Cleo, Christian and Complexities of Trans Attraction

[@KatBlaque]

I didn’t notice I said her name wrong this entire video until I was writing the title of this video lol. Sorry ❤️

[@magical-soap5359]

😂 I was like who's Chloe? 😅

[@j.c.9784]

Cloe

[@mystic22g4]

The men you described " have perceived ideas as who transgender women are" are the men who perceive transgender as male.If a transgender woman still has their penis there is only 2 ways to engage in sex and that's oral or anus and that is straight up gay. Those men are not straight they are at least bisexual, and I am not saying this to be offense. You stated that most men view "transgender women as dirty and promiscuous" I disagree with you they view transgender women as being male which is the underlying actual issue. I believe you know this at your core this is their issue with transgender women. You also, said that "a straight man can date you like everyone else" that's not entirely accurate because a straight male dating a biological woman would feel comfortable introducing her to his family but would not feel comfortable introducing a transgender woman to his family. Also, a straight man may question his own gender identity if he feels attracted to a transgender woman but he doesn't question his gender identity when it comes to an attraction to a biological woman. Bottom line there is a difference when a straight man dates a transgender woman as oppose to a biological woman.

[@tristancarter4324]

Wow your introduction about you normally interacting with straight males contrast the drama spilled sour milk Euphoria portrays with Nate and Jules as he attracted to her from reason, he homophobic and she's Trans so hearing this from you help me solidify thoughts Euphoria couldn't be farther from real Trans interactions yet many people are going to take the Euphoria example as gospel sadly

[@melissaroe3376]

Ur hair is fire

[@isthiscereallife]

The absolute ableism in the dichotomy between "I'm autistic and I'm getting overwhelmed" versus "upset TRANS WOMAN is JEALOUS OF HER DATE!!!" is maddening

[@CoreenMontagna]

And I feel like TLC or the producers or whatever are purposely doing this (sending the autistic woman into a crowded bar for the first meeting, booking a non-wheelchair accessible hotel) just for the drama it creates

[@isthiscereallife]

@@CoreenMontagna I would really not be surprised.

[@seese9456]

​​​@@CoreenMontagnaTLC loves stoking "controversy" and drama because it gets them profitable views and engagement.

[@otakuofmine]

allists often like to insert subtext when there isnt one. i have so often that so many are literally obsessed by reading things into situations and plain speech. and/or thinking we are rude, when we were just literal, overwhelmed etc etc. and that is frustrating and exhausting on top of things. i would be pssed too there

[@devonmunn5728]

​@@seese9456not just TLC any reality TV producer will do stuff like this. A recent example with The Ultimatum (Spoilers for anyone who wants to watch The Ultimatum) One of the participants in Season 2, Tiff, was abused by their ex Mildred who they came on the show with and Tiff told the producers beforehand and even showed the crew police reports yet they stilled allowed Tiff's abuser to come to the finale reunion where she (Mildred) full on admits to it. That right there just shows that the crew did that on purpose to stir up drama

[@parkerisles7256]

I kinda dislike how Christian is being presented as “extroverted” when he’s being really rude on his date. It’s one thing to be friendly, but completely forcing an interaction with a group of strangers instead of focusing on a person you’re with is a different level of inconsideration. This is my biggest pet peeve regarding my parents, whom will literally turn around while we’re eating together, mid conversation, to strike up a chat with someone sitting near us. Or when we’re running errands and they decide to turn a 30 second interaction with a worker into 10+ minutes. Quit wasting other people’s time!

[@ellenmacpherson361]

👏👏👏 that interaction was just straight-up 🚩behavior from Christian. It was unacceptably rude!

[@LizNeptune]

i don't think he's being "presented" that way. The editors and producers shot it in a way that makes it look really awkward for everyone involved, i think even going to so far as to play kooky music over it. Christian is presenting himself as "oh im just extroverted!"

[@karabartley]

My ex would do this and it drove me MAD. He genuinely was very interested in what anyone else was doing and you'd see the people get frustrated with him very quickly because they realized he's wasting their time, and at the point mine. 😂😂

[@astrea79]

Also when he talked about his incident on the plane on the way to see her 😳 he was cut off from drinking and was chatting up other women on the flight. Bizarre he would do that and even more bizarre he would tell Cleo about it.

[@deej5608]

FACTS

[@faith-on-the-internet]

also the part about autism is so so relatable for me. i’ve had many people be upset that i don’t want to be in places or do activities because of my autism, as if it’s something i should “overcome.” like, no, even if something is a result of my autism it doesn’t mean that it’s not still who i am and my reality!

[@thesovgc]

What does autism even mean? I feel like it's such a wide-encompassing term nowadays.

[@Cryptidlookin]

@@thesovgcresearch it

[@thatboringone7851]

@@thesovgc That's an unrelated question you could throw at Google if it's genuine, rather than at random autistic people who've made a KZbin comment.

[@excalibjorn]

@@thesovgc Just google autism spectrum disorder

[@wooogie672]

@@thesovgc it’s a neurological type/condition/disorder that meet the requirements in the DSM-5. one thing that is common among all autistics is our social difficulties (whether that be not understanding social cues or being nonspeaking/nonverbal). usually also includes sensory issues and fixated (special) interests among other things but is not necessary to be autistic. the autisric youtuber “ponderful” has a good video about the diagnostic criteria and understanding what it means in the practical sense if you’re actually interested

[@s__unchoked]

i watched the episode with my mom… and i think chloe was also creeped out by how he was treating the girls. earlier in the ep he talks about how he tried to buy girls drinks on his flight there, but they rejected them. i think chloe was just over all weirded out by his behavior lol

[@s__unchoked]

cleo***

[@hj5520]

My boyfriend and I were watching him tell that story about his flight and just CRINGING like why would you think that’s a good first date topic? Girls thinking you’re creepy on a flight? He just seems like kind of a weird guy and Cleo seems like a nice, reserved girl.

