watch this if you struggle with being too nice

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[@biancagonz-o]

That fine line between being a genuinely kind soul and people pleasing

[@lelainerduh]

Is it?

[@flora12181]

The fine line is setting boundaries

[@wizdum4957]

@@flora12181 yeah! Like over extending yourself. That comes from knowing your limits and emotional regulation. It takes time to learn it 😋

[@mykaylaimani4827]

so true! but you can be a genuine soul & a people pleaser at the same time.

[@QueenofSwords555]

@@lelainerduh hvo

[@itskylanotkayla]

IT NEEDED TO BE SAID!!! Being a successful, young, Black, and conventionally pretty woman makes people say the wildest sh*t to you. It's ridiculous...

[@dj_here]

So true

[@TheUntitledSimmer]

💯💯💯💯

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

and that’s the fact of the matter lol

[@EmaniMone]

It really does! Lol hey kyla

[@itskylanotkayla]

@@EmaniMone hey girl heyyyy 🤗😂❤️

[@annastayziaa]

25:22 "you can't be a good girl forever and get through this world unscathed because people are going to use you, abuse you, chew you up, and spit you out. you have to act like them sometimes to get what you want. " so true. this has been my experience too even after I became much more successful. people can be so entitled and abusive if you don't protect yourself.

[@tricia007100]

When you don't learn this young, life gets very messy! I never learned and just could not see it so many times

[@Austin6403]

You can be "Good" without making yourself a target. Its a skill for sure, to know when you are being nice and when someone has intentions.

[@annastayziaa]

@@Austin6403 in the world we live in, when we don't do what we're "supposed" to do, we are not labeled as "good." so let's not pay too much attention to the semantics and the labels of "good" or not because the reality is that what you (Austin), Kelly, and I are saying is exactly the same thing. :) at the heart of it, we're all agreeing and saying the same thing regardless of the semantics. ultimately, we agree it's our responsibility to protect ourselves from abuse because people will treat us the way we allow them to.

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

I agree so much you have to act like them sometimes.

[@glow1815]

Couldn't agreed more. I have too let people know who I am now. Before they start abusing my kindness. I have to learned to defend myself which was something I actually just let go for many years. Until I got tried of people being mean, rude and very condescending (work place) it works. They don't pay my bills.

[@LetThereBeLight1111]

I can already smell blood in the water regarding this video. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad about speaking your truth Kelly. EVERYBODY at some point in life has been made to feel “less than” because you possess something another person is lacking. This does NOT have to be money, it could literally be anything; education, beauty, confidence, friends, great taste, good energy etc etc

[@KellyStamps]

I love when I make them mad lol. The people are just revealing themselves to us

[@LetThereBeLight1111]

@@KellyStampsLOL facts, that’s a great way of looking at it😂😂

[@KellyStamps]

And I don’t think anybody is better than another person for having a bigger house or more money or status. I strongly believe that some people are energetically in a low point. If you have to be nasty to other people and spread all that evil energy yes you are beneath other people.

[@badpoetry33]

@@KellyStamps they are in low vibration for sure. the Q is how to remain high vibe yourself in the face of that. (David Hawkins Levels of Consciousness) it has been hard for me as a more sensitive person who could understand what they were feeling and where they were coming from. insecurity is a painful hellish place for humans to be. but you are really true to yourself and forging your own path, Stampede. if you weren’t, and were just staying in your lane, people wouldn’t be getting triggered by your awesomeness.

[@Christinadistefano]

Honestly it’s going to sound really simple but once you love yourself and feel worthy of being treated well/kindly-because you treat yourself that way, things start to become clear. You honor that relationship with yourself (meaning realizing it’s not selfish to honor your feelings first). Mia I feel you. I’m an HSP and it was a hard lesson for me-I’m always learning how to navigate this. I think some of us are brought up believing this is wrong because we were told this by a parent or someone of influence, specifically so we could cater to their feelings over our own comfort. Add in being highly attuned to others feelings and it becomes difficult to identify where their feelings end and yours begin. Then we just grew up feeling like it was our responsibility to put others at ease. It’s not-it never was and it never will be (unless it is literally your paying job to do so). As adults we’re each responsible for ourselves and our happiness. That means no one else is responsible for you just the same (children are the exception of course). Know yourself, understand yourself and find a way to love yourself. There’s so much power in that. You don’t have to take on their energy so they don’t feel bad, while you feel depleted in doing so.

[@auntielu4394]

I had 2 middle aged painters come in to paint, one of them was a whole pervert. As soon as he came in he asked if I live alone if I have a partner, if l ‘like the ladies’ etc. I was trying to be nice but I had to cut him off and keep it to business. In the future, no more conversations. As soon as they step out of line I say “I’m not answering any personal questions, any conversation we have will be business and based on the service that you are here for.” Any talk back after that I’m kicking them out and calling their boss to replace them. I can’t allow you to disrespect me in my own home.

[@KellyStamps]

They are so out of line and they know exactly what they are doing. They do not do that with men probably!! I’m not scared anymore of coming across as an angry black woman. I will always defend myself.

