How to Move Past Shame and Guilt

On today’s show, we hear from:
- A man plagued with guilt over the privilege his life circumstances have given him
- A mom struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety
- Delony on how to appropriately respond when your kids hurt your feelings
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@greanjojototo]

Yes! Teaching children they can refuse dates and social interactions is essential. As is teaching them how to handle rejection. Can't believe you got push back on that wonderful story. If their daughter was 16 or 25 or 45 and didn't want to go on a "date", as parents they would want them to be able to refuse and expect the other person to handle it graciously. What a great model for your daughter as she grows to see that just because someone else has desires doesn't mean she has to accommodate them. It is so strange that we completely deny children any body autonomy in their homes and then wonder why they end up in such horrible romantic situations when they become teenagers or young adults. If they don't want to hug or kiss or hang out with someone, respect that. Also, teach them how to handle the rejection when they are inevitably on the other side of that rejection. Such important life skills!

[@Destiny-jf5pb]

I understand the first caller cause I’m exactly opposite of him and it makes me angry. I look at other people and see how easy that had it and I get mad. I came from divorced parents who didn’t go to college, a drug addict father and a mother who worked all the time. When it came time to go to college I had absolutely no guidance. I had to work 40hrs a week while attending college. My parents never bought me a car or payed a single bill of mine ever. If I were to fall on hard times there would be no one to help me. I’ve stood in food bank lines embarrassed and ashamed, we’ve had the water and power shut off for days. Experienced several physically abusive relationships. Life is rough. And it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Some people just don’t understand how privileged they are to be born with a great family.

[@Nan-Elle]

I'm sorry, Destiny, that your parents didn't go the extra mile for you. (or even one mile) I always felt that way myself growing up. But when my two were in college or in any way out on their own, I waited tables and sent all the money I could to help them out. I gladly went without at times because I wanted them to achieve their goals and I love them. It was hard. But it was worth it to me. At least I can start a new and better trend. Both living well today.

[@analozada9475]

💯💯💯

[@cathyosullivan718]

Everything is temporary in life. The first caller is kind to worry about others but nobody’s life is perfect. I have a friend who always had everything and she ended up getting chronic cancer in her thirties. Just enjoy life and help others when you can. They will deal with their problems and he eventually will deal with his.

[@carriebell3566]

Yes! I agree with Dr. Delony. There are no self made people

[@parklady4233]

If your life is good, go have a good life and be happy. Just be nice to others and appreciate that other people don’t have it so good.

[@tinam761]

For the new mom … it IS a very good idea to get blood 🩸 work done. Her hormones… her thyroid can be off … and they can cause mental health issues with depression and anxiety. Sometimes physical health issues affect our brains 🧠 and fixing those can help tremendously.

[@CdnEnjoyLife]

For any new moms that read this, please also talk to a counsellor. Make sure that you have a healthy inner circle of people.

[@roserowley911]

Survivor guilt 😢 it’s a real thing looking in the real world of other people’s life! Just hold your wisdom and be grateful ... maybe your gift is to say this is possible? You have a healing tool inside you not to batter yourself with... your experience can establish a focus point in the chaos in others

[@brianacpratt]

When you talked about your daughter and working on your own mess...I really appreciate you sharing that. It confirmed that my time listening to you is worthwhile. Wishing you well and sending my thanks 💛.

[@heidimartin859]

Going out in the sun with no lenses on your eyes causes a chemical reaction that is stronger than any prescription antidepressant. Doing it at sunrise and sunset is even better and helps you sleep, which further lessens depression.

[@michiganabigail]

Hahahahaha “ACDC is a group of poets” then the lyrics begin: “THUNDER! Ahhahhahh ah THUNDER! Ahhahhahh ah…”

[@CdnEnjoyLife]

Thank you for your response to the first caller! So many 'good' people in the world - serve themselves - NOT others. Delony, you were 100% on the first call! I love how you call people out and don't sugar coat!