[@FerretinSocks]

honestly, cleo calling christian out of her league and him just thanking her instead of it giving him pause was kind of a red flag for me. she's literally so gorgeous!

[@sawallthat]

Me too! I was so pissed when I saw that! Especially because he’s NOT out of her league. He’s actually wayyy way below her. She just thinks that because of internalized transphobia 😢

[@insanenoire7154]

@@sawallthatChristian is literally balding. He’s not out of anyone’s league!

[@sawallthat]

@@insanenoire7154 So so balding! And you could tell what an ego boost it gave him to hear that too. Not enough of a boost to stop covering his hair loss with hats though lol

[@devonmunn5728]

I personally don't believe in that "out of their league" I view more of how the person treats their partner

[@sawallthat]

@@devonmunn5728 Even (or maybe especially) by those standards, he’s still not worthy of her

[@kaymitchell6143]

As a trans person who is also autistic I think you did a great job of highlighting the awkwardness of being trans in a relationship with a straight man, however I want to add an additional piece. She could also be struggling to feel accepted by him because we sometimes lack the ability to read social cues well in a new environment and to a degree she’s masking because she’s on TV. In my opinion her need to be accepted by him is exacerbated more so by her feeling that maybe she can’t openly express her needs the way she would without a camera on. The masking thing has you in your head analyzing the smallest shit sometimes because you don’t want to be “weird” and “ruin” it. So when she’s overwhelmed in these times she’s probably too nervous to even speak up because she doesn’t want to ruin her chances. It can really be a mind game being trans and autistic.

[@KatBlaque]

Such a good point

[@user-fl4vn9bm9r]

There’s no such thing as a straight man in a relationship with a trans woman. That would make him bisexual or gay.

[@kaymitchell6143]

@@user-fl4vn9bm9r Yes there is trans women are women and trans men are men. Additionally they aren’t the only groups of trans people to exist.

[@ciarancooper394]

As a trans guy, i cant even imagine primarily pursuing non-queer cishet people. Yall are our barvest soldiers, i swear. I only date other trans men, i just dont have the patience to hand-hold someone through the basics of my identity. I do that all day for work. I cant do it in my own home.

[@bluelilacfawn]

t4t supremacy honestly

[@peenyweeny3834]

so true i cant imagine having to come home at the end of a long day to another cis person T_T

[@astrea79]

This guy in particular is clearly struggling enough with cis hetero women. 😂

[@austin.luther]

I'm a trans guy and my husband is cis. But we were married for years before I came out. I have no idea how I could ever manage dating as an out trans man. You are all far braver than I.

[@poppaelias4175]

@@austin.lutherhey good for you for having a supportive husband though!

[@sophiaisabelle027]

This is a great topic to discuss. We rarely ever hear about trans attraction or just trans people in general. Thanks for shedding some light on this.

[@ellenmacpherson361]

Watching Kat's video makes me interested in watching 90-day fiancé content for the first time ever 🤣. It's unsurprising that TLC is trying to push the narrative that it was Cleo's transness that made the interaction at the bar uncomfortable. But props to her for so clearly articulating her audio processing challenges. While I'm glad TLC is showing a variety of partnerships, including neuro-diversity and differently-abled bodies, I am dubious about TLC's willingness to accurately capture these core issues as Kat so astutely pointed out.

[@Tiny_Koi]

My sister is a cis women and is really tall about 6 feet. She is fine dating men shorter than her but has had issues in the past with the men being insecure about the fact shes tall. I think that so much of certain men's attraction is based off of their insecurity and the judgement of other men.

[@Zectifin]

seriously it is. Its so dumb. I find tall women super attractive. My only complaint about being 5'11" is there aren't a ton of women who are taller than me. Actually kinda jealous of short kings lol.

[@margodphd]

I'm 6ft+ and it's my experience as well. I don't care about height but guys shorter than me (which in heels is vast majority) clearly do. Which is sad as height can't be changed.

[@duckydae]

this is why i can’t take the “women don’t like short men” seriously because they’ve utterly brought it on themselves by infantilising short women and masculinising tall women. women want taller than them, which most men are. i don’t need at guy who’s 6’3” when i’m only 5’4”.

[@OmegaTheSillyWolf]

I don't have a lot in common with Kat xD but... I really like Kats perspective on self image and what she says about men being attracted to her "I wasn't out of their league, they were out of mine." being the most recent thing I'm absolutely applying to my life lol and her body positivity in general is something I just love seeing and I do relate to that. I love your confidence and you have said some things that really stuck with me as a young woman that I've taken and applied to myself in my own life. I'm not trans or black but I still relate to the things you talk about sometimes, it's nice to see a woman older than myself talk about the things she's learned along the way and how she's come to love herself and understand herself and her relationships in a way I haven't yet but helps me identify things I didn't notice until you spoke about it. They aren't and won't be the same experiences but there will be similarities and I think I've honestly learned a few things by watching your videos on just growing up and being a confident person in general. Your perspective makes me think and see things differently. I really like that.. even if I dont agree with you on absolutely everything I do see where you're coming from... so thank you Kat, you rock!

[@KatBlaque]

I said they weren't out of my league, I was out of theirs, but yes.

