My Parents Aren’t Helping With My Kids

My Parents Aren’t Helping With My Kids
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[@brittanyrussell3392]

“You cast her for a movie she didn’t even know she was in & you’re mad at her because she doesn’t know her lines” - a friendly reminder to CHECK YOURSELF.

[@Myglowtips]

❤

[@lorireed8046]

Exactly 💯

[@CS-mf5un]

Oh please. Boomers are just selfish assholes who asked their parents to raise their kids and can't lift a finger now because they like their toys.

[@ronaldmcnerneyjr3467]

Love this!!!

[@freddielind5282]

Oh I loved that! Thank you

[@pattibennett8774]

And a lot of us grandparents are still working 40 hr/week jobs.

[@EricFant]

That's entirely your fault for not properly planning for retirement.

[@user-rk1ie8lh4l]

​@EricFant you do realize a lot of grandparents are in their 40s because of choices their children made, don't you??

[@user-rk1ie8lh4l]

​@@EricFanta lot of us enjoy our jobs and have raised our children.

[@shonda79able]

​@@EricFantretirement happens in your 60s. Surely you don't think that all grandparents are retirement age?

[@EricFant]

@@shonda79able I'm on track to retire in my 50's currently, If I'm a grand parent in my 40's I've done something wrong.

[@maillemacanaugh1841]

We learned early on that if you get help from friend or family, it’s a gift, given on their terms. If you want more than that, hire people.

[@magpiegirl3783]

I like that.

[@blakeyork1889]

​@magpiegirl3783 yea if your going to move next to your parent for the purpose of them watching your kids, you should probably have worked somthing out instead of just assuming they would become your free babysitter. She seems nice but a little entitled

[@NM-ub6ml]

The family also need to remember that when they are old and want help . Hire people.

[@1tommyday]

This caller isn't very direct. That's caused a lot of problems for her. She couldn't even explain the problem to Jon for almost 10 minutes

[@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself]

She was just trying to make herself look like a caring daughter who wanted to spend more time with her parents. In actuality, she just wanted free babysitting but couldn't say that because she would look like an selfish AH.

[@dudeorduuude5211]

I think she was trying to protect her family's privacy. This is the internet, you know.

[@tmusa2002]

My take is that she didn’t want to come across as expecting too much, but knows deep down she was, and she’s freaking exhausted beyond words and that makes you act crazy, grumpy, and feel hopeless. With those three kids, that’s the issue. She cannot go days with no help at all, husband out of town, etc., they have to find her help somewhere immediately. They probably did decide to move in a fit of pure exhausted rage. I’ve had infants and imagining that x2 in her shoes, I’m surprised she’s holding it together. I wonder if his side of the family could help. I also cannot imagine preparing to sell your house in this current situation. I feel really badly for her.

[@bleechrcreechrr]

John kept entertaining the tangential stuff though. He always does that. Makes conversation instead of getting to the point.

[@AE675]

Omg, and she has several kids🙈

[@ST-rj8iu]

you don't move across the street to spend more time together. you do it to get 24/7 daycare.

[@SL-ud7tf]

Exactly 💯

[@ericprieto4348]

free daycare no less

[@LaverneGrant-ff8ub]

Yes.

[@RachelSings21]

This!!

[@solgonzalez3936]

And free 😂

[@claireschell2917]

Every woman who is considering having kids or more kids should pay attention to this comment section. This is the truth about motherhood, you are ON YOUR OWN. Do not listen to family comments about helping out and being there. If it happens wonderful! But take care of yourself first. Kids do not need their grandparents they need a healthy mom and dad.

[@arlenemay7600]

I did it on my own. We lived far away from family and my husband worked a job that prevented much help of any sort at home. It was so hard. Three kids five an under, one still birth in between and then when things should have been in pre teen easing, a beautiful little girl six years after the last. I love my kids, I'm crazy about my grandkids and never, never, would I not help when I could. I know what it feels like to face a day with little ones and be so tired my head was dizzy. Arms and feet felt like lead weights. Then a virus would run through the house with all the nighttime sick care and invariably me getting sick when the kids energy was back. There are two sides to the story she told, no doubt, but we don't always get to choose when the babies come and she does not deserve such harsh criticism as so many have given her without even knowing her.

[@claireschell2917]

@@arlenemay7600agreed, it didn’t sound to me like she expected her mom to be full time childcare. Just someone to go on walks with😢. I wonder how many of these commenters are even parents let alone moms . I’m sorry so sorry for your loss

[@Footswalker1977]

Yes, and certainly build your village! Plus, don't have more kids than you can handle ALONE. Husbands die (in my case) or leave. You may have to raise all the kids by yourself.

[@kiesh82]

@@arlenemay7600we don’t choose when babies come?! YES the heck we do.

[@mrsaurelius4406]

This is so sad. I have 3 girls who all ended up in the same city after graduating college, about 9 hours away. We’ve all agreed that as soon as the grand babies come, we will be moving close to them. I grew up having my grandparents around all of the time as did my children. I believe western societies have completely lost the plot when it comes to what makes healthy families possible. Moms and dads need familial and community support, it takes a village as they say. Why as a grandparent, wouldn’t you want to have a close relationship with your kids and grandkids?

[@js2art1]

As a grandma myself, I also would want to help out with my grandkids but please remember 1- They are your children, not hers.2- She also has her own household she is responsible for , let alone her job. 3- Your mom is older and chasing after 3 kids under age 2 is way harder to do when you are older. . 4. I go out of my way to treat my son in law with love and respect but if he ever cussed me out and hung up on me, we would have a very difficult time repairing that bond. That would never ever go over as OK with me.

[@taraquo]

Reasonable.

[@dawnnewell237]

Totally agree with your list of reasons here! 👍🏻

[@MegaBpop]

I just had this talk with adult daughter. The tongue is stronger than the sword. One can forgive but forgetting is harder.

[@janem3575]

I'm not a mom nor grandma, but a son in law what hard cusses out a mother in law then hangs up, I would fear for the safety of my daughter too. maybe I'm wrong, if Dr Jon didn't seem concerned. but I'd still be

[@denisebennettahrentzen8340]

⁠@@janem3575I agree. If he was comfortable enough to show that level of ugly abuse directed at Grandma, there is no telling what kinds of horror he is capable of inflicting upon his wife and children. That is a huge red flag that Grandma needs to document and share with at least 2 other people who aren’t family (like a pastor, long standing family friend, therapist, trusted colleague). The reason for this is to create documented proof that can be referenced if said abuse continues. It establishes a pattern. Hopefully it will never be needed, but if authorities ask questions, you have exact details to provide and if something were to happen to Grandma, the information doesn’t pass away with her. The same idea is true for work. Always keep a paper trail. This simply covers your ass should anyone conveniently forget about the conversations that took place. After every conversation with my boss or colleague in regards to details of work in any capacity, I send a summary email to whom ever I spoke with and anyone else affected by the contents of said conversations. This not only covers your ass if anyone tries to fudge the truth, hide their mistakes, or place blame on others, but it’s a great reference on projects. Instead of having to ask anyone for details on projects, you can simply refer to your own work. Sorry that I just rambled! 😂

[@shonda79able]

Grandparents aren't supposed to be nannies. They're supposed to be a support system.

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

More like a failsafe system.

[@starrystarrynight6281]

To the people getting on John for interrupting her…if he didn’t she would have gone on side stepping and making excuses for over an hour.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

she was annoying, just spit it out already!

[@reflection8578]

Yep.

[@BP-xe7dw]

Can she stay on point?

[@DarcyCarmen]

Yes, I wanted to scream at her to get to the point.

[@sandiebradley7523]

So true & well said!

[@zahraaalz9621]

Why do all adults with kids automatically assume all grandparents want part in caring for kids?? It's not their responsibility. They can love them but have no obligation to watch them.

