Top Secret - German Lessons

From the movie "Top Secret", with Val Kilmer. 1984.

[@lonestar6709]

_"There is sauerkraut in my lederhosen."_ We've all been there.

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

I'm there right now. It's very squishy.

[@stvdagger8074]

Could be worse, your hovercraft could be full of eels.

[@jongilbertson2106]

At least you don’t have a schnauzer with your schnitzel.

[@blackrifle6736]

*Indeed. But how did you know my nickname for her? Cheers!*

[@bujin1977]

A criminally underrated film. One of my favourites.

[@alicestocklistockli8394]

bujin1977 absolutely

[@TheDude-yw4kn]

bujin1977 love this movie!! Most movies today suck.

[@santiagomoralesgarcia1802]

yeah, the first time I watched this movie was in 2012 when I was looking for something good in the TV.

[@nkt1]

Finally, an appropriate use of the word ‘underrated’. I’m sick of reading comments like “Titanic is underrated”, “Meryl Streep” is so underrated. No, they’re not!

[@cameraman655]

Definitely...The Zuckers brother's films, ( Airplane, Naked Gun,) rocked the 80s.

[@spacecadetmcgee7349]

The train leaving the station has to be the greatest sight gag in any film ever.

[@TheInkPitOx]

I don't get it

[@Pagliacci_Rex]

I believe you mean the station leaving the train.

Always loved the station taking off instead of the train :D

[@mkozlinski]

Black conductor speaks yiddish: "Vaksn zolstu vi a tsibele - mitn kop in drerd" - "May you grow like an onion - with head in the ground".

[@orollo5801]

Yiddish or german? German: "Wachsen sollst Du wie ein Zwiebele. Mitm Kopp in der Erd'?

[@mkozlinski]

@@orollo5801 "German is like Yiddish. Only without sense of humor" (Train de Vie) :)

[@mkozlinski]

@@orollo5801 kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y6K0hHR7gtZoodE

[@doughesson]

An infant in your lap may spell wet pants. Do you have the information that my superiors require?

[@blackrifle6736]

@@mkozlinski *So true! Cheers!*

[@mattscott2664]

I was late to work the other day because I missed my tree

[@jamespalmer5679]

Matt Scott Hhhhaaaaaaaa man I'm straight up crying laughing

[@notallthatbad]

One of the funniest movies ever created. 2:53 makes me howl with laughter.

[@InformationIsTheEdge]

Same! I scared my cat, laughing so loud!

[@orgryte1]

Funniest two seconds in the history of motion picture!

[@gr6e]

Oh my god I've spent 15 years trying to figure out where I knew the "slamming shut a sliding glass door and it breaks" gag from and found it just now

[@notallthatbad]

@@gr6e that's great. There are some movies I have seen like that which I haven't solved yet!

[@matthewcarey3148]

Oh god the dog bones! Never gets old.

[@tomservo5347]

The man chasing the tree as a continuation of the sight gag of the train station 'leaving'. Yes, things were backward in East Germany.

[@leserax3250]

There is Sauerkraut in my Lederhose :D

[@princesskitu]

Val Kilmer...beautiful man in his prime. Love him still. Incredible actor

[@susanjoyce6688]

Seriously beautiful

[@meatwad74]

'Zey are not taking him anywhere'

[@timjung640]

I need to watch this movie! It's like Airplane meets Inglorious Bastards!

[@TheInkPitOx]

It was made by the people who made Airplane

[@doughesson]

The original one with the prisoners escaping onto a plane headed to Europe on a secret mission or that Brad Pitt BS movi

[@k.b.9270]

I'm German and I strongly believe its way funnier to watch if you actually understand German and catch up on all the German nonsense part, quite fascinating actually. The subtitles very rarely translate what is actually being said (well, it's hard to translate cause its mostly gibberish with some German words sprinkled in it, except the mayors speech)

[@robertburton802]

Most of the "German" spoken is actually Yiddish. Another background joke by the Zuckers.

[@truemamrdi4all]

@@robertburton802 Aha, ich verstehe etwas Deutsch, aber fast nix aus diesem Film

[@robertburton802]

@@truemamrdi4all That's because it's not German! LOL

[@truemamrdi4all]

@@robertburton802 Umzin!

[@pattysherwood7091]

I tried to understand the German , since I studied it , but I never could figure it out.

[@AndyCigars]

One of many awesome scenes in a hilarious movie with so many good ones. I love all the tough looking attack dogs barking...then the cute little one busts through and chimes in! XD

[@doughesson]

When my Dachshunds are barking at someone, their Chorkie apprentice does the exact same thing. For the past 3 years, I've been flashing on this scene for that reason.