[@OmegaTheSillyWolf]

@@KatBlaque Ohh, sorry I misheard you lol

[@riveraspen2745]

He talked to those group of woman was to reaffirm his masculinity of sorts. My issue is Chloe like most of us Need to leave after the FIRST RED FLAG. We crave something(everyones desires varies) which keeps us tolerating the B.S. For all that trauma; you'd be better off doing sex work

[@AConnorDN38416]

Yeah I think trans women especially often want so bad to be accepted that we are willing to overlook a lot even when there are things that should send us running for the hills right away. It’s definitely happened to me.

[@not_you_i_dont_even_know_you]

I'm a cis woman over 6ft tall and lemme tell you, your past insecurity about height and femininity is so relatable. I'm now in a place where height doesn't bother me (this is post coming out as bi, having relationships with women helped me undo a lot of stereotypes) but I HATED being tall when I was young. I felt clunky and "masculine" and unlovable. Oof. I'm so glad you've been able to leave that behind!!

[@KelseyDrummer]

I'm also a tall cis woman. I've struggled with my height most of my life, and still struggle with letting the past go. For example, my nickname in elementary was "Godzilla." This still bothers me, and I'm 33. I'm making changes though. I got into steady therapy and I'm working on stopping comparing myself.

[@Natasha19999]

@@KelseyDrummerit’s interesting how height is associated with gender when cis woman can also be tall My brother is 6 ft trans man and he told me his height made it very easy for him to pass as a man which I find backhanded since women can also be tall

[@allym2787]

"I spend too much of my time [explaining things] anyway..." I am sorry you feel this way, and that I am part of the group you keep having to explain things to. But, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for doing it anyway. I have several trans/enby family members, and have become a safe space for some family friends that can't come out as trans/enby to their families yet. You have been one of my primary sources for getting an understanding of what they are going through, what life might be like for them, and biases I didn't know I had that I need to kick. I guarantee that if not for you, I would not have been able to treat these people I love dearly in the way that I want to. So thank you for doing it anyway.

[@LovlyHorror]

I'm aromantic so maybe I shouldn't be commenting here at all because I have no experience with dating. As a disabled person, though, I would definitely say that the vibe I'm getting from what I've seen here is that if these two aren't compatible, it has way more to with him not understanding what her limits and needs are as an autistic person. I encounter people just on a daily basis who don't understand that just because I'm not in a wheelchair, that doesn't mean that I have the same abilities as a fully able-bodied person or that you're allowed to treat me as inferior because there are certain things I can't do. I can only imagine how many other layers being in a romantic relationship adds.

[@keithingram8690]

Yes, being in this wheelchair is some of the worst feelings you could have about dating. I’ve been in a wheelchair 13 years and people look down on you as if you are nothing. They only notice that you are in a wheelchair and that you are very incapable of doing anything normal….. this is one hell of a way to have to go through life

[@blueish4]

the thing with the bar date is they went there after being in a calmer restaurant type place and she says she prefers quieter places, but he still leads her to a loud, noisy bar!

[@dassijes5943]

That wasn't only inconsiderate of her autism but rude in general. Pay attention to your date!

[@sophiepooks2174]

Wouldn't take your first date to a pub anyway not very intimate.

[@fullmetalfangirl12]

As an autistic person i think I recognized what she was going through when her date was talking to other people and it was the feeling of being left out by someone you care about. Being autistic makes it hard to communicate with strangers and when the one person you want to be around (especially when you're already overwhelmed) decides to go talk to other people you don't know it feels like they're leaving you behind. It fucking sucks

[@lalalala7738]

Reminded me of dating a guy with an east asian fetish, while I am half east asian. When we finally met in person, the first thing he says is he can tell I am not full asian, we dated for a few years, but I knew he wasn't a 100% attracted to me. It's sad how we waste time with people we are not compatible with.. sometimes love is not enough

[@indigothecat]

I think I agree that he probably had a harder time dealing with her autism, and not that she's transgender. However, I've always been curious if transgender people are OK with dating cisgender people who admit that they are attracted to them, but they need time to figure out the "having sex" part. From what I've heard trans folks say, there are some that absolutely will NOT "break in" someone new to dating trans people, and others who are totally down for it.

[@noname-1224]

I'm not transgender, but I think that this topic in general is really a "your mileage may vary" thing, and it isn't just about being transg. I know some queer people IRL who have said they would never have sex with someone/be in someone's first same-gender relationship, because they don't want to be an experiment or to become invested, only for someone to admit they are unable to keep it going. I know others who don't really mind either way. So I don't think there is (or should be) one broad, sweeping answer to this besides people pursuing what makes them happy. I also think that the importance of sex in some relationships is also overstated a lot, though maybe that is just because I'm friends with and have dated asexual people. In those cases, my partners were attracted to me, but didn't have the same kind of drive/feelings I did. We figured out other kinds of physical intimacy that were better for both of us. If a trans person is also ace and wants something like that, then the hesitation about having sex might suit them well.

[@miraafloyd]

I think the issue some trans ppl have about dating cis ppl is the “chasers” out there and the fact that they don’t want to be an experiment for cishet folks who’ve never dated a trans person before it slept with one.

[@KD-ou2np]

I think that 1000% percent is determined by your patience for others, and how secure you are in yourself.

[@kill4551]

Every trans person is different. A 20-year-old might be more patient than a 50-year-old in that respect.

[@razmiddle9410]

@@noname-1224 I wonder how they had their first same-gender relationship then? Or is this the kind of thing where there are certain socially unacceptable ages to still be without certain kinds of sexual or romantic experiences, and after that most people will avoid you in a sexual or romantic capacity because it's too late?

