What is the role of shame when one has been victimized?

Dr. Frank Ochberg, PTSD expert explains why victims of crime and other trauma survivors may feel humiliated and embarrassed after being subjected to the cruelty of others.

[@Ephilates2024]

0:40 “I think shame is the feeling that comes when we have been lowered in dominance, when we’ve been pushed away.” This rings true if you consider the injurious effect of an attack, either verbal or physical, to our sense of agency - that is, to our power. There is another layer to this, too, which relates to the assumption (illusion) that we control our environment. An attack disrupts both. After being attacked, one berates oneself, “How could I have let that happen?” or fantasizes retaliating. When one is unable to carry out the retaliation, the result recapitulates the feeling that we have again failed.

[@streamofawareness]

One way to get past shame is to tell your story. This is especially true for bullying and/or abuse survivors. Telling your story puts the shame where it belongs-- on the people who hurt you.

[@oompaloompa9139]

streamofawareness Except when You tell your story to a wrong audience and they judge you due to their own ignorance.

[@PHanomaly]

I've been dealing with this for several years now, and to this day, that is exactly what I feel: I need to tell my story!! -- But yes, to an audience that can validate the horror I experienced, not to mock me or ignore it AGAIN!

[@EeeEee-bm5gx]

​@@oompaloompa9139 🤡

[@EeeEee-bm5gx]

You have to tell someone. For example, I told my therapist; normal therapists have had a basic training on how to respond correctly to traumatized people. So it's really better to talk to a professional. For me telling that one person how I was bullied was very difficult. But it was enough to stop feeling irrational shame. I can now talk freely about it if it's necessary and appropriate. And I am smart enough to judge when it's appropriate and when the person or persons I'm talking to shouldn't be told. I haven't for example told my mother, because, despite all her upstanding qualities, she tends to blame the person who was bullied more than the bully. Perhaps she was bullied herself 🤷🏿‍♂️ Don't listen to morons and clowns. Their opinions should go down the toilet where they belong.

[@DCFunBud]

It can take a lifetime to get over shame. The first step is to recognize you have it.

[@PHanomaly]

I feel more rage than shame, because my experiences involved people who violated me and victimized me, and then when I tried to get help and get justice by holding those people accountable for their actions, instead I was betrayed when those who are supposed to protect, allowed that person to blame me, and then I was treated as if I was the one who caused this, or brought this on to myself. I was considered to be the problem and further stripped of my dignity, unable to escape further degradation. In the end, I was deprived of my honor when the guilty parties claimed to be victims of my actions. Stripped of my dignity for telling the truth to agencies that failed me. The world cannot be trusted to recognize innocence fro deceit.

[@RC-qk9hv]

I’m so sorry you have dealt with so much pain and betrayal. My heart goes out to you. The world is such a broken place.

[@scottwhitley2242]

My story exactly!

[@linzyaz920]

You have such a gift and calming understanding way of speaking. Thank you.

[@TheRealestRT]

Yes he does very wise person even from the spiritual aspect! 👍🏾

[@linzyaz920]

@@TheRealestRT ❤

[@MrsErinV]

I think this is the first time I’ve ever felt understood listening to someone talk. I feel so seen

[@shelleysolin6867]

I worked hard dealing with my trauma, long hard work that paid off. Until an unexpected medical procedure made it all come back with a vengeance. I am a mess. The anger gets worse.

[@corinnegodard8358]

Very short and very interesting. Thank you. Thank you for using the word "patient" and not "client".

[@PHanomaly]

Theres adifference between being a victim and playing the victim. I dont like what that term 'playing victim' has done to erase the truth about people who have been traumatized and victimized.

[@morningglory3681]

The only shame I know is that adults are cruel, thoughtless & evil. I don't think I ever felt that except after I got into physical fights and hurt someone physically. I don't know if shame matches the sadness I felt.

[@scottwhitley2242]

Excellent video!!

[@JustineCarissa]

All these videos are what I’m going through and sharing it with family. Thank you.

[@PHanomaly]

Honor yourself, and know the truth.

[@thelazylemon.2827]

I fell like you are narrating my life. I've been diagnosed with PTSD (I'd say complex if it was a recognised term lol) Your videos are helping me to try to understand my condition as right now I feel that no one else does. They all just think I'm crazy and it'll be ok soon. I do really hope so, I don't like the me I am right now.

[@helenwarren5217]

I am in recovery and i have worked the steps to best of my ability but i still have spirals of shame and fear that the steps doesn't seem to solve.I don't have all the freedom that everyone talks about.I ve had a lot of trauma from childhood, rape,rrepeatted physical assaults, and very toxic relationships.Depression and anxiety as well as well under psychlatric care. I a.m a 76 year old,does it ever end?

[@EeeEee-bm5gx]

You have to tell someone. For example, I told my therapist; normal therapists have had a basic training on how to respond correctly to traumatized people. So it's really better to talk to a professional. For me telling that one person how I was bullied was very difficult. But it was enough to stop feeling irrational shame. I can now talk freely about it if it's necessary and appropriate. And I am smart enough to judge when it's appropriate and when the person or persons I'm talking to shouldn't be told. I haven't for example told my mother, because, despite all her upstanding qualities, she tends to blame the person who was bullied more than the bullies and the bystanders. Perhaps she was bullied herself 🤷🏿‍♂️ Don't listen to morons and clowns. Their opinions should go down the toilet where they belong.

[@IndianaRose.]

That title alone brought tears to my eyes

[@seemedecrazymuse]

This was incredible. Especially that part at the end

[@astrocatcity]

This is a tremendously helpful video. Such potent information and understanding in 4 minutes! Thank you.

[@fatheadnumber215]

What does he mean by, "lowered in dominance"? Is that really what human relationships are all about? I really fucking hope not or I think I'll just avoid people from now on.

[@fatheadnumber215]

I see thanks for clarifying. Thank you.

[@charlieanstey9998]

When does recovery begin?

[@cro8sandy]

Whole your life thinking that shy is matter of personality. People would say it's cute

[@jdmarr2259]

❤️

[@palmamingozzi5736]

That’s not me anymore.🌸

[@bretloyd8097]

I feel like I rather hurt them back,band hurt them as hard as I can.

[@PHanomaly]

We feel that but really, redemption is all we need. To be validated for what someone else has done to us, that goes a long way.

[@TaxingIsThieving]

2:45 3:10 3:45

[@yourenough3]

😭 life. Itll get better. It has too.