[@georgehenderson7783]

And then the bag contains not drugs but dog biscuits

[@TheInkPitOx]

Actually, you'd expect it to be raw meat@@georgehenderson7783

[@ZetaReticuli_]

Just love the non-stop gags in this movie.

[@strandedinanisland457]

I lost it at "There is Sauerkraut in my Lederhosen."....

[@Roughecho]

The Montgomery Ward mailing list is a fate worse than death

[@randymillhouse791]

Monkey Ward as it was called back in the days.

[@c0t0d0s7]

Your attitude is being noted, Meester Reevers. (Slams door shut, glass shatters)

[@doughesson]

"What did you say to them? "Nothing,I just told him that I put his name on the Montgomery Ward mailing list."

[@dcap79]

That WOULD get you shot.

[@ricsip]

What was that Montgonery ward(?) list, I never understood that joke.

[@doughesson]

@@ricsip It's a mailing list where they never stop sending you catalogs. Only slightly less obnoxious than the calls about your car's extended warranty.

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

@@doughesson Back then Montgomery Ward was a major department store.

[@doughesson]

@@CaptainLumpyDog "Back then"? What are we? Over 50?

[@dieseldude7766]

This movie is a staple in our house. My four kids (all under 25) make their partners watch it and base their decision on whether they're 'keepers' on the reactions. A little odd but certainly understandable.

[@blackrifle6736]

*Gotta be proud of smart kids using an effective filter. Cheers!*

[@tonydog4456]

You raised them well! This may be the best litmus test to see if a potential mate is a “keeper”.

[@11Kralle]

"Your attitude is being noted, Mr. Rivers" was hilariously subbed with: "Ihrä loggere Ard zu schbräschn isd hia fehl am Pladze (Ihre lockere Art zu sprechen ist hier fehl am Platze/ Your informal way of expression is unappropriate here)" which is a kind of east german burocratical language used by the armed forces and the Stasi. I can only emphazise to enjoy german subbing...

[@blackrifle6736]

*Pity is after the STASI became jobless were hired en masse as YT's Speech Police. Cheers!*

[@jdrancho1864]

It's Saxon dialect, as practiced by Walter Ulbricht.

[@maddog8621]

Love the station pulling away from the train

[@doughesson]

I always thought that they should have released a Nick Rivers album with Val Kilmer doing the singing.

[@randymillhouse791]

Joni Mitchell had a greatest "hits" album. Check out the album cover.

[@kamxam1384]

They do have the Top Secret soundtrack with most of his songs on it also.

[@doughesson]

@@kamxam1384 I'll have to look that up,literally for giggles. I just looked it up. They don't have Skeet Surfin' or any of the good stuff. Bummer,dewd.

[@Exparcelman]

The same East German checkpoint border as used in Octopussy, just outside of Peterborough, UK.

[@c0t0d0s7]

And the actor that played Nick’s manager on the train also appeared in “GoldenEye” as the admiral that got squeezed to death by Onatopp’s thighs.

[@jdrancho1864]

@@c0t0d0s7 that is some serious movie trivia knowledge

[@c0t0d0s7]

@@jdrancho1864 My friends call me the “walking IMDb guy.”

[@weresorenflyin]

I was shocked when the tree bit happened and I couldn’t stop laughing

[@TheInkPitOx]

I don't get it

[@ecembrew]

This movie is so underrated

[@doughesson]

I just told him that I put his name on the Montgomery Ward mailing list" My favorite line.

[@user-rv1jk7ek3d]

I don't get it

[@doughesson]

They never let up on you.It was the pop up ad of the pre internet days.

[@rogeriopenna9014]

I should try to check how it was translated into brazilian portuguese. Ok... checked it in the original 80s dubbing in brazilian portuguese (available at Netflix). Nick says: "I said I would put his name on the list of a encyclopedia vendor" They were REALLY pesky in Brazil in the 80s.

[@ZetaReticuli_]

@@doughesson Ah, yes... Before annoying pop ups it was junk mail.

[@Teacher-Thayse]

@@rogeriopenna9014 this movie should come back to Netflix catalog.

[@Nailtheday]

Best movie ever!!

[@michaelbodine6142]

THAT's the size of MilkBone dog biscuits they were looking for ! there's more sight gags in Top Secret than Frau Blucher meeting Terri Garr with speedbumps.

[@cbnewham5633]

After all these years, I've only just noticed he is reading a "German" newspaper (with English title "The Daily Oppressor") and then asks "What did he say?" 😄

[@TheInkPitOx]

That little dog is just like my cockapoo. She only thinks she's vicious.