[@archaicamusement3871]

Because they think that older means that you are done. Probably her parents are funnier that her tho

[@Footswalker1977]

I think about this with my mom. She does watch my little one occasionally, but when we were little, my grandma (her mom) watched us ALL the time. Both before and after my parents divorced. I mean, several days in a row. Drop off/pick ups from school, I basically did daycare at Grandma's. My grandma worked nights and kept us during the day and my mom had no problem dropping us off with her. But my mom gets upset if I'm an hour late to pick up my daughter. Go figure.

[@tundeterez]

I can answer that. It's because it is still in our DNA. Historically, it's what many cultures around the world still do to this day, 3-4 generations of family members live together, and the grandparents stay involved as much as possible. It's a beautiful thing.

[@katemiller7874]

@Fo- reminder her dear.

[@debbie4893]

Additionally, why do they think, we want to listen to their squealing, screaming children?

[@Commentator488]

Her husband is very entitled, even more than her, no one is obligated to babysit his children except himself

[@Clean121]

Except himself….😂

[@FionaChandoll]

Fathers don't babysit. They raise their children.

[@dmgrosas]

@@FionaChandollWhy do people not understand this statement? Thanks for saying it.

[@annlatham]

I did it by myself and i have 4!

[@Commentator488]

@@Clean121 Tnx

[@rhettwalker4173]

Husband is loooving getting out of the house for 8 days straight!

[@not-even-german4892]

"he has better sleep at work" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@ptulip]

That's her biggest problem. 8 days?

[@KFontLab]

I think she said … he has 4 days off and then every couple of months he has 8 days off. Firefighters work 48hours on and 24 hours off and they do it all over again. I used to look at those schedules but I can’t quite remember but he isn’t at work 8 days straight

[@navmarroaming2292]

Raising kids wears you out. By the time you hit Grandma status, you want to be Grandma.

[@leatharay3565]

I could not do it. I have RA and my husband is disabled

[@nj8215]

That’s a perfect plan to end up in a nursing home alone and abandoned by your family.

[@nj8215]

@@leatharay3565that’s the reason many end up in a nursing home abandoned and alone

[@linak7155]

Yes!! Lol!

[@joannawert3095]

Unless you've had seven children of your own and homeschooled for 29 yrs. Then you're ready for some freedom!

[@TKDiscGolf]

This lady was exhausting to listen to. Took her almost 9 mins to say, I expected my parents to help with my three kids when we decided to move across the street from them.

[@FTG2Eli]

Because she is exhausted

[@dutchfarmer1]

Because she is *a woman.

[@jakes658]

So what? ​@@FTG2Eli

[@erismana2105]

​@@FTG2Eli it's like people dont learn from having the first kid , kids take resources and responsibilities

[@dabd8175]

Because she's a female

[@DodgaOfficial]

I don't know a grandparent on earth that wouldn't be delighted to watch the kids once a week for a couple hours, but something tells me this mom doesn't want occasional help, she wants her mother to be a nanny for her kids and grandma's not with it.

[@yvettenoland5500]

Thank goodness I'm not a Grandmother, because I'm in my 60's and work full time. I raised my children. I am not raising my grandchildren. Thankfully, my children have chosen not to have children.

[@txspacemom765]

You never met my Mom and no, I never had an expectation.

[@hiddenhand6973]

@@yvettenoland5500 did your parents or parents in law ever help or watch your children?

[@yvettenoland5500]

@@hiddenhand6973 Good question. Answer is no. They did not. They had their own lives to live. And we had a high maintenance disabled child. We never even had daycare or a babysitter. And even if we had been able to, we would never have presumed upon our parents to care for our children. They did their jobs. It was our turn to do ours. And we enjoyed raising our sons.

[@bethmichaels8410]

@@yvettenoland5500How gross be to happy to not have grandchildren.

[@trinathompson8587]

The one thing I've noticed about 99% of these calls is that the expectations for on-call babysitting is solely cast upon the wife's parents. They hardly ever mention the husband's parents! 🤔

[@agricolaregs]

My hubby’s 80 year old mom still watches our son when we need it. She’s amazing. She’s very independent and lives on her own. Gets around great. He was a late in late baby. So she’s a lot older than most grandmas. She lives one town over.

[@IndigoBellyDance]

Women in America do the Majority of childcare, even when they work outside the home.

[@Meadowlark57]

@@agricolaregs I hope you have the grace to let her say 'no' sometimes when you ask. Grandparents at age 50 or 80 or whatever should have the right to make their own schedules. Childcare is voluntary for grandparents.

[@fairedepeche]

Try being invited for a month long vacation with a friend with two toddlers and realizing within a minute of the conversation that you will be the mom's babysitter for a month. Nope. I didn't get on the plane.

[@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself]

Good for you! It's so ridiculous when people have more children than they can handle and then expect everyone else to pitch in.

[@texasmimi5566]

I had only one for a reason. Kids take a lot of time, energy, emotion and money. One was enough.

[@nataliebutler]

What's actually ridiculous is that we no longer have any community and people don't help each other out. It's a really unnatural unhealthy society.

[@M-hc9xm]

Good for you for realizing it so fast! I have seen young parents take their own parents on vacation but it turns out to be just free babysitting for that week. Awful ...

[@13abelmendoza]

Her parents are under no obligations to help her with her kids.

[@Kyra.rae.rosez.]

Then she’s not obligated to have them in her life 🤷‍♀️

[@LaverneGrant-ff8ub]

They are tired.

[@shawnberthiaume7056]

🤪 ​@@Kyra.rae.rosez. 🤪

[@jemmajames6719]

@@Kyra.rae.rosez.What a comment. Why should her parents help her all the time, if you have kids you should look after them yourself, every now and then it’s all right but should not be expected.

[@drphilsbarber4513]

They made her she didn’t ask to be made mine aswell take care of what you made

[@jeffreykromer325]

This is one of the few times where I would love to hear her mom’s side of the story. Feel like there is a lot of information missing.

[@not-even-german4892]

Of course

[@champagne4bfast]

Well…I feel like the truth was right in there: her husband cussed the woman out. That couldn’t have happened out of the blue. So disrespectful.

[@supernova11711]

What’s missing? EVERYTHING the daughter did and the fact that she’s insufferable lol. I hope they move…for the grandparents sake.

[@jeffreykromer325]

@@supernova11711 yes I agree. But the daughter couldn’t see it. I would’ve loved to hear the mother’s side so we could get the full story about how bad the daughter actually was.

[@supernova11711]

@@jeffreykromer325 Yes! And the son in law too actually. I have a hard time believing his treatment of her was a one off.

[@Scooterlee11]

I stepped up and helped out with my 3 grandkids. First it’s appreciated……then it’s expected…….then it’s DEMANDED!

[@denisebennettahrentzen8340]

I’m so sorry you went through that. The world is a better place with people like you in it.

[@davidcattin7006]

You either don't start, or make the conditions clear for future help.

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

My grands lived with us for a few years with their parents, and they'd ask here and there if we'd watch the critters so they could get a breather, but not once did they ever demand it. Usually, we were asking if we could snatch them up for a bit.

[@kathylovesmk]

Also, as someone who is close to 60, I also think our adult kids don't realize/recognize that physically we can't do all the things we used to be able to do.

[@agricolaregs]

This is why people should have children young.

[@BusArch42]

I am 58. We recently went to a theme park with some friends who have a lot of young kids (they are foster parents and good people ). We were the extra adults to help keep the kids safe. I kept up but they ran me ragged. I am not as able to keep up as I once was as a mother

[@BusArch42]

@@agricolaregsif they can. We spent 7 years to have our oldest daughter and I was 37 when she was born.

[@KSAS1204]

The boomers also don't take care of themselves physically and don't workout. They are unhealthy because they only care about themselves.

[@inspiteofbecauseof4745]

Young parents often struggle financially and expect their working parents to help them out in that way. My husband and I had kids later and are way more physically involved with our kids than the many young parents who are scrolling on their phones at the park.

