Рет қаралды 501
may 30th 1969
the day you were born
march 2nd 2005
the day i was born
my father was there
you were there
as you needed to
because you are my mother
you taught me how to walk
taught me how to talk
what to talk
and what not to talk
if i spoke a word i was not supposed to say
my father would laugh
youd cover your mouth and chuckle
and say that i was not supposed to say it
as you needed to
because you are my mother
when i got old enough to go to school
you would teach me about the good people
the bad people
how to introduce myself
what to eat and buy
what money is and was
what path to take when it was time to go
id take your hand and drag you inside the school thinking you studied as well
but you didnt
obviously
because you are my mother
as i grew up more
you taught me how to cook
then made me cook rice
cook beans
eggs
you taught me how to make a meal for myself
in case you werent home and if there was nothing to eat
and it was obvious the reason why you wouldnt be at home
you had a job
you had to give the best of yourself to clean the floor
and clear the windows
and even when you got tired
you needed to get back home and do your best here as well
obviously
because you are my mother
as i grew up even more
i saw you grow up as well
not on a good way
i thought it was just a cold
a bad day
then it affected your body
it affected your heart
and you could not stand up for longer
only for a short period of time
you would dismiss it and still try to be the figure you were years ago
you had to keep it at that
because you are my mother
and then it got worse
you went to the hospital
you couldnt do the things you could do years ago
you could only stay in bed
only laying, moving your head and arms
as you took more dosages of medicine
eventually your heart slowly couldn't take it anymore
you needed a new heart transplant
i offered myself, and you dismissed it obviously
because even if i'm your son
you are my mother
you have a more delicate body
my heart is small and fragile
and willpower isn't enough to bring your whole body to life again
eventually you worsened again
and yesterday you had to be intubated
and today
your body gave up
your heart turned off
your brain is permanently sleeping
but your soul is set free
youre not in pain anymore
i couldnt save you
yet it was not my fault or your fault
you're not only my mother
you're a figure i strive to be
you're the objective i want to achieve
you're the path i want to take
you're the vision i dream of my future
so what if it means i'll also die the same way
so what if it means i wont be doing the same things i could do years ago
so what if it means i wont be forever young
i dont care about the date of my death
i dont care how i'll die
i care about what can i teach
i care about what can i do before i cant
life is about doing what you can at your own pace and learning how to let go
living off the past doesnt bring a future
and i know damn well you'd tell me to stop crying
you'd tell me that life is this
you'd mention how i saw your own mother pass away too
and your brother's sister
and i cried too there
but i stopped and i started to cherish their presence
so why cant this happen to you
youd ask me this
and my answer
is that this is why youre my mother
and my follow up
is that i would never ask for a different life
if i had 100 lives
i would spend all these 100 lives alongside you
learning the same exact lessons
because its not only about the lessons
its you
its always been you
so
from the bottom of my small and fragile heart
i will forever shout that i love you, joselita
30/05/1969
11/08/2024
i will take a break from gd
big break or small break