[@Ray-pp5qb]

Amen. good!!!! Cause, they are being whole predators. They would not do that if you were a guy. And, don't be scared to keep a lil sumthin sumthin' close by in case somebody wanna get out of line when you put down a boundary.

[@auntielu4394]

@@KellyStamps Exactly and truth be told when you moved back here to NYC the Auntie in me was giving you the side eye because men stay on clown behavior here. I was like “I know my niece (I adopted you already in my head) did NOT just touch her toe down in NYC on a semi permanent basis!” 😂 I’m glad you are started another chapter in your life. The twenties are for trial and error with no judgment. Live that life and don’t think too hard. ❤️

[@Jasmine-uu2xo]

@@KellyStamps People try bw because they know who they're dealing with. They want us to be afraid of being seen as the angry bw in hopes they allow them to walk all over us

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

“I cannot allow you to disrespect me in my own home” yes! That’s the level of audacity we should have. Why should I feel uncomfortable in my own house?

[@khaily6645]

Be careful at college, people can be so cruel. I was severely mistreated, gossiped about, and isolated for not fitting the mold of how a black girl/BIPOC should act. Don't let anyone dim your light or question your reality, you got this!

[@KellyStamps]

Thankfully I only had positive experiences when I was at college but that’s probably because I lived at home and didn’t participate in any sort of sorority setting. I would never join one LOL. I experienced all of what you said above in middle school and high school and I’m totally traumatized but healing.

[@khaily6645]

@@KellyStamps Yeah, no matter when it happened, it still sucks and the memories are just as painful, thankfully there are platforms and communities like this where we can share our stories and validate one another. Healing is worth the time and energy. Keep creating your content we will be cheering you on!

[@cuteycuteylala]

@@khaily6645 I want to give you a bit of extra validation because the same exact thing happened to me! It's tough, and comes from both sides. White people and your own people. You're not alone, and thank you for this comment to make me feel a little less alone, too! Never change :)

[@khaily6645]

@@cuteycuteylala Aww thank you for your kind words. I would never wish this kind of pain upon anyone. Wishing you happiness in life!

[@bria7885]

This happens in college as well?😭 dam i thought that stuff finished at highschool

[@sofia4586]

For someone to come into your house and ask you “how do you afford this?” is so rude. Shut the door on those types of people. Love the lessons you shared in this video!

[@birdsofparadise1]

yeah its just annoying when they're service people that you need that day and hired LOL. I had a task rabbit ask me my rent when we weren't even chatting etc and job and I was annoyed

[@KellyStamps]

I had to restart my Wi-Fi since I came back here to the place I was renting out and the ATT guy asked me do you mind telling me how much mortgage you pay? I said I do and I laughed. He said well can you give me a ballpark? I said no. Go to Petco Park. He said is it like 4000 a month? I gave him a ridiculous answer and I said 12,000 a month and he got the hint lol. I remember back when I was actually dating people and I took someone back to my place to hang out they would immediately start asking these questions. I don’t want them to know that I can afford all of this 😂

[@nah4205]

a classmate did that to me! i can't explain why i felt offended but all i know is that it was rude as hell. all i know is that's the last time that person enters my home. that person was a nosy one that tattles to their nosy friends.

[@myvids718]

I had a contractor in my place and he asks me - so whose place is this 😐😐😐 sir it’s my place please continue your spackling I hired you to do. Smfh

[@nicokl5593]

I hate that people can so easily look up how much each other’s houses are. Like in other times people would have to go to lengths to find out, but not now.

[@maijennasis]

I can’t help but observe that a lot of what you described is definitely AMPLIFIED when you’re at the intersection of being black and a woman. It’s like peoples insecurities jump out even more because deep down they’re like who does this black woman think she is? knowing she’s a baddie and worth all she desires; how DARE she?? I’m also learning that sometimes you gotta give them a little spice because not everyone deserves you at your sweetest. great video!

[@KellyStamps]

THIS IS EXACTLY IT. I even get extra hate on KZbin for the same reason lol. It's sad but that is life.

[@GlamGoddes101]

Yup! People will try to keep you in your place as a black woman & often won’t expect much of you.. and they think they should or deserve to have more than you

[@ummillyaas459]

One thousand percent!!!!!

[@yourmotherhatesyou641]

Heavy on adding a little spice because being the bigger person is genuinely the worst

[@RaheemD]

The stories you mentioned remind me of Twitter in a nutshell. A woman recently tweeted how she loves waking up in the morning and making coffee for herself and her boyfriend and they have a long conversation before work, and people were so angry/insecure saying, "Well I'd love to be able to sit and talk to my boyfriend before work but I work ridiculously long hours" "Must be nice to be self employed and work when u want", it was full of snide/insecure comments and I think that's what Twitter has turned into. Lord forbid you show something good happening in your life, it's seen as an attack by other people. But I also know of these people in everyday life that like to bash others that are doing 'seemingly' well. It's all in their head, as long as the person is being cordial towards you there's no need for such behaviour.