[@shawnberthiaume7056]

Grandparents are not free babysitters. They raised you and now want to enjoy their twilight years. Shaming them is atrocious behavior.

[@hiddenhand6973]

I was raised going to stay with my grandparents for the weekend, so my parents could have a little getaway. I was able to bond with my grandparents and make lasting memories and my parents got a break. My grandma still picks up her granddaughters from school for my uncle. Those memories are so sweet to my grandma. Because of the time we spent with my grandma, any of us would drop anything to help her as she ages. if my grandparents had acted like you, I would probably not prioritize the relationship with them as they got older and needed more help because do I even know you? Do you want to relationship now that you need some thing?

[@KMH6290]

​@@hiddenhand6973 This. I have a grandma that was the biggest influence on my life because I was always at her house and she taught me so much. She's in her 80's now and I'd do anything for her. I also have a grandpa who is a monster, and he's old and senile now and none of his grandkids want anything to do with him. You have a right to have bounderies with your grandkids, but you get what you put in to a relationship.

[@anneshirley9560]

Okay, we'll don't expect us grandkids to want to visit your old butt because you treated us like a burden to enjoy your golden years. That's what happened to both of my grandmas and they're so confused. Now, I have a daughter and her favorite place to go is grandma and grandpas. They have such a great bond with her. My husband had that with his grandma. Visited her every weekend. He loved her so much.

[@ChrisAndCats]

​@@hiddenhand6973 there's a huge difference between one older child going to stay at the retired grandparents house every so often, and expecting them to be full time assistants and carers for three under-twos.

[@hiddenhand6973]

@@ChrisAndCats k remember that when you need full time assisted care in your final years. Going to get pricey!

[@gehmangang8006]

There’s a fine line with “it takes a village” vs. “crossing boundaries”. I feel like people use the village communal argument too often.

[@californiadreamer2580]

" the village" was also there to call out one's misbehavior and punish you for it. Why is that always left out of these discussions? 🤨

[@jewel3676]

Yes I love that both grandparent love our lo and take him but I also let them know they don’t have to.

[@Loulou-gw8uv]

People always want a village but when it comes to pointing out bad behaviour and expecting something to be done about it it's 'you can't tell me how to raise MY kids.' If you want the village to raise your kids, the village gets to discipline them too.

[@californiadreamer2580]

@@Loulou-gw8uv 100%agree! When I grew up, the neighborhood parents would not only call you out for misbehaving, they'd report it to your parents with a phone call or knock on the door. The neighborhood consisted of people of all different cultures, colors, and backgrounds.

[@sharnaroberson2916]

I had 3 kids under 2.5 years. Was going to school, working and no help from our family. We didn’t ever expect our parents to help. Grow up start adulting.

[@BusArch42]

Preach. We had a 2 year old when I had surprise twins. We didn’t ask for help and never expected it.

[@wingtsang9224]

I have two young kids, my main support is the nanny. My mom out right let me know that she is not interested. The paternal grandmother is interested in helping but not really ( she would say one thing but do something else) ... Not really mad at them ... Because, my kids are my responsibility.

[@elchappy2809]

​@@wingtsang9224 That is correct, you wanted them, so they are a parent's responsibility, not the grandparents.

[@aprilsmithswe]

That was our same situation-and it was HARD-but it was our choice to have those kids-we are aware of how birth control works! My mom helped when she was able but felt no obligation and I never relied on her for help.

[@betsywoolbright8059]

​@@wingtsang9224your kids are your responsibility. That's why you have a nanny.

[@susanpowell8927]

Before my son had children I was near retirement. I told him that I had worked for 45 yrs in the UK health service, full time, and not to count on me for a lot of childcare. I am now 71 and they have a 2yr old. I adore him but only do the odd babysitting so they can go for a meal or the cinema. I am not in the best of health, but at least he didn't blindly have kids and expect me to help.

[@Girlgonewise]

They thought they could manipulate her parents into taking care of their kids by moving close to her parents……Backfired!

[@catcoffee7958]

And the husband and the wife are entitled,,, she is childish

[@CrystalM1917]

Yes. Time to grow up. I've got two and one on the way. Great thing is I knew going in these kids were our responsibility. Thats why with baby #3 on the way I am confident I know how to handle what to come bc I've already did it all by myself twice before. But it may be a reason why they are 11, 7, and now this one...😅 and not stairsteps..

[@Jaycarbrownie12]

Her parents knew lol 😂

[@user-pn6rd6fv9w]

It’s about time grandparents say no! They’re very entitled, their parents don’t have to be taking kids in their retirement years when they should be enjoying their last years!

[@Jaycarbrownie12]

@@CrystalM1917 smart cookie

[@piggy3745]

Old people are tired. Stop expecting them to be built in sitters.

[@lesleyrobertson5465]

Yes but they should at least acknowledge their own grandchildren. His dad does contribute in any way. Useless man

[@lisahinkofer2085]

Exactly

[@shoebill181]

For sure

[@tmusa2002]

All these entitled jack wagons out here will understand when they get older. I don’t envision them being caring or helpful with their own grandchildren. This generation is overall a nasty group. Take, take, take.

[@NickanM]

Or ill like I am. My daughter in law is angry at me, not thinking about that. I just had one hip replacement, I need another one, and one knee needs to be replaced. I have severe arthritis. I can hardly walk, and I live in extreme pain. *_I can not run after my grandkids if they run into something dangerous!!!!_*

[@jessjulia6]

It’s sooo weird that people have kids and expect others to help them raise them.

[@taraquo]

Ours begged annoyingly for grand babies.

[@mrs.c5471]

Well to be honest, the "it takes a village" has merit. Community used to help with everyone's children. But to demand help, that's beyond entitled

[@hezmydaddyo2722]

I knew from the get go my mother would never be help , and she wasn’t.

[@actual_doge3221]

It's so weird to deliberately have three kids under two and then complain about it .

[@Decadence13666]

​@@actual_doge3221 I don't think that twins are ever really deliberate. Unless you have fertility treatments. But like a comment above said, people used to help. They used to look out for each other and thier kids. Now people are lonely and the family is on thier own. The term "support system" is more of a fantasy at this point.

[@distorbia20]

I have 3 kids and my husband and I don’t expect anyone to look after them. My parents don’t live far and honestly I don’t want them to look after my kids. I want my parents to enjoy their freedom. Also if I expect I will get disappointed. I don’t want my kids to be seen as a burden not that my parents will think like that. My husband and I work around our own schedule to ensure our kids have access to at least one of us

[@analozada9475]

Moral of the story: don’t have kids that you can’t handle or afford. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to take care of your children, unless you pay someone to do so.

[@rengurenge]

It's not anyone's elses responsibility but it's also not anyone's elses right to take away someones kids or demand them to serve "country" when they turn 18 or feed system (society) which didn't lift finger to help those kids to grow into adults.

[@analozada9475]

@@rengurenge Your comment has nothing to do with what I said. I think you’re confused.

[@MegaBpop]

Amen! I completely agree. Can’t afford them, don’t have them.

[@treesnmoguls]

While I AGREE, when you have twins or triplets shortly after a baby....ah, give her a break!

[@analozada9475]

@@MegaBpop💯

[@alliejones9864]

She says her mother is so busy that she didn’t want to burden her with the realtor thing and her brother, but she STILL expects her to make even MORE time for her and 3 kids when she doesnt even work herself, and, they are both disrespectful to her. How much after bringing up two of her own kids and still working does she expect an ageing parent to do.

[@KellyM-gv3bo]

💯!!! Like huh!? Entitled much!?

[@shanandananscoo]

Wait this caller doesn't work outside the home?

[@fire12731]

Lady you are beyond entitled and your rude husband is WRONG to cuss mom out and hang up on her!!!!!

[@taraquo]

Yeah he should apologize for sure.

[@elizabethwitte6417]

That happened in my family no less than 3 times and guess what, he lost a big fat inheritance!!!

[@winniethepoohandeeyore2]

Agreed.