[@Sampler19]

Okay, here's what the tutorial guys really saying (or what his gibberish could most likely mean): "An flash is in the flask cloth. Want have duty middles and the Heiner [a forename] Burstah!" I want i am the barn in the Bürgengasse [name of a street].

[@notallthatbad]

Makes perfect sense to me.

[@casbot71]

I don't know how we pulled it off, but this was a film we analysed for English class in High school.

[@Azazel2024]

No way. But if true, salute

[@ZakWolf]

Chuckie: "Hey! The whole choo-choo train station is rolling away!"

[@duanelinstrom4292]

I was at a concert once, the performers were Scottish. The performers gave a little introduction before the music, and I couldn’t understand a word they said. Then they began to sing and I understood everything.

[@Elac69]

When we watched the movie first time some 40 years ago, seeing a black conductor in East Germany, and even him, speaking German was the quite contrast, so I remember my friends were laughing in tears. Still I wonder , was this directors’ intention?

[@N3zukoooo]

Val omg he's so frickin adorable 😍

[@MichaelGrubbEvolvedMinistry]

Stop it.

[@jdrancho1864]

This is the kind of movie you really have to watch a couple of times to get all the jokes, and even then you'll miss a few. This movie was chockful with these kinds of visual jokes, not even counting the jokey dialogue. The ass-backwards scene in the bookstore is a masterpiece in itself.

[@TheInkPitOx]

For the Montgomery Ward thing, what Rivers would have said would be "Ich werde Ihre Namen zur Montgomery Ward-Mailingliste hinzufügen".

[@Lord.Kiltridge]

And I'll miss you most of all Scarecrow.

[@Christoph_HM]

Wasn't Nick's manager played by the actor, who played the Admiral from "JB: Goldeneye"? The one, who got killed by the leg-scissor of Xenia Onatopp? (what a death..)

[@doughesson]

Helluva way to go.

[@lynnpoint6395]

Yep, the late Billy J. Mitchell (died 1999). He was the town doctor in Rustler's Rhapsody, had a bit in Superman and I think a brief cameo in Down Periscope, among other movies. In addition to Goldeneye, he was in the unofficial James Bond flick Never Say Never Again. Probably the biggest movie he was in was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

[@TheInkPitOx]

Blitzen is not pen, it's lightning. Flachmatuchen means flatten

[@Nyerguds]

Keith Pixton Apparently a lot of their "German" was actually Yiddish, so it would sound weird to absolutely everyone.

[@maximillianford9301]

Hey mate. In case you missed the memo, the whole thing is a joke. They're taking the piss

[@orollo5801]

No shit, Sherlock. Genau DAS ist der Witz daran.

[@mkozlinski]

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[@TheInkPitOx]

@@maximillianford9301 Not all viewers know German.

[@bobthebuzztard]

0:36 The Daily Oppressor

[@k.b.9270]

Yeah, the old East Germany. When stuff always randomly happened.

[@aedwards7045]

My god i haven't seen this movie in over 40 years

[@Wherethehellarewegoing]

What in gods name is with the dude chasing the tree? You know what, don't worry about it. Its batshit and utterly hilarious

[@JayMaverick]

He was late, duh

[@oneproblemcanttrustanyone.9489]

The daily oppressor 😂

[@felipericardovoigt4251]

The tree is the best

[@rotoscopic8757]

1:51 gets me every time

[@wado1942]

What an absurd, brilliant film.

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

I would call it a masterpiece, but how could it be better than Airplane! Or Naked Gun? All of their movies are masterpieces!

[@angeldust1973]

Even funnier if you´re German native! :)

[@mikemesser4326]

12 years ... youtube algorithm does it again. I remember watching this ... when I was stationed in Berlin. The irony .... hahaha

[@deinfan117]

his german is so bad i dont understand it and i am from germany...

[@wedemeyerr]

+deinfan117 Ich habe Sauerkraut in meiner Hose! :-D

[@rogerpenna]

it's hunsrückish dialect.

[@SoundHeartbeat]

but this was the first time a deutsche bahn speech was clearly and understandable spoken xD

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

He's speaking Yiddish, not German.

[@xs732]

Ist Ihr Tochter achtzehn, bitte?

[@mikkol8716]

Eine Plitzt Ist In Der Frachmatur = A pen is on the table. Got it! 😊👍🏻

[@michaelturner4457]

As if the Montgomery-Ward mailing list would mean anything in East Germany. Still funny though

[@betoen]

Meteorite lands near baby.

[@PointyTailofSatan]

Second best East German comedy movie. Only one better was One Two Three with Jimmy Cagney.