[@KellyStamps]

I SAW THAT

[@evelinaz1548]

bruh omg twitter is such a toxic wasteland. its like they hate anything positive and absolutely cannot believe good things happen or that people can be genuinely happy. once i tweeted about how my bf is amazing and i got hella people saying stuff about how he'll cheat or "give it a couple more years" or whatnot. like sorry yall are miserable?? couldnt be me tho

[@ummillyaas459]

@@evelinaz1548 😂😂😂 exactly sheesh! I know really don’t share anything anywhere anymore 😂😂

[@dreamer10485]

I think when people are insecure they view theirselves as in competition with other people. Exactly as you said they view you celebrating something good happening in your life as an attack on their lives. How dare you been happier than they are, how dare good things happen to you.

[@Loretta_C]

Your right there is no need for it. Instead of the snide comments they can try to find space and time in their lifestyle to do the same. Jealousy will get them nowhere. Unfortunately this is quite common.

[@apieceofcoffee]

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt Thank you to The Princess Diaries for putting that in my head as a 90s kid. It's what I live by.

[@siantelove]

"They try to bring you down to their level so that they don't feel more subservient" thank you for articulating this so perfectly. I just experienced this exact thing while shopping yesterday. The cashier was so nasty. I just walked away & wished her well. Insecure people don't know what to do with themselves when they can't get you to feel as bad as they do.

[@KellyStamps]

YEP. I’m glad those people commenting get it. It’s a shame that insecurity is so rampant!

[@nadanalia3000]

Thank you Kelly. I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to be an awkward goofball to be more “likeable” to other women who don’t even like themselves. If anything, me being emotionally available and vulnerable with these women gives them the green light to walk all over me. It’s also interesting because these same women are forcing relationships with men who take them for granted. Perhaps I remind them of themselves and they’re merely projecting their feelings of rejection onto me? I only want to deal with women who (are actively trying to) love themselves as well and I don’t mind being a loner until I find my tribe.

[@KellyStamps]

This is important! I have a very dry sense of humor and I used to dumb it down and be more bubbly to be likable when I was younger. It's liberating to just let others come to you.

[@goldenlioness868]

True ❤ same here.

[@oceanjuicer]

I relate to this so much

[@badpoetry33]

You just described 80% my interactions with people-men & women. 😂 😢 It’s exhausting. I’m sorry. Pull back your soft energy, faster. It’s not about being nice or not nice. It’s about when to be in your light feminine energy vs your dark feminine energy. And about rising in your own divine masculine energy to protect yourself. Now when I am in a situation like this feeling this invasive, dominating, gross, inappropriate male energy come at me, within seconds I pull back my energy, pull up taller, get curt, cold and polite. They usually respond by backing off. ps - the reason I say it’s not about being « nice » or « not nice » is that you can always still have an inner core of « niceness » regardless of the exterior energy. You can be neutral, reserved, and still have an energy of « BACK OFF ». I think women have been told the lie that we need to be nice to others at the expense of being nice to ourselves first. GO stampede.

[@KellyStamps]

This right here!

[@badpoetry33]

@@KellyStamps As an Asian female, the energy this identity invites is intense. I receive some privileges yes, but I quite often evoke an intent to stomp and squash, conquer / colonize, dominate, bat around and define. Especially if I start showing a brain, or force of personality. Always from people with a lesser energy. It took me so long to even realize what was happening. Every time I experienced this kind of violence like you described, it was destabilizing and depressing. Each time it sapped my energy. But I’m seeing through the Matrix now. Rise, baby. Keeping rising. ps - Chanel rocks, your appreciation for the brand is legit and you earned the money all by your little lonesome -you deserve to dote on yourself, so don’t ever feel embarrassed that you shared a part of who you truly were at that time. I liked lil Stampede then and now! pps - if you want to find your girl tribe in 1st century Japan, you might enjoy Sei Shonagon’s The Pillow Book (the Meredith McKinney translation). this woman is unapologetically who she is, and I love her for it.

[@iamcarlacollado]

Sooo true! Learning how to harness and utilize our dual energies is so important.

[@Lotus-wl9ll]

Yes yes and yes! 🎯

[@eiradenise7494]

Hope this doesn't sound weird but sometimes it does feel like your post are aligned with my thoughts. Growing up in a black household being a people pleaser and nice was always something I hated. And now that I'm healing and recovering from my people pleasing tendencies it's hard to know when I need to be assertive. It's even worse since I work in retail and deal with those people that get upset when you don't get out of their way.

[@zelapetalcliff]

I totally get this! I have a habit of saying sorry in retail just to get the person to chill out. Working on breaking this pattern slowly but surely.

[@KellyStamps]

I get this a lot! I wish they were more main stream larger black KZbinrs to talk about these things but maybe it will inspire others to come forward.

[@sophiaisabelle027]

I too am considered to be too nice for my own good. Some people think I could just be faking my own kindness from time to time just 'cause it gets too excessive. We appreciate your videos. May God bless you.

[@thatsdaniellelol]

Bruh SAAAAAME!!! It’s a challenge man.. and it’s hard.

[@lelainerduh]

I can see me doing this at times but it’s only because I rather peace with everyone. I’m sure no one likes when people dislike you but the older you get you realize you can not control peoples emotions

[@KellyStamps]

Then all the sudden you’re conceited or rude when you start putting boundaries down!!