[@yesssjake]

I also really struggle with auditory sensory issues so it causes me to avoid many events with people I care about because I know it'll be too much for me. It's taken far too long to help people understand that it's not because I don't want to be there with/for you, but I know that I will have issues that'll cause me to both be a shell of myself and feel unsafe. We need help destigmatizing sensory overload, because it feels devastating to be accused of not being a good partner/friend for not wanting to be in loud public places. Go have your fun and afterward we can have a glass of wine while you tell me all about your fun experiences :)

[@noname-1224]

I feel this! One of the best decisions I ever made was just to start bringing both ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones with me. I use one or both. My friends also understand that if they try inviting me to a concert, there is a heavy caveat, because I struggle with photosensitivity about flashing lights. So yeah, they do "leave me behind" sometimes, and I am happy with it! I hope that you can find friends/a partner who understands this, and can meet you and do things that you want as well.

[@hypnauticasleepsounds9329]

24:50 that girl is kind of trans phobic there. She asked if he wasn’t attracted to a man how would this work. Thats wild

[@lahagemo]

i’m surprised kat didn’t mention it at all. the girl likened being attracted to trans women to being attracted to men. got on my nerves a bit lol

[@alicekravets8584]

I think Kat didn't mention it because it's such run of the mill transphobia that has been responded to so many times, it's almost not worth wasting time on rebutting the same tired stale takes at this point.

[@hquq77q85]

It's not kind It's plain transphobia, she see them both as gay men.

[@azborderlands]

Cleo even mentioned they have a bigger Adam’s Apple. Cleo is very clockable.

[@LeBatteur]

Some people may have an issue with the idea of their partner’s genitals not being as expected for their gender, but I think as a whole, most people’s basic attraction is more about the whole person than the genitalia. So for her to talk about it as if he’s just dating a gay man is hugely ignorant, because, genitals aside, gender and attraction don’t typically work that way. It’s more complex than “a hole or a pole”, that just isn’t the first thing most people immediately notice or think of when they find another person attractive. I’m a man attracted to men, but I don’t find every person with a penis attractive because a.) I have standards and b.) I’m not attracted to penises specifically, I’m attracted to MEN.. Unfortunately, lol. All of that aside- Cleo is a woman. She identifies as a woman, she looks like a woman (stereotypically, anyway), she sounds like a woman, and she moves through the world as a woman. There just isn’t a very meaningful difference between her and any other woman, especially not enough to insinuate that a straight man who is attracted to her would be gay. That’s just insulting, and if I were in Christian’s shoes, I would have pushed back on that.

[@noname-1224]

I would love to see you do a longer reaction to more of their story! I would love to see what happens with Cleo and how things go. I am with you, I think the autism seems to be far more of a problem in their relationship than her being trans. As a pansexual woman my crushes on trans people (binary and not) have never really been an issue for me, but it is always interesting to see the other side of the coin for how people feel and approach attraction to something they deem unconventional. As someone with ADHD who is on the spectrum, I was amazed by how well Cleo could articulate when she was becoming overwhelmed. I went to a concert (old fave band) and even with earplugs and noise cancelling headphones (and seats near the middle/back of the venue), I got so overwhelmed that I basically just tapped my friend's shoulder, said I had to go, and left to go cry for a few minutes. I think many people don't understand just how much your brain shuts down during sensory overloads like this, or that it can cause physical pain. I also appreciated you telling the story about the woman you worked with. Your respect and understanding of boundaries always kind of surprises me a bit, I think myself and many other autistic people don't know too many who are willing to be so accommodating. Keep doing you Kat, and I hope you have a great day/night!💖

[@1BiChristianF]

I have a little boy named Maximus that looks just like Pepper so adorable.... As to the video I almost think him being inconsiderate her autism is more of an issue than her being trans....

[@j.c.9784]

I get that

[@cassiemedina4026]

I really related to the part of the video where you talked about how difficult it is to experience being compatible with someone in every way except the physical attraction part. I'm a cis woman who grew up medically overweight for the majority of my life. I'd often end up befriending people who I was romantically and physically attracted to and who seemed to be romantically attracted to me as well, but couldn't get past my weight. It was really hard constantly thinking "if I were skinny, we'd be dating right now" and/or having those people allude to such. It's such an awful feeling. That said, I really loved this video and still love everything you do - thank you for sharing your POV as always!

[@paintedhappy4523]

I feel almost addicted to the way you talk about these things, it's so authentic and confident while at the same time so incredibly human and relatable. I often cringe at how poorly and carelessly people speak about sexuality and relationships so it's really cathartic the way you navigate these topics so maturely. I wish every ignorant person I've met could watch your videos (and actually take them in, which I guess... is too much to ask for). Thanks for sharing your wisdom and emotional intelligence!

[@SatansRoerhat]

This melts my heart as an autistic person ❤ and really appreciate the way you speak about this 🌈

[@EbirdOnline]

Yes! Watch and review their whole story! I can't wait to hear your take on this.

[@poochy]

Nah this is gross. Christian and his friends are giving me serious covert transphobic vibes. Like, plausibly they could be trying. But idk, with how disrespectful he is towards her it’s like, what’s really going on?