[@flooferwoofenschnizz3858]

Correct!!

[@pastryshack551]

It good he cuss his mother in law, because now she can really free. My mother had 13 kids, took care of all of them by herself, these young people think their parents are entitled to their parents taking care of their children that's why she moved close to her a real user. Then moved and did not even get mum to handle her real-estate. Really disrectfull

[@actuallyterry]

Why is she laughing at the fact that her husband swore at her mom?

[@amaragrace94]

Right! They are clearly the problem. I'm glad Dr. John told them so. They should both apologize to her like grown ups and discuss a dynamic moving forward.

[@tundeterez]

Nervous laughter. She is probably stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's probably worse than she revealed. She is minimizing.

[@gerria2000]

Yep, that was a relationship breaker right there.

[@ashlipack9638]

I noticed that too. I think she was enjoying the fact her husband did it.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

People laugh when they’re uncomfortable.

[@saywhatnow57]

Fellow humans, stop texting your family and friends about sensitive topics. Just stop.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

💯

[@js2art1]

Amen!

[@zeroounce8874]

100%

[@Username26425]

True. Always better face to face. To much nuance in text.

[@AmirahJoy]

I agree in part. However, when you are dealing with family members who rewrite history, having a dated and written record of what was actually said can be helpful.

[@pnw6324]

To her parents…. Move far far away from your daughter. Far

[@joshw7415]

Horrible communication and an inability to be direct is the root cause of their issues. The daughter’s expectations are way out of line

[@AB-qv9ku]

All her little "explaining" and going into detail to provide context is very manipulative. She thinks because she says stuff in a nice way or that she includes what's "best" for others in her plans "my parents will love seeing the kids more" "we all could use some more family time" that it's harmless. A manipulator is a manipulator and people like this are red flags. And John clocked her saying "You speak around the bush too much". She's trying to choose her words carefully to never be the bad guy. Hopefully she can look in the mirror and realize she's in the mess she and she alone created.

[@erismana2105]

Sounds like the husband is the same way

[@leabeauty837]

*they alone created it. The mother & father

[@ThePolypam]

​​@@leabeauty837False. Narcissistic disorders are not dependent on rearing.

[@laceyunderall22]

@@ThePolypam I don’t think that’s the point that was being made. I don’t want to speak for somebody else. But I interpreted that comment as a correction to place the blame squarely on mom AND father of the young children rather than just the mother of the young children.

[@josanchez19991]

Exactly 💯

[@lala95j]

This woman needs to grow up.

[@christinebutler7630]

Seriously, she sounds like a teenager.

[@lisaleone5128]

Very immature.

[@shanelym.bravogarcia]

She needs to be taken for child abuse

[@howlbeast]

FR

[@tmusa2002]

She’s so exhausted she’s not acting rationally. Put those kids in daycare three days per week so she can get some sleep and a lot of this will be fixed.

[@MountainGirl420]

The poor Grandparents didn’t ask for 3 more kids to raise.

[@rengurenge]

True that but grandparents had kids but forgot they don't stop being their children after they turn 18. For some having kids are just another thing to check in some "to do list", drag them to 18th birthday because law demands it and then abandon (some even don't wait for 18 to abandon their children). Sometimes grandparents grinds their kids for grandchildren to check another box in their "to do list" but wants nothing else besides status of grandparent.

[@MountainGirl420]

@@rengurenge Yes, but that’s definitely not the case. here.

[@Cecile2906]

Dr John was right telling her that she beats around the bush too much and to get straight to the point. He’s patient but this caller went in circles.

[@nolabae]

Don't have children expecting others to care for them, that's your responsibility and shame on this lady for standing behind her hubby cursing momma out.

[@lilithowl]

Pffft he used one f word. Big deal.

[@LipstickNWhiskey]

Agreed

[@tracy5721]

@@lilithowl Low class and tacky language

[@sandrasmith7313]

Unless you can afford a nanny 😅

[@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself]

@@lilithowl I would never talk to my MIL or FIL like that. It's just plain disrespectful. I'm sure he would be upset if they spoke to him in that manner.

[@jackijohnson3778]

I left my good job to stay home to raise my kids and i got no help from family. Stayed home for 14 years, 2 years ago i went back to work. Got some extra money, helped depressiom, work os good for me. My oldest is married and lives 3 hours away. He declared recently that they are oving back and wanting to have a baby and they want me to watch the kids while they worked. Obviously he was happy the way he was raised but i moved on to the next place in my life. I dont want to raise more kids but i would help. Because i wouldnt raise future grandkids, they wont move closer.

[@leabeauty837]

Good for u

[@GizelleQuant]

Good for you foot sticking up for yourself.

[@ms-corleone]

Good that you had the conversation before he moved and mutual resentment started to build…

[@hiddenhand6973]

I hope you won’t expect their help in your last few years of life

[@camellia8625]

@@hiddenhand6973 she has already given up 14 years to focus on raising him, mothering that was of such a high standard that he wanted that for his own kids. Furthermore, even if she hypothetically did give up her life again to raise her grandchildren there is absolutely no guarantee that she would be looked after in her old age.

[@mjbalmmac1588]

Adults deciding to have kids should never expect grandparents to give up their life to take care of their grandparents. They have already made sacrifices raising their kids. They get to live their life.

[@taraquo]

Also the kids should not be expected to take care of aging parents.

[@agricolaregs]

@@taraquoexactly.

[@mmason9836]

​@@taraquoand the kids should not expect an inheritance.

[@leahartlee29]

@@mmason9836 Exactly!

[@lisad56]

Her expectation … what an entitlement. I agree with the mother being worried about the daughter’s marriage. The son in law was out of line for cursing at her.

[@berniegordon6338]

You can’t tell me that them not using her mom as a realtor was not a passive aggressive move

[@catcoffee7958]

Yes by the husband fir not helping with the kids

[@berniegordon6338]

@@catcoffee7958probably more on the wife because she is her daughter

[@CrystalM1917]

Yeah it was done on purpose to spite the mom.

[@somethinggood-sy1ed]

Or a good boundary

[@kiesh82]

Definitely!

[@BeautifulLorah]

So they wanted free daycare and they did not get it and now they got upset!

[@philwill0123]

Grandma wanted free commission too. Probably got it the first time

[@zhmw]

My husband and I have 3 kids under 5 years, and for the first 5 years we lived 1000s of miles away and in a difference country from my parents and several states away from his elderly mother. My husband worked full time outside our home and sometimes he had to go on business trips. But somehow, I managed to care for 3 young children on my own, when my husband was away at work. And when we decided to move closer to my parents and family, we moved close but still a healthy distance away from my family. My parents told my 4 siblings and me (with 16 children between us all) that they are NOT babysitters. As they were still working and had the right to pursue their own hobbies and dreams, because they raised 5 children who were born within 7 years. My siblings never asked nor expected our children to babysit our children. But we had lots of fun family get-togethers as an extended family. We all knew what the 'boundaries' and the 'roles' were, in regard with our parents. They are grandparents, not babysitters. And they were wonderful grandparents.

[@Katie-sf7jt]

That sounds like a nice healthy respectful dynamic!

[@agricolaregs]

They chose to have a lot of kids. That seems weird to put that as an excuse to not grandparent.

[@carolethomas9808]

My story is unbelievable…but true. My daughter had triplets, she went back to work and I kept the triplets. Five years later she had triplets again. (IVF) I had those three added to the other three. They are very sweet children. 21 years later I have worked myself to death. My daughter is so very appreciative. So much so that I am ditched at Christmas and all other holidays. No gifts or cards at any holiday. Do not sign up to keep children. You have served your time.

[@ikeameltdown8012]

I am so sorry. Hope those grandkids are appreciative.

[@westchuchilly]

Omgg I’m sorry that’s so selfish! I’m sorry, you deserve the absolute world. My mom helped me postpartum with both of my children and I am eternally grateful.