[@wolfiesasha887]

Samee hereee

[@wolfiesasha887]

@@KellyStamps exactly

[@zack7438]

This was so me. I had this one guy who came to my flat to run a gas safety check and he refused to take off his shoes and used my bathroom. I am a MASSIVE neat freak, it's one of the reasons I live alone even though it's more expensive at 21. But all this to say that the next time he came for a safety check, I refused to open the door unless he agreed to leave his shoes outside and the whole time he was in my flat, we did not exchange a word. There is nothing wrong with having boundaries.

[@soulspirationgoddess]

The audacity honestly. Good for you for sticking to your boundaries.

[@zack7438]

@April_Spring2015 I will look into those shoe covers, thanks. And yeah, Ive learned my lesson

[@KellyStamps]

ughhh

[@Jean_81]

I hand them shoecovers at the door without saying anything. Not "oh can you put these on" or anything. Cause I know they usually won't take their shoes off for insurance purposes or whatever, so this is the next best thing. This was after one time an electrician told me he is not putting them on after he did it for years and wanted to argue in my home. And yes also had serviceguys just use the bathroom without asking AND peeing on the seat and acting surprised when I told them off.

[@shaybaeevolve119]

I'm super rude I don't play about putting shoe covers on when work people come in, I have a toddler and it baffles me how annoyed people get when you ask them to remove their shoes or put on shoe covers. I respect everyone home, if that's your rule, I will remove my shoes 🤗

[@melissak8892]

I think many of us as young ladies have to learn from an awkward experience or two about our own boundaries. Mine happened at 25 years old. I had just moved into my boyfriend's apartment in San Diego. I was there alone one afternoon and two dude bros knocked on the door. I answered because I thought it might be someone my boyfriend knew and they played on that. These dudes figuratively and literally pushed themselves in and before I knew it, we were sitting at the kitchen table and I'd spent 40 dollars on magazine subscriptions they were selling, even though I only had about 200 dollars to my name. Then one of them started to get very personal, asking me all about myself. The other guy looked sympathetic but wasn't going to intervene. I got caught in that weird uncomfortable oversharing spin cycle. I felt like they were being nice but could also asssult me at any second and I just didn't know how to respond to that confusion. Finally, they noticed one of my boyfriend's old cracked surfboards leaning on the wall that had a screwdriver shoved through it and graffiti all over it. I took that opportunity to make my sweetheart out to be an absolute homicidal maniac and they got the picture and left. This was in 2004. Update: I married the boyfriend and never let myself get into that kind of situation again. Also, I never even got my damn magazines.

[@Brandie-Nicole]

This is also an example of a really good lesson for us ladies to be aware of when we’re feeling stressed, tired, busy, etc., because we can easily say things to potentially dangerous people that could put us in harmful situations down the line. Protect your energy, but also stay mentally ready, and fully aware of who you’re talking to and how much info you’re giving them. Always. 💜

[@NallahBrown]

"It's okay to know that people are not on your level." FACTS

[@codywalker4729]

Hey nice video, I just turned 26 & I’ve always wondered why certain people challenged me in public for no reason as a stone cold introvert. My social ques are a bit rusty but this video has me thinking about venturing out of my comfort zone & learning to not let ppl faze me. You made me realize some ppl actually don’t deserve my kindness no matter how easy it comes from me & to watch for those ppl just using it up. I’m studying nursing & I know this field is gonna be filled with ppl testing & trying me

[@3mi3mi]

I’ve been mistreated and had my boundaries crossed in every way imaginable because I was too nice. No more. It took something traumatic happening to be by going against my judgment and letting someone abuse me, until I finally woke up and realized I was better than this person and I did not deserve this at all. Kelly, you’re such an inspiration to me and you’ve given me hope that maybe I can achieve success in my life by knowing my worth, not settling, and protecting my energy the way that you do.

[@erstellen7888]

I saw a quote that said "friends that aren't happy for you, aren't likely to contribute to your success". And that's really been a hard to swallow pill.

[@foreverconfusedandkindacute]

As someone who was VERY close friends with an INCREDIBLY insecure girl in uni, I totally feel this. Horrible experience, and I couldn't put into words what was wrong (cuz she's a great person otherwise). None of my other friends understood n the insecure BFF in question mostly blamed me (i officially broke off the friendship after 2yrs). I simply couldn't tolerate the draining feeling of constantly being beside someone with such low self esteem..

[@KellyStamps]

oof yeah it's better to break it off sometimes :(

[@amandag3778]

These were such good lessons to share! I am guilty of all of these. Saying sorry too much, apologizing for things that aren't my fault, and sharing too much information. This helped me realize, I have a lot to work on.

[@irmaiz133]

I said sorry to someone around 5th Avenue today and got a up and down look!!! Ughh!!!/almost wanted to scream - sorry not sorry!!!