[@karabartley]

Hard agree. Like if he's okay with dating somebody for the person, not the genitals, and his friends aren't okay with that - he needs new friends. You know how hard it is to connect with somebody?? I'd marry an alien with no genitalia at all if it asked how my day was and didn't get upset with me when I get overly emotional/overstimulated. And if my friends aren't okay with it 👋 That infuriated me to no end, people don't comprehend that they aren't there to hold you at night and if you have somebody who does and you feel the same - that's beautiful, piss off

[@juls_krsslr7908]

I have always found the height thing weird because my mom is taller than my dad. As a kid, I assumed it was typical for women to be taller than men. And I read a lot of fashion magazines that showed models who were 5'10" to 6' tall. It seemed to me like "tall" was a desirable quality for women. As an adult, I figured out that, like "intelligent," the desirable kind of "tall" for women is really "tall, but not taller than men." I get overwhelmed in loud, crowded places, too. Other people think I'm not having a good time, or I'm angry, because I'm quiet, but it's not really that. It's just hard for me to hear and focus. If I try to talk, I'm always asking, "What did you say? What's going on? What are we doing? What are we talking about?" Most people don't want to take the time to explain it to me, so I just try to wait it out. Usually, big groups will break up and a smaller group will go to a less overwhelming environment where I can function better. Pepper is so cute! I love it when she makes an appearance.

[@onedirectioninfection5756]

omg i've been warching this season religiously as always and the preview of her crying over him made me SO UPSET. cant wait to hear your take on this notes: -first of all cleo is literally a model -cleo said she wasn't going to kiss him first and he would have to initiate the kiss, which he did and i thought the scene was soo cute -their first date started out really nice, at a quieter restaurant/bar that was really pleasant. he convinced her to go to an actual bar after and she thought she could try it to make it happy. just wanna clarify since they didn't go straight there like the clip would make it seem -oh PLEASE watch the whole season. last week's episode ended with a teaser of the next episode and cleo is crying about christian and saying she was stupid for falling for him. i reaaally wonder what happened to make her so upset, it really breaks my heart

[@jaymercer4692]

I see some trans people in the comments saying they'd never feel that comfortable dating a non-trans/non-queer person but personally as an autistics trans woman I'd struggle so much more with someone who isn't also neurodivergent in some capacity.

[@docmnc8010]

Enjoying the media focused videos. I don't personally watch a lot of shows so insightful takes on bits of whats going around are really nice.

[@yeetyeet1655]

Tbh, even if she was jealous, I think that would be fine. This is a DATE. Talking to others girls INSTEAD IF YOUR DATE is weird behaviour

[@beckyginger3432]

I'm not unique and special because I'm trans! I'm unique and special because I'm a leo!

[@sherrita80548]

Lol my bestie is a Leo his bday was last Sun I am a cancer and three weeks older than him every time it's his bday I say herr come these damn Leos ughh lol 😂😂😂

[@SH-py7qj]

Yes please watch the entire season! I’m loving your insights.

[@adadez]

Thank you for your video! I had my first experiences with cishet men recently, after back and forth T4T relationships, and I'm still trying to process it, so this was very helpful. It was bad in many ways, but not as bad as I thought? It's definitely a thin line between "I was rejected for being trans" and "I was rejected for something else". I noticed a lot of issues, like fetishization, can happen in any kind of relationship, whether T4T or not. I'm more attracted to masculinities and many patterns - being emotionally unavailable, cheating etc. - are tbh widespread, even if in different layers. Even so, the whole experience made me realize I'm still more inclined to queer-oriented relationships and people, at the end of the day.

[@Callieforniiaa]

I know you don’t like doing trans content all the time anymore because you’ve been doing the work for years and years now. But I love when you do it. As a trans woman I love to talk and hear about issues and what’s going on and your thoughts yourself as a trans woman. Please keep doing them atleast here and there. You’re the best at it. But I have a few comments. Trans women need to understand that Cis women have the same issues as us trans women do with men sometimes, they also have their own unique issues like getting pregnant and what not and the dude flaking out and making her a single parent. There’s two sides of the coin. Also in my case more times then not, men are attracted to my penis, just going to be blunt. Yes would they care if I got the surgery no, but then again I won’t ever get it because I’m fine having my penis. But tbh most men seem to like it, just wouldn’t ever let anyone know about it. Because my thing is…. Why would they go for a trans woman then… most trans women are pre op. So put two and two together. They just don’t want people calling them gay or homosexuals. Which it’s not. They just like chicks with dicks and that’s okay! Lol

[@Karamazov9]

I am a gay man who dates trans men sometimes and my experience is that mostly they want that part of them ignored in a sexual context and my trans woman friends have said similar, they’re pre-op or non op but what they want is a man who wants them in spite of their d!ck not because of it.

[@Callieforniiaa]

@@Karamazov9I mean I’m fine with having mine, I’m even now fine topping men, because believe me. Allot of men ask me to, they “wanna try and see what it feels like” now not every guy asks but it’s becoming more of a thing imo. So now tbh I’m pretty much a top trans woman. I use to not like topping due to it making me “feel manly” but I got over that and actually prefer it now. Now I don’t have to walk around with a sore ass lol

[@bad.bishoujo]

​@@Callieforniiaa yessss i'm stanning over here!! ❤ so good to see a queen (and all identities) comfortable and confident with herself/themself!! penises are amazing and i'm so glad you love yours! ...which is a weird thing to say i guess but fuck it, safe space? 😂 i'm a nonbinary person assigned female at birth, am dating a straight cis man, and he's notttt the first of his kind to be interested in pegging~ it's 2023! people like what they like! so happy you've been able to find partners just as confident in themselves as you 🤗 (well a bit less, if they're not quite at the "my gf has a dick and i'm not just unbothered, i'm attracted" stage with their friends yet) stay safe, please keep sharing your experiences as you feel comfortable, and thrive bitch!! ❤❤❤ ps if bitch offends, i meant beauty in total control of herself~

[@jp9707]

​@@Karamazov9it's massively going to vary by trans person to be honest (speaking as a trans person). I think something to keep in mind is that just because one trans person, or even a handful of trans people, have told you they see things a certain way, that doesn't mean we all do! I know you're not necessarily trying to imply that. It's doubly complicated because it can be difficult for us to figure out how we feel about our genitalia, what with dysphoria, and societal ideas about genitalia being automatically gendered (it isn't). Some (pre-op) people hate what they have, others grudgingly accept it, others embrace it! There's a narrative sometimes that trans folks all have dysphoria about their genitalia, but not all do. There are many ways to be trans. Really the only thing we all have in common is identifying as a gender different to the one we were assigned at birth!