[@archaicamusement3871]

So she pretends her parents to help her with the kids while they are still helping their own son who is struggling? And more, hubby disrespect her mother and she is still siding for him? This woman is the epitome of no accountability 😂

[@sashawd9722]

What hit me is that she glossed over is that her mom, who is actually caring for her brother, who had a life-threatening issue.

[@archaicamusement3871]

@@sashawd9722 exactly. Her brother obviously is priority for her parents. His life depends on them. She, on the other hand, have a husband 🙄

[@GameChanger597]

She seemed very understanding that her mother needed to care for her brother. I didn't hear her say one bad thing about it. And yes she has a husband but he has to work 5 hours away on occasion and so she was hoping to have her mother's health since they had discussed it before she moved nearby. I do find it a little strange that her mother couldn't go across the street to help her and her three children when they were all sick so instead her husband had to drive 5 hours back home from work to help instead. It makes it hard to discern the true situation when she didn't say why her brother needs that level of her mother's help. Does he have a debilitating disease and no one to care for him but her? Or was he under suicide watch and she was afraid to leave his side? We can't know who is right or wrong in this situation but I can definitely understand her frustration with her mother not being able to help even though she had moved across the street from her mother for specifically that reason- extra help.

[@lithopheliax61x5]

@@GameChanger597 exactly. and I am also wondering a bit about the father, doesn't he live across the street as well?

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Her husband sounds immature

[@progers86]

They're YOUR kids though. 🤔🤷🏾‍♂️

[@CrystalM1917]

Yes. I had a sister in law who said her in laws won't retire....as if their not using birth control was the grandparents problem. if they couldnt manage their kids maybe stop getting pregnant every 5 minutes?

[@psalmbird6187]

Her mom asked her to move so she could help but now they backed out.

[@IHateNicolasCage]

@@psalmbird6187 "Help" means different things to different people. They never sat down and agreed on what "help" means. That's the problem.

[@crd9551]

@@psalmbird6187 That's not what happened. The caller said they moved for work. Your making things up.

[@SL-ud7tf]

​@@crd9551 Right. Plus her mom's working and helping keep her adult son alive (could be mental or physical), that's a big stress especially if she's elderly or has her own health issues.

[@suemurphy1730]

Her inability to simply answer a question is amazing.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

or get to the point!

[@natapy]

The root of this whole situation! It seems that she has no conception of how poor a communicator she is. If her husband is similar, no wonder the family and career stuff is a mess.

[@agatanakonieczny2213]

She knows she is manipulating. She called her mother reasons to be busy with her brother "excuses" 🤦

[@Josie1987]

Or she realizes she has made some really bad decisions

[@BusArch42]

It’s not an accident. This is her way of obfuscating the truth.

[@salliekim2727]

It’s a privilege to have grandparents. Mine were already passed on when I was born. I am a counselor for teens and most of my clients were raised by their grandparents because their parents are no longer here. They are very tired and I feel terrible for them.

[@commanderbarbie2550]

No one’s obligated to watch your kids. That’s not how that works. This is just a bad idea on having more kids if you can’t handle it.

[@catcoffee7958]

True,, she was giggling like a child,,, woman get a grip

[@katemiller7874]

Yup

[@hollyj2925]

Exactly 👍

[@elliedo01]

They thought they were having 2 kids and through no fault of their own, ended up with three. It’s not like people choose to have twins.

[@commanderbarbie2550]

@@elliedo01 but you still know it’s possible. Not really an excuse if you’re ok with getting pregnant in the first place.

[@vivianivey6663]

She didn’t mind using her mother for free daycare, but a situation that would have given her mother a financial boost was too much. Shame on her self righteousness. And l would be horrified if my spouse swore at my mother.

[@sakitoby1581]

Mine would have NEVER done so, and believe me, there were many times where my mom would've DESERVED it. This young woman and her husband sound like brats to me.

[@champagne4bfast]

Yeah. I can’t imagine my husband cussing at my mom. That’s bananas. That might be related to why her mom keeps her distance.

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

Being someone's mother does NOT give you a pass to say and do whatever you like, and you get zero response or repercussions. That level of entitlement to think that because you birthed someone that they or their spouse or their kids have zero right to speak their mind or respond to what you're doing is insane. That's one reason why adult kids are cutting some parents off. Ones parental status does not and never should give them any sort of privilege or pass on their actions and behaviors.

[@themacandcheese2240]

She let someone cuss her mama out???! The caller is insufferable and entitled. I bet she’s a big manipulator when it comes to the hubby too 💔.

[@philwill0123]

Or the husband witnessed grandma making a huge show about helping out if the moved closer and witnessed grandma completely withdrawing that offer as soon as they moved and cussed her out because the effect on his wife

[@themacandcheese2240]

Nah I hope that man isn’t that weak…the wife is using her emotional “effects” to get her man to behave brashly. She knows him, she knows how to hit his “defender” buttons. I feel bad for him, bc he is married to someone who will let him cuss her mom out. And I feel bad for her bc she is married to a man who can be emotionally riled up to the point of degrading themselves.

[@mrs.whatley5596]

You gotta be kidding me. As a grandma I’m not obligated too help you raise your kids.

[@hiddenhand6973]

K then don’t expect help when you’re too old to get things done around the house. Hope you can afford care.

[@tmusa2002]

⁠@@hiddenhand6973I hope her kids are not so vindictive. So for you, the deal is: If you take care of my kids, I’ll help you when you get old and need help around the house”? Yeow. I hope your parents are aware of this.

[@RedCurlyQ1]

@@tmusa2002no. What goes around comes around, get ready for it.

[@tmusa2002]

@@RedCurlyQ1 You better plan to take care of your grandkids, too, just in case your children are this entitled. I hope they aren’t.

[@RedCurlyQ1]

@@tmusa2002 every child is entitled to a loving mother and father, and family that teaches, helps and supports. I have been a caretaker for my own grandmother, my husband and I love raising our children and are dedicated to being there for them AND THEIR CHILDREN for love and support as much as we can wherever it’s needed. This is my duty and honor to do so. I grieve for those who do not have these family bonds, and cannot understand much of the older generation that have thrown them away in pursuit of their own selfishness.

[@starrystarrynight6281]

She has the most entitled attitude. Don’t ever “expect” your family to do anything for you. They won their freedom when you and your siblings left. FYI…they caught on to your game and are pulling back nicely.

[@katie0303]

Isn't grandma a bit entitled thinking she should be selling their house?

[@link10909]

Because granny definitely thought "oh they are buying a house three hours from his work and right across the street from us because it was the only house they could find that fit them at the best price..what a coincidence..." Moving can cost tens of thousands especially if they bought a house, if granny talked a good game then decided nvm once dirty diapers smelled a little worse than she remembered it's not really on the moms for feeling let down and wronged now that they need to spend thousands on a new move. A lot of this comes down to poor communication up front and who is worse at that is unknown.

[@humblejoy3564]

👀🤣

[@harjitbasran164]

This is hilarious. This caller needs to get to the point. No wonder the mom does not want to deal with them . Get to the point .

[@aliciahernandez6203]

She gave me anxiety.

[@link10909]

Where do you think she learned this communication style from? There is a reason her husband told the MIL that her fe fes being hurt because they didn't hire a retired overly busy realtor wasnt their problem and hung up on her.

[@Phoenix-J81]

I really don't get how someone can pop out a bunch of kids, and expect someone else to deal with them. They are your responsibility. Period.

[@labbott3933]

She's crying because her parents aren't helping enough?! Talk about entitled.

[@VV-er3zg]

Honestly she’s probably just so overwhelmed and tired. I cry a lot if I don’t sleep lmao

[@mp80085]

It was about grandma thinking her daughter resented her for not helping with the kids and husband going nuclear on grandma for her accusations.

[@penelope5500]

@@VV-er3zg I agree. Having twins w/ another one that small has to be overwhelming. She probably can't remember the last time she had a decent night's sleep. I think John's advice was exactly right. Just get moved closer to husband's work. Let the mistake of moving so close to mom go & let resentments heal. Everything will get better w/ some time.

[@gessrinky9129]

I hope her mother doesn’t expect to move in with her when she becomes old and ill….

[@milfywaygalaxy5096]

Yep. True. And they're under no obligation to help them when they're ready for the home. Now this lady and the mother suck at communicating, but once your kids are out of the house then any communication you have beyond that part is extra 🤨 Me and my parents have phone calls every week and they watch my son monthly for date nights. I take them to dinner, concerts, and I cook and clean for all holidays. We fix their house.i even come over and clean for my mom sometimes. When my mom and dad are too elderly to care for themselves, we have a mother in law suite they'll move into on our land and will have a carer. Me and my siblings are making moves now so that happens. So many people in the comments are going to end up in the home 💅 Hope y'all saved up a bunch because a decent assisted living facility is at least 5k a month for a MID facility

[@annhenry3135]

Prime example of not taking responsible for your actions. Her parents owe her nothing. I suspect her kids are not well behaved or Grandmother wants her life.

[@hiddenhand6973]

Her parents can remember that no one owes anyone anything when they’re put in a care home for the elderly.

[@lindagunn6257]

That's crap their grandparents not a fulltime daycare facility ...shame on you and the comment about how they should think about old age care..nursing home how disgraceful

[@ilykepink]

she's so annoying and needs to work on communicating more directly

[@tobyfitzpatrick565]

I couldn't listen to the entire thing. Agree.

[@ambernelli7791]

I felt like the whole call was her talking around the subject instead of being direct. If that is how she handles her expectations no wonder she is unhappy.

[@ThePolypam]

​@@tobyfitzpatrick565 could or couldn't?

[@tobyfitzpatrick565]

COULDN'T.

[@tobyfitzpatrick565]

@@ThePolypam Thanks! Yikes.

[@undesirable0]

Although you should never expect to get help, I totally understand wanting to have help. Parenting by yourself can not only be tough at times but it is super lonely when they are little. Involved grandparents are truly a godsend

[@LaverneGrant-ff8ub]

Yes but if the grandparent is tired, she has right to say no.

[@hiddenhand6973]

@@LaverneGrant-ff8ub yes and the families will drift further and further apart as Grandma prioritizes work over family. This will not end well as grandma and grandpa get to their last few years on earth. It will be very lonely. Relationships and friendships. Take work and effort and time and that doesn’t just suddenly appear when Grandma is 92 and needs someone to come and help her four days a week. commenters will operate the children and grandchildren for not helping Grandma but where was Grandma when the adult children needed help?

[@natalia_00123]

Then she should've stopped at child #1 if she can't handle it.

[@RoxyChaos]

​@hiddenhand6973 this comment exactly!! Grandparents are nowhere to be found when their adult kids need help (keyword HELP) raising their grand babies but then they get old and sick expecting their adult children to stop their lives to care for them in old age. The wisdom and companionship they could provide their adult children is massive. God designed families to operate in a way where parents don't stop being parents just because their kids grow up.

[@Buff19]

Yes, all the comments here truly show that any sense of community is totally dead. I’m so thankful I have my mom and mother-in-law around when my kids were young, often just as companionship bc it was lonely at home. I was always thankful and made sure to let them know. Even now my teens like to meet with their cousins at Grans house on Fridays, order pizza and hang out. My mom doesn’t have to care for them anymore, other than to provide copious amounts of junk food, but she gets to hear their jokes and has the comfort of a house abuzz for a few hours again (she was one of 13 and had four of us girls).

[@kara8911]

She said they have helped “exponentially” but that’s not enough?!

[@mogx2586]

Yup heard that - confused me too

[@cobrakaier238]

This woman is unbelievable. Her mother has other kids and she had to keep her child alive. What about her dad? Somehow she only had expectations with her mother.

[@gossipandgrigio7200]

Great point

[@Cassie00111]

that's how it is. People expect women to be the babysitter, not the dad. non ending unpaid work

[@katrinaDS]

It’s your kids! Your family! You take care of your kids and your family. It’s no one else’s responsibility to take care of what you created! Any help you receive you should be thankful and grateful for but you definitely shouldn’t expect someone else to disrupt their life to make your life easier just because you want them to. This lady sounds spoiled really. It’s just not right.

[@debbie4893]

Amen to that comment 😊

[@user-blob]

This exactly.

[@daleduncan5080]

God she’s exhausting! Her voice, her words, her tone, her thoughts. Ugghh! I could barely listen. I am a grandmother of 2 and a mother of 4. My daughter knows I’ve done my time. I’ll help out here and there but I’m not a regular babysitter. It’s exhausting!

[@user-bj3jg5qb5v]

This gal's poor mother. Son's a basket case, daughter can't stop yelling MOM MOM MOM. I can't believe the mother hasn't moved to another continent.

[@nmalele0909]

Mom should be ecstatic that these lunatics are leaving. They clearly went with another realtor out of spite, they just won't admit to it.

[@whiteshadowfare]

100% it had nothing to do with mom being busy. That may sound good, but everyone can see through those words

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

It’s not very clear, she said her mom was busy. Just like she isn’t expected to watch the kids, they’re not expected to go with her just because she’s family.

[@wg3951]

Pretty obvious she’s using her being “busy” as an excuse to provide cover for their pettiness. Mom is clearly upset they didn’t go with her.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

@@wg3951 it’s clear they’re not communicating properly.

[@kathleenmathews6096]

She states her mother was too busy to be the realtor but doesn’t think she’s too busy to baby-sit.

[@standground7956]

*I can only imagine what her husband has to put up with.* It took 8mins for her to basically complain about her parents not helping her with her children. I’ve never understood why people dump grandchildren off on the grandparents like it’s mandatory for them to help. Plus, be adults and make a freaking phone call about serious matters. Adults are out here texting like teenagers. Smh.

[@debbie4893]

She may not be as articulated as you. Please don't judge, critiqued, until you walk in her shoes. Hopefully you both wear the same size shoe or you won't be able understand. Be blessed

[@erismana2105]

​@@debbie4893people have a right to thier opinions you don't have a right to silence others because you don't like what they say.

[@standground7956]

@@debbie4893 Can you at least be consistent at bare minimum? On this same video, you replied, “Additionally, why do they think, we want to listen to their squealing, screaming children?” I was simply addressing the fact that she was beating around the bush about what actually happened. She was definitely articulate enough, she was just dancing around the issue at hand. I don’t have to “walk in her shoes” to notice that.

[@lilithowl]

Teenagers? Mate, we've all been texting since the 90s. It's not the preserve of teenagers.

[@standground7956]

@@lilithowl Mate, people shouldn’t have important conversations via text messages. I’m guessing you’re the type to break up with someone via text because it’s convenient. Don’t pretend like you didn’t know what I meant. Of course people text but sometimes there are serious matters that should be discussed face to face or at least via phone call that way there are no misunderstandings.

[@S_H9260]

Long before I was in a position to have kids i told my mom that I would love to have her babysit for me when I worked. She told me right then that she did not want to raise her grandkids, she wanted to enjoy them. I'm glad she was upfront with her expectations and we knew where we stood before the situation came up. Talking things out and not making assumptions can avoid so many problems.

[@pyewacketpeggy8329]

My mom told my sister “ You made them, you raise them”

[@privacyplease1556]

I’ve watched a lot of John’s show. Very rare to have a call like this where one person is so obviously in the wrong. The conflicts are usually so much more nuanced and complicated

[@caseyyaw3956]

Yeah this was way more black and white than thought it would be when I originally started the video.