[@bridgestowisdom]

It's not so much about being nice. It's about setting boundaries. No is a very present help in times of trouble. I used to do what you did and in the times we're in we have to be careful. A set up could have been afoot. Thank GOD they didn't come back and try to cause harm to you or rob you. 🙏🏽🕊

[@KellyStamps]

Agreed. I need someone to assemble some furniture for me since I redid my office here but I’m just scared to even hire Task Rabbit. Instead I’m gonna have some friends come by and help me build it.

[@bridgestowisdom]

@@KellyStamps YES! That would be wise. 🤗💖🙏🏽

[@ShelbySteele23]

@@KellyStamps When I was single I introduced myself to my male neighbor just so he would look out for me when I was receiving services. Even better if your neighbors are an old married couple because they live for that sort of stuff lol.

[@TeaWitcher]

I literally do not make small talk or smile for reasons like this. If i am not in the mood to talk or don't want people to feel too comfortable around me especially if the similar energy is not there. I keep it very short. They can tell instantly that I will not entertain them. It's come to this

[@Christinadistefano]

I’m glad you did this video because I know what being too nice is like. It took me about 10 years living in NYC to get it but this crap really does happen. Just like you I’m a minority (but nothing about me is minor-thank you for that). The kill them with kindness doesn’t always work. I think that was my problem for so long. You’re right, they’ll chew you up and spit you out. You can be kind to those deserving but not everyone gets to be in the inner circle-esp those that treat you in a passive aggressive underhanded way trying to bring you down to their insecure level. Walls go up with me now ❤ gotta protect this kind loving heart of mine. PS I too learned a lot from my hot Italian husband-who grew up in NYC!!! He doesn’t take sh*t from anyone. He’s not rude-but his energy and stature just makes it known. I love that!

[@KellyStamps]

I love all this AND that you have an assertive Italian man

[@shonnie_eboniexo]

Absolutely enjoyed this video. Slightly older than you but I’m also now getting to a point in life where I realize being too nice all the time isn’t worth it. People will definitely use and abuse you like you said. Boundaries matter!

[@kaelynn_listening]

people know what they’re doing. you are too special for them kelly

[@vivreavecaudace]

girl, you are not the only one. I stupidly am wayyyyy too honest with these things. It's a default mechanism... probably was hammered in my brain when I was young. who knows.. but know that you are not alone and this shit "of being too honest or nice" has gotten me in very uncomfortable situations too.. be warry of some men.. that's all im saying.

[@wizdum4957]

Haha being way to honest is something I have to work on. Thank you for reminding me 😋

[@Jenny-ju7yp]

Same here! I really have Have to be careful because I have a disability so now I’m like OK I’ll have learn how to flip my conversations around on Them start at asking them the same questions sometimes my mouth could be a little smart ass

[@denarendall]

SAME! I am so naive. I will engage in conversation with ANYONE without even thinking. Always putting myself in potentially dangerous situations in fear of coming across as “rude” if I don’t reply. I’m lucky to have never gotten myself in real trouble.

[@glow1815]

I treat people how they treats me. I used to not be that person, I was always nice to people irregardless, people always told you're you nice. Nope not anymore. I don't care if you're sad, mad or happy I will let you know....if you cross the line.

[@spyry7682]

I struggle with this too, but I'm working on being more assertive and standing up for myself in order to be taken more seriously.

[@Calicat8]

I had a Russian version of your gage who stressed to me the importance of being assertive and not being so nice. I think the main reason I find it difficult to follow his advice is because for the world a White girl saying "No" or speaking up for herself is confident but for Black girls we get labeled as having a bad attitude. I still struggle but I am trying and after watching this I think it will be easier.

[@kadjalaing2569]

I’m here for these gems as a woman and a woman of color asserting yourself is a necessity if you don’t people will try to diminish your value , repeatedly.I’ve worked as a server for years and it is one of the hardest job as a young adult but I’m glad I’ve learned so much from the people I’ve served which is to be humble and respectful but also never lose your dignity head up chest out eye contact always. these videos are helping me so much loving this community your creating.

[@lyndoraburroughs-robinson5663]

Some People confuse kindness with weakness. Huge Mistake 😌❤

[@drebugsita]

YUP! I've been thinking about this saying a lot lately. Ultimately it reveals more about them than oneself but its still disappointing and a drag. But important to note and NOT normalize letting people do that. When it comes to who I choose to have in my life I'd much rather go with quality over quantity

[@ajshaniq]

More of these videos please miss m'am. I feel that the sit down videos and unfiltered conversations always hit home.

[@tiffanyt1680]

I’ve lived in Southern CT my whole life and the way you describe it is hilarious and kind of spot on. Also, Supermodel off duty is the style I’ve been trying to achieve for a while now. Absolutely classic! That red top that you introduced in a throwback haul, the blue jeans, & you had that fitted snappy leather jacket too, some of my favorite looks of yours. Elegant and unmatched. & Congrats on going back to school! Life’s all about balance. I’ve been a stampede student since 2020 and I’ve loved following you through moves and phases. I love seeing young black women paving the way and thriving. Good luck in school! And enjoy this grace period setting yourself back up in Sandy until then!

[@KellyStamps]

Yes I’m glad you watched that video! That’s one of my favorites I’ve made. I’m very into the 90s timeless chic fashion with a hint of preppy. In college is going to suck lol but there I say I am actually kind of looking forward to it. I don’t think anyone could possibly relate but it’s been really weird just aimlessly posting videos full-time for two years. Sponsorships are good because it’s kind of like homework assignments but there’s no real END goal other than growing, so it gets weird. it’s nice to know that I will complete classes.

[@berealwrizzle]

It's the way they try and bring you down to their level so they can feel comfortable. I recently allowed this in a relationship and now I'm out I feel so free but also like?????? This video allowed me to step back into my power - thanks Kelly xox

[@thesubliminalqueen]

It's nice being nice until people start taking advantage of it...

[@mirabella2154]

Which they will always do....

[@KellyStamps]

Mhmmm

[@drebugsita]

@@mirabella2154 The real ones don't. Not to say there aren't differences or tensions but people with a conscience do exist, and they are a good measure to check how you feel against the shady ones.

[@mirabella2154]

@@drebugsita Sorry, but that's bullshit. What is a "real one"? Humans take advantage of others that they consider "weaker". While not all humans will do that, the majority does. It is what it is. It's our job to set boundaries and not to let that happen. It's something I had to experience and learn myself.

[@drebugsita]

@@mirabella2154 You actually just re-stated my point. Maybe you don't like the expression I used, which to translate is to say genuinely kind people, but I was highlighting that such people do exist and their character makes others' lack of integrity all the more evident. Disagreeing -with a random person on YT no less - does not have to involve swearing and anger. For me, being able to disagree is a sign of someone who is humble and confident enough to handle difference and reflect, rather than attack and make declarations, with or without actual expertise on the matter

[@kitkatt6357]

best advice u gave ! especially when raised by two toxic people pleasers , where the image of being a sainted victim is more important than self respect , u need pple around u who know how to set boundaries to learn from !

[@cheyttle]

Needed to hear this so bad. I always feel bad when I choose myself or what others want because I'm a people pleaser but this year has definitely showed me that in the end it isn't worth it...

[@LovingSoul61]

I knock people over too lmao it’s fun😂 I’m proud of you. We’re the same age and go through similar things at the same time and I’m learning these lessons more and more each day and I don’t even have money like that but people just be intimidated by my energy and how I carry myself. I look sweet and cute and I’m a small BW, so people think they can treat me how they want. They learn quickly that’s not the case.

[@Sassysonia1234]

lol Kelly insecure people are dangerous he sounded like a good guy. I love a man who can stand up for you not all can. Left my ex because he was incapable of standing up for me. I love this dating story lol my standards have been through the roof recently. And you are right.

[@sjwells04]

I’d love more minimalism or wardrobe tour videos if you’re feeling that kind of content. I loved those videos in 2020. Best of luck with university!

[@Weeniehutnurse]

I’m engaged and everyday I’m catcalled and men come up to me and say gross things and ask me out. If I’m in a public place at this point I’m rude, I will say mean shit. One guy came up to me asking me if I have a boyfriend, I say yes, he tells me he can take care of me better. I visibly look him up and down, and say “Not looking like that.” He gets upset and I just walk away. Sometimes they need to be checked

[@dcabral00]

Yes, beautiful classy lady; they want you to be humble, for their benefit. At work, I personally had to put a few people in their place for being loud and behaving as though we were on the same level when we clearly weren't. These people essentially want you to portray yourself as though your success and prosperity is nothing because they neither have it nor have any chance of ever obtaining it.

[@cosmospray]

I often hear you say you are embarrassed for something of the past now Kelly you don’t have to be embarrassed, from a very cool and sophisticated woman that I am 😝 I can garanty you’ve always been very far from ridiculous or too much or anything like that and you’ve always looked to me the most cool and smart girl of youtube. You can be proud of your past self 100% Luxury items period, converse period, minimalist period, or any period, you are GOOD and totally original. I am 35 and successful and you are an inspiration and source of motivation and new ideas you are always recreating yourself with grace.

[@Brenda-uf8pk]

i had an actual break down when i had to accept this ... that some people... you want to be kind to but they (some) just want to bring you down. and i can change that. this video is so concise and well put . thank you.

[@raylubin]

Gratitude is so so so important to feeling happy and fulfilled in life. You can be grateful for what you have AND strive to do better and create abundance for yourself

[@Allthingsworktogether1125]

"About their money, protecting their energy and only hangingout with people that can uplift them and do better" Thank you ❤️

[@danelledautrievesanford]

You had the blessing of a mentor in an unexpected situation. (Portion redacted) I had a similar situation with a creepy computer trainee who accompanied my regular computer repair person. I blocked him from walking around my house. The repair person stopped mentoring the man ,when he noticed the behavior, before I mentioned it later.

[@WhatItIsEric]

I feel you here - def have to find the balance and make sure to protect your peace of mind and always make a point of what you allow in your space and how someone may treat you...

[@ASMRA33]

My fellow humans but especially my fellow women....please don't allow the world's narratives and definitions shove you in a box. Being assertive has nothing to do with lack of KINDNESS! You can be both EXTREMELY KIND, patient, generous AND confident, focused, and not to be EFFED WITH. They're not mutually exclusive!!! After all, you hold the pen that draws the line🤷🏾‍♀️❤️🙏 God Bless!