[@j.c.9784]

Gay girls don't

[@rawkhawk414]

Yes please! Do come back and talk more about these. They're just really simple fun and an easy excuse to listen to you relate to us about your experiences in the eloquent way that you do. After seeing this video was posted a year ago I tried to see if you did end up uploading more. But it's not enough lol. I've been following for a long time and I wasn't subscribed, I don't usually comment much either. So I just would like to add: thank you for your perspectives and content. Hope you are well xo.

[@michaelthompson7217]

christian is an inconsiderate creep, but cleo is also navigating this whole thing as if it’s a mine field and i think she’s constantly searching for issues to latch insecurity onto. i don’t think it’s all just her autism.

[@user-elliseuji]

had no clue you were 5’10, you really give 5’4 energy hahaha

[@leebird9023]

Thank you for understanding that too much noise (volume and/or complexity) is physically painful for autistic people. I hate when people act like I'm being a diva for having sensory sensitivities. I don't want to have them either! If I could tolerate that level of audio input, I would.

[@leebird9023]

re: sexual attraction, I've had sex with cis men, cis women, trans men, trans women, non-binary people, intersex people...and at the end of the day, all genitals develop from the same Wolffian ducts. E-dominant people are a little sweeter and softer down there. T-dominant people are a little muskier down there. But each individual is unique, and each person likes to be touched differently (or not touched there at all). The imagined chasm between penis and vagina is, in reality, a gap so small you can step right over it. Sexual attraction has a lot more to do with what you can see when someone is fully or partially clothed.

[@MonsterEnjoyer69]

I'm on the autism spectrum and have her same issues with social situations and I really hate that they tried to frame her being overwhelmed as her being jealous. I think it was also crappy of Christian to go talk to other women while on a date. He not a good match for Cleo and tbh I don't really think he's a good guy in general.

[@MsBlackDiamond88]

I think people assume trans women’s partners are queer because they automatically think of genitalia. Which is the same argument they have for trans children and transitions. To be frank the hetero’s are infatuated with genitalia and don’t really move beyond it to the more nuanced conversation alot of times. So the assumption is that a straight man can’t desire a pre operative trans woman without being queer. Or any trans woman for that matter because it goes against their narrow idea of what womanhood or even heterosexuality is.

[@juniperfox1064]

As a bi woman who is detrans, I appreciate the level of nuance you talk about trans dating with! More people need to understand the nuances of attraction and compatibility especially as someone in the gay community.

[@ameliaaguirre2291]

As a trans autistic teen, this made me really happy; how the episode and how you discussed how both being trans and how being autistic can complicate a relationship. I have found that there does tend to be a huge gap in understanding from others when it comes to autism, even if they genuinely accept it or are working towards understanding or accepting it. The way TLC framed Cleo’s overstimulation in the bar as jealousy is very unfortunate, but I am very very happy they didn’t cut out the parts where she talked about her overstimulation and auditory processing issues. You (Kat) seem to be very genuine in your attempts to understand autistic people, and you understand more than so much of the people I know; I applaud you for that. Continue to talk with autistic people, especially about the problems they face in specific situations, and I urge you to ask them what *you* can do to make situations less uncomfortable or literally painful for them. (Also, yes; you were very right in saying that the autistic person you know appeared to be in actual pain from popping balloons. Everyone is different, but for me personally, sometimes voices sound like really sharp, thick d@ggers in my ear; it’s a very similar sensation to genuine pain.)

[@Speilbilde]

I'd love to see your reaction to the full season! Also, Pepper is so cute ✨

[@DWNicolo]

I would like to see your take on this when it’s completed. One thing I’m seeing is that people on these shows tend to be thrown into the deep end of the pool with no preparation. My take is her autism will be the deal breaker for their relationship.

[@Wremson]

Im a trans man and have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. Hes a bisexual cis guy and i personally identify as gay (with some sway) and i can say one of the BIGGEST insecurities when we were first dating was whether or not he actually saw me as a man or not. I experience almost the opposite of what Kat describes. Im incredibly short and traditionally "feminine" in some ways. Im eternally grateful with how supportive he really is of me and my identity with me wanting to be a more feminine transman.

[@noelshiri9319]

PLEASE MORE PEPPER CONTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! she looks JUST like my chi/cattle dog mix 😭

[@RamenKitsune]

I love Pepper. So shy and doesn't wish to be perceived. Such a sweetie.

[@loconius]

You absolutely should watch it and get back with us!! I’m loving this!

[@RECEPTIONS]

This really clicked with me. I guess I always say I prefer dating people who are bi/pan like me (despite me always ending up super attracted to cishet men) because I’m severely insecure in my transition to the point where I have to bend into that queer perception of trans relationships. Never thought of it that way before.

[@wren.no.1]

ur so valid & i hope you feel more comfortable & confident in your transition, friend!