[@SamanthaURen]

It takes time to learn but we need to remember that sometimes expectations only set us up for failure

[@leximia5539]

I have 6 kid's..im now 56 my youngest is 13....4 still live with me..i have no intention rearing my grankids if i ever have any...i will never understand how kids think its the grandmas job to rear their grandkids...why wuld a woman whos raised a family want to raise a second family!! When is it their time..people get to retire from a job..when does grandma? If u have kids u raise them..grandma will help out when she wants too but its so unfair to expect her to raise ur kids..its the hardest job when ur young so its harder when ur older...if the grandparents WANT to do this job thats fine but the expectation that they are there doing nothing so they shuld raise ur kids is disgusting..they are entitled to THEIR time after raising their kids..

[@wendysteinberg2595]

When my daughters were teenagers I felt it eould be important to let them know that if they got pregnant, I would not be able to help them. No babysitting, as I was working 2 jobs, and they would have to find someone else to help. I'm still not a grandma. Hmmmm. Decisions, decisions.

[@Bethelgal42]

We moved down the street from my parents when I was pregnant with our third. We are blessed to have Grandparents close who help with the kids, but it was never an entitlement.

[@hiddenhand6973]

Please repay the favor when they are old and need help getting chores done and errands run. God bless you and them.

[@boston312]

The entitlement of many people is amazing. All of this should have been figured out before bringing a child into this world

[@traceymap]

You figure it out as it happens. You cant know before a kid is born what moms challenges are going to be.

[@Brynn-tx3rb]

GMA sure felt ENTITLED to that 3rd commission! They got a game plan for help when she found out it was twins. Gma was supportive when she was getting paid to sell thier home, get paid for buying the house across the street. Then daughter dosnt get the help that she offered! If Gma is too busy to help like she offered then she is too busy to take me on as client and get paid AGAIN to help us find another home. This comment section is terrible.

[@yhiontop]

​@@traceymapthat is a terrible way to plan your life. You have a plan before having kids and put in measures to ensure you follow it. Also make allowances for unforseen circumstances. The problem with too many is their unplanned reckless way of living... thinking things will automatically fall into place.

[@elizabethpoley6882]

​@yhiontop You go, girl! That's what I just said. I have a younger sister and brother. We are all 5 years apart. Mom planned it that way. That way, if things get hectic, the older child can look after the younger, while Mom finishes cooking or cleaning. And, this was in the 60s for God's sake! It's time these young women and men of today grow up! Figuring it out as it happens usually hits a snag sooner or later.

[@ADHDpancakesurprise]

If you have kids they are YOUR responsibility. Years before WFH was common I had a job where I worked from home. I don't have kids on purpose. Love kids, just don't want to have any full time. My sister has 3, they were 3-7 at the time, she tried calling me up out of the blue a few times expecting to just drop them off so she can get her hair done or go to a Drs appt. I would refuse (because I was working!) and she'd get an attitude and hang up on me. Not my kids, not my problem.

[@holly7214]

What’s worse: a grandparent who doesn’t have much interest in their grandchildren and won’t help with childcare… or a grandparent who thinks their grandchildren are actually their children and won’t respect the parents’ boundaries?

[@SOF5615]

How about Grandparents that r involved but they have a life and can’t always watch the grandchildren.

[@LaverneGrant-ff8ub]

@@SOF5615 very good reply.

[@thetaekwondoe3887]

The latter.

[@x-mess]

Let's not mention that grandma probably earned a chunky comission when they moved to be closer and is now mad she didn't earn another 20k when they're moving away.

[@crazeekids9744]

We Gen X grandparents are going to be savage at keeping our boundaries in place. We love our grandchildren AND we do not want to raise another round of children, period.

[@michellebilodeau3882]

Amen.

[@hiddenhand6973]

OK, please remember that attitude when you reach your last few years on earth and want family around to help you.

[@dj_bae]

Sounds like Gen X and boomers have a lot more in common than I thought.

[@stormyweather2807]

@@hiddenhand6973 i knew an 87 year old who was helping raise great grandchildren, and also working weekends in a pizza place. How many times do you think i saw her kids, grands, or older great-grands helping her?

[@tmusa2002]

@@stormyweather2807Same! My husband’s aunt raised grandkids and helped with great and great-great grandkids, always dedicated to her family. They are nowhere to be found now that she’s 92 and could use some help around the house. It’s not “I’ll help you when you get old if you help me with my kids,” it’s if the family has any morals and decency. Many out here in the comments lack both.

[@benjaminhartman4488]

I am in a different situation, with different circumstances, but can relate. I asked my parents one time to cover for me and watch my sick kids for a morning, they lived 30 minutes away. My wife couldn't get off and I had an interview (that I ultimately won) for a construction project scheduled at that time. I had never bothered them for an emergency before. I had never asked them for help with the kids regardless, we keep our kids and struggle with the hardship of full time job and parenting. They are retired and chose to go workout and go to a recreational meeting. I was told "we can help when we can, we won't when we can't". That little moment will sit with me forever and has already become a part of my values. In a similar situation, I would never turn my kids away in a moment like that".

[@sarahm9968]

Honestly, some people thinking parenting magically ends at 18, but my children will be my (albeit adult) children for the rest of my life. We are in a similar position to you and while our parents logistically can't help, they would love to. We appreciate any help offered, but it's made me realize that if my children have children, I'd like to be more present. I find it interesting how people from generations that got so much support from their village are now so unwilling to be a village.

[@RepentImmediately]

Sorry but people who ask others to watch their sick kids have no regard for other people's health.

[@SL-ud7tf]

Sometimes it depends on various things, like how old or sick that 'village' is or parents are etc. This caller's mother is also dealing with her son's health. Caller said her mom is keeping him alive. Will be different in the future, because with cost of living and life's many pressures it looks like most woke/younger generations are choosing to be child free.

[@benjaminhartman4488]

@@RepentImmediately it was a different circumstance, like a small fever omitting them from daycare or swimmers ear, i.e. no threat to adults. Basically no excuse other than being inconvenienced.

[@clarity2974]

​​@@benjaminhartman4488 it's a small fever for a child not an old person. Children will be fine but let an old person catch it it becomes more serious. You are only thinking of yourself. You should never send sick kids to elderly people ever. I work in home healthcare and I've seen it get bad.

[@RoxyChaos]

Familes are so out of whack these days. Children are treated as burdens instead of being loved and cherished by both parents and grandparents. All i know is if my daughters bless me with grandchildren i will be there for them to help and love on them. The lack of support has been hard and my children wish for their grandparents to want to see them. They dont by choice due to other priorities. We live minutes apart. No big family drama. Just purely too caught up in their own lives. I will try to provide for my grandchildren what i see my own children missing. You have to be in this position to understand. It shouldn't be wanting just a babysitter. Thats not right or fair.

[@labbott3933]

She's a stay at home mom, and expects her parents to care for kids? Wow. Put oldest in daycare you entitled mother.

[@biffm.2806]

She’s not expecting her parents to care for her kids !! She was expecting them to spend more time together.

[@carolr7823]

@@biffm.2806 No, she was expecting her parents to take care of her kids.

[@biffm.2806]

@@carolr7823 nothing she said was anything close to that. In fact, she stated they helped out a lot. It was the family/relationship building time together she was missing. I get exactly what she’s referring to.

[@dracocaelestis6370]

which part was entitled? her mother said she wanted to spend more together yet that clearly wasn’t the case. the sole purpose of them moving away from the husband’s job is to be close to the family. yet they were close physically but absolutely failed to build relationship, grandkids included. and it seems like they’re all really bad in communicating their needs and intentions.

[@mitsubachi6865]

Why should they? These are your kids. Your parents did their share raising you. They don't owe you anything. You were simply looking for free daycare. Sorry, it's absolutely not compulsory of them to accept. You bet, and you lost. Too bad.

[@CrystalM1917]

Exactly. I've been raising my kids for 12 years now. We visit my parents or my parents will ask when they want them. Other than that I don't expect much else. Here and there if I have an appt. I will ask if I need help with a dr.s appt. etc. But I will try to work it out with my husbands schedule to not rely on my parents. My parents are older I care about their health and not wearing them out with small kids. My kids are 12 and 7 now but their boys and can be a handful, particularly they younger one. My husband works rotating shifts for for a nuclear station and he is gone 16 plus hrs a day and sometimes goes out of town for outages. It's a rough schedule where he has to get up at 3:30 am and doesn't get home till 6. Lots of nights alone lots of needing to be quiet during thr day tmfor husband csn sleep during thr night. I also work from home😅....yeah anyway, they are our kids and we have to figure out how to raise them on our own. They are our responsibility not our parents....