[@blackrifle6736]

*Whatta memory you have. Saw this on TV as a little kid. Was so strange to see a B&W movie. Learned later all prints distributed for TV were B&W. Cheers!*

[@mattz5770]

What about Gotcha?

[@stuartmiller7419]

Deja vu: "Haven't we met before, monsieur?

[@Wherethehellarewegoing]

I don't think so *nods understandingly before returning to severe glare*

[@linajurgensen4698]

They’re speaking gibberish every time they speak German lol. I don’t understand a single word as a German.

[@doughesson]

That's ok. My Grandmother didn't understand any of this movie as an American when we went to see it in 1982.

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

They're speaking Yiddish, not German.

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

@@doughesson There are a LOT of jokes you aren't going to get in 'Top Secret' if you aren't Jewish.

[@doughesson]

@@CaptainLumpyDog No,she didn't understand why anyone thought that it was funny.

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

@@doughesson Like I said, a lot of the best jokes will fly over your head if you didn't grow up in the culture. And that's ok!

[@user-fp9ng9pq7x]

On holiday in england 84/86 uncle gave us a video to play to keep us 7nutjobs quiet,, what can i say that backfired we watched tat movie back to back we had to missed half of it pure laughter would love to c it again ,, choocolate moouse /gota hand it to the germans they make great cars /

[@TheMerryPup]

How silly can you get? Oh oh. How silly can you get? Yeah yeah.

[@m1nco_kadr1c]

Sauerkraut in meinen Lederhosen hahaha

[@markdombrowski9619]

Latrine!

[@BlackPixel1]

Have I not seen this before?

[@jeffmoodie6144]

Never knew this movie existed but I’ve laughed more from a few clips than from any entire modern comedy… well, unless you count all ten seasons of friends maybe…. But I suppose they weren’t modern either as they were done decades ago.

[@wesleydesot4904]

Friends is the most unfunny shit that ever existed.

[@davidscanlon2538]

One of the funniest films ever ..Nick Rivers😂

[@nicku1]

There is sauerkraut in mein lederhose 🤣🤣🤣

[@GoldKingsMan]

My college buddy resembles the black version of Kilmer. Guy got nicked for doggy biscuits.

[@Kajpaje]

Hill ary arse. A masterpiece.

[@byzantinewarrior1972]

"the flash is on the freight cloth"????? LOL

[@crucial3267]

Depicting East Germany as the Nazis is extremely ironic

[@blackrifle6736]

*But so spot-on. Well, you had to venture past Checkpoint Charley to see for yourself. Under Walter Ulbricht, East Germany strived to out do both the Soviets and the Nazis. The normally laudable German spirit (especially engineering) of "we'll show them how it should really be done" but ethically unfettered and writ large. Cheers!*

[@bravosix8166]

Sorry I'm not American, can someone help to explain what's a Montgomery Ward mailing list?

[@nkt1]

It’s a mail-order company that, back when this film was made, regularly sent catalogues and other literature to its customers.

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

@@nkt1 Back then they were a major department store chain.

[@blackrifle6736]

*As another commenter stated: Once on their mailing list the only way to get off it was to move. List filled your physical mailbox with slick-paper ads every week and a two pound+, 2-inch-thick catalogue landed on your doorstep with a thud four times a year. "Monkey Ward" sent old skool SPAM. Cheers!*

[@abrahamedelstein4806]

I see NVA uniforms were hard to come by.

[@RandallFrequentFlyerFlagg]

What’s so bad about the Montgomery Ward mailing list?

[@blackrifle6736]

*It resulted in your physical mailbox being filled with slick-paper ads every week and a 2-inch-thick catalogue landing on your doorstep four times a year. Old skool SPAM. Cheers!*

[@Seriousgreeen]

i dont get the montgomery ward mailing list joke. i assume it was junk mail that came too often? any sages reading this that can explain.

[@VDAM1984]

I still use that insult lol

[@Darkfatheroftheuniverse]

Så jävla bra

[@jcampezzi1027]

Doc what happens when this train gets past 2000?

[@luiseduardo586]

I just dont get the meanibg of the man catching a moving tree... Is there is any meaning at all

[@peter9477]

As much meaning as most of the movie. It's just another gag, with a guy running to catch the tree as it leaves the station, more or less.

[@luiseduardo586]

@@peter9477 Yeah, that gag is kind of off...anyways very funny.

[@Chrisjude100]

Old Hollywood movies with train departure scenes had a man (usually with a hat) running to catch it at the last second. When the platform departs here , a man with a hat runs to to catch that at the last second. Then the train departs, and a tree departs ahead of it, with man with a hat running to catch that at the last second.