[@TheGabyNya]

Bless you Kelly Stamps, you are a joy, this is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you so much! I have such a hard time saying no, consider myself a people pleaser and I actually ended up getting burnt out at work from trying to help everyone. I finally got the courage to quit and actually start living for myself, my last day of work is on Monday, I'll keep working on living life on my own terms!

[@drebugsita]

I moved into an apartment my dad got in the country where he is from but I was living there alone most of the time. One of the cable guys checked the place out - very obviously - said he liked it for himself and literally wrote his phone number on the wall! My dad saw that and was appalled someone would do that. I was in my early twenties and had some seriously scary and close call experiences having to let guys in for repairs, etc. One guy even distracted me with questions while he went into a closet and stole my dad's camcorder (which I felt terrible about!). But I am so lucky nothing worse happened. I am ashamed to say I stayed in an extremely toxic relationship with an addict (who basically made the place his own) in part because I hated how vulnerable I felt trying to keep up the apartment as a single female. And that's not to mention the serious backstabbing I received when I tried renting out two rooms to peers I was studying with. The amount of resentment they had over the obvious privilege I enjoyed (but very much downplayed and felt a bit uncomfortable about) it was malicious. I am still learning these lessons, a decade later and now on the East Coast. Really have to protect our boundaries, especially as WOC, AT ALL COSTS. Not sorry. You are so right to stress the importance of not sharing that you live alone. One thing my toxic ex told me to say was that my boyfriend was 6'5, a boxer, and very jealous! Basically what you said. So happy for you and impressed with how you are learning these lessons so quickly - I know I fumbled and repeated those mistakes! Trust has to be earned

[@thatchickkrys]

Kelly- you're like the friend who always knows what to say exactly when you need it, without even telling them! I needed this message today. Thank you for empowering us to live our best, unbothered, elevated lives! 🙏💖

[@KellyStamps]

KEEP SHININ AND EATIN THAT TIRAMISU

[@thatchickkrys]

@@KellyStamps Amen. 🙏💖

[@deeniology101]

I feel you. I instructed my daughter to tell all potential boyfriends that "my dad works for the FBI" when she moved alone to a different city.

[@denarendall]

I genuinely LOVE how self assured you are. You know who you are and you know what you want - no apologies, but never in an ass hole kind of way. Each video, you rub off on me a little more. Can’t wait till the day I wake up and genuinely give 0 fucks, full Professor Stamps style.

[@FallacyAsPraxis]

28:47. Oh boy, do I know 'those people'. Most of my career I've had these types as patients....always sizing me up. Some of them just can't take it. They try to engage you in forced conversation, during which they ask personal questions or throw shade outright. I keep it professional. VERY professional. I don't smile, and I don't respond to their rudeness. I just do what I have to do and exit the room.

[@noahhradek5426]

I can relate in the sense that I get tired of trying to please. Especially in dating or with family, like it's never enough.

[@dominique7269]

Being a pretty, good natured woman comes with a whole set of struggles in life for sure. Blessings too, oh yess, but man… people been trying to dim my light. It started at home with my mothers, sadly.

[@wenchyfoodwench4098]

I Used to be too nice. Now I’m much more all about boundaries. I’m not here to take care of the world. Especially with my hubby having heart issues now I’m pretty much anyone not family can kick rocks lol

[@Xereszone]

same experience, I sometimes feel guilty when good things happen to me because I'm always thinking about other people who are having a hard time. Yes, you're right. We need to accept that life is unfair sometimes.

[@kaylinthealien]

The white outfit at the beginning is SICKENING. Obsessed

[@R.Jai.]

The moment I realized being mean can protect you sometimes my life changed.

[@terena_world]

a 30 minute video?! let me grab my dinner and some tea because i am ready to be ENTERTAINED. love this long form content miss kelly stamps

[@kenyastewart22]

I feel this message working in corperate america. There’s a difference in making allies and being a door mat for people. If you are nice people take it for weakness. People will use and will sleep peacefully at night. I would rather be mean and have them be up worrying about me.

[@Nan-Elle]

That's very nice that you really care about your subscribers. We all come from different generations, backgrounds and financial situations. But we all appreciate you and care about your career, too.

[@livnicole9550]

LEGIT, this was probably my favorite storytime ever! Like seriously. So many good nuggets in this episode - it should be a ted talk!

[@poppycalliope]

BOUNDARIES 👏wish I knew how to set boundaries sooner. I used to always be so nice and don't get me wrong I still am, but I am not going to allow anyone to bring me down or step over me just so they can feed their ego & insecurities. That man, that waitress... I feel sorry for people like them, it must be hard living with yourself. I know that most of these people wouldn't behave like that towards a man. Another great topic discussed in your video Kelly ❤

[@aishawaterman492]

Thank you for sharing this, now that I’m in my 20s these are great lessons to remember. Never let people get too comfortable with you

[@amberbiggs]

Most people don't understand the significance of protecting your energy. Who you let occupy time in your mind has a profound impact on your life. Be selective.