[@crestinglight]

You didn't listen to a word of this call. You read a title, made assumptions, then commented your ignorance. Great job.

[@cappehnkrunch]

​@@crestinglightright. The issue is mom is upset that they moved closer to the husband's work without consulting them, reading slight into it and they're doing this all over the phone/text, so it's going about as well as those kinds of conversations usually go.

[@ZeroMajor01]

Boomers are selfish. Previous generations were more helpful

[@amaristhecrow7084]

I sometimes feel so jealous of my parents. We spent weeks at a time with our maternal grandparents and we spent 7:30 to 5 every weekday with my grandma and grandpa until we were school aged, then we just stayed after school. My parents had wonderful parents who were just fully invested. My dad left asap and started a second family and stopped talking to us at 18. My mom just isn’t a huggy feely kid type(former teacher so just kidded out) and she just has a boundary where she will babysit three times a year . I am so thankful for that. But we definitely didn’t have the help my parents did at all and they were super lucky. I just knew beforehand that’s not my mom’s style, and never expected it. But I was so jealous of her sometimes.😆 Now I am glad we did it all together on our own without help , even when our youngest is sick and we are struggling rough. But in the early years when I had to give up my career to be home because my husband couldn’t do it and daycares around here mostly work for the state and are full full full, I was sooo jealous.

[@singerjo5791]

Whew! I am tired listening to her try to ask the question.

[@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself]

I was exhausted and aggravated while listening to her. The constant inappropriate laughter was so annoying lol.

[@rachelwalker5959]

OMG this story took 1000 years to get to the point.

[@LKT1215]

Everyone saying “they are your kids, not your parent’s kids. Take care of them yourself” forgets that we are a generation who grew up being with/babysat by our grandparents ALL the time. So this generation of grandparents saying they’re dying for their own time after being parents themselves makes no sense because they had so much more help than this generation of parents. I know that’s not 100% everyone’s experience. But my mom did that. She was so “busy” and couldn’t find the time to babysit twice a month so I could work. Twice a month. Considering we were with our grandma- her mom- so SHE could work all through the 80’s and 90’s. My grandma even moved in for the first 2 weeks after my mom would have a baby. To help with the other kids so my mom could focus on the new baby. Why not give a fraction of the help you had when you were raising kids?? It’s one thing to burden your parents with your kids so you can go party or act a fool. It’s another to ask your mom to babysit infrequently so you can work and she’s “busy” It’s hurtful.

[@elizabethschweigl2889]

Preach sister. Took the words right out of my mouth and now don’t have to rage comment on this exact point.

[@tmi4507]

Damn this comment right here about sums it up haha. I spent entire summers at my grandmas as a kid and hearing this it’s absolutely insane reading the amount of gen x people who tell their own children’s generation to raise their own kids. My parents generations is mighty weird when I read through these comments on this video. Pretty hard to read through when their own parents generation helped raise their kids, but they don’t want to help raise their own grandkids. Of course it’s funny because it’s still a generation that wants their kids to have kids but now reading the comments and seeing they don’t want to participate is laughable. Lucky for me I don’t have kids at 33 years old so screw it all anyways haha.

[@lydiadeere5668]

And the crazy thing is, most of us parents arent askimg for help raising them, just would like a few hours here ans there to get stuff done or have a break. Like....whats so wrong with that.

[@LKT1215]

@@lydiadeere5668 right. I don’t want anyone else raising my kids. That’s not what I expect. A few years back I told my mom in tears on the phone that I was struggling in my marriage. My husband and I were distant and in a funk and it made me so sad. She was like “well, hang in there.” Cool. But let’s rewind 30 years and remind ourselves that her mother (my grandmother and my daughter’s namesake) would literally watch us ALL THE TIME. I told a friend the same thing a few days later and she was like “girl bring me your kids and go to dinner with your husband. That’s important.” My friend helped me in my time of need. I’ll never forget that.

[@blakeharrison3972]

I love that she answered her own question at the beginning!

[@theodorabruin4601]

Think and ask directly before you do things. Your parents might want to enjoy their life...even travel. What if they got sick and couldn't help. Not your parent's responsibility. How about his folks? Tough growing up, huh?

[@archaicamusement3871]

​@@theodorabruin4601 her parents are helping her brother who is struggling. And she wants them to help her too? 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@nicoludwig6949]

I had a friend like this..she sounded soo similar.. when we met one time and were talking, she also had a long intro about how "nobody wants to take care of your kids when you are a mom". I was surprised and asked her who she meant and if she discussed it with them beforehand. So basically , all the friends who could possibly help lived too far away (me included, 2 h train drive). And her parents which live in the same house even stated that they don't want to be involved much. I tried talking to her about it, but she couldnt distance her expectations from reality and facts.. she also stated that she thought that they would Change their mind eventually ..🙈 she couldnt understand that her kids are not everyones responsibilty (especially friends living farbaway or having their own kids)..

[@pyao]

It’s important to note that it’s very very common to hear “I’d love to do that!” with things but then when the actual responsibility creeps up they change their mind

[@Olivia-zx7fi]

My husband is a fireman and also travels 2 hours. It’s not a big deal. It’s not everyday John lol. They drive to work, stay there for 1-2 days and then drive home and off for a few days. My mom loves next door. I dont expect her to help with the kids, but she’s company when my husband works 24-48 hours. She has actually never babysat my kids or helped me lol. But they’re my kids I could care less

[@esmeseyfried6394]

She wanted free babysitting and mom said no😅

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Expectations-reality= disappointment

[@Anne_Onymous]

Always remember.... Grandparents don't owe you ANYTHING.

[@RedCurlyQ1]

Then they are owed nothing in return, yes?

[@taustin6524]

Years ago, when I was pregnant with my parents first grandchild, my mom bluntly told me that she was not a built in babysitter. She loved her grandchildren and chose to have them often but only at her convenience. Now that I’m in the same position, I fully understand where she was coming from and we’ve taken the same approach. It has worked well for us over the last 10 years. Children are both a blessing and a burden so don’t have them unless you’re willing to shoulder BOTH.

[@JaxLittles]

She really thought she could manipulate others to agree with her. And just because he's a firefighter, doesn't mean hes a good partner or father. If my husband EVER cussed out my parents, I wouldnt stay with him. Because I have standards for the people in my life and one of those standards is respect. The fact that she defended him instead of demanded her husband apologize to her mother for his reaction... shows that she's just as bad. We are the people we choose to associate with.

[@tundeterez]

Her flight-fight-freeze-fawn survival instincts kicked possibly. Her parents may not have taught her what respect looks like. She may have ended up with that kind of husband because she has been conditioned for that to be familiar. She seems like a codependent and has to choose the side of the person that she depends on for survival, sadly.

[@thomasdalton1508]

We don't know the details of that phone call. My suspicion is that he was giving as good as he got.

[@distorbia20]

@@thomasdalton1508Don’t care remain respectful and respect my parents. Let me deal with them myself not you.

[@thomasdalton1508]

@@distorbia20 She called him, so he had to deal with it. Respect works both ways.

[@lilithowl]

I don't understand why Americans get so upset about swearing. It's ridiculous.

[@xavier7666]

When I read the title, I thought “there’s no way it’s just some lady thinking she’s entitled to free babysitting for life”

[@earth2emma]

My parents lived across the country from their parents and had virtually no help from them when it came to child-rearing. They survived and so will this lady

[@tracyann6270]

My brother has the same mind frame that our mother is “required” to help out because she’s grandma. She likes to help but he takes advantage of her and wonders why she blew up at him.