[@luiseduardo586]

@@Chrisjude100 THANKS!!!

[@alicestocklistockli8394]

Is your daughter eighteen??

[@lynnpoint6395]

Ha, ha, the Montgomery Ward's mailing list....

[@obsoleteprofessor2034]

Doesn't the soldier in standing behind the passport checker look like Major Savage from 12 O-clock High TV series?

[@callumforbes4369]

2:22 could somebody please explain this one to me? Other than that every joke is hilarious

[@hughmoore3251]

The Montgomery Ward one? They are (were) a big retailer in the U.S., like Sears or J.C.Penny. Long before the internet. Getting on their mailing list meant getting tons of physical paper in your physical mailbox. The original spam, in a way. Super annoying.

[@callumforbes4369]

@@hughmoore3251 thank you, it's been doing my nut in for over 15 years

[@ganggreen9012]

Every 3 months you would get a 3inch thick seasonal catalogue in the mail, and there would regular sales ads too. Once on the mailing list the only way to get off was to move.

[@dirkbruere]

They certainly got East Germany correct!

[@andrewcarlson3486]

i dont understand this part 3:29

[@Roughecho]

There's always a late guy running to catch the train in movies. The tree is like a train the guy is trying to catch

[@aleksej79novosibirsk]

LOL hahaha OMG this is so funny! :D :D I got to watch it again! :D

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

And so many jokes you won't get if you aren't Jewish!

[@stvdagger8074]

3:40 shouldn't it be "Ich möchte einen Schnauzer zu meinem Wiener Schnitzel" ?

[@blackrifle6736]

*Genau, ganz richtig. Cheers!*

[@exeterjedi6730]

I know a little German

[@blackrifle6736]

*Good. But this is mostly in Yiddish, (German with a sense of ironic humour) and Pigdin, made-up German. Cheers!*

[@OHS24]

Looks like TSA.

[@blackrifle6736]

*Yep. And SOS seven years later still. Cheers!*

[@DommageCollateral]

why did i never heard of this movie?

[@joemac8474]

is your daughter 18? ahahaha!!!

[@Treblaine]

I thought this was a 15 minute clip from the number of jokes but it's barely 3 and a half minutes. So called "comedies" these days would struggle to have this many jokes in the first act.

[@zachbocchino5501]

So aparantly they're suppose to be East German yet they make them look too much like ww2 soldiers. I mean they didnt look that much like the wehrmacht.

[@starkillerdude1914]

That's the joke it's meant to be a parody of ww2 Germans while making fun of east Germans aswell

[@gunnar6674]

Yet, East Germany copied a lot of unfortunate historical things from the past - the feldgrau, the helmets, the Ernst Thälmann Pioneers,, the oppression...

[@zachbocchino5501]

@@gunnar6674 Well actually the East German helmet was originally designed in 1942 but was never officially adopted during the war. The East German government decided to use it becuase they wanted a helmet that would distinct an East German soldier from a Soviet soldier. And so many countries were designing and issuing helmets into their armies that were very similar in design to that of the Soviet ssh 40 helmet. They didn't want to use the M40 or m42 stahlhelm because despite wanting to keep a German appearance, they also did not want to look too much like their Wehrmacht predecessor. But everything else, yes, was a copy of the nazi era uniforms. That was to keep it German and still have a national identity about it.

[@blackrifle6736]

@@zachbocchino5501 *Spot-on and well presented. Cheers!*

[@randymillhouse791]

L.L. Bean mailing list... perhaps a better choice for the Germans.

[@blackrifle6736]

*Oh man, you are so right! Add Old Vermont Country Store to the list. Cheers!*

[@jdrancho1864]

@@blackrifle6736 it should have been Publishers Clearinghouse.

[@TaTaTECLAA]

sa va les 5eme3 ?

[@RenegadeSamurai]

And every article is wrong xD

[@bumblebee9337]

Ve're not taking him anyvhere.

[@djukares1]

Holly fk, any1 have idea what happened at 3:32 ?

[@Kucker]

haha, seems like nobody understands that joke. might be too silly even for the ZAZ-trio.

[@firechill9999]

I think they were toying with how the trees usually go one direction when you move... yet this one random tree is going the opposite direction.

[@wedemeyerr]

+Grrrendel Absolutely agree with you! Probably the best joke in that movie! Amazing!

[@sdry]

+Dr Dykares bqzz foegin contries are so differen !

[@stormydragon2668]

+Dr Dykares It could be a reference to a popular German children's novel called "Emil und die Detective" (Emil and the Detectives) where at one point the lead character falls asleep on a train and has a dream similar to what we witness there.

[@NitroStudios1]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAATZJU