African male would not be disrespectful to elders unless they did something before this that she doesn't know about?

[@neisci]

How was he disrespectful though.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

He has a backbone and integrity, that’s what. If other African males would’ve “caved” out of elder respect, then they are, quite simply, weaker men than him. He did the right thing, and so did she/the caller.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

Also it’s way MORE disrespectful to lie and placate somebody just because they’re old. How patronizing! They were lucky to have someone in their family who was honest and direct, and they blew it.

[@starlingswallow]

@@DannyD-lr5ygexactly!

[@vickimerritt2832]

​@DannyD-lr5yg It is not just because they are old, but maybe of a different time altogether. Are your kids, if you have any, going to grow up in tthe exact same world you have'? Likely not. However, some things stay the same generationally, and some are static. People have such convoluted ideas about "respect", to me it is courtesy shown to someones years living on earth, their collective years of earned wisdom, and perhaps them living through so many years of a constantly changing world, and still learning and adapting, abeit a bit slower for some.

[@adrianajimenez4342]

I love pf changs

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

Their loss, they will miss out on major milestones of their grandchild

[@BG-nm5xt]

It seems like the daughter ends up being the go-between parents amd husband, and be the translator and mediator of the culture and laguage differences and explain to husband, explain to parents. What does husband need to fo different in interacting with her parents? What do parents need to do differently? Daughter explain the culture, or get a therapist to do it with you and husband.

[@Gemmarose9012]

All unnecessary and you’ve clearly missed the point.

[@lynngreen9637]

It sounds like you want your parents to be involved with your family. Maybe invite them to meet at a park sometime for a chat/play date for your son. You could always ask them what kind of grandparents they want to be and let them know you are open to ideas. Or keep the stress low and just play.