[@kyleschmidt1693]

I’m lucky enough to be on with you in a couple days but just watching your videos it gives me ideas and revelations just like this video has. Honestly helps me comprehend more about how I reflect on my life. Thank you John!

[@sally180]

AMEN Good man, great father Well done ❤

[@jcstuart6978]

Sounds like the first callers consciousness is really expanding and he's realizing how fortunate he is. When God blesses us with a lot - God does expect us to use those blessings to help others. That is a very humbling realization process. So what does the first caller do next? When we grow in our faith in God, it's God's holy presence that enters us with the Holy Spirit. We can then ask God to help us bless others through God's presence within us. We continue to learn new ways to help others without trying to change them, but by leading them to their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Just as we were lead by someone else. Leading can be as simple as spending time with someone who does not yet know the Lord. This is difficult to articulate with words, but, this is the way.

[@salonsavy6476]

Amen

[@RyH10]

Addressing the comments section... Very brave of you Delony! 🤣🤣🤘

[@richardle7469]

My life felt like trade good health no injuries .. for no relationship, no kid, no social life.

[@richardle7469]

But also no direction or purpose sigh

[@searlepage4655]

Katrina here , I feel this way , burden to my adult kids , they have their lives . They'd be better without me. I lost my soul mate of 36yrs . No husband now , no friends as we were isolated on property and me caring for him and his disabilities for 17 years. Lost , numb , obsolete.

[@mystiquevening]

34:00/39:00! Wise advice.

[@bangintables]

another great episode ,

[@heidimartin859]

First you tell the guy that he's using other people as a drug by helping them, then you tell the guy he's gotta start helping other people. What is going on?

[@LaniLanilei]

Hello

[@loui7210]

That first guy need to see a therapist ASAP. He is severely depressed.

[@alleykeosheyan4779]

Sounded more bipolar to me...

[@alexbozza6139]

Kelly’s bucees shirt is AWESOME

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

I think this young man feels like an imposter. He shouldn’t but I think John missed that aspect of it.

[@jasonleatherwood2172]

Definately a man here not raised by a single mom

[@tomnohmy1273]

I feel guilty that my farts are epic.

[@RedeemedRogueMolecules]

Especially the ones when I’m really hungry in the morning and it’s just explosive air.

[@tomnohmy1273]

@@RedeemedRogueMolecules lol

[@pce12345]

No need to feel guilty you should feel proud

[@tomnohmy1273]

@@pce12345 lol

[@JAB2010]

I feel guilty about my massive schlong

[@robertshibata6125]

I understand about kids not carrying our emotions. I get that I cannot push my emotions on them. No means no, but what do I do if they want to care or try and cheer me up. My grandmother died recently, and I took the kids with us to try and show them greff and sarow. My youngest 5 saw my hurt, and wanted to give me a hug. I did not ask her for one, she gave me one. Should I have stopped her and told her no, you do not control my emotions, giving me a hug can't make me feel better? Should I have told her that while a hug feels good, she doesn't have to give me one? I will admit it felt good, and made me feel good that she had compassion for her dad, and could understand my hurt. I would be worried If she didn't feel that way. If a kid at her school fell and skinned his knee I would want her to try and help him feel better. I'm sure it felt good to her too. She was able to help contribute something even if it was just a hug. Just like I let her set the table for dinner. It lets her feel like part of the family. Am I wrong? Am I mixing controlling my emotions, and compassion? Roast me.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Delony has talked about this before he said it’s fine if the kid wants to do it as a way to make someone feel better. So for example when his friend Mark died he was sitting on the porch crying and his daughter gave him a hug and said “I’m sorry daddy” that’s fine. It’s when you ask “come give me a hug so mom will feel better” is when you get in dangerous territory. Hope that helps!

[@Nan-Elle]

@@flashthecorgi2053 You're right. Her little girl did a normal and caring thing.

[@YesYesYesJeff]

Most pointless episode yet 👍