[@thea7035]

100 percent agree. If people are being rude it's time to give them the same energy back and call them out!

[@trendy4tmrw]

You’re diving deep into intersections of what it means being a successful Black woman. Not saying sorry and being firm, two things I am learning for myself now. Thanks for taking us on your relatable and hilarious journey as always.

[@selahsoulfullee]

I’m so proud of you and how far you’ve come. This was such an authentic/inspirational video (for those who get it). Love you and the work you do! ❤

[@jazzysosweet5133]

Loved this. Loved your delivery of the message and it came at the right time. Love you girl!!

[@Ji-wz7ys]

first of all, you look stunning in this video! happiness and wealth looks good on you, siss!

[@StephLashea]

I really love this video because it's real and on a certain level, I'm dealing with the same thing in terms of attitude shifting and learning how to not be so nice and accommodating. Awesome!

[@HoneyBunRoad]

RELATABLE! enough with the niceness for no reason, this last quarter for 2022 IVE BEEN ABOUT MYSELF and I’ve carrying on that energy into 2023z

[@seattlegirl2077]

I think rather than saying one is "beneath" you, your other words of "being on a different path" is better. Firm but still not mean. Perhaps not the New York way, but it will get you what you want probably most everywhere else.

[@kristishanti]

Take note: Other people are mirrors. They will ALWAYS reflect back what YOU need to work on about yourself. If this video brings you discomfort, look deep within yourself to find out why

[@loveliveholistically]

Another great video. Its a shame some people feel they have a right to undermine you because they feel inscure about themselves.

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why

[@FlavioNoNavio]

I love listening to you share that type of insightful information, makes me feel like I'm not just a viewer but that I can also trust the things you say. You're very inspiring and I thank you for that, Kelly!

[@erdftzgh]

Am an INTJ personality, i really resonates with you. I love your videos ☺

[@KellyStamps]

A lot of people who watch me have INTJ!

[@AnnalisaJ]

I am an INTJ too!! I feel the same way!✨

[@iampreciouswalker]

I loved the old look and I love the new look. You seem more relaxed. Nothing wrong with finding a happy medium.

[@dominicisidore]

I’m SOO proud that you are going back to school and living your best life! You are so inspiring! I love your videos!

[@midnite_walrus]

You are amazing and I fully understand and have been in this situation plenty of times and there comes a time where you cannot be ‘the nice girl’ anymore to spare someone else’s feelings over your own. 🎉

[@D4NC3Rable]

This story resonated so hard I became a crystal glass & shattered.

[@circletimeforthesoulpodcast]

It's the mic for me. You are such a light. Thank you for your honesty and for brining your joy to this corner of the internet.

[@GoddessLaurel]

Thank you, I’ve had this issue before.. being overly nice to insecure people because they insinuate that I should compensate them for my privilege. I’ve tried to explain and justify that I worked hard to get it and to maintain it. It’s weird though because they end up trying to make you their doormat, while they pander and fawn over those who are cool and dismissive with them. I will still treat everyone I encounter with kindness and respect, but have sworn off explaining myself or being small to make others comfortable enough to get overfamiliar.

[@MsJamusic]

I struggle with this issue too! Looking forward to the back to College videos.

[@sadijagure]

Defending yourself against a man who was clearly trying to intimidate you is not being a Karen, he fully deserved that review hopefully he learns a lesson from this. I cannot stand intrusive people who dont understand personal boundaries.

[@CrystalKwashie]

Love this Kelly, and so happy about your relationship with God, that'll take you to a whole new elevated level in life!

[@payehomage6922]

So relatable. I have been saying I need to shake off this people-pleasing stuff. Thank you

[@planetChristie]

I love Italians 😍 glad he sat her straight!! “There’s nothing minor about my existence!” Period 💅🏾

[@marionsanford524]

Preach sister!!! Everything in this video is beyond relatable. Felt like this and learned these same lessons in the past few years. Love these type of videos!!!

[@JC-eb6jl]

It's really exhausting, constantly having to say to myself 'I belong here and deserve to be here'. Coming from very humble beginnings and making a decision to do something positive with my life should be celebrated. Instead, the world tries to challenge me and demean me as a young black woman. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but they really become more blatant the more you try to combat their behavior with being quiet and kind. I recently experienced similar situations while staying at a resort. People kept asking me what I do for work. Servers would talk to me like a child. It was really annoying. Especially when watching the interactions with the other patrons that were not POC. On the flight home, the non POC flight attendant literally served the two non POC in my row and moved to other rows, then came back to me. This happened twice.

[@irmaiz133]

Trust me you are not the only ONE!!! Sad!!!

[@irmaiz133]

I face this so many times... DAY!!!

[@eddieonthegotravel]

💯 Took me years but I’m over that BS.

[@KellyStamps]

I’ll get there!!

[@eddieonthegotravel]

@@KellyStamps I know you will!

[@tarotwithKia]

Watched part of video during lunch and the rest at home because I loooove Kelly Stamps shenanigans, rants, sponsorship ads, fashion, lonership and choice of dogs and verbal comebacks ❤️