[@RECEPTIONS]

@@wren.no.1 thank you

[@PeachFlavoredKaiju]

Your content and voice is very calming

[@janelbbuck]

I was watching the show with friends for our weekly trash tv day. When Christian brought Chloe to this loud, flashy, lights all over the place bar/pub we all said “wow this dude brought someone who gets overstimulated to the worst place possible.” It was such a bad choice that we wondered if the 90 day production team was behind it. 😅

[@faith-on-the-internet]

i love hearing about your life experiences. you feel like a big sister lol

[@meganvincent5381]

"There's a transgender woman on the show" Oh boy this is gonna be a mess...

[@TheCyberQuaker]

It would be great to watch the entire season as there is a lot of context missing from these clips. They had a good discussion after the date and Christian seemed receptive to how Cleo was saying she was overwhelmed. I am looking forward to seeing how it develops. But also, this season has a really lovely couple with a man who is deaf and a woman from the Philippines.

[@kittyCaona787]

So honest and refreshing to hear you literally say the words I've struggled to say for the longest time. Alot of dudes will take advantage of transwomen who pass and are beautiful currently bc some of us still have flashbacks to when the public wasn't accepting or when we weren't "passable" enough and lived in fear. Its a predator thing you have to stay away from. There are Men that know exactly what you are and then pretend not to just to get you feeling low self esteem and end up giving them want they want sexually in exchange for not being harmed. Its a really cruel world out here alot of Men are sick stay informed and don't trust anybody but yourself ladies 💯

[@ahabsrevenge]

It’s really nice to hear your perspective and experience. A lot of what I’ve learnt about trans women has been focused on trans rights. This is obviously super important but I realised listening to this I’ve not really heard much about their experiences in relationships. Thank you for sharing.

[@Primeyzee]

I don’t have autism but I have adhd related audio processing issues and live in a non English-speaking country which can make concentrating on conversation really difficult, especially in loud places or if there are multilingual interactions going on. Must be super tough for Cleo and it doesn’t bode well that Christian took her to a place like that so early on in their relationship

[@rickfromhell]

Oh my goodness Pepper 🥺😭❤ Edit: I thought Pepper was the only thing I would need to comment on, but I wanted to appreciate Kat mentioning that some left leaning men struggle to be real with themselves about trans attraction. I consider myself to be left leaning, gay, and I'm attracted to & fully open to dating trans guys. I have struggled a bit to be real with myself & to unlearn some transphobia that I was not even aware was informing the way I approached people. Attraction to trans people, unfortunately, is not something a person often feels they can freely talk about. It's already hard to confront your own ignorance, but people also can have a tendency to respond to ignorance the same way as hate. Through my own personal figure outing, I've needed people to share their knowledge with me, and have basically told to unalive myself when I've reached out in the past. I don't want to feel like I'm not an accepting person, let alone people essentially perceiving me as a predator & telling me I don't deserve to be alive.

[@SchompTop]

Im was joining the navy and they put tht spin off of the 90 day fiancé in meps and when I tell u everyone was just so invested 😭

[@cassandrar5127]

I'm also autistic and get overwhelmed by overlapping audio. I definitely prefer places that are less overstimulating. It's interesting seeing not only another autistic person on that show, but also a trans woman. I am also both.

[@Jacobenz]

Really appreciate you being so open and honest about your experiences and life. I have questions, but never ask because I think it'd be rude or uncomfortable.

[@ouijacorn]

I've never been diagnosed with autism but I am definitely sensitive to noise. Just yesterday I was out with a friend and we went into a bar for a drink and to use their bathroom and their tvs were turned up really loud. My friend could see that I was getting overwhelmed by the noise and suggested that we leave! What a concept!

[@BlackXSunlight]

23:25 I think there's a greater conversation to be had about how genuine concerns, boundaries, or just plain old vibe check fails can be dismissed by accusing someone of being insecure.

[@RavenXWritingdesk]

I have a physical disability and my partner is a trans woman, and I have to say, my disability makes things tougher than her being trans. You're so right about compatibility with disability vs trans. for me it's a non issue , but she is the one to use patience and compassion with me every single day. So 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@Zectifin]

cishet guy here just gonna give my opinion, but I don't even think its that it was a group of women. if you're on a romantic date, probably don't try to involve a group of strangers in it? If I was on a date with my gf and we ran into a group of guys who were talking about warhammer and I started talking to them a bunch and wanted us to just hang out with this group of guys and chat games, my gf would be rightly annoyed as this was supposed to be a date for us to have some quality time and reconnect after the week, not for me to take it over with my special interest hobby. She doesn't even hate my hobbies she loves the assembling and painting of miniatures and whatnot. It's just not appropriate to try to hang out with a group of randos on your romantic date. Now if we were just doing a random thing and we met some cool people fine. I just think theres certain etiquette to a date and that involves keeping your date as the focus. It's not jealousy, its respect.

[@katet8639]

This! It's so rude to be involving others when you're on a date...

[@vrpansy]

i really feel the being uncomfortable in a loud situation thing, my college would sometimes have events with loud music playing and when i tried to go to them i'd open the door and be hit by a wall of sound and usually i'd flinch backwards lke i'd literally been hit. it really does feel like a physical thing sometimes i wish more people would be considerate of that

[@juul-fuul]

omg ag the beginning threw me off because i have a cat named pepaper! i also call him pepperoncini too lmao i love your pepper tho she's so cute

[@yoursocialmoth]

As a pan, I'm happy to be with a fellow pan. We've been together since we were 20 and we're now in our 30s and we accept all the queer aspects of ourselves and we don't care what a person has between their thighs, we like what we like.

[@LiLzZluvinJ]

Hi Kat! Thank you for this video. As an avid 90 Day watcher, I really appreciate your insight on your own story and the experiences us viewers are seeing between these two individuals. There are more times where Christian just does not seem like a great partner for Cleo. I think you should definitely give your thoughts on the full season for these two. I also wanted to introduce the idea of 90 Day Fiancé UK. There's a couple on there: Shane and Mert, where Shane is an AMAB non-binary person living in the UK and Mert is a bisexual man living in Turkey. At first, I resonated with Mert's journey of finding love as a bisexual person myself. But as things have gone, I think they relationship is an interesting dynamic, too. It's interesting seeing the 90 Day franchise branching out of just heteronormative pairings.

[@tirzah9929]

Súper down to watch more from you on this season

[@seanwatson3334]

It seems like everyone gives her slack for being awkward, but no slack for him. He's obviously a bit of a weird guy.

[@wow7254]

Lol when she said she was overwhelmed it was bc she was stuck there waiting for him. That’s a crappy situation for anyone to be in, i think most people would react that way on their first date. They’re making her autism and grandness/transness into an issue bc that’s how they see both. My whole life I’ve heard cis people say that trans folks like me have “gender issues” when they’re the ones with a problem

[@dobugswalkbackwards5392]

I‘m here for a full review!!:)

[@Christine-lt9ok]

I really really appreciate hearing your perspective on this and your experiences. I learned a lot

[@turboqueer666]

I love this discussion. Also the comments were not as bad as expected.

[@monicacook6304]

I mean I could have sworn the last season of 90 days the other way featured a TRANSGENDER MAN and the controversy was NOT so focused on or around him at all. It’s ALWAYS some OBSESSION with regards to transgender WOMEN and it’s becoming quite redundant and tiring!

[@IvoirePunk]

Yeah I remember a lot of Gabe's (transman) story being about his being trans and how his Fiancée's family would react but there was nothing controversial about it. It was just his storyline. It's very much transmisogyny going on here.

[@ciarancooper394]

With trans men, they try to scrub out the transness and make it into just a quirk instead of a very real social consideration. For trans women they make it the only aspect of her personhood that matters. It's horrible.

[@labaebae]

Wow, I watched another video of yours and I had no idea you were trans. Very unclockable and goals 💕

[@JustJRR]

Love how thorough you are, Kat. ❤

[@markey4519]

I know this video is months old but anyone react to the video of Christian telling a Cleo not to tell anyone about them having “relations”?

[@crowplease]

pepperoncini is the cutest! 🖤

[@Hyperfofistic]

As a autistic trans guy I definitely have some EXPERIENCES with allistic ppl. Even in non-romantic relationships I tend to gravitate towards neurodivergent folks. The thing is that, even if cis, most autistic ppl I met tend to be more open to prioritizing my comfort by asking me directly stuff in ways I understand. They listen to me if I say I'm overestimated or if I express dysphoria related discomfort. With a lot of allistics I find myself needing to explain my entire medical and personal life to just make them take seriously my sensory triggers. And it's interesting bc for a long time I considered myself t4t due to past trauma with cis men; but now that I'm dating my cis autistic partners, I don't have those same problems. I'm still figuring this out, but I from my experience, I see a lot of autistic folks gravitating indirectly around other autistic folks. I would even say I developed a "autistic-dar" (/lh) for my relationships. it's weird lmao

[@eronibale2942]

Yes do a full review please. I much prefer to watch your review than the actual show ❤❤❤

[@wermluvr]

honestly i think a HUGE indicator of where this is heading is just the fact that all of christian’s friends are reacting so poorly to the concept of him dating a trans woman. it’s very clear these people have never properly considered the existence of trans people, much less had significant interaction with one. and if you’re friends with people who think like that, why would a trans person decide to stay with you anyway? maybe this is just me, but even if a guy isn’t personally transphobic, i don’t think it’s much better if all his friends are and he can’t even defend me.

[@sapphirerose24]

I really want to see you react to the whole tv show

[@TonPlatFavori]

Yes please, I'm all for you watching the whole season!

[@javawatson]

Great content Kat❤

[@beatolan7935]

Another banger Kat. Also.... plz drop the lipstick name and brand !!! It's so gorgeous!

[@hanzycake]

the spin at the beginning is giving me LIFE 😍

[@poppyappletree1400]

I'm game for a full dive into this topic 👌

[@katet8639]

A lot of the complexities of their relationship is also that Christian doesn't seem to have any idea how it is to be autistic. If she wasn't a transwoman, there still would've been an issue because he doesn't seem to show her the right support when she is uncomfortable or overwhelmed. And he is kind of rude too, you're on a date, why is he talking to other people and basically ignoring Cleo? That can be very upsetting, and it can make you even more insecure. I understand how Cleo feels as an autistic woman.

[@stuff1784]

I think Christian is attracted to Cleo since they did have sex, buuut he is ashamed of what his family thinks. He is repressing his attraction to her and treating her like a secret. This is so damaging to her!!! He led her on by making her think he wanted to pursue a relationship with her. Not fair.

[@clavchannel]

the second type of man who doesnt understand "why you wont do this thing for him that he really wants" you can say pegging!!!!!!! (i'm joking ik you can't say pegging on the video)

[@ilovetriangles704]

Yay new video! 🎉

[@KatBlaque]

First comment 🍪

[@p0etrygh0st]

i will say as a friend to disabled people most non disabled people are not used to having to make accommodation or consider pr research if a venue is accessible. I dont always recall that this is something to think about or what to think about and I've had disabled friends for 20 years

[@alaina24b51]

i also think when you’re on a date with someone and you’re meant to really try to get to know them and build your connection one on one, it’s kind of disrespectful to spend a lot of energy talking to other people and blow off your date. (i’ve been in that situation and it doesn’t feel good lol)

[@heyheyheyLIC]

Please give this season a watch!